<![CDATA[Grown and Flown]]>https://grownandflown.substack.comhttps://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!mvbL!,w_256,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7eda0f74-c098-453f-8f03-f9310efa3008_1280x1280.pngGrown and Flownhttps://grownandflown.substack.comSubstackWed, 04 Nov 2026 03:28:21 GMT<![CDATA[14 things parents do that teens (secretly) love]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/14-things-parents-do-that-teens-secretly-a0ehttps://grownandflown.substack.com/p/14-things-parents-do-that-teens-secretly-a0eTue, 03 Nov 2026 15:03:13 GMTParenting teens can sometimes feel like a thankless job with eye rolls, closed doors, and minimal conversation. But even if they don’t say it, many teens quietly appreciate the small, steady ways their parents show up for them. Here are the top things parents do that teens (secretly) love:

  • Showing up (at games, recitals, events) really matters because teens feel seen and supported.

  • Giving them space and respect (alone time, privacy) is a quiet act of trust they value.

  • Small, thoughtful gestures (a note, a surprise treat) can shift the whole tone of the day.

  • Having one‑on‑one time and deep conversations helps teens feel like individuals, not just part of the family unit.

Read the full list and find out what else your teen might be quietly grateful for.

We’ve rounded up our favorite Advent Calendars for teens and college students this year. They’re a fun way to bring back the magic of the holidays for kids who swear they’re too old for it (they’re not). Your teen will get a little surprise each day leading up to Christmas, making every day in December feel extra special.

When I was in college in the early ’90s, I worked at a summer camp where well-meaning counselors saw it as our job to encourage campers to be brave and to try new things. We cheered. We encouraged. And if I’m being honest, sometimes, we pressured — maybe even low-key bullied.

Is it really brave when you’re just giving in to peer pressure? While it’s true that getting outside one’s comfort zone is crucial for growth and self-confidence, there’s also something to be said for being confident and brave enough to say, “No. This isn’t for me. It isn’t something I want to do right now.” We need to let our teens know that it’s okay to just say ‘NO.’

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]]><![CDATA[My son doesn’t have a college education, but has his dream job]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/my-son-doesnt-have-a-college-educationhttps://grownandflown.substack.com/p/my-son-doesnt-have-a-college-educationTue, 27 Oct 2026 14:01:23 GMTMy son struggled in school for so long. He had trouble sitting still, talked a lot about being bored, and wasn’t able to focus for long periods of time. But when he was working, my son was in his element. It didn’t take long for us to realize that he’d need to do the kind of work that didn’t require sitting at a desk all day. He started working as a plumber over three years ago. We all thought it was a no-brainer: a way to earn money and learn a trade. He’s over the moon about the financial freedom he now has and the fact he can afford his trucks, insurance, gas, food, and gym membership on his own. My son may not have a college education but he has his dream job.

Looking for inspiration for less expensive gifts for your family and friends? Take a look at our Holiday Gift Guide, filled with wonderful presents under $25 that would also be perfect for birthday or Secret Santa gifting.

This, my friends, is a cautionary tale. I share it with the intent of helping others survive circumstances that I swore some days would be my undoing. I suffered in silence for the better part of a year because, you see, I let my son take charge of the entire college application process. And it almost sent me over the edge. He applied to college without my help. But unfortunately, my naiveté made me overlook two crucial points: 1) At 16, his brain was not fully formed, and 2) At 16, he was pretty sure he was smarter than everyone around him (solid proof of #1), which really made me the idiot in this whole scenario.

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]]><![CDATA[My teens began to change their behavior when I did this]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/my-teens-began-to-change-their-behavior-71chttps://grownandflown.substack.com/p/my-teens-began-to-change-their-behavior-71cWed, 21 Oct 2026 14:01:12 GMTI am often stymied by how to get my teens to behave in the ways I would like them to. I talk to them incessantly about healthy behaviors, but it often feels like the messages I’m trying to convey bounce off them. As my teens have gotten older, I’ve noticed they do much more of what I do. I will never tell them I’ve noticed their behavior because that would undoubtedly ruin things, but I see how effective setting an example for my kids is. My teens began to change when I stopped talking and did this instead.

