and it’s not directly mappable, because with the swiss cheese method, these are Good Mitigations to stop a Bad Thing.

whereas below, with my stinky cheese framework (😂) i’m naming things that are weaponized against us (Bad) to keep us from actualizing collective liberation (Good)

it’s come out of recognizing just how many hoops folks in the states have to jump through to genuinely embody & act for holistic liberation for the collective. There is so much intentionally placed in the way to stop us, and i’m hoping that it’s helpful to identify what is tripping you up personally.

awareness is only a step, and we can find ourselves stuck there, sometimes even sinking from the grief, shame, and overwhelm that can take over. But for the folks with the intention, audacity, and grit to surpass that sinking place, we can (re)source what’s needed to get beyond it.

note: when i’m talking about stuff like this, i’m speaking most centrally about those who grew up indoctrinated by the United States empire, with the acknowledgement that while this imperial consciousness has spread far past those borders, varying socio-cultural influences & lineages may interrupt, confront, and resist much of what’s below.

and this is not because i see the US as the center of the world

but because I see the matter of indoctrinated & complicit (US) Americans as a problem i feel responsible for helping to solve

i’ve been amongst so many peoples around the globe ~ in their homes, their temples, their schools, their streets, their cities, their forests

and by now ((Saturn Return clarity perhaps)) i understand that the problems i find there, and there, and there, are not mine to grapple with

and with the technological magic in this largely cursed time, i can be far far away from my cursed homeplace and still remain dedicated to solving whatever parts of this problem i am meant for on this path

and contributing to holistic liberation to the extent that i am called, bodymind&spirit

and that contribution has, for so long now, included writing and weaving forever ago ideas while conjuring up new ones with & for the new pathways unfurling all the time

with an understanding that internal, reflective decolonization, rebellion, revolution, and re-indiginization efforts must address, unpack, and resolve these matters holistically

at the core! for that’s as deep as this shit goes, how it’s lasted this long

and so we keep digging,

lest we remained trapped in the big evil cheese that is the United States.

so dig this, fam:

let’s start off with one of the obvious pacifying forces the US had (past-tense) been perfecting over the last half-century or so:

satiation

by way of an abundance of bread & circuses ~ as when people are fed and entertained, they’re often satisfied enough to let things continue as they are. it’s some at the end of the day type shit that a lot of folks fall into.

now the bread is already falling through in a significant way. food just ain’t what it used to be, as is the expected outcome from putting profits over the people who steward our harvests, the animals who are harvested for our consumption, and the delicate ecosystems required to feed us all. poisoning all of the above would, naturally, lead to poisoning us all.

these circuses of our society ~ and i’m considering primarily sports, concerts, television, movies, lotteries, competitions, the cutthroat game-ification of education, and aspects of social media here ~ aren’t inherently wrong or sinister, but they are explicitly and intentionally wielded to control our attention, direct where our money goes, and dictate any dominant narrative (these are some overarching objectives, among like so many other things i’m not thinking about right now lmao)

but the ringleaders are losing control the narrative, so we’re all caught in the midst of their violent grasps to get it back by way of muzzling, de-funding and firing any dissenters, brazenly monopolizing the industries, and censoring our public platforms to further their agendas (while keeping the most awful stuff that perpetuates their domination pervasive & available)

now, for better and for worse, many of us are being priced out of a lot of these circuses—sucks, but something we can survive. being priced out of, and being poisoned by, the bread though? this shit is fatal, and in itself grounds for rebellion. populations within and beyond the empire have always been subject to this once entirely manufactured, increasingly-though-not-yet-manifested scarcity.

and so the state has simultaneously been perfecting other modes of keeping people who it neither feeds nor entertains from rebelling,

and THIS state, at this time, loves to turn to:

fear

more specifically: the weaponization of fear to elicit submission

(will explore further in the workshop)

or, in the beforetimes,

hope

we saw how ~Hope~ was used explicitly by the Obama campaign to usher in an 8-year wave of liberal compliance, while his administration marauded the middle east and deported a shitton of immigrants.

Liberalism in itself runs on the hope built into concepts of incremental reform and the falsehood that the democratic process is in practice in the US and anywhere the empire does its intervening.

hope can be a beautiful, motivating force for action towards what we want to manifest into the world.

it can also be co-opted and directed into something—all sorts of things!—which are, by design, impotent 🤪

and isn’t that just the most delightful con? to get people really excited and activated towards something that you crafted explicitly to be nonthreatening to your power structure? especially when that thing hijacks years upon years of people’s attention? entire lifetimes, even?

yeah no, it’s total ass.

we can hope that things are just going to get better. hope that if we do our best, we will succeed, and hope that we won’t suffer the worst of the impending doom researchers across several fields anticipate. but to what end?

not the end of collective liberation, i’ll tell you that much

and when we feel hopeless, we get to turn to:

comfort

normalize this and that because baybeee, the people crave normalcy!!

even if they’re comfortable with things changing, it ideally changes into a ‘new’ normal. so i recognize that it terrifies many: the suggestion of throwing these violent systems to the wind, of us having to figure it out together, in little pockets, coming to agreements with our heads and hearts and sense of truth. the idea of letting go of the authority that takes responsibility off of our shoulders, even if they in turn shove that responsibility into a money making machine.

this obsession with routine to maintain a smidgen of sanity: some still seek refuge inside the structures: the routines, the paycheck, the workweek, the small talk, the package on their doorstep in the evening, the shows on the weekend, the vacation in June, the promotion next year, the local elections, the making their parents proud, the protest after 5 and before 7 so that they can make it home for dinner. the structure provides safety for some in exchange for their investment. some relish that safety despite the many crushed beneath the structure they’re snuggled up within.

and don’t get me started on belonging. i’ve realized to a new degree with continuing to wear masks to protect our communities and finding how uncomfortable people are to do so, that being othered is tantamount to the worst of experiences for so many.

we’ll be expanding on these and talking about the others in that first ISOL workshop(!)

naturally this list is hugely incomplete. I’d love to hear additions and complications however lowkey (highkey) as i’ve been writing this, it’s become clear to me just how much i’m personally DONE with the work of identifying the problem(s). i can’t do it anymore. perhaps this last bit of doing so, attempting to get at the simplest words and most basic understanding of what’s at play here, so even the folks who think they have it all figured out (and that’s fabulous, i’m not even shitting on it) can see what in them is likely still gripped by the wills and whims of the State.

because if enough of us really wanted, really embodied, really lived out that revolutionary spirit WE WOULD ALREADY BE FREE.

so i get that we have to keep digging. i accept that, as a collective.

but i hope, i really do, that this is the last time my ass sits down and tries to name the problem(s...the ridiculous amount of them) in yet another way. because i’m bored of it, and i have other things to do.

i’m in my worldbuilding era, as it were.

we’re at part 11 of the Saturn Return Diaries !!

and i’m realizing just how emotionally incisive this Aries Saturn - Cancer Mars relationship is, and how delightfully empowering it is living through my natal chart in Real Time Transits.

ALSO i love eclipse season, because i recorded this only yesterday and my conclusions have already shifted.

but TRULY, the fact that so much of my writing and journaling is because people short-circuit hearing things being said to their faces is an infuriating blessing.

Here’s hoping Saturn in Aries toughens people up enough to get past their cowardice to look at themselves and be fucking fr!!!

be serious about who you are before all the capitulation and illusion and bullshit you put on to protect yourself in this dying world.

Mars in Cancer’s engagement says:

stop armoring yourself with what you found will help you continue living through this miserable, fascist, colonial world of domination.

for the love of GOD, outgrow those shells, i know they’re uncomfortable as hell

(because This Right Here, This World, Is Hell)

and create/cultivate new armors, new homes, to survive the unknown, the beyond!

HOW ARE WE GOING TO REACH ANY MF LIBERATION OTHERWISE????

i think my next vlog will be about how the self-contract i made at 25 to stop wearing makeup is an embodied reflection of that…

anyways,

if you’d like to peep in on the deets of this journey—in this case through a 25-minute video diary about how fragile mfs are—you can invest in my messy ass wisdom by way of becoming a paid subscriber 🫣🐚👁️🔆🫂

(btw its basically my birthday and what a sweet gift it would be)

((and if you’re like fucccck the middleman that is stripe and/or don’t have monetary funds to offer, you can reach out to me personally. i’m v down for direct-to-me $$ and offers of trades 🤗))

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I’ve been homeless for 6 years now and have spent much of that time outside of the States because of my precarity. I understand my positioning as a homeless, unemployed, queer, disabled, Black person as one that puts me at a high likelihood for violence, murder, or enslavement by incarceration. Folks in my lineage, near and far, have undergone both fates.

