Star Trek Las Vegas (STLV)

Its become a thing where me and my mom love going to Star Trek conventions together. The big one is in Vegas, and this was our second year going together. It’s always a wonderful time together. The con in Vegas is in the Rio – a sort of retro-feeling place, but with some renovations and some more restaurant options, it’s now very comfortable to just never leave the hotel for the whole con. Which is SO relaxing, I highly recommend it.

Anyways I mention it because it was so wonderful, I put myself out there are gave packs of my QUEER FUTURES card set to some celebrities!

Some were more enthused and engaged than others. Of note, Michelle Hurd LOVED my cosplay. You will have to heard to Instagram to see all that, though. (@eli.sachse). I was hoping that maybe one of them would shout it out on their social media, but no luck on that, yet. But just putting myself out there and promoting my stuff in general is a muscle I had not yet developed super well. So, this was just the start of me practicing my promotional flexing. After a few months at it, I think I am getting the hang of it, and describing my projects to new people doesn’t feel too hopelessly awkward, anymore. It definitely took a couple of months of practice. If you are new to self-promotion, keep at it.

Congressman Adam Gray local office visit

A while ago, A4TE reached out to LGBTQ Merced again, to alert us to a wave of anti-trans legislation that lawmakers are poised to introduce shortly. Our assignment was to request a visit with our local congressperson Adam Gray’s office. We got a meeting scheduled with District Director Lisa Mantarro Moore, where Aryz and I got to explain what federal anti-trans legislation and rhetoric have already done locally, including pressuring our local health center to stop providing gender affirming care to youth and teens. That means teens from the Merced area already have to travel more than 100 miles to San Francisco to get gender-affirming care. And this happened with just a threat from the president a year and a half ago. Now, conservative lawmakers are trying to enshrine the discrimination into federal law.

I think her job is to not make any promises or give anything away, and so that’s what she did. She stated that she was kind and sympathetic to our cause. But what we know is that Adam Gray has very literally flip flopped back and forth on his support for protecting trans people. That said … we HAVE to vote for him, unfortunately. Because his opponent this time around is a literal trump appointee. Sigh. That is how it is out here in the central valley, sometimes.

San Francisco Zine Fest (SFZF)

I was so happy to be invited to table at SFZF this year, after I was selected last year but had to bow out in order to go to Burning Man to document the tributes to my late brother. This year was a blast, and I had some really good sales of prints, stickers, and two new zines. I debuted my Less Well Known Queer Icons and Arctic Ice zines this year, and they both had a lot of interest.

I’m hoping to continue the interest in the Queer Icons zine, because the drawings were done in full color, and I would love to get the funds together to print the book in color someday.

Trans Magic

I have my mom to thank for making the connection with this exhibit at the Petaluma Historical Museum, which ended up featuring my book Next-Level Ally, and invited me to give a short talk on the closing weekend.

If you’ve watched it, you know this one was a stretch for me. My voice quavers and I am filled with emotion. I have made a side career for myself over the last ten years talking to medical and mental health professionals on how to treat trans and queer patients better. But as I noticed in my last post, my own personal experience has been pretty absent from this practice. It’s a lot easier to depersonalize the conversation, and make everything general, universal.

So what I haven’t yet practiced sharing my own, tender stories like this.

Someone asked me, just to clarify, if I liked public speaking and would like to do more? I had to laugh, because yes, usually I love talking in front of anyone, and have thought of myself as quite comfortable with it. But this is new to me. Talking about my high school experience? In front of my parents? This was totally new for me, and pushed me in the best ways.

I do want to record this speech again at home, and continue to refine it. Because this is new for me. This is the direction I want to push myself. And I want to give this talk again.

BeLongings

Next up was another opportunity at the Petaluma Museum, but this time I was thrilled to be sharing my mom’s story for her, as she definitely does NOT like public speaking. But she was up there with me as I shared the story we wrote together for the BeLongings exhibit.

The artifact of ours displayed at the exhibit had such a cool story. It was chosen for this exhibit examining things we take or leave behind when we immigrate. Well, my mom has this book that her dad came to America from China with. It is in English and Chinese, and basically teaches you how to become a domestic servant or a cook, teaching you phrases like “may I shine your shoes, sir?” And my mom clearly remembers her parents talking about the book as a main thing that enabled them to come here and survive.

My mom and I share reverence for what feels like a disappearing practice in our YouTube world: that you can learn real and practical things from books. You can learn skills from books.

QT Hysto Zine

A submission of mine was accepted into this group zine about queer and trans experiences obtaining hysterectomy. And I was invited to share my piece live at this incredible event in Oakland. It was such a hugely inspiring and wonderful group of speakers, about 8 of us, I think. There were some truly great stories shared there with such care, energy, and … freedom. Abandon. Talking about queer experiences to queer people. This felt like just another the right step towards the kind of sharing I want to be doing. It really gave me this feeling that everything is just falling into place.

Pinnacles and Gaviota natural hot springs

It wouldn’t be a summer with me without another camping trip. First, we headed towards Pinnacles National Park and a cool cave hike I had done before. Then on to Gaviota State Beach and a nearby natural hot spring. This was the first time I hiked to a natural hot spring with that milky blue color. Totally captivating.

Gender Health Center, Sacramento instructional video filming

I came across another opportunity, this time to do some actual acting (not just the background acting I’d done before) in an instructional video produced by the Gender Health Center in Sacramento. I won the role of a nurse – not a stretch. But, I realized it was actually going to be a stretch when the dialogue came through a few weeks later. I was supposed to play a not-very-good nurse, who stumbles through care for a trans/queer patient, making common mistakes. Eek! This turned out to be kind of hard for me, as, you can imagine, I’ve done a lot of thinking about how trans and queer patients need to be treated, especially in the primary care setting we were acting in!

Again, I notch this up as a great opportunity to grow into something new, and stretch out into spaces I find uncomfortable. It was great fun! The rest of the cast hilariously threw themselves into their roles as gossipy and rude patients waiting in the lobby.

Guerilla Girls at Fresno State

In the inspiration pile throw in a visit from the Guerilla Girls to nearby Fresno State. I was so happy to catch their talk, after hearing about them on PBS probably a year or two ago. They didn’t disappoint, bringing humor and wit to their conversation about sexism in art and art history.

Double Nine Festival

My time away from working full-time has been so much of a blessing it is difficult to put into words. But being able to take a full day to join my parents at the cemetery for the Chinese fall “grave sweeping day” reminded me. I have been able to take all the time I need this year to be with my feelings about my brother, who passed away just about 2 years ago. The first year was tumultuous for me, work-wise. I didn’t get extended time for feelings. I got transferred against my will into working in foster care. Can you imagine? I gave that a good 4 months, and then left for a 3 month travel contract. This year, I have been able to meditate, and spend time with my family and those I love.

Corn harvest

And I just had to share a picture of the incredible emerald green heirloom corn that my time this year has allowed me to nurture.

Queering Education Conference

Today, I ran a session at the Queering Education Conference, a sweet event I was really pleased participate in. I created a talk and a short exercise on becoming a Next-Level Ally, bringing as much levity and simplicity to what is really a difficult topic. Because, the more I talk about it, the more I realize: there is no comfortable and easy way to make change. Over and over across the last 10 years, I find again and again that no change happens unless feathers are ruffled and people are bothered. And when people are bothered, personal, professional and political consequences can happen.

Looking ahead, I have a few indie bookstores I am talking to about hosting an actual signing event. An experienced author sets these things up before the book even comes out. I am learning as I go. Thanks for riding along.

What a fantastic June and a stellar July. I’m in NYC visiting friends right now, so of course am feeling on top of the world, in the best city in the world. But overall, it really has been a charmed couple of months.

Next-Level Ally released

In late May, my first book Next-Level Ally was released! What an incredible thing to have happened. Next-Level Ally started out life as a zine. Microcosm Publishing has published my zines since 2017, including my zine Sex Without Roles: Transcending Gender. So when they asked me if I wanted to make it into a full-length book last year, I leapt at the opportunity. It was such a delight to work with them at every step — everyone was super supportive and helpful.

Next-Level Ally is a guide to supporting your queer and transgender community, performing meaningful allyship, volunteering and advocacy, and analyzing systems of power to find opportunities for change. It is written for all audiences — straight and queer. Basically, anyone wanting to think deeply about how best to use their energy and power for positive change.

I am available for travel to speak on the book at your event, bookstore or library, DM me here or use my website to contact me. Please share this tipsheet with your local library or bookstore who might be interested in carrying the book or booking a talk.

Merced Zine Fest

Our second annual Merced Zine Fest was a huge hit! (Pictures here.) At the last minute, the official contracts got finalized, and so our Fest was in official partnership with the Merced County Library, Red Sky Comics, and 100% Comics — an independent publisher based in Patterson, CA. 15 tablers came from all over our region, from San Francisco to Visalia, and sold zines, prints, original art, and personalized poetry written and typed up on the spot on vintage typewriters. The clickety-clack sounds of the keys added so much lovely atmosphere to the Library space. The Democratic Socialists of America were represented with a table busting with zines and stickers, and folks traveling from an anarchist book fair dropped by boxes of leftover zines, which were hugely popular and all gone by the end of the fest. We are absolutely excited to continue to grow the Fest and invite more folks from all over to our wonderful area next year.

ICON Baltimore

Last week I attended my first ICON Illustration Conference in Baltimore. It would be impossible to overstate the incredible amount of inspiring talks and ideas I was able to witness. My brain was absolutely overflowing with inspiration afterwards, so much so that my brain was kind of exhausted for days.

Mirko Ilić gave a whole presentation on how the most satisfying — and also the most award-winning and critically acclaimed — projects of his were passion projects done for worthy causes . . . and little to no money. I also loved talks on drawing imaginary friends, channeling the desires of your 10 year old self into your comics, and intentionally keeping the wonder of your 6 year old self alive like Louis Henry Mitchell. His new book on creativity called Qreative Evolution is definitely on my radar to purchase next.

Controlling my narrative

As I said in a Note recently, I had the revelation that just responding to and reporting news items, especially about attacks on trans people, was making me feel deeply out of control . . . because it is allowing others to control the narrative.

I realized that this isn’t for me. While there aren’t a lot of trans folks doing news coverage, there are definitely some. I recommend Trans News That Doesn’t Suck for those looking for news written by trans folks.

For me, it seems like I am finally delving into feelings about sharing my own, personal stories, and also whimsy and absurdity. So far, I seem to have been focused on commenting on news items, explaining things in a very general and universal way. I suppose this has to do with the first article I was approached to write: an article on the state of gender-affirming surgical procedures in 2017 in California for Sonoma Medicine. I think that experience put into my brain the notion that this is the kind of content the universe wants from me. Also, something to do with being a nurse and explaining things to people I think has passively has affected the things I’ve chosen to write about, so far. But all the signs are pointing me towards starting to share much more personally.

I think there has been a lot in the way of that. Sex and gender are tied up in the story of me, and so I’ve had what I think is a healthy nervousness about sharing on that level — for my family and co-workers to see. The fact that I am not working full-time may be a factor in me feeling permission to explore this now. The profession of nursing is a famously old-fashioned one, and “appropriateness,” “formality,” and consideration for being “morally upstanding” are written into it’s founding documents. So writing about sex and gender has honestly felt dangerous with regards to continued employment as a nurse. I think that is changing slowly. But it is honestly still scary.

I’ve been helping friends talk through various dilemmas lately that have a bit of a common theme: living and speaking authentically versus “keeping the peace,” avoiding confrontation, getting paid more, etc. I don’t mind healthy and constructive conflict, but I still see myself having the same debates within myself. How can I construct my work life in a way that is more authentic? That allows me full expression of myself? Maybe even some creativity?

I’ve been leaning into drawing lately, but at the same time there is a lot that reminds me that writing can be a creative outlet as well, even though I haven’t explored it in that way much. But I am looking forward to exploring all these avenues in the coming months.

For now, I am in my sketchbook a lot, trying to do something different.

But I feel it slipping. I don’t want to admit I’m becoming someone who has lost faith that voting matters. But it’s becoming harder and harder everyday to deny it.

Someone made a meme to share on socials that copy-pasted sections from the latest US Counterterrorism Strategy in order to highlight the violent language and threats FROM OUR GOVERNMENT towards transgender people.

When googling for it just now, I came across several “fact-checking websites” that claim to debunk the meme as fake news. They state that the sentences are pasted together out of order, and thus “taken out of context.”

I disagree with my whole heart. To counter this take, I have made my own copy-paste, which clearly illustrates where the breaks are.

To summarize, in the “Presidential Forward” that opens the document on page 3 (lower part of the image), Trump vows to “find” and “kill” those who threaten Americans.

