We’ve talked before about finding purpose and the importance of purpose in your life, but we haven’t really delved into communicating your purpose to others. That’s what today is really about.

The reason this is important - along the lines of communicating your needs or expectations to others - is twofold:

1. Being able to communicate your purpose can help solidify your why, the ideas behind your purpose, and your execution of the attaining the purpose. It doesn’t have to be perfect the first time, but working on it and figuring out how to verbalize it can help you think clearer and take more direct action.

2. Communicating your purpose to others allows them to offer help, perspective, and encouragement. You get to engage your community (the people you choose) in your process, which can help motivate as well as rely on others to provide practical help when needed!

All good things!

As you take the time to map out your communication around purpose today, remember to do it with a spirit of non-judgment. You are here, and that is good enough.

Ah, the good ol’ brain dump technique. This is the first wave of the arsenal against insomnia…and something I’m finding I recommend more and more to clients these days.

The basic premise is rooted in cognitive psychology, which addresses your thoughts and thinking processes. The reason that journaling has been such a standard homework assignment for people in therapy for so many decades is that there is an energy transfer when you put your thoughts on paper - it actually helps remove the persistent ruminations from your brain and place them into physical space. This can help make the thoughts less powerful, less persistent, and take up less space in your brain! Especially a brain that wants to rest.

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For those who find these ruminations especially persistent at night, the brain dump is a super useful tool to offload the stress of the day and place it aside to address tomorrow. Simply set a timer and write your thoughts as quickly as possible. This isn’t journaling - even though I mentioned that above - because you’re not trying to create a narrative or tie off the day with a bow. This is straight up stream-of-consciousness writing of whatever pops into that wee little brain of yours. Very little thought goes into this, just writing.

And when the timer stops, you stop. Take three deep cleasing breaths. Commit to leaving those thoughts on the paper. And let your head hit the pillow.

The questions about energy and rest are best answered after trying this exercise and sleeping. Revisit this page the following morning and see how you feel!

• Consideration of the partnership as priority

• Willingness to discuss options and problem-solve together

• Investment of time toward shared goals

Briefly, these are my personal top 3 expectations for my partner. Yours may be vastly different. It depends on a number of things, most of which are significant - financial security, where you live, how you like to live, literal space you can have or that you have to share, personal individual goals you have, your idea of the meaning or value in relationships, your capacity for empathy…

SO . MANY . VARIABLES!

Which is why I’m not going to give you too much guidance on how to answer the expectations part. It’s just a good exercise to put these things down on paper so you can assess how clear, vague, or explicit you have made these to your partner.

Part 2 of the prompt is really about making these expectations explicit.

• How do you talk to your partner about your expectations?

• How do you listen or attend to their expectations of you?

• If you have avoided saying some expectations out loud, why? what could motivate you to say these things and put them out in the open?

• Are you in the kind of partnership where you CAN have open conversations about these things? If not, is this your preference? Is there anything about this you want to change?

I am certainly making an assumption here about expectations: that you *should* communicate them. I am backed up here by science, though…the preeminant researchers into American marriage are clear on this aspect of communication…being aware of our partner’s needs AND our own (i.e., expectations) strengthens our bonds and our ability to navigate tough times. Basically, it enhances our relationship. Who doesn’t want that? (Of course, no judgment if you don’t:))

So, as you sift through your thoughts and feelings today, try to imagine what making your needs or expectations explicit might do to make you feel closer to your partner.

Before reading further, take some time to consider and respond to this prompt.

Ok, now that you’ve written your response, let’s get into this question a bit.

Today’s prompt is asking about your behavior in an uncomfortable, public circumstance. It’s a classic social psychology question that can give you insight into

• your sense of community

• your feelings of responsibility to others, especially strangers

• your ideas of humanity, kindness, compassion

• your indicators of safety in public (i.e., is it safe to approach a stranger even if they look like they’re in need?)

In reviewing your answer, what did you learn about yourself along these lines?

Social psychologists, in reaction to the murder of Kitty Genovese in 1964, began studying prosocial behavior (helping others) and the Bystander Effect to better understand why humans react the way they do when witnessing distress. Much of what we understand about the actual event that led to researcher’s curiosity about prosocial behavior is now considered myth (there we go with that social science and human imperfection again!), but the basic truth remains: different people are motivated to be prosocial or helpful for different reasons and in different circumstances.

Pretty vague, right?

But this is helpful when you consider your own motivations and reactions. Your choices are based on a number of current environment or situation factors (is it daytime or nighttime?), moral or value judgments in the situation (what does the person seem to be hurting from? do I act on the lesson to love they neighbor?), learned behaviors (I know CPR, maybe I can help!), and biological variables (as a woman, I don’t feel safe to run toward danger or threat).

There is no right or wrong answer to the question of “Would you help?” here. There is just the curiosity you can indulge by considering this specific situation and what would motivate your action or non action.

For me, this is clear: Arachnophobia!

I say it in jest, sort of, but there are tried-and-true ways of combating phobias that work. That’s why they are called “gold standard” or evidence-based treatments.

I want to take a minute to explain what that means. Typically, I wouldn’t get so technical, but in this day of anti-science sentiment, I feel like I can be a good-will ambassador for the social sciences here. Thank you in advance for giving me this moment:)

Evidence-based treatments are so labeled because they have undergone rigorous study by multiple teams of practitioners and labs and clinics and researchers to prove that they work. They require a standard protocol that can be followed in various settings (i.e., therapy office, university counseling center, support group, inpatient facility), and aspects of treatment are proven to work for that diagnosis across people in a population. This means that, no matter the background of the person - the economic status, the ethnicity, the cultural practices, the education level - the treatment should work.

This system is not perfect, mainly for the same reason that the social sciences are not perfect: we work with humans, and humans are beautifully imperfect, irrational and unpredictable! One of the biggest imperfections cited is that, in the past, these treatments were normed (studied or ensured to be accurate and effective) on college-aged white men ONLY. This, understandably, causes issues in treatment for anyone who isn’t a college-aged white male! I’m happy to report that the scientific process for studying evidence-based treatments has gotten much more diverse and overall better. Diversity is important in all aspects of life because it translates to better assumptions, practices and outcomes for all!

The treatment for specific phobia - mainly any single thing that you could be pathologically afraid of…in my case, spiders - is one of these long-standing evidence-based protocols. The main effective ingredient is exposure, because you have to be exposed to the thing you fear in order to acclimate to your fear response and learn how to manage it. This is what “getting over it” truly looks like - we can’t always take away the fear response (sweating, heart pounding, fight-flight-freeze behaviors!), but we can learn to manage those things when they arise within us in the presence of fear.

So, the main question is, why wouldn’t someone undergo this kind of treatment and overcome their fears? BECAUSE FEAR IS SO POWERFUL! Lots of people - including myself at times - want to avoid feeling any of the feelings that come with fear. And, for me, its relatively easy to avoid by asking for help from The Hubs whenever I see a spider, or avoiding the garage, or never ever being in a dark and dirty place alone.

You can see how avoidance might start to get in the way of life, can’t you?

Thanks again for letting me divert with a bit of STEM:) I appreciate your patience.

The good news is that today’s prompt isn’t necessarily about something pathological or diagnosable for YOU. I took the diversion to my soapbox to illustrate a point, but YOUR fear or something to get over may not look the same at all. It might, in fact, take less time and effort than treatment for a phobia.

The key to today is to consider some WHYs:

- WHY do you choose to live with this fear?

- WHY have you not done anything about it before now?

- WHY are you avoiding confronting this fear?

WHY questions are inherently judgy, but that is not how I mean them. Please take care today to be generous and graceful toward yourself as you examine these. You likely have very good reasons why, and today is not meant to invalidate…simply to investigate.

Try to answer your WHY questions without judgment today, and see if they bring you any answers that get you moving.

This prompt feels very prescient, considering where I/we sit in late 2026.

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I don’t comment a lot on politics or society here and I try hard not to engage too much with current events. After all, the intent with this is to allow anyone to find it at any time and pursue their own journey, whether its now or somewhere in the future. So mentioning a current event or story in the news feels like it’s pulling for something that may not be relevant to others.

I’ve been writing this newsletter during some pretty difficult years in the US, as well as all over the world. Authority seems to be taking on a different presence than it had while I was growing up, or when I first wrote this prompt back in 2023. I imagine your answer to this question may have changed over the years…and that’s likely true even without all the political turmoil and violence in today’s environment.

Much like any other prompt in this self-reflection adventure, “authority” means to you something specific to you, informed by your background and your context.

I would argue that, in order to have true authority, one also has to have trust. Otherwise, you simply have power over something or someone else. Real authority should be endowed with grace, benevolence, and a willingness to teach or instruct.

So, considering this definition and your own social context…

• What does authority look like to you?

• How do you interact with it, or do you try not to?

• If you have it, how do you wield it with others?

• What kind of responsibility do you think it requires to have?

Whether you’re journaling in the morning and the evening, you can still engage with this prompt. Either set the intention for today (in the AM) or tomorrow (in the PM), and run with it.

Some people have asked, “What do you mean by intention?” Briefly,

• What would you like to focus on today?

• Is there a mantra or sentiment you’d like to carry with you today?

• Is there a spirit or energy you’d like to hold onto today? Maybe even share with others?

• Is there something you wish to create today, like a memory or a product, and what do you need to ensure you do this?

An intention can be any of these things. It’s good, helpful, even interesting to intentionally go about your day with a primary focus or thought or spirit. I would additionally suggest considering how to remind yourself of your intention, via a calendar or reminder prompt; a note written on your hand or carried in a pocket or even a picture of the note used as your phone lock screen; a piece of string tied around your wrist.

If you enjoy this activity for 24 hours, consider how to do it more often! I think you’ll learn a lot about yourself and your way of being intentional!

As we round the corner to the end of the year, there are always these countdowns or “best of” lists floating around. It’s a little early for these, but what the hell… I find these kinds of lists fun and a nice way to think back on the months that have preceded us.

So, what did you see or read this year that left an impact?

• How and what did it make you think?

• How did it increase your awareness of life and being around you?

• How did it enhance your enjoyment of the world? or your knowledge of it?

• What will you do with this knowledge or awareness?

If you can’t think of only one thing, try to come up with your top 5. Maybe even try to narrow this to top 3.

Right in the middle of the week - BAM - an epically big question!

The key to this one is really the energy, effort or time element. It’s important to gauge this about yourself so that you understand just how much energy, effort or time you are ALREADY putting into thinking or doing something with yourself.

Would the acceptance of you “right now” take all that much more? If yes, why are you not putting that into yourself? If not, what’s keeping you from acceptance now?

Whatever stands in your way, do you see a path through it that gets you closer to loving yourself as you are?

Today could be about celebrating your brilliance!

It could also be about considering HOW to embody or enact your brilliance!

Either way, I think it might be a good day for you. After all, you get to

• contemplate “your best”

• admit that it IS good (enough!)

• pat yourself on the back for even having an idea

• consider how to build it…or build off of it

Now, if you’re someone who can’t think of anything, I would suggest crowd sourcing. Ask a friend. Ask your bestie. Ask your parents or your siblings or your work colleagues. Review your social feeds for signs of sparkling brilliance.

If you’re someone who knows EXACTLY what your brilliance is right away… spend a lot of time considering how to make this brilliance reality.

The world needs good ideas, innovations, and people who ACCEPT that they have good ideas and innovations. Work on that today.

We’ve talked about aging before. We revisit it because it’s something we are all currently engaged in…whether we like it or not.

Personally, I’m surprised whenever I look back at how much more confident I am now than I was before. And I always act with a lot of confidence, I’ll tell you:) But I do wonder if that trend will continue, or if as my body ages, I will get less and less firm in my idea of my body and what it can do, and if that will translate into less confidence in my ideas and other mental exercises.

This is pretty heady stuff!

For you, aging might not be something you consider regularly, and so these prompts are jolting or disconcerting.

Then again, perhaps you’re somebody who’s very aware of daily changes in your body and mind and think about aging and change all the time.

Either way, be honest with yoursef today, and consider how you can prepare yourself for the inevitable.

I included this common prompt very specifically. You see, whenever anyone has asked me this question, I default to “Oh, I would keep working, definitely!” I really do love my profession and the work I do with clients and it would be very difficult for me to give that up for even a few hundred thousand dollars.

But for something like mega millions, I would consider it:)

I would suggest you think concretely about what the amount of money that is “more than comfortable” might be for you. This can help you determine what might change your day-to-day routine, especially if you find enjoyment or fulfillment in it.

Then, what are all the ways you could spend your money, energy and time if you didn’t worry about finances AND if you could afford to be ________ (insert whatever quality you choose)!

Some of you will start charities. Some of you will rob banks. As always, there is no judgment here - just consider how you’d spend your resources and enjoy life!

This prompt is really a two-parter (say this to yourself in a Boston accent, it’s fun! And also a nod to my favorite podcast sisters - IYKYK):

1. What is the advice?

2. Why do you want to pass it along/what makes it so valuable?

Whether or not you have children, how can you pass this wisdom along? Who do you think would benefit most from it?

(it’s ok if the answer is THE WORLD!)

If we’re talking about achievements all week, we may as well talk about that ultimate achievement we are all working toward here, in this book, for this year: self-understanding!

Some options for what may be holding you back could include

- not making time

- not putting in effort (if you’re still here, I kind of doubt that’s the linchpin, but you are the best judge of yourself and your effort)

- not accepting what you need in order to work on this fully

All the things we’ve been talking about this week.

But it could also be something else. Something idiosyncratic to you, your life, your environment, your situation, that I cannot even speculate what it might be.

Whatever stands in your way - if something stands in your way - can you spend some time today thinking of how to overcome it?

Ok, so this is kind of a loaded question. Let me explain.

- I’m NOT asking you to parrot the partner, colleague, boss or parent who told you that you do NOT work hard enough or focus or really try to achieve. Those messages are bullshit!
- I’m also NOT asking you to be down on yourself or harshly criticize why you haven’t achieved, won or owned this thing you’re considering today.

These lines of thought are unhelpful and critical. That’s not what today - or this whole year - is about.

What I AM asking you today is about that one goal or idea that you KNOW you’re not putting your all in, and if you could…

- find the time

- find the energy

- not do other things that always seem to take priority

…you could really excel.

This is more about what you wish you made time for more regularly or diligently.

So…what is that thing that you KNOW you would be great at if your life was just a little bit different and you have more of whatever you needed to focus on being great?

Do you have the space in your life - or will you, at some point - to create that environment where you prove yourself right?

A year from now you may wish you had started today. – Karen Lamb

This is one of those questions that I ask all my clients to help them consider their priorities and self-care routines, AND that I ask my friends, colleagues, and pod guests to get their tips and tricks.

What I have learned from others and from studying habit change over the years is that scheduling is an essential skill. Setting aside the time to work toward your goals, to exercise, to spend time with friends, even to spent quiet time with yourself, is a the key. Logistically, this looks like putting the time on the calendar. Maybe it also looks like sharing that calendar with others to let them know you’re not available or even to ask for some support in keeping this time sacred.

But there’s another aspect to making time that is additionally important: the emotional piece. First, you have to admit and accept what your priorities are. Second, you have to commit to giving them the time they need.

If you naturally give time to your priorities, you may not even realize both pieces of this equation. Good for you - you are talented in a way you may/may not give yourself credit for!

If you struggle to make time for the important things in your life, one of these aspects might be the answer to making things easier for you.

Sit with this one today, examine yourself and your process of making time, and celebrate your skill or decide what you want to work on.

Today is your day to talk big and celebrate yourself.

• What HAVE you achieved?

• What made it big?

• What are you proudest of in this pursuit?

• Who helped you along the way?

• Who doubted you or tried to make you doubt yourself?

• What was the biggest obstacle in your path?

• How did this achievement change the way you view yourself?

• How did this achievement change the way you view goals and success?

If you struggle to name your “greatest” achievement, start with the last thing you achieved or succeeded at, and answer these questions based on that.

If you end up spending the day considering your victories, trying to decide which one was the “greatest”, that’s not a bad way to spend a day!

I think I’ve mentioned this before here, but I was talking about my professional life on my podcast and said out loud - surprising everyone including me - that I’d reached all the professional goals I’d originally set for myself. When that happened, I decided to set some new ones, but there was a sense of absolute glee when I realized what I was saying was true.

That doesn’t mean I’ve reached ALL my goals - ha!! Not even close. The one I was thinking of when I wrote this prompt is achieving my 6 Stars, or running all 6 World Marathon Majors.

I’ve been working on this one for a long time…so long that they’ve added a 7th race to the challenge! They still support people going for the original 6, but that makes me sad in a way. But what can really devastate me, if I admit to it, is that I’m getting older and this goal keeps getting harder. This year, as I ran a marathon just days after my 47th birthday, I still believe I can achieve this goal…but doubt is creeping about how to physically do it.

For you, are you the person to even set big goals like this? Goals that, if you don’t reach them, will disappoint or sadden you? We’ve talked about goal setting before, but you might be revisiting this topic with skepticism or wariness…or even the thought, “This is exactly why I don’t set goals!”.

Fair point…but I would encourage you to set at least one big goal for your adult life anyway. Why? Because of what I put in the first paragraph: that giddy feeling you get from actually achieving one/more big goals.

And let’s face it, we could all use more giddiness in our lives these days!

The truth is, we get used to a regular schedule of achievement very early, when we are in school. Whether you were “good” at school or not, the regular rhythm of assignment-achievement sets a routine in our lives that we can miss as we get out into the adult world and things get way less structured.

But you might still be skeptical, because if you don’t set goals, then you avoid the sadness I reference in the prompt…right??

Maybe. But life is supposed to be a series of ups and downs - peaks and valleys - and working toward something you don’t achieve is still good work. Sadness is a natural part of life that sometimes we set ourselves up to feel. That’s ok. It means that the goal and the pursuit really meant something to us.

I’m bad at breaking up with people. Whether its an intimate relationship or a friendship, I tend to hang on too long when it goes south, hoping that things will change. I think this says something about my hope in people; the kind of something that keeps me going in my work as well as personal life.

That being said, I have a sense of the ending. It starts in my stomach, and creeps up into my head, and then I get all analytically observational about everything. Mine is a very internal process.

How about you? When was the last time you broke up with a friend or a partner? Did you see it coming? Did you sense it coming in some other way? Once you had the feeling, did you take action right away or allow the other person to end it?

Understanding how we end things can give us clues about the meaning we assign to relationships - in general and specifically with people. I hope you discover something interesting about meaning and relationships today.

I love to eat. I wish I loved in less, but I can’t help it. I come from a culture where food is an expression of love. I come from a society where food is abundant. I’ve already admitted here that I’m addicted to sugar:) If food held a less important place in my life, I could be a very different person.

I’ve decided over the years that I don’t wish to be. I still work to not overindulge, and thankfully my habits are not bad, per se, so this small effort is not too difficult.

For you, what do you wish were true about your eating habits? What do you do that you wish you didn’t have to in order to eat “well” or according to your desires?

Is there anything you could possibly do about any of this? If not, that’s ok! But if there’s something to try, how could you attempt it this week?