The twinkling diamond tiara of stars accompanied

the moon with delight, smiling down on all below.

As the moon and starlight bathed my face

and arms, I looked up above, aware of

the pervading silence and feeling a

presence that stirred my breath

and chest, a presence of

Spirit or God arising deep

inside of me. Such

awe I felt with each

breath. It filled

me with Love

and Bliss.

Beautiful Dinner Plate Dahlias

Lavender-pink Petals folded upon

the center of the flower, just perfectly.

Soft as satin are the petals

that are convenient hideaways for

earwigs, that slither out when you

least expect, on the counter,

the floor, or when you pull a dried up

flower from the vase …… you never know!

Keep the flower, away with the earwig,

the most unusual insect that jolts us!

Sometimes in order to bask

in the beauty of nature, we might

need to brave a thorn, or scratch, or

pinch of something so small

it can be overlooked by a person

of the right temperament.

After this one, I immediately began writing another part of my autobiography that I had told only one other person about: “Chapter Two: My Healing Journey.” This was also one that came bursting forth! It tells of my experiences of God leading me in the way God wanted me to go by filling me to overflowing with joy when I prayed with angst over whether I should take a course of Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE), at a trauma hospital. I took that to mean I should take CPE, which is training to become a hospital chaplain. Also, when I visited certain patients in the hospital, my soul was filled with the most beautiful feeling of blissful joy like fire in my soul, but not burning, which lasted for many hours, even after returning home. I don’t have the words to describe this wonderful feeling! Perhaps someone reading this has had this experience as well.

My careers took many turns, and directions, most of which I believe were influenced or directed by the Spirit or God. My first career was as an elementary art teacher. I was young, energetic, idealistic and focused on nurturing creativity in children with whom I delighted. Then inexplicably, after five years of teaching, I became depressed in the fall. At that time, I didn’t know what a depression was, and I didn’t know what was going on with me. I took a leave of absence, and came back to teaching in January. When fall came around the following year, I found myself getting depressed again. I couldn’t bear to go through that again, so I quit teaching, never to find a position that paid as well again.

After being a legal Secretary, and an administrative assistant in a psychological office, I found I loved psychology. I also took a course in visiting in a hospital that was facilitated by a seminary, and loved that even more. I had blissful feelings in my soul when visiting 3 of the patients. That experience drew me further into learning how to be a hospital chaplain by taking CPE at a nearby trauma hospital as I wrote above. I loved visiting patients in the hospital with our CPE group to discuss things and learn about loss, grief, etc. with a very good supervisor. I learned very much about myself: I came out of denial, began to grieve and heal from trauma during this time.

This led me into feeling that I was good enough to earn my Masters in Pastoral Care and Counseling in a seminary, “the calm amidst the storm “ for me, taking me from a very stressful position into what I loved immensely, and in a safe harbor. I loved learning, and the professors were very good and very caring too. The other students were about my age and very nice as well. We did a lot of self-reflection during this time and were required to have counseling. I obtained mine with a Pastoral Counselor. This helped me heal from my first trauma, for which I am most thankful.

(Continued after photos)

Becoming a Pastoral Counselor fulfilled a dream for me of helping other people help themselves by finding their own answers within themselves. I never imposed my own beliefs, but had them explain their own, and this may have been the first time they had done this. I had a two year internship before graduating with my masters. During this time, I learned much about counseling with a supervisor, and taking another unit of CPE helped me continue to heal as well as helping others.

All along the way I felt God leading me into my final career that I loved: I had a Pastoral Counseling practice in an office in a parkway where you could look out of a large window into the top of an apple tree, and also in a church Pastoral Counseling Office. I also was a Clinical Therapist in a facility that concentrated on children, with foster care, adoption, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, and a supervisor. I also went to as many seminars that I could to learn all I could to help the children and adults I counseled.

The final life healing for me was finding my son! My last CPE experience was instrumental in healing me enough that I went from being afraid of finding my son to actually yearning to find my son! I took the necessary steps and eventually found him a year and an half after graduating with my masters in Pastoral Counseling.