Later, on page 7 (top part of the image), he reminds us that people who are “radically pro-transgender” are “violent” and vows to “cripple them operationally,” along with “state sponsors of such groups.”

I don’t think that positioning these quotes out of order is in any way changing the message. The message is clear. This government can’t make itself any clearer. Trans people are a problem, to them. Any other reading is just a head in the sand.

We will find you and we will kill you

The presidential signature, while it appears on page 3, is an endorsement of the entire document. Putting it below an excerpt is not disingenuous in any way. In fact, it is a brilliant clarification and illustration.

Meanwhile, today I looked up and down my ballot for the California primary, and I didn’t see a single voice that has spoken out in our defense, who has made any claim of lifting a finger to protect transgender people from hate-based, and in fact, state-sponsored violence.

Nor, do I see any more trans representation on mainstream media, no one uplifting our voices in this moment, no one taking a stand on our behalf.

What am I doing?

Nothing. Nothing at the moment. Our org, LGBTQ Merced, runs it’s social events unchanged. Our Merced Zine Fest is happening as scheduled 6/13/25 at the Merced County Library. I’ve been attending the events I was already scheduled for, like Merced AF and the Santa Rosa Zine Fest.

And my book came out. My book, which started as a zine, is the culmination of about a year’s worth of work expanding the zine, including interviewing several people, and a bunch more research. It is out now through the wonderful Microcosm Publishing.

But as for me, right now? I am going camping. I am prioritizing friends. Cooking for friends. Time with friends. Taking time off work. Being in my own feelings. Reading a lot. Finishing books that have been staring at me for a while. And yes, I’ve been painting.

I don’t want to do this writing, right now. It feels like them winning. Them in control of the narrative. Instead, I have to go outside. I’m sorry.

This video is an off-the-cuff check in on the events of the last 2 months:

• Amending my birth certificate

• The fact that if I renew my passport now, apparently it will come back marked female

• Our proposal for lease of a building owned by the City of Merced to create a Community Commons open to all

• Traveling to DC to learn about legislative visits with ACLU and A4TE

• Next-Level Ally is available to pre-order now!

• I’ll be selling zines and prints at Santa Rosa Zine fest in May and the Merced Zine Fest in June!

• Outdoors plans to cycle to the coast, and later climbing Mount Whitney!

Press Release/Tipsheet for Next-Level Ally

Pre-order Next-Level Ally NOW!

Codifying the lies for posterity

In an hour-long press conference recently, HHS called transgender treatments “needless and irreversible.” They state that gender-affirming treatment causes “lasting physical and psychological damage.” Both of these are simply lies, disproven by mounds of data and research. Confronting this, they accuse the American Medical Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics of peddling “lies,” and providers of transgender care of betraying their Hippocratic oath to do no harm.

The lies continue: Dr. Oz posits that puberty blockers “reduce bone density, alter brain development ... and damage sexual function, for the rest of your life, oftentimes,” all of which are just outright lies. Puberty blockers have been used for decades safely for girls experiencing precocious puberty. Precocious puberty can lead to rapid bone mineralization, which can lead to reduced height. Delaying puberty for these folks prevents this rapid mineralizaiton, to ensure girls grow to their maximum height. Characterizing this as “bone loss” is simply a misleading lie.

Similarly, he paints puberty blockers as pushing “victims” into a “decision they might have wandered into mistakenly in a whimsical moment.” Whereas the truth about puberty blockers is precisely that they give patients the time to think and consider.

Other misdirections include emphasizing “irreversible” gender-affirming genital surgeries. First off, some of these can indeed be reversed. But the important point is that genital surgeries simply do not occur in this country for anyone under 18. I have never seen evidence of this ever happening. Regardless, it is the administration’s main scare tactic: Dr. Oz details the cost of vaginoplasty and phalloplasty (both of which he mispronounces) during his screed regarding trans youth. Without, of course, providing any evidence that this is happening anywhere in this country on youth. He declares that no longer funding these procedures for youth will result in a savings of 250 million dollars for the federal government, but there is no evidence this could possibly be true. Research from Harvard shows that the majority of “gender affirming” surgeries for youth actually consists of breast reductions for cis males.

Extremely tellingly, HHS calls transgender culture and identity “ideology, misinformation and propaganda” that has targeted and harmed children. When in reality, the transgender movement has been anything but a cohesive narrative. Rather, we are all living our own incredibly unique stories, as anyone who is familiar with a transgender person knows. The very idea that we constitute a coherent campaign of propaganda is quite silly. Therefore, it would seem that the only aim of these kinds of statements is to strengthen the narrative that transgender people are sexual predators that children must be protected from.

The hypersexualization of transgender people

The hypersexualization and revilement of transgender people has been going on for as long as transgender people have been visible in America and Europe. What is new is this coordinated campaign of hate and fear by our federal government and the conservative movement, led by the Heritage Foundation and it’s Project 2025 and 2026 documents.

The HHS press conference warns of the “medical dangers and lasting harm” transgender medicine poses, which is not borne out by good science. They refer to transgender medicine as “chemical and surgical mutilation” and “predatory action” that teens must be protected from. Equating transgender ideology as “politics”, Dr. Oz argues for not defining it as medicine at all anymore. He calls trans medicine “progressive ideology that treats children like lab mice.” It’s an interesting and new take. Essentially, it denies trans medicine as even being medicine. I am failing to think of a corollary. It would be like HHS announcing that Hepatitis B is actually a made-up story that liberals created in order to manufacture a vaccine that harms children — instead of an actual health problem that leads to millions of preventable deaths worldwide every year. Maybe that is their next tactic? Or, is that what their constituents on a daily diet of political misinformation already believe?

Dr. Oz talks about a culture of pressure that young doctors are now under to prescribe these treatments. That strikes me as quite humorous, as I have definitely never met any prescriber of transgender care who has not passionately self-researched the topic, and taken it on themselves to prescribe when no one else around them is. That is definitely the case in my rural area of California. Our county has one, sole prescriber of trans medicine. She used to also treat teens. However, due to political pressure, her clinic forced her to stop prescribing to teens last year. Teens and kids in Merced County now have only one option for transgender care -- traveling to the University of California at San Francisco (UCSF), about 2.5 hours away. Which, incidentally, is the administration’s next target.

Threatening to defund university hospitals

The administration has clearly laid out their intention of withdrawing federal funding for any hospital system that provides gender-affirming care to youth going forward. For my area, this would effectively end the ability for local kids and teens to access healthcare. This is in line with other mafioso tactics (thank you David Brooks for the excellent analogy) that this administration engages in daily, mostly based on withholding or changing the criteria of eligibility for federal funds in exchange for compliance with the administration’s political ideology. Again, it is laughable that with one hand, they attack transgender people and culture as constituting a political ideology, while actively demanding compliance with their own, very literally defined, political ideologies, and using every lever in their reach to force action.

For example, last year HR1 (Big, Beautiful Bill) cut 911 billion in Federal funding over the next 10 years to Medicare and Medicaid, through a variety of tactics. One of these tactic was changing the definition of a “critical access hospital” -- a rural hospital a certain number of miles away from the next hospital, usually in a bigger city. They upped the distance requirement, essentially immediately removing funding from hospitals now just outside the acceptable radius. One example being the Glenn Medical Center in the Sacramento Valley. The rural hospital closed in September 2025, after 75 years of service, due to these changes.

Misdirecting the narrative on rural health

In an act of masterful redirection and concerted political propaganda, they concurrently passed the 50 billion dollar Rural Health Fund, marketed as a political talking point on how the administration is actually doing work to protect rural health. I and any gradeschooler can point out that 50 does not make up for 911. Meanwhile, rural hospitals and clinics continue to scramble to meet the shortfall. But even more shockingly, new law states that Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS), the granting authority, can and will distribute the funds in a partisan way: allowing the CMS Administrator to consider “any other factors that [it] determines appropriate.” in distributing funds.

Certainly, along with codifying transgender care as harmful, and threatening to defund hospital systems providing this care, the Rural Health Fund is part of a carefully crafted legal framework by which to dismantle transgender care, abortion care, and more across the country more broadly. I really don’t see how it can be looked at in any other way at this point. By making Medicare and Medicaid funding dependent upon capitulation to any kinds of policy and ideology that the federal government deems important, now or in the future, is a purely mafia-inspired power play. Politicizing America’s healthcare dollars in this way is one of the most astonishingly evil developments I have witnessed from my government. Closing rural hospitals in the name of political ideology based on social and cultural phenomenon (like the rise in queer and black visibility and power) -- how can we call this anything but evil? And how can our congress stand by and do nothing? I call every single legislative professional complicit at this point, and sharing equally in the blame for these evil policies that have already caused real harm to millions of Americans, in the closing of critical access hospitals and clinics.

Even more disheartening is the difficulty I had in researching this article. The political propaganda machine is strong, with my initial searches for “rural hospital redefinition” news coming up mostly with pieces praising the government for protecting rural health. The machine they have created and perfected to obscure the real truth of their actions is simply astonishing.

Meanwhile, no trans voices are heard

I’m a bit of a news junkie at this point. I have been commuting over 2 hours for the past 3 months, and have listened to NPR in the car and watched PBS NewsHour at home most days. I used to find their coverage based in truth and fact. Unfortunately, it was clear throughout 2025 that they, too, capitulated to pressure to become “more balanced,” which in practice gives airtime to conservative lies about transgender culture. Throughout 2025, I think I may have seen one transgender commentator on TV on PBS NewsHour. I couldn’t tell you their name or the context, unfortunately. But with this barrage of weekly attacks, why aren’t there transgender voices represented in news coverage? I don’t feel like this is a forgivable omission, while conservative voices attacking transgender people broadly have been given increasing airtime.

In 2023, hundreds of New York Times contributors and advocates signed an open letter accusing the paper of burying trans voices and covering news about trans healthcare in a negative and questioning light. Just this past week, a former Times editor revealed that this anti-trans bias comes from the top levels of management.

What are the top people at NPR and PBS saying on the issue behind closed doors? I would love to get on air to discuss this and all the attacks on transgender people that have continued steadily for the past year, but have not been discussed with any compassion by the mainstream media, as far as I can tell. Instead, our humanity, validity, mental health, moral standing and right to access care are debated week after week by charlatan doctors, politicians and pundits. We have had enough, and demand trans representation and humanizing stories, immediately.

Mainstream media outlets like the Times, NPR and PBS, by allowing government press conferences demonizing transgender people and their healthcare providers stand unchecked and unquestioned, are therefore complicit in legitimizing these attacks. By failing to call out the outright lies by HHS, you are letting the narrative stand. You can and must do better. For us, and all the people who care about us.

Of course, things don’t always work out like we expect them to. And there was no grace period. So, if you broke your arm the day after you lost coverage, and you didn’t have a job with insurance coverage yet, you were just completely screwed. There was no way you were able to buy retroactive coverage, or get reinstated in any way. Because you then had a “pre-existing condition” that would disqualify you from purchasing another plan at that point. I know all these things for a fact, because it was my literal job as a customer service person to tell people this, day in and day out. I explained to people every single day how it didn’t matter that they had Blue Shield coverage last week. If your coverage was expired, you would not be getting any help with your medical bills from us today. You would be paying entirely out of pocket.

It was also a part of my job to tell people that prescription coverage was not part of these temporary plans. And not many people think about this, but chemotherapy is a prescription. I literally was the one to tell people who were newly diagnosed with cancer that this insurance “coverage” that they thought would help and protect them, actually doesn’t cover chemo. And then ... talk about a pre-existing condition.

This probably is not something I will ever forget.

Then, in 2012, the Affordable Care Act was passed. Obama, with a lot of politicking from Joe Biden in securing some conservative votes, created the most sweeping healthcare reforms and patient protections in our nation’s history. It is truly impossible to overstate or ignore the scope of the utterly crucial changes Obamacare brought to the utterly criminal state of US healthcare at the time.

Obamacare mandated that cancer screenings be covered by insurance. Before that, it was extremely unequal in this county in terms of who got colonoscopies and CT scans and MRIs, as everyone had different insurance coverage on the subject. This meant that providers had to know and be aware of every individuals insurance coverage, and if their patients could afford the scans that could catch cancer early and save their lives. What ended up happening is that some got their cancer caught early, others didn’t. Obamacare leveled this playing field in a truly profound way. All cancer screenings are required to be totally covered by all insurance today.

Obamacare outlawed insurance companies being able to deny insurance to people based on how sick they are. Before Obamacare, if you were diagnosed with diabetes while not having insurance, it was impossible for you to get insurance for the rest of your life. If you were able to afford insulin on your own, that was the only way you survived. This is a very literal fact.

