December had a smell. Chin chin frying in every kitchen, groundnut roasting in every pan, jollof rice burning, new dresses hanging on doors, stiff with the kind of newness that itches. The whole street was in a good mood. The whole street also had a chicken problem.

That’s where Oga Sonny came in.

Nobody knew where he lived. Nobody had ever seen his house, his wife, or his children if he had any. All we knew was that he existed at Chisa’s Bar, where he went every evening to drink and eat isiewu, and that in December he was more important than the pastor and the man with the generator combined. You didn’t explain anything to him. You just pointed and the chicken’s year was over- the real “point and kill”.

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Then came the turkey.

Balisco was the landlady of her compound, which meant she had a reputation, and a woman with a reputation does not run after a turkey in front of her tenants. Her sons, who were grown men with strong legs and no excuse, had refused. So she did what any strategic woman would do. She sent for Oga Sonny.

He arrived the way he always did, like a man who was needed. Everyone continued as they were, stylishly observing the feat about to begin. I watched from my gate, or rather at my peephole, because Balisco’s compound was directly opposite mine and that oddly large square hole was how I saw most things back then.

He didn’t rush. He assessed the turkey the way a surgeon assesses a patient. Then he did his work, cleanly and without ceremony, and the turkey’s head came off.

The turkey, however, did not get the message.

It ran. Oga Sonny ran after it. Then, for one moment I will carry to my grave, it seemed to be chasing him. The two of them circled the compound like people in a very serious argument. By this time my brother had been drawn to the commotion and we pressed our faces so hard to the peephole that we had marks down our faces for an hour.

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Then somebody opened the gate properly. I still don’t know who, and I have never forgiven them.

The turkey shot into the road, straight into the queue at the borehole. Buckets flew and children screamed. Oga Sonny followed and I watched the aura he’d worn all December leave his body in real time.

Ahead was the street with the Deeper Life church. A headless turkey entering a church compound was a line the neighbourhood was not prepared to cross. I lost my view when they rounded the corner, but I heard the rest. Chisa, the owner of the bar, had caught it before it got there. The man who sold Oga Sonny his evening drinks had just saved his reputation.

Oga Sonny acted like nothing had happened. He showed up the next week, looked over the chickens like a surgeon, and did his work cleanly and without ceremony. But we could all tell. The aura had a dent in it.

Nobody stopped calling him, though. December is December and the chickens were not going to kill themselves.

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They just started calling a little differently.

“Oga Sonny, good afternoon. We have two chickens. Abeg, do and come. No worry, we go lock gate.”

He’d laugh. Then he’d ask where the chickens were and get to business.

If you can catch a chicken and kill it, you deserve the bottom pot of Jollof rice and cold chivita. Have you been chased by a turkey?

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Current Read: The Fishermen by Chigozie Obioma.

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And when God decides to take me, i hope He does it on a saturday morning, in the early hours. not too early that it’s extremely cold, but just before dawn, so the sun spills through my curtains and warms my body one last time.

It’ll come after a night of peace and doing what i love the most: a day with my loved ones, jumping, playing and eating the best jambalaya rice, with someone arguing over the last spoon and nobody really minding, then retiring to my balcony with a Nigerian-authored book, the spine cracked and one page corner folded down, loved the way a book should be loved, before walking down the street to meet Kainene.1

I’d like the house quiet, with a half-drunk cup of something warm on the table, and nobody rushing to fix anything.

And maybe the questions asked about Janet Uzor2 will pass over me and i’ll finally be at peace. Afterwards, i hope nobody is sad for too long. Let the music be loud and the food be plenty. Let someone say something funny about me, and let the whole room laugh before it cries.

God, i know it’s a long list but after the life i’ve lived, i had to ask.

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audacity /ɔːˈdasɪti/
noun: a willingness to take bold risks.

what is audacity?

Audacity is Charles Inojie posing blatantly as the Costa Rica guy in The Deceivers, that boy asking you to send him money to take you out, that person asking you to go through that humiliation ritual to get a chance at being her assistant. It is also asking for the opportunity even when you don’t feel prepared enough. Putting yourself out there even though a part of you wants to fold. Asking for a meeting when everyone is asking for a picture.

I have a theory- audacity is sold in a store, and the store only lets men in, especially the weird ones, and anyone who has the courage to seek it.

How else do you explain the short, obscenely rotund, temperamental man that applied for a role that asked for five years of experience, had none, and walked out with the job and a company laptop? His CV was one page and half of it was his hobbies. "I'm a quick learner" was his entire personality, and it worked. No plan. Just a borrowed suit and a handshake that lasted four seconds too long. And he got it. abeg.

Meanwhile, you have rewritten “hope this finds you well” six times because “well” felt presumptuous.

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crazy stuff

My consultant was scrubbing in for a caesarean section, and we all watched and waited. Then someone asked if he could assist, and he got a yes almost immediately. all he had to do was ask.

We stared in amazement. We all wanted to assist, but nobody dared to ask, mostly because we thought we were underqualified.

the receipts

Audacity has gotten me a lot: a piece with Zikoko, a meeting with Guinness MD, a job at a creative agency, an art residency offer, a few dollars and a ton of opportunities.

That said, my audacity balance is like my account balance in the last week of the month: technically there, fluctuates as the month ends.

what he does differently

Here’s what I've noticed. Men don’t audit themselves before they ask. We do. We gather evidence that we deserve it, then ask three friends if it’s “too much,” and by the time everyone has voted, the opportunity has gone to the very average man who typed “hi, i need this,” added the most mundane reason, and pressed send.

And the worst thing that happens to him is “no.” He treats “no” like harmattan. It comes, it passes, he moisturises and moves on. (well, not all of them do, but you get the gist)

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the maths

If you’re worried about the outcome, remember that shame is temporary. Nobody thinks about you as much as you do. The worst you can get is an “eww” or some odd insult. 4 times out of 10 you’ll get a no. Other times you’ll get a maybe, and if you keep trying, you’ll eventually get a yes.

Your skills, degree, experience will mean absolutely nothing if you do not have the audacity, courage and grace to apply yourself. Stop playing around with “what ifs”. F*ck around and find out! Every time you hesitate, someone less ready and less talented takes your spot. This world rewards audacity, not potential.

your assignment

You need to have the audacity to want more. Be unapologetically relentless about dreaming big and take action. So the next time you’re too scared to ask for the raise, the feature, the discount, or the position, remember the mid Michelin-shaped man and borrow his confidence. He won’t miss it. He has plenty.

This week, ask for one thing. Small is fine. Watch the sky not fall.

The audacity store doesn’t exist, but if it did, they’d let you in.

Forget shame joor. 🫶🏾

So, what’s the boldest thing you’ve asked for? Let us know, i need fresh ideas. 😌

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Current Read: The Joys of Motherhood by Buchi Emecheta.

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You guys I’ve been active on my socials. Especially twitter but you won’t see that! Anyhoo check me out!!

Play this while you read for a good laugh.

Life is so funny cos you could be going through the worst shit and still have to jump bike.

I’ve learnt a few things this year.

1. I’m gwarinpa’s number two hater.

2. Cheese isn’t as bad as I thought.

3. Always have an atomizer because life happens.

4. Slide if you know what’s better.

5. I need therapy.

Today I had to deal with the second worst news I’ve heard all year (we’re just 23 days in btw). It wasn’t just sad, it was demoralising. I had to pretend I wasn’t affected by it because that’s what adults do- adult stuff. The toughest part was acting like everything was calm and I was unfazed. I was in fact fazed and I became a shadow of myself.

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I wanted to walk. Walk and let my thoughts dance with the wind. But I couldn’t. I had to endure a silent ride to pick up a meal that wasn’t even mine. The ghetto.

For the first time in a long time (two weeks), I couldn’t run away from my thoughts so I did the next best thing- jumped bike.

I wanted to go home and to do that I had to jump bike oooo! Imagine going through a lot and pricing the keke man. Oh goodness! Keeping your eyes open so you won’t miss your stop, waiting for the bike man you called 10 minutes ago and having your main character moment beside Next Cash and Carry while admiring the woman driving a matte green Mercedes Benz CLA 45 AMG.

“Madam make we dey go nau”.

Back to reality. I hopped on, cried and let the wind wipe away my tears. I have proof (made a video), lmk if you want to see it.

Anyway, we live to fight another day and if this didn’t happen, how would I have known that jumping bike is therapeutic? (I can’t afford real therapy).

If you’ve come this far, please come again!

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Current read: The Middle Daughter

My gum’s been aching for a week and I assumed it was a vitamin C deficiency –because of course I did.

Today I realized it’s my right lower wisdom tooth coming in, and suddenly everything felt symbolic.

I started thinking about my age. Am I old enough for this? When did this happen? When did I quietly cross into the phase of life where my body starts making these executive decisions without consulting me?

It feels strange, realising time is moving even when you’re not paying attention. That growing up doesn’t always arrive with fireworks or announcements. Sometimes it shows up as a dull ache in your mouth and a lingering heaviness in your chest.

And I think that’s what I’ve been feeling lately. Not sadness. Not heartbreak.

Just… weight.

The kind that makes you pause.

That makes you scroll through your old posts and archive them like you’re packing up a version of yourself you’ve outgrown but don’t fully understand yet.

The kind that makes you wonder if you’ve been living — or just keeping track of yourself living.

I remember feeling this way when I first started this open journal. Everything felt raw then. Unfiltered. Honest. I hadn’t learned how to curate myself yet. I hadn’t learned what was “too much” or “too soft” or “too much like feeling.” I used to listen to Escapism to cruise through the day.

Maybe this is that feeling again.

Not a breakdown.

Not a breakthrough either.

Just the quiet moment in between where something is shifting. It’s a feeling of heaviness and impending transformation.

I don’t know what comes next. I just know I want to move slower. To live softer. To be more present in my own life instead of watching it from the outside.

I don’t have answers. Only awareness. And maybe that’s what growing really is —not suddenly becoming wise, but noticing when you’re changing.

If this is a beginning, I hope it’s a gentle one.

Merry Christmas pookies, enjoy🥂

No Current Read babies😅💗. I’ll try to come back stronger next month😚

If you wanted to get anything, all you had to do was ask for a book with it, and you’d be sure to get it.

He believed wisdom came in paperback –new, old, thick, or slim.
He’d come home from work with a tired face and a nylon bag swinging from his hand, and somehow, there’d always be a book in it. Birthdays or not, he gave books the way other fathers gave biscuits.

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I was born into a home filled with books. Slowly, the books began to multiply -quietly, stubbornly. They gathered on shelves and tables, old boxes and drawers. We had books everywhere. Every corner, every room, every surface tried its best to hold one. Every nook was a reading nook.

Some of the titles are still vivid in my memory — The Greatest Salesman in the World. As a Man Thinketh. Desiderata. I didn’t understand most of them. But I liked the smell of the pages. The promise that they contained something important, some new word to add to my vocabulary.

I remember reading Desiderata once, sitting cross-legged on my bedroom floor while the evening light slipped through the curtains.

“Go placidly amid the noise and haste…”

“…and remember what peace there may be in silence.”

I didn’t know what “placidly” meant, but I liked that I found a new word.

At the time, I thought reading Desiderata was just one of those chores that came with childhood, like washing plates or greeting visitors properly.

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I never imagined that one day, years later, I’d find myself whispering the same lines under my breath on a random Saturday, trying to calm my own chaos.

My father never made us read aloud or explain what we’d learned. He just handed us the books and trusted they’d do their work —quietly, over time. And maybe that’s what they did.

They waited.
They followed us into adulthood, showing up in fragments, in moments when the noise became too loud.

Lately, I’ve been revisiting Desiderata.
Not because I’m trying to be profound, but because I’ve been feeling… unmoored.
Like I’ve been moving fast and losing the softness of why.

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So I read it again, slowly this time.

And maybe, for the first time, I understand what my father was trying to teach us without saying a word — peace is not something you find; it’s something you return to.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann c.1920

Do you agree with desiderata? Do you have unspoken life rules? What’s something you fall back on when you need to be grounded?

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The truth is: I’ve been tired. Not the kind of tired that sleep solves- the kind that seeps into your enthusiasm. The kind that makes your phone feel heavy in your hand, and your reflection look a little too honest. So I made myself a dopamine menu. A list of small, intentional pleasures. Nothing groundbreaking, just things that make me feel a tiny bit more alive.

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Starter: silence before sunrise.
There’s a moment between sleep and morning where the world hasn’t decided who it’s going to be yet. The air is cold, my mind is half-dreaming, and I can almost hear my thoughts putting on their makeup. I like to sit in that quiet and do nothing. Just existing awkwardly, like a guest in my own home.

It’s a kind of peace that doesn’t announce itself. I rate it a solid 8/10 on the dopamine scale. Could use more serotonin, but we move.

Main Course: romanticizing the mundane.
My new thing is pretending I’m in a film no one else is watching. Every trip to hmedix, every attempt at a new hobby, every “I’ll just step out for a bit” becomes a scene. I imagine voiceovers and background music that doesn’t exist. The other day, a man in traffic, stood in his car, through his sunroof, singing out loud –badly, I might add– and I smiled like I’d just witnessed a plot twist.

There’s power in deciding your life is cinematic. It turns errands into epilogues, and suddenly, even your sadness has good lighting. I’ll be showing more of this on my YouTube so be sure to subscribe!

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Side Dish: cold drinks and juicy podcasts.
I stopped being a fan of hot drinks after Milo paid my primary school countless visits always serving cold milo -that was always too sweet- in paper cups. So I’ve been enjoying cold beverages and sipping fruity drinks that help deal with the Abuja heat.

I’ve also never been a huge music girlie (my Spotify wrapped always sucks) so I opt for podcasts serving hot tea, the type that burns your tongue a little. Bonus points if it comes with laughter that interrupts your sip or a sibling who knows the exact kind of silence you need.

I’m convinced that every good conversation adds ten years to your emotional lifespan.

Dessert: self-forgiveness.
This one’s been hard to swallow. I tend to replay old versions of myself — the awkward, unsure, emotionally allergic versions — and cringe so hard I could implode. But I’m learning that cringe is just the sound of growth creaking.

So I’m forgiving myself for every time I loved the wrong thing, stayed too long, spoke too little, dimmed too much.
I’m even forgiving myself for not being a “new person” every Monday tbh.

Drink Pairing: movement.
Nothing serious. Just walks. No steps goal, no curated playlist, no ‘main character’ spin. Just walking for the sake of seeing things again.
Trees. Stray cats. Strangers. The mallam selling munch-it. The sound of water dripping from balconies.

It’s like pressing refresh on your brain without having to restart the whole system.

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My dopamine menu changes every week. Some days it’s skincare and playlists; other days it’s crying on purpose because sometimes that’s the only way to feel something. There’s no wrong order. There’s no chef’s recommendation.

The only rule is: whatever makes you feel something, counts.

I think that’s what the Winter Arc is really about –feeling again, even when it’s inconvenient. It’s about thawing from the inside out. Choosing softness over cynicism. Making room for tiny joys when the big ones feel out of reach.

Because truthfully, nobody ever told us that peace could be quiet and chaotic at the same time. That you can crave calm while still wanting adventure. That you can be healing and still feel a little bit lost.

But maybe that’s the point. Maybe the Winter Arc isn’t a pause before the next season. Maybe it is the story –the part where you sit with yourself long enough to remember what it feels like to be a person.

So here’s my current menu:

• Long showers with an Omoni Oboli TV movie playing.

• Cold bedsheets and warm feet.

• Saying no without guilt.

• Random compliments to strangers.

• Watching movie edits and those AI narrated movie clips on TikTok.

• Lying down after cleaning my room like I just defeated a dragon.

None of these are extravagant. But they keep me going — inch by inch, smile by smile.

So if you’re also in your Winter Arc, consider this your invitation to curate your own dopamine menu.
Find joy in the tiny, the slow, the quiet. Make rituals out of small things.
And when it all starts to feel heavy again (because it will), come back here and start from the starter.

The sky might still be gray, but that’s okay. It means you can paint on it.

What does your dopamine menu look like? Should we get into deeper winter arc activities? Would you like podcast recommendations?

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Current Read: What Sunny Saw In the Flames By Nnedi Okorafor

On the days when shampoo stings your eyes, when you step into a wet patch just after pulling on fresh socks, or when your toes find the corners of the table and your fingers get caught in a closing door- this too shall pass.

On nights when you return after enduring the heat of your boss’s demands and the stench of the conductor’s armpit as you squeeze into the dingy danfo that carries you home, dreaming of downing Iya Basirat’s perfectly fried yamarita, only to alight and realise she never came out- this too shall pass.

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But what about the good?

It’s not a phrase tailored to any particular context. Not just for the lower class or the middle class. Not just for days of loss or weeks of depression. We glide through life when everything feels perfect: when our eggs are cooked sunny-side up, when our families beam with pride, when our egos soar higher than the plateaus of Jos. When money isn’t an issue, when love feels bubbling and honeymooney.

Is it pessimistic to think, this too shall pass? Is it wrong to wonder if it’s just a phase?

This too shall pass.

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Life itself isn’t straightforward, and I don’t expect your response to be, either. So what happens when this passes? Another experience you wish away or one you cling onto, forgetting that it’s a journey and not a destination?

LIVE IN THE MOMENT.

Good, bad, weird, normal- live in it. Allow yourself to feel and to live. If your way of living in the moment is wishing it away, or wishing it to stay, do it. Accept life for what it is, and change what you can.

While you live in the moment, choose what to hold on to and what to release. Remember: yesterday you wished for it to pass —and it has.

No matter how, or when, you use this aphorism, remember: THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

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I started the year amped up, a long list of goals that seemed attainable and a notion template that had Mona Kattan shaking. I imagined early-morning stretches, gym sessions, and a schedule so tight it could double as a corset. Instead, life handed me a script filled with near-misses. My alarm clock was more like an uncooperative understudy, always offstage when I needed it most, and my grand plans dissolved into a series of “almosts” that left me amused and exasperated.

Take, for example, the time I started my YouTube channel. I was buzzing with excitement, eager to share my creative process and quirky musings with the world. For a brief moment, I pictured a thriving channel filled with raw, unfiltered content. A community reminiscent of a large family. But before I could fully hit record, distractions crept in, and my initial burst of enthusiasm fizzled out. The channel became another “almost”–a reminder that even passion can sometimes lose its spark.

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Then there was my foray into content creation and creative writing or whatever this can be categorised as. I had this grand vision of showcasing myself, a masterpiece of raw emotion and quirky insights. Instead, I ended up with pages full of half-formed thoughts, drafts that I never looked back on, and a running commentary on my own inability to stay on track. My journal became a mosaic of ideas–unfinished, imperfect, and completely mine.

And if that wasn’t enough, the ever-present struggle with self-esteem turned every “almost” into a mini crisis. Each abandoned project felt like a personal indictment–a sign that maybe I wasn’t creative enough or interesting enough after all. The doubts crept in like uninvited guests, questioning my worth and turning my unfinished dreams into battlegrounds of self-doubt.

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It’s strange, really, how the moments that almost materialise can feel as rich as any finished chapter. Each “almost” is a small rebellion against the pressure to be perfectly productive. While the year wasn’t as good as expected, I looked back and found beauty in the candid, unedited snippets of my life. I discovered a peculiar charm in the candid, unpolished moments. They’re like the bloopers at the end of a film–the raw, unedited bits that remind you that life isn’t always a blockbuster, and that’s okay.

You know the saying, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”? Well, I’ve been handed a whole crate of almost-lemons–fruity, imperfect, and occasionally sour. And instead of forcing them into a recipe for success, I’ve found joy in simply acknowledging their existence (even though lemons were not initially naturally occurring). Sometimes, those almost-lemons end up in an experimental cocktail–a reminder that not every attempt has to be a victory to be memorable.

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So here’s to the year of almosts—the unfinished sketches, the nearly-there plans, the dreams that flirted with reality before retreating into the comfort of “maybe tomorrow.” They might not check every box on the “perfect life” list, but they’re the pages of my unwritten chapter, filled with the messy, beautiful truth of trying.

As I flip the calendar to a new chapter, I’m choosing to celebrate these imperfect moments. They’re not failures; they’re the lively, unpredictable punctuation marks in a story that’s still in progress. And while I might not have a collection of triumphant final drafts to show for it, I have a scrapbook of moments that are authentically—and humorously—me.

Here’s to embracing the almosts, the unscripted, and the delightfully unfinished. Because sometimes, the best parts of life are the ones you never planned to write down. Cheers babies🥂

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Current Read: Maitama Linen: The Scandalous Lives of Abuja Elites

It’s been 370 days since our last letter and boy has it been a year! I’ve missed you and I know you missed me too. You probably do not care but it’s my newsletter so here’s a life update!

After starting the year with 20+ goals all I can say is “it is well”. I’m telling myself that the first quarter was the free trial and my year is just beginning but egbami oh!

After passing my 3rd MB exams and becoming a 400 level 500 level student, paediatrics started showing me that there are different types of peppers hotter than ghost pepper.

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Speaking of ghosting, i might do it again. It feels like there’s some animosity between my pen and journal and it’s hard resolving it. I’ve had a never changing, never ending routine and it’s suffocating. Like I’m stuck in the matrix.

The past few months have been draining but I cannot let medicine to do with me whatever it chooses. This is why I recommend going home. It’s both therapeutic and money saving. After checking the cost of therapy in Nigeria, I settled for binge watching cringe Nigerian YouTube movies because what type of shege am I seeing that Bimbo hasn’t seen?

In order to remain sane I’ve decided to take desiderata more seriously because at the end, with all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

How has your year been? Do you also feel stuck? What are you doing about it? If you aren’t, how are you doing it? I haven’t written in eons so my humour isn’t as good as it used to. Let me know what you think about this letter. Should we continue?

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Oh and in case you’re wondering, I do not agree with Lord Tennyson (check out the pilot episode) and my boo says hi😘

Where have you been? What’s been up with you? What’s going on? Before you start to worry, I was just spending time with my boyfriend. He’s been so sweet but that’s not what this is about.

After the seemingly long and semi-productive break, school resumed about three weeks ago. How I was going to cover 400 topics in 5 weeks was beyond anything I could think of but miracle no dey tire Jesus. As usual, I resumed with a plan. One week, one course. Don't even ask how that's going. The more I read, the more I realise that wahala dey. I might be panicking now but I know I’d pass by God’s grace. Watch this space😘

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I'm beginning to believe Nigerian lecturers enjoy being wicked. How'd you move your test to two weeks before the exam and inform us about a presentation in less than a week? Haba. I didn't plan for this while living the soft girl lifestyle. People are thanking Muslims for the public holiday, and I can't relate because break where??? I have MB exams in three weeks, and lectures won't end till next week.

The first time I heard path & pharm exams were the hardest, I thought it was talk. After all, they said the same thing about my other exams. Now with every hug, I cry. "How are you?" -tears, "I brought food"-tears, "Call me if you need something" -tears. Even the Erin Ijesha waterfall has nothing on me.

After making biscuit flakes for two days, it's safe to say that I'm now lactose intolerant. I decided to make Jollof spaghetti, and my concoction was inedible. Best in cooking 🥇. What's left is just me and my stew. Empty stew. Now, I can confidently write a guide to thriving as a broke babe.

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Just three weeks in, and all money has disappeared. I've been making wise money decisions more often than not but yesterday!!!! I was trying to get hot water to shower when my neighbour casually told me she sells perfumes. I didn't know how to evade this, so I told her that she didn't have one I wanted, a big mistake. She said she was going to order it soon. I ended up paying for the perfume leaving 1k in my account, but I'm not bothered because money will always come. Yimu. On the bright side, it was retail therapy for me. I'm about to soak garri with my sleep-deprived eyes. Please act right if you see me with a plate in your room.

Nothing annoys me more than commenting about my body changes during this period. "You've lost weight", "your eyes are darker", "are you even eating?", "see your neck", "you've become skinny". I’m stressed but see how my skin is glowing. Nanret, if you were in my shoes, you'd look worse. Did you offer me food that I rejected? It's always "You'll be fine" and never "I bought massa and plantains for you". Speaking of which, I randomly mentioned my cake craving on Snapchat and it was satisfied🤭. Sha make I use that one hold body.

With everything going on, please don't stress me. I have assignments due in the morning and haven't started them. If you haven’t figured it out already, I have exams in a few weeks. In between all this, I watched Gangs of Lagos and I loved it. People that don’t like it are just wannabe hater. Anyhoo, who’s looking to be the Obalola to my Teni? Yes I have a boyfriend but another wouldn’t hurt anyone😉

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Just a sidebar to those that never said anything about the elections; acting aloof when your future is being decided and acting like the elections don’t affect you isn’t a flex honey. Even if it’s silly to not post or care about the elections, I think it’s sillier to post your business instead. lmaoo business that the economy can crumble. You think your next solution is to japa and it’s only a big deal for the rest of us, dumb.

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Of course the streets of twitter weren’t silent and believe you me I was there for it all. Ellu P made my day. Iykyk. People were dragged and others were dragging. Lollipop (Emeneks) was on fire and I lovedddddd it. Seeing people come out en masse to vote made me smile. I thought I was still my normal self till anxiety woke me up from sleep on Sunday morning, Gen Z babe spent the whole day switching from Arise to Channels. I could give you details of everything that was happening at that point, I was so invested that I cancelled all my Casagrandes reminders. A woke babe I stan.

Fast forward to Monday. I finally found a library to read in and membership was very affordable. Whatever price you think just divide it by three. It is so aesthetically pleasing. The first time I walked into it, I was transported to another country. It gives Rome meets France with a touch of Spain. the renaissance with a touch of the 21st century. I’m not even exaggerating. You should see for yourself.

After the hectic process of finding where to get my photo taken for my library card, I finally settled down to study by 1pm. Before I could say Jack Robinson, my phone was buzzing. Apparently there was a building burning close by and people were protesting. My family members were calling me home. My first attempt at productivity was fumbling. After delaying and grumbling I got up by 3pm to go home because I haven’t heard of another Naarai and I’m still very much dependent on my family.

It spiraled down from there and you know what happened next. Anyway I’m back in the library and I’m so glad I’ve been productive. Another plus to this place is that I get to act like a tourist for as long as I want- the library’s in a historical centre.

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So down to the main point. Today’s my birthday!! Your babe’s 20. Say a prayer for me and send funds. I’ve only been receiving debits. 20 and still without money. It’s giving broque. Edakun pay me to write a love letter for your babe, she’d fall in love again. Jokes apart, I actually write for people, support my hustle. Send a dm on instagram.

In retrospect all the events leading to this day made it more amazing. Around this time last year I was close to being homeless (which happened eventually). Lowkey, I have actually been in the most ghetto situations lmaoo. I don’t think I’ve ever had my birthday as a free day. Last year I had to resume a new department in the hospital, I have no memory of the year before that but for most of my birthdays, I’ve had to write a test or prepare for one. I actually spent one in Ariara market, beautiful day, rain soaked us in the market ehn, people even fell into large gutters. It was funny. mummy if you’re seeing this, i love you. Today I’m in the library, I ditched my schoolwork for this so share this.

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I did a birthday count down for my WhatsApp guys. I was super excited. With everything that happened in the past year I thought I’d be less excited about this. I’ve said it before and I’d say it again, my friends >>>>>> Imagine getting a reply to an epistle with another epistle. They made me cry today. So many friendships I didn’t see coming and beautiful friends that turned family. I’m grateful for every one of you. You’re the real MVPs. I’m already receiving gifts and I’m excited about that. I love receiving gifts. People actually like me??!! My Snapchat babies have been sending me messages 🤭. My sponsor, side eyeeeeee. You need to see me looking like a 10/10 x 10 divided by nothing. I actually look really good.

I’ve been avoiding calls today, they give me so much anxiety. Please as we’re celebrating, come correct. Which one is ‘ I wish you what you wish yourself’, ‘wullnp’ texting as if you didn’t attend primary school. It’s not an opportunity to reconnect ejor. What’s “it’s been so long”? Stop at happy birthday if you don’t know what to say. It’s my birthday so I can say this. Well I’m tired of this place already so I’m going to go now. I haven’t been getting the right vibes to write as everything’s not gelling the way I want it to gel. Be patient with me.

I’m getting old, I cant even pretend I’m not an adult anymore. Please I need to find love and be someone’s baby. Thank you everyone for today. I pray you keep celebrating too. Till next week, adios 💕

I don’t know how to write with such seriousness yet. I’m finally home for my 6-weeks election break. Don’t ask me why it’s 6 weeks. The other day I posted something on my TikTok and someone was insinuating that I was lying. Anyway, na dem sabi. Tomorrow’s the dayyyyyy. The day Nigerians decide.

Everyone’s been saying that we should respect each other’s opinions and choices for presidential candidates. I agree with this but please and please I’m not mature enough to listen to anyone that’s not OBIdient. I know I don’t know politics so jejely keep it to yourself. I repeat I’m not mature enough!!!!

Truthfully most people are going to vote whoever they feel will benefit them and they’re allowed to do so. Any which way, go out to vote. If you haven’t checked your polling unit yet, do that before the day runs out.

The way people have been shopping and restocking you’d think we’re going into another lockdown. Trolleys are full, H-Medix is really making money this period. I restocked too sha. I remember at the beginning of the lockdown in 2020, I wanted to get a few things from a minimart close by and I spent about 4 hours queuing because the place was too full. I haven’t been out since Tuesday but I guess that’s what some places are like now. With the new cashless economy I had to go to the market. I’d never been so thankful for that Zenith app till that day when they didn’t disappoint.

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Speaking of disappointments, that’s how I asked my brother on Tuesday to transfer my stuff to another bag because I was running late. It wasn’t till I was about to pay for my burgers that I realised that he had put the ATM card linked to an empty account. I know we joke about washing plates at restaurants but it was about to become my reality. I started fumbling around for the real card because this soft babe can’t handle disgrace. Thankfully I was with someone who paid for our stuff before I realised I was going to be a temporary G-burger staff.

The devil works hard but my course mates work harder. I asked my WhatsApp acquaintances for a note and these people started with their “so you’re reading?”, “people have started reading?”. The same people that started reading immediately after our last test. Lmaooo. Jokers😂. I don’t even know what reply to give them. I’d just send a sticker or something.

Truthfully it’s been a struggle. Reading at home isn’t for the weak and it’s looking like I’m the weak oh. I’ve been on two slides for 4 days. 4 days!!!! My reading partner, if you’re seeing this, we’d try again next week. I’d catch up. The only distractions here are the ones I’m allowing and believe me I’m allowing a lot.

I thought I was over the whole breakfast thing (and I am) but boy, everywhere I turn I see reminders of him. Strange but it doesn’t matter.

I have three goals this break

1. Grow in Christ.

2. Study my books like my life depends on it.

3. Forget totally about that existential crisis (not the guy please, just that phase).

The only place that’ll probably help me achieve 70% of my goals is a library. I feel like I’ve listed so many goals on here already 😂. Come Monday, nothing would stop me from going to a library. I don’t know which yet but nothing will stop me. I want to say more but I’m learning to be mysterious😭.

Please if you have suggestions on how to study at home before Monday or libraries in Abuja, let me know. It’ll be greatly appreciated. There are little things I’ve been enjoying like watching the news, lighting candles and editing videos.

I’ve been eating like a thief, if you don’t believe me check this TikTok. Someone should really drag me out on Monday. Believe me, libraries work for me. Thankfully I have a sister that’ll slap me out of this house. Tata for now my darlings. Let me pick out my election outfit😅.

Totally random, do you think a guy should give the gifts or start the show of affection before you reciprocate?

Sometime this week the streets of twitter were noisy because someone said that if you’re in love with someone or in a relationship with them then texting every morning shouldn’t be hard. What do you think?

Just a side bar to you lot; if you chose the second option on the two polls, don’t recommend anyone for me ejor. If you like call it broke people’s mentality that’s not my business. You’re a spec but so am I.

Valentine’s Day was close and I decided beforehand that I wasn’t going to be oppressed. After all, the people on my contact list were as single as I was.

As usual I had a plan for that day- go to the lab, watch cartoons till I drop, eat, sleep, check twitter and “awwn” till I’m tired, eat, sleep. That was going well until I received a call to pick up a package from a logistics company beside my school. Ahahnn, me like this? Single Pringle?!?

Of course I did a quick scan through potential talking stages and I cancelled them as quickly as I thought of them. Then I remembered that my friend who claimed to be single with me had previously told me to pick up a package for her on the 14th.

I shamelessly dressed up faster than ever and waited for my roommate to do the same. Off to the lab and then to pick up the package.

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On my way to the lab the delivery guy called and said he was at the gate. Long story short he was at the wrong gate and when he finally got to the college gate he called, asked where I was. “I’m at the college gate, where are you?” “What are you doing there?” Then I heard a bunch of people laughing hysterically.

It was then it dawned on me that I had been pranked. Emi???!!!! But why?! I’ve been staying in my lane or was someone from the past haunting me? The speed at which I ended the call was faster than Kuroko’s ignite pass Kai! (Kuroko no basket). Day of love in the mud. Anyway I just laughed and cried to my Snapchat babies.

I found out later on that I wasn’t the only one and I felt somewhat relieved. Apparently some of my juniors got my number from wherever and thought it wise to do that. Perhaps next year I’d have something better to occupy myself with.

My life lately has been so boring. I wonder why.

People born on 14th how does it feel to not actually have a birthday?😂 The Valentines package organisers this year were more than the lovers. Everything was for him or for her. They left us singles alone. I think if I had seen a package curated for singles or something related to self love I’d have bought one for myself. Vendors do better! Anyway I gave myself a gift and felt really good.

Speaking of gifts, I have the sweetest friends. So you know how the book of the month is Atomic Habits yeah? Between the last letter and now I’ve received two copies from my friends. I got one as an early birthday present and another for Vals day😭. Sweet💕

Book Update: I’ve spent more time watching Kuroku no basket than I have reading the book. I honestly might not finish it before the month ends but we’d see how that goes.

Check out my Instagram and TikTok. I think I’m more interesting there.

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Side bar: thank you Com4t for giving me a money multiplication scheme. Might not be used but thank you.

On the bright side, I was able to save a bit of money because I turned on Autosave with PiggyVest. It might not be much but it’s enough to cover a rainy day. I set my AutoSave frequency to be daily and some days when I’d be thinking of how to make more money, I’d receive a debit email courtesy PiggyVest. As hard as it was, I resisted the urge to turn it off. So if you’re like me and getting to save on your own is a hassle, I’d suggest you try PiggyVest. There are several saving options on there that you’d love and would work well for you.

Create a PiggyVest account🤷🏽‍♀️

To this end I created a budget for the month. This is the template I used.

It may or may not work for you- it has to work for me because the shege I saw last month mustn’t repeat itself.

I’ve also written down goals for the month. I classified them into physical, spiritual, academic, social and financial goals. By now you should have goals for the year. If you don’t, set them today. Break your goals into smaller bits, little steps to achieve them. If you want your dream body- gym (or save money for your surgery), get fit- exercise or play a sport, want to have something to talk about that isn’t gossip- read books, watch the news, join a club. Want to draw closer to God- study your Bible, want to be a millionaire- invest in something profitable, want to get a million followers- create content consistently. By now you should get the drift. So sit down and curate these little goal-achieving steps and spread them wisely.

With whatever you decide, make sure your goals are realistic. I would’ve gone with SMART but you’ve probably heard that a million times. If you haven’t then make your goals Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely. Don’t set what you know you won’t keep up with. I get the idea of reinventing yourself but let’s be honest, you’re not going to jump from taking short daily walks to exercising 5 days a week. You know the truth.

February is commonly associated with love and so you should prioritise self love. Take yourself out, take more intentional showers, pedicures, eat healthy, laugh more, journal, show love to others, smile more, do things that make you happy.

If you have a significant other don’t leave them behind in this show of love. Prioritising self love doesn’t imply that you should be a nasty human to others.

There’s this book I’ve been seeing everywhere- Atomic Habits by James Clear.

I think it’s one of those habit building books (obviously) and I’m going to read it this month. Do you want to know how that goes? It’s a New York Times bestseller but isn’t almost every book one?

There are different types of joy when you’re in school but nothing beats “the test has been cancelled”. I had a test scheduled for Thursday but my God never flops! The test wasn’t cancelled, it was postponed. Well potaTO, poTAto.

At the end of the month we’d reconvene and I’d tell you if my goals were met. I’m pretty tired from donating blood. Do you want that story? Let me know in the comments. Till next week, adios amigos y amigas.

* I’m really grateful for them🥹❤️*

This feels like it’s meant to be in the chat section but anyhoo it’s here already. How’s your week going? Looking forward to the weekend?

As a smart babe I decided to visit my friends more often than normal and boy did they feed me well. The second day Chat (one of the people blessed to have me) offered me the same meal she gave me the previous day, I was flabbergasted! *I was in fact happy and thankful*

I don’t want to eat poison🤢

I went to pick up my PVC because I am the change I want to see and because it was the last day for collections at the local government levels or something like that. I was going to wait a bit but the thought of the queue at the head office got me trekking to the school. I felt like the main character. I had only seen schools like that in old nollywood movies so I was excited because I’d never seen that and a bit sad because children have to study in that environment.

The hurdles to pick up this card were so many ranging from the long walk to the mini runs because mad people were everywhere and the first keke guy that dropped us off halfway to our destination. Hmmm, it is well.

Of course what’s January without a test? After lazing about for a month and relaxing like I’d graduated I returned to hear about a test. I wasn’t perturbed because only Jesus can test me😌. As always I planned how I was going to study for the test and cover all the topics in 15 days. Lee-maoo. By the time it was two days to the test I was already making permutations of test questions, figuring out what I needed to study to get 50%. Tuesday came by so quickly and I started hearing strange things from the mouths of the same people that claimed to be unprepared. Ahhhh my course mates can lie!!!! It be your own people! To think that I was an efiko in secondary school, smh.

I saw the questions and thought “wahala dey oh”. Of course I couldn’t leave my pages blank so I scribbled everything I could scribble when the only thing I was sure of was classification of vitamins. I was about to give up when I remembered that my “billionaire” dreams must come to pass.  After the test I resolved in my heart that I had passed because my marking scheme is different. Iykyk.

As if that wasn’t enough my phone charger stopped working and my bunkmate was kind enough to let me use hers. It stopped too because this school is just rubbish. At this point I had to reach out to my sponsors because 3k can’t buy two type c chargers😂. It’s at points like this I’m grateful that I don’t look like what I’m going through. The good thing about starting a new week is that I’d get to have free Sunday lunch before navigating the energy-draining streets laid by Hippocrates. To hop keke or order a ride today? Rich people’s problems…

What do you think your week is going to be like? Drop some money multiplication tips for me so that I’d be a baller again.

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Allow yourself to heal. I know there’s so much to do and you want to heal and get it over with. Pause. Breathe. Cry. Let it all out. Go through all the stages of loss. Don’t force yourself to quickly accept it, don’t hold back how you feel (in your safe space) because you don’t want to look weak. Embrace it. Allow yourself to heal. Allow God to heal you. It’s part of life. This would’ve happened at some point in some shape or form. Shebi if I had money I’d be crying on a yacht in Dubai😩. Listen to that playlist but don’t let it drench your soul. What matters is your healing.

I never knew that bargaining came before anger and depression could last throughout the process. It might be different for you. It probably would be and that’s okay.

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At some point you’d wonder if it’s your fault or not. It’s not. Really it isn’t (for me though y’all be easy😂). You can’t force someone to love you so you should have the decency to walk away. At least in your next relationship you’d have your non-negotiables and stand by them.

You would look back and see that you gave your all, did your best and even if you didn’t you’d know better. You’d also probably look back and be thankful. Thankful that you have been fed a meal to satisfy you beyond your expectations. Thankful that you were saved from something that would’ve ruined you totally.

If anything at all I feel more motivated than ever to be a better woman. I have a clearer vision of the person I want to be. Maybe not everything completely but there’s this zeal to do more.

Of course I’ve accepted that it’s done and I don’t believe I’d want it anymore but at the same time I think about how this could’ve been different. How this should’ve remained just friendship. How the first click was misinterpreted as something else and how being best friends would’ve been the right choice. Some friendships are worth more than we give them credit for. Oh to turn back the hands of time.

It’s a popular belief that we shouldn’t be friends with our exes. I don’t think it’s completely false or true. What do you think? Do you think it can be done?

On a lighter note dear singletons,

It makes a lot of sense in this cold season😂. Don’t come for me, I’m one of you now😅

If you’re struggling with some sort of heartache from love I’d suggest you listen to this.

Or you try this

Podcasts to help you through a breakup

My friend reminded me that time heals all wounds. You’d definitely get over this. It also helps to have people that care truly about you to remind you of how much you’re loved and how safe you can be with them. Don’t open up to your enemies!!! Whatever happens when you do is your business.

If after spending 5 minutes reading this and you’re still not convinced, you’d get over it.

Biko don’t use someone’s child as your rebound. Ędákun don’t be unfortunate. Now I’m off to cover up the lectures I missed… story of my life🚶🏾‍♀️.

They say love makes you do so many things. What they forgot to mention was that heartbreak does the same. You never know what comes next.

According to Cruse Bereavement Support there are 5 stages of grief- denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I don’t know what stage I’m at yet but I believe heartbreak is a form of grief and maybe starting a newsletter is my coping mechanism. It’s easier than crying honestly and I’m not even out of breath yet.

As you must’ve realised I was recently served a breakfast platter which I paid for a long time ago but it was so far off that I forgot completely about it. It was served with a side of coleslaw and a dash of jalapeño sauce with promise of brunch if it continued.

I come from an African household and even though I was sad I just couldn’t completely express it because there were dishes to be washed and errands to run. Between that and the lectures I have, there’s no time for grief so I’ve opted for this.

How long does it take for you to get over breakfasts? Have you ever been served or do you do the serving? Please I hope you’re not a walking ogbanje.

Do you think I’d eventually agree with Lord Alfred Tennyson? Subscribe to find out!