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I know but I enjoy it being one and I’m in a cab coming from set and have about 30 minutes until I arrive at the station.

I am about to start writing so honestly now.

I hope you are ready?

Diary entries.

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01:44 The Psychology of Begging for Support

05:11 Why Does Time Feel So Unreal?

05:53 Are We Experiencing a Glitch in the Matrix?

08:41 Stop Waiting for Proof to Trust Your Intuition

09:50 Why Are We Paying for Everything Through Subscriptions?

11:07 What Happens When You Disconnect From Your Phone?

12:14 Why I’m Setting Boundaries With Everyone

14:42 When Your Dreams Start Becoming Your Reality

22:30 Why My Life Feels Like The Truman Show

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i had the birria tacos

with the quac sauce

my life changed

for the better

i will return to miami simply to experience that experience of experiencing those tacos again.

Birria tacos.

The texture of the wrap too has to be perfectly crisp.

I don’t like when it’s too soft and I don’t like when it’s a hard shell either.

I love when the cheese has melted perfectly onto the wrap.

The olive oil slowly dripping into your mouth,

Dipping it into the guac sauce.

Sprinkling a little bit of lime onto the guac sauce before, of course.

This is a love letter to tacos.

As a neurodivergent person, I have my hyper fixation meals and tacos are genuinely something i could eat for the rest of my life without getting bored.

Only if the shell is not hard.

It has to be perfectly crisp.

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dads are important

i only had my dad in my life for 14 years 3 days but i learnt many lessons

that i think are important to share

for the fathers that are subscribed to me with daughters

so cool i get to do this

and i hope it opens up your perspective to at least one thing i say

first and foremost:

your daughter doesn’t just need you financially, she needs you emotionally and spiritually and physically.

she needs to know you care.

you are her first example of a man, let it be a good one.

you determine how her relationships with men will go and also how they will even treat her.

she will subconsciously look for a man like her father sometimes.

so be a man you would love to see your daughter with.

characteristics wise.

My dad was a hard worker.

Emotionally, not there.

Avoidant, cold, hot and cold.

Confusing.

I don’t even want to continue, i do not even want to re-live that dark road right now and i have somewhere to go.

Yes my mum does weekly photography sessions and i have to be there to support and also learn as much from her duhhh, see parents you can teach your children so much.

This is about the fathers though.

I saw my dad going to work.

Even when he had cancer on the hospital bed, he was still running his businesses from the hospital bed.

This makes me wanna cry.

Shoutout to the hard working men out there, it is not easy.

I am loss for words.

To be in the hospital bed with cancer doing treatments but still having determination to run his businesses.

Wow!

The hustle is in my DNA.

This is what inspired this article.

Fathers, spend time with your daughters.

Not just what you wanna do, but what she wants to do too!

Depends on your interests.

But you can teach your daughter so much.

And i feel like in this day and age they need skills!

we all need skills!

knowledge is power.

What skills can you pass on to your daughter?

Do you speak a language?

Do you do a sport?

Play an instrument?

Act? Write? Sing? Dance? Cook?

Whatever it is, teach her!

When my parents were married, i never remember seeing my dad cooking!

He was always on the sofa watching football (team arsenal - yeah i have PTSD cos damn can a bih watch some disney channel? not while arsenal are playing.)

That is lowkey why i prefer men that are not heavy sports fans LOL

Because it just takes over a mans life completely.

His favourite team becomes his greatest love and it shows.

when they split though and my dad lived on his own,

he was cooking Michelin star level meals - i was shocked.

and he taught me a few.

But I digress,

What else what else?

I really need to go btw to my mums photography class,

gonna have to get an uber now because it is late and that is money,

so please subscribe.

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but i wanted to get this out to the fathers with daughters,

and the words are pouring out of me.

Love.

Gentle love.

Soft love.

Never harm.

She is a princess on earth, treat her as such.

Or she might see herself as a prince, and that is okay too!

Do not project onto them.

Let them come into their own identity.

Support who they choose to be.

You are their parent.

They do not belong to you in the way you may think.

They are their own person.

They are put here to be who they are supposed to be.

Not who you will for them to be.

Does that make sense?

Treat her mother with kindness.

She will never forget how you treated her mother.

At the end of the day, she is a woman.

Show her mother respect, whether you are together or not.

Once your daughter gets older, she is still your daughter.

Be there for her!

Financially, especially - have you seen the economy.

Shoutout to my girl, she knows who she is.

I wanna dedicate this part of the article to her and her dad.

Whom sadly passed away.

Watching their relationship from young was beauty.

He loved her.

He was in my eyes (i don’t wanna cry),

an example of a healthy masculine role.

now granted, everyone has their faults.