Turning 18 is a big milestone and finding a gift that’s both meaningful and useful can feel harder than it should. Whether you’re shopping for something trendy they’ll actually want or something practical they can use in a dorm or new job, this guide has ideas that hit every style and budget. Here are the best gifts for 18-year-olds.

It happened again; my daughter was in her room, upset about something, and I had a feeling it was another friend situation. Turns out some of her friends had a sleepover, and she wasn’t invited. “I don’t care,” she said. But obviously, she did care because it’s normal to feel left out when your friends do something without you. Teenage girls are all navigating relationships and it’s our job, as their moms, to help them find their way without hurting other young women as they figure it out. I am teaching my teens that you don’t need a ton of friends. True friends are rare and it’s okay if you only have a few of them.

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]]><![CDATA[10 raw truths about parenting nobody warned me about]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/10-raw-truths-about-parenting-nobodyhttps://grownandflown.substack.com/p/10-raw-truths-about-parenting-nobodyTue, 13 Oct 2026 14:04:05 GMTYesterday I found myself sitting in my car in the school parking lot, enjoying the beautiful sound of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. No arguments about homework. No complaints about what’s for dinner. Just blissful silence. Fellow parents of teenagers, I see you nodding. After 17 years of parenting, here are the raw truths nobody warned me about:

  • You will become incredibly stupid overnight: One day, your child thinks you’re the smartest person alive, and the next day you apparently know NOTHING about ANYTHING.

  • Their phone is surgically attached to their hand: When I suggested a phone-free dinner, you’d think I’d proposed we start eating rocks.

  • Every conversation becomes a negotiation: “Be home by 10” somehow translates to “Begin a 45-minute debate about why 11:30 is actually a much more reasonable time.”

Read the full list of raw truths nobody warns you about when raising teens.

Where is the line between quitting and stopping, and who gets to decide? To me, “quitting” is a negative word, conjuring failure and defeat. “Quitters never win, winners never quit,” right? I want to raise a son who doesn’t let distress keep him from tackling a challenge. Who sets goals — personal, academic, professional — and meets them. But isn’t childhood a chance to try out new activities? He hadn’t known what track entailed. Was insisting he continues teaching him to tamp down his feelings?

When your teen lumbers into the family room on Christmas morning, takes their stocking down from the mantle, and looks inside, you might glimpse their little kid self. We’ve searched far and wide to find things we think they will love including award-winners and best-sellers. Here are 100+ stocking stuffer ideas for teens.

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]]><![CDATA[See why this mom says that she is ‘cringey’]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/see-why-this-mom-says-that-she-ishttps://grownandflown.substack.com/p/see-why-this-mom-says-that-she-isMon, 05 Oct 2026 14:01:02 GMTI recently googled ‘cringey,’ and here is what I found – ‘causing feelings of acute embarrassment or awkwardness.’ Is it cringey that I looked it up? Probably! So, what about me is cringey, aside from googling it, you may ask? Other than the fact that I breathe, here are a few from the cringey hall of fame – offering a coat on a -20-degree day, asking him where he is going, reminding him of his curfew or suggesting he go to bed early because he seemed so tired that morning – teens just love suggestions – and of course, breathing, but I think I already mentioned that.

If you are a parent of a teenager, you know all too well the transition that happens; they go from running circles around you to sleeping until noon and napping throughout the day. I responded to my son’s laziness by giving him more chores. I was fighting a fight I was never going to win. The more I wanted him to come to life, the more exhausted he became. Then, I noticed something happened: When I stopped bugging him and let him have as much time to sleep, relax, and do nothing, he started doing less of it. The best thing I did was to let my son relax as much as he wanted. This is why you should let teens have lots of downtime.

Amazon Prime Deal Days are Oct 6-7. We've found some amazing early Prime Day deals that we want to share with you. We look for the best discounts on quality products. And, it’s not too early to shop for the holidays, stock up on stocking stuffers or look for discounted books, which always make a great gift. We will continue to add to this list throughout Amazon Big Deal Prime Days, so check back often!

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Reduce stress with a clear plan for each semester (grades 9–12) to help your teen find colleges that are an academic, social, and financial fit.