I recognize that from this positionality, exploring the liberation available to my bodymindspirit is my compass for collective liberation.

So the mission became how to actualize and embrace my wholeness, fullness, truth, agency, beauty, magic, and authentic expression

without getting snapped up.

A mission, a practice, of how to divest my Energy, my Person, my Self, my Being, and All Of My Fucks

out and away from feeding that which cages, poisons, and kills.

And I’m finding that path through fugitivity—Black fugitivity, of course.

To be Black, tethered to Empire, and committed to one’s freedom is to exist in a state of fugitivity.

Resistance, liberation, and survival all come together in Black fugitivity,

taking ourselves out of the systems that have run on our energy since their inception

and exploring what creative, fertile, life-giving, liberatory worlds we can experience outside of them.

then, how to be an embodied & expansive way-shower for others who seek this mission as well.

((and if you’re like fucccck the middleman that is stripe and/or don’t have monetary funds to offer, you can reach out to me personally. i’m v down for direct-to-me $$ and offers of trades 🤗))

To bolster this mission, my life and liberation work are rooted in diasporic earth-based spirituality

We’ve co-created a community mutual aid spiritual justice practice called Cosmic Healing, which focuses on facilitating holistic liberation for our communities.

We’re heavy on the diaspora of it all over here,

our lineage as Black people in and of the Americas being one of movement.

We are an uprooted people,

our arrival there by way of trafficking, traveling on foot, chained and disoriented, through the grand land mass called Africa, trappedtrappedtrappedtrappedTRAPPED _{(ancestors banging on my mind reminding me of this part, wanting it expressed in this way)} crossing an ocean that subsumed countless of our kin, beneath the floorboards of behemoth vessels. Dispersed, traded, sold across continents and islands, separated from both the families we came from and those we were forced into creating, and stealing away to search from them. From the Great Migration to displacement due to gentrification, fleeing lynching and incarceration, bombings, burnings, land-theft, environmental racism, antiBlack valuation of housing and exploitative mortgages, Black folks in my lineage have had to keep moving to survive.

This movement and migration reflects an afrofuturist hope for better and an audacity to go in search of it. A knowing that what we deserve for what we’ve endured is astronomical, and that is not going to be given to us. Fugitivity blends this hope and audacity with the ancestral knowing that, however it has (barely) morphed, there are continued, ongoing, persistent efforts to enslave, traffic, incarcerate, separate, and kill Black people.

but alas, there is nowhere fertile to root.

there is not yet (to my knowledge, and believe me i would love to be, PRAY to be, wrong)

a physical sanctuary from antiBlackness, homophobia, (trans)misogynoir, and ableism under this violent world order.

MOREOVER, while the colonial machine churns its poisons into our soils and waters,

there is nowhere fertile to root.

HOWEVER, we need not accept these vile fates for ourselves.

Fugitivity operates as liminal freedom, given that true freedom is inaccessible while any plantation on the planet remains in operation.

Fugitivity is living under, beyond, between, on the edge. Fugitivity is consciously working with our inherent marginality—exploring the fertility, creativity, possibility, and rebellious activity in these spaces.

It’s accepting that the plantations remain intact, and we need not be complicit in their continuance.

Removing ourselves from this machine is an act of devotion to the land.

It is solidarity to and with our bodylands, which are the very beings keeping us truly, genuinely alive.

As we are only, can only, be as free as the lands we live on.

The way The States are designed, to exist is to invest in their system’s continuance.

To be employed is to be at the behest of the wealthy, to give your time, body, and energy to what is likely at odds with your personal and our collective survival. To rent a home is to have a landlord, to “own” a home is to have a Homeowners Association, to drive a car is to line the pockets of oil tycoons and their extraction, pollution, and exploitation.

I could go on, but that’s not really what this is about.

Nothing is guaranteed, nothing is provided without a rather profound cost, nothing is given without taking more from you in return.

Non-participation is to be punished, and we are even taught to inflict punishment upon one another by way of ridicule and ostracization.

To be without a job, a house, a car, is perceived as failure. And so, so many of us sacrifice everything inherently within us to avoid it.

My life is my embodied refusal, a radical rejection of this violent falsehood.

In place of a job, a house, and a car, I choose myself:

My body, my integrity, my energy, my self-worth, my sovereignty, my joy, my rebellion, my spirit, my beliefs, my relationships, my voice, my values, my creativity, my brilliance, my power.

And through mutual aid, community care, and creative resilience, I have been more alive than ever before by choosing this path.

Still though, I understand that we all occupy our patches of this liberation quilt differently.

So, so many of us have found places within these structures that fit—well enough, or for the time being, or in a way that works.

And I do not see that as something to criticize, but to utilize for collective liberation.

Fugitivity is an ode to our inherent Belonging,

The navigation, faith and trust it requires deepens one’s belonging to this planet, the spirits & the people in right relationship with them.

I’ve been practicing this for many years now, and have been both profoundly supported and have in turn profoundly supported others along the way.

I have met numerous fugitives, transients, nomads, (im)migrants, and displaced peoples on this path.

As well as people so beautifully rooted into the lands they live on, those who’ve cultivated wonderful nests, folks who love to open their homes, and people who don’t quite know how to go about doing so but would love the opportunity to try.

Because though the state of fugitivity can offer holistic healing and a radical reclamation of selfhood,

homelessness is absolutely criminalized and not to be romanticized,

homeless people are structurally dehumanized,

and being without shelter is a dangerous, viscerally unpleasant, experience

especially for those of us already multiply-debilitated under this world order.

It is of the utmost importance that our displaced, homeless, houseless/unhoused fugitive comrades have a safe place to be—where we are welcomed, held with integrity, and comfortable.

(As I’ve been saying for YEARS, my revolution? my liberatory future? it’s comfortable.)

So that’s what imma try and help make happen. in my marginal (positive!) way. Get into it.

if you’d like to peep in on the deets of this journey—in this case through a 38-minute video diary about my experience of homelessness—you can invest in my secrets by way of becoming a paid subscriber 🫣🐚👁️🔆🫂

(btw its basically my birthday and what a sweet gift it would be)

((and if you’re like fucccck the middleman that is stripe and/or don’t have monetary funds to offer, you can reach out to me personally. i’m v down for direct-to-me $$ and offers of trades 🤗))

i haven’t had a home in a very, very long time.

it’s been years, man.

truly genuinely, no steady place since i was a child

(and even then, it was…complicated)

it’s been a wild and textured time, a bit terrifying, a hint of extraordinary,

days and days that are terribly ordinary,

and—more recently—oddly peaceful. for good, long, cherished stretches.

but every time i’ve tried to stay still enough to build upon the land i was on,

the structural and cosmic forces have traded the opportunity to say: no

(saturn, in aries)

so did i fall through the cracks or did i slip through the cracks or was it both and how much does it even matter at this point, because here i am either way

though i do question: would i still be here (alive, truly, genuinely)

if i didn’t do it this way—my way, meant for me

if i didn’t escape, over and over

if i wasn’t pushed out, overboard, if i didn’t push through

if i didn’t keep swimming, searching, seeking out the beauty

and finding it everywhere

if i hadn’t stayed open, friendly, angry, harsh, honest, discerning, devoted

if i hadn’t had help, if i weren’t beautiful, if i couldn’t cope,

could neither smoke nor speak to trees, god what if

the plants and animals didn’t love me back as often as they do,

if my ancestors didn’t clear the path, if i didn’t listen to their wisdom—however gentle, odd, or unfortunate it may come

if my heart hadn’t tapped back in, to a rhythm we could sustain

was this the only path that got me to 30?

because i haven’t had a home in a very, very long time,

i’ve had to make a home in my self, my body, my small part of this earth, my channel to god,

and so, i did.