But in terms of how he was with her

She was his mini me,

it was adorable to see

and now i am crying

He would take her sailing on his boat

bro

and now she is basically a tom boy lol

and the men that.. (sorry girl don’t wanna say your business)

long story short.

the men in this current economy are not matching up with her dad

and i understand.

she needed something with the car sorted?

call her dad

literally anything.

So i know it has been hard for her but i hope you feel the love through my words.

I can’t even say it gets easier.

You just … time

time doesn’t even help, i am still crying for my dad after 13 years and we were not even as close

realistically babe, you will miss him for life.

But look at all he taught you! his character! long FUCKING LIVE.

SERIOUSLY.

the memories.

my childhood.

beautiful and blessed and protected.

grateful.

lets move on,

cos i need to go!

my mums show is in 5 minutes.

let me book cab and continue this letter to the fathers later.

before i go actually

one thing to say:

you may stay away from your daughter because you think she is better off without you. if you are an unsafe person, then i hope you wouldn’t even be subscribed to me honestly. i am talking about the men that have the weight of the world on their shoulders so isolate, instead of communicate at times - because you feel she would be better off without you.

your daughter doesn’t care about that.

she just wanna hang with daddy,

literally.

never forget that!

and tell her you love her,

every chance you get.

Fuck it imma post it like this and go to the show.

this literally poured out of me,

i love you, you know… (this was the most forced sentence but .. ok bitch book your uber bye guysss xxxx)

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You have always been the Blueprint because you were not trying to be.

You have been yourself always and got shamed for it.

Now everyone is trying to be like you.

In your early years you were likely made fun of. You were made to feel like the things that made you different were the problem.

But as you got older, you realised being 1 of 1, being unique, is really rare.

I think about the things I was mocked for.

Dark lips.

Now people are overlining their lips with the darkest colour.

Big lips.

Now everyone has lip filler.

Just a few examples.

this isn’t to shame those that do these things. it’s just ironic, when you got bullied for the things that are now considered trendy. but you just were IT before it was cool to be IT.

I got mocked for my voice.

Now I’m gaining paid subscribers that subscribe simply to hear my voice.

You may be neurodivergent too like me.

Your brain may have always worked differently.

Maybe you looked around at what everyone else was doing and couldn’t understand why you had to do it too.

Everyone went uni.

I did an apprenticeship.

I didn’t want the debt.

I wanted to work in an estate agent and all I needed was my licence.

Got that.

Wham bam thank u maam.

Blueprints work smarter not harder.

We don’t follow a crowd ever.

In fact usually whichever direction the crowd is going in, is usually an indicator to me to go in the opposite direction.

We’re cocky like that…

We believe in ourselves that much to understand that no matter what path we take, there we be success there because we are success. Even just thinking about all of the times I have strayed off my path, I still ended up right on track. Right on time. Exactly where I am meant to be. It’s like we can’t fail even if we tried because whatever we do, we succeed at and even when things don’t work out, we take away important lessons that help us grow. It’s never a loss.

I think blueprints win effortlessly because it’s just in them honestly. That’s the beauty of a blueprint, they cannot be easily explained. They do not easily make sense to the average person and they are not supposed to. They are literally just living. Being. And everyone else is trying to decode them, it’s hilarious.

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You have always been ahead of the curb because you were not following trends.

You are a trend.

Because of social media a large majority of society fit into the box.

You don’t.

And even when you tried, it never worked.

You couldn’t fit in if you tried.

You’ve never fit in.

And eventually you realise that maybe you were never supposed to.

You can’t be easily duplicated because there is no recipe to what you do.

It’s in your head.

You do it effortlessly.

You just got swag without trying.

A certain je ne sais quoi.

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You were never wrong.

You were just early.

So now?

You’ve accepted your fate as an icon.

Long story short.

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At the time, I didn’t have the confidence.

Finally, I’m at the point now where my inner child has met up with my higher self.

And it feels fucking amazing.

I’m writing this as I’m on my way to a table read.

On stage.

In this huge theatre.

In front of a bunch of people.

And I’m not even nervous.

Granted...

You know what, nvm.

I feel relaxed.

Because I’m in my element.

The same girl who went with her dad to an audition at the South London Theatre.

My dad had the role of the doctor in the play, and there was an audition going for a child that had to say one word:

“Shut up.”

Imagine I never got the role 😂

I was such a shy kid, and projecting my voice was something I always struggled with.

I hated the attention being on me because it came so naturally, but it felt uncomfortable.

So I didn’t get the part.

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My life is a movie.

The fact that I only had my dad in my life for 14 years and 3 days, but have memories with him like that, are things I will cherish forever.

Oh my.

Let me not start crying in the cab.

My dad inspired me so much.

Watching him chase after so many goals.

The businessman.

The man that played the saxophone.

The man that learnt new languages.

The man that was constantly trying to learn more about the universe.

Did not stay stuck to a religion or identity.

Like, before his time forreal.

