I love to twerk, in an unhealthy kind of way. You could catch me shaking ass almost every-time, especially if we are in an enclosed space.

I saw a video today on TikTok and in that video a lady was twerking in an empty space just her and nature and I’ve never wanted to be someone so bad.

Reasons why I love to twerk.

1.Twerking would always be there for you: Twerking would never leave you hanging, you could shake ass anytime and the ass will jiggle right back at you. It shows that your ass is always going to be there through the good and bad times.

2.Twerking makes you feel better about yourself: Imagine you had a bad day, and you just got back home and remember “oh wait!, I have ass (and just so you know ass is ass, no matter the size) and I can shake my ass. Omg! Like it’s just a confidence booster. After shaking ass you feel so good, if you think I’m joking try it, you’ll confirm it.

3.Twerking makes you happy: This one is relating to the 2nd point I made, you’ll just be smiling, and when you’re happy, everyone else around you is happy too. So you see, twerk today!

4.Twerking keeps you healthy: Now before you come for me, I see twerking as an exercise too, the same way I see it as a fun thing to do.

When you twerk you use a lot of energy to do that. Key word: Energy. You also use energy when you run, walk, Gym. So you see..

Also,twerking is a lot more easier to do and it still requires energy. Imagine twerking for 10-20mins straight. You’d be burning a lot of calories .

Twerking was there for me when I couldn’t explain how I felt with words. Twerking is fun and doesn’t get tired of me, instead I get tired of twerking. To some, writing an article about how I love to twerk may be doing “too much” but to me it’s not, because they don’t know how much twerking has helped my life.

I love to twerk, I love to shake ass. It makes my life feel lighter and better.

So when I’m going through things I can’t explain I twerk it out, it doesn’t necessarily mean that my problems would disappear, but it helps me feel better, and when I feel better, I can think properly about the particular situation, and when I can think clearly, I can solve the problem/ issue.

So this article is to encourage you to twerk today. Twerking is such a fun thing to do. And twerking never gets tired of you.

I promise you🤍

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Abortion.

Divorce.

Purity Culture.

Secular Music.

Submission.

Feminism.

Starting strong with Abortion.

Most times when abortion is brought up, it’s seen through the lens of tradition, culture, and, most times, judgment too.

It’s crazy to me that people are still against abortion in 2026, and before you come for me, this is why I fully support abortion.

Children are meant to be blessings, right?

Would you say they’re blessings in all cases?

I support abortion rights because I genuinely think not every woman should be a mom.

Not every woman wants to be a mom.

I support abortion rights because I believe pregnancy is more complex than we often acknowledge. While pregnancy can often be prevented, it cannot always be. Contraception fails, sexual assault happens, pregnancies can threaten a person’s health, and life can change in ways no one anticipates. I don’t believe every pregnancy exists under the same circumstances, so I don’t think every decision should be judged by the same standard.

Some people argue that “most people who have abortions are murderers and, because they killed a baby, they can kill a grown human too.”

But I disagree. I think something a lot of people don’t understand is that raising a child isn’t easy, and just because I choose my future doesn’t mean I’m a murderer.

The reality is that anyone who is capable of becoming pregnant can face an unexpected pregnancy. I don’t think every person who finds themselves in that situation should be expected to make the same decision.

I think it’s pure wickedness to bring a child into this cruel world without the proper means to take care of them or the willingness to take responsibility for them.

Another person would say, “Well, don’t have sex.”

That’s a very odd thing to say because condoms break, and just because a person is having sex doesn’t mean they’re ready to be a mom.

I think motherhood is forced on all women, and not everyone can be a good mom. So, that’s why I support abortion.

I mean, it’s better not to give birth to a child than to give birth to a child and dump them.

Another person would say, “You can give the child up for adoption after giving birth.”

Well, I still have to give birth to the child, though.

Adoption isn’t easy. Not everyone wants a child, talk more of a child that’s not theirs.

Some children in adoption centres experience abuse and neglect, and that’s traumatic for anyone to go through. Not every child who is given up for adoption ends up in a safe and loving environment.

Some children hate their lives.

Some mothers hate their children.

And I’ve met people who have genuinely had their fair share of mothers who hate them.

Now, let’s talk about the people who choose to bring their children into this world unprepared.

Category A: Single Moms

I think these women are some of the strongest people on earth. They choose to bring their children into this world even when they’re not sure how they’ll take care of them.

They hustle for themselves and their kids, and I really admire their strength. But this world doesn’t give a damn about them. Sometimes they don’t receive much support in the church or society because they had a child outside marriage.

Hmm... that really amazes me.

The same church and people who are against abortion?

Hmm.

Then the dating pool for them is even worse because most men don’t want to take care of children who aren’t theirs. Yet some of those same people will still say, “I don’t support abortion.”

Until it happens to them.

To every single mom out there, I love and appreciate you.

Category B: Women with poor family planning.

This set of women are the ones who keep giving birth to children even though they know they’re poor and can’t take care of them.

