i am so tired today; i almost didn't write this. which is weird for me, because usually i find writing to be quite calming. usually writing is the one place where i don't have to perform. i can just say what i feel and it doesn't have to be pretty or useful or inspiring. but today, even that feels like too much. today even opening my laptop felt like a task i had to convince myself to do. my hands felt heavy. my eyes felt heavy. everything felt heavy.

nothing big has happened today. that's the frustrating part. if i had some dramatic circumstances to articulate, i would probably feel better. if something terrible had happened, i could point to it and say, that's why. that's why i am tired. that's why i am not okay. but no. it was just one of those days. a completely ordinary, unremarkable, nothing-special kind of day. and i am still so, so worn out at the end of it. so tired that i feel guilty for being tired, because what do i even have to be tired about?

i woke up tired. that is the truth i don't like admitting. i slept for seven hours. my alarm went off at the right time. i didn't snooze it too many times. but i woke up and my body was awake and my brain was not, or maybe my brain was awake and my body was not. i checked my phone before my feet hit the ground. i know i shouldn't do that. i know every self-help post says don't check your phone first thing in the morning. but i did. then i was immediately in ten conversations at once - some real, via text, some in my own brain. what did i say yesterday, what should i have said, and what will i say tomorrow. before i had even brushed my teeth, i had already lived a whole day in my head.

i am so tired of trying so hard at things that should be simple. like resting. how did resting become something i have to learn how to do? when i was a kid, resting was easy. you just lay down. you just sat. you just stared out of the window. now resting feels like a project. i have to schedule it. i have to earn it. i have to do a breathing technique correctly in order to be allowed to rest.

i tried to experience this boredom thing all over again today. sitting without doing anything. i set a timer for ten minutes. i told myself, just sit. no phone, no music, no podcast, no productivity. just sit. and for the first two minutes it was nice. i could hear the fan in my room, that slow, familiar sound that i usually tune out. i could hear the honking outside my window from the bikes and cars, mumbai never really being quiet. and i could hear my own breath. and under all of it i could hear that i am so tired. not a sleepy tired. a deep tired. a tired that lives in my chest more than in my eyes.

i was tired of being bored, so i put on my headphones. i know that defeats the whole point of the exercise. but i did. i needed something to fill the space, because the space was showing me too much. and i am not always brave enough to look at what the quiet shows me.

i think a big part of this is that i have been drained for so long and pretending it is something else. i have been so good at renaming my tiredness to make it more acceptable. i called it laziness when i couldn't get out of bed, as if shaming myself would make me get up faster. i called it procrastination when i couldn't get into my work, as if calling it a productivity flaw would make it go away. i called it lack of gratitude when i was just tired, because i have a good life, i have people who love me, i have opportunities, so how dare i be tired? how dare i not be buzzing with energy and gratitude all the time?

but today i want to call it what it is: i am exhausted. i am not lazy. i am not ungrateful. i am not broken. i am just a person who has been holding a lot for a long time without really putting it down.

i am tired of being the person who always figures it out. i am tired of having to be self-aware all the time. have you ever felt tired of self-improvement? i have. i am so tired of trying to be a better version of myself. sometimes i just want to be a version of myself. not better. not optimized. just me. tired, messy, not fully put together, but still here.

i don't want a five-step solution tonight. i know that i should be drinking more water and getting to sleep on time and taking walks and journaling and all of these other cliched things. i know exercise helps. i know less screen time helps. i remember having all these lists at some point in my life, these perfect morning routines and night routines that were supposed to fix me. maybe i will start making them again tomorrow. maybe tomorrow i will be the person who wakes up at 6am and drinks warm water and meditates. but tonight i just want to say out loud what i have been pretending for so long.

i am tired. and i am not going to apologize for it.

i am sitting in my room, it is late, my laptop screen hurts my eyes, and i am writing this journal entry because i don't want to keep pretending that i am fine. pretending is exhausting too. smiling when you are tired is its own full-time job. saying "i'm good, just a bit tired" when you are actually so tired you could cry is exhausting.

and i am not fine tonight; i am just tired. and i want that to be allowed. i want tired to be a complete sentence. i don't want to have to explain it or justify it or turn it into a lesson about burnout and how i overcame it. there is no overcoming tonight. there is just being.

if you are reading this, and you are also exhausted for no big reason, i hope you know that you are not alone. i hope you know that you don't have to have a dramatic story to be allowed to rest. you don't have to hit rock bottom to deserve softness. you can just be tired on a regular friday night after a regular day, and that tiredness can still be real and valid.

you don't have to be inspiring and productive and energetic for everyone all the time; sometimes you can just be tired. sometimes the bravest thing you can do is admit that you have nothing left to give today.

and that can be enough for today. that really can be enough. not every day has to be a breakthrough. some days are just for surviving. some days are just for being tired and still being kind to yourself while you are tired.

i am going to go close my laptop now, and i am not going to do a perfect nighttime ritual. i am not going to do a 10-step skincare routine or write a gratitude list or plan my tomorrow hour by hour. i will just make the room dark and lay down and let my tiredness consume me - not in a scary way, but in a soft way. like letting a wave carry you for a while instead of fighting it.

because maybe i will feel better in the morning, or maybe i won't. maybe i will wake up feeling dull again. but i'll be here either way. i will still try again either way. and maybe that can be enough, too.

if this resonted with you, you can buy me a coffee <3

In case you didn't know, I have two publications:

☕ Coffee Stained Pages — raw, real-life stories

📘 The Self-Education Manual — practical, 3-minute guides on thinking better & living better

Your coffee supports both. It helps me keep writing free, honest, and ad-free.

Thank you.

will i ever stop feeling like an imposter?

i ask myself this in the most random moments. not just after a failure. often after something good happens. after i get into a place i worked for, after i get a compliment, after i finish something i should be proud of. and instead of feeling proud, i feel like i just got away with something.

like any day now someone will look closer and say, wait, you? how did you get here?

for a long time i thought this feeling was proof that i was not good enough. now i am starting to think it might be proof that i care. that i am in rooms that matter to me.

let me give you an example. in my coaching days, i was one of the top students. i knew my rank, i knew my place. the goal was clear, the syllabus was fixed, and i knew how to work towards it. the exam was a goal i loved. i lived for that goal. and i achieved it.

then i got into a prestigious university. and suddenly i was surrounded by scholars. people who were all toppers somewhere else. and for the first time, i felt average. the room got smarter and i felt smaller inside it.

and that feeling messed with my head. i went from feeling confident to feeling like an imposter in a matter of weeks. i thought, maybe my score was a fluke. maybe i don't actually belong here.

maybe you have felt something similar, even if your story is different. maybe you were good at your job and then you got promoted and now you feel lost. maybe you were confident in school and now college feels too big. maybe you are good at what you do, but you are now around people who are better, and it makes you question everything.

the imposter feeling loves transitions. it loves those moments when you go from being someone who knew their place to someone who has to find their place again.

i remember the first time i had to ask for help here. i never really had to do that before. i was always the self-sufficient one. i went to a classmate and asked them to explain something. they declined. casually. it was a small moment for them, but for me it was huge. i walked back feeling so ashamed. like i had exposed myself. like i had shown that i don't know. and my first thought was, never again. i will never ask again. i will figure everything out alone.

i think many of us do that. we take one rejection and make it a rule for life. one person says no, so we decide no one will help. one time we feel dumb, so we decide we are dumb. one time we feel average, so we decide we are average.

but one data point is not your whole story.

will i ever stop feeling like an imposter? i used to think the answer had to be yes, otherwise what is the point? i used to think confident people never feel this. but the more i talk to people i admire, the more i realize they feel it too. they just don't obey it.