I’m holding back the tears, but I have a massive lump in my throat.

Iconic man.

Long live.

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I’m in this cab.

I have no data on my phone.

Stuck with my thoughts.

So I decide to write.

I am grateful for my life.

I was in a perpetual state of victimhood for a long time, and I don’t wanna live there anymore.

I am blessed beyond belief.

And I deserve to experience joy and play and light-hearted energy.

I crave that to even continue moving forward.

A lot of people judge whimsical people, but from my POV, it’s like some of us had our childhood's stolen and we’re not ready to grow up.

I know a lot of people feel that way about their childhood, but honestly, what’s fun about being an adult?

Ok wait.

I love being an adult.

But I don’t wanna change how I am.

I love how I am.

I love my multidimensionality.

I am not always super hype and I am not always super chill.

I preserve my energy for the things I want to do.

I am the creator of my reality, which means I can create the reality which I see in my mind’s eye.

I am the artist holding the paintbrush, creating my desired reality.

That is how you preserve your health, honestly.

Staying whimsical.

I’ve noticed whimsical people age really well.

Stress ages you.

So yeah, slightly off topic I’ve gone, but hopefully it all ties in.

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Can’t believe I’m gonna be on stage doing a live table read in less than an hour.

Life is magical.

I wish I could hug the younger version of me every time she felt lonely or misunderstood.

And tell her everything is gonna be okay.

Baby girl, you are magical.

You are fierce.

You are strong.

You are mentally sharp.

You have an imagination beyond comprehension.

This isn’t your first lifetime.

This is the lifetime where you win and keep winning.

You’ve always known who you are.

You came into this world knowing.

You came into this world with too much power, which is why you’ve been derailed off your path so many times.

The path taught you lessons though.

You always got back on track, no matter how far you strayed.

I love you.

I’m proud of you.

Keep going.

And you’re gonna do amazing on stage (AND DID)

You’ve been preparing your whole lifetime.

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The women will want your help for free.

They’ll be inspired by you. Some will tell you. Some of them won’t. Some of them will watch you quietly, study you, and then copy you. It becomes very obvious over time. You’ll notice people waiting for you to make a move before they make a move in their own life.

They’re watching everything.

They won’t engage. No likes. No comments. No shares. Nothing.

But they’re watching.

And then you start noticing little things.

How many of you have experienced women getting around you and suddenly they start talking like you, dressing like you, moving like you? Copying your energy, your tone, your presence.

I’ve experienced this my whole life.

I remember I got a particular type of braids. She got the same. I bought an outfit. She bought the same outfit.

And what I’ve noticed about those types of people is this:

They can only “be you” when they’re in close proximity to you.

The moment you distance yourself, they lose it. It’s like they don’t know how to continue without access to your energy.

I’ve seen this in friendships, romantic situations, even platonic environments. People trying to take my entire essence and wear it like it’s theirs, because deep down, they’re in competition with me. Whether they admit it or not.

And let’s be real.

I am not easily duplicated. My essence is unique.

But people will still try to emulate it.

The way I speak. The way I carry myself. My mannerisms.

It’s funny because the very things I used to get bullied for… are now the exact things people try to replicate.

That’s how you know.

But here’s where it gets deeper.

When you turn that into a business?

Those same women don’t want to pay you.

Because paying you would mean admitting that you have something they don’t. And they don’t like that power dynamic.

So instead, they want access for free.

They want your advice, your insight, your skill — for free.

They don’t feel like you deserve the money.

Let’s be honest.

They don’t.

Because in their mind, “how dare you” position yourself as someone of value when they see you as someone they compare themselves to.

Do you know how many people I helped before I ever built House of Anu?

Daily.

Helping people with identity, purpose, direction — for free.

But the moment you introduce structure, pricing, boundaries…

Now there’s a problem.

Now people don’t want to “work with you.”

They just want to take.

And that’s what I had to realise.

When you’re the blueprint, you pass the point of relatability.

And instead of people admitting that you’re aspirational, they reject you.

Especially if you come from similar environments.

Because now your growth makes them uncomfortable.

So they’re definitely not going to invest in you.

Now let’s talk about the men.

This is where it gets even more uncomfortable.

I’ve worked in social media for years. Freelance social media manager. Creative direction. Behind the scenes and in front of the camera. I’ve done both.

So when I started wanting to work with men in the creative scene — because my brain literally thinks in pictures — I already knew what I could bring.

But the men?

They don’t approach you in business mode.

They approach you in attraction.

They think you’re talking to them because you’re interested in them.

They think there’s something personal there. Something sexual, eventually.

And then they realise…

Oh.

She’s serious.

She’s about her work. She’s about her money.

And now they feel uncomfortable.

Because they’re attracted to you, but you’re not there for that.

And instead of being able to separate it and work with you professionally, they back off completely.