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i was considering reaching out to a former love of mine, for there’s some poetry to this time of my life that parts of me want him to be privy to, as Cancer holds the wisdom in shared waters.

so i considered and re-considered and found his new number and visited The Archives of old photos and letters and felt a pang pulsing a pathway through the misgivings,

and so I did what I tend to wish I’d done in times like this—pulled out the tarot deck:

and the ancestors said, girl, please be serious. like, verbatim.

so we’re here instead,

knowing this share of a loveletter/breakup letter I wrote on the plane from Barcelona back to Berlin in the summer of 2019 (my favorite summer yet!) will satiate the urge to communicate. having learned over the years that sharing my words does this diffusing (defusing? both, maybe) thing.

it’s like, art, you guys.

however, the letter—my very own words!—made it all the more difficult to stay away from the vortex that is the love we cultivated all those years ago (which imo is still as alive as we are, however changed and re-directed it may be ~ shifted into other pockets & people, hidden away in places for rainy days)

for I make all sorts of declarations,

as people reckoning with love are oft to do,

and in reckoning with them, I remembered the contortions (of all sorts 🤭) no, but seriously, the ways i twisted myself to love someone alongside not actually liking them

how i learned, by way of the romance myth, to value what someone has brought to my life more highly than how they’ve disrespected it or made it more difficult

which sounds swell, all dressed up in the flowery language of love(letters)

but when i ask myself what it’s really rooted in? it’s a warped narrative:

all the wrongs and resentments and violent (passively, implicitly, canonically, whichever) realities i allowed room for in these loves, the justifications and reframes necessary to maintain them, as they weren’t as much loves as emotional bonds (negative, the restraining side of them, and yes, i realize my sagittarius is showing)

bonds born of insecurity and vulnerabilities, an innocence i am grateful to no longer claim

unaware as i was of the energetic consequences of a bond, the interchange of each other’s constitutions that takes place within one

This is part of why I tend to scrunch up my nose at suggestions of community that encourage us to “stick with” one another and continue building relationship with people we do not like, people we perhaps don’t even respect.

like i actually don’t think it’s ~radical~ at all to push through your bodymindspirit’s opposition to someone for the sake of “community.” I think the cis-het style of love we were taught, that nuclear family love that was modeled for us, was grounded in the very notion that we don’t have to like or respect someone to love them. To devote our lives to them, even. yikes.

but more on that another time.

All this to say, I think fostering relationships in this way takes us further from ourselves, our truths, our values (unless your self, your truths, and your values are that cultivating those relationships with those you don’t like is more important to you than anything else ~ which i imagine must be a minority!!)

when the waters i share muddle my liberatory convictions, my authenticity, my sovereignty ??

so fiercely fought for, from my positionality ?!?!?!

nah.

our people make up our reality, and choosing them is nothing to take lightly.

so now, in these moments when I miss people from my past who I struggled with due to differences that felt irreconcilable until we reconciled them,

until one or both of us compromised ourselves or compartmentalized, learned to hide parts of ourselves away for one another’s comfort, or even lied to keep things alive,

thanks to the reflections of this mercury retrograde through cancer, i’ll remind myself that i’ve tried loving that way, and it’s no longer what i’m choosing. it’s not my way forward.

and then what made it all the easier is that i found a photo of him now where he looks like a total douche and works for an AI company 🥴

so though its all now sorted in my head & heart to keep this distance, i still value shedding light on the intimacy, the full-moon-esque release, and the further space it makes for the type of love i’m into now:

love filled with mutual respect, admiration, honesty, and appreciation. love that helps me to feel more like myself, where i help others feel more at home in themselves because i like them just as they are.

imagine that. it’s so much fun! more of this.

okay, anyway, the actual tea lives below, for my special friends

and if you’re like fucccck the middleman that is stripe and/or don’t have monetary funds to offer, you can reach out to me personally. i’m very down for direct-to-me $$ and offers of trades

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hiii if this is the first time you’re seeing me i’m kay and i’m a fugitive (&) anarkata (unofficially) astrologer (professionally, though notably unprofessional) and i started doing video diaries(/vlogs i guess) for my saturn return

despite being in my pajamas, this one isn’t personal, so i’m offering it to the public

(the next one is gonna be the most personal and HIDDEN from sight mwahahaha)

god do I love a lil stream of consciousness. so damn grateful that my consciousness can stream!

as part of MY integrity, my life is essentially a community-funded situation, so it really does mean a lot when people do :)

and if you’re like fucccck the middleman that is stripe (then, friend, u r just like me fr) and/or don’t have monetary funds to offer, you can message me personally. i’m very down for direct-to-me $$ and offers of trades! i have the power to shift u to paid from the back-end.

ok yay

that’s all for now!

see u next time, perhaps

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I thought I’d contribute this to the collective for Pride Month, but I guess it was just that I was meant to meditate on gender & astrology for an hour or so here and there all month instead. It’s still all rather unfinished, but so is everything ~

if u wanna watch me reading this instead of reading it yourself, i was in the mood to record an accompanying video! mars in gemini & jupiter in leo coming in HOT 😛

Lemme start off by naming that I see the gender binary as an inherently violent social construct.

we’re still over here figuring out how we feel about the concept of gender beyond the binary, and this musing here is a part of that journey ~

The binary seems clearly to be about oppressive control, and whatever positive meaning people make out of it and how they identify within it is perhaps just their own inner light shining through and good for them (or an appreciation of the power provided to them within it, and boo @ them) but i’m not of the mind that the gender itself is that positive meaning.

because what a waste for essentially half the human population to be so explicitly molded into a distinctly objectified construct of Venus—codified largely by ancient Greek and Roman aristocrats—and guided, if not altogether forced, to grow into some convoluted iteration of the lunar archetype by way of contemporary motherhood. What a horror for this devalued construct projected onto a population to be so powerfully enforced and ingratiated into belief systems that entire cultures of people have dreaded birthing them into being for generations. It’s sickening, and it is rooted in falsehoods.

and what a terrible tragedy for (bio-)essentially half the population to have certain martian qualities forcefully cast upon them to externalize, drilled into them (which is just so classic Mars 😪) to perform, and the rest of us encouraged to tolerate, if not wholly celebrate, these certain qualities regardless of if u truly in your heart fw them or not, while simultaneously punishing us for exhibiting them?

and then ideally they’re set to mature into a solar quality—but as the wise Christina Yang once said, these men are not, by any means, the Sun. Which may be why so many are, as we speak, walking around confused, angry, and adrift.

and how very limiting that is!

as there should be any number of paths. and we sense this! we’ve sensed this for as long as its lasted this way, i’m sure. so many of us wanting, and some of us getting to live out, different central focuses and values, other purposes, alternative lifestyles.

OK that’s a reductive expression of my thoughtful & studied perception of the situation and the grounding for the astro theory below. If you feel differently, that’s totes fine, I don’t believe in universal truths or truisms, even when I believe the fuck out of what I’m believing.

As i’ve been saying for years now, I see in astrology numerous opportunities to upend systems of oppression—internally and in action. We’re working with multi-dimensional building blocks that can be (re-)configured for so many ways of being different from what’s been forced upon us, rooted in the elements and energies of planet Earth aka us, because u, every last one of yous, is made up of the elements and energies of this planet.

maybe it’s the Scorpio moon i’m under rn, but that’s just so deeply erotic, no? This vast co-creation we have access to? mmmm.

so then with these building blocks, i’m landing on guiding planets (known to some as “ruling" planets, but i’m tryna shift out of language of ruler-ship for obvious reasons) as reflecting some cosmic version of gender

the way i see it ~ we’re emissaries of these particular energies, led down our respective paths by our guiding planets. they’re the stewards of our journeys and I think we take on their character ~ that we’re imbued with a spirit and surrounded by others of this same nature. but under this world order, only a few of us are allowed to live that nature out. we find people, hopefully, who pull it out of us. in spurts ~ for a night, in a relationship that feels safe. but some of us go our entire lives without ever Being Ourselves.

My heart, it aches!