I don’t ever see this talked about, but I think it’s also important to mention that the Affordable Care Act also mandated transgender healthcare be covered by insurance. It feels a bit scary to say, as up until now, it seems like the right has not latched on to this as yet another way to attack Obamacare on the whole. But the profound cultural shift that this created cannot also be overstated. It was Obamacare that was truly responsible for the “transgender moment” that captured the eye of pop culture in 2015. The trans movement was not a phenomenon of fashion. It happened because Obamacare opened the doors for thousands of trans people, like me, to finally see ourselves, and to be able to seek the care we needed. It literally did not exist in this country before that. If anyone created trans people, honestly, it was Obama. And I don’t think he gets the credit he deserves for that. He may not want it. He might rather remain a somewhat silent hero to LGBTQ people. But I see it, because I lived it.

After 14 years of failure, conservatives today persist in trying to dismantle the culture of equity that Obamacare created and codified for our country. I feel like it’s almost a chicken and egg question at this point. Like, who are they still trying to impress with these stunts? Who really is pleased that they are tripling the healthcare premiums for millions, and trying to actively remove care from millions more? Is it only the constituents who they have brainwashed into thinking that cheap, equitable healthcare is somehow evil? If so, the snake has officially swallowed it’s own tail. Or, is it purely the insurance lobby they are trying to please? I feel confused as to why they would be pleased to have federal subsidies that they were being paid directly cut. But what do I know. It seems entirely plausible that there is literally no one left they are pleasing anymore, rather, they are just too uncreative to let go or pivot away from this tactic that they’ve beat to death for so very long.

The result being yet another year of congressional inaction and infighting that no American is interested in anymore. Meanwhile, the marketplace cuts that have already gone into effect have tripled the monthly “premiums” for millions. I happen to have bought insurance from the marketplace these past few months due to doing some temporary travel nursing, and thus losing my employer-sponsored coverage I’d had for the past 2 years.

Along with my inflated new bill, I got an explanation that my deductible, which had previously been 0, is now $5000.

This is price-gouging. It cannot be argued. They took advantage of the crisis of families losing the government subsidy on the premium, to change the coverage completely without warning or permission. At best, you might call it bait-and-switch. But really, it is price gouging, as what they did was switch the coverage I was previously buying for a vastly inferior plan. And call it the same name. During a time when the base price was tripling. Do they think people won’t notice? I bet many won’t.

This is how insurance companies have always made money. By making you think you have one thing, but switching it up the next month, and betting you won’t notice. Until it’s too late, and you try to access care.

The whole business model of insurance companies is to delay and deny care, knowing that some will give up and accept the bill. Only those who have tenacity and an appetite for a fight get insurance companies to pay what they advertise. The companies know this and thrive on it. They absolutely make claiming your fair share of coverage as difficult as possible. It is literally their business model. They make money when they make you give up. Delay, Deny, Defend.

After the wonderful experience of working for Blue Shield, I went back to working in restaurants and bars. When I moved to Australia, I fell into a caregiving job at a local nursing home. I instantly loved it. I loved the camraderie of the staff, and I loved the crotchety, foul mouthed patients who no longer give a fuck. Still do.

So, in Australia, I not only worked in the healthcare industry, but also had universal coverage myself.

I don’t know how to stress to you how INCREDIBLE it is to have universal coverage.

Not just for me, personally. Yes, it is obviously great to not have medical bills or pay monthly premiums. Of course.

But the pure way in which everything just WORKS is so hard to impart to people who have never experienced it. Since people are able to see their doctor and get prescriptions without worry or hassle, people are less sick when they go to the emergency room there. Here, people often go to the emergency room because they were out of prescriptions for weeks or months, which sent their chronic conditions out of control, or because they were avoiding going to the doctor or urgent care because of the cost. Then, they were so sick they had no choice but to go to the hospital. That happens a lot less in places with universal care.

The result is that you can walk into an emergency room and get immediate care. I mean no waiting at all. Like walking into an empty Starbucks. So, to be clear, I only went to one emergency room once, and I’m certain they are not all created equal. I lived in a pretty rural area, in a small town of 20,000, In NSW. As I sit here trying to do some internet research, it looks like the state of NSW has maintained a very high level of seeing ER patients promptly, though this isn’t the case throughout the country. Regardless, I don’t think this should take away from the very real experiences I had while living there in 2011.

All the care I got was prompt, easy, and kind. It just worked. It was palpable -- how healthcare workers were not stressed out to the max all the time like they are here. That’s because they were essentially government employees, who got a fair wage, and loads of vacation time. *And* physicians did not have to dick around with different insurance companies, and hire a whole team of people to harass them every month to ensure they got a fair payment for their services. No, there doctors just worked for a wage. Imagine that. AND that wage was the same throughout the country. Meaning that they could choose to work in a lower populated rural area, and not face the steep pay cuts that a doctor here does when doing so. You could simply choose where you wanted to live, and get paid the same as anyone else. Can you even imagine?

If anything, the biggest lie that the insurance lobby and their conservative congressional puppets and AI bots continue to propagate is that healthcare in America is really great, and in fact, superior to everywhere else. That no one else has figured out universal healthcare. That it all sucks, everywhere.

This is a lie, and an evil lie. Purely, purely evil. Just like the insurance company tripling my premium while raising my deductible to 5 grand.

We have to call it evil. I personally can no longer tolerate newcasters, podcasters, social media pundits wringing their hands with so much “concern” anymore. We are past “watching closely to how this develops.” I’m even over being “alarmed.” We are way past alarm. This is pure evil, and it needs to be called what it is.

I had to do some quick learning on the go. As medical technologies continue to advance, I was all of the sudden seeing patients with medicines and pumps and drains that I hadn’t seen before. I seem to thrive on this kind of challenge, because I found it fun and exhilarating. I saw something new, and asked other nurse colleagues and my supervisor what they thought the salient points were about each device, and supplemented that with an internet search of the manufacturer’s instructions.

I had one lovely patient in particular. We ended up seeing each other several times a week for a few months, so you naturally get to talking about life in general and all sorts of topics. He was a truly adorable older gent, almost always in shorts and suspenders. I asked him about his work life. He fixed big trucks and machinery. I asked him how he learned to do that? He said “some old fella taught me the trade”

This is something that is, practically speaking, almost extinct from our modern society. Trust me, I am all for modernization, standardization, safety, and uniformity of practice. But think about how the shift away from apprenticeships towards standardized community college training for skilled trades, and think about what that means for our society and brains.

We no longer have these community connections. The generational knowledge preserved in a textbook if lucky, lost to the winds otherwise. The nature of our learning and our society has so fundamentally shifted. And shifted away from the personal. The connection. The eye to eye. The hands-on, and the resulting ownership, responsibility, and community relationships are practically speaking,

In their place, young people go to a community college or pay for a specialty trade school, and end up with a certificate with their name on it. They input this information into an electronic resume, and are then thrown into the working world, sink or swim.

Is it any wonder then that young people are entering the workforce in a state of high anxiety, armed with only theoretical knowledge? And often without the interpersonal skills required for excellent customer service? Never having actually answered a phone or greeted and welcomed someone into a space? Many couldn’t begin to conceptualize a healthy mentor relationship, because this is not modeled in the teacher-classroom setting.

We’ve lost something very fundamental, immediate, connecting. We’ve lost interpersonal touch in a very real way. And so many are suffering because of it.

Probably a decade ago, I came across an Atlantic Monthly article about how the ability to google anything at any moment was already fundamentally changing the way we learn as a species. Think about it: we used to have to think fundamentally differently if we had a question. First of all, we had to hold in our minds for a lot longer before finding an answer.

Do you remember having a question, and consulting an paper encyclopedia collection at your house, or the house of a friend or relative? Or, having a question, and actually going to a library to look up a book that would answer it? And if it was Sunday and the library was closed, can you even imagine at this point holding the question in your mind, waiting for the library to open on Monday, and actually going and asking a library assistant in-person where you might find the answer to your question in the rows and rows of physical books on the shelf?

So many people today have never gone to the front desk of a library to ask a verbally ask a question to a live person. Why would they? When the device in your pocket can give... some kind of answer...

Or, simply think about asking around with friends, family and acquaintances to find answers to questions you used to have? This makes me think about how instant internet information has actually eroded trust in the knowledge base of those in our immediate community. How many of us no longer trust information casually asked for in person? How much more do you trust what google serves you? This is shifting in real time, as google AI serves us increasingly questionable material, and people are noticing. But I would argue that the needle is still firmly in the “distrust your neighbors and acquaintances territory” What a fundamentally sad and disconnected world we now find ourselves in.

I really do feel like the immediate gratification angle to all this is chiefly to blame in harming our ability to retain knowledge. And I feel strongly that the lack of interpersonal connection, mentorship, and looking a live person in the eye while having a real dialogue is bankrupting us in ways that will only come more into focus over time.

I’m heartened to see people finding increased value in physical media, like books, CDs and vinyl. Film cameras. And in in-person meetups and gaming. Will it be enough?

Here in Merced, there has only ever been one local provider of gender-affirming care for young people: Golden Valley Health Centers. Unfortunately, this year Golden Valley Health Centers instructed their staff to stop prescribing puberty blockers to teens, for fear of retaliation by the federal government. This week, NPR reported on documents from the federal government that reveal the next step in their plan to eliminate the last places are standing up for trans teens: university hospitals like UCSF.

Youth Trans Care Has Been Under Attack for Years

Over the past several years, more than half of US states have proposed or enacted laws banning gender-affirming care for anyone under 18. Families who are committed to the health and well-being of their trans kids have fled those states for places like California, including a family from Tennessee who attended our free pizza lunches earlier this year before moving up into the Pacific Northwest.

My trans teen and I attended the LGBTQ free pizza party in Merced every month for about six months while we lived nearby and we had such a wonderful experience. My teenager looked forward to each meeting to be able to spend time with other teenagers like himself, where he was accepted and was able to find community. -Anonymous event participant

Therefore, through these combined local, state and federal government efforts, it has already become extremely difficult for trans teens across the country to get the care they need, including here in the Central Valley.

Where Can Trans Teens in Merced Go?

People of all ages can and should still call Golden Valley and make an appointment to establish care with a provider who understands gender-affirming care. LGBTQ Merced can help families make this connection, and also make referrals to mental health providers and more. However, families of transgender teens should be prepared to be referred to UCSF for hormone or puberty blocker prescriptions. Most kids and teens in Merced have had to go to UCSF for LGBTQ+ care, well, kind of forever.

Residents of Merced and the Central Valley know that it can be extremely difficult to get specialist care. We are in a healthcare professional shortage area, lacking adequate numbers of everything from orthopedists to primary care providers.

It has never been any different for those seeking specialty LGBTQ+ care. The numbers of providers who are knowledgeable about transgender care are few. LGBTQ Merced is proud to be partnering with UC Merced in providing medical students in their SJV Prime program with an overview of transgender care, and the specific needs and barriers LGBTQ+ people in the Central Valley face. We are happy and available to provide this kind of training to any local organizations. However, this is not enough in the face of the Federal Government’s relentless war on LGBTQ+ health.

Will UCSF be forced by the federal government to stop providing gender-affirming care to teens? If that is the case, then Merced trans teens will have nowhere to go to seek medical care, except other countries.

Everyone Can Pitch in and Help

No matter your industry or position, all allies across the country need to rise up at this time and share links to LGBTQ health resources, facts and news. Trans people, and youth in particular, are retreating back into the closet and becoming fearful of asking for the care they need. That means that everyone needs to be vocal about their support, and share where people can get connected to help.

The most recent and largest survey of trans people showed that 40% of transgender people make a suicide attempt at some time in their life. Having access to care, and to social opportunities to meet other transgender people, are critical to the continued health and well being of our local kids. Numerous scientific studies have shown that transgender care for all ages is safe and life-saving.

Please share these facts on social media, with your family, and co-workers. And consider making a sustaining, monthly donation to LGBTQ Merced to support our social events, and personalized health referrals for local LGBTQ+ folks of all ages.

I guess there really isn’t any other way to say it besides: I’ve been overwhelmed. Everyday there is a headline I see, and immediately think about the story I could write about it. How penetrating and personal it all is. But then, the very next day, something else happens. There is some new attack on my identity. The word “identity” has been weaponized. Think about that. Think about being told that they very way you go about in the world, the way you have chosen to live your life and interact with others in every way from the superficial to the highly personal, and even the sexual, is being discussed in real time, in very mainstream media. By the president. Your very identity.

