Last week, my young cousin gets in touch with me to say she is in New York City with her husband and her nine-month-old son. Could we get together to meet as I’ve not yet met baby Leo? She is looking for stuff to do while her husband is in business meetings at his conference.

What to do with a nine-month-old? Central Park Zoo!

We meet at Columbus Circle at the entrance to the Park to stroll across to the Zoo. There’s a pit stop at the Carousel for a spin.

The kid didn’t know what hit him. As ever it’s always enjoyable. Maybe more for us than him. He didn’t seem to mind.

Next stop. Central Park Zoo. When we enter, we choose the Tropic Zone with all the birds. So exotic and colorful they are. Leo stares at these strange creatures. I try to imagine what on earth was going on in his brain.

Now, Penguins. Leo tries to get at them by eating the glass between us and the swimming, diving, adorable creatures.

After the bears, and the sea lions it was time to hit the Petting Zoo. It was here he hit his stride. He can touch the animals!

I suppose it is at this moment that I should reveal to you that I talk to everybody. I mean everyone. While Leo tries to cuddle the lambs, I am in conversation with a family from Bueno Aires. The dad gave us coins to dispense food to feed the sheep, which ensures that they come right up to Leo’s face exactly where he’d like them to be.

From the sheep, we move to the goat’s pen. Here there are all sizes and shapes including two babies. They too were happy to nuzzle Leo at the fence. His face is priceless. Big smiles and full on belly laughs.

I spy a young man standing among the goats and ask if he takes care of them? Yes, he does. I mention that Fall is a good time to come to the Zoo because in the Summer it is very crowded. He let us know that he is fairly new here.

“Do you rotate to the other animals throughout the Zoo?” “No, just the goats”. Did you major in Zoology in university? No, biology.

Where are you from? Hawaii. What island? Maui. Wow and you ended up in New York City?

After university in California he travelled to Asia before coming here. Where do you live here? UWS.

How do you like this here in the goat pen? I like it. A lot. As he holds a kid - baby goat and cuddles it.

What’s not to love? I say.

Do they have names? Yes, they do.

We are introduced to the goats and learn about their relationships with one another. Some mothers, daughters, sons, siblings. The father goat resides at the Bronx Zoo.

His name is Hayden - the goat keeper. I tell him we are Martha, Annie and Leo.

He couldn’t be happier in his work. I am delighted for him. And a little bit jealous. Ok. A lot jealous. I mean, what’s not to love?

I desire simplicity. Nature. Here is one very satisfied young man loving his role as goat keeper. In my book – a life worth living.

Bye, Hayden! Thank you. He flashes the most gorgeous smile. It’s a good thing to talk to people. I’m not nosey. I’m interested. It makes life full of possibility.

And, just maybe this is the Greatest Of All Times.

My friend Dani from Brooklyn emailed me an invite to her son’s best friend Forest’s event called a Doundounba being held in Harlem. It’s a festival of djembe drums playing with other drums and instrumental accompaniment. Oh, yes, and dancing. The drummers came from DC, Philly and NYC.

What Dani didn’t know is that I study Djembe drumming. I have been training online since May 2020 with Rhythm Bliss.

I took the train Uptown early to arrive at the event. I was waiting for Dani to arrive plus two other friends who I invited to join me there.

I’m perched upon a bench, when Forest comes up to me to say, “Hi. I’m Forest.” I say that I’m Dani’s friend and he calls her son over. Xavi and I’d had met before years earlier. I mention I play djembe and Forest says “You should join us.” I hadn’t brought my drum with me.

I am shy about joining with such accomplished drummers. I thoroughly enjoyed the afternoon listening and observing. The deal is that I could have joined in. I do know enough to have held the rhythm down. To hold the groove down. Lesson learned.

Hours later, Dani and I are getting ready to take the same train Downtown.

I stepped over to Forest to say goodbye. He, at 21 years old, arranged an incredible event. His first one.

He reaches me with a hug and says, “It’s Martha, isn’t it?”

Extraordinary. He met me hours earlier in the midst of welcoming players and people alike. I return the hug and congratulate him and his efforts. He say’s “Next time, bring your djembe.” I replied that I was shy about playing and that I now know I could have held my own. He tells me he understands.

Turning to Dani I say, “Now there is a special being. He remembered my name.”

Beautiful. Connection.

Now, that’s how it’s done.

I met Jon in an Embodied Presence intensive in downtown Manhattan many years ago and we stayed in touch.

He trained as an actor and also found work as a world class puppeteer. In fact, Jon, was one of the puppeteers inside the puppet horse of the Broadway acclaimed play War Horse touring with the show around the world. It’s during his travels that he trained and worked with some of the most esteemed puppet companies in the world. This gave him the skills to know the ropes.