It’s so weird to think that this is considered okay.

They keep rejoicing over every pregnancy as though they don’t already have five children begging on the streets for food.

It hurts me so much to see small children hawking, selling things, or even begging.

All because their parents couldn’t plan properly or take care of them.

I’ve noticed that many of these children end up being neglected, abused, or forced into child labour.

Giving your children out as housemaids to strangers who don’t care about them.

I’ve seen this happen a lot in Igbo communities.

Even young boys have to serve under a man for years, practically becoming unpaid labour because their parents were too poor to take care of them.

I’ve seen how some Igbo women treat their house helps, and I genuinely feel sorry for them.

I could go on and on, but I want to stop here and ask the people who are against abortion:

Where is the empathy?

What happens after the child is born?

Or does it not matter to you because the child is alive?

Because most of the time, there’s little or no support for a single mom or a poor mom.

So, please.

In cases of rape or incest, what do you advise?

Keep the baby?

I’ve observed that a lot of people who speak against abortion don’t think about the effect having an unwanted child can have. I’ve also noticed that many of them are privileged enough to have been taken care of themselves.

I’ve also observed that most of them are against abortion until it happens to them.

Think about this.

I’ve also observed that a lot of people are mainly against abortion when it comes to unmarried people.

What happens when your wife gets pregnant for the fifth time after you both agreed you only wanted three children?

What happens when your wife’s life is threatened by the pregnancy?

Would you still be against abortion?

Think about this.

Moving on to divorce…

I’ve always been curious about why divorce is shamed.

Why divorce isn’t talked about enough.

Why divorced women are shamed.

And why most women are advised to “make their marriages work” despite being abused.

The Bible explicitly mentions adultery as a ground for divorce. Yet even when a husband is unfaithful, many wives are still encouraged to forgive and stay.

So I ask myself: What’s so wrong with divorce?

Is preserving a marriage always more important than preserving the people in it?

Most times, the church is so fixated on making marriages work that it doesn’t realize that, in some cases, it’s better to leave.

Some people may say, “Forgive the cheating man.” But does forgiveness equal giving someone access back into your life?

I personally think that cheating is usually seen as “less serious” or not given the depth it deserves because there are a lot of diseases a woman can be exposed to if she continues sleeping with her cheating husband.

So, no.

Another really important point under divorce is abuse.

Physical abuse.

Emotional abuse.

None of these forms of abuse should be smiled upon or tolerated.

I think we sometimes reduce abuse to bruises, forgetting that words, control, manipulation, and fear can leave wounds that aren’t visible.

I remember in 2022 when gospel singer Osinachi died following years of alleged domestic abuse at the hands of her husband. Some people said she should have spoken up, and it left me wondering: if she had spoken up, what would the response have been?

To stay in the marriage?

Or to leave?

I believe it would have been the former in this case because the Bible explicitly mentions adultery as a ground for divorce. Doesn’t it?

I had a conversation with someone who’s a young minister of God, someone I respect so much. He said that in cases of abuse, the woman is separated from the man while the elders of the church counsel him. If they see improvement, the couple is reunited.

And when he said that to me, I was just too stunned to speak.

What is it about divorce that’s so bad that you don’t care about the trauma a wife would experience living with a man who can and might end her life one day?

Why is divorce sometimes treated as the greater sin than abuse?

I believe God cares about the well-being of people just as much as He cares about the institution of marriage.

Emotional abuse carries the same weight as physical abuse.

Constantly raining insults on a person, telling them how they’ve changed in their appearance, and talking down on everything they do can lead to depression, low self-esteem, and emotional trauma. That’s a very unhealthy situation that no one should be forced to stay in.

This is why I support divorce: God intentionally created us in His image and likeness, not to suffer and die in a marriage that makes us lose ourselves.

I believe God loves us so much that He created marriage for us to enjoy. And no, I’m not saying marriage is only for the good times, but the difficult times shouldn’t lead a person to lose their dignity, their peace, their sense of self, or their safety. I don’t believe enduring abuse is what God intended marriage to be.

Now, let’s talk about Purity Culture.

In my experience, purity culture has been preached more heavily to women than to men.

And I’ve always wondered why. I mean, our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, right?

So why does it seem like women are the ones who hear this message the most?

It’s even crazier that, instead of raising young girls in the ways of the Lord and teaching them how important it is to know that their bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, they’re often told to keep themselves for marriage—for “their husband.”

I mean, my husband should be keeping himself too, right?

But no, “he’s a man.”

I find that really unfair, and I think it’s necessary to educate young boys, young men, and even adults on how important it is to keep their bodies pure too.

I also think it’s unfair to expect women to dress a certain way because they’re supposedly “tempting” men. I don’t believe it’s a woman’s responsibility to manage a man’s self-control. Both men and women are responsible for their own thoughts, actions, and self-discipline.

I believe this is a topic that should be talked about more often.

Purity is for both genders, not just women.

Another topic I have a different perspective on is: Secular Music.