If you are interested in learning more about my traumas and healing process, I wrote about them extremely openly in the following chapters: I hope you will check them out!

CHAPTER ONE: Looking Back

CHAPTER TWO: My Healing Journey

CHAPTER THREE: Reunited

CHAPTER FOUR: A New Year’s Christmas

“Thank you for reading My Spirit Led Healing.” I appreciate your time and energy and honest responses to my life story. I feel so honored to have compassionate people here on Substack who have also had to heal from trauma in their own ways, We are all unique individuals, with our own life experiences, some including trauma. Please respond to this piece (if you wish) if it has touched you in any way. I have many friends on Substack and I feel comfortable sharing this all with you. You have been a wonderful, supportive community for me, and I appreciate you all so much!

Love to all!💖

Jackie Billy

Searching the original constellations,
which were the navigational instruments
for ancient civilizations who depended on
them, and our sun, to navigate the seas.

Or consider the amazing ancient civilizations who created unimaginable
architectural and archeological feats
still perplexing generations.

We ponder why they were constructed,
what their purposes were, and how it was possible for rocks to be moved from extremely far away to build
these monumental structures.

More incredible to realize is that they
all point in the same direction
all over all the earth, because they use
the beautiful twinkling star constellations
to guide them for their purposes.

What purposes did they have:
to honour the their loved ones who died,
to honour their kings and queens,
to praise and honor their deities?

We see that some of the structures were purposely built to allow the sun to shine through a particular area during a seasonal equinox, to count all the 365 days of the year, to magnify sound or send it to another place, and to be a mystery unsolved for ages to come.

which were the navigational instruments

for ancient civilizations who depended on

them, including the sun,

to navigate the seas.

Or consider the amazing ancient civilizations

who created unimaginable

architectural and archeological feats

still perplexing generations

as to why they were constructed.

We ponder what their purposes were,

and how it was possible

for rocks to be moved from

extremely far away to build

these monumental structures.

More incredible to realize is that they

all point in the same direction

all over all the earth, because they use

the beautiful twinkling star constellations

to guide them when they designed them.

Another mystery is for what purposes were these

magnificent and monumental structures built?

Could their purpose be:

to honour the their loved ones who died,

to honour their kings and queens,

to praise and honor their deities?

We notice the way some of them were built

to allow the sun to shine through

a particular area during a seasonal equinox,

to count all the 365 days of the year,

to magnify sound or send it to another place,

and certainly to be a mystery unsolved for ages to come.

Living in a town along a river, you realize how important that river really is.  It divided two states,  and most of our lives were spent on our side for some reason. This wasn’t because of the rickety old bridge, but it was because there wasn’t very much to offer on the other side, except an adorable restaurant/ice cream/sundries store and a beautiful view of the river.

Remembering my childhood, I was always riding in the car with Daddy, up and down the river.  I remember thinking when I was about four years old, that airplanes had to follow the roads below.   Also at that age I remember a long stone wall with baskets of peaches on top, one after the other, where Daddy bought a basket of them. Many years later, I found out that I am a second cousin to the family who has been growing peaches for decades in Holland Township, with the most perfect rows of peach trees.

I also remember when I was five years old, Daddy built a motorboat in our basement.  It was beautiful!  But he had a very difficult time getting the boat out of the basement through the door.  He had to take the molding off to do this.  We sure did have fun riding in the motorboat up and down the beautiful Delaware River!  Then we’d always stop for ice cream on the way home!

A very vivid and fond memory of mine, when I was about five years old, was sitting in a rocking chair on Aunt Annie’s Porch which overlooked the beautiful Delaware River.  Daddy was visiting Aunt Annie who was in her 90s and sick, and most interestingly, she took her pills in jelly.  As an adult, I looked for that house on Old River Road many times.  With a County Historian’s help, I finally found it!  It is a big beautiful white stone house with a long porch with posters, with rocking chairs on the porch. At this part of the Delaware it is not as wide and the branches of the trees that line the road hang down. It is a breathtaking view. It means the world to me to have found it! I would love to sit there on a rocking chair and look over the Delaware at that spot once again!