As i touched upon ever so barely above, Venus and Mars, the Moon and the Sun, they get all the gendered hype, and are often even conflated and constrained within. It was first in the recognition of the nuances between lunar & venusian “femininities” as well as solar & martian “masculinities” that had me considering:

there’s 4 different gender spectrums at play here.

and then i didn’t stop there, because, as it happens, i myself resent rather than resonate with any of these particular attempts to wrangle the planetary energies into one of the four contrived & coherent performance of power imbalance [Girlhood, Boyhood, Womanhood, Manhood].

i, in dear jupiterian fashion, consider myself gender expansive. uninterested in those cages, much more in the mood to explore and philosophize and confer with the spirits about it

and in the glorious experience of being surrounded for years by people rejecting the gender binary and experimenting with all sorts of iterations of identity, performance, and experience,

I feel I’ve known people feeling into and carrying out their personal flavor of their guiding planet’s characteristics as a sort of gender.

so i’m playing with a relationship to gender

(right now)

as a quality that when shared—regardless of race, ethnicity, class, religion etc.—relays as a sort of mutual affinity.

(or is meant to, at least)

that being of the same gender does/can/could operate as a sort of shared foundation of what’s what, even if you’re choosing to live out what’s what very differently. and if it did that, organically, that could be nice, right? but the primary issue with the binary as it is now is that it takes a hell of a lot of enFORCEment to ring as any sort of inherent truth.

so then we’d be working with 10 ~cosmic genres~

(9 planets minus earth plus the luminaries = 10)

so, first looks at my take on the 10 (most reductive layer of) cosmically adorned genres

these are the tiniest of blurbs that i look forward to reading more into, discussing with folks, and then expanding on further as the year goes on ~ behind my beloved paywall, of course.

now imma start with me and my mf KIN:

jupiterians

(sagittarius risings, guided by jupiter)

The people for whom life is a journey. It’s giving Frankie the Big BOPPER. Taking up all sorts of space. Bold. LUSH. Ever-expansive. It’s an energy of significance, as Jupiter refuses to go unnoticed. We’re usually doing the absolute most, because we’re led by experience, guided (& guiding) by wisdom. Godparent/Rich Auntie/Head of a Long Dinner Table vibes upon maturity.

mercurials

(gemini and supposedly virgo risings* guided by mercury)

our non-threatening babes. movers and shakers. these mfs are cerebral, okay? little guy in a tanktop and a backwards hat vibes. impish grin kids ~ there’s a youthful (sometimes childish) energy with them that persists through the horrors. here we’re yapping, snapping, dealing, delivering, roller skating, podcasting, gossiping, teaching, something like this. like its a TYPE, you know, they always got something going on that they have to get to after this, not sometimes, but as a way of being.

lunarians

(cancer risings, guided by the moon)

oh, receptive and ever-changing beings, you are. the emotional resonance you emit and collect for us all. this is high priestess energy. this is an experience of the world that eases when you get acquainted with, and lead with, your body’s sensitivity. and imagine how these folks would embody themselves, if they were allowed or even encouraged to shift, all the time. to shine and retreat at will. to flow in and out of identities freely. to pick things up and let them go just as easily. to move away and return as their energy sees fit.

venusians

(taurus and supposedly libra risings* guided by venus)

oh so we’re working in the realm of the senses, perhaps? venus puts out a positive charge, attracting what it wants into its sphere, so these are magnetic folks who should walk a path lined with things they LIKE and ENJOY and find pleasing 😌 and so comes the matter of digging through constant conditioning telling you what you should like and that you have to look and act a certain way to deserve it.

(this is why misogyny has so seriously attacked & warped this energy to respond to & accommodate Manhood. and why it’s so special when re-directed. receptivity that’s receptive to the brilliance of earth, divninity, anything else?? i’ll explore this further in a venus-specific essay)

martians

(aries risings, guided by mars)

these are folks that got that dog in em. there’s almost always a fighting spirit. there is a fire under that ass, even when it tapers down into a lil flicker, just wait until something their pilot light even a lil juice. like y’all stay ready, because the energy here is one of action, to be a force of nature. so damn hot-headed they often end up bald one way or another.

solarians

(leo risings, guided by the sun)

you trend-setting hotties, i just beam thinking of you all and your responsibility to be yourselves, fully and honestly, on your hero’s journey. the love and clarity you’re meant to emanate. there’s a steadiness in this spirit that must be so hard to hold onto considering how many of us are taught to doubt ourselves, shift ourselves into social conventions and beauty standards. the proud solarian force deserves such space to BE.

uranians

(aquarius risings, guided by uranus)

you wacky fucking weridos, i love ya. listen, these folks are different and being different—living out some radical truth with/in their every move, may be of the utmost importance in their lives. so consider how snuffed and suppressed so many of them must be under this tyrannical world order!! they’re electric in some way or another ~ here to activate and innovate with their very presence. our lil alien tinkerers. what if these upstream swimmers were en masse displaying their alternative, even oppositional lives, without shame ~ letting it lead them? the difference that would make.

plutonians

(scorpio risings, guided by pluto)

they’re INTENSE, okay?! whether they desire to be or not. these mfs are a polarizing force, so it’s quite an experience meeting a plutonian owning their raw & rather extreme nature and expressing that intensity—however it manifests—straight-up on purpose. their journey is often one of reckoning with the trials, tribulations and/or transformations. how they wear that is absolutely varied, but that sort of existence tends to leave a mark or two. but there’s great power here that they’re often not given any support at all in learning to wield. alas

neptunians

(pisces risings, guided by neptune)

our je ne sais quoi community. carrying something you can’t quite read or grasp.. someone people can drown in? or spend their lifetime trying to draw, make music about, capture with the written word? some sort of ethereal, otherworldly, even too-good-for-this-world energy? 24hr daydreamy vibes? i’ve seen a sort of saintly, sometimes cherub genre for these folks, but a part of me wonders if we all don’t see someone different in them, with the kaleidoscope nature of neptune.

saturnians

(capricorn risings, guided by saturn)

now these folks are the mf providers. they are somewhere absolutely making shit happen. there’s a strength here. a determination. there’s a steadiness in their spirit. our serious sallys. the stoic among us! they give Trustworthy. If ‘Daddy’ persists in this cosmic genre paradigm, it is because of them.

so just excuse me if i prefer energetic inclination over bio-essentialism. especially when the colors and natures of that inclination are at absolute minimum 12 for each one (aka the zodiac signs the guiding planets are placed in). so even with just that we’ve jumped from 3 genders (if we’re including our contemporary catch-all friend, Enby) to 120. add the layer of the houses onto that and we’re up to 1440! expressions/presentations of GENDERS(/genres). doesn’t that just exhilarate you?!

and there’s infinite further nuances spelled out in our lived experiences and reflected in our charts 🤩🫨😝🥵😌👁️🫦👁️🗣️👢🙈🐙🪷🐚🌈

i’m very excited to be getting into this more at my leisure. see you later with that, if ur on the list

and as i always sayyyy, you can hmu directly to evade the middleman and his troll tolls

ok that’s all for now see you next time lmk your thoughts and concerns, i’m never tied to anything i’m just THEORIZING HERE !!

with the Martian influence upon Saturn, this time gets to be grounded in my own motivation, my own desires. Perhaps that’s why i’ve always felt off about the Buddhist denouncement of desire. With a Mars-guided Saturn, nothing’s going down, nor getting real, nor lasting, without desire. Getting serious about my motivations—after all this exploring, after getting curious with folks from all around the world and a thousand different positionalities, after making temporary homes in other people’s desires, after a slew of impulses, whims, and the consequences within—now, i’m that much closer to rooting into something solid, landing on my personal launchpad of raison d’etre.

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basically, i do not care for Industries, and i can physically no longer aspire to be part of any of them,

but i’m currently in Prime Writing Retreat Territory and felt called to reunite with my abandoned characters, revisit their backstories, shake my head at my wildly ambitious storyboard which now looks more like a damn trilogy than a debut novel (I had just read Ntozake Shange’s Some Sing, Some Cry and considered no bounds for my timeline).

returning to this world again feels creative in a more expansive sense than when i was first writing ~ less about processing my trauma and more about playing in my experiential playground. its been fun to see what i was into at the time, how weird i got with structure ~ shifting narratives and tenses, trying out different ways to do dialogue and casting birth charts to incorporate each person’s compatibilities, tensions and divine magic. i have a character who writes in poems, another through diary entries, and i’m grateful that i had taken this free-writing opportunity to explore many avenues, definitely inspired by the varied genres of Akwaeke Emezi. and aforementioned Ntozoke Shange, of course, experimental queen. and Alice Walker, NK Jemisin, I was reading them all at the time of this worldbuilding, back in our collective early ’20s.