Can I listen to secular music as a Christian?

It’s a question you’ve probably asked yourself at some point in your life.

I think Christians have oversimplified the conversation around secular music, and I’ve noticed that discussions about secular music often end before they really begin.

It’s always, “No, because it doesn’t give glory to God,” and then this Bible verse is used to justify that claim.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭10‬:‭31‬ ‭NIV‬‬

But I’ve observed that these same people engage in other activities that aren’t sinful yet don’t directly bring glory to God.

An example would be football.

I mean, almost everyone watches football (except me). Even pastors do.

And it’s such an amazing sport, but it doesn’t necessarily give glory to God.

But you still watch it, don’t you?

Even movies, comedy shows, and video games you enjoy those too, right?

So why is it that when it comes to music, you draw the line?

And judge people who don’t?

I think it’s crazy, honestly.

I’m not talking about worldly music here; I’m talking about secular music.

And something that’s helped me or rather, something that’s still helping me, is the Holy Spirit.

Whenever a song isn’t right, I feel convicted and stop listening to it.

Some people would say, “Well, music is deeper. It has spirits.”

True.

But what doesn’t?

This is a spiritual world, and the Holy Spirit should be our guide.

This is your cue to find good music that you genuinely enjoy and vibe to. I promise you, it’s not a taboo.

I also believe it’s better to be honest with yourself than to pretend you only enjoy gospel music when there are secular songs that are beautiful too.

Just ask the Holy Spirit for guidance.

Ouu, I’ve personally been waiting for this topic.

Submission.

I’ve always had a problem with submission.

Well, the kind I see displayed around me is something I never want to experience.

I like the idea of my husband being a leader. What I don’t like is the idea of feeling like a servant instead of a partner.

To me, leadership in marriage shouldn’t look like control. It should look like love, sacrifice, humility, and responsibility. I want a marriage where we’re a team, where my voice matters, my opinions are valued, and decisions are made together. I don’t think partnership and leadership have to cancel each other out.

Should all men be submitted to?

No.

Not if they don’t love you enough and reverence God.

I believe leadership doesn’t mean one person is always right. I mean, marriage is one of the biggest commitments you’ll ever make.

So why shouldn’t both people have a meaningful voice?

I find it alarming that many men want their wives to submit without first loving them well.

Love is kind, love is patient, it doesn’t boast, and it isn’t proud.

If that’s the standard, then leadership should never look like intimidation, manipulation, or control. It should look like service, sacrifice, and a willingness to put your spouse before yourself.

I don’t believe submission should be demanded. I believe it’s something that grows in an environment where love, trust, and respect already exist.

At the end of the day, I don’t think submission should cost a woman her voice, her dignity or her identity. To me, a healthy marriage is one where both people are heard, respected and deeply loved.

And this is why I want to talk about Feminism next, because I think a lot of Christians hear the word and assume the worst before understanding what it actually stands for.

What’s feminism?

At its core, feminism is about advocating for the equality of women. Over time, different branches of feminism have developed, and not everyone who identifies as a feminist agrees on every issue.

I’m a feminist and when I say I’m a feminist, I mean I believe women deserve equal dignity, equal opportunities, and the freedom to live without discrimination or abuse. That doesn’t mean I agree with every idea that has ever been associated with feminism.”

Can you be a Christian and a Feminist?

Yes.

Why?

Because I don’t believe my faith requires me to abandon the belief that women deserve equal dignity, respect, and opportunities. If anything, my faith reinforces it.

Genesis tells us that both man and woman were created in the image and likeness of God. If we both bear God’s image, then I don’t believe one is inherently more valuable than the other.

I also look at the life of Jesus. Time and time again, He treated women with dignity, compassion, and respect, even when the culture around Him didn’t.

To me, feminism isn’t about proving that women are better than men or making men feel smaller. It’s about recognizing that women are equally deserving of respect, safety, opportunity, and justice.

Being a feminist doesn’t make me less of a Christian, just as being a Christian doesn’t stop me from caring about the issues women face. I don’t see those two identities as being in conflict.

Will every Christian agree with me? Probably not. But this is where I stand.

I’ve also observed that many people judge feminism by its most extreme expressions, and because of that, they don’t want to be associated with it.

I agree that there are extreme parts of feminism, but there are also extreme parts of almost every movement you can think of even Christianity. But does that invalidate the movement as a whole?

I don’t think so.

I’m proud to be a feminist because feminism is one of the reasons I can speak freely, share my opinions, and even write about them. It’s one of the reasons I can own a bank account, pursue an education, build a career, and have my voice heard as a woman.

For me, feminism isn’t about competing with men or replacing them. It’s about ensuring that women are treated with the same dignity, respect, and opportunities that every human being deserves.

Conclusion

I’m glad I can finally write this.

And before you start quoting Bible verses at me, I’ve thought about these topics for a long time. I created Substack to share my thoughts as a person, not to perform for an audience.