My dreams of sitting on the porch and looking out over the Delaware River came true this past week. My husband and I stayed two nights at the Chestnut Hill Bed and Breakfast in Milford, New Jersey, along the Delaware River, and we had every opportunity to sit in a padded rocking chair and look out over the river and enjoy her beauty all day. We also could walk down to a cleared area on a walkway halfway down to the river and sit on chairs to enjoy the beautiful view. Or, if we were particularly energetic, we could have walked down to the dock. From our bedroom windows we also could see the river, and at night with a full moon as well. Temperatures were in the 70s, most enjoyable this week. Every early morning, we noticed a fog along the Delaware which added to her charm. The fog was overtaken by sunshine by morning. We thoroughly enjoyed our time at this beautiful bed and breakfast.

Another strong memory was when my mother took me to see the muddy looking Delaware River when it was very high, and looked like it was boiling in an angry sort of way, which was frightening.  This was in August, 1955, when the river flooded and crested at 44 feet.  Friends who lived on the other side of the river, in Upper Black Eddy, Pennsylvania, had their homes flood up to the second floor, with fish in their basements.  I can imagine how terrifying that must have been. The telephone poles are still marked showing how high the water came. Daddy went up in a Piper cub and took pictures all along the Delaware of the brown flooded areas.  He was interested in showing the slides, but I really didn’t like seeing them. We discovered this past week that Chestnut Hill Bed and Breakfast never was flooded in the 40 years Ìt was owned by the present owners. They said that their house is 12 feet higher than those right along the river in Upper Black Eddy.

After leaving the area when I went to college, coming home felt so relaxing, especially when I crossed the river back into my home state. When I caught sight of the beautiful Delaware River waiting for me, I would always breathe a sigh of relief. I think the river is running through my veins, it is so much a part of me.

This photo is from Good Morning Milford - By The Milford Merchants

with forgotten Goddesses of old,

speaking languages of old

In golden allure of sunshine

of all ages, unchanging.

Love is the overarching language of all,

which connects all worlds.

It shines like diamonds in the sun

And in the various moons’ lights.

The Goddess of Love

rules over all and throws

shimmering stars down in the evening

and lights up beautiful flowers

Throughout all ages.

She puts a glimmer in each heart

And soul with love, bliss

And happiness to offset

Any sadness, grief, or storms

our lives might have suffered.

With a gentle hand and

listening ear, she is always ready

to hear your prayers and praise

and blesses you with health or healing.

She also lovingly helps you ease into your

transition to eternal life with

The Spirit who is waiting to receive you

and renew and energize you

Into your new state of being,

surrounded by Unconditional Love.

****

But particularly, I love how colors blend together or appear adjacent to one another.

I am a color designer, as my weaving Professor described me.

This is my home weaving studio! Each plastic chest of drawers house a color, and

within each drawer is a lighter, medium or darker yarn of that color.

All of my weavings are unique, original designs of my own. I don’t even

try to make one of my wall hangings look like another I have made.

My first profession was as an art teacher. I have loved weaving from the start and took three courses in Ìt. I wove occasionally, but during 2020, when Covid appeared and we were supposed to stay home, my calendar was wiped clean, and I got back into weaving wall hangings. I sold my wall hangings at a local high end silversmith shop and gift store. My husband, Tim Billy, sold his beautiful exotic wood jewelry boxes and charcuterie boards there as well. Since then, I have woven over 60 wall hangings!

Tranquil River” below was commissioned by an over 55 community for their meditation room.

In this wall hanging, the river becomes more three dimensional as it comes closer to the bottom in the wall hanging. I used the slit technique, braiding and overstitching to imitate different colors of blue in the river and areas where the water over flowed its banks. I also used overstitching to suggest mountains on the left hand side. My husband made the beautiful cherry rod for this wall hanging.