Take a minute and think about an analogue in your own life. Do you define yourself as Christian? Imagine the president talking about plans to label your spiritual group as “Nihilistic Violent Extremists.” How about a baker. Is one of your labels a baker? A chef? Imagine your profession becoming outlawed and having to move to another state in order to keep your business open. Do you have a chronic health condition for which you take medication everyday? Imagine your doctor telling you tomorrow that they can no longer give your medication to you. Do you play sports? Imagine tomorrow you or your kids going to a competition, and other parents telling you or your child that you cannot participate because of how you dress or think.

This is the very plain reality that transgender americans are living with today. It’s hard to even bring myself to capitalize “america” or “president” right now. It doesn’t feel like a country, which is meant to protect you and create a sense of unity. And it doesn’t feel like a president, who is meant to represent all people. Instead, the immensely powerful Heritage Foundation – the architects of this new reality – recently lobbied the FBI to create a new terrorist designation for “Transgender Ideology-Inspired Violent Extremism.”

Which reality is real?

It’s an interesting dual reality for me as a registered nurse. I can go about my day and speak about what I do with strangers – I’m very open with my life and my thoughts. Let’s use Jiffy Lube as an example. I can be sitting in the lobby as my car’s oil is getting changed. A few weeks ago, I was talking about being a registered nurse, and got in reply “thank you for your service.” I still love and appreciate that post-COVID, people have begun to recognize what I do in this way. However, last November, I had to interrupt a conversation where a person was gleefully spreading a nutty falsehood that a truck stop up the highway 20 miles had made all its multi-stall restrooms gender neutral. Of course, this was just a tool (lie) by which to speak hatefully about transgender people. They may not have sensed that I was transgender, but when I told them there is no way their statement could be true, they shot back with something ugly about “you people.” I yelled “What people? Exactly what kind of people are you talking about? Who exactly do you think I am?” They didn’t answer, just gave a cartoonishly ugly smirk. Someone else interrupted to diffuse the situation.

I think what they were thinking was “faggot,” or maybe just “liberal.” Doesn’t matter, all that I’m trying to paint here is that it feels like living in a moving kalidescope – having these intersecting identities that people can, sometimes simultaneously, have incredibly strong feelings about, negative and positive.

Over the years, I’ve done a certain amount of thinking about China. I’m half Chinese, but my immediate family has never had any interest in going for a visit. So I’ve not been, yet. But as a Buddhist, and also, like anyone, curious about my cultural heritage, there is a strong pull for me to go. This interest has grown extremely slowly, but steadily, over the years. There are many reasons that it has taken this long for me to start planning a trip to China. My feelings about it, and about my own safety were I to go, I think may go without saying. For most of my life, it has seemed safer to stay in america than to go to China.

But now? China still denies human rights violations, and restricts travel and journalism. But here at home? Are we doing much better? Last year, I could never have imagined ICE agents shooting immigrants in the back as they flee, with complete immunity. Facebook has become a complete haven for transphobia. I see memes and commentary from the right thinking they’ve “won” the culture war against trans people, their evidence being that young people are being silenced, forced back into the closet. I know that folks high up in our government would put me into a re-education camp were they able. What I’m not certain about is how many of them would think it more efficient to just execute me in the street.

“Shoot ‘em all, and let god sort ‘em out”

It’s the old “shoot ‘em all, and let god sort ‘em out” mentality of old. I remind people about this phrase a lot, lately. For some, I am introducing it to them for the first time. I think the fact that this phrase was largely forgotten about, but is now essential to understanding the mentality of the religious “right” in america right now, is a chilling notion that cannot be ignored.

There are many that want me dead, want us dead. About a year and a half into my transition, I got my first facebook comment instructing me to kill myself. This was from a former co-worker who, I think, never knew I was transgender until he read my facebook comments after he had already switched jobs. If you have spent time on facebook, but not noticed violent comments towards LGBTQ people, their supporters, or just “liberals” in general, you have not been paying attention. Or, you are so ensconced in a tight bubble that no light is now being let in, and you are merely seeing your own reflection magnified and repeated. This is why the majority of queer people have left the platform altogether.

This is somewhat heartening: a growing understanding of the harms of social media, and the increase of young people rejecting it. This is going hand in glove with the steadily-increasing popularity of analog media, like CDs and LPs. Slowly, young people are creating opportunities to gather, listen to records, read books. In the last few months, I’ve started up a new trans meetup, and also Silent Book Club for LGBTQ Merced, by community request.

This isn’t “highly unusual,” this is murder

What really upsets me is the persistence in the media, even NPR, of minimizing what is happening. I’m sick of commentators telling us to “pay very close attention” to what is happening. I want to set my radio on fire when I hear about something “unprecedented,” “of great concern,” or “highly unusual.”

What we need to be saying is that our government is executing people in the street. That we fund foreign genocide. That the president is provoking war in South America with no involvement from Congress, and indeed, without evidence or rationale. And that the government has already removed healthcare from transgender youth, while in the process of trying to remove it for millions of the nation’s poor, regardless of how they identify. That is also murder: for diabetic folks, for folks who need ventilators, folks with cancer.

Remember “pre-existing conditions,” that healthcare companies used to use to deny people coverage? Cancer was a pre-existing condition. Chemotherapy is a medicine, like any other. Before the ACA, if you didn’t have drug coverage, you couldn’t get chemotherapy. I know, because in 2005 I did a temp job with Blue Shield, which basically consisted of me explaining to people that we would not pay for their chemotherapy, or for the leg they broke 2 days after they lost their coverage through their job.

That doesn’t happen anymore, at least, in California post-ACA. With the ACA subsidies, California grants immediate coverage to people who are suddenly not working anymore. Basically, if you have no income, you are taken care of in California. For now.

But the president is trying to take that away. And not just for California – but across the nation. It’s hard for me to conceptualize anything more purely evil.

For me, I think it is entirely appropriate for lawmakers to force a government shutdown over this. And for me, I will have lost every shred of hope if they capitulate, and allow “the right” to remove these healthcare subsidies that essentially form a safety net for all americans. I feel like the government should have already been shut down over the genocide we have been participating in with Israel. And that it should also remain shut down until we stop firing rockets into boats off the coast of foreign countries without congressional approval. But that is just my take.

With 14 feature films, 12 television series’, over 850 novels and 1,000s of comic book titles, Star Trek is among the most prolific and popular media franchises of all time. You may have acquaintances who are shocked when you admit you have never seen a moment of Trek. What is all the hype about? Read on to learn everything you need to know about the universe, and why it has been so enduringly popular over the last six decades.

An Optimistic View of the Future

In the Star Trek universe, humanity has solved its major problems. This is possible because sustainable, nearly unlimited energy technology has been perfected, in the form of capturing matter-antimatter reactions. This nearly unlimited energy has made possible:

• Virtually unlimited food (which is essentially 3D printed on demand)

• Instantaneous transportation of bodies and things over great distances

• The constructions of huge spaceships that can house hundreds of people, including families

• Faster than light travel by virtue of bending space-time

Because hunger, manual labor and borders have been essentially removed, humanity finds itself in a place where each person is free to pursue whatever interest calls to them, be it art, science, exploration or extraterrestrial diplomacy.

Optimism in science fiction is rare. Even after 60 years, Star Trek remains one of the only positive visions of our future in the genre. Why are nearly all stories about humanity’s future set in a hellscape of devastation, starvation and war? Star Trek fans aren’t entirely sure.

It Uses Real Science

Beginning with Star Trek: The Next Generation in the 1980s and continuing until 2001, Trek accepted unsolicited (“spec”) scripts from aspiring writers and scientists. This means that actual scientists pitched stories about the theoretical principles they were studying and loved. The resulting shows were strongly rooted in believable science because of this, and continue to stand the test of time.

There aren’t a huge number of sci-fi shows that have used this practice. Black Mirror, Extant and Farscape are a few examples of shows that accepted scripts from the community. But it was Star Trek that pioneered the use of scripts from scientists, which lent great depth of thought to its 3 longest-running series: The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager.

Its Diversity Was Seamless

Fans love the way that Star Trek talks about diversity: by not talking about it. Rather, men married to each other, men carrying pregnancies, men in dresses, non-binary folks, and women kissing women are shown and discussed on screen, but largely portrayed as a non-issue. Rather, it was a matter of course that a woman or a Black man could be captain or admiral, and that people could date and marry whom they chose. Same-sex relationships are as casually discussed as the weather.

When a storyline includes an extraterrestrial war that appeared to have a racial component, humans in the story generally regard the situation as eye-rollingly backwards and incomprehensible. Fans of Trek treasure this vision of a future, where race and sex are literally a non-issue in people’s daily lives.

A Consistent Universe

Star Trek has lovingly maintained an extremely consistent universe, via a small army of scientific and continuity consultants (some of which are celebrities in their own right among Trek fans). Each show, novel and comicbook are proofed and approved by a huge staff. Fans love this attention to detail, which results in an immersive, and dependable, universe. This continuity sets Trek apart from Star Wars, which some fans see as several distinct universes over decades of books, movies and media put out by different companies. It could be argued that this consistency of universe is a key reason for the tenacity, longevity and loyalty of Trek fans.

With the Trekverse getting ready to celebrate its 60th birthday in 2026, pop culture fans everywhere should be prepared for intense displays of love and positivity. You have been prepared!

Check it out to learn about this art medium and practice that is making a HUGE comeback over the last few years!

This was recorded at the first Central Valley ‘Zine Fest, put on in Merced by myself and LGBTQ Merced, and Red Sky Comics, our local comicbook shop, on 3/8/2025.

Be in touch if you would like to be involved in 2026!

I did some traveling in Japan recently. You might think that the delicious drawing of ramen above was birthed from this trip. Unfortunately, getting paid to travel as a reportage illustrator hasn’t quite panned out yet, ready as I am for that to happen. So, I still find myself working for a wage here in California, with finite time for art making, which is shared with my community-building activities, advocacy, sports, travel, fun, friends, you get the idea. So I haven’t yet had the time to finish any of the drawings I did while in Japan. In the meantime, this drawing is of a lovely meal at A-Un Brooklyn in 2023 will suffice to guide you to the appropriate headspace for talking about Asian ways of thinking and being.

Relatedly, I’ve also recently had fun listening to the audiobook version of Alton Brown’s new Food For Thought. There, he explains how using chopsticks gives you a tactile experience of your food that using a fork or spoon lacks. I had never thought about it in that way before. I think a lot of us are so self-conscious about the physical act of using chopsticks correctly and elegantly, that this thought-process can override the sensual experience of this different way of eating. This is me telling myself to be more present with this experience, rather than worried about people watching me lose a few grains of rice, or a wobbly bit of tofu on their way to my mouth.

Temple stay

In June, I arrived in Japan a few days in advance of my family in order to stay one night in the historic Zen temple Eihei-ji. To do so, I had applied on the internet in advance a few months prior, and received a “permission letter,” or reservation, for one night’s stay. This included a dinner, a traditional futon to sleep on, breakfast, and guidance in English for participating in Zen meditation and the monk’s morning chanting practice for a donation of about a hundred dollars.

Our guide was a twenty- or-so year old guy from New Jersey, who was delightfully irreverent as he explained a little bit about the different figures in Buddhism that we were seeing depicted in paintings and statuary around the extraordinarily beautiful temple grounds.

Learning from books

My personal spiritual journey began with finding Lin Yutang’s translation and discussion of the Chuangtse (also written as Chuang Tzu, Zhuang Zhou or Zhuangzi) in my high school library. The Chuangtse is an early expansion of Taoist thought, after Laotse (or Laozi, Lao-Tsu) and their Book of Tao (Daodejing, Tao Te Ching, etc). The different romanization systems for transcribing Chinese words alone can make a study of these schools of thought seem hopelessly obtuse to the casual American reader. But after about three decades of reading on the subject, I feel like I have a pretty good grasp of the situation.

When I read the Book of Tao and the Chuangtse (mid-nineties), it was difficult to find any other literature on Taoism in English. So, my personal exploration of spirituality hit a bit of a dead end, and went quiet for about a decade.

Fast forward to around 2005, and I am taking yoga and American Sign Language at Santa Rosa Junior College, and perusing the library shelves for literature on Taosim. I’d like to pause here to note that most all of my big spiritual movements forward have started with books found at a library. I think it’s important to note the quiet yet profound power and difference in browsing those shelves once in a while, as opposed to relying solely on commercial, retail booksellers.

Anyways, at SRJC, I found another book that would end up having an unbelievably profound effect on my life and how I live it: Shunryu Suzuki Roshi’s Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind. This little book from the 1970s introduced generations of Americans, and in particular Bay Area residents, to Soto Zen Buddhism. Suzuki Roshi came to the Bay Area in 1959, and went on to found the San Francisco Zen Center, and the Tassajara Zen Center a bit further south.