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]]><![CDATA[5 signs you’re accidentally applying to college for your teen]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/5-signs-youre-accidentally-applyinghttps://grownandflown.substack.com/p/5-signs-youre-accidentally-applyingTue, 29 Sep 2026 14:03:46 GMTMost families find college admissions daunting. And I’m the first to admit that many students drop the ball at least once during the process, like forgetting to send their scores or missing an interview. With such high stakes, many parents manage their anxiety by taking over. But this is usually a mistake. If you have a teen applying, here are some common errors to avoid:

  • You refer to your child’s college list using first-person plural: Parents frequently refer to “our college list.” Instead of authoring their list, discuss their choices, be open about finances, and help them feel good about every school they’re considering.

  • You rewrite entire sentences in their essays: In the age of AI, it is more important than ever not to write your teen’s essay. For one, parents (and AI) tend to be more confident (“I am an amazing leader!”) than the average teenager, many of whom shy away from self-promotion.

  • You’re pushing for essay topics from childhood: This can add to the inclination to recommend dated essay topics: They were the 8th-grade graduation speaker! They loved LEGOs! Big picture, refrain from pushing for the topic you want.

Read the full list of mistakes to avoid here.

My wife and I have been dragging our three daughters — now 15, 18 and 20 — on adventures for most of their lives. It was never about spending a lot of money, it was the time spent together. I know family travel can be expensive, and I don’t take for granted that we’ve been able to do it. But, looking back, some of the best money we spent wasn’t on things. It was on experiences that gave us time together, stories to tell and challenges to work through as a family. At home, everyone has somewhere to be. School. Work. Sports. Friends. Activities. Bedrooms with closed doors. Then you land somewhere unfamiliar and suddenly everyone is on the same team again. This is what travel did for our family.

Winter boots are a must-have for teens living in cold and snowy climates. We asked our Grown and Flown Parents community to tell us which brands their teens and college students love to wear for both fashion and to stay warm and dry. Here are the top 15 favorite boots for teen girls and college students.

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]]><![CDATA[100 essential life skills teens need to learn at home]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/100-essential-life-skills-teens-need-c83https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/100-essential-life-skills-teens-need-c83Tue, 22 Sep 2026 14:02:16 GMTDo you ever wonder if you’ve taught your teens enough life skills to go out into the real world and succeed? School fills them with facts and numbers, history, math, writing skills, and the sciences. But for a generation brought up on their cell phones, here are 100 of the most common life skills teens and college students need but don’t always possess. While they are still home, we can help them by teaching them the following life skills:

1. How to say “no” to peers

2. How to set and manage a goal, with a timetable and milestones

3. How to communicate with and get to know professors and teaching assistants

4. How to manage time with a calendar

5. How to read a bank statement and monitor an account balance

6. How to create a lifelong habit and plan for saving money

7. How to use ride-sharing services safely

8. How to make a phone call rather than texting (some things require a real conversation)

9. How to understand, improve, and maintain your credit score

10. Mail a package

This is just the top ten; read the full list of 100 skills here.

As parents, we all have expectations of what we want for our children. However, my expectations no longer correlated with my child’s reality. This, as a parent, can be tough. It took me a while to accept and adjust to something different than I had envisioned. I needed to come to terms with what my son was going through. I had to face reality that what was best for my son’s well-being no longer aligned with my idea of what his high school experience “should be.” As his mother, I had come to a crossroads of doing what was in my child’s best interest instead of what I thought should be done. My son thrived in high school AFTER I let go of my expectations for him.

Board games are back! They have become surprisingly popular with our screen-obsessed teens, making a great holiday or birthday gift. Playing board games is a perfect bonding activity and will give your teen a reprieve from schoolwork and a computer screen. Game playing can also teach them to compete and collaborate, but most of all, playing games is just fun. Here are 36 popular board games for teens and adults.

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]]><![CDATA[10 best pieces of advice from a college admissions expert]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/10-best-pieces-of-advice-from-a-collegehttps://grownandflown.substack.com/p/10-best-pieces-of-advice-from-a-collegeTue, 15 Sep 2026 14:03:13 GMTNow that the students I was working with last year have all moved on to their freshman year of college, I went back to see what we could apply going forward for this year’s cycle. As an admissions professional, here is my college admissions advice:

  • Go Deep in Things You Love: Focus on what genuinely excites you and pursue it deeply through academics and activities.

  • Be Realistic: Understand where you will thrive and build a college list that aligns with your strengths, interests, and personality.

  • Understand and Play to Your Strengths: Recognize how you learn best and use your natural strengths to succeed both academically and personally.

  • Let Your Talent Shine: Showcase your unique talents and explain how they shape your perspective and how you’ll contribute to the college community.

Read the full list here.

It’s hard to tell your teens what you REALLY think of their new heartthrob. I’ve learned it’s best to stay a bit more neutral. Of course, I’ll always voice my opinion if I have a strong one — I’m not about to sit back and watch a partner mistreat my children. I don’t have to come on too strong, too fast. I will, however, continue to remind my kids that their happiness is the most important thing to me. It can feel impossible not to say how we feel about our kids’ boyfriends or girlfriends, but I’ve learned my lesson. Zipping your lips and letting life unfold as it will is usually the best for everyone.

If you’re struggling to keep up with the trends that seem to change at lightning speed, we get it, and you’re not alone. We researched hundreds of products to find the 43 best gifts for teen girls based on current trends and what our Grown and Flown community tells us their daughters love.

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Reduce stress with a clear plan for each semester (grades 9–12) to help your teen find colleges that are an academic, social, and financial fit.

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]]><![CDATA[Best Advent Calendars for Teens]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/the-pill-your-teen-thinks-is-adderallhttps://grownandflown.substack.com/p/the-pill-your-teen-thinks-is-adderallTue, 08 Sep 2026 14:01:56 GMTHere’s what almost no parent knows: Teenagers are using drugs at close to the lowest rates recorded in decades. They’re also dying at rates far above where they sat before the pandemic. Adolescent drug use hasn’t become more common. It’s become more lethal. From 2020 through 2024, fentanyl was involved in three of every four overdose deaths among Americans aged 10 to 19. Counterfeit pressed pills are why. These are fake medications built to look identical to real ones. Oxycodone, Xa​​nax, Adderall, Percocet, matched to the color, shape, and imprint of the genuine article. Any young person who’s ever swallowed a pill that didn’t come from a pharmacist is in danger. So the conversation has to happen before anything does. Here’s what you need to know and how to talk to your teen.

As my son approached his sophomore year, he was eligible to take an AP US History class. Though his marks were slightly below what was required, his teachers recommended him for it. When I discussed the curriculum with his guidance counselor, she told me that he’d be challenged, that he’d have a crushing amount of homework and that he’d likely spend hours a night studying for this class. With college looming, I worried that if I didn’t push my son into the class, his transcript would suffer.

Somehow, parents have been programmed to believe that harder is better and overwhelming stress is a necessary part of the high school experience. Sometimes, it really is okay to take a step back and realize that your kid might not need to be pushed academically. I regret allowing my teen to enroll in Advanced Placement classes.

Bring back the magic of the holidays with these fun Advent calendars for your teen. They’re exciting because your teen will get a little surprise each day leading up to Christmas. Based on previous years, many of these sell out so don’t wait if you see something you think they would LOVE.

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Reduce stress with a clear plan for each semester (grades 9–12) to help your teen find colleges that are an academic, social, and financial fit.

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]]><![CDATA[Penn Dean of Admissions: College Admissions Are WAY Different Now]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/penn-dean-of-admissions-college-admissionshttps://grownandflown.substack.com/p/penn-dean-of-admissions-college-admissionsTue, 01 Sep 2026 14:03:31 GMTIf you’re raising a teenager, you’re probably being reminded over and over again that you’re uncool, out of touch, and seriously uninformed. I mean, how could you not know about _____________? [Insert Eye Roll]. I’m sorry to tell you that they might be right. At least, they’re right when it comes to most things related to college admissions. If you went to college, especially the kind of school (or the specific school) to which your kid wants to apply, there is probably little left from your experience that will hold up as real in the current college application and admissions process.

The college admissions process you remember isn’t the one your child is experiencing. And it’s rough out there. Today’s applicants are surrounded and besieged. They’re in a giant swirl of school information, rankings, chat rooms, social media, and admissions influencers. The advice coming at them might feel directive, urgent, and contradictory.

Your opportunity is the relationship you have with your child. Help your child ask probing questions so they can securely navigate the choices they will make. Help them ask “does this make sense?” when advice they receive challenges their direction. What are the credentials of the source? What is the motivation of the source? How does that advice feel? You can hold a space of stability, consistency, and security. You still might not be cool. But you just might be in touch and informed.

If there’s something I’ve realized after raising three teenagers, it is that they hit milestones at different times. They all crawled, walked, potty-trained, and slept through the night at different ages. Their teen years are no different. Teenagers are pressured to hit certain milestones at exactly the same time: Get your license at a certain age, figure out where you are going to school, and know where you’ll spend the next four years. I’ve learned the best thing I can do for my kids is to let them have the space to hit certain milestones when they are ready.

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]]><![CDATA[100 things you can do with your teen]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/100-things-you-can-do-with-your-teen-020https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/100-things-you-can-do-with-your-teen-020Tue, 25 Aug 2026 14:02:34 GMTIf you’re looking for fun ways to spend time with your teen, we asked thousands of parents how they keep engaged with their teens and here’s what they told us:

  • Prepare and cook a meal or bake a treat together

  • Visit local museums and art galleries

  • Go on a hike or nature walk

  • Attend a local sports game

  • Have a movie marathon night

  • Play board or card games, family game night

  • Attend community events or festivals

  • Visit a nearby amusement park

  • Have a picnic in the park

  • Volunteer together at a local charity

This is just the top 10; read the complete list for 100 ideas.

As a working mom, I couldn’t offer to help at school very often. But when I could volunteer — at a class party, a fundraising event, or field trip — I felt as though I had wandered into a foreign land where other moms knew each other’s first names rather than just their identities as “so and so’s mom,” and seemed to exude a magical, nearly tribal bond with one another. Sometimes it’s really hard to connect with the ‘other’ moms.

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]]><![CDATA[If your child has Ivy League dreams, they need to answer this question]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/if-your-child-has-ivy-league-dreamshttps://grownandflown.substack.com/p/if-your-child-has-ivy-league-dreamsTue, 18 Aug 2026 14:04:34 GMTA new report from Harvard’s Graduate School of Education details what universities are looking for in applicants now.

Recently, a student came to me, her college counselor, and told me she didn’t know how to answer a question on her application to an Ivy League university. This particular student was at the top of her class: she had taken every advanced course available to her and earned straight As, she had over a 1550 on the SAT, and she had awards and accolades lining her bedroom shelves. There weren’t many questions she couldn’t answer, but this one had stumped her: What brings you joy?

Colleges want good teammates, good friends, good citizens. Colleges want good humans. Our children’s lives need to revolve around more than academic achievements and goals. Instead, it means encouraging teenagers to develop an understanding of what they care about and “how those cares can connect to opportunities in the adult world.” Instead of just “achieving to achieve,” ask teenagers to think about what brings them fulfillment, what drives them, and what they value… in short, what brings them joy, and how they can continue to pursue that in college and in their careers.

Whether heading to college, pursuing a trade, or starting a career, the preparation is intense. Sports, extracurricular activities, test prep, school projects, visits, applications, and social dynamics have turned our once self-sufficient children into young adults who need us now more than ever. It’s as if we’re back in those early parenting days, but this time, the stakes are even higher. We got a bit complacent (ok – cocky), thinking we had everything under control, and this new phase hit us HARD. This led me and my husband to an important conversation—we were in desperate need of a second parental leave. It’s a full-time job — scheduling, driving, talking, and navigating the complexities of their lives.

Do You Need Our FREE College Admissions Timeline?

Reduce stress with a clear plan for each semester (grades 9–12) to help your teen find colleges that are an academic, social, and financial fit.

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]]><![CDATA[How to plan a college visit: 16 great tips from a former dean]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/how-to-plan-a-college-visit-16-great-4d8https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/how-to-plan-a-college-visit-16-great-4d8Tue, 11 Aug 2026 14:03:16 GMTI worked in higher education for over 20 years. In my various roles, I spoke at countless recruitment events, read hundreds of essays, and reviewed numerous transcripts, but over the past two years, I got to experience the process from the other side.

As a parent with a background in academic advising and student life, I felt confident that my perspective would be valuable, but I quickly realized that it was essential to develop a few strategies (and even make a few rules for myself) to ensure a fruitful visit.

BEFORE your college visit:

  • It is important to visit a college while classes are in session.

  • As soon as you have a date for a visit, reserve your spot for a tour and an information session.

THE DAY OF your college visit:

  • Leave early to get there early.

  • During the tour, stay near the front.

  • If you get an opportunity to eat in the dining hall, take it.

Read the full list here.

Teens WILL cause you discomfort. Perhaps in the form of a snarky comeback, an indignant eye roll, or narrowly missing a parked car while learning to drive. Oh my goodness, the fights that erupted in the front seat of my Mazda when my oldest had his permit, often right after my life and his passed before my eyes. As a parenting coach, educator, and mental health therapist, I often remark that a secret ingredient to raising healthy teens is increasing one’s tolerance for distress — at the parent level. Yes, you read that right. A lot of doing this parenting thing well comes down to learning to manage your own discomfort.

Do You Need Our FREE College Admissions Timeline?

Reduce stress with a clear plan for each semester (grades 9–12) to help your teen find colleges that are an academic, social, and financial fit.

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]]><![CDATA[25 things every teen needs to know before leaving home]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/25-things-every-teen-needs-to-knowhttps://grownandflown.substack.com/p/25-things-every-teen-needs-to-knowTue, 04 Aug 2026 14:01:47 GMTAt the end of the summer before my firstborn daughter’s high school senior year, it struck me that she would be leaving for college soon. I fretted. I had not prepared her. With only a few months left of having her home, I resolved to collect the things my 18-year-old needed to know and to find teachable moments to deliver the messages. The list in my journal became an off-to-college goodbye letter, which then became a book, Do Your Laundry or You’ll Die Alone: Advice Your Mom Would Give if She Thought You Were Listening. Here are the 25 things every teen needs to know before leaving home:

  • Look people in the eye

  • Offer your seat to anyone older or less healthy than you

  • Pocket your cell phone during meals

  • Multi-tasking doesn’t always save you time

  • Know who your friends are

Read the full list here.

Parents and students alike already know the reputations of many wish-list schools. We see various lists and rankings, most notably from US News & World Report, where the Ivy League schools — and their cousins — jockey for position each year. But all these important metrics don’t tell the anxious mother in me what I really want to know: Which colleges are kind? Which universities naturally attract and foster students who exhibit kindness? For just a moment, I’d like to forget about ‘reach’ schools and ‘safety’ schools. I’d like to hear which ones will make my kid feel safe and reach for him if he needs help.

Do You Need Our FREE College Admissions Timeline?

Reduce stress with a clear plan for each semester (grades 9–12) to help your teen find colleges that are an academic, social, and financial fit.

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]]><![CDATA[10 things I’m teaching my sons about life]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/10-things-im-teaching-my-sons-abouthttps://grownandflown.substack.com/p/10-things-im-teaching-my-sons-aboutTue, 28 Jul 2026 14:02:32 GMTI’d always planned to make my sons a survival guide before college, like my dad did for me, but it became apparent that they’d need it much sooner. Their life skills needed some finessing. My nephew had told me that he hoped his future college roommate wouldn’t be a slob. His own room was strewn with clothes on the floor, rumpled bedsheets and a cluttered desk. I gently pointed this out and he said, “That’s right, I don’t want to live with someone like me.” Teenagers, for the most part, are not great roommates. They may, in fact, be the worst. I decided to make a Guide to Life for mine to point them in the right direction.

  • Shower every day: Good personal hygiene isn’t optional; it’s about respecting yourself and others around you.

  • Keep your phone charged: Staying reachable is important and can even be a safety issue when teens are out and about.

  • See chores through from start to finish: Tasks like laundry, trash, and dishes shouldn’t be half-done — follow through builds responsibility.

  • Eight-hour off rule: Your electronics, and you, must be off for eight consecutive hours each night.

I often sit in wonder and marvel at the fact that I am already a parent of a kid who is at the edge of 17. With a heart overflowing with all the emotion. The edge of 17 feels like the real turning point of youth. Where the pressures of the future begin to weigh down. The endless questions about life plans after high school. The standardized tests lurk around the corner. One more summer before the wind blows him in a new direction. The beginning of the end of a journey that in so many ways feels like it just began. I watch him, from a close distance but a distance all the same. Glimpses of a future I know is coming so quickly and that I will not be a part of every day anymore.

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]]><![CDATA[Advice for teens who have friend problems]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/advice-for-teens-who-have-friend-847https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/advice-for-teens-who-have-friend-847Tue, 21 Jul 2026 14:02:25 GMTA mom of a likable, down-to-earth kid calls the school counseling office worried. “My daughter’s friends seem to be ditching her,” the mom says. “She sees photos on Snapchat and Instagram of their parties, but she’s not invited to any of them.” Why might a group of teens start excluding a former friend? What can parents do to help?

  • Explore and label what’s going on with your teen’s friendships

  • Normalize your child’s experience so they don’t feel alone

  • Help teens see patterns in behaviors and social dynamics

  • Encourage them to find new peer groups or opportunities

  • Create a sense of belonging at home, even if friendships are unstable

I have five teens and I am surviving but barely. I call it the ‘Alien Theory.’ At some point between the ages of 13 and 19, your child comes and goes. The kid you have fed, comforted, cheered for, and known better than anyone on earth is still in there. But some days, someone else entirely shows up in their place. The alien is not a person, it is a personality, a mood that possesses your kid without warning and drives off with your car keys and your patience.

Teens save their worst behavior for the person they are closest to, not because they do not love you, but because they do, because they know your love is not going anywhere. You are the safe place, and being the safe place means you absorb the worst of them while the rest of the world gets the version they are carefully managing.

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]]><![CDATA[5 skills teens really need before they leave home]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/5-skills-teens-really-need-beforehttps://grownandflown.substack.com/p/5-skills-teens-really-need-beforeTue, 14 Jul 2026 14:03:20 GMTWhen we send our teens off to college, we often focus on the physical essentials — like extra-long sheets and shower caddies — while overlooking the “invisible” life skills they need to survive on their own. Here are the essential skills your teen needs before they leave home:

  • The courage to ask for help: Teens often feel that confusion is a sign of failure; they need to know that reaching out to a professor or advisor for help is a vital part of being an adult.

  • Recovering from setbacks: College is often the first place a high-achieving student faces a bad grade or a social rejection; they need practice getting back up and understanding that a single struggle doesn’t define their future.

  • Building personal structure: Moving from a micro-managed high school schedule to total freedom is a shock; teens must learn to create their own routine, such as regular sleep patterns and meal times, to avoid becoming overwhelmed.

Click here for the full list.

It was easy to feel comfortable and connected to my children during the middle school years. This sweet spot stretched into junior high, peaked, then heartbreakingly plummeted off the charts. Overnight, I became an annoying person who knew absolutely nothing. Banned from being seen in public with them, I was forced to parent on the sidelines. Everything changed. How did it happen that I’m now officially ‘The Enemy?’

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Reduce stress with a clear plan for each semester (grades 9–12) to help your teen find colleges that are an academic, social, and financial fit.

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]]><![CDATA[This summer can make or break your teen's college application]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/this-summer-can-make-or-break-your-192https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/this-summer-can-make-or-break-your-192Tue, 07 Jul 2026 14:00:36 GMTIf your teen is a rising senior, this summer isn’t optional — it’s strategic. Students who don’t use this time intentionally risk falling behind before application season even begins. And once senior year hits, it’s incredibly hard to catch up. That’s why we brought in college admissions expert Stephanie Meade to break down exactly what matters right now — and what doesn’t.

Because here’s what most families get wrong: They focus on filling time instead of building a strong college application. The truth is, not all summer activities matter. Some actually do very little to improve admissions outcomes, while others can significantly increase your teen’s chances of getting accepted and earning merit scholarships.

Stephanie walks you through:

• The 3 things students must prioritize this summer to stay competitive

• How to get ahead on the Common App and essays before senior year

• What admissions officers actually look for (and what they ignore)

• How to choose the right mix of jobs, internships, or projects

• What to do if expensive programs aren’t an option

• How to position your teen for scholarships and financial aid

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Here is the thing nobody tells you about raising competent kids: competence feels like rejection at first. You spend fifteen years being the answer to their questions, and then one day, you are no longer the first number they dial when something goes wrong. That is, objectively, the goal. You want to raise a person who can handle the world. You want to work yourself out of a job.

“I don’t need you to fix it, I just need to say it out loud.” I am no longer the man he calls when the laptop overheats. I am the man he talks to when the friendship is breaking. I’ll take it.

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Reduce stress with a clear plan for each semester (grades 9–12) to help your teen find colleges that are an academic, social, and financial fit.

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]]><![CDATA[‘College is the best four years of your life’ & other lies ]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/college-is-the-best-four-years-ofhttps://grownandflown.substack.com/p/college-is-the-best-four-years-ofTue, 30 Jun 2026 14:03:23 GMTIn the endless stream of advice we offer our teens, it is far too easy to fall back on clichés, well-worn turns of phrase or unquestioned ideas that contain only a shred of truth. Sometimes when I am heaping these meaningless, or worse, harmful, words on my kids I stop and think, is this really true or have I just heard it so many times I have come to accept it as truth? Here are a few of the aphorisms I have at one time or another offered up and why, instead, I owed my kids the truth:

College is the best four years of your life: College may be three and a half, or three or two of the best years of your life, or it may not be; it often includes an adjustment period with highs, lows, homesickness, and uncertainty rather than instant happiness.

You need to find your passion: Finding a passion is great if it happens, but not having one does not prevent a happy, successful life, and you shouldn’t feel pressure to force or chase one that may not appear in a clear way.

Keep all your options open: Keeping every option open can lead to indecision, while real progress comes from making choices, committing to opportunities, and adapting when things don’t work out.

The first time my daughter drifted toward the center line while driving, I grabbed the wheel. It was a reflex. And the thing that finally landed on me, sitting in that silence, was this: the dangerous driver in the car that day wasn’t the sixteen-year-old. It was me.

Teaching a teenager to drive is the first big thing where intervening is the mistake. We white-knuckle it. We suck air through our teeth at every yellow light. I finally understood that my fear was contagious, that the moment I tensed up, she tensed up, and a tense driver is a worse driver.

The whole job of that year, it turns out, was learning to believe she could, calmly, steadily, with my hands in my lap, long enough for her to believe it too. Here is what 50 hours in the passenger seat of the car taught me about letting go.

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]]><![CDATA[THIS stage, the teen years, is certainly the best stage]]>https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/this-stage-the-teen-years-is-certainly-6e0https://grownandflown.substack.com/p/this-stage-the-teen-years-is-certainly-6e0Wed, 24 Jun 2026 14:03:44 GMTThe teenage years are often viewed as a challenging stage of parenting, but they can also be the most rewarding:

  • The challenging of authority, ideas, and the world is a gift, revealing how they think, what they value, and who they are becoming.

  • Teens are genuinely funny, offering humor that is clever, self-aware, and often as entertaining as adults.

  • Watching them with friends is a joy, full of laughter, warmth, and reminders of how far they’ve grown.

  • They are often kind and thoughtful, showing tenderness and generosity in ways that can surprise and delight.

Despite the mood swings and eye-rolls, these years provide some of the richest experiences in raising a child, reminding parents that the teen stage, with all its ups and downs, can truly be the best time to watch your child grow and flourish.

We need to choose our words carefully — especially the ones we offer our children. I used to think I was being supportive, even encouraging, when I told my sons things like, “You’re going to do great things,” or “You’re going places, kid.” Those words came from love. From the belief in who they are and what they’re capable of. But in hindsight, I see that it may have been carelessness, not thoughtlessness, that led me to contribute to a culture of quiet, crushing expectations. ​​The weight of our words: What I no longer tell my kids about their future.

Amazon Prime Day is happening June 23-26. We’ve rounded up excellent deals on storage, study supplies, bedding, beauty, tech, and more for your teen and your entire family.

Best Amazon Prime Day Deals

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