This is “Loving Family Ties” woven for my niece who gave me free rein over how I would weave it. She dictated the colors to match her rug and wanted the hanging to be 2’ by 4.’ I wove this wall hanging with the smaller side forward in my loom, of 24”. I could never really see what the whole weaving looked like at once, nor was I sure if the left or right side would be the bottom! But amazingly, Ìt turned out very well. My niece was having her second child by the same man who finally moved in with her (after she moved 7 hours away) when she was pregnant with their second baby and they are a constant family now. I am so happy for them. The rod, made by my husband is of exotic Sapele wood.

This wall hanging below, The Rhythms of the Ocean is one of my very favorites and is in my private collection, Ìt is very large, 24” wide x 45.” I used thick and thin braiding, looping, and a curved wooden stick to insert when beating back the yarn to make curved areas. I also used wool roving in areas.

This is “Silver Moon,” the first wall hanging I wove in April, 2020. Ìt is a particular favorite of mine and woven with some soft angora yarn in the aqua sections and wool roving in the center with a looping and bubble effect. I would have loved to keep this one, but my dear friend Kathy Toseland wanted it, so I sold it to her ½ price! I knew I could still see it when I visited her. The rod, made by my husband is of, is light maple.

Below is Moon Rising. It is unique in that the fringe is purposely slanted up on the right side.

This is an unusual attempt to create a landscape, using twining to suggest a line of trees, puffs of roving within a circle for the moon, and braided areas to mark off fields. Ithink Ìt is a very serene wall hanging which I like very much. I used the curve stick to make the curved lines. The rod is a walnut rod made by my husband.

I hope you enjoyed seeing some of my pride and joys! I have given two wall hangings as wedding presents,in the past. I do wall hangings by commission. I actually love to do wall hangings for other people. If you are interested, please direct inquiries here or to @ . They will get lost in my message box.

Deciduous trees change during all the seasons of their lives.

They also teach us many lessons.

They teach us how to hope when small buds

appear on trees after a long winter of looking lifeless.

They make us wonder in awe when their new

leaves and flowers come out in spring, such a sight to behold!

Cherry, crabapple, dogwood, plum, magnolia and other

blooming trees make the spring landscape full of beauty and joy!

Then they drop their seeds of new life for future generations.

In Summer, trees show us how to identify them

by the unique shapes of their leaves. Their leaves

provide green canopies over lawns or roads.

Trees also generously share their energy and cool shade with us.

We hear of the Mother Trees who protect their own saplings

by sending them nutrients through their roots.

Trees communicate with other trees through their

tree roots underneath the ground as well.

They also gladly support our children’s swings

and feel the arms, feet and hands of those who climb them.

And in autumn, the colors of the tree leaves delight our eyes.

We learn as trees stop producing chlorophyll during shorter days

and cooler nights, hidden pigments of bright yellow and orange appear.

Also, jewel tones of red and purple, fitting for a Queen’s crown, appear.

In autumn, trees teach us their most valuable lesson of all:

how to let go! They let go of their once brilliant leaves that have

brightened our cool fall days. One by one, they let go

of their leaves which float down to the ground, covering

our lawns with the glory of their bygone days.

If we could learn this lesson of letting go, and then being open

to new things, new ways of doing things, new people in our lives,

or new opportunities, think of how our lives would change!

In winter, after trees have finally released their leaves,

their bare tree branches, mere jagged outlines or lacy shapes,

stand starkly against the winter sky or beautiful sunset.

They seem to sleep all winter, but perhaps they are resting,

saving their energy, but still providing support for the nests of

squirrels and winter birds, as they do in all seasons.

By Jacqueline Billy

On sacred ground I took off my sandals

And sat on the flat rock,

Feet dangling down.

A minuscule spray of the water

In the air reached my arms

And the sound of the spray hitting

The pool of water in front of Ìt was

Magnified in Nature’s amphitheater.

Rock walls with ferns greenly hanging over,

Spring water happily flowing down.

While sprigs of flowers hang on for dear

Life on sheer walls growing in crevices

That seeds had fallen into, and roots

And stems grew, not knowing

Their angle would be down,

As the sun could not shine through

This thick forest wall to entice

Their little heads upwards.