At that time, social media would tell me where in the world Jon was.

In fact, years back, Jon and I worked together to offer a workshop in New York City called Collaboration Masterclass which offered practices for teams to learn how to best work in concert while using Bunraku style puppets as a metaphor.

Several years ago, Jon invited me to a performance with an ensemble of puppeteers in a show called Fly Away by Derek Fordjour*. It was a stunning and unforgettable show.

After the performance, I met Jon at the stage door and he excitedly spills to me that during a crucial moment in the show the knob came off the butt of the puppet. In Bunraku puppetry, there are several puppeteers that each take the puppet’s limbs to manipulate it. Jon’s role was to move a particular limb and the torso in concert with three other puppeteers for this Bunraku style puppet. I found it astounding how they are able to completely work together to have the puppet live and breathe as if it were a real live person.

In a moment when Jon was deftly manipulating the torso of the puppet, suddenly the knob popped off the butt. Oh, horrors!

What do you do when the knob comes off the butt?

We work assiduously to become skillful at our work. So that when the knob comes off the butt in a split millisecond, we know how to jump into action. Our training and our preparation affords us the capacity to know exactly what to do in those unfortunate moments.

Never for once did I detect any irregularity from my seat in the audience.

Mastery is about learning to be nimble at the craft of our work. And how to recover when misfortune strikes. Our training, accumulated experience and groundwork prepares us for those disastrous moments when the knob comes off the butt. We know how to act, what to do, even in the face of massive uncertainty.

The Energy of Presence is a one-session, online live class, to receive the principles and practice to stay present and composed even when the plan falls apart.

Click here for more information.

*Derek Fordjour

(See https://presence-impact.com/?p=4988&preview=true)

Jon trained and performed internationally with the finest puppet companies in the world. He was cast in the touring show of War Horse as one of three puppeteers inside the war horse puppet. (https://www.warhorseonstage.com/)

He told me about this time when a new cast member joined the team to work inside the War Horse puppet.

The new player was determined to not work in concert as a team with the other two. He would to do it his way.

Jon recounted that after each performance, he and the other veteran puppeteer found themselves in terrible pain and were physically exhausted to the point of passing out. They could barely stand up. It became extremely challenging and even agonizing because this new addition refused to be a team player.

What happens on your teams when there is a breakdown?

What is it costing the team and the company?

Working in perfect concert creates joy, productivity, and a sense of achievement - and even magic.

When there is someone who works against the grain, it can create friction, burnout, attrition or worse. Leaders, when you are “casting” for the role - be certain it is someone who will work as a team player. No Divas!

There is no “I” in team.

(Jon and I created a Collaboration Masterclass using Bunraku puppets built by the participants to learn how to work in concert as a team.)

A global bank, set in New York City – their Research Client Management team was struggling. Brought in to work with them on their communication, I detected a lack of commitment. They seemed unfocused. It felt there was something or someone impeding the progress of those in the room. Things felt stilted.

On the second day of the program, their boss came in and I asked him to speak about his approach to their development. He was magnificent. He had all the greatest intentions. Better yet, he modeled a way of being, communicating and connecting at the highest of standards. I was in awe of him.

What was frustrating is that he was the perfect example of what they needed to become to excel and they could not recognize this at all. All they needed to do was do what he was doing. Interesting that this never occurred to them.

After his prompting and my emphasizing certain skills, they were given an opportunity to try out another approach. For many of them the needle had moved positively. They felt great with their accomplishments. For a few, they dug in and held to their mediocrity, and it showed. Not being a team player or dedicated to your excellence is not a good look.

There are clear signs out there. There are people who are the standard bearers and the gold standard of being. Watch and learn. They are perfect examples for us to follow. Attention must be paid.

Follow the leader – if the leader exudes excellence.

Photo credit: Xavier von Erlach for Unsplash

Once upon a time… isn’t that how every story should begin?

I was contracted to work with emerging leaders from the Global Markets group of a global bank in New York City.

Presenting with Impact was revelatory to the participants as it put in the center of it to best understand your audience, build rapport with them and allow your delivery to develop an ongoing relationship. It was the start of gaining trust.

During this one program, as with all of them, each person was to deliver a communication they typically give on their desk. Many of them were all over the place, lacking sense and clarity.

One young woman got up where she was well-organized and went through her presentation using best practices of how to structure your thoughts and ideas for maximum clarity.

She was praised for her effort. However, when I added some other feedback to make it even more effective, she became angry, surly even.

Hiding behind a well-constructed technique is not enough. Taking it and making it a vehicle to connect with the real needs of your audience is where you want to head to. That meant connecting more. Softening and becoming more vulnerable. It meant taking a pause to see those she is speaking to. She didn’t want to hear it.