I don’t want to live a life where I pretend to believe things I don’t genuinely believe. I’d rather be an honest Christian who’s willing to wrestle with difficult questions than pretend I have all the answers.

So, this is my stance on these topics.

You don’t have to agree with me,but I hope this makes you think.

Sadness isn’t exactly what you would think it is, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re just completely down physically.

Crazy fact is I’ve been happy, laughing, going about my activities.

Bet my friends don’t even know I’m going through this, because it’s something I genuinely can’t explain.

Or maybe I just want to learn to sit with myself instead of talking about my feelings.

I miss the girl I used to be, genuinely.

I don’t even enjoy doing the things I used to anymore.

And I feel I’m getting used to this feeling.

And I talk to Jesus a lot.

The Holy Spirit is literally the best thing that has happened to me in my entire life.

But I feel sad.

Really sad.

And my chest hurts from time to time.

But I’m still showing up, I mean if I don’t then who will??

There’s just a lot to say but I can’t even put them to words.

I cry a lot.

Secretly but surely.

I can’t wait for Upper room.

I’m so excited.

I’m glad that I can write about this, and even though this post is short, I feel slightly better putting how I feel into words.

At least to the best of my ability.

Worship is total surrender. And that’s the hardest part of it.

How do I give myself away, when i want to be in control of my life. How do I give myself away when I have trust issues?

How can someone like me who likes being so self aware, surrender ?

How can I let myself be vulnerable when I always want to look okay.

But the spirit of God doesnt care what you think of yourself.

Like Min Dusin always said “the spirit doesn’t need any introduction, when he moves it shows”.

I’ve always thought that to worship means to sing and dance only.

But as I grew older I began to realise that worship is about the posture of your heart.

Yes, you reference God in worship.

But it’s not tied to just songs, there’s a deeper dimension only the posture of your heart can take you to.

Oh how I love to worship.

How I love to call you names, how I love to be in awe of your glory.

How I love to be speechless in your presence because words always fail me.

How I love to surrender and be vulnerable. Because truly the only place I find peace is at your feet.

I finally understand the lyrics of that song “what a God” by SEU worship.

If the highest place I reach is at your feet, then I’ve done it all.

If the best thing that I see is your glory, then I’ve seen it all.

Truly, there’s no where else I rather be.

I love how intentional you are about me God.

And how you draw me closer to you through worship.

Thank you.

Thank you so so much.

You know there’s a part of a song by Theophilus Sunday and Abbey Ojomu titled “We behold Qavah Anthem” where he says “what I love most about the presence of God is how there’s no crowd, just you and him”.

At first, when I listened I didn’t get it because I didn’t surrender totally yet, I kept worship brief.

But with time, I understood the depth of worship and I love how empty the room is, when i fix my gaze on him.

I do not care about who is doing what, because in worship it’s just me and him.

Praying and Studying of the word are also forms of worship.

Oh, how I love to worship you Lord and let it all go.

In all you do, please reference him.

Because he alone deserves the worship🤍.

At first you’re so sure you love yourself, but then you’re up at 1am thinking of all the things you could’ve done to make a situation turn out better.

You say you love yourself but you’re so quick to talk about your insecurities.

“I conclude too much”

“I overthink a lot”

“I am too deep”

“I cry too much”

“Why am I so sensitive”

“Why do I feel care too much”

And maybe you actually care about yourself at least to the best of your knowledge, you do.

But you’re also extremely hard on yourself.

You may think to yourself but at least I’m not self harming ( burning myself, starving myself, drinking myself to sleep, smoking, clubbing) and all those physical activities that people do to clear their head.

But self harm doesn’t always have to be physical.

I think emotional self harm and neglect is even worse. Because you’re not seeing you.

You’re not living for you.

You’re not understanding the fact that you’re a human, and you cannot please everyone.

The thing is, people think people pleasing must always be loud, but it doesn’t.

It’s always the little compromise.

“I shouldn’t talk so much since this person doesnt like that” says a natural yapper.

“ I shouldn’t talk about my feelings and my care since they don’t seem to treat me well” says someone who has been feeling emotionally neglected.

“ I shouldn’t cry around them, I don’t want to look weak” says someone who has emotions and feels everything.

“ i shouldn’t this” “I shouldn’t that”

You’re constantly watching your every move.

You’re shrinking yourself, slowly but surely.

And I know you see posts like this almost all the time, but you’ve not really sat down with it.

Please sit with this.

Self love is understanding who you are and appreciating it.

Not shrinking for anyone and any relationship.

Sadly, a lot of people claim to love themselves but they don’t.

They want to be perceived a certain way, but it’s not problem what people think of you.

It shouldn’t be.

As for me I want to start “living loud”.

I am a dramatic person. I feel everything deeply. I love to yap. I love to listen to music.

I love”love”. I love to care. I love to create.

And most especially I love God.

And it’s okay that not everyone would like that. It’s my life, not theirs.

I remember being little and insecure because of this crap called “Beauty Standards”. I never really understood what it meant then,but I knew I wasn’t happy being a Dark skinned child because I was always compared to the Fair skinned child that was always shining.