Because in their mind:

“If I can’t have her, I don’t want to work with her.”

So where does that leave the extremely beautiful woman?

It forces her to find her soul tribe.

People who don’t know her.

People who can genuinely say, “I’m inspired by you,” without ego getting in the way.

People who understand that value comes at a cost — and are willing to pay it.

That’s what ends up happening.

And if you resonate with this, don’t let anyone tell you you’re doing too much. Don’t let anyone call you dramatic.

A lot of the time, people say that because they simply cannot relate.

I’m going to say it.

If you lived the life I’ve lived, if cameras followed me around 24/7, you would see it.

You would see how women change around me.

You would see how men act around me.

So no, I’m not going to let anyone gaslight me out of my own lived experience.

My page isn’t for everyone.

And that’s okay.

If you don’t relate, scroll.

But I can only speak from my perspective.

And this is for the women who understand that it has actually been harder to build something for yourself because of how people project onto you.

Because when you start a business and post online, the algorithm doesn’t just show strangers.

It shows people in your circle.

And when your own people aren’t supporting you — because secretly, they don’t want to see you win — that does affect your growth.

That’s real.

That’s psychological.

That’s not something you’d understand unless you’ve lived it.

But here’s the other side of it.

It makes you stronger.

Because you’re navigating challenges the average person isn’t even aware of.

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And I want to end this by saying: show love to the people who inspire you.

Tell them.

You have no idea how deeply your words might reach someone who has spent so much time pouring into everyone else.

We all struggle. Even the people whose lives look glamorous from the outside. Even the people who inspire you. Even the people who appear confident, successful, beautiful, talented or completely sure of themselves.

Tell people the impact they’ve had on you while they’re here to hear it.

And maybe you don’t have the money to financially support every creator, artist, writer or person who has genuinely added value to your life. I don’t either.

But there are so many forms of support that cost absolutely nothing.

Restack their work. Like it. Comment. Share it. Recommend them. Tell somebody else about them.

Do something that might have absolutely no benefit to you, but could have a huge benefit to them.

To me, that is genuine support.

Sometimes the internet creates such intimacy that we forget the person helping us through their work is also running a business. Their words may feel like friendship. Their videos may feel like company. Their advice may genuinely help you get your life together.

But someone still had to create all of that value.

I think about life energetically. I like the scales to feel balanced. If somebody pours into me, I want to pour something back—even when they never asked me to.

It doesn’t always have to be money.

Sometimes it’s attention. Sometimes it’s encouragement. Sometimes it’s amplification. Sometimes it’s simply making sure someone knows their work mattered.

I try to live like that myself. I often pour into people without expecting anything directly in return, because I don’t believe everything has to return through the same door it left through.

Let the good circulate.

So yes, when something I create helps you, I appreciate the little acts too. The comment. The restack. The recommendation. The message telling me something I wrote stayed with you.

Those things may look tiny from your side of the screen.

But are deeply appreciated.

I literally send a little sprinkle of angel love your way anytime someone does something that touches my heart.

I love you guys fr.

My chicken bears.

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So do your fantasies.

I’ve always been like that.

Since I was in school.

I knew the boys were not into me but that didn’t stop me from fantasising about them.

Looking back, life was always pushing me to be a writer.

I’ve always had muses, way before I ever became my own muse.

Being your own muse is better though, you have a daily source of inspiration.

Having a crush is something different.

Often times we develop crushes on people that have no idea we are even crushing on them.

In fact, if they knew they’d probably be quite flattered, or surprised or scared.

I am no longer the undesired girl.

I am the girl that gets whatever she wants.

Well so she likes to think.

And as I do think more on this,

I don’t think that is a healthy mindset to have.

It took me back to a Diddy documentary in fact where he said ‘whatever I want. I will have it. I have to have it’ and looking at how his life panned out, those initial words do not seem so innocent anymore.

So no I can’t have whoever I want.

Some crushes will be married.

Some crushes simply won’t be attracted to me.

And I have to be okay with that

I am okay with it

It’s just rejection is not something I feel too often

However it’s good to feel

And the thing is I haven’t even been rejected

But sometimes it can still feel like rejection

The lack of reciprocal energy

Granted there could be reasons

Or no reasons at all

I don’t know anymore

I’m just sitting on the grass right now

And felt like writing about crushes because I still cannot get this crush out my head

Limerance is a bitch

But channeling it into writing is at least productive

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btw side note, these episodes are healing for me. As a kid i spent so much time in my bedroom in my own world for hours and hours, never needing anything outside of myself. My inner world is massive! so being able to now create content that emulates what i saw in my visions as a child, is really special to me. I release these episodes often because i genuinely fucking enjoy doing them, so thank you for being here!

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Feel free to share my publication with your bravest friends. I say brave for a reason… open minded too. I am on the road to 1k subscribers!

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