I’m thinking that quarantining (if you actually did so) revealed if you had worlds to build/to visit/to explore/to find living within you, the spirits, and the collective (un)conscious you have access to, or if the totality of your world, or at least the totality of the world you want(ed), lay with others, on this plane, in the social order you’re familiar with

and i think the answer to that has a strong impact on how you relate to the time. and on how you were changed by that time.

i read so much between 2020 and 2022, it was outstanding. my inner child was over the moon. and, naturally, i also wrote. a fair bit of that lives at the beginning of this substack’s archive. other stuff, like my attempts at fiction, i kept to myself. in part because it was silly! there was also profundity of course, and so much more now to infuse after all this time. but some of it, as i’m displaying below, was a bit silly, which can be difficult for me as a virgo mercury. i remember being in the 8th grade and submitting a poem on the experience of having a crush, and when my teacher asked me to share it aloud for a school-wide #poetryslam, i REFUSED because i didn’t want to be on a stage talking about silly crushes! i wanted any writing i shared to be respected 😤

but now because I myself respect the creative process, and my deep-set faith that whatever is in the hundred-odd pages i have so far to work with will be transmuted into something special ~ regardless, perhaps especially because, of the silliness

and so in true Saturn Return fashion, i’ve decided that i’m gonna stick with it. i’m gonna write this book. i think the meaning—the intention—will change, though, just as i’ve changed in these last years. and a lot will have to go.

so, i thought some of what goes could perhaps go here! we’ll try it out, at least.

so enjoy these bits of boarding school and new york and modeling, and know that while you will not find them in my debut novel, you WILL find george. george already exists, and their story will be told.

the Fawn moms fawn over george often, and I’ll tell you why

she’s bone thin

the Fawn moms touch george often, and I’ll tell you why

she’s Black

and because she’s both (:: exotic, a toy)

they’re always trying to get her into modeling,

telling her about their ins with people,

friends who are agents

and can make things happen for her

—and their rounder, paler, generally

unremarkable daughters

resent her for it,

stopped inviting her

to join along for off-campus dinners

which is really just fine, because

the Stag dads leered at her at them

over her $50 porterhouses—

and yet she’s never heard anything beyond this

from the Fawn moms,

nary a follow-up text nor a mention at the next volleyball game

(maybe because these women don’t even make it to 4:20

before getting high on their various forms of soma)

and she was never quite sure

if they wanted her to push it,

hear her ask,

have her beg,

but george speculates they just have difficulty

remembering she’s a person

who exists outside of them.

but last summer in nyc,

in the very first week after the solstice,

she was waltzing down 14th street

when someone with pink hair and an asymmetrical jean skort

stops her with urgency—

WHO are you signed with?

She was like, excuse me? naturally

and was affronted with a thick card

Butterfly, no last name,

was with Bored, a modeling agency,

and they wanted her to come meet with their team,

immediately, before she left town

just for a chat

she went, of course. carpe diem and shit.

They took photos of her profile, hands, and feet

wrapped a tape measure over her boobs, waist, and ass

sat her down in a conference room,

asked about her ambitions in modeling,

and she realized in that moment that she may not want this at all

said, i just want to work with Black people and be happy

they couldn’t promise either one, told her

this takes a lot of work.

she was like lmfao um, why?

six of them stared back at her,

either blankly, hungry, or shifty

and then there was the sun,

who shined directly into her eyes.

she had deja vu.

they spoke in turn:

you should know...

it’s not a job.

it’s a lifestyle, honey.

expect nothing, okay?

hope for everything, though.

you could be sitting here after a year

on either six figures

or a mound of debt

and an insecurity complex you’ll never, ever, shake.

that last one is our only promise, actually.

BUT

you might get to wear a fancy dress

or be gifted to a billionaire,

or have branded nudes posted

in glossy print magazines overseas

(with our consent, on your behalf)

just imagine.

she said, okay...

but anyone can be on a billboard,

or in a magazine,

or wear a fancy dress,

if they can pay for it.

so is it really that special?

she didn’t say (didn’t know):

these single-serving,

people-pleasing

meets and greets

and walks and spins

and pics that take

blood, sweat, tears—nah,

fucking force

your lifeblood,

self-worth,

and values out of you

(all three)

as payment

to shine

as

yourself

(if they let you, and only for as long as they profit off you)

they are nothing in comparison to her dreams.

(not that she knows what those are yet)

Why would she

pay

in time and dignity

as well as money, mind you,

so that her

Beautiful

Ethereal

Angelic

form can contribute to—

what is the fashion industry, really?

child slave labor and a classist culture of exclusion

in a trenchcoat and heels.

these are the things she considered, subconsciously, during her staring contest with the sun,

a plane went by, and she won.

Her goals

as a model

what an absurd concept. what a waste of goals.

she told them she’d get back to them after finishing school

they said the door was always revolving—

well they said “open”

with their mouths.

that was fun!! this is fun. it feels like its what Substack is all about: writing that will not go into a book. i do think in the future though i’ll put these scrapped snippets behind the privacy wall along with my Saturn Return video diaries. (i’ve also just recorded an accompanying entry to make its way here shortly.) maybe it’s my guiding planet being in my 8th house, but i am lovingggg the privacy wall of it all.

and as i say every time, if you want to join in on my secrets without inputting your card deets for fee-charging middlemen, you can reach out to me!

This is the fourth country i’ve vlogged from since Saturn shifted into Aries (!) and though that is quite a different situation from what I anticipated for this time, I shall only assume ~ have faith, rather ~ that i’m on the right path.

That’s made much easier by the fact that I feel good here, where I am now :)

my ancestors couldn’t have made it more clear that this place was calling out to me

to melt into a mundane all my own.

i’ve been remembering that my Saturn in Aries really gets going when in autopilot,

which is to say, letting my ancestors lead in our multidimensional dance

through the immaterial space before some-thing is (or is not) brought into being ~

these constant choice points that a life of fugitivity offers

flow more freely when spiritually shared ~

and no longer as often embodied search-and-seizures by the traumatics,

not as affected by pressure, nor compelled by pain.

in this time, i’ve gotten more glimpses into my past as truly p a s s e d by & back

and packed tightly into a foundation of rich soil for all that i’m stepping into, now, on, and around

as my phases so far, the various eras that made up my first saturn cycle ~ including the perceived failures and persistent frustrations, truly for all the limitations, i must say, they’ve been damn (re)generative. they’ve taken me to otherworldly places, pleased my spirits, and set me on course to one day root myself into the riverbed of this primordial stream i’ve learned to float down.

my experiences of drifting, drowning, flailing, treading, bobbing, swimming, whitewater rafting, dipping my feet in, walking alongisde,

they’ve been vast, visceral, vibrant,

and still yet, in grace & gratitude, i get these blissfully boring bits of pregnant peace that bear pure fucking magic on the other side. sometimes, i float.

under this sagittarius full moon, i’m feeling existentially blessed by our great benefic:

Jupiter, guide and godparent,

buoying me, in this moment and always!

get the tea in the video diary

behind the privacy wall, you’ll find the sixth installment of my saturn return vlogs. if you’d like to peep in on the deets of this journey, you can invest in my secrets by way of becoming a paid subscriber

and if you’re like fucccck the middleman that is stripe and/or don’t have monetary funds to offer, you can reach out to me personally. i’m very down for direct-to-me $$ and offers of trades!

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we’re so BACK.

After a harrowing couple of months in my 4th house hell that is the united states, i’m freeee at last and resting/exploring/laughing/relaxing/clawing my way back to the homeostasis accessible to me pretty much everywhere else on earth.

however, as expected and somewhat dreaded ~ things are already shifting yet again,

and this saturn return is ushering in another lesson-filled era 😮‍💨

but i’m excited about this one(!!!)

check out the full update below!

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howeva ~ if you’re like fucccck the middleman that is stripe and/or don’t have monetary funds to offer, you can reach out to me personally. i’m very down for direct-to-me $$ and offers of trades!

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some say snooping makes it harder to move on, but if you’ve ever had the unfortunately common experience of loving a cis man, i’m sure you’ll understand that its quite the contrary.