I got into Secondary school and the comparison continued but this time around I was being compared to my senior sister that was in Ss3 at that time.I mean what do you expect from a child that is in Jss1???. Goshhhh!!! Now that I think of it, I actually went to a very toxic school Godforbid bad thing!!!😒. I remember being called “the child from the bush” because my sister was really fair and beautiful while I was considered dark and ugly.At that time, the seniors and everyone that knew my sister (she was popular) made sure I felt ashamed of being dark skinned every single day and that was the least of the bullying I endured.

Over the years I started growing (I’ve always been bigger than my age), and why was that such a big deal to everyone around me???

And because I had a little bit of fat, and I was hairy, I sweat a lot too(I ask again,why that is a problem??). I would hear “you’re bigger than your age o”, whenever I try to have a decent meal, and I got too exhausted that I started loosing appetite to eat. Or sometimes I eat In secret to avoid such talks. I remember hearing “Can’t you be slim like your sister” back to back-It was exhausting.

Did I make myself this way???

Did I create the hair on my body?

Did I choose to be thick??

Did I choose to be bigger than my age??

I became so insecure that reassurance became something I craved every time because no matter how much you tell me I’m pretty, I’m gorgeous, I’m stunning, I’m beautiful, I would never feel complete. I would always want more, because of all I’ve carried in my head since I was little.

I remember being such an active seeker for male validation😭

Uwa muoooo (cries in agony in Igbo language)

I went on with life craving validation not just from men but people in general .

I wanted to be seen and respected just the way I am.

All these went on till one day…

My mom friend came over and invited me to her church saying that her daughter was the Teens president and how she would love to have me. When this happened I had started learning on or two about self love, and I wanted to love myself so much more- so it didn’t happen over night (just to be clear) .

So I accepted the invitation and went to the church. The teens’ church was so welcoming .I just knew that I needed to attend their service again

One day she asked me “Are you born again?”, I had always “repented” whenever I sinned ,so I replied yes. But she asked again and said “Are you truly born again ?“ so I said I don’t know.

So she said there’s nothing wrong with no knowing—that I can be sure right now if I say these confession words with her. So I did, and I gave my life it Christ in March 2023. and I actually started learning about Christ for myself: all He did for me,what He went through for me, how He loves and sees me, and I started applying it to my life.What he says, not what people or the world says about me.

So whenever I would feel insecure, I would check the Bible for what God says about me. I would look at nature and say to myself “The God that created this, created me” and smile. If I feel thick or ashamed that my thighs were big and I couldn’t fit in my sister’s clothes , I would check the Bible and see that I was created in God’s image and likeness . This went on for a long time and finally I started to see myself how God saw me.I started dressing pretty,styling my hair,filming myself,taking pictures and feeling pretty; doing lip combos and basking in self-love and appreciation.

I knew when I needed to walk away from things that no longer serve me.

I mean I feel pretty when I dress up

And even when I don’t.

And there’s this construct that social media has built in our minds for far too long—that you must have an hourglass shape,tiny waist, or a big booty to feel pretty. Or a perfect skin maintained by lots of expensive skincare, lashes and nails to feel complete.

But I’m here to tell you ,dear reader: you are perfect with or without those things.

God created us all— with small booty,acne prone skin,oily skin,dry skin,slim bodies ,thick bodies ,fat,plus size,short ,tall.

He created us all!!!

So you don’t have to wait till you’ve done your “maintenance” to feel pretty🥹

Because you’re so,so, so gorgeous and you don’t even need me to tell you that.

Because his word confirms it.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139‬:‭14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“So God created humans in his own image. He created them to be like himself. He created them male and female.”

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭1‬:‭27‬ ‭ERV‬‬

Emphasis on “Image”🫢.

So when you see me write or post about God,it’s not to make myself seem Holy or be a performative Christian.Its just me trying to tell people about the person that made me who I am today. So no, I am no longer the insecure, attention—seeking girl .I’m a girl carried by a God who loves, who sees, and who makes people complete.

Jesus changed everything about my life and I won’t be quiet until I can bring more people to see Him the same way I do.

Dear reader:Your value and worth isn’t attached to what the world says.

Beauty Standards should end !!!

They are crap!!!

They shouldn’t be prioritised,you should 😘.

Thank you for reading💗!!

Please come back again💗.

I mean I was never the type to fit in.

I wanted to be different,not casual,something a little more than others.

When I was in my early teens I discovered that I liked content creation,I would binge watch videos from my fav content creators(with my sisters tab), I would look in the mirror and talk to myself all day.I also discovered that I liked to cook(bake, anything related to it) but I never really got the chance to learn how to bake ,I learnt every other thing but baking (tailoring,hairdressing, *I didn’t put my mind in them ) and that’s because my mom didn’t couldn’t afford the fees for catering class(it was expensive) and I totally understood but I never gave up because I loved catering so so much.