Here’s the gist of it, as I see it. Buddhism has what seems to me to be a more diverse and colorful history than any other world religion. It was born in India, and spread eastward across nearly every country in Asia. As it went, it was blended with local, indigenous traditions, like Taoism in China, and Shintoism in Japan, while also keeping the iconography of it’s original Hindu elements to varying degrees in each highly localized iteration. Today, there are branches of Buddhist practice that are farther apart in structure and look than branches of Christian church look from one another. For example, I am drawn to Zen Buddhism, as it is one of very few spiritual practices that I know about that makes room for complete atheism. Meanwhile, there are Buddhist practices all the way from Japan in the north, to every Southeast Asian country nearer the equator, which very much incorporate various gods and deities, and a discussion of the happenings of the afterlife — elements of what we define as “religion” today.

Buddhism is a religion

It puzzled me for a long time, and stalled my understanding of Buddhism in general, honestly, as to why so many American writers seem to insist that Buddhism is “a philosophy, not a religion.” I want to make clear that this is truly a huge misconception. Buddhism, as it is practiced throughout Asia, has all the elements of religion as we think of it, and it truly one of the world’s religions, by any measure. It has a pantheon of gods, weekly services, and a very specific discussion of the afterlife (karma, reincarnation) as it is practiced throughout dozens of countries across the world. The variety of gods, as said before — oftentimes a blending of indiginous traditions with the Hindu pantheon, with wonderfully technicolor and kalidescopic results.

Zen Buddhism, on the other hand, is a strange abberation on several levels. First, it is practiced in almost every country across the globe at this point, but in teeny, tiny enclaves. This is in contrast to where, particularly in Southeast Asian countries, other forms of Buddhism are very widely practiced throughout a population, replete with weekly services, temples active with individual prayer and offerings, the performance of death and hospice services — a true integration into the community. In Myanmar, it is the state religion. Another way that Zen is a strange outlier among the other Buddhist traditions is in that allows for total atheism, but at the same time allows for a certain worship of traditional Japanese and Chinese interpretations of Buddhist figures, like Kannon (aka Guanyin, or Avalokiteśvara).

As a lifelong atheist, I was drawn immediately to studying Zen Buddhism. What this has looked like is devouring a small mountain of books on the subject, doing a week-long student session at the San Francisco Zen Center around 2013, and engaging somewhat-weekly with the NY Zen Center in Chelsea for about a year in 2023. Throughout these decades, I struggled with feelings of 1) cultural appropriation, in that I was not raised with this tradition, so what was I doing trying to engage with it from afar? And 2) this idea that it is “just a philosophy,” which diminishes it’s meaning and significance, I think.

So, why do we have this huge misconception about Buddhism not being a religion? As far as I can tell, it stems from a three-way conversation throughout the 60s and 70s between Christian monk Thomas Merton, and Thich Nhat Hanh and D. T. Suzuki — the three main characters who introduced Buddhism to the west at that time. They were all talking about Zen Buddhism, but statements they made ended up entering our consciousness wrongly as applying to Buddhism in general. Specifically, there is a quote from Thich Nhat Hanh that is widely distributed that reinforces this misconception, if you take it without context. When Thich Nhat Hanh said that “There is a misconception that Buddhism is a religion,” what he was trying to get across is that Zen Buddhism does not worship the Buddha as a god, as someone in America might wrongly assume. Rather, Zen Buddism is more strongly rooted in a physical, daily practice of mindfulness, and generally being concerned with being a good person and doing good things. Praxis.

Eat with the chopsticks

My biggest emotional takeaway from my stay at Eihei-ji was how all of my education and experience up until that point had perfectly prepared me for the experience. I knew every place I was meant to bow, turn, sit, chant, etcetera. The language barrier was not a thing, at all. I knew exactly what to do, and felt immediately welcomed, seen, and at home.

This was so interesting to me, and made me feel like Soto Zen Buddhists are the Jehovah’s Witnesses of Buddhism. Not in the door-to-door to proselytizing or the neckties — we don’t do that. But rather, in the sense that Witnesses are among the most literal interpreters of the Bible, likewise Zen Buddhists practice around the world in pretty shockingly the exact same way, and this can only be the result of interpreting the same, old book in the very same, literal way. Which is exactly what Zen Buddhists do, in reverence of Dogen’s Shobogenzo from the 13th century.

As I said, it’s been a long journey towards calling myself “a Buddhist,” and accepting that it is indeed a religion and a system of spirituality, even though, for me, that spirituality doesn’t have any god or gods at the center of it. A crucial event that gave me the permission to explore this more deeply was actually the passing of my grandma on my Chinese side. It wasn’t until then, and various disparate family members gathered around and talked about her early life, that I learned that my granddad had actually been a practicing Buddhist. I never knew the man, as he passed a few years before I was born. And none of his kids, or the wife he left behind, were to continue any Buddhist practices — they all ended up adopting one type of Christianity or other. Or, as in my mom, becoming the most agnostic of people that I know.

In 2013, I did my week-long study session at the San Francisco Zen Center, but that experience didn’t end up doing much to deepen my practice. In hindsight, and after conversations with other Zen practitioners around the world, I’ve come to discover that SFZC is pretty famously unfriendly. So, it wasn’t just me that they were ignoring. That’s been belatedly reassuring. So, it wasn’t until grandma passed in 2021, and then in 2023 in NYC where I truly found sangha (community and fellowship) for the first time, that I’ve been able to confidently call myself a Buddhist.

So what about this crisis you mentioned

As my practice and feelings about Buddhism deepen, I naurally want to keep visiting more and more Buddhist sites around the world. I’ve had my most profound spiritual feelings at an historic Buddhist site I stumbled across in India in 2018. And my temple visits throughout Japan have sharpened my interest. I felt so at home visiting them.

This brings me to feelings about China. I have always wanted to visit, but have had some conflicted feelings about it over the years. Specifically, I realized late into writing this article that I feel afraid to even mention T*bet during this discussion, for fear of being blacklisted and denied a Chinese visa when the time comes. This realization came after I had written 3 or 4 long paragraphs, now edited out, on the subject. (I have the full version saved, of course.)

But this brought up strong, pre-existing feelings I already have about self-censorship, and this put me in a bit of a spiral that has actually delayed me publishing this installment for several weeks.

I feel angry and anxious that there has been so much of my life that I cannot talk about for a variety of reasons. I can’t talk about so much injustice I see on the daily, as I am a working nurse and I have to protect patient privacy. Even being suspected about being a talker about patients or workplaces can definitely narrow my career options. And so much about being trans has fundamentally stalled honest and real conversations about sex and relationships for so much of my life — that it is still painful. Even now, when I am kind of as out as one gets, I suppose it is the specter of self-censorship that makes me freeze with anxiety.

It’s been interesting to tease out these feelings over the last few weeks. But all that said, I very much want to visit China next year, and months ago began to map out the pilgrimage I envision, stringing together holy Taoist mountains and Buddhist artifacts. It is my cultural heritage, as I am fully 50% Chinese, and as a food lover, China is a must-see for me.

I have also done some significant hand-wringing over the decades about learning Chinese. Specifically, should I learn Cantonese or Mandarin? My family spoke Cantonese, but now that my grandma is gone, I have few options for practicing it. Mandarin is the more widely spoken across China, and Asia in general. So, Mandarin it is. I have already gotten a few audio CDs from the library, and we’ll see how far I can get with those. There are no Mandarin classes at any nearby community college unfortunately. But you know I will find a way.

I have no idea how I’ve gotten this far in life without having read David Sedaris. I blame every single one of my friends for not cajoling and coercing me into checking him out decades ago. Yes, you.

However, I know I have no one but myself to blame for a couple of other things. First, letting my library card go fallow for years. Second, never having sat down and seriously read W. E. B. DuBois.

I happen to be rectifying all of this, right now. And there are, immediately, connections between the two books I’m reading — Naked, and The Souls of Black Folk — that are so sharp and biting, I feel pain.

Of course, these feelings are heightened by all the darkness around us right now. On the local level, we recently celebrated AB Hernandez, Fresno-based trans teen athlete, who competed in a track meet a few weeks ago. She was supported by teammates, competitors, and the community alike. She was also demonized by her local city government and school district.

This was on the heels of Governor Newsom being pretty universally panned for siding with conservative bigot Charlie Kirk against trans athletes on his new podcast a month or so ago.

Today, there is a new escalation at the federal level, which is attempting to bully California into denouncing and barring trans participation in sports. And it might work. The whiplash is real.

I’ve talked about trans folks in sports a lot over the years. But every single time, I have to check my facts, because the landscape keeps morphing from minute to minute. It doesn’t help that the International Olympic Committee refuses to take a stand, instead leaving each sport to discriminate against trans and intersex athletes in it’s own way.

Here is the gist of it. Testosterone increases muscle mass and athletic endurance. That’s a fact. Fact also is that a transgender girl or woman receiving medical therapy is also suppressing her testosterone to as close to zero as possible with various medications. This is the only way to give estrogen a chance to work.

There is no science that backs the argument that a trans woman has an advantage just because she underwent a “natural” puberty, and has had high levels of testosterone in her body in the past. In fact, it is argued that this might actually give her a disadvantage athletically, in the fact that she is now carrying around her larger frame without the benefit of the muscles and endurance that it was built for.

It feels like the walls closing in. Coming out of the last decade of ever-increasing acceptance personally, professionally, and in greater society and the media, it feels especially strange — like a funhouse mirror. We watch as gains are rolled back in real time. It makes me a little nauseous. Like, carsick.

Today, I received an email from our local Behavioral Health and Recovery Services, which for the last 4 years, has distributed about $80,000 to several non-profits for LGBTQ outreach activities. This was under a banner called “prevention and early intervention.” That tap is now off.

Sedaris writes about being “members of a secret society founded on self-loathing” in Naked in 1997.

I feel like I haven’t seen that in a while. I suppose I did craft a tough little bubble the last few years, inhabiting queer spaces in Brooklyn in 2022 and 2023, working locally in Merced to create change with other inspired queers, and cultivating a garden of online art and positivity.

Now, I am seeing the hiding again. The self-hatred, the self-fear. It feels like a horror show that I thought got cancelled 5 years ago.

Last week, there was an excellent, queer dance party at the local bar. I saw defiant and jubilant young queers who seemed to have never known hatred. But I also saw queers cathartically stamping out a lifetime of repression. This is beautiful in it’s own right, but also tender, and a little bit maddening. Really? Still? You haven’t seen nor showcased your radiant, unique beauty until now?

I still interact with people on a regular basis who want to speak, but with a pseudonym. Who want to meet, but not in public. Who have something to say, but can’t say it just yet. It’s the unique position of running a rural queer org. It’s an honor, but feels burdensome sometimes. It keeps me grounded?

Other places I’ve been recently:

OTHERS Podcast

Merced FOCUS

In 2014, Wikileaks published hacked emails between top executives and producers at Sony Pictures. Reporting on the contents spilled out onto the internet throughout 2015. Despite attempted scrubbing, you can still access some of the documents using the Wayback Machine. Included in these leaked emails were contracts regarding the Spiderman movies. They explicitly detail that, according to Marvel, Spiderman is never to be portrayed as anything but male, white and straight.

Was Racism a Factor?

Interestingly, E! News reports that this contract appears to have been created after the first appearance of Miles Morales, a Black/Puerto Rican Spiderman from an alternate universe. Miles has since become hugely popular. We know that Stan lee did not hold comprehensive creative control over the sprawling Marvel universe of characters at that point. Was this contract with Sony pictures enshrining Spidey as white and heterosexual also a reaction to a perceived loss of control over the white character he co-created with artist Steve Ditko?

When asked by Newsarama, Lee plainly verified that he feels that Spiderman should forever be white and straight:

“I wouldn’t mind, if Peter Parker had originally been black, a Latino, an Indian or anything else, that he stay that way,” Lee said. “But we originally made him white. I don’t see any reason to change that.” [ … ]

“I think the world has a place for gay superheroes, certainly,” he said. “But again, I don’t see any reason to change the sexual proclivities of a character once they’ve already been established. I have no problem with creating new, homosexual superheroes.” — Newsarama via the Wayback Machine

But was that true? Was he OK with new, queer characters?

Stan Lee passed on November 12, 2018. Prior to that date, there simply was no queer content in the MCU, apart from one line from Valkyrie in 2017’s Thor: Ragnarok (more on that later). And queer characters in the books were very scarce, as illustrated by this article on marvel.com from 2019.

To be perfectly honest, I had ZERO IDEA that Iceman had a queer journey in the comicbooks — which I just learned from reading Marvel’s 2019 article. Iceman has always been portrayed as the straightest of dweebs in the FOX studios movies, and in the books I have read. And who is Northstar, anyways? I don’t think that there are many folks who would argue he is an A-list character as far as the Marvelverse goes. From my perspective as a lifelong Marvel fan, there has been almost no queer content in the Marvelverse until relatively recently.

Fans have loved to extrapolate about Loki’s queerness via his gender switching in the comicbooks. But it wasn’t until after Lee passed that that this was talked about on-screen via Disney’s 2021 Loki TV series.

The First Queer Marvel Content On Screen

The earliest queer content I noticed on-screen from Marvel properties was in the FX TV 2017 series Legion. There, the most depraved and mentally unstable villian (Lenny) is explicitly queer. She is such a caricature of evil, almost the personification of it, that I find it extremely hard to read her whole arc as anything but an attack on queer identity. The fact that she is possibly only an hallucination/figment of imagination (not a real person) only cements this feeling for me. This is the kind of queer content that Lee approved for distribution.

Queer Content That Got Axed

Queer content in Marvel properties on-screen was scarce prior to 2018. We got that one-line about a girlfriend from Valkyrie in 2017’s Thor: Ragnarok, but according to OUT Magazine, a scene more clearly illustrating her queerness was cut:

According to writer/director Taika Waititi, there was originally a scene filmed where a woman can be seen leaving Valkyrie's apartment, presumably after a hookup. Unfortunately, the scene was cut after audiences didn't understand it.

"We tested that scene. And people were just so confused," Waititi said. "I think we were just being so subtle about it that most audiences were like, 'who was that? Was that a flatmate?' People didn't connect the dots – or not enough did. So it was more confusing for audiences. We should have just had her come out and kiss her and then leave." — OUT Magazine

Other Marvel movies that had queerness scrubbed from them include The Marvels (which originally was set to include an inderlude between Captain Marvel and Valkyrie) and Black Panther: Wakanda Forever.

The Bisexual Spiderman Controversy

It cannot be forgotten that Spiderman actor Andrew Garfield himself confirmed that Sony executives pressured him to retract speculation about portraying Peter Parker as bisexual in a third Amazing Spiderman — a project which ended up getting scuppered entirely.

There was an interview I gave where I said, ‘Why can’t Peter explore his bisexuality in his next film? Why can’t [his girlfriend] MJ be a guy?’ I was then put under a lot of pressure to retract that and apologise for saying something that is a legitimate thing to think and feel. So I said, ‘OK, so you want me to make sure that we get the bigots and the homophobes to buy their tickets?’ — Andrew Garfield in the Independent

After Lee passed in 2018, we finally got legitimate, on-screen queer representation in 2020’s New Mutants — which was not produced by Marvel Studios, and so is absent (like Lenny) from many internet lists on LGBTQ Marvel content. New Mutants was the first Marvel on-screen property to centralize a queer love story. And damn, it felt good.

Then, the 2021’s Eternals movie featured a queer hero — a first for the MCU proper.

Hope For The Future?

I have high hopes for increased queer content in the Marvelverse going forward. But it seems clear to me that this started with, and was only possible after, the passing of Lee. I find it extremely hard to digest treatises from fans who rail against this take, and defend Lee as some kind of crusader for inclusivity. In my view, he capitalized on this perception — which was in actuality driven by content and direction from other Marvel-associated creators. Basically, taking credit for other people’s stuff.

Lee did speak about creating the X-MEN in 1963 as a metaphor for the Civil Rights movement. He did speak about equality for Black people, and racism being a societal ill. However — the X-MEN were a group of 100% white people for their first entire decade (until the debut of Storm in 1975), and remain overwhelmingly white on-screen to this day.

Similarly, much is made about seeing the X-MEN as a metaphor for queer oppression. However, it has always been the fans (like me) overlaying this take onto the existing content — which remained stubbornly straight until New Mutants. After Lee was gone.

Fanfiction — You Can’t Stop The Fans

Happily, queer joy can always be found in fanfiction and fan hot takes. That’s the lovely thing about fiction — readers, as a matter of course, create our own backstories and futures for characters as we read. We naturally imagine the totality of worlds they inhabit — inner and outer. And nothing could ever stop that.

For your daily dose of queer joy, google “Is Spiderman a Twink?” The internet is rife with conversation. And I think few could argue casting Wolverine as the ur-bear — a genre-defining specimen. You think he never once had a dalliance with a man in hundreds (thousands?) of years of life and interplanetary travel? Please. Though, he might never admit to it.

It’s a little tough for me to give a whole lot of credit to the MCU for finally including Deadpool’s canonical bisexuality onscreen in 2024’s Deadpool & Wolverine, as there isn’t much that comes out of the guy’s mouth that isn’t an actual joke. Being an old enough queer, with my identity being taken as a joke for a bit too long — I get tired after a few jokes. But ultimately, I just don’t like Deadpool very much, and I’m happy to admit this bias being probably most of the reason I don’t think of Deadpool & Wolverine as praise-worthy LGBTQ representation. But that’s just my take. There are legions of fans that Deadpool makes very happy. And that is the only, singular point that has any meaning or value in fiction. Does it make you happy?

I want to talk plainly about the resurgence of queer, and especially trans, erasure that is abundant all around us, and all around the world right now. This isn’t symbolic. It isn’t hidden. And it isn’t just talk. People are losing their livelihoods, their freedom, their basic civil rights.

What broke my heart yesterday, though, wasn’t about queer lives, but about the concurrent culture of erasure around the Palestinian genocide and the war in Ukraine. I have been a huge fan of the PBS Newshour for years. But yesterday, their reporting on the murders of the embassy staffers in Washington steered directly into the same illogic that infects so much of our news media right now. I know that PBS is under tremendous financial pressure to provide what partisans label “fair and balanced” reporting — meaning giving both “left” and “right” viewpoints equal airtime. But so often, this means giving equal airtime to lies and misinformation. This has been happening with more and more regularity on the News Hour this year, and you can see how it visibly pains the on-air personalities. But while this is a part of what happened yesterday, but it was actually even worse than that. They didn’t just give equal time to dissenting “views,” they gave the entire time to illogical opinion.

PBS’s reporting led with the fact that the mudrerer chanted “Free Palestine” while being arrested and admitting to the murders. But what followed was 10 minutes of opinion, marked mostly by grief and outrage, labeling the act as anti-semitic and “Neo-Nazi” (Netanyahu’s words).

Ayelet Razin:

They had nothing to do with Israel or Israelis' government policy, the war, nothing. They were murdered because they were Jews.

Which is, obviously, just wrong. Wrong — as in completely divorced from logic. Be clear, I am not assigning value to anything here, and certainly not apologizing for murder. But the guy quite literally stated it was very much about the war. That is literally what “it” was about. He said it, he shouted it, he chanted it.

This kind of utter divorce from reality is the world we find ourselves living in now. The conservative architects of this daily assault on reality started building their framework decades ago. What we are witnessing now is the culmination of that work.

Self censorship in Hollywood

In 2024, the Guardian reported that Denzel Washingon states he perfomed a scene with a homosexual kiss while shooting Gladiator 2. This kiss, however, did not make it to the screen. When Washington casually accused the movie’s producers in the Guardian article of lacking the courage to include the scene in the film, director Ridley Scott took to Variety, and attempted to erase the fact that the kiss even happened.

“No, that’s bullshit,” Scott told me Monday night at the “Gladiator II” premiere in Hollywood. He later added, “They never did. They acted the moment — it didn’t happen.” — Variety

The layers of paranioa and erasure over something that didn’t even ultimately make it into a film is simply dizzying, nauseating.

The Guardian goes on to report:

Mainstream films regularly trim scenes featuring LGBTQ+ content either wholesale or in international cuts, to avoid being censored in less tolerant countries.

A brief same-sex kiss in Toy Story spin-off Lightyear led to the film being banned in the United Arab Emirates, Kuwait and Malaysia, while Barbie was outlawed in Kuwait and Lebanon after it was accused of “promoting homosexuality and sexual transformation.”

The Guardian talks about direct censorship, meaning banning the distribution of finished content. Self-censorship is only revealed when actors like Washington speak out. How much queer-themed content is currently moving towards the back of production lists instead of to the front, in the climate we find ourselves in? It is not something we can measure. How about writers who no longer find the market favorable for queer content? Who are afraid of the fight, still painfully, obviously necessary to get queer projects and content over the finish line? Like, one kiss in one mainstream movie?

Police intimidation

On May 2nd, 2025, a join task force of police, fire, and compliance agents in uniform stormed into the queer bar P*Town in Pittsburgh. They forced all patrons outside into the rain for a half hour while they performed their inspection. Their Mayor made a statement that states that an anonymous tip about compliance is all it takes to trigger such a raid on a local bar. They of course deny the targeting of LGBTQ people at this time, but it will be interesting to find out what kind of facts come out in the coming days. This is reminicsent of raids in Seattle in 2024. And, of course, the 1960s and 1970s. And modern day Russia.

Discrimination sanctioned by the Supreme Court

Our current administration has already begun to dismiss military service members from their careers on the basis that gender dysphoria is a disqualifying medical diagnosis. The Supreme Court is protecting and upholding their work. There isn’t any other way to describe this other than employment discrimination.

Logic-minded people are pointing out that gender dysphoria is not disabling medical condition, and cannot hamper anyone’s ability to work. But logic not being a part of the original equation, logic cannot penetrate the rationale, the process, nor correct what is happening to thousands of trans people being unjustly terminated from their careers.

The Supreme Court has already upheld state’s rights to ban medical care for transgender teens this year. I’m curious what will happen if Oklahoma manages to outlaw pornography. I can easily imagine them upholding that. This ties into the claims that Seattle police were investigating reports of indecent clothing in the gay bars it raided in 2024. Claims that queer culture itself is “indecent” is but one rallying cry of anti-LGBTQ crusaders. It’s all connected in their greater strategy.

Resurgence of LGB politics

As a result, we are definitely in a space where transgender people are being thrown under the bus in the name of the protection and progress of LGB people. This is also reminiscent of the experiences of those participating in civil unrest in the 1960s. Silvia Rivera was often jeered and attempts made at silencing her, with ugly claims that queer liberation would be impossible with transgender people along for the ride, on account of how disgusting society in general regards us.

I took this picture in Adelaide, Australia in 2023 when I joined a group of trans advocates who were protesting a rally by anti-trans activist Posie Parker. These people were forming a protective ring around her, and jeering back at us. Some twirled their fingers at their temple, signaling to us our mental illness. Others tried to mime disgust. Someone had made a homemade tee shirt with something like “JK was right” scrawled on it in sharpie.

The racist, eugenicist flavor overlaying these related movements all over the world should not be glossed over. It might be tempting to separate them. But it is more accurate to see them as a united, global movement of hate. As such, the fates and fights of queer people are likewise inextricable from all oppressed minorities around the globe. No one is free until we are all free.

Right now, it feels hard to see anything but a terrifying slide back into 1960s America, or further — 1930s Europe. Culturally, the conversation about justice has evolved since then, but what kind of structural change has actually been made? Legislatively, not much. 12 states still have anti-LGBTQ laws on the books, such as anti-sodomy laws or laws against “crimes against nature.” It is easy to picture the current Supreme Court upholding these today, if brought to question. It is telling that decades of advocacy has been unsucessful in taking these laws down. And we have still never been able to pass an Equal Rights Amendment.

Queer and trans rights won’t be codified into American law any time soon. In my lifetime? I have my doubts. In the meantime, we are used to creating our own mutual aid networks, banding together for relative safety, and sharing our stories of discrimination. What else can we do? Ultimately, no one will protect us, but us.

I want to admit that I completely lost track of time. I thought it had only been about 2 weeks since my last Substack post. In reality, it’s been a month! If you know anything about me at all, you have safely assumed that I have been busy. But I do want to renew my intention — if mostly to myself — to put this back on track as a weekly newsletter.

In the meantime, I’ve been truly having a wonderful, creative and productive time. I wrote my last few Substack posts in a burst of pent-up article ideas that had been brewing for some time. I was actually recovering from surgery, at the time. I don’t think I mentioned this in any of the articles from March and April, because they felt like pieces that I wanted to stand on their own, in a neat little box. Meanwhile, those not on social media may be a bit confused as to what exactly has been happening with me, lately.

We had our wonderful and colorful celebration of my little brother’s life at the end of January — I wrote about that at the time. I continued to have time off work after that, as I had some struggles with anxiety and overfull feelings continuing into February. I have never seen myself as much of an anxious person. But when I described a few panic attacks and random bursting into tears to my primary care person, she very smartly prescribed my some hydroxyzine, and kept me off work for another month. Hydroxyzine is kind of my new favorite thing. I especially like to take one before a presentation or interview. Chemically, it is related to benadryl, but even safer. To me, it feels like the relaxing part of a beer, with none of the awful side effects of alcohol. And it smooths out my frustration and anger. In fact, I am beginning to wonder if anger is simply how my anxiety comes out into the world.