I think they tend to stay off social media, because on some level they know that all it does is give the rest of us more reasons to like them even less. It’s lovely to see that my mind is a beautiful, romantic place that will err towards remembering my past lovers as lovelier than they deserve.

So anyway, he has a substack now (copycat)

and in all his unchanged pseudointellectual normie liberal zionist bullshit, his first essay was on what he called “evermaskers,” comparing folks who wear masks to mormons(??) I won’t link to it, because what a waste of everyone’s time, but in true Libran North Node & Chiron fashion, my hate-read reminded me just how my relationships (past, present, & future) teach me so much about my own growth, evolution, and life path in that ~

i appreciate a lil reminder that i’m aligned because of my distance from him 😌

because! socialization is a powerful force. and our susceptibility to it doesn’t just organically wane with age. it takes an even-more-powerful will, inner compass, a self-reflection practice, and brilliant subversive friends (either/or/all of the above??) to find your truth & selfhood outside of it,

so i’m long past surprise that masking is an uncommon action. between being vilified in media & law, pathologized in the medical & mental health industrial complexes (though notably not in the field of scientific research), i have little hope of masking returning as a popular practice within the dominant social order, before/unless the air becomes impossible to breathe without them.

Masking is antisocial behavior, and i’m personally very ok with that

so i’m offering this shifted view on it to folks who already get that society ain’t got shit to behave for:

Masking as anarchic, fugitive praxis

I’m here, before you (in a sense) making the case that masking is not the repression it’s been painted to be, but a radical adaptation towards collective liberation. I’m offering a re-consideration of masking as powerful daily praxis for fugitivity, mobility, underground movement-building, collective well-being, protection, climate realism, and privacy from the state.

My fugitive praxis is radical ~ as in rooted into my ever-evolving integrity. My praxis is inspired by the Earth’s and my body’s—as an extension of Earth’s—wisdom and the belief that my foremost purpose is as a steward of their sovereignty. Both have taught me how to adapt to changing circumstances ~ adaptation not as a means of complacency, but resistance to the dominant order’s violent attempts at maintaining the status quo.

This world—this planet—is different from the one we were born into. Corporations have corrupted our climate landscape into a multi-layed crisis through constantly polluting the air, water, and soil for decades. Profit-driven construction has our buildings full of volatile organic compounds oftentimes more toxic than what’s outside. And now, waves of viruses rip through the population attacking our cells from within. No one in power is gonna tell us to take these things seriously, because taking it seriously requires:

-admitting they’ve intentionally poisoned us our entire lives

-upending their profits and systems of control

-their removal from power

Instead of a representative government that centers the lives and needs of the collective above all, we have a clan of cretins that manufactures consent for its evils through (narrative) media and (the threat of) violence. And much like an unmitigated airborne virus, the malevolent hegemony spreads throughout the globe. Disrupting industry for longer than other nations became the true fear of world leaders, so borders and businesses re-opened before it was safe to do so, and the millions upon millions of folks dead and disabled along the way were to be buried beneath the collective trauma. Masking is a grapevine of collective care resisting that.

Is masking fun? Not really. But so fucking what, you guys. Get it together.

Incarcerations, deportations, and certain forms of surveillance have ofc been around, but technofascism has changed the landscape—between biometric data collection, social media surveillance, cameras on every corner with facial recognition software and recording devices sending info straight to the feds—seeing us to an extent that eradicates fugitive possibilities is clearly a foremost priority for the state. Disrupting that process, and practicing being unseen whenever and however possible allows us to practice fugitivity, staying out of captivity to resist another day.

If you’re afraid of not fitting in, please realize there are so many worlds to explore outside of the social order. Countless cracks and crevices to wedge ourselves into that may at first feel constricting, but when positioned there—together—we can expand them, further threatening this decaying structure. A Black Anarchist politic doesn’t shy away from the discipline and commitment that preserving our sovereignty calls for. Taking it on as a personal politic requires radical acceptance (and all the layers of grief and rage along the way) of the depth & scope of oppression weaved so thoroughly into the fabric of our society that we must cast this mf smallpox blanket off entirely and throw it to a cleansing fire.

Masking takes us into afrofutures. It’s an act of adaptation.

This is not an appeal for further isolation. The fear of separation inspired by seeing masks is real for folks who haven’t yet processed their grief around the pandemic. In my travels around the world since the months of quarantining in 2020, i’ve learned that various governments enforced lockdown measures through state violence and, for some, under (threat of) death. It’s been in these nationstates that i’m met with the most concern, fear or abject denial at the sight of my mask. What folks seem to have trouble arriving to is the consideration that the problem lies with the existence of murderous nationstates that operate violently rather than the concept of a community implementing new measures in drastic circumstances to save lives.

Masking is already anarchist praxis. That so many have come to think otherwise is a show of a successful propaganda campaign.

I consider the vilification of masking a state psyop [psychological operation of controlling public perception and consensus reality]. Since 2021, copaganda programming has thrown in the use of medical-grade masks to signify someone as dangerous and the State had their IRL agents of evil (ICE) covering their faces (not that i’ve seen them in respirators) so that those more susceptible to social programming associate masks with Bad People Doing Bad Things. During the university encampments protesting the genocide of Palestinians, rhetoric pushing students to remove their masks to “prove their bravery” put them in greater danger not just for communicable illnesses, but also punitive measures still affecting folks today. The rhetoric around mask bans directly reflects this—criminalizing those who wear them and demanding access to folks’ faces as they introduce facial recognition software and biometric data collection at every border, school, stoplight, storefront, and stoop.

So, yes, masking is anti-social behavior in the sense that it doesn’t comply with the dominant social order. Wearing a physical marker of an Omnipresent Danger is antisocial behavior when the state-peddled is narrative is: There Is No More Danger (so go to work!) When the social order demands a truncated, regulated grief process and values the idea/act of “moving on,” a mask operates as an antisocial reminder of loss, mass death, and unfortunately ever-present threats to our lives and well-being. Exploitation and state violence benefits from our forgetting. The scrubbing of archives will succeed in disrupting collective memory, if we are willing participants in that convenient narrative that the neurodegenerative pandemic simply disappeared, despite heaping evidence to the contrary.

Masking employs a politic of refusal against eugenics.

Masking wasn’t taken on as a script within western cultural hegemony in part because it disrupts our eugenicist conditioning. Taking risks with people’s bodies at capitalism’s behest and abandoning disabled folks, though? Right on track. The US’ “essential worker” paradigm revealed that public health in this nation is about the preservation of this economic system funneling money to the greediest among us. The corpocratic state-sanctioned end to mask mandates and shift into mask bans across cities, companies, and campuses continues that paradigm today. When the social order is centered around capital, and the state cannot outright own us as living, breathing commodified capital, they’re gonna capitalize through and on our death and our dying. Come to find out we’re all essential workers, because people working themselves to death is essential to keep this killing machine running. And to top it off, we’re conditioned to offer up our lives with a smile. Covering that smile—by way of masks or depression, rage, dissatisfaction—is an affront to the dominating powers that be.

And when the social order is entertainment as a distraction from the existential grief & shame of living in the heart of empire, complicit in horrific systems of domination that creep around every curve of the globe…disrupting the distraction by way of masking naturally becomes anti-social behavior. Concerts, clubs, bars, restaurants, holidays are co-opted as consumer reprieves ~ levity to balance out the weighty responsibility offloaded onto citizens under the social contract and facade of representative governance.

Masking is an act of self-preservation.

Because the primary association is with illness, masked folks are generally punished with similar social ramifications as disabled people. Despite compounding intergenerational debility and dis(-)ease, folks like to consider themselves able-bodied, because this social order vilifies disability and Black folks know the last mf thing we need to add to our plates is an additional vilified identity. However, as we’ve seen with the upending of Zionism as a social norm in a matter of years, we do have the power to shift social scripts in relatively short periods of time. In my more optimistic moments, I can envision the showing of our faces as a sign of (earned) trust, and our masks as signals of care-full communal protection.

We need to sharpen our discernment if we’re going to shake this trajectory of empire cushioning its fall with our stacked bodies. Masking puts that into daily practice. Unnecessary risks, like showing up barefaced to an action or a mf Publix, play directly into the hands of the oppressors. A Disability Justice x Black Anarchy praxis is tethered by a shared commitment to agency, collective responsibility, and the knowing that none of us is free until all of us are free. Being a broken link in the chain of transmission sounds a lot like liberation praxis to me.

We are best positioned to engage in fugitive praxis when agile and aware. We are best positioned to resist and revolt when we value keeping each other’s bodymindspirits alive, when we enjoy being in our bodies enough to protect that experience. When we’re so in tune with the ease of existence that accepting exploitation is no longer even an option.

I see that for us. I envision that future. And I think masking takes us there.

Though of course imperfect, mask blocs have been an amazing model of anarchist mutual aid, and they need more support, investment, and appreciation for showing up not just in the context of disease spread, but also coming tf through for Californians dealing with air pollution from wildfires, when the state’s unwilling and unprepared to provide PPE. We’re facing a future of worsening air pollution, novel viruses, a butchered public health system, and increased surveillance. We have gotta start wearing high-quality N95 + KN94 masks and respirators because only we will keep us safe.

Meaning: the pressure is on.

Saturn is in the sky—right now—almostexactly (though not quiiiiiite) on top of where Saturn was when I was born, for the very first time since I was born

(i get into the wildness of that in my first diary entry)

and it is absolutely no joke how intense and significant and weighty this time feels.

It really does seem like a series of tests ~ primary of which i’m identifying as:

a confusing dance of personal & shared responsibility (in relationships & beyond),

honoring my potential, power & priorities, as well as

taking my authenticity & intuition seriously.

I’m recognizing that this Saturn in Aries feels in my body like a personal implosion when i’m not doing what it calls for from me. It feels all hot. aggravating. Though i’d rather that to an explosion.

This energy is wildly dynamic, and I hate just how much literal fucking dynamite has been part of our collective experience of it. Aries energy is the only that precedes the earthly embodiment and grounded values of Taurus, and the sheer disregard for embodied beings and the EARTH is too goddamn loud and vile.

How i decide to meet this moment in time, as an adult with agency over my time and energy and existential responsibility, is absolutely part of this transit. I think i’m going to explore that more in my next entry.

however, in this video diary entry below, for my special friends, we’re getting into some of the celestial poetry of my Saturn placement. We’re tapping into sabian symbols and a song from the Saturn in Aries playlist that i’ve cultivated over the last few years. (there’s a clue abt which song in the subtitle 🤭) I’m gonna put a link to that playlist down there too. Looking forward to sourcing more songs for it over these next couple yrs and super open to anyone’s suggestions, if they also happen to associate songs with planets & placements while listening :)

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cannot emphasize enough how helpful these have been already, i highly recommend something of this sort for my fellow saturn return-ers.

and i intend to at some point open up convos with others going through their saturn return, so we may discuss the trials.

and again, if you reach out directly, we can work a lil smth out between us and i can move you to the ~paid~ tier from the back end by way of personal monetary compensation or a trade. middlemen be dammed!

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~ whew ~

really leaning into the mercury retrograde thru pisces with this streaaaaam of consciousness. this is already feeling to be such a valuable practice, and i’m appreciating this self-imposed opportunity for a lil self-expression, reflection, and getting all the more comfortable with my voice and vulnerability, not from a place of externalizing my trauma or my successes but this, like, wisdom?? i’ve been jazzed for a long time about getting wise, didn’t think i’d ever get old enough to feel wise, and now i’m exploring my experiential wisdom in a way that feels good and genuine to me and it is like FUN. amidst all the horrors and challenges, i’ve realllly been committing to cultivating not just joy but some mf fun into this personal & collective liberation work, bc i don’t see how we’re making it through without that. also that font on the picture reminds me of being a kid, and i also think a lot of this return (and this vlog tbh) is gonna be finding a new relationship to & positioning for my inner child. it’s just all so very aries i love it.

so this first ep is giving the existential voicenote you get from your long-distance astro bestie that u listen to on the train, and what makes it even better is that you also get to see my beautiful expressive face making oh so many expressions and gesticulating wildly with my huge hands. we’re getting into some of the already-in-full-swing trials and tribulations and revelations of this very tangible cosmic experience, but the nature of my intimacy gatekeeping is that this series is going behind a paid subscriber paywall. except

^^^ this intro vid. so you can check out the vibe.

who is to say how these will evolve. let’s find out!

btw, if you reach out directly, we can work a lil smth out between us and i can move you to the ~paid~ tier from the back end. middlemen be dammed!

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if you’re not into watching people talk at screens rn, then this series probably won’t be for you, but i’ll tell you the plan anyway:

well, first the intention: i’m trying to move through this saturn return with my eyes open. it can be easy for me to forget what happens during certain transits, and i know the lessons of this one need to last a lifetime (or the next 30 years at least)

so, we’re gonna do some proper documentation and that’s apparently going to come in the form of a VLOG!

i’m going to attempt some unfiltered, raw aries self-expression and reflection (which is not so aries in nature, but i’m more than this one sign, ofc)—in these structured and gatekept (aka saturnian) spaces.

and the nature of my intimacy gatekeeping is that this series goes behind a paid subscriber paywall. except this intro vid. so you can check out the vibe. but they’ll probably get better as i go, as that’s what practice (and Saturn) is all about!

btw, if you reach out directly, we can work things out between us and i can move you to the ~paid~ tier from the back end

ok! that’s all for now! lmk if there’s anything you’d love for me to speak to in these dispatches.

with care & in solidarity,

kay

p.s. the intro pics were taken as a half-birthday present from the MARVELOUS phae (← link to their substack) on a truly magical trip to Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica. we’re so grateful.

(an intimate foundations of astro study cohort 🤭)

my first venture into long-form astro teaching was so collectively rewarding. i received heaps of praise and encouragement from my first cohort to do it again ~ improved, of course, as any 9H virgo mercury would expect out of themself (both those who have no idea what that means AND the girls who get it are welcome!)

say less i'm in

so if you want the fundamentals ~ to understand how a collection of glyphs come together to tell the story of a life, how the zodiacal picture gets painted, how the art of your astrological imprint can be lovingly interpreted through your own eyes, with all the nuance you deserve…without having to unravel and unlearn a bunch of colonial bullshit like heteronormativity, protestant values, mythologies of whiteness, hierarchy, and capitalism on the other side of it, congrats. you’ve found a potential teacher in me.

astrology is a map and a puzzle, a guide and a language(!!) and all of this gets quite flattened in the midst of AI warlords’ hold on internet. What was once filled with (albeit, mostly white and oftentimes disappointing) perspectives from real astrologers across the globe, contemporary and centuries past, has now devolved into meaningless, aggregated bullshit. i’m finding that perhaps the golden age of astro solo-study has passed, at least until we push that bullshit off the internet.

because, as i love to say, astrology is a living form of indigenous knowledge that evolves through the oral tradition. so in my work as an astrologer, a reader and a teacher, i offer nuanced guidance in translating the celestial energies ~ making meaning of existence through a holistic, spiritual, ecological, anarkata lens.

i’m taking what i’ve learned—

from my decade+ of group facilitation, hundreds of chart readings, god-knows how many hours of personal research and study (pre-AI’s heinous introduction and still now through astro libraries i stumble upon around the world), the essays i’ve written, workshops i’ve designed, collective explorations i’ve hosted and, naturally, the first 3-month shared-study curriculum i designed—

and i’m bringing this stage of my revolutionary astrology theory to 5 - 8 sweet students. we’re gonna learn and share and intuit and practice together for twelve weeks and see what comes of it.

this new crew will be gathering weekly over three months and moving through the planets, zodiac, houses, elements & modalities, aspects, and transits ~ so everyone leaves our time together feeling comfortable with doing some charting & delineation of their own.

the beauty of gathering around shared values is that we can enjoy relationship building along the way, learning from each other’s interpretations and lived experiences. and with a small group, there’s lots of space for asking questions about your personal chart.

along the way of learning astrology as:

a map, guide, support

for shifting foundations, interrupting paradigms,

embodying & actualizing one’s selfhood,

and sourcing hope that there’s infinitely more ways of being than the oppressive circumstances we’ve grown up within ~ ~ ~ those infinite possibilities are spelled out in our ancient sky.

the natal chart is a cosmic fingerprint speaking to who we are, have been, will be—before, beyond, and contorted within these elaborate systems and structures. i hope to show through these 12 weeks, how astrology can lay a path away from our conditioning to accept this heinous, heartbreaking order as the only possible way to live. surrender to this world order is horribly disrespectful to the divine gift of life spelled out in each of our natal charts.

interdependence, an irrefutable reality of Earth and our celestial family, thrives with mutual respect, symbiosis, and care. that’s what i teach in my astrology.

i’m not stingy with my perspectives, but whew chile, i am not cut out for content. for one, where’s the relationship in that?? add in that i seek neither notoriety nor consistency, and the fact that my perspective & paradigm are not meant for mass appeal. i don’t see most (astrologers or otherwise) having the range to engage in astrology for holistic liberation, because if most of us knew how to embody liberation, we’d be living in a very different world.

beyond all that, with these whims of mine, it’s simply not my way.

i practice the oral tradition when my spirit calls me to, and, even then, often just to a few.

so whether you're new to it all or you’ve been speaking the language, but find yourself interested in my dialect, this cohort is for astrology enthusiasts who want to expand beyond pop and/or traditional astrology and into holistic understanding through this cosmic practice integrating time, space, land, myth, relationship, and selfhood ~ from a queer disabled Black spiritual ecofeminist perspective, as our perspective is imperative in this meaning-making work.

this journey will likely begin at the end of Gemini season, perhaps the beginning of Cancer season, sometime at the end of June, subject to the cohort’s agreement, and running for 12 weeks. i’m asking $33-66/person/week. for further clarity, this offering includes:

weekly two-hour (recorded) study sessions and access to all slides,

weekly two-hour (free-flowing, not recorded) office hour space for questions and practice,

homework suggestions to do between study sessions (optional, obvi)

and access to all my past recorded workshops to supplement the journey (there’s ~12).

there will also be opportunities to practice interpreting each other’s charts (or a random chart, if you’re super private like that)

if you’re interested and have the capacity, fill out this interest form. if you have any hesitations, concerns, or questions, feel free to reach out to me personally at cosmichealingfam@protonmail.com or schedule a vibe check with me to connect face-to-face.

with care & in solidarity,

kay

I don’t relate to this as laborious work, for it feels exactly what I came here to do—to think for myself. To land upon what lights me up, to experience deep senses of alignment that relax my bones.

Mind you, there is very little under This World Order for me to align with. Born in the belly of a centuries-old beast, voracious in its consumption + destruction, nefarious + neglectful, I remained existentially dissatisfied for a long while.

I tolerated everyone and everything, barely and poorly. I ached for it all to be different.

Authorities infuriated me. Rules were ridiculous. Limitations on my being, suffocating.

When i was young i assumed my Blackness to be what was stifling me,

knew it impacted everything, despite the facade otherwise

and i willed it to be inconsequential - i am not my skin, hm?

My Blackness was inescapable, because - though i did not understand this yet -

that was the American project. (and do i mean all the Americas)

Black was to mean Slave,

but my bones demanded freedom.

I sought wholeness, fullness, truth, authentic expression. I rarely witnessed it, but still I tried on my own, here and there. Watched it evolve when exposed to the air. Felt into the fire of it, and resented the scalding consequences.

And then as I aged, I was being punished less and less for it. (Children are the most oppressed among us.) And when pushing against nonsense restrictions and outmoded ideals, I was increasingly met with respect. I was, somehow, ascending within the confines of the institutions

receiving crumbs that were meant to placate me, approval that was meant to trick me into wanting more, responsibilities meant to exhaust me, mentorship encouraging me to ‘play the game,’ suitors subduing my spirit

And somehow(!) I was feeling more and more sick.

Drained, despite the appreciation. Vigilant despite the celebration.

I realized only in retrospect that I was being harvested.

That this machine is in fact voracious,

feeds not only on homogeneity, but also authenticity,

not just obedience, but also civil disobedience.

Why else would we be taught the instructions in their schools?

Bit of a jump here, but work with me: why would incarceration and solitary confinement, these soul-crushing tortuous conditions, get named time and again as a step on the narrative journey of inspirational activism?

incarceration is enslavement. it is the ultimate (mostly non-consensual but my GOD when its voluntary like don’t even get me started) participation in this system.

the prison industrial complex involves institutions, intimately, in its functioning. and vice versa.

So the mission became how to actualize and embrace my wholeness, fullness, truth, agency, authentic expression

without getting snapped up.

How to divest my Energy, my Person, my Self, my Being, and All Of My Fucks

out and away from feeding that which cages, poisons, and kills.

And I’m finding that path through fugitivity—Black fugitivity, of course.

Resistance, liberation, and survival all come together in Black fugitivity,

taking ourselves out of the systems that have run on our energy since their inception

and exploring what creative, fertile, life-giving, liberatory worlds we can experience outside of them.

My mind, my body, and my spirits all have a hand in getting me out. Each working their own magic, offering their guidance, escaping their own plantations.

The first time i left truly, with the intent never to return,

i was (deadass) due to die at any time, and yet

all of a sudden i was more alive than i’d been in years.

i don’t believe this is by accident,

the meaning i make of this, my salvation.

mind-body-spirits joint seal of approval to continue this incarnation.

what if we found ourselves, the rest of ourselves, these parts of ourselves

that are not simply suffering slaves or capitulated capitalists—

what if we are made whole when seeking something beyond,

meeting one another on the margins and pushing them further,

making more space for us to be free of the cyclone at the center.

Black Fugitivity is a politic, a praxis, a guide

an embodied honoring of sovereignty

a modality of radical reclaiming of selfhood within empire

Black fugitivity collapses time—

past, present, future channeled into an ancestral, afrofuturist creative pathway to surviving change and collapse.

They disappeared our spirits from our consciousness with false gods,

and we find our way to them anyway.

corrupted our ancestors with false narratives,

but the truth comes to us in our dreams.

severed our relationship to the planet

yet the winds sing sweetly to us anyhow

the trees sway in tune with our rhythms

the sun shimmers on our skin

the moon embraces us into her night.

Black fugitivity is a means towards re-indigenization

calls for closer communing with the land and the skies,

it’s conspiring with the lands to free one another, to get free together

dismantling the borders,

manifesting our destiny to free ourselves from this mess.

we are not a passive objects waiting to be freed.

we are not looking to be granted freedom.

i am freeing myself and the spirits who choose to move with me

and it has been my greatest honor, my deepest joy

and no one could get me to regret it. i won’t feel shame around it,

this tool of the white man and his god of guilt.

I don’t think Black people realize how quickly this would all collapse

were we simply to stop surviving on their terms,

in their death cult,

where we drink the poison first.

Fugitivity is freedom from the falsehoods;

there is nothing for us in this world they carved from flesh

unmired by theft or greed or shame or stress.

I don’t think a nationstate we can call “ours” is freedom—

we are only as free as the lands we live on, and the construct of land ownership maintains a collective consciousness of domination.

I don’t think more guns will bring us to freedom—

we will always be outgunned by a war machine that has funneled our labor and the power in the planet into weapons of mass destruction for over half a century.

i don’t think fighting for “equal rights” will save us from impending doom—

when the entire structure is one of hierarchy, to introduce equality would require dismantling it to dust.

I believe in liberating ourselves and each other—body, mind, and soul—from accepting a culture, a world, of domination,

hoping and praying, believing that the planet (and) spirits will meet us halfway.

So then, what does fugitivity look like? ah, so many pathways.

You can learn more, discuss, scheme and storyshare at Cosmic Healing’s upcoming Black fugitivity series: Anarkata Rising

its open to all!! 15 varied virtual spaces throughout sagittarius szn.

Fugitivity is a self-liberation practice, an honoring of autonomy and inner authority.

And i’m sure you’ve already practiced a lil fugitivity to make it here.

mutual aid is fugitivity

transness and gender fluidity is fugitivity

informal economies are fugitivity

fleeing abusive homes/relationships is fugitivity

unemployment is a state of fugitivity

statelessness and migration is fugitivity

homelessness is a state of fugitivity

hoodoo is fugitvity

covid-cautiousness and masking is fugitivity

community education is fugitivity

foraging is fugitivity

tax and debt evasion is fugitivity

and so much more! we’ll be building on this list together throughout the series. hope to chat with you there.

with care & in solidarity,

kay