I love the art so much

I mean God really ate with making the ingredients for cooking and baking.

So I would watch videos on how to bake (I remember the first time I did small chops🤣,Oil wanted to kill me😭),but apart from that it was so nice and I loved it so much (my family did too)

I said first time like I’ve tried it again😔(I haven’t )but even if I did try it again I know I would be so much better because I’ve gained more knowledge now.

So when I started creating contents I started with food content on YouTube (I made jollof rice) but I wasn’t consistent because I had a phone with a very low storage and a bad background (to me then actually) from food contents,I started talking more on YouTube (I love to yap) my account wasn’t growing that much, I was so focused on numbers and subscribers that I didn’t put my full self in the contents anymore (so little by little I lost interest in contents) and this wasn’t just on YouTube (I deleted my first and second TikTok account because of low views and engagements)

I wasn’t consistent and I let people get to me.I would cringe if someone I knew personally sees my contents, I wanted to be unknown and unseen but did I want that really??

Now with my previous contents I did cooking,skincare (I even wanted to be a Ugc creator😭) but I knew my page can’t just be about skincare and products,I wanted more.

So I talked about God,not in the preaching aspect and all but just sharing thoughts and taking on the fruits of the spirit and Life in general.

Then I started lip combos (all with my second account) and I loved doing that

I added fashion to it too

Just a few fits here and there and I felt like me.

But was TikTok giving me that recognition??

No and i gave up.

And deleted the account.💔

Another reason was that people from my school were finding me on TikTok and I didn’t want that,so I vanished and created an account that no one knew of.

And now I’m trying to grow this new account and sometimes I feel like giving up but I always ask myself “Will I keep running?, how then will I grow???”

The problem isn’t even with me,it’s with the app

So many people , that you have to do too much to be seen

But I had to ask myself the reason for my content creation

People or me??

Now I finally have concluded that I AM THE NICHE

I will Bake,Yap,Do Skincare,Cook,Do Lip Combos and grow into Makeup,Talk about God and Share life Experiences on my Account because it is my account and I should be in charge

Despite my low views and engagements

All na show!🤣

Even here on Substack.

I would write about every and anything

God,Love,Grades,Feminism,Lust,Pedophiles.

Every single thing I can think of.

I Am The NICHE

2 pastries I made recently 🫢

Juicy cinnamon rolls🤤

AND

And this fluffy plantain puff puff🤤

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.

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So please stop putting yourself in a box,you’re in charge of your life

Love it and Live it to the fullest!!!!!!

Thanks for reading🥹

I never really understood why Max got a lot of Hate in the series Ginny and Georgia because her only fault was that she cared.

I care, and I just don’t care. I care deeply

Too deeply that sometimes I feel that I’m being too stupid (not until recently tho)

I’ve never been the type to discomfort people or make them feel unseen, because I care even when they aren’t related to me personally and that has always been a problem because people tend to use you when they see you have a good heart .

Max was the available friend — always there when you needed her , always the saviour,never the saved and I saw myself in her (Not in the aspect of never being saved but in the aspect that I’m always available and ready to be there for you)

But 7/10 times I’m always the saviour and barely the saved.

And I’ve always looked out for someone like me in people but I’ve never seen any.

I wish I could have someone like me,in my life.

Yes,Life gets busy (so they say) but even at that?

I’ve observed that people are mainly selfish and not everyone can be selfless like me and that’s alright “I high key want a selfless friend so we could be in a selfless friendship together” that would’ve been what I would’ve said if I were still in Jss2😭.*I still want it tho😔.

I understand that life can get really busy, people have responsibilities but still I want some deep caree ,I need a Max in my life.

Whenever I think about the times I’ve gone above and beyond for people that never did the same for me, I just feel really sad.

Na only me rate this friendship?

I’ve been told so many times that I’m too nice(My family wouldn’t agree tho)

And honestly,I’ve struggled with friendships and relationships (I’ve not experienced the best of them  yet)

But at the end of the day

I’ve learnt to go above and beyond only for those who can do the same for me..

And march energy (it feels really sad to say this but that’s just the way forward)

I can’t keep being overly interested and invested in you if you aren’t doing the same

And for the people like me and max

Always feel and feel deeply.

But still learn where to draw boundaries .🫂

Phew…

Where do I start from???

How do I gather all my frustration into one article?

How???

I’ve seen this patriarchy being passed down from generation to generation

year after year,decade after decade yet nothing is being done about it.

It’s not just in Nigeria,it’s in Africa as a whole and it’s really sad

But in this article I’ll focus on Nigeria because it’s happening to me and my friends and there’s nothing we can do about it.

MEN ARE KINGS

Growing up, my mom constantly told me to let men take the upper hand. ‘They’re men, that’s just how they are,’ she would say. As a woman, I was expected to be cautious, naive, and extremely submissive.

‘If you’re not married by 30, it’s a shame.’

‘Always look for men with money so you can live the life.’

But what she really meant was, even if he’s not your type, as long as he has money, settle.’