In her mind, she was perfect. Her perfectionism blocked her from becoming truly great.

Remember that something is worth sharing when you have the heart for it and so do your audience. Be organized. Be clear. Be present. Be connected.

Becoming a great leader holds the responsibility of being able to give and receive feedback.

Reach out if you’d like to know more about a program that can guide this feedback process called Lead by Empowering Others.

Photo credit: Blackcurrant Great at Pexels

I was training a leadership team in Lisbon, Portugal, the European headquarters for a US-based company in two programs - fundamentals followed by an advanced leadership communication session. Some people were in one or both sessions.

The first session had a mixed group of levels. Local managers were disconcerted that I am an English-speaking American and the training would not be delivered in Portuguese. Difficult because the participants were from all over the continent.

The conference room was deemed substandard to what I was used to. There was a narrow U-Shape configuration, and it was much too crowded around these tables.

I had no space between me and the participants to my left and my right. People filed in and chose their place at the tables. At the last minute, one gentleman swept in to sit on my left.

He appeared to be dressed more casually than the other executives. Maybe a bit disheveled. He was missing teeth. I welcomed him.

After introducing the program with an agenda and objective, it is followed by each person introducing their self, their location, their role and what they’d like to take away from our time together.

We started to my right and went around the table in order.

My compatriot to my left was spontaneously shouting out swear words. Tourette’s. The other participants were extremely anxious for me worried that I would be thrown off and upset. I was not.

As we listened to everyone while the swear words were continuously shouted out, I chose not to react. People were gazing at me with apology in their eyes. There was no need.

When we got to this man’s turn to speak, he was in full control. Astonishingly he was the most focused and eloquent person in the room. He had a passion for his team and his clients. There was this aura – this remarkable grace about him. A kindness.

When it came to his role-play, he stood head and shoulders above the others being well-prepared, objective-driven and highly sensitive to the audience’s needs. He stood out. Not because of his vocal tics and motor disorder. But because of his high sensitivity and impeccable skills. The feedback was favorable.

I’ve been doing this for a very long time and have observed many leaders’ communication. He was one of the best of the best.

You couldn’t help but fall in love with him. The whole room felt it. His gentleness and his strength.

I will never forget how incredibly adept he was at presenting, connecting, relating and communicating during his role-plays. It warmed my heart to see him shine in the most spectacular of ways.

Lesson learned: Never, ever judge a book by its cover.

Photo credit: Tomas Robertson for Unsplash

(Thank you, Belinda Mello for this)

“You walk into the spot in the room with a chair in it. No set, no props — just a bare spot on the floor, empty and waiting. It doesn’t look like anywhere yet.

Then you begin.

The space transforms.

Not the chair or the lights — you.

You’re the one who makes the air feel different.

Now it’s a place where you need something. You’re there to set things straight with someone who’s got it wrong — or just never knew until now. And somewhere in finding that, you catch yourself thinking: just like me.

A real moment, made between you and us; the silent people in that room with you.

Not performed at us — shared with us.

In just three minutes.

What if every audition could feel like this?

An offering, a transformation, an expression of something within yourself? Not a test.”

Shared from: Belinda Mello, Alexander Technique Practitioner and Teacher at AT Motion; bmellow@AlexTechMotion.com; https://www.alextechmotion.com/

There was this time when I was hungry to train – in theatre, performance, improvisation, movement, voice, gesture – the weirder the better. Maybe what some people say is experimental.

For instance, ask me about the spiritual Mask work I immersed myself in. Trippy. Freeing. And a complete roto-rooter of the false laying deep within.

Now, I was ready for Clown. Why not? Could be fun. Right?

I sought out a preeminent teacher who was offering a Summer workshop at Julliard.

Have you ever found that you are in the midst of something and you are completely in the dark and have no way to see yourself out? Here I am. Not so much fun to be in a bit of a personal hell. I simply was not getting it. Worse is that I didn’t even know what it is I’m not getting. Lost in these woods without a compass or a map.

I have this core value that you finish something you start. Even if it kills you. I showed up every day for this week long intensive. It wasn’t worth me watching what other people were doing. I still didn’t get it. “Don’t be abstract!” was a piece of feedback from the teacher. I didn’t even know what that meant.

And now, here we are on the final day, the final hour, and we are given a task to do in front of everyone. Bloody hell! Still lost!

The room is an immense, empty rectangle. All the students sat on the floor bunched along one of the long walls. We were to simply go up the center line to the upper left-hand corner of the room, traverse along the back wall to the center, stop, turn and come forward to the audience.

My turn.

I hit the first mark - standing in the corner when the teacher walks up the final path turns left and he makes his way toward me. He had a real swagger, a fully grounded confidence – but not arrogance. I really liked his shoes.

He looks me in the eye and says, “You. Don’t Eff this Up.” And walks back to the audience the same way he came. I couldn’t even Eff this up because I still didn’t understand with the THIS was.

So, I head across the back wall to the center at a pretty good clip. But as I’m about to hit that mark to make the turn, I trip over a metal trash can. Huh? What? Where did that come from? I hadn’t noticed it in this empty room save for the bodies of my fellow “clowns”.

As I run into this metal trash can in my path, I tripped. Pissed me off! Where did this come from??? Why hadn’t I not seen this?

Next, what came over me, I don’t know. I proceeded to kick the living shit out of this can all the way down the line toward the people. I was fully invested in destroying this can.

The crowd erupted. The teacher hugged me. I had no idea what for.

But, boy did it feel good to take out my frustration out on that can.

I left there vowing to never try Clown classes again.

And, then… a couple years later I’m invited to this training given by my daughter and her friends. I agree to go. I show up to a space in DUMBO, Brooklyn only to find out that it’s a night of Clown training. Sigh.

This time, I learned about the Clown. And it made sense.

Here is what I got.

To a Clown - Everything is high stakes!

1. Walk like you are a genius.

2. Walk to a point in the room. Stop. Look around.

3. Points. “What’s that?”

4. Sees something.

5. Goes to it.

6. Looks up. “I don’t know.”

7. Heighten. “I know!”

8. Heighten. “No, I don’t.”

9. Color with one emotion: “I don’t know anything.”

Walk in as your most excellent self

a. Lead with feet

b. Lead with knees

c. Lead with tummy/hips

d. Lead with shoulders

e. Lead with your head

Run in

Greet Audience as the most excellent greeter

a. Greet them non-verbally

b. Simpler

c. Bow

d. Walk away – Then, turn and look

Only give

Don’t look for anything.

The pleasure is for them not for you.

NOW, I get it.

I recall a story I once heard about when President Harry Truman was handing the reins over to President Dwight Eisenhower. Truman urged the newly elected President to keep his chief of staff onboard. He sang this individual’s praises to the incoming President.

It was decided. The Chief of Staff would stay in the role. Soon after, this chief began to notice that his interactions with Eisenhower were fraught with tension. The new President didn’t seem satisfied with his previously lauded work.

Then, a trusted colleague said to the chief, is Eisenhower a reader or a listener? Turned out that Truman was a listener. Everything was told to him and he absorbed it. The rapport and trust was high.

On the other hand, Eisenhower - he was a reader. He preferred to receive his information in writing. He could best understand and absorb it that way.

When communicating and interacting with your beloved stakeholders, understand what is their preference for giving and receiving information. This way a good relationship is forged and maintained.

Clients of mine have been told by their managers that if you cannot get your voice heard at the other end of the table, you won’t go further here.

One client had to speak weekly in a team meeting. The room was long with a just as long conference table. Her voice did not reach very far down the table. When you are inaudible, you render others inaudible around you.

Some people don’t have the psychic energy to struggle to be able to hear you, so they discount your contribution.

I.

Is it that some people are Introverts, and they worry that they come across as pretending to be someone they are not?

Me: Yes, I can see that as a possibility. This is when it’s good to work with someone on your voice. They can try out new and different things to arrive at which works best and within the range of authenticity for them.

What is a person to do?

Me: “Audibility is only possible if the Voice is released from the body and mouth with the right amount of breath for the space, idea and feeling.” – to quote my teacher Patsy Rodenburg.

Try This!

Hold your hand – palm facing your mouth about three inches apart from it.

Take a breath from low in your belly and exhale to feel the breath on your hand. Then take a breath and speak a “huh”.

Take a sentence from your business and speak to the hand using your breath. Feel no tension in your throat. Relax it.

Now, place your hand out about 15 inches from your mouth – palm still facing it – Take a breath from down low and on the exhale feel the breath lightly on your hand (don’t force it). Now breathe and use a spoken HUH. Have the HUH reach the hand.

Now speak the sentence reaching the hand using your breath.

Reach your arm and hand out palm face up pointing to a spot further out in the room you are in. Breathe to it; speak the huh, then your sentence.

“Remember – the bigger the thought, feeling or space, the bigger the breath.” Patsy Rodenburg, The Right to Speak.

This takes practice.

II.

Vocal Virtuosity

Our vocal presence has the power to connect to our audience and to create deeper meaning or change.

How do you create the meaning of your thoughts with your voice?

Me: There is fluctuation, variety, emphasis, pause and a whole lot more.

Try This!

Speak a typical sentence you use in your work.

Now, speak something that you are passionate about as if to a friend. Express your excitement, urgency, emotion, enthusiasm, etc.

Now, apply that same energy to the sentence you speak in business – make it fit to the meaning. No need to go over the top. Apply the vocal virtuosity to this and see what happens.

Have a friend or trusted colleague listen and let you know what works well for you.

III.

Why Resonance?

Martha, you speak a lot about resonance. Tell me more.

Me: A resonant voice is free, open and pleasant to listen to. People invite it in. They want to hear more.

Why might some speakers have a ‘tiny’ voice - a voice that seems to be very much at the top of the chest and appears to ‘shrink’ when they get up to present?

How do you fix it?

It’s from Tension. As a speaker we must relax but usually cannot relax enough.

The remedy is training and practice which gradually brings about sufficient confidence and, in its wake, enough relaxation.

Try This! Something to help you free your voice from tension.

First, soften your jaw, loosen your tongue, relax your throat, take a deep breath (from down low).

Now, HUM. Hum high into your head, Hum low into your chest. Place your palms alongside your nose and HUM.

Place them on your lips, then cheekbones, jawbone, neck/throat. Play with it.

Now on the lips, hum and then take a breath, hum and speak “How do you like my new voice?”

This takes practice and play!

So many more practices with Voice coaching are available.

Years back, I had the privilege of working with leaders of a global brand strategy company in the Netherlands and in Lisbon on their communication mastery as it related to them building business through creating better relationships with their clients.

When in Portugal, my clients encouraged me to bring home bottles of their amazing wine and olive oil. One of them, before going to dinner in Lisbon one night, offered to accompany me to a shop to select my purchases. And thank goodness she was fluent in Portuguese, as I am not.

We went to the El Corte Ingles department store (think Harrods) where they have an incredible Food Hall. After making our way to their extensive wine department, I needed help. Being that I could carry only two bottles home with me, I wanted to choose wisely. A red and their celebrated Vinho Verde white.

I proceeded to ask a woman in the department for her help. I was stunned. Mesmerized. She launched into her recommendations directing us from shelf to shelf, case to case. Here was an Expert! Although she was speaking in Portuguese, I instantaneously knew her to be the Expert. How?

• Her stance was tall and grounded

• Her posture open

• Her facial expressions bright and certain

• Her gestures emphatic

• Her voice filled with passion and with an unquestionable conviction

• She spoke with the pace of complete assuredness

• She spoke in the affirmative

• Her knowledge was unstoppable.

• She was direct

“Now, here is the absolute embodiment of an expert!”, I said to my client colleague. It was the perfect example. I only wish that I could have video recorded it.

It was undeniable. It didn’t have to be in my language for me to comprehend that here is an Expert. This was unforgettable.

Let’s keep this in mind when we speak about our business because we are completely passionate and knowledgeable about it.

Own that you are the expert. My clients know that I am famous for saying: “If we don’t show it, they don’t know it.”

I left the shop loaded down with a great choice of wines, four bottles of olive oil and some sheep’s cheese. Great. Now how will I ever get this all in my suitcase?

In the Summer of 2014, I read an article in The New York Times about Aboubakar Fofana, an artist from France & Mali (West Africa), who revives the ancient dyeing technique using the indigo plant to produce modern textiles. The green indigo plant dyes a deep, rich blue. The article mentioned that his work was on display at the Atelier Courbet in downtown Manhattan through August 2014.

I take the train downtown to the gallery to witness his craft. The partner in the gallery asked if we wanted to know more about Fofana’s process. I was curious. She spoke fluently of his stories and of the origins of his incredible work. We began to speak about the purity of everything he creates.

She adds: “Today, so many people are much less interested in buying labels. They are much more concerned about the Provenance (such an elegant word) of things - the origins, the genesis, where it comes from, and how its’ made, is it local or is it pure, organic and good for the world.

The provenance of Fofana’s process:

“Fofana is committed to the revitalization of the pure indigo and mud-dyeing savoir-faire, along with maintaining other West African traditional textile techniques and materials, such as the organic Malian cotton, which he most favors. He is at the forefront of a revival of West African cottage industry crafts. Fofana’s work is unique in the respect that he is able to translate between two cultures, West African and Western, using the traditional techniques and materials of West Africa to produce pieces that transcend their origins whilst still speaking their African heritage.”

“The indigo master is equally committed to the use of chemical-free techniques at every step of fabrication from the raw material of the textile to the dyeing processes in his atelier. With equal commitment to the preservation of the eco-system at the core of his work, Aboubakar uses the spent dyestuffs to fertilize crops. He scours the world for fine textile that are 100% handmade and organic with a preference for cotton, indigenous to Mali that is first spun by hand before being woven on a strip-loom and sewn together in the traditional way.”

He learned his craft from his grandmother in Mali who was a healer. She used indigo as plant medicine to heal. He knew he could create with it as a dye plant. Quite the provenance.

________________

It gets me to thinking,

Isn’t this so when we are forming relationships?

Don’t we want to know the provenance - the source of each other? Where we come from? Where and how are our values are made? Are we good for the world?

I have a client’s company who was merging with a Chinese company and there is an interest in how to meet and build relationship with one another.

I reached out to a friend of Chinese descent and this was his advice:

“Well, you actually raised a very interesting question, and also a difficult one. As a Chinese, I would say some Chinese can be difficult to read and communicate as every one comes from such different backgrounds.

The key to communicate with people who are Chinese is to do some small prep talks: to get to know where they are from, what kind of family they come from, what kind of education they have, and what they have been through, and what level they are in the organization (as it is still a very hierarchical society). You will find out that some people are very easy to approach, very personal, open and direct. Some of them are completely the opposite. At least that is my way of getting to know my own people.”

It’s about the provenance of things and of people.
The next time you need to build Rapport, instead of asking a new person you meet, “what do you do?”, ask “where are you from?” There is so much more to be learned from that.

I collect instances

The meaning of REVERBERATE is reflect

1. To resound in a succession of echoes; reecho

2. To have a prolonged or continuing effect.

I have an acquaintance through my work. We met by way of a client of mine. He lives and works in Tokyo. In this stage of his life, he’s begun to take up the cello. OK. I know, you don’t just “take up” the cello. It’s a beautiful instrument. You learn to play it and join in its charm. J’adore le cello.

We were corresponding, checking in, and I asked him how his cello lessons were going. He recounted that recently he performed in his second presentation. Three and a half minutes of holiday songs.

His words were that he could feel the reverberation and the resonating vibration between all the cellos playing together. It gave me chills to imagine that moment of grace. For me, this is ensemble. I ponder how to carry this with us in our lives and our work.

I found something similar when I was training in Improvisation. I had felt these same moments of grace.

Immersing myself in this practice I discovered that the foundational principles of “A focus on the other person and the task at hand” could take me to a place of reverberation, of resonance, of relating through this connection.

In this practice, it is achieved by play and spontaneity. It takes you out of your head, into the space, working together in concert with the others. It’s the ultimate way of being present and fully being yourself.

Resonance is when you give special meaning to someone. In this practice, the game of Mirror has you and your partner reflect each other’s movement. There is a reverberation in this connection. In this era of technology that serves to separate us, how else are we to learn the skills of building relationship and rapport? I’ve seen this take place beautifully in workshops time and time again.

What would great success look like today but to find connection to our teammates, our clients or our families?

For well over a decade, I have offered Improvisation workshops for business executives, new to the workplace and university students in New York City. The results are remarkable. If you have an interest in learning more about Improvisation sessions, please reach out to me. The workshops are fun and the learning is exponential.

What you might say is that “I want my field presence back.” A CEO client of mine was not physically comfortable in his new role. He wanted to be able to project his leadership presence. He felt he was falling short.

When I asked him, “Where are you at your best?” He replied that he remembers being on the field or the court and experiencing that he could know what was going on around him 360° at all times.

Being present with everything that was happening all around him; it’s what made him an excellent athlete. He loved that feeling.

He was also at his best when he worked closely with his clients, helping to solve their problems. His new role did not afford him this opportunity.

“Well, why not return to those feelings? Embody them. Bring this to your interactions now?”

~

I recall as a child when I was leading my “pack” of comrades, marching down a path deep into the woods, I was out front leading them on one of our many adventures. I felt indomitable. I liked that feeling then. I call on it when I need to.

~

While bodysurfing at the shore, we’d swim way out to the wave break. The guys would scowl and roll their eyes at me and my daughter. Whatever.

And we never used swimfins.

Watching. Wait for it. Wait for it. Knowing which wave to take is an artform.

The skill to learn is that you don’t “take” a wave; you simply become like that wave and let it take you.

My girl and I would be atop the crest of the wave and swept on a ride clear to the beach’s edge. Exhilarating. No better feeling.

And it’s a little bit satisfying when spying the mouths of the dudes gaping and agog. We’d high five and shout, “Dusted!”

Instead of getting into your head about being authentic, why not recall those moments when you were at your best. Take that feeling with you.

Projecting positivity, clarity, presence and your own brand of mastery most likely will come across as authentic. Try it. Experiment.

Remember ~

“And the swell of that wave can only take you if you’re already swimming.” JH

Image by Michael Olsen for Unsplash

Vancouver Winter Olympics, 2010. The world watched the Alpine Skiing Downhill events with a combination of excited anticipation and grave concern. Never before in history had the weather conditions been as extreme, unpredictable or dangerous.

All of the athletes were equally positioned for a win, having worked tirelessly for years to achieve Olympic status. Each had received extraordinary technical training and had extensive experience.

Why then did some skiers finish the course, and even win medals, while others were relegated to a DNF (Did Not Finish) status—many of them crashing and burning on the mountainside?

Alpine skiing is as basic as a sport can be. Best time wins. No side-by-side competition. No judges. No style points. And, yet, it is a death-defying test. With its bone rattling top-speed turns and treacherous terrain, athletes must successfully navigate chutes through rock formations, twisting channels through forests, and launching ramps off mountainsides. They are expertly trained for this.

Add to that, the unpredictable—the adverse and potentially life-threatening weather and ski conditions that wreak havoc on the courses, and reduce a well-trained and prepared athlete to the sum of his instincts.

In the current economic climate, everyone faces similar challenges.

The conditions are extreme and totally unpredictable.

The pressure is on and the stakes are impossibly high.

You, like the Olympic athlete, are in the International spotlight, with extraordinary stress on the outcome of your performance.

And, you only get one shot at the Gold.

The big question: How do Gold Medal Champions prepare for the challenge?

What do they do that is different or extra in order to triumph under the most extreme circumstances?

Without a doubt, having the right coaching, training, and preparation is key. Your “pre-race” routines can make the difference between a highly inspired presentation and one that falls face down in the snow.

Addressing your stakeholders and having the ultimate skill to communicate your vision and intention with the greatest impact is your “Gold Medal” event. The pressure is on, the stakes are high, and the terrain can be dangerous and unstable.

Now is the time avail yourself of the right “pre-race” routines with the Presence and Impact approach.

Using my deep experience in business communication and in theatre and performance, I’ll get you ready for the big win.

I’ll work with you in rehearsals to ensure you stay focused, helping you eliminate distractions and maintain energy for the race.

The outcome:

You will cross the finish line having delivered an outstanding performance communicated with power and passion.

Remember:

“You can map out a fight plan or a life plan.

But when the action starts, you’re down to your reflexes. That’s where your roadwork shows.

If you cheated on that in the dark hours of the morning, you’re getting found out now under the bright lights.” - Smokin’ Joe Frazier

Be memorable. Master the art of building relationships by using Woo.

Woo is the ability to strike up rapport quickly and easily with another person. How best to do that? Put your full attention on them. Talk about them. Not you.

This is a great differentiator, because let’s face it – there may not be much difference in your firm’s capabilities to your competitors. Unbreakable relationships are built on connection and trust.

Years back, I met with a managing director for leadership development at a Big Four firm, and his greatest concern was that their Partners were not adequately generating new business. Revenue flow was an issue and their leaders weren’t creating new business opportunities for the firm.

He highly suspected the problem was partners were meeting with potential client’s senior leadership and they only talked about themselves.

“I am. I have. We are. We do. We have.” Blah, blah, blah.

He called it “showing up and throwing up.” Quite graphic.

The always much needed rapport begins with you putting your attention fully on them. The client wants to hear about them. Not about you!

For this same firm, I was engaged to help a pursuit team get ready for a significant pitch to a potential new client. The competition was fierce for this strategic business.

Joining me in the pursuit effort was one of the firm’s top leaders. Brought in at the eleventh hour, we observed what they had cobbled together thus far for their one day rehearsal. (not sufficient) This team ignored best practices for the amount of preparation need to go into devising a winning pitch.

This top leader, she was furious. So much resources and cost were given to this pursuit and we discovered that the lead partner had absolutely no relationship with the decision makers of the target company. What a disaster.

Rule of thumb: Know your client. Don’t pitch to strangers.

Simply trotting out a bunch of senior people and experts to talk about themselves was not going to cut it. It was disheartening to watch this team of partners and leaders spout off on all their greatest credentials and achievements.

Who cares?

It bears repeating: The client wants to hear about them. Not you!

Winning people over using Woo - it’s art, not science.

Being that this was the eleventh hour with no prior relationship built, I don’t need to tell you that they did not win the business. No chance.

Here’s another unfortunate pitch team story I heard from a repentant leader. Previously, his start up went into their pitch where they did absolutely no homework or discovery about who the client’s decision making team was. They were pitching blind. This flies in the face of all wisdom and best practices.

The client arrived at the start up’s headquarters and their team was made up entirely of women. The start up’s pitch team was entirely made up of all men. Panicking the CEO asks his executive assistant to join the team and she is completely in the dark. Not a good move. Their hubris was brought down

Preparation is everything. Prepare to connect. Prepare to build rapport and relationship. This first and all important move is critical in the pursuit of clients… and potential partners. Where’s your Woo?

Foundations of Leadership Communication offers preparation and how to build rapport with diverse audiences and so much more.

After coaching the members of this senior level leader’s team, suddenly she had taken on a senior role in a new firm, and her first act was to address their entire team at their annual event (2000+). I was not aware that she was terrified of public speaking. We got to work.

First, we craft her content finding a story using the hero’s journey as a structure perfect to her theme. Then it was time to get her ready for the big stage.

Using Presence + Impact principles, she was able to conquer her fear, to stay present, strong, remain comfortable in her skin and come across as fully authentic. It was a hit.

I predicted that she’d call me following her presentation to tell me how much fun it was, and she’d want to do it again. The look on her face! She said I was nuts. Guess what? She called elated.

Best of all the audience felt connected to her. Her message landed.

I can report that over these years she is a highly sought after speaker and gladly takes the stage. Recently, I reached out to her with a photo I lifted from LinkedIn in front of a large audience. “Look at you all comfortable standing facing a large group of people.”

Her reply, “I had a great teacher.” My response: “Aw, I simply helped you to uncover your hidden talents.”

So, how is it that you want to show up? What do you want to convey to your audience? What impact do you want to have on your audience?

I’ve witnessed leaders, experts, high profile people fumble. They destroyed their credibility and their reputation because they didn’t take the time to know how to shine in these crucial moments of truth.

There is a formula for success, and I’ll share it with you.

Resonate with your audience. Be highly relevant to them. Have them remember you and what you conveyed. Get them to align, buy-in and to take action.

For the past 25 years I’ve helped countless leaders and others to help to get them ready for their events – and to succeed. When I say success, I mean they convey what they want to convey clearly. They show up fully present, authentic, in comfort and in ease.

Join me for a free 45-minute workshop that will reveal the first step in planning your highly successful public speaking engagement.

Sign up here.

https://martha-gelnaw-presence-impact.thinkific.com/products/live_events/nerves-to-presence-live-workshop

I was in conversation with a friend of mine from Belgium who has trained assiduously to be excellent in her chosen field. She is seeking a role using her expansive expertise.

I don’t have to tell many of you how frustrating it can be to get hired today. It is challenging for the best of us. She’d have a string of bad days as we’ve all experienced at one time or another.

Then, she attended a one-day conference that buoyed her spirits and lifted her confidence. It so happens that she was spontaneously meeting people who were offering to take her under their wings. They introduced her to those people who can hire her.

As she is recounting this to me, I had an overwhelming sense of what it takes to have the stars align like this.

Chemistry.

No not the subject I struggled so desperately in high school.

Chemistry is energy, attraction, frequency, and vibration - connection between two or more people.

This particular day she had that force of nature thing going for her that drew the right people to her. Moths to a flame.

She and I know each other well. We share the same values. We like to read the same genres of books. We both volunteer for worthwhile causes that make this planet a better place to be in. We have a deep and expansive inner life. I know her to be living her life in full integrity.

Knowing her I’d guess right when it comes to attracting attention from others with similar sensibilities.

My niece, Caitlin has moved her family back to northern Michigan. They stayed in a friend’s cabin until they found their home. It’s a 50-minute drive each way to her twin’s school. A rental opportunity came up, and she went to meet the owner for a tour – a 5-minute drive to school. And, oh what a house it is. Beautiful and the backyard is the Lake.

As much as she’d like to jump at this, the monthly rental was way above their budget. She thanked the owner.

Not too long after, the homeowner called Caitlin to say that she didn’t have to rent out the house however she said, “I really like you and your family, and I’d like to offer it to you at your price.” *

I mean, this is how it works. Isn’t it? It’s our face-to-face interactions in person where we give a felt sense of ourselves to another person. And we get that from them as well.

I was readying myself to go into a potentially difficult situation. I wanted to clear the decks of any preconceived thoughts and emotions that could derail me. “Be in neutral” I told myself.

I was speaking with my friend Rebecca letting her know my intention and this is what she offered me:

My beacon coordinates are broadcasting strong.

Perfect. Chant away.

Chemistry takes place between people who are open, present, and connected. Like likes like. Good people can more easily suss out those other good people.

Then what could we do to be sure that our presence is being felt and known?

Get out of your head. Be connected to your body. Become self-aware of the effect you have on people when you are focused on them. Be a listener.

Yes. We can set ourselves up for success. Don’t fall into the pitfalls.

Let your positive energy flow. Let the chemistry be available to create those exquisite connections – those to your advantage. It’s up to us. It’s fully in our hands.

Forget the virtual. Meet in person. The chemistry is high.

*I should mention that Caitlin has that certain thing. It’s natural to who she is. So does Leila. I have it too. Nature? Nurture? Who knows? You are able to nurture it. Think of all that chemistry! Think of all those wonderful connections. Being human.