for those who don’t know, we threw a banger of a valentine’s day party earlier this year and then promised to do it again in Q2 and Q3. but we got a little side tracked ( was “busy”) and only got around to it last weekend, well into Q4.

, the visionary she is, took this as an opportunity to clean up the backyard which was buried under fifteen years of succulents, dog shit, and shards of glass in a wide range of shapes and sizes. we embarked on the week-long project of shoveling, raking, and having interpersonal conflict with our downstairs neighbor. would it be worth it?

we had other questions too. could we combine a house show with an afterparty in the same location? would people leave after the show? would our newly organized backyard, single power outlet, and chain of four extension cords be up for the task?

and………how horny was it really? we surveyed our guests to find out…

some found lovers

one guest gushed to us about her experience:

there was a report of a mid-party bang:

thorn: one friend blurting out he had just returned from banging my other friend mid-party
rose: waking up the next day with the a calm sense of joy that my friends are impulsive and total dawgs for that one
bud: for that to never happen again

yet another guest asked a question on everyones minds:

Is it always this horny? As a first timer I was taken aback (not necessarily bad, I just didn’t know what I was walking into). This feels like an incredibly naive question to be asking given the contents of this questionnaire. “Sex appeal” was literally on the invite and perhaps I was a fool to doubt.

and intrigue was inspired by eli…

others made enemies

from one disgruntled guest:

someone i have met, hung out with (≥10 times), listened to them play, (≥100 times) and talked to and about came up and introduced himself to me (it was peter)

a "guy in a surf t shirt” also elbowed someone in the face, and we also got a report that “someone was too drunk and full of himself.” let us know if you match either of these descriptions. sounds like they’re the same person tho. 👍

and still there were lovers turned enemies…

MY ROSE AND THORN: Running into so many people I went on bad dates with!! Felt like I was playing frogger!! FUN and SCARY!

My friend went on a few dates with a Portuguese man there. He was flirting with multiple women throughout the night. That’s all.

some guests are worth recognizing for their outstanding contributions

first of all, we want to give a shoutout to Dean, who graciously ordered two large pizzas for the party then dipped before they arrived. everyone hailed him a hero. we didn’t even get a photo to honor him.

next up, we wanted to thank shhh guy who helped us quiet the crowd:

we have also crowned our new favorite neighbor:

can’t forget “Girl with tooth gem chugging a 40”

big ups to “Old Pat” for very cleverly entertaining the crowd with his comedic tune which led to icing Scott from My Dog Jack:

and finally, a special thanks and sincere apology to Frak, decorated local rapper and star of Nick Cannon’s Wild ‘n Out who showed up at 1am after nearly everyone had left. he left immediately but didn’t go unnoticed:

Thorn - when that local rapper showed up at the very end of the night and then left, I feel like that was not very supportive of the arts

speaking of music and the arts…

the crowd enjoyed a range of music and performance art from Michael Gay, Adam Spry, My Dog Jack, “Old Pat,” Ally Setton, and Alex Brown. most people liked it:

that wasn’t the only art on offer at the party, however. one guest told us “Someone recited a Keats poem to me”

another guest told us they kept the party going by “playing blow the whistle about every ~30 minutes throughout the night and say[ing] “nah you crazyy” to anyone who asked if we had played it before”

finally, one guest came for us in the survey:

The hosts claim to support the arts but outsourced 2/3 of their house portraits to robots

many crushes were completely and utterly fumbled

when asked about new crushes, guests responded:

finally talked to my girl crush (lauren) and didn’t have anything to say so i just ate 3 bags of nerds clusters in front of her

Pretty sure I saw an ACTUAL angel attend this party but, she HAD to have been with someone cause she was an absolute smoke show….never got her name, there is something pretty about that to me tho!! Quick interaction and then POOF!!! Separate ways😊

P sure I fumbled it by bringing up Jaws waist-deep in the Pacific Ocean at 1:30am

the you’ve just got iced guy was funny, i’m a sucker for parody songs. I didn’t care for his pedo glasses though

I locked eyes several times and exchanged a few words with an insaaanely cute blond beauty who came and stood next to me and Ava after playing my song and before MDJ came on. But alas when MDJ came on, I became hypnotized by the arts and she vanished like the facial hair on Scott’s chin.

i had a crush, but then he got too drunk and thats no longer LOL

and there were a number of salacious rumors shared…

Scott Weiner was in attendance.

heard some things about the ‘cule....

Good Pat has a hog

Peter supposedly was pocketing cash at the entrance

Someone told me Old Pat’s song was AI generated

[Redacted] told me he banged [redacted] mid-party and I was momentarily upset

finally, some critical feedback

some practical tips: move the furniture in the living room. invite me to the ketamine room. boys should only be able to talk at a certain decibel or be banished to the backyard.