i have started to see there are two kinds of this feeling. the first kind is useful. it says, you don't know this yet, go learn it. that's just honesty. the second kind is fear in disguise. it says, you will never know this, you are not the kind of person who can learn this, you tricked everyone to get here. that second voice sounds very intelligent, but it is not telling the truth.

i am trying to learn how to tell the difference.

when i feel like i don't belong here, i don't try to argue with it loudly. i used to say, "no, i am good enough, i deserve this." but that never worked because the feeling always had a comeback. now i just say, "oh, you are here again. okay. you can sit with me, but you don't get to decide."

i don't want to wait until i feel 100% legitimate to live my life. if i wait to feel ready, to feel like a real scholar, a real writer, a real whatever i want to be, i might wait forever.

and i have seen what happens when i wait. i don't make anything. i don't ask. i don't try. i just stay in my room trying to be self-sufficient and lonely.

but when i do it anyway, while feeling like an imposter, something shifts. i ask the second person and they actually explain it well. i sit in the library even though i feel average, and after two hours i understand the topic better than yesterday. i write even though i feel like a fraud, and someone says, i felt this too.

maybe confidence is not the absence of this feeling. maybe confidence is doing it while feeling it.

i still don't know if i will ever completely stop feeling like an imposter. maybe when i get used to this university, i will feel it again when i go for my first internship. maybe when i get good at that, i will feel it again when i start something new. maybe it never fully goes away because i will keep choosing bigger rooms.

and maybe that is okay.

maybe the goal is not to stop feeling like an imposter. maybe the goal is to stop letting it stop me. to let it be in the passenger seat, talking, but still driving where i want to go.

In case you didn't know, I have two publications:

☕ Coffee Stained Pages : raw, real-life stories

📘 The Self-Education Manual : practical, 3-minute guides on thinking better & living better

Your coffee supports both. It helps me keep writing free, honest, and ad-free.

you can buy me a coffee here<3

Thank you.

i want you 

your leg against mine under blanket
your voice low and drowsy in my ear
your hand tangled in my hair
and your lips grazing my temple, warm and unhurried 

i want your palm on my waist holding me close without words
your fingers tracing my spine like you're memorising it
your pulling me in with every moment 
like i'm yours to keep

i want your thumb barely grazing my wrist like an accident
your breath warm on my neck when you lean in
your knee brushing mine beneath the table
so soft, i can't tell if it's real or did i imagine it?

i want to wrap my arms around you and never let go
to melt into you while my head rests on your chest
to draw circles over your heart while you keep talking
until you pull me closer and your words trail off

i want you in the mundane and the mad
in the lazy days and the late nights
in the everyday and the extraordinary 
i want you in every tomorrow 

if this resonated with you, you can buy me a coffee <3

In case you didn't know, I have two publications:

☕ Coffee Stained Pages — raw, real-life stories

📘 The Self-Education Manual — practical, 3-minute guides on thinking better & living better

Your coffee supports both. It helps me keep writing free, honest, and ad-free.

Thank you.

yesterday i was travelling with friends on public transport. everyone had headphones in, except me and another girl from the group. we were talking about life until she got off. then it was just me. no phone in hand, no scrolling, no music. just existing. being present. feeling quietly grateful to live this life.

then a friend looked over and asked, "you don't need headphones?"

i said no.

after years of practice, i've finally gotten to a place where i can just exist with my own thoughts. i don't need constant overstimulation. they all looked surprised and said they could never do a long commute without music or a podcast.

it wasn't surprising to me. because i used to be the same person.

i used to fill every empty space with something running in the background. a 15-minute walk in the neighbourhood meant scrolling, or being on call, or listening to music. waiting in the grocery line was mindless scrolling. cooking in the kitchen required jazz music. none of that is inherently wrong, but we aren't built for this much consumption. we are constantly bombarding our brains with content and then wondering why our brains feel mushed.

i recently came across one of those reels with the yellow font. you know the ones. it said, when you're having a good day but you forget your headphones, that's enough to turn a good day into a bad one.

past me would have agreed. present me sees it differently. i would see it as a chance to look around, to people-watch, to actually be present in the moment. maybe that's progress.

i saw another post where a woman went to a coffee shop without her phone. she had a little chat with the barista, got invited for coffee the next day by a regular, and got stared at by a baby. she concluded that the world is a better place when we're not constantly masked by our digital devices.

and i wholeheartedly agree.

we need to relearn how to exist without immediately reaching for our phones or headphones. i know sitting with your own thoughts is difficult. but maybe that's the whole point — to do difficult things until they feel easy.

you don't need to cut off every podcast or song you love. baby steps go a long way. start by resisting the urge to pull out your phone in every uncomfortable moment you want to escape. leave your phone behind on your next walk.

it will feel uncomfortable at first. until it isn't.

that is the goal.

in case you didn't know, i have two publications:

☕ coffee stained pages — raw, real-life stories

📘 the self-education manual — practical, 3-minute guides on thinking better & living better

if you want to support my work, you can buy me a coffee here <3. thanks ♡

your coffee supports both. it helps me keep writing free, honest, and ad-free.

Thank you.

i miss you

i miss the way you hold my hand while walking besides me
the gentle squeezes when passing through crowds
the soft mindless circles you draw with your thumb
the way you say "you're mine" without any words

i miss the way you kiss me
so tender and warm
the way your fingers caress my face
and your lips find my forehead

i can't really tell when your thoughts quietly creep into my brain
when i'm suddenly distracted and daydreaming 
your thoughts consume me
you consume me

i miss being close to you
seeing you through screen isn't enough
i need you close
close enough that conversation becomes unnecessary 

some days it almost feels like an injustice that you're not with me
all i want is to hold you 
to kiss your cheek
and everywhere else my lips can reach

maybe this is what distance does
it intensifies intimacy
every memory becomes deeper
every touch lingers

i hope i get to be in your arms soon
to bury my face in the curve of your neck
to feel your arms around my waist
till distance has no place between us

i hope i'm near you soon 

this one's for the people in long distance relationships. i hope the distance ends and you meet your lover soon. sending you my best wishes <3.

if you felt this, you can buy me a coffee to support my work🤍

In case you didn't know, I have two publications:

☕ Coffee Stained Pages — raw, real-life stories and poetry

📘 The Self-Education Manual — practical, 3-minute guides on thinking better & living better

Your coffee supports both. It helps me keep writing free, honest, and ad-free.

Thank you.

i've been thinking a lot about the times i've hurt the people i loved the most. family. friends. and everyone in between who meant the world to me. yet, I ended up hurting them.

i loved them and still felt jealous. i valued them and still took them for granted. i respected them yet spoke to them in a tone i regretted five minutes later. i wanted them close yet pushed them away.

i think sometimes when we know that they will not leave us, like our parents or close family members, we tend to show our worst selves. sometimes stress can leak out as frustration towards nearest safest person.

the opposite is also true. sometimes, it is not safety but fear which causes wounds to our near and dear ones. our fear of abandonment can active our oldest defense mechanisms. our nervous system is triggered and we end up saying things we never meant.

i think the fear of intimacy leads to pushing away the very people we want close. i’ve sabotaged so many relationships this way. in my fear of being left, i left first. it feels better to leave than to get left. or is it just my ego speaking?

the hardest lesson i've learnt in life has to be : we can love people and still hurt them. both can coexist. infact, they do coexist because we're all human. when the guilt of hurting someone close consumes me, i find comfort in that one line. yes, i hurt them. but yes, i still love them too. this makes it easier to forgive myself.

and somehow, it has made it easier to forgive other as well. maybe, when they lashed out, it was because they trusted me enough to believe i won't leave. call me crazy, but i feel a quite sense of pride when someone shows me their worst version. it means they felt safe enough to be unfiltered with me.

this essay is not meant to justify any mental, physical or emotional abuse. if you're in a toxic relationship, leaving is the safest option.

this is just a gentle reminder that not every hurtful moment is toxicity. in any relationship, even the happiest and the healthiest, we are bound to hurt each other. and that's okay. because love isn't just in the perfect days. it's in the imperfect ones too ♡.

if this article resonated with you, you can buy me a coffee to support me <3

In case you didn't know, I have two publications:

☕ Coffee Stained Pages — raw, real-life stories

📘 The Self-Education Manual — practical, 3-minute guides on thinking better & living better

Your coffee supports both. It helps me keep writing free, honest, and ad-free.