To me, that is settling. That is less. And I will never do that.

‘Your husband is your life. Make him happy. Submit to him. Don’t talk back.’

She even tried to apply these same rules to my elder brother, but of course, that didn’t work. Because patriarchy is designed to control women, not men.”

“As if that wasn’t enough, she trained my brothers to be lazy. I have two brothers, by the way. Let’s move on to the next phase.”

SHE BECAME A BOY MOM.

It’s crazy how I didn’t even realize what was happening until I understood what patriarchy really is. And when I did,it hit me hard. I’ve been oppressed since I was a child… by my own mother.

I was just 9 or 10 when I started entering the kitchen. And since then, I haven’t rested.

In my house, the unspoken rule is:

“Girls do everything. Boys just eat and play games.”

My younger brother only just started washing plates at 16and everyone is acting like it’s a big deal. Meanwhile, I was scrubbing pots before I even had proper height.

My elder brother? He’s 24. Does nothing. Lazy, entitled. And my mom still cleans his room because I refused to.

And the worst part?

The house falls apart when I’m not around. Why? Because the girls were trained to carry everything, and the boys were raised to do nothing.

I have three sisters, and they passed that load down to me. Now I have no one to pass it to and honestly, even if I did, I wouldn’t.

Because this cycle has to stop.

Why should the girl child carry all the stress?

Sometimes, I honestly feel like I’m her least favorite child.

Probably because I don’t keep my mouth shut.

Because I ask questions.

Because I speak up.

I can be sick and this woman will still tell me to get in the kitchen.

I literally came back from school after a full day on the road, tired and drained and she still expected me to cook that same night.

Haba now.

The way the world is today, everybody is hustling, housework should be equal. Period.

There is Nigerian/African Patriarchy and there’s Igbo patriarchy I’ll write a different article about Igbo Patriarchy.

Because of what my mom put me through as a girl child, I’ve promised myself I’ll never raise my children the way she did.

To her, it’s the “right” and “correct” way to train a girl child.

And lest I forget

I remember coming back from school (uni), only to find my room and bathroom completely messed up.

These boys turned my bathroom into a laundry room and left it filthy.

I complained bitterly to my mom, and she laughed it off, saying:

“That’s why you’re a girl. You’ll fix it.”

I was shocked.

Those words echoed in my head for days.

And I had to ask myself:

Why are so many Nigerian mothers like this?

They’re busy training uncultured, entitled men, while preaching that they love all their children equally. But their actions towards the girl child expose their true bias.

I love being a girl

Just not in a Nigerian home.

A place where there’s no such thing as mental health,

Where you always have to act “fine” even when you’re breaking down,

And even if you’re not okay,

You still have to cook and clean anyway because that’s “a girl’s place.” In the kitchen. 💔

And these boys being raised like this?

They grow up expecting their girlfriends to act like mothers, not partners.

God help Nigerian mothers.

But more importantly

GIRLS, WISE UP!

Stop being gullible and naïve.

Educate yourself.

Stand up for yourself.

Hustle hard and pray for God’s guidance.

Because let’s be real:

MONEY DEY STOP NONSENSE.

It’s 11:00pm

I don’t know if I feel worse than the person in this picture but this is the closest to how I feel rn.

Should I gaslight myself and think “Ama he’s just testing you, don’t worry it’ll be fine”.

Let’s talk about faith .

Faith in my understanding is “ believing something will happen without even seeing the slightest sign of it,I mean even the tiniest bit of sign but you believe it will”.

Have “faith” Ama.

Trust in God Ama.

It’s so easy to think I trust him to deliver,I know he will but sometimes I feel forgotten.

I’m listening to a song by AEO named “ZA” with tears at the tip of my eyes but this song is the only thing that’s helping me write clearly and express myself clearly.

One line from the song is stucked in my head “when we call your name you deliver”

I choose to believe that he’ll deliver,I just choose to believe that.

I kind of diverted a little but I needed to write that before even starting to go into details.

I feel stucked.

I’m 19 and I feel so stucked.

As a Nigerian,in a country with bad economy and a school that extorts crazily from students forcing them to sort (pay for)some courses to pass them

And from a family that’s trying to survive in a country like this.

I feel stucked .

I don’t even know what to do,I have no one to call for help only you God so why do I feel you don’t listen?💔

I’ve always been the “always look put together no matter the situation” type of person.You can hardly tell I’m going through anything and you’ve been helping me out God but why have you decided to be quiet recently???

We’ve been struggling over the years and I can’t continue this way.I need a job,I need to do something to help take care of myself and relief the weight from my Mom because I can’t bring myself to type what I heard today and what the devil has been doing for the longest time.