I think there needs to be some kind of formal punishment or humiliation ritual who are making noise and being disrespectful of the arts

More gay people next time please !

backyard part needs to be more punk, music inside the house was too low, house layout a bit wonky for house party... lots of furniture creating silos

that’s all folks

First, a debrief on Normal Party

last summer, we decided we’d had enough of all the theme parties that seem unavoidable in san francisco. couldn’t we just have a normal party? so we decided we’d do just that…

we had the time of our lives promoting Normal Party – sending out little text blasts with haikus and mysterious allusions. we even made a promotional video dispelling myths associated with our party…

then the actual day came. the vibe was stilted, the feng shui was off, and then an after-midnight crowd arrived. we thought maybe things would turn around. but then it devolved into a whip-it-induced downward spiral…

the next morning, we couldn’t hide our disappointment. and some of our guests were bold enough to shoot straight into our hearts:

so we gave up on hosting parties for a while… until we were inspired by lauren’s call to host. emboldened, we decided we’d try again in Q1 2026. and what better occasion than valentine’s day, conveniently on a saturday smack dab in the middle of Q1?

The Valentine’s Day Party

the house was QUIET at first… the air felt menacingly uncertain… then, at 9pm, an hour after the official start time, the floodgates opened…

guests could choose their own adventure - some quietly read through our ‘love library’ of pickup artistry and sex-ed books, others made friends at our makeshift bar, traded jello-shots studded with maraschino cherries, and a few of us took over the aux cable and danced. sound healing by natasja moved to one bedroom, and unbeknownst to us, a few illicit activities migrated all the way down the hallway to another bedroom. despite the rain, the party spilled outside into the street. the Hangout Geometry was complex, but incredibly functional…

we, the hosts, scarcely interacted with each other during the night, except for some quick exclamations of success… it was palpable! but did the data support our feelings in the moment?

Valentine’s Day Post-Party Survey Results

By the Numbers…

74% of survey respondents said they had “Criminal Levels” of fun at our party. When we asked about favorite activities, respondents said…

the most popular activity was “The ‘why did you put this sticker on me?’ game,” an idea we came up with while panicking about how we had promised activities but hadn’t prepared a single one…

we mercilessly ignored requests to reveal what the stickers meant, leaving our guests to speculate amongst themselves, use the colors as flirtation fuel, or simply feel unsettled… as it turns out, everyone just wants to FEEL something.

two very important metrics of success, and we smashed them both.

40% of survey respondents leaving with a new crush?????? insane…

wish we had more details here…

The best free responses

Favorite person at the party and why

It was a man on the couch, swimming in the book “How to Succeed with Women,” that stole my attention. Surrounded by beautiful people, our young hero’s attention was wrestling with the notion that the 1545 could have such a book. His internal monologue was humming, asking the big questions: “Is this sarcastic?” “Are these hosts regressionists?”, and “Is this party a cult recruitment event?”, and “Why did I not eat before this? All they have is RFK Jr diet style bites.”

Best riffs

i asked one of the weed brothers how business was going and he said “selling weed”

Not so much a riff, but I learned a new game where relative strangers got in a circle, selected someone to stand inside, had them close their eyes, and spun them around. Then the folks on the outside of the circle would trade places while the person in the center's eyes closed. Finally, the person in the center’s hand would be guided to someone in the circle’s neck and then had to guess who they were by the shape of their neck.

Breaking down the physics of the ‘helicopter’ (Kama sutra, page 60)

Crushes and missed connections

i have a crush on every boy - teen girl squad reference

Ah, did I ever! Big night for big eyes, let me tell you. Don’t know if it was the jello shots, the booch crafts, the burnt lighting, or the human soul trying to escape the dog days of the year of the snake, but people’s eyes at this party had a lot to say. There was an Irish-looking girl with big blue eyes whom I would love to get to know better, as well as a tall blonde with warm eyes who made this vagabond feel at home.

Forgot her name fml

If I say anything I am in big trouble

Ok I thought this guy Joey was kinda cute but he was there with two girls so idk . I also left right after I met him lol I was tired

The party pledge

A whopping 18 out of 20 respondents pledged to have One Party Per Quarter, with eight of them committing to actual dates:

In Conclusion

why was the party so good? ultimately, it was the people and their open hearts… our little shenanigans simply guided everyone along.

we’ll be back in Q2 with another banger… in the words of “weed brother” Eli… “2026, we’re bangin that shit out… bang bang bang bang bang BANG”

P.S. whoever Partiful crushed us: