I’ve always felt things too deeply, taken them too personally. I remember crying to my mother in my bedroom shortly after the best friend incident, telling her that nobody likes me. That concept of my little kid self—my most carefree, most authentic self—being fundamentally unworthy or wrong was an idea that affected how I interacted with the world from that moment on.

I couldn’t pretend well enough to be popular among my middle and high school peers, but on the other hand, I couldn’t exactly be my little weirdo self around a bunch of judgmental suburban preteens. So I tried to become no one. Instead of being a person, I tried to be the idea of one. I verbalized no strong feelings or controversial opinions, and I kept my nerdier interests and hobbies to myself. I projected a bland shell rather than embodying who I really wanted to be. You can’t love a pleasant shell of a person, but you can’t really hate them, either. In that, I was safe.

Years later, at a writing conference, I pitched my sapphic fantasy novel to an agent, who asked me to send over a partial manuscript. I did, and received a very kind rejection with the following (paraphrased) feedback: “great writing, but lacking in emotional interiority”.

I take my wins where I can get them in my publishing journey, and so I spent a moment basking in the “great writing” component of the feedback before I faced the uncomfortable truth. The agent’s feedback is not the first of its kind. I tell emotions more than I show them, because that is the extent to which I let myself experience difficult emotions.

I intellectualize them. I name the undercurrent to my thoughts. I journal about them. I get into rut after rut about the same few feelings. But, as my therapist has pointed out, I don’t usually let myself feel hard emotions in my body—I don’t process them somatically. Growing up, it was painful to process the depths of my difficult feelings, to analyze and understand rejection, so along the way I learned to flatten myself and my reactions to things. Of course that manifested in my writing, flattening my POV character’s emotional journey to the idea of one.

My therapist tells me I have “chameleon energy” (or high-masking autism). I have a high level of empathy, a high level of interest in other people. I like my natural curiosity, my probing mind; it has made me an avid reader, a consumer of stories, a seeker of emotions. I want to know why people do the things they do. I enjoy thinking about how we are influenced by our environments and our upbringings.

And all of that is helpful when it comes to writing broadly. It allows me to slip in and out of character perspectives, to pull tidbits from our world and incorporate them into surreal ones. But it does not allow me to write deeply about a character’s emotional state, because for many years I avoided deeply feeling my own emotions.

As I’ve passed my mid-20’s, this masking habit of mine has gotten old. It led to a less than desirable reliance on alcohol and marijuana to forcibly lower my defenses so I could “be myself”. I have grown sick of the burnout. I have less and less patience for pretending to be someone I am not.

I want to feel like a grounded human being, and I want to write more deeply embodied characters. And these two things are inextricably linked.

So, you may be wondering, what am I doing to embody more emotional interiority in my personal and writing life?

First and foremost, I am focusing on living my own narrative instead of only consuming the narratives of other people. I am still reading (I will always be reading), and I am still interested in other people, but I am also turning that natural curiosity onto myself. Who am I? Who have I been, and who do I want to become?1

I am practicing mindfulness—5-10 minutes of morning meditation, and my usual daily journaling. I am engaged in good, focused therapeutic work with a provider I trust. I have deleted most social media, and I am avoiding filling my time with doomscrolling. I have scaled back my substance use. I let myself sit in silence and sobriety, and I see what arises. I am focusing on the bodily sensations of my emotions. I do not just notice “anger” or “tension” but I note the tightness in my throat, the grinding of my jaw.

I am living a more balanced life—making and maintaining friendships, going out, forcing myself to be a little awkward or vulnerable in the name of authenticity. I am prioritizing self-expression over trying to keep everyone comfortable. I am working on noticing when I am forcing myself to “act” and scaling it back even a few degrees. I am trying to find security in myself, and not from the validation or approval of other people. I am doing all of this imperfectly, and my progress is incremental, as all progress is.

Other potential solutions discussed with my therapist have included rock climbing and local theater. Both act as outlets—the first for the strategic side of my brain, the second for my masking ability—and both connect intellectual/emotional channeling with physical expression and release.

This cobbled-together method walks the line of sitting with my emotions without over-ruminating on them. The key is living my life, not just curating the image of one, and feeling the feelings that arise instead of just thinking about feelings (or even thinking about potential feelings, which was a habit of mine).

My hope is that this approach both helps me feel like I can express my real, authentic self and helps me write characters that feel like real, authentic people.

Curiously, this investigation into my tendency to avoid difficult emotions has been a huge component of my current WIP, a cyberpunk novel in which the main character uses technology as a means of avoidance and literal memory suppression. The story comes to a head when her methods of escapism begin to fail—but I won’t spoil the ending!

Fiction is an art that asks us to examine both ourselves and the world around us in the hopes of capturing a single facet of the many-faced human experience. The more voraciously we live, and the more deeply we reflect, the more poignant and authentic our writing becomes. If you or your work take no stance and evoke no strong emotions—if you are/create a polished, bland shell that people neither love nor hate… well, you won’t have offended anyone, but you won’t really have accomplished anything, either. You will have avoided judgment, and also avoided life.

Choose authenticity. Choose depth. And above all else, silence the judgmental suburban preteen living in your head.

Thanks for reading! This was a highly personal piece, but I hope you found some value or interest in it.

I’ll catch you next time—

Allie

*names changed for privacy

But just because I have been on Substack hiatus does not mean I have not been productive, reader! My creative energy was rerouted away from short form articles and into the first draft of my current novel, which I recently finished during my artist residency at the Byrdcliffe Guild in Woodstock, New York.

The Byrdcliffe Arts Colony was started in 1902, as a utopian “brotherhood of artists” formed from the Arts and Crafts movement. In its 120+ year history, it has housed a number of notable artists, including Bob Dylan, The Band, Milton and Sally Avery, and Chevy Chase. I was lucky enough to be admitted to their communal artists-in-residence program for August, and spent three and half weeks communing with talented writers, painters, ceramicists, and musicians.

Unlike retreats, which are often more structured/workshop-focused, residencies provide artists with time and space to work on their existing craft.

I went with the intention of finishing the first draft of my cyberpunk novel, and devoted my time to getting the final sequence solidified and written down (which I did with a few days to spare!).

At Byrdcliffe, my days took on a sweet kind of simplicity—morning journaling on the porch of Eastover (the four-person house I stayed in, which will forever have my heart), some dedicated writing time in the early afternoon, and then evenings spent with other artists-in-residence. There were frequent trips to the swimming hole (Big Deep), and outings to karaoke, queer line dancing, art museums, and hiking trails.

I enjoyed downtown Woodstock quite a bit. I did miss having more than two (overpriced) options for iced coffee, and good ethnic food, but the mountain town was cute and quirky and had its own charm.

Aside from writing and smoking a lot of weed, I got up to various shenanigans, including:

• bartending at a concert put on by The Fugs, who allegedly exorcised and levitated the Pentagon in 1967 as an act of protest against the Vietnam War (these guys were still rocking it in their 80s!)

• convincing myself the bat outside my room snuck into the house overnight and infected me with rabies

• hiking 2.5 miles straight up Overlook Mountain and exploring the ruins of a burnt down hotel

• watching a local production of Shakespeare’s The Two Gentlemen of Verona

• accidentally trespassing because i was entranced by a beautiful pond

• making chicken noodle soup

• bear-spotting

• trying to figure out if any of my fellow artists-in-residence were hooking up with each other (some, in fact, were!)

• communing with the trees to try to figure out the meaning of life

So, all in all, I spent August in a haze of writing, community, and time in nature. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to share space on the mountain with so many wonderful artists. I came back to my daily life feeling accomplished, refreshed, inspired, and changed—in some subtle way I cannot quite name. It was a much-needed reset.

Thank you for reading, and for sticking around during my long hiatus. Now that I’m pivoting to editing my novel, I hope to get back into a rhythm of creating content for Substack once again :)

Have a wonderful rest of your week! Take a walk and drink some water.

Much love,

Allie

p.s. please please please check out Aleisha Fitz, Beau Strickland, and Greta Kresse, who were just three of many EXTREMELY talented artists present during my time at Byrdcliffe

bonus pics:

The Dragon Maiden is a high fantasy epic that takes place within the Confederation of Syrith, a sociopolitical alliance of nine vastly different nations.

Ria Dovell, a devout follower of the Draconic Code, left her home nation of Velda ten years ago in order to serve as a maiden to Kaida, the last living dragon god. After being falsely accused of forsaking her sacred vows and losing her maidenhood, Ria is arrested and put on trial in the capital nation of Tyburn.

With the help of Mina Amiri, a sympathetic Royal Guard, and Tyrene Evert, the third-born, wild-child princess of Aelyia, Ria tries to prove her innocence— and, in the process, becomes embroiled in a political scandal that draws into question her understanding of herself, her faith, and her nation. As the unlikely group attempts to clear Ria’s name, free the dragon god Kaida, and keep the nine nations from going to war, they must navigate assassinations, abductions, and other events that threaten to fracture the foundation of the centuries-old Confederation of Syrith.

-How I described my novel when presenting it at my Master’s symposium.

THE DRAGON MAIDEN began as my Master’s project. I’d already written several novel manuscripts, but never before had I edited one—let alone thought about trying to get it published. This story was the first one I ever shared with other writers. I workshopped it in a small group with three other girls, all of us aspiring fantasy authors. I dreamed of the plot twists and pivotal scenes on walks and long car rides for months before penning them into existence. This novel, written in two-hour naptime chunks at my nanny job, occupied nearly three years of my life. It was, at the time, the best thing I’d ever written. I poured my 23-year old heart and soul into it, using the characters to explore elements of my own deconversion, my sexuality, my thoughts about the world I was maturing into.

I presented the completed manuscript at my senior symposium, and carried that adrenaline straight into querying the novel to literary agents. I was proud of this novel; I thought it was the first I’d written that stood a chance at getting published. What actually happened is I shot rookie numbers in the querying game (five agents… girl, be serious), took rejection to heart, and set the novel aside. I told myself it was fine; I’d learned a lot from writing it and could use what I’d gained to write my next novel, which would definitely be the one to get picked up. I had a plethora of glittering ideas that had not been tested (and, more importantly, had not yet failed); they proved the perfect distraction from my feelings of inadequacy.

Years later, after publishing two short stories, writing another novel, querying that one, and starting another, I began reading The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. In week nine of twelve, the book—meant to re-inspire and reconnect blocked artists with their creative sides—asked me to look at my abandoned projects, to see if any were salvageable.

Funnily, I’d received an email earlier that week from someone who had found my writer’s website. They asked about the project from my writing symposium. They wanted to know what had happened to The Dragon Maiden.

I told them the truth: it had gotten no traction. I told them another truth: I loved writing that novel. I was honored someone else (a stranger, no less) remembered it with enough fondness to ask about it two years later.

Like a true-blooded perfectionist, I look back on my old work and view it in relation to its shortcomings. The Dragon Maiden never landed me an agent, and never gained traditional publishing traction in the way I dreamed it would. And the process of querying that novel generated a host of negative thoughts. It just wasn’t that good. If agents don’t like it, then no one else needs to read it, etc. etc.

So I buried it for a while. But neither Julia Cameron nor this kind emailer would let my creative hurts stay buried. After I responded to the email, I opened up The Dragon Maiden, and it all came rushing back.

Sure, perhaps it’s not written in the exact way I would write it today. Perhaps I was a little clumsier with my craft. But damn, I loved this novel. I may not have loved querying it, but I loved writing it. I loved immersing myself in this world—and it would be a real shame if I never shared it with anyone merely because it was passed over by a handful of agents.

I’ve been unlearning my perfectionism, my all-or-nothing thinking, in all areas of my life. My creative life is an arena I’m unlearning it in, too. Me releasing this now, in this manner, with no expectations and no pressure, is an acknowledgment of my love for this novel and the hard work I put into it.

A creative life is a journey, and this was a legitimate step in mine. It’s worth honoring. It’s worth sharing. It’s worth claiming.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much I enjoyed writing it.

You can read the first chapter here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the Dragon Maiden Substack for weekly updates!

xx Allie

I was first introduced to Sue Clancy via a follower recommendation, and thus had no idea the delight that awaited me when I typed her name into my search bar. Sue is a visual artist and illustrator whose work has been exhibited in public institutions and private collections around the country. Her fine art is represented by Caplan Art Designs, The Aurora Gallery, The Joseph Gierek Fine Art Gallery, and The 23 Sandy Gallery.

On her Substack A.M. Sketching, Sue shares her mourning routine of eating breakfast and creating whimsical pieces of art, often accompanied by personal musings and reflections. As a sucker for cute and goofy animal art, I immediately fell in love with the drawings and illustrations in her sketchbook—but I also found myself admiring the snippets of her philosophy that accompany them. Her mindset is so quietly, peacefully rebellious. It is a refusal to take part in today’s growing culture of judgment and anger. Sue finds beauty in the ordinary, meaning in the everyday, and makes it magical.

I reached out to Sue and found her just as delightful as her sketches. We discussed our cats, navigating queerness in the midst and wake of religious fundamentalism, and the importance of having (and being!) older LGBTQ+ role models. I could go on and on about Sue, but I’ll let her speak for herself in these insightful and thoughtful interview responses, interspersed with her visual work*.

What first inspired you to draw? What inspires you now?

Some of my earliest childhood memories are of sitting at my grandmother's kitchen table drawing. She kept a chipped ceramic cup full of pens and pencils next to a stack of paper for me to use and use them I did because the world was a visual place for me as a deaf kid. So I would often fold these sheets of paper into "book pages", carry them in my pocket and I'd try to draw the animals and other things I saw in my public library books or in the world. I liked to climb grandma's pear tree with my paper and a pen and make my "osserpervations" [little deaf kid speak for "observations"] of birds, bugs, cats, dogs, plants and anything else in the neighborhood. I began to write and illustrate my first "book" at age 6 or 7 which I titled "The Be Quietness Book" in which I described, with words and drawings, things that made noise. I lived primarily with my grandmother but had to visit my biological parents one weekend per month. In my biological parents house I was always in trouble for making noises. As a deaf kid I had no clue what made noise and what didn't so I took careful notes in my book in order to try to figure it out and hopefully be less often in trouble. It didn't work as I was still in trouble all the time at my biological parents house. But grandma liked my work on my book. I didn't get hearing aids until I was 8 years old at which time noises became slightly less mysterious.

Nowadays I'm still using my creativity to visually explore and respond to my world using words and images. Currently I'm studying nonsense literature (think Edward Lear and Lewis Carroll) and it's past use as a way to protest against the linguistic abuses by oppressive regimes that use tactics like gaslighting, DARVO etc. The playfulness of nonsense literature helps us remember that meanings of words and images are collaborative - we make meaning together with our reality of shared, lived, experiences. Meaning and understanding is not dictated by "authority" - they may try to dictate things but lived reality usually wins.

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What does your artistic process look like? Do you find it feels segmented from your daily life, or does it integrate itself pretty seamlessly?

It is my life!! It's a seamless part of my daily life. I start most mornings by drawing in my sketchbook during breakfast. My Substack is called "A.M. Sketching" and most Friday's I share what draw (and what inspired it) during the week. Generally my routine is like this: I draw in my sketchbook while having coffee and breakfast. After breakfast and sketchbook play are done I go to my studio, a room in our house, and do painting and drawing work on easels. I break for lunch. Back to work. Later in the afternoon I'll take a "book break" and read for 20 minutes or so. Back to work. Then I break for dinner followed by a rambling walk with my wife. Then I read print books for 30 minutes or so before bedtime. I write my Substack, check my email, perhaps some social media somewhere within the day but I try to minimize random scrolling. I say "general routine" because it doesn't always go like that -but that's my preferred routine for a creative day. No matter what's happening I usually have pen and paper nearby so I can be ready when an interesting thought or observation happens. Even when my day is full of allegedly non-creative things, like physical therapy or grocery shopping, I'm prepared for creativity. Life is creativity and creativity is life.

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Are there any locations that inspire your creativity more than others?

No, anywhere is capable of inspiring me - I was fortunate to have a professor in art school who taught that inspiration is something that comes from inside us, it's a way of looking and exploring, it's an attitude of openness and curiosity, so that anything - even your sock drawer - can become a source of artistic inspiration. That said public libraries and bookstores, my book shelves at home are treasure troves of inspiration for me! The interplay of reading books and then responding via writing words and drawing pictures is enchanting to me and reliably gets my creative juices flowing!

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How has your art evolved over the course of your life?

OMG! How much time do you have for a 1000 page reply?! Ha!! I'll try to keep it short: my creative thinking has morphed slowly over time from strictly observations/documentations of the external world to observations/documentations of my internal world and then to a collaborative dance between what is in my external/internal worlds and what could be. As I've gotten older my emphasis is increasingly on imagination. Specifically on imagining a kinder more gentle and empathetic way of living and being.

If your question is more about art techniques, well, I've gone through all sorts of phases and combinations of phases: chalk/pastel drawing, digital art, print making (screen print, lithography, hand carved block printing), handmade paper making, hand book binding, fabric art, costume design, welding/metal sculpture, ceramics, ceramic sculpture, paper sculpture, mixed media collage, drawing, painting, cartooning, writing poetry and short stories... I've used whatever methods helped me put my thoughts and feelings into tangible forms. I practiced the various techniques and methods until I could do the technique easily enough that I could focus on expressing myself.

I've worked professionally as a graphic designer, illustrator, photographer, press pre-production technician, biological/zoological illustrator, sign maker, children's book writer/illustrator, costume designer and production manager, editorial cartoonist, cartoon strip creator, fine artist, lecturer... I'm sure I've forgotten something. I've been doing something creative for both fun and money since I was 15 years old. I started exhibiting my fine art in art galleries at age 18 and have worked with art galleries constantly since then. One of the galleries I worked with for over 30 years until the owner retired. I'm still working with galleries as a fine artist. I'm still doing my kids books and other projects as an author/artist. Come to think of it digital art, ceramics and metal welding are the only things on the above list that I've almost completely stopped doing.

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What recurring themes do you notice in your art?

Animals, books, food, drink, words, music, plants, trees, flowers, patterns, whimsy, word play, good mental health, love, delight.

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Do you have any pieces/projects that have really stuck with you throughout the years?

Doing the illustration and collecting the text for "Dr Bob's Emotional Repair Program First Aid Kit" has affected every aspect of my creativity and my relationships with myself and other people. I did the book illustrations in the early 1990's as stand-alone accompanying art for display during Dr. Bob Hoke's lectures. Much later, in 2012 or so, at Dr Bob's request, I combined my art and his lecture notes into book form, both ebook and printed, which he used in his psychiatric practice. All of that work revolutionized my thinking. Even now I keep a printed copy of this "first aid kit" in my bathroom and refer to it often. If there's anything I'm proudest of having accomplished it's this.

Here's a link

https://store.bookbaby.com/book/dr-bobs-emotional-repair-program-first-aid-kit1

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Do you consider art to be a hobby, or a calling? Why?

I consider art to be as much a part of me as my lungs and heart. If I go too long without making or at least encountering art I get "the bends" like they talk about in scuba diving.

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What are the biggest life lessons you’ve learned/reinforced through your art?

In a painting the perception of one color is often influenced by the color next to it. It's okay to "not know" whether putting that color there will work or not and try it there and then change it if it doesn't work. What I paint first often doesn't seem correct, not exactly what I envisioned when I began, so I adapt to what is there now and try to help it become something related to my vision that's good enough. I learn about my thinking in this process of doing and redoing. My process is akin to the idea of rewriting; you do a "dump draft" where you get your idea out there and then in the subsequent "rewriting" phases you shape it. I firmly believe that 90 percent of being an artist is knowing how to fix mistakes or how to accept/roll with the "happy accident" and adapt. 10 percent of creativity is just being willing to show up and start something. Another 10 percent (part of the 90 percent) is the willingness to be patient and adapt to what is. I find this is true of personal relationships too.

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I’m queer, and my queerness plays a large part in my writing. Do you find the same in your own art?

Yes!! Absolutely!! My art is rooted in my biography, in who I am as a lesbian, as a Deaf person, as a person who grew up in the conservative Southern Baptist Oklahoma region to a biological family with a mentally ill mother whose personal religious extremism fit in with the extremely religious geographic region. Coming out lesbian in the 1980's led to being kicked out of my biological family (my grandma died when I was 13) at age 15, being a homeless gay youth, then later being informally adopted by the absolutely amazing Hoke family.... all of that plays a huge part of my artwork and life today. To give you an example: as a homeless 15 year old I handlettered and illustrated a baker/deli daily menu board in exchange for food. Today I handwrite/handletter my artwork on an almost daily basis.

Throughout my life have used art making to cheer myself up during hard times, as a way to care for my own mental health. I lean on my artwork to celebrate and care for myself and other people around me now. I pay attention to my daily life, to the bioregion I live in (the Pacific Northwest) and to what's going on culturally both locally and around the world. I have a quote thumbtacked to my studio wall that says "The artist does not simply hold a mirror to society. If the world now is greedy the artist must be generous. If there is war and hate the artist must be peaceful and loving. If the world is insane the artist must offer sanity and if the world is becoming a void the artist must fill it with their soul." My paraphrase of Robert Chatham.

Back in the late 1980's when I was living in Oklahoma I came out and got involved with my college's gay/lesbian alliance (the rest of the LGBTQ+ alphabet hadn't been recognized yet). The college wouldn't allow our 6 to 8 member student group to meet anywhere on campus, because we were homosexuals, so we joined the states local chapter of the HIV/AIDS activist group ActUP which met in a nearby city. That group taught me a lot about responding to bullies with humor/careful placement of my attention. I learned from ActUp the importance of kindness and love as a first response when facing bullies. For example when encountering a bully/victim situation to focus primarily on helping the person who got harmed - later you can shout at/report the person who caused the harm. This response deprives the bully of the attention they want and instead gives attention to the peaceful person. More generally, we advocated, in daily life, to build/create what you *want* in the world. Don't just react to or focus on the problems. It's not what happens to you that's the important part. What's important is your response and what you do next. That concept - and my later work illustrating Dr Bob's Emotional Repair Program First Aid Kit - all play a huge part in why I create what I do and I got there from my queerness.

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Do you have any preferences for the types of visual art you create (pencil/pen/watercolor/acrylic/etc.)? Are there any you avoid?

I currently prefer fountain pens, dip pens and inks, gouache paints, acrylics. In the past collage and hand bookbinding would have been high on the list too - but it's especially hard to do collage or bookbinding with your leg elevated in a cast so over the last year drawing, painting and writing with pens, inks and paints have been my go-to rather than collage.

As for art techniques I avoid: anything using a computer. I find Artificial Intelligence especially abhorrent and have a deep retching revulsion to A.I. images and the way A.I. can be so easily used to steal from other humans.

Back in the late 1980's early 1990's when computers and digital art and digital photography were new I was quite interested - keenly active in using it - but I've fully recovered from that digital madness now. I'm even minimizing my social media use nowadays.

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Who’s an artist you admire, and why?

I have large a number of artists that I admire and I define the term "artist" here to include writers, illustrators, sculptors/painters, book artists, fiber artists, poets, musicians and dancers. So in no particular order they are: Tom Robbins, Maya Angelou, Edward Lear, Oscar Wilde, Edward Gorey, Twila Tharp, Joan Jonas, Louise Bourgeois, Mary Oliver, Eric Carle, Pete Seeger, Billie Letts, Andrea Gibson, Sharon Sala, Ursula K Le Guin, Shereen LaPlantz, Kurt Vonnegut, Ai Weiwei, Sinead O'Connor, Tomi Ungerer, Maurice Sendak, Beverly Cleary, Janis Ian, Joy Harjo, Jaune Quick-to-See Smith, Shaun Tan, Maud Lewis, Jacob Lawrence, Michael Rosen, Chris Roberts-Antieau, Maria Kalman, N.K. Jemisin, Kelly Barnhill, Jill Badonsky.

I've probably left out somebody... but the common thread among almost all of them, why I admire them, is that they overcame adversities and, via their art, transformed those difficulties into something beautiful or uplifting. They didn't let the bad things in life stop them from their creativity - in fact it became/becomes fuel for their work. And *despite* personal adversity - tragedy even - they've generously given themselves and the world the gifts of their creativity. Also, they reflected their own voice, heritage, life experiences within their artworks persisting in their expressions in spite of pressures to conform or otherwise diminish their creative spirits.

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Do you think we all have an artist inside us? And if so, what do you think it is that holds some people back from their creativity?

I think we're all born creative. Every little kid is creative and inventive with things in their world, using items in surprising, unorthodox, creative, ways. A kid will often sing, make rhythmic sounds, draw and dance before they've seen or been taught anything about singing, rhythm, drawing or dancing! They'll have their own sense of fashion and will wear a cape, a helmet or a tiara with a tutu (or whatever) and it won't bother them a bit that no one else in the room is wearing a cape or tutu! What holds older people back from their own creativity is self-consciousness, that same phenomenon that happens when a young kid starts trying to "fit in" with the other kids and stops wearing a cape with a tutu. Teenagers and young to middle-aged adults sometimes have bad cases of the "fit-in's" which often inhibits them in personally enjoying art or even lunch because they're too busy looking around to see if they're "doing it right" or "fitting in" or "keeping up with the Joneses". It's a serious undertaking to practice hearing your own inner creative voice while still being peacefully in cohabitation with people around you. It's a challenge to, metaphorically, allow yourself to wear a cape with your tutu again and simultaneously be aware of the world.

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What are the biggest struggles you’ve faced recently in your artistic life?

In January of 2024, I horribly injured my ankle. I still had previously scheduled exhibitions and art projects due during 2024 so I had to figure out how to paint flat on my back with my leg elevated in a cast. My wife was a wonderful help - she found me a small easel that could rest on my stomach and she'd wash out my brushes for me! Later as I got out of the cast and into physical therapy (which I'm still in as I write this) I've had to accommodate my leg/ability to stand and continue to produce my artwork. But I can stand for short lengths at my easel and wash my own brushes now! I've had to constantly adapt my way of working creatively while also healing physically. It's been a struggle on several levels.

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If you could sum up your artistic life in three words, what would they be?

Living, loving, exploring

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What are five things in your life that bring you joy?

Family, friends, nature, art supplies, books

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What projects are you currently working on?

A one-person fine art exhibit inspired by the poem 'The Owl and the Pussycat' by Edward Lear.

Also, some fine art commissions - paintings people have requested for particular places in their lives.

As a personal challenge I'm in the process of reading, over 1000 consecutive days, 1 essay, 1 short story, 1 poem per day. I'm on day 902 currently!

I'm the artist in residence for a locally owned stationary store called Eryngium Paperterie

https://www.eryngiumpapeterie.com/

I'm illustrating and writing a weekly Substack called A.M. Sketching.

A.M. Sketching

A bit of creativity, often whimsical, from Clancy's sketchbook to go with your morning coffee.

By Sue Clancy

For Storyberries.com, a book publisher distributor based in Australia, I'm writing and illustrating a series of original children's books. So far I've done 24 books. I'm currently working on a new story that will hopefully be available later this year. These are free stories available all over the world as ebooks.
https://www.storyberries.com/author/sue-clancy/

What about the future are you excited for?

I'm excited about all of my own projects which are already scheduled through 2026 - so I'm keen to see how those flow. I'm happily active in my local art scene - many excellent artists, writers and theater groups here! More generally I'm excited about the new fiction genre Hopepunk and I want to read more writers within that genre. I'm also excited about a new-to-me form of activism called "Imagination Activism" and I want to participate more than I already do. I'm avidly following what the "Freedom Cartoonist" organization is doing and the work Liza Donnelly and Ann Telnaes.

If you, or your readers aren't familiar with Hopepunk or Imagination Activism or the Freedom Cartoonist org here are some links:

Hopepunk:

https://www.vox.com/2018/12/27/18137571/what-is-hopepunk-noblebright-grimdark


Imagination Activism:

https://www.moralimaginations.com/imaginationactivism

Moral Imaginations

Introducing a new kind of activist: The Imagination Activist

In April 2022 I stood on a stage and introduced people to a new term to describe the movement I see emerging everywhere: Imagination Activism. It was in a concert hall in Stockholm before guiding 4,000 people from around the world through a collective imagination exercise …

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4 years ago · 134 likes · 16 comments · Phoebe Tickell

Freedom Cartoonist:

https://freedomcartoonists.com/

Seeing Things

Building Peace

Today I had lunch in Geneva with two amazing women, both of whom have for decades done much work for peace. Each worked with Secretary General Kofi Annan when he was presiding at the United Nations. Marie Huese is now Vice President of the Freedom Cartoonists…

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a year ago · 190 likes · 14 comments · Liza Donnelly

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If you could tell all artists one thing, what would it be?

Creating art, creating anything by hand nowadays - even a homecooked lunch - is an act of rebellion. So is reading, listening to or viewing the creativity of other humans. When you aren’t doing something creative with your own hands then read, listen and look at other peoples' creativity! Embrace original creativity in all of it's forms! Be curious! Fall in love with things in life via art! Creativity is the most essential thing in the world! Humans do creative, regenerative, collaborative things in the way that songbirds sing, and fish swim, it is an attribute of being a human being. Nature itself is creative, regenerative and collaborative. To create is to participate in being alive and living!!

Some people will tell you creativity - art - doesn't matter, it doesn't "pay", it's frivolous, etc... but they lie and they're manipulating your perceptions!! If art doesn't matter why are creative people and the art, books, etc. that they create so often the targets by abusers for control, removal, suppression or censorship? Why are homecooked lunches made by people you can see so often dismissed as "inferior" to mass-production meals made by monolithic corporations?

Art and creativity fucking matter - and abusive people and corporations are scared of it!!!

So practice staying on your creative path no matter what! If you get knocked off your path claw your way back asap! Create something every day! If you can't create then read! Find ways to keep your mental/creative life interesting and sustainable for yourself. Focus on listening to your inner voice and creating the best reflection of it that you can make despite any difficulties. Become okay with the messy uncertainty of the creative process. Defiantly be fully yourself and fully alive! As one of my favorite writers Tom Robbins says (and I paraphrase) "Joy in spite of everything. Not just mindless joy but joy in spite of everything. Recognizing the inequities, suffering and corruption and all that but refusing to let it rain on your parade. Joy in spite of everything."

I hope you found this interview inspiring and uplifting; I certainly feel better any time I dive into Sue’s mindset on life and the world around us! In times as turbulent and frightening as these, it helps to remember there are others out there who refuse to listen to the hateful rhetoric, who stand their ground in peace and self-assurance. Like the rest of these people, Sue Clancy serves as a beacon of hope in the darkness.

Thank you Sue, for being that light—and thank you for a wonderful interview! Readers, please consider subscribing to and supporting Sue on Substack and her personal website.

⠀

-Allie

*all images and artwork used in this interview were sourced from sue clancy’s website and substack, with her permission. when possible, all images link back to the post from which they came. some images were automatically cropped by substack’s gallery feature.

Introspective Ink is an entirely reader-supported publication. If you loved what you read and want to support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. If a monthly subscription isn’t in your budget, consider donating a few dollars through Buy Me a Coffee.

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So, this week, we’ll take a look at a passage from the novel I’m currently querying. I’ve put the first draft version, notes about what I addressed in my editing, and the version that made it into my final draft.

First Draft:

Saiya didn’t remember sunshine being warm. In all her memories, it was a bleak, watery, rare thing. Here, on the dirt road into Azuenne, it was a golden, living shower that bathed her in comfort. The fields to either side of her were vibrant with color, and there were large, soft-looking clouds in the blue sky. She heard birdsong instead of the dead, muffled silence of the forest. It was unnerving, and it made her angry.

The girls were to enter the city separately, staggered out so no one would link them to each other– or to Avery. Saiya was third to arrive, after Rhett and before Indra, but Avery had been overly cautious to worry about them being seen. So many people were pouring into the city, to attend the tourney or compete in it, that it was easy to get lost in the crowd.

Her horse was a temporary gift from Avery, and the chestnut mare was docile and obedient. It kept up a steady pace as she cleared the ends of the fields and approached the city gates.

A knight was guarding the gates, questioning all those who waited to enter. Saiya felt her usual flash of disdain for the pompous fool. Knighthood required being trained and sponsored by an established knight, so it was rare for anyone without the proper social connections to become a squire. Lordship and knighthood tended to overlap for that reason. Aside from that, they only learned from one person until they proved themselves spirited and honorable enough to earn the title of knight.

Avery’s girls had studied under countless experts. Knife-throwing, swordfighting, survival training, poisons and antidotes, hand-to-hand combat. They had been given only the best in each, and could easily outperform the ornamental ‘fighters’ that called themselves knights. Saiya had gutted one herself a few years ago, when she’d been camping on the mountains and he’d wandered too close and asked too many questions. Perhaps the ones that came from nobility and had trained throughout youth would prove to be more of a challenge.

She doubted it.

“What’s your business in the city?” The knight asked her as she stopped in front of him. The man was in his middle years, his brown hair and beard flecked with gray. Like most Azuennians, he had light brown skin and eyes, and a suffocating sense of self-importance.

Saiya watched him impassively. “I’m competing in the tourney.”

“Name?”

“Saiya.”

“Last name?”

“Don’t have one.”

He glanced over her bag, strapped to her horse and filled with a meager collection of clothing, and the sword sitting on her hip. Saiya disliked heavy armor, and wore only a black leather chestplate over her tunic. “Azuenne is a place of peace,” he said finally, looking back up at her unfriendly scowl. “Cause any problems, outsider, and you will be swiftly dealt with.”

“I wouldn’t dream of disrupting your cozy little wonderland,” she said, and he narrowed his eyes as if trying to detect if she was being sarcastic. After a moment, he waved her through.

That passage was the opening to chapter four in my first draft; in subsequent revisions, it moved to chapter one, and became the opening of the entire novel when I cut my prologue. As I revised this passage, I focused on reducing the amount of info-dumping, both when it came to worldbuilding and about Saiya as a character.

Additionally, I tried to make setting descriptions a bit more vivid. For the dialogue, I broke up the rapid-fire back and forth with more character action and description. I also added a bit of tension by having Saiya be physically inspected by the officials at the gate, instead of passing through without having to “prove” her non-infected status.

Current Draft:

Saiya wasn’t accustomed to sunshine. For most of her life, it had been a watery, rare occurrence. But here, on the cobbled road into Azuenne, the sun showered the world in brilliance. The rolling golden hills were vibrant with bursts of purple wildflowers. Soft-looking clouds billowed in an unnaturally blue sky. Saiya heard birdsong instead of the dead silence of the forest. It was beautiful, and unnerving, and it made her furious.

Her irritability was worsened by the mass of people around her, waiting to enter the capital’s western gate. Crowds were also a novelty. She’d been standing in line for hours, holding the reins of the mare Avery had lent her and tapping her foot until she was called forward.

“Name?” the official at the gate asked. He had the same musical accent as Avery, that purposeful Azuennian diction, clear and bright.

“Saiya.”

“Last name?”

“Don’t have one.” The dark-skinned man quirked an eyebrow, and she gave him a saccharine smile. “I’m just a poor orphan, sir. Never knew my last name.”

“Hmph.” He wrote something on his scroll. “Age?”

“Twenty-five.”

“Physician Reynaud will check you.” He motioned to a pale, spectacled woman waiting in the shadows. “Hand your horse to one of the guards.”

Saiya complied, following the black-robed physician into a room set within the enormous wall. When the door shut, and they were alone in the lantern light, she felt her first twinge of unease. What if something had gone wrong—what if the physician wasn’t one of Avery’s? Saiya was positive she was supposed to enter through the western gate, today, but what if she were mistaken? What if the woman really did check Saiya’s spine? Would she be able to fight her way out of here? Her hand drifted instinctively to the sword on her hip.

The petite woman peered at Saiya with owlish brown eyes. “The other three are already in the city,” she said. “Avery wants me to reiterate that you are not permitted to speak with them.”

There you have it! Plenty of other changes happened in my drafts along the way: whole scenes and chapters were cut, or spliced into a different order, and new ones were added. This was the best side-by-side comparison of a (mostly) unaltered scene.

Whether you write quickly or slowly, you won’t write perfectly. You’ll go back to your work and find things you want to change, or add, or remove. The joy of writing is found by doing it in a way that works for you. So whether you write as slowly as Donna Tartt, or as quickly as Brandon Sanderson, make sure you’re writing stories you’re excited to tell.

That’s it for the month of May! June means the start of Introspective Ink’s summer hiatus, and an upcoming interview from Sue Clancy. It also means a move to Connecticut for me—wish me luck, for I’m drowning in boxes!

See you next time,

Allie

Introspective Ink is an entirely reader-supported publication. If you loved what you read and want to support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. If a monthly subscription isn’t in your budget, consider donating a few dollars through Buy Me a Coffee.

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It’s a fairly standard experience on Substack (or any social media platform, really) to see notes or articles on how to “grow your following” or “improve your free to paid subscriber conversion rate”. There’s a definite focus on hacking the algorithm, on monetizing in the best possible way; the emphasis of these posts is on the business side of the platform, not the artistic side.

I understand that these methods are tried and tested, and that when working with an algorithm, they often bring some measure of success. I’m not critiquing anyone who engages with these methods; I’m more so pissed that I’m being made feel like I have to do this or that to draw an audience. I’m annoyed that I can’t just write what I want to write without feeling this constant, dull pressure. Everything has to be a numbers game. It has to be a competition. Your work has to be standardized, cornered into a niche, and you can never deviate or pivot or you risk losing followers.

That isn’t art, to me. That’s content production. That’s capitalism—a soulless, profit/growth-oriented focus on quantity over quality. There’s no freedom of self-expression, no room for experimentation or error.

I can’t bring myself to do it, quite honestly. I’ll do some things, like posting on a schedule, because I can appreciate consistency. But I won’t reduce my writing to a box whose label never changes.

When I see these posts about optimization, I’m reminded of a video I saw on how to make passive income by creating Youtube channels that pump out several videos per day. Everything on these channels, from the script to the voice-over to the video footage, is amassed and put together by AI. All the hopeful money-maker has to do is put forth a little initial effort, then sit back and watch the views roll in.

I’ve spoken already about artificial intelligence and the risk I believe it poses to art. My critique here is more about its place within the larger capitalist hellscape we inhabit. Our society, particularly on digital platforms, has fallen further and further into a cartoonish rat race of content. Optimize this and hack that, tweet this many times a day, use AI to increase your production speed.

Is everyone just throwing slop into a void where no one’s listening? AI-manufactured videos clog up Youtube. Bots are chatting with one another in comments on Twitter and Facebook. The internet inches ever closer to a wasteland devoid of authentic human life, and it is, quite frankly, demoralizing. Websites are becoming less usable, less enjoyable, and less genuine—for what? Ad revenue? A little profit?

I’ve gotten off a lot of social media for this reason, but I’ve kept some. I still watch the Youtubers I enjoy. I’ve joined Bluesky to connect with agents and authors. I enjoy Substack because, amid the noise, I’m still finding raw, genuine pieces of art here. There’s glimmers of hope amid countless posts about optimizing your Notes strategy.

We’re producing at warp speed—but what about consumption? When I look there, I see the same influences at work. Speed-reading, consuming hundreds of books a year, reading AI summaries of articles and books instead of reading articles and books, etc. We condense, we listen at 2-3x speed. We consume, and consume, and consume, but we don’t savor. We suck a source of entertainment dry and then we toss it aside and pounce on the next one.

Look—I really don’t care what you do in your free time. If you like trying to read 300+ books in a year, go for it. All I’m asking is that we think critically about the pace at which we operate, and why. Are the things you're doing bringing you genuine joy? Or are they just giving you the temporary rush of checking things off a list? Do you feel energized, or just adequately numbed? Our society tells us to do things faster. It tells us to do more. We’re afraid to be alone with our thoughts, so we fill any silence with television, movies, books, TikToks, reels—any form of engagement that keeps our brains occupied and our dopamine loops fried.

I’m tired of it. My brain has had enough. I’ve taken a lot of slow, simple steps over the past few years to reduce the noise. I removed TikTok from my phone, then Instagram. Recently, I’ve been going for walks without music or podcasts. I savor quiet. I pursue peace. I watch less television, and when I do, I only watch shows I really like (currently loving season two of The Last of Us!). All of this has done wonders for my mental health.

It wasn’t easy, at first. I had to sit with a lot of discomfort. But therapy and journaling helped me see and begin to address problems with myself that I was avoiding through overconsumption. I’m slower now, more intentional, but I still have to catch myself every so often. I have to pull myself out of the content rat race from time to time. I have to ask myself if the stats I worry about on Substack are helping me in any way. Are they making me more focused? Or are factors beyond my control stressing me out unnecessarily?

Maybe it seems strange to talk about slowing down during a month when I’ve focused on writing speed. But I’ve emphasized repeatedly that nobody needs to write faster. Personally, I’m using tools like writing sprints to get past my inner censor, to get words on the page, because otherwise I’d critique myself so harshly that I’d never write at all. I’m loosening up through free-writing so I can make art—but I’m also reducing the noise in other parts of my life so I have the time, energy, and space to create.

I don’t blame anyone for getting sucked into the rat race. It’s designed to do that. Our attention has been stolen from us by corporations through the very design of social media. It takes focused effort, and discomfort, to break free from the loop. But reclaiming your mental health and attention span is worth it. I promise.

See you next Sunday,

Allie

Introspective Ink is an entirely reader-supported publication. If you loved what you read and want to support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. If a monthly subscription isn’t in your budget, consider donating a few dollars through Buy Me a Coffee.

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People have preconceived notions about writing—there’s the stereotype of doing it slowly, while lounging at cafes and smoking cigarettes, or quickly, hunched over a laptop at 2am with bloodshot eyes. Some writers may have ideas about which style is better, more efficient, more artistically pure. The truth, as always, is less simple. Writing looks different for different folks, and writing speed varies even among the most well-known authors.

For this case study, I’ve pulled two “extremes” in writing speed: Donna Tartt and Brandon Sanderson. There is no one-to-one comparison to be made between them, as they write very different kinds of stories. Nor am I advocating for one pace over another. I simply wanted to compare the process of two successful authors who are well-known for their slow (Tartt) and fast (Sanderson) rates of novel production.

Donna Tartt has had a cult-like following since the release of her debut novel, The Secret History, in 1992. Thanks to several factors, including her association with the author of American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis, her debut came with a staggering $450,000 advance and an introductory interview with Vanity Fair magazine.

Her second novel, The Little Friend, came out ten years later in 2002. Her third, The Goldfinch, came out in 2013. It won a Pulitzer and was later adapted to a film of the same name. There’s no news about a potential fourth novel.

If you’re keeping track, Donna Tartt has published three novels in thirty-three years. Out of the three, the one she wrote the fastest is The Secret History, which allegedly took her eight years to complete. Unlike most contemporary novelists, Donna is far from prolific. She is, by every definition, a slow writer.

There are several factors that contribute to this—first, and most important, is that writing slowly is likely the way Donna Tartt prefers to engage with the craft. As she stated in an interview with Rivista Studio, her routine involves writing for three hours every morning (though she’ll count the day as a loss and do other things if she has errands to run or friends to see). She always starts by hand but switches to the computer when things become too jumbled. Her novels are rich, long, and complex, with technical precision and a scope that at first appears meandering but artfully weaves in every strand by the end.

On the other end of the spectrum of writing speed lies Brandon Sanderson, a full-time, best-selling author known for being “epic fantasy’s fastest writer”. Since his debut novel came out in 2005, Sanderson has published more than thirty-two novels in twenty years. His writing speed is a running joke among his fans, especially when compared to other fantasy novelists like George R.R. Martin, who hem and haw about announcing a publication date for their next book.

Sanderson’s prose is simple and clean, but many of his books exceed Donna Tartt’s in length (The Goldfinch has a word count of ~296,000, while The Way of Kings, the first and shortest novel in Sanderson’s Stormlight Archive series, has a word count of ~383,000). Additionally, his worldbuilding is dense, varied, and interconnected across multiple series in a larger universe called the Cosmere.

Clearly, writing speed is not simply a matter of story simplicity or novel length. Brandon Sanderson credits his insane output rate with “being consistent” with his work and writing schedule. He’s always been a fast writer—he claims to have written seven books in his undergraduate years—but as The Portalist points out, he now has a team of readers, editors, and agents to assist in getting books to market.

There are other factors at play, too—unlike Donna Tartt, Sanderson writes solely on a laptop. He says he spends a full work day (two four-hour shifts) writing, averaging 2000-2500 words per day. He quite clearly loves to write, and he engages with the craft at a much faster pace than Donna Tartt.

Most people will likely skew towards the Tartt side when it comes to their writing speed. Creation has natural rhythms that often involve periods of rest and artistic discovery. I admire Brandon Sanderson’s work ethic immensely, but I would not write for eight hours a day, even if I had the time. At my most consistent during my master’s program, I was writing for 1-2 hours a day, and averaging 1000-2000 words. I’m a fast typer, but I also need lots of time to rest, decompress, and daydream.

There’s no “correct” way to write. Writing a novel should probably take you longer than a month or two, but it doesn’t need to take ten years to be high-quality. You can write as prolifically as Sanderson, or you could be unhurried, like Donna Tartt. Both have found success within their markets and are well-known, well-respected authors. What matters is finding your personal flow, and establishing a balance of life-vs-craft that feels sustainable and intentional.

I hope you found this dissection of two very different writers as interesting as I did! I’ve actually never read Tartt’s work, though I’ve been meaning to for a long time—and writing this article has definitely pushed The Secret History to the top of my TBR. I have read, and can recommend, The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson (along with the rest of the Stormlight Archive series).

See you next Sunday for a bit of a personal rant on our hyper-capitalist consumer culture and its obsession with constant production!

Allie

Introspective Ink is an entirely reader-supported publication. If you loved what you read and want to support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. If a monthly subscription isn’t in your budget, consider donating a few dollars through Buy Me a Coffee.

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Happy May! Spring is well and truly underway in my northeastern suburban corner of the world—and with a new month comes a new topic: Writing Fast vs. Writing Well. We’ll spend each week discussing one aspect of writing speed and quality, beginning with this week’s overview on increasing your writing pace.

Introspective Ink will be taking its summer hiatus in June (though hopefully you’ll be receiving another artist interview 😉) It’ll be a busy month for me, since I’ll be moving to Connecticut!

This month, though, we’ll focus on writing faster. I tend to write quickly, though recently I’ve been struggling with getting out of editing mode, so this was a good refresher for me, too!

Without further ado, here are my six tips for writing faster:

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1. Outlining

Sacrifice a little time to save a lot.

The first tip I have for writing faster is to outline beforehand. This may seem counter-intuitive, as you’re delaying the actual act of writing, but the result of investing a little time at the beginning is saving a lot of time along the way. When you write without any idea where the story is headed, it’s easy to meander, writing scenes that serve no real purpose and end up needing to be cut. You’ll also likely find yourself pausing as you write, wondering where the story needs to go, and these pauses can add up.

Investing a chunk of time in brainstorming the plot outline will save you the headache of trying to figure it out along the way—and it’s alright if the story ends up changing! Just having a basic road map can help you get started.

2. Just Write!

If you really want to write faster, commit to writing and writing only—do not edit as you go. Do not look back at what you’ve written. Do not ruminate on whether you could’ve phrased it better. It’s hard to turn that editor off, but if you spend every session focused on simply getting words on the page, you’ll be surprised by how much faster you can write. Save the editing for later.

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3. Goals

Start small to build momentum.

Start each session with a writing goal. Keep it small, especially if you’re feeling resistant to writing. Promise you’ll start with 10 minutes, 200 words—whatever sounds good to you. You’ll likely end up exceeding your goal, and this sense of accomplishment will help build momentum.

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4. Minimal Breaks

If you’re writing something shorter, try to write it in as few sittings as possible (ideally one, depending on its length). If you’re writing something like a novel, try to keep a consistent schedule, and try to take minimal days/weeks off. I plan for natural breaks like vacations, busy holidays, etc., but I try to get back on schedule ASAP, because otherwise that little break can turn into several weeks of not touching your work. Once you’re finished with the draft, reward yourself with a well-deserved break!

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5. Writing Sprints

If you’re looking for a structured way to put this advice into action, try writing sprints: a 5-30 minute writing session where you attempt to write as many words as possible, without stopping to re-read or edit. Framing it as a “challenge” or a fun writing activity can help your brain embrace the idea of not editing as you go. Try these weekly, or daily, or whenever you feel like you need to get “un-stuck.”

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6. Placeholder Scenes

If you’ve built up a good momentum but run into scenes you’re really not excited to write, skip ‘em for now. You have my permission to fully ignore them, or write in a few bullet points (e.g. “Danny tells Tommy about their parents’ divorce, they cry, yada yada). Keep that momentum going! Come back to your trouble scenes later. Come back to them once you’ve finished the rest of the manuscript—whatever works!

Writing faster is mainly a matter of knowing the general idea of what you want to write (via outlining), and removing any distractions that keep you from writing continuously (e.g. stopping to edit as you go). The more you practice things like writing sprints, the more natural it’ll feel to write without stopping. Over time, your speed will increase.

Remember, you don’t need to write faster if you don’t want to. If writing slowly and methodically works for you, do that! But if you’re looking to increase the speed of your artistic output, try implementing the tips from this article. Let me know how they work for you in the comments—and please let me know if you have any tips for writing quickly!

See you next Sunday for a case study on authors and their writing speed!

Allie

Introspective Ink is an entirely reader-supported publication. If you loved what you read and want to support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. If a monthly subscription isn’t in your budget, consider donating a few dollars through Buy Me a Coffee.

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Introspective Ink will be taking its summer hiatu…

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I cut a lot of content in my rounds of revision; below is the original prologue, which takes place fifteen years before the events of the novel. During editing, it was moved to an interlude spot, and later removed from the manuscript. I don’t want it to disappear entirely, though, so I’m offering it as an exclusive sneak-peek/first look for my lovely paid subscribers (with a little teaser for my general audience). Thank you for all your generous support; you may or may not be fantasy readers, but I do hope you enjoy the scene that started this two-year project of mine!

Prologue

Anita

The clocktower—the only one in the miserable, fish-scented town of Dorrich—clanged once as Anita descended the wooden stairs of the dock. The water that churned below was inky and violent, and it sloshed against the paltry collection of boats with a vigor that suggested a coming storm. The moon overhead was a thin sliver in the starless sky, and a foul wind stirred the ends of her long cloak. Aside from an ale-soaked man snoring at the far end of the docks, Anita saw no one. Still, she pulled the hood of her cloak up, leaving her face in shadows.

The iron door was built into the stony face of the coastal bluffs. A few discreet questions and a gold coin had gotten her the location of the town’s jailhouse. Anita knocked on the door once, then waited. The moment stretched out long enough that she nearly turned and left, but eventually the door cracked open.

“State your business,” a gruff male voice said.

Anita held out a coin purse. “Let me in, answer my questions, and I’ll give you a hundred pieces of gold.”

There was a long, suspicious silence, then the door opened fully. Anita checked the dagger on her hip before stepping through the entrance. The man—a short, reedy creature with a bald head and narrowed brown eyes—shut the door behind her. The entire jailhouse was built in a cave system, with the faint sound of trickling water and a distinct moisture to the air. The front room they stood in was small and cramped, with only a wooden table and chairs. Anita looked at the single, burned-down candle, then at the man who waited impatiently for her to speak.

“I’m looking for girls between the ages of twelve and sixteen. Do you have any here currently?” She asked, keeping her back to the wall as she spoke. Water dripped onto the hood of her cloak with a dull thwap.

“What for?”

“I’m asking the questions.” Anita spoke curtly and swiftly. “You don’t need to know anything about my intentions or my identity. Do you have any girls who fit the criteria?”

“One,” he said slowly, still eyeing her warily. “But you don’t want her. She’s got the Waste, so she’s scheduled for execution.”

Even better. Anita bit back on the satisfaction, keeping her expression unimpressed. “That’s fine. Tell me what you know about her.”

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The Wasting is an 118,000 word sapphic adult fantasy novel that centers on a young woman whose sanity is threatened by a plague taking root on her back, and a sheltered princess whose blood holds the key to curing that plague. The capital city remains prosperous, safe, and vibrant, but the surrounding land is dying in increments, plagued by an illness that causes malevolent insanity. In a world of extreme disparity, the question looms: how far will one woman go to cure her nation?

The multi-POV story takes place in Eshara, a setting inspired by Louis XIV-era Versailles, Venice/Annecy (city of canals), and the Italian Renaissance culture of art patronage. I created an accompanying visual guide for my query:

I spent all of yesterday pitching this novel to agents at the Philadelphia Writer’s Workshop, and recently began batch querying. Keep an eye out for updates! Querying is a marathon, but this time around, I plan to be cautiously optimistic and doggedly persistent (I’ve already gotten partial manuscript requests! An improvement from last year’s querying :)).

What do you think of the visual guide and novel premise? Let me know your thoughts and questions in the comments! :)

See you next Sunday,

Allie

Introspective Ink is an entirely reader-supported publication. If you loved what you read and want to support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. If a monthly subscription isn’t in your budget, consider donating a few dollars through Buy Me a Coffee.

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The process of querying requires you to do two emotionally fraught things: submit your work to scrutiny from strangers, and submit yourself to rejection. I cannot say I enjoy the process, but one good thing I can say about querying is that it’s taught me to weather disappointment without giving up (though there have been a few close calls).

As I’ve said before, I was rejected 24 times in the process of getting my two short stories published. In my quest to get an agent for my current novel manuscript, I’ve accumulated sixteen agent rejections. Most authors go through dozens upon dozens of rejections (sometimes 100+!) before signing an agent. Agents only take a few clients per year, and the work they accept needs to fit within their niche without being too similar to other novels on their docket. So, as an author, you’re most likely going to get a LOT of no’s, which can be difficult to hear (especially in quick succession). It’s normal to find yourself in a variety of headspaces, or swinging back and forth between optimism and despair.

Surviving the querying process with your self-worth intact boils down to learning to navigate rejection. It involves separating your sense of artistic purpose from outside approval. The world of publishing is a market-focused one, and that means luck, good timing, and networking play a role in which stories are selected for publication. As you query, you need to walk the line of championing your work and not taking its rejection as a personal affront (easier said than done).

So, without further ado, here are the thirteen stages of querying grief (based on my personal experience). These stages can be non-linear, like the familiar five stages of grief.

1. Naive Optimism

When you’re first thinking about querying (especially if you’ve never been through the process before), it’s easy to slip into naive optimism. I certainly did. I was repeatedly told by my professors (many of whom were published authors) that the process involves a lot of rejection. But it was a nice, velvety, indulgent daydream to consider my work an exception to that rule. Some debut authors find instant success, after all. I’ve heard stories of young writers securing six-figure advances on book deals. My visions were full of splendor: instant agent offer, immediate sale to a publishing house, New York Time’s Bestseller list, and a long and lucrative career as an author.

I wouldn’t have said this aloud—I cloaked myself in a shroud of reasonable expectations. Secretly, though, I was naively hopeful. But losing the shiny vision of instant success is a natural result of the querying process. And that’s a good thing! I would much rather have a balanced mindset than an ego-laced dream that shatters from a single rejection.

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2. Excitement

As you assemble your list of agents, and start to gather your materials, that naivety becomes somewhat grounded and turns into a more general excitement. Nothing has been sent yet; the world is still full of possibility.

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3. First Contact

There’s a big rush the first time you click send on a query (at least there was for me). The energy snowballs; you send more and more until you’ve burned through your list (or your batch) of agents.

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4. Constant Email Checking

After the adrenaline rush comes a whole lot of nothing. It takes agents weeks to months to get back to you, if they do at all. You may send more queries in the meantime, or you may spend all your time checking your email/QueryTracker, waiting for any hint of an update. After all that excitement, the wait is torture.

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5. REJECTION

No! Your first rejection comes in, and you stop dead in the middle of whatever you were doing. Then you try to brush it off—it’s only one rejection, after all. Your optimism is shaken, but not broken. Then comes another. And another. And another. The death knell sounds on your immediate fame.

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6. Despondence

After you get a handful of rejections, you may fall into a creative depression. This is very common the first time around, and perfectly normal any time after. It is not easy to hear over and over that your work isn’t a good fit for agents. It is not easy to handle the rejection of a project you worked extremely hard on. It is entirely tempting to give up on the entire process, crawl under your covers, and never write again. It’s the wrong thing to do, but I don’t blame you for wanting to.

7. Spiteful Second Round

If you’re anything like me, this stage happens when you’ve had time to grieve, and then time to get bitter. You draft up your second round of query letters, making tweaks and edits, refining your list of agents. Fine, you think. If they didn’t want me, that’s their loss. Someone will accept me this time, and then those agents will be SORRY.

How you’ll make them sorry, you aren’t yet sure. Perhaps you’ll mail them a copy of your published book when it tops the bestseller lists. That’ll show them.

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8. Constant, Pessimistic Email Checking

You’ve sent out another round of queries, and now you’re back to radio silence. Only this time, there’s a little voice in the back of your head. You’re just waiting for the rejections to roll in. You’re expecting them now.

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9. REJECTION—AGAIN!

These rejections come not as a surprise heartbreak, but as tiny, venomous splinters in your chest. You knew they’d come, and now they’re here, and you… still feel like shit. Seriously, when does this get easier?

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10. Numbness

You’re not angry. You’re not depressed. You’re not… anything. Maybe you keep querying, maybe you take a break, but either way, you emotionally cleave yourself from the process.

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11. Resignation

Time heals (most) creative wounds. You begin to accept that this is the way this process goes. You are far from the first person to face this many rejections, and you certainly won’t be the last. There’s a kind of… kinship to it, if you think about it.

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12. Balance

You query again. This time, you know what to expect. You carefully research your agents, craft your list, gather your materials, and send out your manuscript. You wait with guarded optimism. When the rejections come, they hurt—they always will— but you let yourself sit with the moment of grief, and then you move on. You know how tough the market is, and you know an agent’s rejection means nothing about the worth or quality of your work. It could’ve just been a bad fit. It could’ve been too similar to another project the agent was working on. It could’ve been 10,000 things, but you accept that there’s no way for you to know why, so it’s not worth stressing over.

You may need to take a break and edit based on feedback (I did). But you keep moving through the process, because you believe in your work. You know that if you decide to shelve this project and work on another one, this experience of querying will prepare you for next time. You know that rejection does not equate to failure. You know that patience and perseverance pay off. You know that someday, the right agent will read the right manuscript of yours at the right time.

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13. Celebration!

Hopefully, one day you’ll celebrate signing with an agent. But along the way (or even if you never get there), you can celebrate yourself. You can celebrate your hard work, your refusal to give up, your ability to learn and adapt and go beyond your comfort zone. You can celebrate that you were brave enough to put yourself out there and survive rejection. It’s not easy—but discomfort helps us grow, and growth always deserves a celebration.

If you’re querying, I am really, really proud of you. If you’re dreaming of querying one day, I’m cheering you on. Exposing our sensitive artist selves to constant rejection is far from pleasant, but it creates a resilience in you that will help you create even when you aren’t being applauded for it. These moments of rejection will make you feel a lot of things. Let yourselves feel them. Let your skin grow a little tougher. Then get back out there—the world needs your art.

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Allie

Introspective Ink is an entirely reader-supported publication. If you loved what you read and want to support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. If a monthly subscription isn’t in your budget, consider donating a few dollars through Buy Me a Coffee.

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As I’ve said …

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As promised, Introspective Ink’s new monthly format will provide my lovely paid subscribers with more content and feedback opportunities. If you’re actively working on a query letter (or would like to be), and are looking for a chance to workshop, here it is!

In my other post this week, we talked about how to put together the components of the quer…

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Last week, we looked at general querying strategy, including the materials you’ll need to send to agents. This week, we’ll break down the most essential part of your query: the letter, which should not be longer than0 a single page.

Writing a query letter is an entirely different skill from writing a novel. It generally leans more heavily on “marketing” your novel to agents, presenting it as a viable candidate in today’s literary market. You’ll need to have a good grasp of your novel’s core premise, themes, and audience draw.

There is flexibility in how you order the components of your letter, but it generally will include:

• A “hook” line to catch the agent’s attention.

• Genre, title, and word count of your manuscript.

• Comp titles.

• A short, spoiler-free summary of your story.

• A brief autobiographical paragraph.

• (optional) Agent personalization

Let’s break down each of these components, using my own query letter as an example (please note it’s still a work in progress, and I’m always open to constructive feedback).

1. Hook line

The hook line should capture the boiled-down essence of your story and present it as an intriguing premise. It should introduce the main character (not necessarily by name), the conflict, and the stakes of your novel.

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2. Genre, title, and word count

Make sure you specify the genre and approximate word count of your novel, and write the title in all caps.

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3. Comp Titles

To demonstrate that you have an understanding of your audience/market, it’s helpful to include 2-3 novels that sold reasonably well within your genre within the last 5 years. These act as reference points for what people would enjoy about your novel. If you’re feeling a little lost and suddenly can’t remember what books you’ve read and enjoyed, you can always reference lists of books in your genre. Just make sure you actually know the content of the novels you pick for comp titles.

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I combined these three components (hook, practical info, and comp titles) into one sentence:

The royalty-guard romance of The Priory of the Orange Tree meets the attempted assassination arc of Crier’s War in THE WASTING, an 118,000 word sapphic fantasy novel. The multi-POV story centers on a young woman whose sanity is threatened by a plague taking root on her back, and a sheltered princess whose blood holds the key to curing that plague.

4. A spoiler-free summary

This should read like the back of a novel you’d pick up in a bookstore. It should elaborate on your plot without giving away the ending. It should show us the motivations of your characters, the problem they’re facing, and what’s at stake if they fail.

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Here’s mine (a little longer than usually recommended):

Twenty-five year old Saiya has a singular focus in life: putting an end to the Waste, a violent plague that took the lives of her mother and brother. With her own infection held precariously at bay, Saiya is under the thumb of Avery, her benefactor, whose money supplies the rare and costly herb that keeps Saiya sane. Saiya is prepared to do anything to avenge her family and find a cure– but she doesn’t expect “anything” to involve befriending a princess and winning a tourney.

Princess Nadine Beaumont carries a gift from the Goddess in her veins, like her father before her. With the public’s adoration, and her upcoming wedding to the nation’s most eligible bachelor, Nadine knows she should enjoy her life of splendor. But the princess is tormented by her forbidden desire for women, which she tries desperately to hide from the public’s ever-watching eyes– until she meets a woman she can’t resist.

A tourney is held to determine Nadine’s escort for a pilgrimage honoring the anniversary of her family’s divine blessing. Per Avery’s decree, a baffled Saiya travels to the capital to compete. She finds herself fascinated by the princess, whose sunny disposition hides shameful secrets. An unlikely connection arises between the two, solidified when Saiya wins the tourney and is granted the coveted role of Nadine’s escort.

Their budding relationship is tested when Avery gives Saiya her final order: Nadine must be sacrificed at the Goddess’ shrine to end the Waste. Despite her promises to herself and others, Saiya is undone. Logic and emotion war within her throughout their journey to the shrine, where Saiya must decide: does she have what it takes to sacrifice the woman she loves for the greater good?

5. Brief autobiographical paragraph

Include any previous works you’ve published, any awards won, any relevant education, etc. If you’d like, you can also throw in a little personal information, like other hobbies and passions. If you don’t have any “laurels” to show, don’t fret! The focus of your letter is always the story you’ve written.

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Here’s mine:

I have an M.A. in Writing from [UNIVERSITY]. My short stories have been published in Ponder Review, After Dinner Conversation, and ADC’s “Best of” 2023 Anthology. This will be my debut novel.

6. Agent Personalization (optional?)

I’ve read some advice that recommends personalizing the letter to your agent, and some advice that says it isn’t a determining factor. I’m including it in my letters, but it’s up to you! If you want to personalize your letters, you should speak to why you’re choosing to query this agent. Maybe you read and loved a novel from another author they represented, or you noticed on their Manuscript Wishlist that they’re seeking a novel exactly like yours. For a great article about personalizing query letters, see Carly Watter’s post.

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Prior personalizations of mine have looked something like this:

I noticed you’re seeking fantasy stories with wit and strong main characters, which is why I’m excited to present THE WASTING for your consideration.

There are a number of ways you can successfully order all of these components within the body of the query letter. Always start with a greeting and end by thanking them, signing off, and providing your contact information.

Within those bounds, though, you can choose to start off with the hook/info/comp title, or begin right off the bat with your short summary and save the rest for after. I do generally recommend leaving the autobiographical statement for last, though, as the focus of the query letter should be your story and its appeal to a publishing market. If you want to see different structures in action, there are plenty of examples online. Choose whichever one works for you and your story!

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That being said, here’s a full example of my query letter so you can see how I set it up.

Dear [AGENT],

The royalty-guard romance of The Priory of the Orange Tree meets the attempted assassination arc of Crier’s War in THE WASTING, an 118,000 word sapphic fantasy novel. The multi-POV story centers on a young woman whose sanity is threatened by a plague taking root on her back, and a sheltered princess whose blood holds the key to curing that plague. [Agent Personalization]

Twenty-five year old Saiya has a singular focus in life: putting an end to the Waste, a violent plague that took the lives of her mother and brother. With her own infection held precariously at bay, Saiya is under the thumb of Avery, her benefactor, whose money supplies the rare and costly herb that keeps Saiya sane. Saiya is prepared to do anything to avenge her family and find a cure– but she doesn’t expect “anything” to involve befriending a princess and winning a tourney.

Princess Nadine Beaumont carries a gift from the Goddess in her veins, like her father before her. With the public’s adoration, and her upcoming wedding to the nation’s most eligible bachelor, Nadine knows she should enjoy her life of splendor. But the princess is tormented by her forbidden desire for women, which she tries desperately to hide from the public’s ever-watching eyes– until she meets a woman she can’t resist.

A tourney is held to determine Nadine’s escort for a pilgrimage honoring the anniversary of her family’s divine blessing. Per Avery’s decree, a baffled Saiya travels to the capital to compete. She finds herself fascinated by the princess, whose sunny disposition hides shameful secrets. An unlikely connection arises between the two, solidified when Saiya wins the tourney and is granted the coveted role of Nadine’s escort.

Their budding relationship is tested when Avery gives Saiya her final order: Nadine must be sacrificed at the Goddess’ shrine to end the Waste. Despite her promises to herself and others, Saiya is undone. Logic and emotion war within her throughout their journey to the shrine, where Saiya must decide: does she have what it takes to sacrifice the woman she loves for the greater good?

I have an M.A. in Writing from [UNIVERSITY]. My short stories have been published in Ponder Review, After Dinner Conversation, and ADC’s “Best of” 2023 Anthology. This will be my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Allison [name] | [number] | [email]

I hope this deep dive into query letters was helpful! If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to drop them in the comments. Paid subscribers should keep an eye out for a post containing a workshop opportunity to help develop their query letter.

See you next Sunday, when I talk about the stages of querying grief!

Allie

Introspective Ink is an entirely reader-supported publication. If you loved what you read and want to support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. If a monthly subscription isn’t in your budget, consider donating a few dollars through Buy Me a Coffee.

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Writing a query letter is an entirely different skill from writing a novel. It generally leans more heavily on “marketing” y…

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To help me prepare for another daunting round of querying, I’ve separated my gener…

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I’m about to enter the querying trenches for the third time (which, hopefully, will be the charm). It’s not a fun or exciting place to be. Unless you’re extraordinarily lucky, even the most talented writer will face a lot of rejections (and silence) from agents they query.

To help me prepare for another daunting round of querying, I’ve separated my general strategy into eight discrete steps. Hopefully it’s helpful for any aspiring queriers who may be planning to join me in the trenches. We’ll be spending the month of April covering different aspects of querying and pitching, so buckle up!

1. Prep your list

Your manuscript has been edited (and edited, and edited), and you think it’s ready to be published! If you’re going for the traditional route, you’ll want to assemble a list of literary agents to query. Many publishing houses (especially the Big Five— four now, post-merger) don’t accept unsolicited submissions. You’ll need to be represented by a literary agent to have your work considered— and finding representation is the point of the querying process.

You can find potential agents in a variety of ways: Manuscript Wish List, Querytracker, Bluesky, Publisher’s Marketplace (requires a subscription, but it’s worth the price), at writing conferences, here on Substack, word of mouth, prophetic dreams, etc. It’s important to find agents who are actively seeking queries in your genre (or who are at least open to it). It’s a waste of time to query your adult romance novel to an agent who exclusively requests kid’s lit. You will not change their mind.

Organize your list clearly (I use Google Sheets). You’ll want to know their name, which agency they work at, authors they’ve published, and what materials they require with a query (see step 2). I also have a column with a link to their agent page and submission page so I can quickly access them. You’ll want to have a lot of potential agents on your list, though you can gather them in batches as needed.

2. Prep your materials

Every agent I’ve seen asks for a query letter (we’ll be doing a deep dive into writing and revising these next week!). In addition, they may ask for a 1-2 page synopsis of your novel, and a portion of your manuscript (sometimes by page number, sometimes by number of chapters). Some agents may ask for materials beyond these. Be sure you know exactly what each agent is asking for, so you can have everything assembled and ready to send simultaneously.

3. Willingly set yourself up for rejection

Once you have your list and materials ready, it’s time to start querying. I prefer to do this in small batches (5-10 agents at a time). Send over everything the agent asked for, making sure it’s neat and easily readable and as polished as it can be.

4. Wait. Maybe cry.

Be patient. Agents get hundreds to thousands of queries. It may take weeks or months to hear back from them– and often, you won’t hear back at all.

It’s okay. Breathe. Vent. Cry if you need to. Work on other projects.

5. Gather feedback and edit materials

Once you start hearing back from agents, this is when you can evaluate what needs to change. Agents will either reject your query or request more material (e.g. a full manuscript). If they reject your query, it may not necessarily be due to the quality of your writing. It could be that the letter itself wasn’t appealing (don’t beat yourself up for this! Writing a query letter is a separate skill from writing a novel). If this is the case, it may just be that your query letter (or synopsis, or other non-novel materials) needs revision before you send out another batch.

If you get requests for full manuscripts and are then turned down, it’s more likely the issue is with your novel. This is harder to address— it often requires heavier editing and means you need to spend more time preparing before querying again. Hopefully, you’ll get some feedback that you can act on. If not, you’ll need to workshop your novel with beta readers and other writers, or pay for an editor to assess the readiness of your manuscript.

6. Repeat

Once you’ve addressed the problem (whether it’s with your letter or your manuscript), it’s time to try again! Send out your materials to another batch of agents, and see if you make any progress. Assess the second batch responses using the reasoning from step five. You will likely need to do this multiple times.

7. ???

I am delusionally hopeful that there’s some secret step I’ve missed that will advance me to step 8. If there is, I’m sure I’ll figure out exactly what that step is this time around.

8. Sign with an agent!

From here on out, I only know the hypotheticals. Full manuscript request, call with an agent, and an offer of representation. This is also only the beginning of the traditional publishing journey— from there, you must also navigate revisions with your agent and submitting your manuscript to editors in publishing houses. It’s one step in a long and arduous process, but it’s a step many of us are desperate to achieve. My fingers are crossed that we all get there eventually.

Not everyone needs an agent. Some people will find traditional publishing tiring, or outdated— or they may decide it’s just not a good fit for them. You may want to self-publish, or pitch directly to editors at small publishing houses. All of those are valid ways to get your work into the world.

If, however, you decide to pursue traditional publishing, and your goal is to be represented by a literary agent, then I wish you the best of luck. It’s a rough road, and I’m right there with you in the trenches. We’ll dive more deeply into the process next week, when we talk specifically about query letters.

See you next Sunday,

Allie

If you have any good advice for people on their querying journey, or if you think I missed any important information, please let me know in the comments!

Introspective Ink is an entirely reader-supported publication. If you loved what you read and want to support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. If a monthly subscription isn’t in your budget, consider donating a few dollars through Buy Me a Coffee.

Subscribe now

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