And so I thankfully breathe this clean air

And feel the love in my heart break forth

For the fortunate moments I spend here,

For the fresh and wonderful nature that

I am a part of, and for my Spirit that

Is expanding my insides with love,

Light, peace and wonder.

I thank God who is everything for

This time of communing with nature,

With God and myself, all a part of

The One Spirit, or God, Creator,

Unconditional Love, The One true Light,

Holy One, and the name you give Almighty,

Omnipresent, Omniscient God.

Meanwhile, the elephants at the watering hole are squirting each other and having some fun. Yet they are always watchful, especially of their young. Mothers and other members of the herd often help calves over steep river banks, surrounding them with protection when danger threatens. If predators approach, elephants may charge together to defend their young.

High above, monkeys swing from branch to branch and settle into the trees for the night. They carefully care for their babies, carrying them on their backs while walking or even leaping from one limb to another. Toolmakers that they are, some use sticks to fish for ants or insects hidden in tree holes. They also groom one another, strengthening the bonds that hold their group together.

Here, a single roar can send animals running in every direction. One of the great advantages of living in herds or groups is protection.

Not far away, lion cubs tumble and play in the grass, occasionally disturbing their father while he naps. He tolerates them for a while before giving a roar or a gentle shove to remind them who is king. All the while, he waits for his mate to bring home dinner. She seems to possess enough courage, energy, and stamina for both of them.

When the lioness drags home her kill, I sometimes wonder who gets to eat first. Usually, the adult male lion eats before the lionesses and cubs, although circumstances vary. Sometimes the lioness may eat first while still at the site of the kill, and on occasion the male stands guard while the others feed. Nearby, hyenas wait for an opportunity, and vultures circle overhead.

As night settles over the land, animals retreat to holes, dens, caves, nests, or simply huddle together for warmth, affection, and protection.

I believe animals love their offspring, parents, and mates, and often show loyalty to their pride, herd, or family group. We know that males compete for mates. Elephants have been observed lingering near the bones of family members, and mothers grieve the loss of their young. Such behaviors suggest that animals experience deep feelings, perhaps far more than we once imagined.

Perhaps love wears many forms. It may not always look like human love, yet throughout the animal kingdom we see devotion, loyalty, playfulness, grief, and protection. From elephants mourning their dead to monkeys caring for their young and lionesses risking their lives to feed their cubs, there is abundant evidence that feelings run deep in the creatures who share this earth with us.

Anyone who has ever loved a pet already knows this in their heart.

Do you have a favorite animal? Mine changes from time to time. Some days I admire the loyalty of wolves, the beauty of zebras, other days the intelligence of elephants, and sometimes I am captivated by the playful curiosity of lion cubs. But I think elephants hold a special place in my heart. Their devotion to family and their remarkable memories seem to speak of something very old and very wise.

a whisper in my ear,

a shiver going down my

spine, awakens.

My hand tracing the

outline of your your face

so softly, and tenderly

touches my inmost being.

Our embrace brings

our warm bodies closer,

And I lay my head on your heart.

The steady beat of your heart

grounds me.

I enjoy each moment that

our hearts beat and our breaths

find a common rhythm.

We are one in heart and soul.

This is a togetherness that I

long for, with you.

*The first line is attributed to .

Listening the best I can. Ìt seems to move even farther ahead of me.

I keep following the whisper and in the distance I see the silhouette

Of an old tree. The closer I get, I see it is quite old with branches full of

Oak leaves, perhaps a mother tree. However, Ìt was standing alone in

The meadow. The nearer I draw to Ìt, there appears to be a bench

Welcoming me to sit for a while. I am glad for that opportunity and

Hurry my pace to reach Ìt. On the bench, as I approach to sit down,

I see there is a notepad left on the seat. I get comfortable on the bench,

and then my curiosity gets the best of me. I reach down to open Ìt.

On the inside, I read: “ You are right where you are supposed to be.”