On that note, she also suggested I try the herbal supplement passion flower, which I also love. It just mellows out my day. You can find it at health food stores like Sprouts in a tincture, tea, or capsule. I extremely recommend trying it for anxiety or sleep. Both passion flower and hydroxyzine are super safe and completely non-addictive.

In early March, Mike at Red Sky Comics and I launched our first Central Valley ‘Zine Fest. I had an incredible time creating this poster for the event, which I am super proud of. The event went GREAT, according to our 12 participants who, to a person, said they had a great time, and sales they were very happy with!

And I finished up my latest ‘zine, pictured above (A Brief History of the Queer Politics of Merced). This had also definitely been brewing for years! You can grab a copy from my website, elisachse.com. Oh yeah, I also created a whole new website for myself in the past month, which is now capable of selling my ‘zines, prints and stickers. Local folks can choose to pay online and pick up at Red Sky Comics, where casual shoppers can also stumble across a few of my titles. And those that are allergic to social media can browse my latest pictures and updates from Instagram on my website from the security of your favorite browser (although, Firefox doesn’t seem to work well for me on that — but most others seem to work).

Mike wants to another ‘zine fest this year, making it a twice-yearly event. I, however, don’t think I can commit to that idea, not without a few more organizing partners ...

With passion flower and hydroxyzine on board, I went back to work for a few weeks in March. But I was out again for a surgery in mid-March. Basically, when I had “bottom surgery” (metoidioplasty with urethral lengthening) in 2018, the Kaiser surgical team did not do things correctly. I say this now with the clarity of hindsight, and also the affirmation given to me by my new surgeon after he looked at the surgical report from that time. The new section of my urethra had been created too narrow, which also got worse over time. To be honest, it had been uncomfortable to pee since 2018. And this stinging sensation got worse over time. Then, in 2024, my kidney labs went wacky, and this was the signal that I couldn’t wait any longer on finding a capable surgeon to correct what had happened. I researched the wonderful Dr. Mang Chen based in San Francisco, who I had only heard wonderful things about over the decade he has been performing these procedures. He widened my urethra, and incidentally fixed two holes (fistulae) that he also found, which the original surgeons had been unable to fix.

Complications from these relatively new procedures are, unfortunately, not rare. However, with practice and experience, transgender patient outcomes are improving everyday. Mine included. What a relief to be able to pee normally again.

Recovering from surgery at my parents’ house, I had loads of time to write, draw and read. I read some incredible books including Everything is Tuberculosis, After Gaza by Pankaj Mishra, and the psychedelic Paul Celan and the Trans-Tibetan Angel. All excellent. I also mapped out my buddhist pilgrimage across China. More on that as it evolves. And over the course of the last couple of months, I finished writing my expansion of Next Level Ally.

Last fall, Microcosm Publishing approached me to ask if I was interested in expanding that ‘zine into a full-length book. I didn’t have to deliberate long. I was honored. And soon, I’ll have a full-length book to my name. I sent off my draft last week. So, you’ll excuse my absence this month, as I was clacking away at my keyboard for pretty much the entirety of April and into May, with that one, singular purpose!

And here we are, in the latter half of May. I have to say that a couple of other books really helped me put my creative energies into better focus this year, so far. First, Intelligent Change’s Life Designer journal was a truly wonderful set of exercises that help point out self-limiting thoughts and behaviors, so you can course correct. And I have to say I’m among the many who loved Rick Rubin’s book on creativity that you can now find in most stores, kind of everywhere. It is really something unique and special. One huge takeaway for me was the concept that if you feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day for all your projects, it isn’t the sun or society to blame. What it means is that I have an UNHARMONIOUS relationship with TIME itself. Coming into acceptance and harmony with the actual passage of time has been a really expanding concept for me, as I have spent many years shaking my fist at the clock and workweek, blaming everything but myself for sucking away my creative energy — including the non-sentient concepts and the turning of the earth itself!

And so I truly find myself in a wonderfully creative period, and I think many factors went into this. At the end of it, I’m just grateful. I’m also making great work on my queer characters in sci-fi trading card set, and sketching and drawing more than I have in a very long time. AND I delivered 4 paintings to the MAC in Merced to be a part of the Community Spirit Exhibit, curated again by the wonderful Katt.

Nothing but gratitude.

It's actually incredibly simple. A Gallup poll from this year states 54% of all Americans are ready to do away with switching our time back and forth. No one likes the sensation of dragging themselves out of bed at a truly unholy hour for the first week or two of the biannual lunacy. Most countries around the world don't do it, including nearly all of Africa, Asia, South America, and half of Australia. In fact, in 2018, roughly 60% of Californians voted to "ditch the switch."

So why hasn't it happened?

The legislation was written wrong

Problem here in California is, as a very smart lawyer patiently explained on Capital Public Radio last month, the legislation we were voting on was written incorrectly.

You read that right. We voted on a thing that just didn't work. So basically, we used our enormous, costly, lengthy election process to simply express our opinion. Something anyone can do with a free change.org petition.

As explained by Leslie Gielow Jacobs, Anthony Kennedy professor of law at McGeorge School of Law, the 2018 California legislation was written in a way that DEPENDED on Congress to act first. Which of course, it hasn't. In fact, Congress just so happens to have debated the subject yesterday — seven years later — with the all the willful ignorance of scientific evidence in favor of corporate interests that we have come to expect from them.

The science is there: daylight saving time is harmful

Multiple studies show that disrupting our circadian rhythm twice a year is bad for people's health, increases stress hormones, miscarriages and heart attacks, and leads to more fatal car crashes, workplace injury and medical errors.

"It is, therefore, the position of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine that these seasonal time changes should be abolished in favour of a fixed, national, year-round standard time."

Dr. David Harkey, Insurance Institute for Highway Safety testified in front of Congress yesterday that "The clearest takeaway from this research is that there is a strong relationship between increased darkness and fatal crashes, particularly for pedestrians and bicyclists."

So what's Congress's problem

Golf. Literally, Jay Karen of the National Golf Course Owners Association got to testify in front of Congress to state that "Golf thrives on what we call recreational daylight, the overlap of sunlight and people's availability to be outdoors."

Senator Ted Cruz amplified her lobbying effort by stating the situation as such:

"It's a question of what do you care about more, sunshine and joy and fun and money, or health, mental health, physical health? And the honest answer for most people is, gosh, I care about all that stuff. So that's not an easy trade-off."

Really? Most people care a lot more about golf than their health?

This kind of debate, which willfully ignores research in favor of the corporate status quo, and demands equal time be given to business interests that fly in the face of truth (what they call "fairness" in reporting) is just one reason why our government is ineffective to the point of killing people.

The answer is actually profoundly simple

Part of the ‘debate’ that lobbyists and their congressional buddies use to obfuscate the truth is the fact that most people have not thought about which time to settle on. Do we stick with daylight saving time, or standard time? Polls are uneven and inconclusive. But that isn't because people don't want to stop the madness of switching. They just have no idea which one to settle on.

That was another part of why the 2018 California legislation was broken. It depended on a separate process to decide which time to settle on. Which, of course, never happened.

If it had been written to say that California decides to follow the examples of Arizona and Hawaii, who stick to standard time permanently, the change would already have been in effect for us.

Yes, Arizona and Hawaii already stick to standard time

I just also need to point out here that the idea that daylight saving is "good for the farmers" is a complete myth, according to historians on the subject. Furthermore, we easily can look to the short history of daylight saving in the US for more shockingly clear evidence for simply ending the practice and sticking with standard time, like Arizona and Hawaii opted to do in the 1960s.

Basically, the US government introduced daylight saving in 1918, in order to extend working hours as a wartime necessity. Some states adopted it, some didn't. Then, President Johnson in the 1960s made the practice more standard across the country, but with Arizona and Hawaii still opting out. In fact, as alluded to before, that legislation still stands, including the option for all states to opt out of daylight saving time. But our governments are too inept to simply do so.

In the 1970s, Nixon made an attempt to make daylight saving time permanent: no more switching. But Americans soon found during the winter of 1974 that permanent daylight saving is not the answer, as it makes the winter mornings intolerably long and dark. President Ford then re-implemented the biannual change.

Standard time so clearly answer, it is just stunning

Standard time is better in winter. Not switching back and forth is better for our health and safety. Arizona, Hawaii and the rest of the world already stick to standard time. Here in California, we could, legally, implement permanent standard time, right now.

There is literally no barrier, except for our murderously inept government.

Let’s not wait for Congress

Let’s remind California legistlators with this petition that we can, right now, adopt permanent standard time. We want this because science shows it benefits everyone’s health and wellbeing. And we don’t want to wait for congressmen with golf subscriptions, yachts and lobbying money to make the right choice for us.

Sign the petition

I am only just beginning to dip my toes into the world of online content creation, so I am by no means an expert on it in general. However, what I have been paying attention to over the years is the ethics of tech companies, especially in regards to how they use and exploit art and artists.

If you’re interested in questions of authorship, patronage, and ethics, like I am, I invite you to read on as I piece apart the current landscape of content hosting platforms and all the various ways they profit off of creators.

Social media — algorithmic

There are social media platforms that offer algorithmic suggestions for content it thinks you might like. Meta (Facebook and Instagram), Twitter, Youtube (owned by Google), Tiktok, Medium, Substack and others do this. By suggesting similar content, users of these platforms can “discover” new creators to follow and interact with, creators’ followings can grow, and certain content can end up spreading “virally.” Most of these platforms also have some kind of monetization feature by which popular creators get paid for their content. The first and most familiar ones in the list make money by selling advertising space, and selling your personal information and browsing habits to third parties, including using your content to train AI.

Medium makes money from a mixture of ad sales and reader subscriptions: you subscribe to the Medium site itself, and then Medium distributes payments to content creators based on the popularity of their content.

Substack makes it’s money by taking 10% of each individual creators’ paid subscription revenue.

Algorithmic suggestions of content helps readers find new content, and helps creators grow an audience.

Social media — without the algorithm

There are social media platforms that do not offer algorithmic suggestions, like Patreon and Cara. These basically require content creators to already have, or to actively build their following by means other than their Patreon and Cara accounts. In other words, fans have to perform a direct search for you, or be linked from somewhere else, in order to begin following you on Patreon or Cara. There is no way for users to “discover” new creators by browsing these platforms.

Patreon offers creators a platform to monetize content by way of subscriptions. Patreon then takes a percentage of these fees to run it’s business.

Cara is crowd-funded at this point. It is geared toward visual artists, and was founded on the guarantee that they will never sell your art for AI training purposes.

Content subscription hosting

Blogger, Buttondown and Ghost are entities that are positioning themselves as alternatives to Substack amid the recent controversy regarding Substack’s creators aligning themselves with Zuckerberg and Musk, and dragging their heels on removing literal Nazi content from their site.

Blogger is owned by Google. Content creators using Blogger can get paid by running ads via Google. Google is not an ethical entity, therefore I would never touch this product with a ten-foot pole.

Buttondown and Ghost offer content subscription services, but it’s the creator who pays a monthly fee for the service. With the content hosting platforms discussed earlier, the creator does not have to invest capital in order to begin sharing. In contrast, for a monthly fee, Buttondown offers a newsletter service, subscription payments and analytics similar to Substack, but without the algorithmic social media interaction features.

Ghost offers the same, but with the added features of webhosting, and of being open source — and thus never at the mercy of a profit-hungry board.

The ongoing discussion

So, Substack is a little unique in the bunch in that, right now, it is the only entity offering a social (interactive, where users can like, comment and share), algorithmic platform whereby new creators can build a following, receive subscription fees, publish ad-free content, generate an email newsletter, and view certain performance metrics.

As stated, there are lots of folks right now who cannot abide the recent statements by Substack’s founders praising Zuck and Musk, and being dilatory on removing Nazi content. They argue that they don’t want their content appearing on a site alongside Nazi content, or supporting a company that praises fascist thieves.

I mean, yeah, I get that. But also; the people running our government right now are literally racist fascists. If I had the chance to appear on PBS News Hour tomorrow, I would run the risk of appearing alongside the Nazi salute.

This is not something we can escape — anywhere in the current landscape of publishing and journalism.

I mean, we can create our own islands, for sure. I think if I were able to and wanting to create my own media island, I’d go to Ghost, for sure.

However, I am no where near that, or even working towards that, really. Personally, I started a Patreon account 3 or 4 years ago. My most hardcore of fans who knew me in real-life, and one or two who found me via social media, became my subscribers there. But in 3-4 years, that list has not grown an inch.

So, I started a Substack only about two months ago. I doubled my paid following.