Thank you.

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i love you

i love the way your eyes glisten when you're happy
the way your smile lits up your entire face
the way joy radiates off you and i feel it in my bones 

i love your serious face too 
when you're deep lost in thought
completely unaware of the life surrounding you
that look of undivided focus

and god
i love the way you look at me
love and affection pouring out of your eyes
your eyes find mine and i suddenly forget how not to blush

i love the silly nicknames you give me
hundreds of nicknames later and i still fall for a new one everytime
that feeling of having something that only makes sense to us
i love that

i love that you stay with me even at my lowest
when i disappoint myself
when the self hatred of not being enough and being too much at once creeps in
but you stay
you always stay
the quiet reassurance of knowing you're mine and i'm yours

how lucky am i to be yours
to have you by my side
to have the precious gift of your presence 
i wonder what have i done in my past lives to deserve you in this lifetime

now that i have you
i hope we last forever
and even if we dont
a part of me will always love you
will always be yours

i know this post is different compared to my other ones. my heart was exploding with feelings and i just needed some space to put my thoughts. i hope this is a safe space 🤍.

if this resonated with you, you can buy me a cup of coffee <3

there are two words that can potentially solve half of our problems. let them. these two words can save your energy, quieten your overthinking, help you stop chasing people, strengthen your confidence, and bring your focus back to the only person you can actually control, yourself. the truth is, most of us aren't exhausted because life is hard. we're exhausted because we're constantly trying to control things that were never ours to control. we try to control how people see us, how quickly they text back, whether they choose us, whether they understand us, whether they stay, whether they change. and without even realizing it, we hand other people the keys to our peace. one delayed reply changes our mood. one opinion ruins our confidence. one rejection suddenly makes us question our entire worth.

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the idea isn't to stop caring. it isn't about becoming cold. and it definitely isn't about accepting disrespect. it's about understanding one life-changing truth. you cannot control other people. if they want to misunderstand you, let them. if they choose to leave, let them. if they don't see your value, let them. if they judge you without knowing your story, let them. because your job isn't to manage people's opinions. your job is to protect your peace. the real thing draining you isn't actually other people. it's your constant attempt to manage them. think about how much energy we waste every single day. checking someone's last scene, reading the same message 10 different times, trying to figure out what they really meant, imagining conversations that never happened, creating worst case scenarios before anything has even gone wrong. by the end of the day, you're emotionally exhausted. not because something terrible happened, but because your mind never stopped working.

sometimes we call it love when it's actually fear. there's a huge difference. love gives people freedom. fear tries to control them. if you're constantly trying to change someone, convince them, stop them from making decisions, or make them behave in ways that make you feel safe, ask yourself honestly, is this really love, or am i just afraid of losing them? because fear turns relationships into surveillance. love turns them into safe spaces.

not everything deserves an explanation. sometimes people reply late because they're busy. sometimes they're tired. sometimes they simply don't know what to say. but an anxious mind hates uncertainty. so it starts writing stories. they're losing interest. they're ignoring me. i did something wrong. they probably don't like me anymore. notice something? none of those are facts. they're stories. and we suffer from stories far more often than reality itself. the next time you catch yourself overthinking someone's behavior, stop for a moment and ask yourself, "am i reacting to what's actually happening, or am i reacting to the story i created in my own mind?" that one question can instantly bring you back to reality and save you so much emotional energy.

also, not every reaction is about the other person. sometimes they're exposing what's happening inside us. when someone changes, we immediately start analyzing every little thing they do. but often what we're really noticing is a wound we haven't healed yet. a fear of rejection, a fear of being left behind, or the feeling that you somehow aren't enough. and those fears quietly start controlling your emotions. instead of healing those fears, we often start changing our behavior. we watch people more closely, try harder to keep them happy, overexplain ourselves, or convince ourselves that being more perfect will stop them from leaving. but none of that creates real peace. because peace doesn't come from controlling people. it comes from no longer needing to. it comes from trusting yourself enough to know this. the people who truly want to stay will stay. you don't have to chase them. you don't have to convince them. you don't have to become someone else just to be chosen. and the people who decide to leave.

as painful as it feels, maybe the most powerful thing you can do is simply let them. so, how do you actually take your energy back? it starts when you stop chasing validation, approval, and certainty from other people. you finally have room to focus on yourself. your confidence grows, your mind feels lighter, and your life stops revolving around someone else's choices. that's real freedom. let them judge you. let them underestimate you. let them believe whatever they want. your job isn't to change their mind. your job is to keep building the life you want.

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taste is not something expensive, aesthetic or something you see on pinterest. it is not just about knowing what's good, but knowing why it’s good. essentially it's the art of noticing. we think that taste is automatically developed by exposure. but i don’t think that's true. just because someone has watched thousands of movies does not imply that they have great taste in cinema. there is active observation and passive consumption. two people can watch the same movie at the same time. one can think that it was good. and the other can observe the pacing, the structure, the screenplay, the costume, and the dialogues. that's the difference.

☆ consume slowly

try reverse engineering. while doomscrolling, you might come across hundreds of reels. but which are the ones that made you stop and watch the whole video. what exactly appealed to you? was it the hook? was it the background? was it the way the person stated their views that made you stop and feel something?

one person could spend three seconds with every painting in an art museum. and the other might get lost in a single painting for fifteen minutes. it's simple. attention is the price you pay for developing taste.

☆ build references

when you have references, you can categorize things. is it timeless? or original? or cliche? you need a reference point to compare whatever it is you're building. if i'm drinking coffee for the first time, i can only say whether the coffee was good and whether i liked it. but if i'm a coffee person, i can comment about the flavour balance, the texture, the aroma, and the aftertaste. the same logic apply to design, storytelling, fashion, music. the more lived experiences and examples you have, the more nuanced your judgement becomes.

☆ steal like an artist

i recently read this book titled 'steal like an artist' by austin kleon. it's very short and easy to consume so highly recommended. stealing like an artist does not mean blatantly copying someone's work. it means taking inspiration from great examples and adding a personal touch to create something of your own. musicians start by doing covers of famous songs. artists recreate masterpieces. chefs recreate recipes. but they are not trying to copy the outcome. they are trying to absorb the principles the foundation. i truly believe that nothing is original. even the work that i put out is a collection of everything that has inspired me. the only difference is that, i am not spending all of that creativity on one reference point. which is the mistake what a lot of people make. if a random person can look at something that you have created and point out it looks like someone else's work, that just means that you have not collected enough references. you need to experience more incorporate other references to make it your own. it is not a crime to like somebody's work, admire it and to try to recreate it. it is a crime to blatantly copy it without even making the effort to tweak it, to bring your own personality into it.

☆ learn the vocabulary

language sharpens perception. your words are like bricks. if you have limited bricks, you can only build a small house. but with enough of them, you can build your own empire. developing, learning and speaking the language relating to your art is very important. and before you ask, "where do i learn this?", everything is a youtube search away. it is nobody's job to make that learning curve easier for you. if you are truly curious about it, there are rabbit holes to go down to. you want learn about song composition? listen to the behind the scenes of your favorite producers. you want to learn about screenplay and writing? the authors you look upto must've done multiple interviews. its all out there, if you want make the effort.

☆ seek friction

humans for the most part are creatures of habit. our algorithm shows us certain types of videos because it has understood our preferences. we listen to the same type of music. we read similar types of books. shop at the same places. and all of that is great. it feels good. our taste feels validated. but you cannot expand your taste like this. i'd suggest go to places that are not meant for you. go watch a foreign film. listen to a music genre you never listened to. set foot in a shop that you would never set foot in, and its totally okay, even if you didn't enjoy the experience. because an equally important question to ask yourself is what is it that other people see and like and i don't. we are often very defensive about our preferences. that is just not my style. but, if you are not open to new things then your learning has stopped. don't be cut off to new experiences even if the decisions and choices are completely against your taste and preferences. you have to be open to understanding what do other people like that perhaps I am not able to understand. that perception, that empathy to be able to see something from somebody else's eyes makes you a better artist than anything else.

☆ create more

the reason your work disappoints you in the beginning is because your taste is already good. but your skills haven't caught up yet. there's a gap between what you make and what you think is good. this gap is called skill. the more often you create, the shorter the gap becomes. maybe you want to become a published writer one day. perhaps you've read dozens of books and read hundreds of articles on how to be a good writer. but it is not until you write your first draft, that you'll understand what parts do you need to improve on. maybe you struggle with a solid opening or a smooth finish. or perhaps your vocabulary isn't as strong as you thought it is. but how will you know all of this until you do it yourself. if you only consume, you will not have the self awareness and the self awareness is exactly what you need.

i think we are all tastemakers because we as human beings are always creating. we are all creators. not the instagram kind, but we are always creating experiences. whether that's making a presentation for work or making a playlist. decorating your room. or even hosting your friends for dinner. you are creating an experience for them and for yourself. so, i think everything is an opportunity to practice, test, ask better questions, notice more, appreciate more. and i think that's a very beautiful way to move through life because when you take the time to notice things and appreciate them, your life becomes so much richer.

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i think we've started to optimize every part of our lives. we've become obsessed with productivity, and getting more in the less amount of time we have. we've started to fill each hour of our time with tasks that we ought to be doing instead of ones we want to do. we've even started to turn our hobbies into a source of income! it may seem that we are striving to try our best to climb up the ladder of our career path, but at what cost?

you wake up tired and worn out, but you force yourself to get up and work. at the end of the day, the free time you have in the evening gets consumed by some side job that was previously your hobby that now you do just to get more money. eventually, you get to a point in your life where everything you do is to gain income, and nothing you do is for your own pleasure.

i know a friend of mine who was deeply passionate about drawing. she used to love to do art, and she was excellent at it. but when she started to monetize her talent, she lost her motivation to even pick up a paintbrush. when she tried, she was consumed with so much pressure that would she would think to herself "is this good enough?" "will people see this?" "will this actually bring in money?". the art that was once fun and therapeutic was now a chore.

she had to step away from the art world completely to take a step back. she only came back when she promised herself she would at least do a piece of art a month for herself, not to sell or promote, just to remember why she fell in love with art in the first place.

i’ve seen so many instances of this happen again and again in my life. where we start doing something for the pure pleasure of doing it, and then we go down a path of turning it into something that makes us money and brings work to our lives, not joy.

the truth is, and i state the obvious again in the title of this essay, not every hobby needs to become a side hustle. not everything needs to be a source of income. you are allowed to do things just because you enjoy them, even if it is the farthest thing from productive. we all need to collectively reject hustle culture and keep one hobby that calms us down instead of adding to our workload.

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here are some slow, repetitive hobbies you can try!

1. diamond painting

it's such a relaxing type of craft to get into. you can buy a diamond painting kit on amazon that has a canvas, diamonds, and tools. you can take your time and slowly pick up each tiny stone and place it as per the numbers to create a beautiful drawing. it's very soothing!

2. drawing mandalas

drawing anything is a relaxing activity, but i find the repetitive patterns of mandalas to be very therapeutic. if you like more geometrical patterns than the typical curvy mandala, you can try zentangle.

3. gardening

this hobby is underrated. there is something about being around plants that is so calming. watching your baby plant grow is rewarding. you're also increasing your connection with mother nature, helping yourself, and helping the environment.

4. knitting

this is another beautifully repetitive activity that is super relaxing. you can start small with a keychain or a coaster, and work your way up to a whole clothing line (like a cardigan).

5. crochet

this is the sister craft of knitting. it's similar, but more focused on design. you can even customize your clothes like adding more detail to a shirt, or a hem to a skirt or a scarf.

you don't need any fancy equipment or classes to get started with any of these hobbies. i've mentioned hobbies that are slow paced and repetitive. hobbies that are a waste of time in the eyes of someone who doesn't enjoy it. but if you like to do any of them, then it isn't a waste of time. it's investing time into something you like.

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you just need to love yourself.

i know we hear it all the time. everyone says it to everybody. and it's true, you should love yourself. but no one actually tells you what self-love is. we think it's all bubble baths, affirmations, feeling good all the time and treating ourselves comfortably. while it's good to do that stuff, that's not always what self-love is. self-love can be really gritty in a lot of ways; it can be downright uncomfortable because it frequently requires a level of honesty with yourself that can feel brutal.

self-love requires discipline, not just comfort. real self-love isn't about doing what's good for you in the moment. it's about doing what's good for you in the long run. it's skipping the netflix binge in order to get a good night's sleep. it's having tough conversations that you've been avoiding. it's sticking to your boundaries even when it's inconvenient or difficult.

self-love is discipline disguised as care. think about a parent to a toddler: would you let your toddler spend 7 hours a day scrolling? no. would you let your toddler go until 4:00 p.m. without eating anything except coffee? no. would you let your toddler have dessert for dinner? no. would you let your toddler say horrible things about themselves and not challenge it? no, you wouldn't, because you love your toddler, and you need to start treating yourself that way. a parent knows that discipline is required in order to lovingly guide your child through life and make sure that they are doing what's good for them. the same goes for yourself. saying no to instant gratification is sometimes the deepest form of self-respect.

self-love will make you uncomfortable. choosing yourself often means stepping outside of your comfort zone. it's starting the workout routine even when it feels hard. it's quitting the job that is draining your soul even when you're afraid of the unknown or afraid of making a change. self-love feels more like courage than comfort. and it's trusting yourself. knowing that you will work through the discomfort and make it out on the other side. people do not realize that growth and discomfort go hand in hand. you cannot grow if you're unwilling to be uncomfortable, and knowing that is self-love.

you don't have to feel love to practice self-love. you're a human being. you're not going to wake up every day radiating self-confidence, and that's okay. self-love is not how you feel about yourself in the moment. it's how you show up for yourself consistently, even on hard days when you don't feel all that great about yourself. you keep showing up; you put in the work because action is more important than actually feeling it. self-love is about treating yourself kindly even when your inner critic is at its loudest. you can love yourself through your actions even when your feelings haven't caught up yet.

self-love means embracing who you are right now and not who you think you should be. i think more than most of us feel the want to be a better version of ourselves. and that's awesome. i think it's great that you see room for improvement. and i believe wholeheartedly that you can get there. but in order to get there, you need to have radical self-acceptance. you need to recognize where you are right now and then say, "okay, what are the steps i can take, incremental or large, to get to where i want to be?"

the formula for changing is: know where you are, know where you want to go, and take incremental steps to get there. consistently take those steps, and while you're loving yourself, it's hard not to think like, "oh, i wish i wasn't like this." we all have things about ourselves that we wish were different; that is completely normal. you can think about those things you want to improve as a person and love yourself at the same time; it's entirely possible. self-love is rooted in radical acceptance, not perfectionism. self-love is about seeing your current self as worthy and capable of growth and not something to be discarded or left behind. it is not about becoming an entirely new person.

self-love is not always about treating yourself; it's about holding yourself accountable. are you staying in a situation that's hurting you? are you procrastinating on something that has the potential to change your life? are you not keeping promises to yourself? why? what's going on? loving yourself is about holding yourself accountable, not making excuses. and what i think people miss is that accountability is not a punishment; it's not even a criticism. it's about doing what you know you need to do; and doing right by yourself and by others in your life who you have made commitments to. it's a sign of respect when you hold someone else accountable; it means you have an expectation of them.

it is a sign of respect when you hold yourself accountable in a way that is constructive and not destructive. saying , "oh, i should have gone to the gym, i'm such an idiot, why do i always do this to myself?" is not constructive. is it holding yourself accountable? you're trying to, but ultimately, that's shame; that's not going to lead to where you need to go. it's finding a balance between acknowledging where you can do better and having the compassion to forgive yourself for not being there yet. so, "oh, i didn't go to the gym today, okay, how can i make sure i get there tomorrow? what can i do differently?" that is constructive. i can make a commitment to write it down in my calendar; i'll block it off. i'm going to wake up in the morning and i'm going to ask myself, "what workout am i going to do?" and i'm going to commit to doing that workout, and that will imprint in my brain that we've decided we're going to do this; there's no question about whether it's going to happen. that is a more constructive way of going about accountability.

self-love means letting people walk away. not everyone you lose is a loss. self-love frequently requires letting go of relationships, of jobs, of habits that no longer align with your growth. self-love is about choosing yourself even when it's scary or lonely. saying goodbye to the wrong people is how you make space for the right ones. acknowledge the role that they played in your life, release them without resentment, and focus on the future; focus on the opportunities that you are creating for yourself.

self-love is a commitment, not a destination. self-love is not just something you check off your list and you've achieved it. you're not going to wake up one day and be like, "oh my god, i love myself today" no, that's not how this works. it is a lifelong practice of showing up for yourself, of assessing where you are in this current moment, and understanding whether your needs have changed. and if you're on the wrong train, you're going to be like, "oh, need to get off this train and head in a different direction." it is the lifelong practice of showing up for yourself, of assessing what your needs are in this moment, and pivoting if you aren't getting your needs met. even if you feel like you're backsliding, even if you feel like you're not making the exact progress you want to be making, self-love is still just showing up and doing it anyway.

what self-love looks like for you today, what you need right now, may not be what you need in the future; it requires constant reflection and flexibility, and you adapt as you go. growth doesn't follow a straight path; there's going to be highs, there's going to be lows, there's going to be plateaus. some days you're going to feel absolutely unstoppable and on top of the world, and other days you're going to be struggling, but that ebb and flow is part of the journey. i don't want you to think that progress is linear; it's not. but most of the time, even though it may not feel like this, most of the time if you take one step back, you end up taking two steps forward. and if you keep doing that, it's going to be annoying and it's going to feel like whiplash, but you will make progress towards where you want to go.

self-love is not a solo journey. sometimes you need help. it's not weak to admit that you need help; it's not weak to ask someone for support. that could be a coach, that could be a therapist, that could be someone in your life: a family member, a friend. asking for help is a sign of self-preservation. asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

self-love is nuanced, it's messy, it's deeply personal, and it's not always about treating yourself gently. sometimes it's about telling yourself what you need to hear and doing what you don't want to do; it's about challenging yourself to step up. and the irony is, the harder and the grittier it gets and it feels, it's actually the most rewarding and transformational times in your life. when things get rough, that's when you're going through the most change, because that's when you're the most uncomfortable. you have to remember that every single life experience teaches you something, if you're willing to learn.

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somewhere along the way, we absorbed the idea that every day should matter. that it should either be memorable, productive, emotionally significant, or at the very least something we can look back on and say, "that day moved me forward." we were taught to make each day count because life is short and time is precious. and all those phrases that sound meaningful until you realize they're just stress dressed up as wisdom.

we act like we can outsmart regret if we just optimize our schedules enough. but all that pursuit really does is make rest feel like laziness and stillness feel like missed opportunity. but the annoying unavoidable truth is that most days are just days. they come and go without ceremony. they show up. they ask nothing special of you. and they disappear quietly into the folder labeled miscellaneous life. and still we treat them like personal failures, as if the point of being alive is to create some kind of highlight reel, something we can stitch together at the end and say, "look at all that meaning."

but life isn't made of meaning. not in the way we were taught to expect. it's made of hours. moods. meals. errands. conversations you forget almost immediately after they happen. it's made of the quiet, unspectacular days that add up to something. you don't know what, but something all the same. i used to think that was a flaw. that if a day ended without a story attached to it, i'd somehow wasted it. but i've started to believe that the unremarkable days, the ones we were so quick to write off, might be the ones holding everything together.

the bad days. there are bad days that announce themselves early. a text you didn't want to wake up to. or a meeting you forgot you had. then there are the quieter bad days. the ones that sneak in while you're still trying to be functional. you sit down to work and your brain responds with a soft, "no thanks." you stare at an email for so long it starts to feel like a personal attack. you think about texting someone back and instead you put your phone face down like the message might evaporate if you just refuse to perceive it. nothing catastrophic happens. you just hit some invisible wall and slide slowly down it like a cartoon character who got tired halfway through existing.

and then of course there are the real bad days. the ones that come with weight. with grief. with the kind of sadness that doesn't need a reason because it's been living in your body for months waiting for an opening. the days where you're too tired to cry. but also too tired to do anything that might stop you from crying. the days where you move through your routine because momentum is the only thing keeping you upright. when just being awake feels like something you should get credit for.

i've had all of these days. i've eaten dinner standing at the kitchen counter, too restless to sit. i've Googled things like, "why am I suddenly crying over a commercial for allergy medication?" i've laid in bed scrolling mindlessly for hours. because somehow it feels easier to consume infinite unrelated thoughts than sit quietly with one of my own. and here's the part i want to say carefully because it's the part i wish someone had said to me. there's no prize for handling these days well.

you don't get extra credit for staying productive or staying optimistic or making it all look easy. you're allowed to have a bad day without fixing it. without reframing it into something profound. without making it a lesson in resilience or gratitude. sometimes a bad day is just a bad day. some bad days don't end when the sun goes down. some bad days bleed into the next until they stop feeling like days at all and start feeling like weather. something you live inside. something you can't escape. something you forget isn't permanent. those days deserve your gentleness, not your performance.

bad days are the foundation. they are the part no one sees, the part buried underground. they hold the weight of everything above them. unspectacular. unseen. unavoidable. they dig into you. carve out space you didn't ask for. make you heavier than you were before. but without them, there's nothing stable to build on. i don't resent them. not anymore. because in hindsight, those days gave me everything i actually know about myself. not the shiny version. not the bio you'd write for a networking event. the real version. the one who had to sit in the dark and ask the hard questions. the one who had no choice but to figure out what still mattered when everything else got taken away.

i wouldn't choose them again. i'm not that evolved. but i can't pretend i'd be who i am without them. they built the depth the good days get to stand on. and honestly, they did make me a little funnier. because the truth is, whether the bad days are minor inconveniences or the kind that leave a mark, the only way through them is through them. you can't self-care your way out of grief, you can't gratitude journal your way out of depression. sometimes all you can do is sit inside the storm and remind yourself that you've been rained on before and you're still here.

the unremarkable days. most days are unremarkable, which feels like an oversight considering how much effort it takes to get through them. you wake up vaguely tired, vaguely fine. you make coffee. answer an email. open the fridge. close the fridge. open again as if something new might have materialized in the last few seconds. you send another email. convince yourself you should be drinking more water. and for some reason decide to check your credit score. nothing is particularly wrong, but you're also not thriving. you're just here. and for some reason, that feels like a problem.

i used to think an average day was a missed opportunity. that if i wasn't making memories, making progress, or making something of myself, i was falling behind. that an unremarkable day wasn't just a neutral experience. it was a failure to maximize time. a waste of chance to be better. but the thing no one tells you, most of life is filler. not in a bad way, just in a factual way. you don't get a plot twist every tuesday. there's no personal growth arc on a random thursday afternoon. most days are made up of emails and errands. commutes and conversations. grocery lists and laundry cycles. eating a meal you barely remember making while scrolling through content you barely remember consuming.

the unremarkable days are the majority of life. they always have been. and if you try to fight them, if you insist on forcing every day into something meaningful, you'll just exhaust yourself into oblivion. here's where i've landed. romanticizing life is wonderful in doses. but if you're constantly curating your own existence, you aren't living inside your life, you're performing it. and performance is exhausting. eventually, i burned out on my own performance. and that's when I started to understand that unremarkable days serve a purpose. they give your brain a break. they are the scaffolding. the part that holds the rest of your life together. quietly doing the work of keeping you upright. they let you rot in peace. and rotting, i've decided, is just rest without the branding.

i don't mean the respectable kind of rest. the kind with herbal tea and soft linen and light filtering perfectly through your window. i mean, the kind of rest that looks suspiciously like quitting. wearing the same sweatshirt three days straight because who's going to stop you? eating pretzels in bed while watching a show you actively hate. lying on the floor. not meditating. not reflecting. just there like a human paper weight. this is not failure. this is maintenance.

rest isn't a luxury. it's not something you unlock after you've performed enough suffering. it's a thing that lets you stay human. and the unremarkable days, the ones that don't need a theme or a climax, are where you get to practice being okay with that. not every day needs to be productive. not every hour needs to justify itself. some days you just exist quietly in the background of your own life. and that's not a mistake. that's just being a person. and honestly, some of my happiest memories come from days I thought I'd wasted. turns out they were never wasted at all. they were just doing their job, holding up the roof of my life so the rest of it could happen underneath.

the sliver days. if unremarkable days are the scaffolding, slivers are the hairline cracks where the light gets in. small, almost accidental moments that remind you life is still happening, even if you're not paying attention. a stranger says good morning like they actually mean it. and for a second, you believe them. you catch the train just as the doors close, without running, without stress. as if the universe finally decided to throw you a bone. it's the text you weren't expecting. not life-changing, not dramatic, just a thinking of you from someone who usually forgets to think of you at all. they are tiny things, too small to build a story around.

and for a long time, i treated them like background noise. barely worth noticing because they didn't count. they didn't fix anything. they didn't prove anything. they were just there. and that was the problem. i wanted every day to mean something. i wanted my life to declare itself in clear terms. i wanted closure and plot points and evidence that i was doing something right. slivers aren't evidence. they're interruptions, small ones. and I didn't trust them. but then came the seasons where every day felt like wet cement, where even getting out of bed felt vaguely heroic. and in those seasons, the slivers stopped being background noise. they became the only evidence that i was still in here, that life was still happening, even if i couldn't fully participate.

slivers aren't always tender little moments of beauty. sometimes they're fleeting. a good song at the exact right moment. a text from someone you thought forgot you existed. and sometimes they're aggressively stupid. a toddler swearing in public. a seagull stealing someone's lunch. i used to think slivers weren't enough. that if they couldn't hold up an entire day, they didn't matter. but slivers aren't here to hold up the day. they're here to hold up you. they're the smallest proof that even inside the nothingness, something gets through. and maybe that's the only point.

the good days. not every day has to be a good day, but every once in a while, you get one. and it's the window, the view, the moment you finally see out of the life you've been building from the inside. not because the bad days redeemed themselves or the unremarkable days suddenly mattered more. but because together, the foundation, the scaffolding, the cracks, and the light, they made space for this. the good days don't arrive because you suffered gracefully or you kept your inbox at zero. they arrive because you stayed long enough to see what all those other days were holding up. without the bad days, there's no foundation. without the unremarkable days, no walls. and without the slivers, no light.

the good days only matter because of the structure they sit inside. a life you didn't design to be perfect, but one you decided to stay in anyway. and maybe that's the point. not to build something remarkable, not to make every day count. but to build something strong enough to hold you no matter what kind of day it is. it turns out, despite what i confidently declared earlier, the nothing days, the awful days, the days you'd rather forget, they were never just filler. they were the bones, the part holding you together when you were too tired or too dramatic to hold yourself. and so, no, not every day has to be good. but when the good days do come, they sit inside a life you've already built. messy, uneven, but somehow still standing.

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we've turned therapy speak into this weird social currency. i'm triggered. that's my trauma response. i'm protecting my energy. these phrases get thrown around like magic spells that make bad behavior disappear. someone will completely flake on plans, ignore your texts for weeks, or blow up over something minor, and then drop some psychology terminology like that settles everything. it's like we've discovered that having reasons for our dysfunction makes it socially acceptable to never actually work on it.

understanding became the destination instead of just the first step of a much longer journey. the thing is, we're living in this golden age of mental health awareness, which should be amazing. people are finally talking about anxiety, depression, trauma, attachment issues stuff that was completely taboo a generation ago. but somewhere in all this progress, we started treating diagnosis like absolution.

the awareness part is crucial, don't get me wrong. knowing why your brain does what it does, understanding your patterns, recognizing your triggers. that information is powerful, but it's supposed to be a tool for change, not a permanent excuse for staying exactly the same. being mentally unwell has somehow become trendy. people collect diagnosis like personality traits. mental health struggles have become identity markers instead of problems to solve.

and look, I get why this has happened. for so long, mental health was stigmatized. people suffered in silence, ashamed of their struggles, pretending everything was fine when it wasn't. so swinging toward openness and acceptance makes sense. but we've swung so far that we've landed in this weird place where improvement almost feels like betrayal of your authentic self. yes, whatever happened to you was real and unfair and not something you chose. and also, yes, what you do about it now is entirely on you.

people resist this because responsibility feels heavy when you're already carrying the weight of whatever damaged you in the first place. it feels like adding insult to injury. you got hurt and now you have to fix it, too. where's the justice in that? but staying stuck in your trauma isn't justice, either. letting your past control your future isn't making things fair. it's just extending the damage indefinitely.

when you refuse to take responsibility for your healing, you're essentially giving whoever hurt you permanent control over your life. they get to live rent-free in your head forever while you organize your entire existence around avoiding triggers. and explaining to people why you can't function normally.

real responsibility looks different than what people think. most people imagine it means never struggling or having everything figured out. they think it means powering through trauma without support or pretending damage doesn't affect you. responsibility is recognizing that while you didn't choose what happened to you, you're the only one who can choose what happens next.

this doesn't mean you heal alone. getting help is actually the most responsible thing you can do. but it means you're the one who seeks that help, does the work, shows up even when it's uncomfortable. when you accept that your healing is your job, you stop being at the mercy of everyone else's behavior. you stop waiting for perfect conditions to start feeling better. you realize that you have way more control over your life than your trauma wants you to believe. that's terrifying and liberating at the same time. terrifying because it means the work is yours to do. liberating because it means the power is yours to claim.

your trauma is real. your struggles matter. what happened to you wasn't okay. and also, you don't have to stay trapped by it forever. you get to write the next chapter of your story. and that chapter doesn't have to be defined by what came before.

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1. make things comfortable

we place a lot of value in working hard and making sure the job gets done in spite of how we feel. we are taught from a very young age to suppress how we are naturally feeling in order to do what's expected of us. i think we need to unlearn that making things easier for ourselves is selfish. infact, there are very practical things you can do to actually feel okay at the end of the day instead of just surviving it.

plan ahead. you can't always avoid doing things that are going to be draining for you and you really don't have to. try to work around your triggers. learn to avoid crowds when you can and go when there are fewer people around. if you know you're going to do something that will deplete your energy, schedule some alone time for later that day so you can recover. you are perfectly allowed to practice self-preservation.

2. accept yourself

sensitivity has some negative connotations in today's world. not everyone understands it and people might just not get that this is something that you really cannot change even if you wanted to. so people might give you some well-meaning advice to toughen up or change when in reality this really is not possible. it's also easy to be hard on yourself and to be like, 'oh i wish i wasn't this sensitive.' 'why can't i just do what other people do?'

sensitive people feel and process things more deeply and more intensely and that's just what it is. so try not to waste your energy by trying to change who you are or beating yourself up about it. when you can accept yourself for the sensitive person that you are, you can start learning to make the most of it.

3. know thyself

identify your triggers. when you know what they are, try to set boundaries around them so you can protect and nurture your mental and emotional space. sensitive people often have strong reactions towards violence, sadness and cruelty. you may want to think about how watching the news is affecting you or how watching scary violent movies make you feel.

i find loud sounds especially exhausting. so I try to take that into consideration. if i'm going somewhere i will take the road that has less traffic. if I'm meeting someone at a restaurant i will suggest going for breakfast or lunch instead of dinner when the restaurant will be much quieter. ofcourse you cannot always do things your way or make things go your way, but you can try to be intentional whenever you can and set some boundaries for yourself around the things that upset you.

4. prioritise alone time

sensitive people are often more attuned to the feelings of others. so if you recognize this, see how you can make sure that you get enough alone time. alone time is important for everyone, but especially so for sensitive people. it is so important for cooling down your nervous system and regulating your emotions. if you often feel overstimulated you might benefit from more alone time.

5. self care

not the bubble bath or spa day kind (though that's nice too). self-care on a deeper level. learn to do the things that help you feel your best. do you need more sleep? do you need to drink a lot of water? do you need to be in nature frequently? which activities help you go from feeling overstimulated and drained to feeling at ease or comfortable? you're not being selfish and you're not being a baby if you take the time to practice self-care. infact, it takes a strong person to tend to what they need on a regular basis to feel their best.

6. sleep

studies have shown that sensitive people need more sleep than others to function properly. we do not do well when we're sleep-deprived and we might feel the effects of a bad night's sleep more than others. i always try to be in bed and wake up roughly around the same time every day because that regularity helps my body to feel healthy and happy on a daily basis. i take the time to read my book or do something else before i go to bed that doesn't involve a screen.

relaxing is not always the same thing as recharging. relaxing like lounging on the couch watching netflix can be great and you should definitely do that if you enjoy it, but you probably won't feel recharged afterwards. so, try deep resting and unplugging and really doing something that recharges your batteries.

7. breathe

learn to use your breath to feel better mentally, physically and emotionally. you always have your breath with you. you always have that tool available. it doesn't cost you anything to start breathing a bit more deeply, a bit more fully and it really does help. i have learned to tap into my breath whenever i feel overwhelmed or overstimulated and try to breathe a bit more deeply. a bit more fully. more towards the belly instead of keeping my breathing shallow. it is a great grounding technique that works wonders. focusing on your breath can help you to get out of your head, out of your thinking mind which is always very active in sensitive people. and into the present moment, connecting with your body, just pausing, slowing down and cooling down your nervous system.

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1. a tiny morning joy

you wake up and your mind is immediately stressed about your to do list. daily chores. responsibilities. perhaps you wait for the evening or even worse, the weekend, to do something nice to yourself. no wonder your life feels miserable.

starting your day on a positive note can significantly increase the chances of having a better day overall. this doesn't have to be anything elaborate. it used to my morning coffee a few months ago. nowadays, in my attempt to limit caffeine, i've switched to a warm glass of water. i spend a few quiet moments with myself sipping water, allowing myself a moment of calm before the day begins.

it can be something different for you. reading a few pages of a book. a little yoga session. a 5 minute guided meditation. just something to give you a tiny bit of anticipation to get up.

2. a gratitude ritual

i think sometimes we don't actually need more nice things in our life. we just need to become better at noticing.

the amount of good things in your life depends on your ability to notice them.

two years ago, i started the practice of making daily gratitude lists in my notes app. basically, every single day, for the past couple of years, i've been ending my days by adding one (or more) good thing(s) that happened that day. it has helped me become more observant and actually notice the things we often take for granted.

maybe lists aren't for you, and that's okay. start by appreciating things when they're happening and enjoying those moments to the fullest. the goal is to turn an ordinary moment into a grateful one. learn to savour instead of rushing.

3. a self soothing touch

a study found that placing your hand on your chest or your belly can reduce the cortisol response of a stressful experience. guided meditations for stress or anxiety often start with allowing the listener to lie down or sit in a comfortable position and include a self compassionate touch.

i find myself giving a self hug or gently stroking my arm when i feel overwhelmed. it only takes a few seconds but has a significant impact. try it. it actually works.

4. a little touch of magic

we often work on autopilot when it comes to daily routines. sometimes making a tiny change or romanticising it can make your day better. putting on music while cooking dinner. using that fancy smelling body wash in the shower. enjoying every bite of your meal without any distractions.

it's like training your brain into noticing how ordinary days can have small moments of joy.

5. a moment of connection

i think we underestimate the power of doing one small act of kindness for someone else's day and therefore our day. there is a research linking that little positive social interactions and random acts of kindness with a greater well being. so you're not just making someone else's day better but also your own.

send that text checking up on someone. let them know you were thinking of them. send that text wishing someone goodluck on something that they've got going on that day. cheer them on and celebrate their wins.

i wrote about the importance of kindness a few days ago. here's the post if you wish to read it. thanks :)

6. a peaceful green break

a study has highlighted the impact of the colour green on calming our nervous system. just looking out the window at the lush green trees can help you recharge your battery.

it can help to increase positive feelings and maybe let go of some other things that we're preoccupied with that aren't as important.

7. a tiny tidy ritual

you don't always have to clean the entire house or declutter all the things you don't need. sometimes even cleaning a corner of your room or a part of your closet can help.

fixing only one visible thing hardly takes a few minutes but gives you a huge sense of accomplishment. it helps to feel just a bit more in control. clean space. clean mind. calmer, happier you.

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i paused. that reel was so generic it could be me. it could be you. it could be anyone reading this. i realised that she didn't relate because it described her. she related it to it because she was searching for herself. and anything that gave her a definition felt like the truth.

The world will ask who you are, and if you do not know the answer, the world will tell you

you can't build a great building on a weak foundation. you must have a solid foundation if you're going to have a strong superstructure. and the foundation is self-identity. the superstructure is everything else : your confidence, your career, your relationships, your looks, your personality.

you spend all your time fixing the superstructure. new haircut, new clothes, new makeup, new nails. but never go deep enough to check the foundation. that's why one comment is enough to shake you. one failure, one rejection, and the whole building trembles. not because you're weak, but because the foundation was never made solid.

you need constant validation to feel okay. one criticism ruins your entire day. you change your opinion depending on who you are sitting with. you feel empty when you are alone. and any random page that says "you are strong outside but broken inside, you trust too easily" feels like it was written exactly for you.

how the foundation becomes weak

you were not born like this, you were trained. in most homes, love feels conditional. if you score well, your parents are proud. if you get that scholarship, you get every award. if you obey, you are good. if you look presentable, you get approval. so your brain learns to associate other people's approval directly with safety.

you become hyper-sensitive. you can catch a mood shift in two seconds. you can tell from a single text that something is wrong. sensitivity is a gift, but without a filter it becomes self-erasure. you start absorbing other people's anxiety, opinions and fears as if they are facts about you.

you don't find yourself, you build yourself

i think we've all heard find yourself. but honestly i don't think that's true. you can't find yourself like you find your keys. it's not lying somewhere waiting for you. you have to build yourself brick by brick. slowly.

so i feel like instead of asking who am i?. we can just ask what did i do today that proves who i want to be? building your identity is collecting small, consistent evidences that prove it. when the foundation is built from your own lived proofs, other people's opinions can't shake it so easily.

i wrote more about this in my self trust article so feel free to check that out as well <3.

observe, don't absorb

the most important thing is to know what is truly about you and what is just other people's reflection of you. to know what is useful and true and coming from someone who actually knows you and wants your growth, versus what is just their opinion, their fear, their reflection.

they are valid to have their own opinion, but you don't need to absorb every single one of them. a weak foundation absorbs every single opinion and starts shaking. a strong foundation learns to observe instead of absorb.

foundation work is boring work. no one claps for it. it's not instagrammable. but once your foundation is solid, you can build any superstructure you want. it will sway in storms, but it won't collapse.

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they said “i think pretty much everything can be shared with the right person at the right time. just that the pace should be slow. one step at a time.”

that stuck with me. it made me realise that privacy isn't secrecy. it is knowing when to open up and when to hold back. it is respecting the levels to intimacy. there are layers of trust to be earned before certain information is shared. in a culture that packages oversharing as authenticity, practicing restraint is powerful.

i used to be the kind of person who believed that oversharing would make it easier to build connections. that people will feel closer to me if they knew about my childhood, past experiences and future plans. but giving away too much too soon never worked in my favor. instead, it created space for judgments and unsolicited advice.

it took me a long time to realise that not all of your friends are true friends. not everyone has the best interests in their hearts. the more someone knows about you, the more they can take any of your perceived weakness and use that against you. it's better to be alone than to be surrounded by wrong people. the less people you deal with, the less drama you encounter. the more time you get to build your dream life.

your friends probably don't need to know about the fight you had with your partner. your roommates don't need to know about your family drama. you need to stop treating strangers and acquaintances as unpaid therapists.

i like to ask myself a couple of questions as self audit whenever i feel like i might be giving away too much.

☆ is it benefitting the listener or is it simply giving them information to gossip?

☆ is it benefitting me or am I doing this just to seek validation?

start being intentional with what you’re sharing and with whom. mystery is valuable currency in age of oversharing. not everyone needs to know the details of your life. let them wander about you.

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not every critical opinion is a judgement. intent matters. tone matters. there's a difference between seeing a quiet person at a social event and immediately labeling them off as arrogant. vs being considerate and thinking maybe they had a long day. maybe they are tired. you are allowed to have opinions about others as long as they are coming from a place of empathy.

but not everyone operates like that. not everyone is mindful. because passing judgements is easier than being curious. there's a certain peace in letting such judgments be. in letting them pass remarks just because they want to. in letting them draw conclusions without ever being interested in listening to your perspective. if they never asked for your side of the story, then the side that they heard is exactly how they feel about you.

never explain yourself to people who are dedicated to misunderstanding you

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being misunderstood is a blessing in disguise. it allows you to maintain a sense of mystery and privacy. to keep certain parts of yourself sacred. to stay authentic without bending to others' expectations. it also acts as a filter. the people who are willing to work through the misunderstandings are the real ones. they are here for you and not for the version of you which served them. the ones who treat a minor disagreement as a fallout were maybe not meant to stay long anyways.

so let them misunderstand you. maybe you're speaking a language some people aren't ready to learn yet. and that's okay. their opinion of you doesn’t define your worth. only you get to do that. no one has had the exact same childhood, upbringing or life experiences as you. so how could they ever fully understand you in one conversation, one glance, one moment?

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i walked past it everyday. i kept telling myself i'll do it later. i kept waiting for the perfect moment. the perfect day. perfect energy. so i did nothing. everyday the mess stayed, i felt a little worse. i was waiting for perfect. and it never showed up.

we like to think perfectionism is a good trait. it looks like preparation. sounds like being responsible. feels like having high standards. but that's far from the reality. perfectionism is fear in disguise. fear of being a beginner. fear of being judged. fear of not meeting expectations.

we watch hundreds of recipie videos without actually stepping into the kitchen. we make dozens of workout plans but never start exercising. we rewrite our resume multiple times but never actually apply for the job. we call it research. but while we’re busy planning, nothing actually moves the needle.

weeks turn into months. ideas turn into regrets. you're stuck in a loop of "if i can't do it perfectly maybe i shouldn't do it at all." but here's the catch : waiting for perfect is actually keeping you stuck. when you don't start, you don't fail. when you don't fail, you don't learn. perfectionism promises control. success comes from chaos.

done gives you something perfect never will. progress. momentum. you can't edit a blank page. you can't improve what doesn't exist. you can't build confidence without starting.

how to choose done over perfect

☆ the 70% rule

don't wait to make it 100%. if the article sounds 70% good, publish it. if the idea passes the 70% benchmark, ship it. this helps to get you started and build momentum while also not comprising (much) on the quality.

☆ separate planning from doing

as discussed earlier, perfectionism hides in planning. don't get me wrong, i love to do lists and weekly preps. but you don't necessarily need to colour code your entire week. just three main goals per day are enough. they keep you focused without exhausting all of your energy in the planning.

☆ talk to yourself like a friend

we are often our worst critics. you'd never tell your friend “don't proceed until it's perfect”. you'd probably encourage them to start with the messy version and improve it later. give yourself the same grace. you deserve it.

ideas don't die because they're bad. they die because you kept waiting them to be perfect. so, start before you're ready. you'll figure it out. you're future self will be proud of your courage!

this essay is free to read. if it stayed with you, a coffee is a kind way to say thankyou :)

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you open instagram before you've opened your eyes in the morning. what was supposed to be a quick 5 min check in turns into a 40 minute scroll. you've ruined your day even before it has begun.

it is 11 am and you're working on your laptop. you have a deadline in an hour. you are deep in work or atleast trying to be. then, the sudden urge to check social media kicks in and before you know it, half an hour is gone.

the same story repeats at night. you are laying in bed trying to fall asleep. but your brain won't shut off. or maybe it's the scrolling that won't. you feel more anxious and tired with each passing scroll. yet somehow you still can't fall asleep.

you might think brainrot is just about distraction. it's not. it's about control. the control of how you think, what you value and how you act. if we don't wake up in time to what is happening, we risk losing the most important thing we have. the ability to think for ourselves. because brainrot doesn't just kill your attention span or lower your work productivity. it also ends up deciding what you buy, what you value and who you are.

your choices aren't yours, they're borrowed

philosopher René Girard proposed in his mimetic theory : you don't want what you want because of who you are. you want what you want because of people you want to be, have them.

humans have been emulating each other's desires since ancient period. but now, the villages have been replaced by algorithms. the human brain which one compared to approximately 100-200 people in the surrounding is now comparing to millions of people online. with social media at the tips of our fingers, the mediators : the people who influence our choices and decisions, aren't just close friends and relatives anymore.

it is the girl in los angeles who does pilates and dines at fancy restaurants. or the guy in new york who runs a 6 figure business at 27. suddenly you feel like a failure. your 9 to 5 feels suffocating. your progress feels like nothing. the constant comparison doesn't change your life. it changes how you see it.

comparison is the thief of joy

now you start pilates because she does it. you brain storm startup ideas because he did it. you spend your life chasing the dreams which are implanted by people who have nothing to do with your life. you run towards a finish line you never actually wanted. you spend your time, money, and energy building a life that looks good on someone else’s feed. not the one which you want.

from reactive to intentional

you can't completely live an anti-mimetic life. your desires, to some extent, will be mediated by others. what you can do is actively choose better models to emulate. but not just human beings. a set of values. what do you care about? maybe it's honesty. or love. or gratitude. or maybe it's something else entirely.

once you decide your core value(s), every goal you set, every thought you entertain, every decision you make, needs to be aligned to the core value(s). you can and ideally should decide the role models or the mediators who will help you on this journey. not whoever the algorithm throws at you. but the people who actually live the values you chose. because the moment you start choosing on purpose, you stop chasing other people's dreams and start living your own.

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