They say “comparison is the thief of joy” yes it is but sometimes it’s needed because it reminds you of some races you still need to run and some places you still have to reach.It’s like everyone is moving on,doing things for themselves and I’m just here thinking of what i can possibly do online to help myself out.Everyday feels like a waste and I feel so numb lately that I don’t even want to talk to anyone

I’m trying to make myself happy by distracting myself (dressing up and looking good, taking pictures,making videos) but they don’t seem to be working ):

I really need you to come through God because at this point.I have no one else to call

I can’t blame you for anything (God), because I know you have my best interest at heart but it kind of sucks to not have an earthly father to provide for us and make life a little bit easier knowing I have a father I can call.

Please God .

Please.

I really need you.

Somehow the tears dried back up but my heart is heavy .

Help me lord

Please🧎‍♀️.

If you stayed to the end thank you and God bless you and please if you have any job opportunities you can link me to

I’ll be so grateful (I have no qualifications,I’m a 200l medical laboratory science student in Nigeria)

It’s easy to say put your trust in God,don’t worry about anything but pray about everything (Phillipians 4:6)

But it’s also so hard not to worry,

It’s also hard to trust in God fully and stop trying to handle everything ourselves.

As a young teenage girl, I have a habit which I think is a problem and that habit is I feel everything.I feel too much,the slightest word pierces deep into my soul,I feel the slightest change in effort.I feel every lack of effort,I feel so so much and I’m afraid it does more harm than good.

How do I explain that I’m trying to be like Jesus but I still struggle with lots of things,I still focus on some things of the world.My heart still aches when I see people break up after a very long time of being in a relationship ,my heart still aches when I see men unalive their supposed “lovers”.How do I explain that I just want the type of love I give out,How do I explain that I need Godly friends ,I need really good friends in total,How do I explain that I still want love .

How do I explain that some secular music still gets me,How do I explain that I struggle with comparison sometimes,How do i explain that I also want to be loved and touched.How do I explain all these??.People often think that all Christians are religious freaks that think they’re better than anyone but I personally think that’s not true,we fall too but we pray for help,we pray for strength, we pray for grace

I personally struggle with a lot I’m saying (judgement without even talking,gossiping,lusts ,lack of consistency with God,Liking guys that’ll do more harm than Good)

But I pray about it and I know he will listen because he always does

So when you see me speak or post about Jesus it’s not that I’m trying to be better than you or something.I’m just a girl that loves God and is trying to be like him.

Day after day

Month after month

Year after year

And by his grace I will.

At the end of the day I’m only a Human that was called to stand out

Whoever said friendship break ups don’t hurt more than relationship breakups needs to be executed because how do I explain how I feel?

I’m still in awe because I can’t bring myself to move on completely. I tell anyone who asks that I’m fine and that I don’t care it just didn’t work out but deep down I’m still shocked that you could do that to me.

I’ve always been the over present friend ,I love to cather for my friends and help out in ways I can.I love making you so comfortable around me,I love making you feel seen,I love making you feel heard. I mean what else is the purpose for friendship???

You were the first real friend I had in this uni (I mean I thought you were) but was I wrong??

Were you waiting for an opportunity for us to fall out??

I may be wrong tho or not??

You were always distant,and it felt like I put in more effort more than you did which made me feel so sad most times but I can’t force you to open up to me can I? Fortunately, I wasn’t the only one feeling that way. Our third friend in the group felt that way too and whenever we spoke to you about it,you said you were going to do better -but in your words, “That’s just the way I am”

I tried to understand that not everyone can be expressive as I am, so I decided to not stress it until i saw those messages. The messages that shattered my heart . 💔

You claimed you weren’t an expressive person, but you were so comforting in those messages.You gave your all to everyone but me. You sent long, comforting paragraphs to him but I got was one post on my birthday saying I was a “friend turned sister .“ But I never really felt that way, did I?

And that wasn’t enough. He insulted me and our third friend in the group, and all you could do in that moment was to send four laughing emojis -“😅😅😅😅” ?

Really?? Was that the best you could do?

You know I would’ve stood up for you anytime,any day. You almost let me be stranded because I chose to compromise for my “friend”

Deep down, I knew you wouldn’t compromise that much for me,but I did -because I loved you so much and wanted us to be friends for life. That can’t happen now,can it?

Lest I forget , we spoke to her about how we felt-and she chose to gaslight us as if we were fools who didn’t know what we were saying.She did so much more that i won’t even disclose,yet she flat-out denied it and gaslighted the living daylights out of us.

Usually, I would’ve gone back to try and talk it out-but “I know that I’m loved by God,and I love myself enough to walk away from a toxic friendship.”

After gaslighting us and offering and grudgingly apology, she came to sit beside us-knowing fully well that we were still upset, yet we couldn’t just leave her stranded.

During the exam she said beside us and made the invigilator take my other friends answer booklet by asking too many questions.

It wasn’t a nice sight that day.So after that day we didn’t sit with her and she left with her bag.

Since then my friends.. i and my friend haven’t heard a single word from her.

I’m still in awe that you really didn’t care to reach out until now. Did I really mean so little? I keep asking myself…

But I’m not going to stop being a loving friend.I’ll keep giving my love because God loves me so,so much despite my flaws.

What he says,I do.