Being that I have under 50 paid supporters at this point, this is not some kind of huge boast. Quite the opposite. I am the absolute definition of a small fish, here. But personally, I am very happy building my little piece of the internet slower than a snails’ pace, right now. Buttondown and Ghost only make sense for people with over 1,000 or more paid followers, as evidenced by their own cost comparisons to Substack on their own websites.

So, I am going to keep using Instagram and Substack. They provide me exposure to new fans, for free. Neither are particularly ethical companies. Meta is an unethical company. Substack hasn’t shown it’s full hand yet, I think. But I also don’t provide them much in the way of monetizable content, either. I am literally using them in the same way they are using me.

Maybe there will come a time when I have a following that could sustain me creating a little platform on Ghost of my own. But I’m just not that kind of content creator, right now. Right now, I’m sticking to this newsletter, which is about all I can accomplish at the moment, in between writing my book for Microcosm Publishing, full time work, and tabling at ‘zinefests and selling prints for funsies. Which reminds me, I still haven’t posted about our first annual Central Valley ‘Zinefest! Which was incredible.

But for now, I will continue to use these platforms to my advantage, and to spread radical, militant transgender ideology (as the administration terms it) as far and as wide as humanly possible. And I think that’s an appropriate protest.

Message me directly if you would like to own my newest print, below. I’m really happy with the way they turned out, printed by California-based Lumaprints. I sold quite a few prints and ‘zines at our fest a few weeks ago! We will definitely be holding another, at some point. Stay tuned.

I don't think I have to closely detail the unethical labor practices and myriad other reasons for boycotting Amazon — other people are doing that. Though, I'll quickly mention the recent announcement by Bezos that The Washington Post will no longer value journalistic integrity. Talk about wild. These billionaire CEOs cum media moguls are evil in it's purest form. We cannot keep feeding them.

I remember feeling like it would be impossible to pull the plug on Amazon completely a decade ago. There were some things that I just had no idea how to get elsewhere. One example was simple stereo components and electronics equipment. Being Gen X, I was used to going to a physical Radio Shack store for these kinds of things back in the day. But once those closed, I had no idea where to get electronics stuff locally. I believe I was living in Merced when the Radio Shack in the Merced Mall closed, and there was not yet a Best Buy (I'm pretty sure).

At that time, I remember not being able to find an RCA cable to connect the DVD player to the TV (outdated items I know, but just giving historical background) anywhere locally. Nowadays, it seems that both Target and Walmart now carry components like this, but there was a dark shoulder period between the time the Radio Shack closed, and when these things became available at brick-and-mortal retails stores locally, again. At least in my rural area.

I already knew Amazon and Bezos were evil. But where to get that stuff that just wasn't/isn't available in your corner of rural America? Well, over many years of researching and trial and error, I've found all of my personal alternatives, and I'm happy to report I've had zero desire to return to Amazon for anything in the last 5 years (since the Loki horns).

TO BE CLEAR, buy local, if you have local options. But for those things you just don't have access to in your community, here are a dozen alternatives that I use.

1) Adorama — Electronics, stereo equipment, cameras, and video equipment

Adorama has pretty much everything you will ever need in the camera, stereo and electronics department. This NYC-based store does have a brick-and-mortar presence in Manhattan, but also ships nationwide with free shipping on orders over $50, and has very excellent customer service, to boot. I do not buy electronics from anywhere else, this store honestly has me completely covered. Highly recommended.

2) Show Me Cables — Electronic components

Show Me Cables can get you all the things you would have gotten at ye olde Radio Shack — cables, connectors, adapters — you get the idea. This US-based company has always come through for me, for years.

3) Barnes and Noble — New books, music, and movies

Sadly, my little town has no store for new books at all right now. We have a very groovy independent second-hand book store. But for new books, we have to travel far, or go online. So to buy new books, music and movies online, I've been going to Barnes and Noble. We used to have a brick and mortar Barnes and Noble in town, which made it so that I could order stuff online, pick it up in store, and avoid paying for shipping. But that store tragically (for us) closed last year. I'm not seeing anything online that is negative about their status ethically. Please correct me if I am missing something, here.

4) Copperfield's Books — New books

I am a bookstore fiend. I suss out local bookstores pretty much all the time, wherever I go. So, for context, I have primarily used Barnes and Noble for the very occasional new book, but mostly for new music and movies. And since I incessantly shop at local bookstores while traveling, I hadn't strongly researched other online alternatives for books until just now. First to mind was Copperfield's, a small chain of book stores based in northern California. I just did a search on their website for the couple of new books I purchased this week (some of which were in-person from City Lights Books in San Francisco, but their website didn't have some books Copperfield's does), and Copperfield's website so far looks like a real winner. I have not personally ordered online from them yet, but would strongly recommend them based on shopping at their stores in-person since I was a teenager (and stood in line with a friend to get Anne Rice's signature on my new copy of Memnoch the Devil).

Caution! Copperfield's lists their used books on a site called AbeBooks, which looks at first glance like an incredibly exciting site to consider. BUT, turns out AbeBooks is owned by Amazon. Argh!

5) Powell's City of Books — New and USED books, notebooks and gifts

Likewise with Powell's, I haven't personally ordered online from them, but they came to mind as a great place to look at. Their website lists both new AND USED books, and also a small selection of notebooks, gifts and games, just like their incredible Portland store. I'd suggest strongly considering shopping here for all your book needs.

6) Atlas Stationers — For fancy pens and papers

Based in Chicago, IL, Atlas stationers offers free shipping on orders over $75 on all your fancy stationary and paper needs. Notebooks, calendars, planners, greeting cards and much more are available on their excellent website. Check here first before Staples.

7) Staples — Office supplies and computer needs

I use Staples for printer paper, toner, laptop battery replacements, and other computer accessory-type things I cannot find on Adorama. I'm not seeing anything online at this moment on the ethics of the company. Again, post a comment to let me know if I'm missing something, here.

I'm not linking directly to the big, corporate stores. Priority to the smaller stores. But for things like a laptop battery or laser printer toner cartridges, I don't personally know where else to go right now but Staples.

8) P.C. Richard and Son — Home appliances big and small

I've only recently discovered this 100+ year old company that was started in Brooklyn. So, I've only bought from them once. But the item came quickly and as expected (washing machine). Pretty sure this is going to be my new go-to for home appliances large and small, TVs, mattresses, grills, patio furniture, and more. Like a replacement for Sears (does Sears still exist? Who cares) and Lowe's.

9) Lowe's

I shopped at Lowe's a lot when I first bought my house 15 years ago. I had one of their credit cards which gave me a good deal on replacing the carpet in the entire house — the cheapest and only way I could afford to do my floors back then. Then 8 years ago, I changed my name and gender. I remember the process of changing my name and gender on the Lowe's card to be very easy, actually with the least weirdness when compared to other companies and entities at the time. I have heard in the intervening years that they have made uneven decisions regarding LGBTQ+ folks, though. And now, they are among the throng of companies dialing back DEI efforts in a show of completely naked cowardice.

That said, Lowe's was the single place I could find a new grate for my fireplace a few years ago (lucky to have an actual fireplace). I tried, but found no other source. I am going to avoid Lowe's as much as I can for now, but there are some things they have that I have not yet found a great alternative for.

10) Target — (?)

Black-led organizations are leading the charge to boycott Target right now, which seems to be making a real dent in Target's side.

I used to fall back onto Target for some camp staples that weren't available locally, like bars, jerky, things like that. Our local Raley's seems to be carrying more of these kinds of things, lately. However, Target usually beats them on price by quite a bit, so I'd continued using Target this year.

So, I haven't put this into practice yet, but I think I am going to also stop shopping at Target. As of, like, now. Coincidentally, my last multi-day camping trip was my bicycle trip over the Pacheco Pass from Merced to Santa Cruz, CA. I had bought a bunch of the aforementioned, basically, junk food, and wasn't very happy with the resulting heartburn (I'm getting old). So, after some thinking and talking about it, I decided that I am going to start taking the time to make my own, healthy camp food. I happen to have a lovely little book on the subject, and have already used it to make my own granola (astonishingly quick and easy to make) and cheese biscuits for the camp/road. Work in progress.

I think if you live in a super rural area, though, Target may be the lesser of the evils as far as ordering staple household items.

11) Costco

Speaking of household staples, Costco is a great and ethical company, from what I understand. They pay a living wage and treat their employees well, by all accounts. It may not be an affordable or accessible option for all; I use it for free because one of my best friends is an employee. But I mention it because some people only think about Costco's brick-and-mortar monstrosities. But they also ship, and sometimes you can get free shipping, depending on the items. If the membership fee is accessible to you, and you have the ability to store bulk items, don't forget about ordering from Costco online.

12) Walmart — When all else fails

Walmart is not an example of an ethical company. But again, in the interest of showing that I am not perfect, I have to admit that I have bought things from Walmart online when all else has failed. I could not for the life of me find the blue pumice stone thing for cleaning the ring in the toilet. Anywhere. And we have super hard water here, and it is just a thing I need. So, I resorted to Walmart for the blue pumice stone, a squeegee for cleaning the shower, rose water and orange blossom water. This was like, last year. Not proud of it, but I still think that buying from Walmart is, at the very least, preferable to buying from Amazon.

But above all, buy local

In closing, LOCAL LOCAL LOCAL. If you live in a place where you have access to buying the things you need for your life and home locally, it's good in so very many dimensions to buy locally. Supporting the livelihoods of your neighbors. Supporting your local government by keeping the taxes local. Reducing packaging, including shipping packaging. Reducing the carbon required to get the things to your area.

But when local fails, first consider the small businesses listed above. Second, consider buying less. Carefully consider what you truly need to thrive. Can you thrift alternatives? Make or create alternatives? Borrow alternatives? Third, consider the bigger chains listed above.

But above all else, avoid Amazon. It's entirely possible. Just takes practice.

In 2021, I had a drink in the Palace Restaurant and Saloon in Prescott, Arizona. A friendly, middle-aged woman in a certain amount of purple sequins and makeup was at the bar and struck up a conversation. COVID was still raging, with most California establishments still closed for in-person business. I had come to Arizona for a respite from all that. I needed some human contact after having worked for the entirely of 2020 as a nurse in an N95, goggles, gown and gloves, isolated at home after work, without a partner, and utterly without social opportunities for the whole year. As an extrovert, I had lost my mind, quit my job, and rode my bicycle to Phoenix, AZ.

My new friend told me that the nearby area was haunted by the souls of hundreds of dead Chinese. As half-Chinese, this caught my attention. She explained that a nearby parking garage had been constructed recently, and that during excavations, graves of Chinese railworkers had been disturbed. She told me that Chinese had come through the area as rail workers after the Gold Rush, but ended up being murdered instead of paid for their labors, and buried in mass graves.

I haven't been able to verify this exact claim by internet research. But what is well chronicled in local papers are racist sentiments about Chinese immigrants. A local newspaper from October 1879 reports "Prescott has about 75 or 80 Chinamen, which is 75 or 80 too many. Now is a good time to get rid of them.”

One Substack writer informally researches a network of tunnels underneath downtown Prescott. Lore about underground networks of tunnels connecting historical Chinatowns exists across our nation, including underneath downtown New York, Portland, San Francisco, and Fresno and Merced, CA. The article goes on to explain how urban development, in the form of widening and extending Goodwin Street across Granite Creek, led to the very literal destruction of Prescott's Chinatown in 1934.

The destruction of Chinese, Black and Hispanic neighborhoods in our country in favor of urban development before 1960 is poorly chronicled. Much of it exists by word-of-mouth only. Like the unmarked Chinese graves in Prescott, I have only heard from people that there was an historically Black neighborhood in downtown Santa Rosa, CA where the 101 freeway now stands (built in 1948).

And that the tunnels that you can access, last I heard, through certain Main Street business establishments in downtown Merced used to connect to a Chinatown just south of Main Street; where the 99 freeway now bisects town, instead.

Some massacres and displacements are chronicled, like the Chinese miner massacre and displacement at Rock Springs, Wyoming in 1885. This closely followed the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 and a decade of rising hate for Chinese immigrants, who were, like today's immigrants, accused of stealing jobs, committing crimes and spreading disease. Another example: The Chinese Massacre of Calle de los Negros in Los Angeles in 1871. The Seattle riot of 1886. Or perhaps the best known; the Tulsa Race Massacre of 1921, where whites destroyed an affluent black neighborhood in a murderous arson spree.

But, I have the feeling that the only notable part about these events are that they were chronicled, at all.

For the majority of immigrants of color in America, unverified stories and unmarked graves are the only history we have.

Please, share the lore about lost neighborhoods of color from YOUR city in the comments, so that we can memorialize this kind of knowledge, before it is lost forever.