As children, we understood this instinctively. Not everyone belongs everywhere. Some people meet you at the gate. Some are invited into the parlour. Very few ever see the bedrooms.

But somewhere along the way, many of us stopped respecting the architecture.

We began mistaking exposure for intimacy. Oversharing became proof that we are open, honest, or “real.” We hand people the keys to rooms they have not earned access to, hoping that the shortcut will create closeness faster than time ever could.

We call it vulnerability.

I think it is something else.

Part I: So, why do we overshare?

These motivations can overlap, but they are not identical

1. Wanting to be known: I want you to understand who I am

Sometimes, we have so much inside us that being asked a simple question feels like an opportunity to finally let someone in. We want connection. Intimacy. We have the insatiable desire to be understood. We want someone to see the parts of us that don’t fit into polite conversations.

And there’s nothing inherently wrong with that.

But wanting to be known can make us impatient with the process of knowing someone. We try to compress months of trust into one conversation.

2. Wanting to be liked: I want you to have a favourable opinion of me.

Sometimes, we disclose too much because we’re trying to make ourselves easier to accept.

We explain ourselves before anyone has asked anything, reveal our insecurities so people won’t discover them and judge us. We disclose information not simply to help someone understand us, but to influence the version of us they walk away with…

We’re not necessarily sharing because we’re ready to be vulnerable.

We don’t just want to be seen. We want to manage what people see.

3. Wanting to be Significant: I want you to recognize that I matter.

This section was inspired by someone I've observed who seems unusually willing to share other people's private business, particularly when doing so reveals how close he is to them.

They tell things about a mutual you both know, reveal private details about themselves or people in their lives, or disclose information that makes you wonder how they came to know it in the first place.

And sometimes, I suspect, the point isn’t simply to ‘gist’.

It’s to establish proximity.

I want you to know that I know People.

“You see, I know this person. I’m close enough to them to know this about them. I have access to information you don’t.”

The secret becomes social currency. Someone else’s private life becomes an opportunity to establish their own significance.

Not every attempt to impress people is an attempt to please them. Sometimes, it’s an attempt to establish rank.

Part II: It’s easy to identify someone else’s oversharing. It’s much harder to recognise our own when it arrives disguised as a platform, friendliness, or vulnerability.

Social media has made this particularly interesting. We built entire platforms around the idea that letting people into our lives is inherently authentic, even noble. We document our experiences, share our lessons, narrate our healing, and invite strangers to witness our becoming.

And My God, that openness is beautiful.

Sometimes, sharing a difficult experience helps someone feel less alone. Sometimes, putting an experience into words helps us make sense of it ourselves. Sometimes, vulnerability is simply the most honest response to what we are going through.

I don’t think the answer is to become so guarded that nobody gets to know us.

But I do think we’ve reached an interesting point where being authentic has become an expectation in itself.

We want people to know that our lives aren’t perfect. We want them to see the difficult parts, the uncertainty, the things we haven’t figured out. We don’t want to appear so polished that our lives seem manufactured.

And so we share.

Sometimes because we genuinely want to. Sometimes because we have something meaningful to say. And sometimes, perhaps, because we worry that if we don’t show people the less flattering parts of our lives, they’ll mistake our privacy for perfection, our curation for dishonesty, or our silence for pretence.

Without realising it, we can begin to feel that we owe people proof of our “realness”.

But authenticity and access are not the same thing.

You can be honest without being exhaustive. You can share the parts of your life that are difficult without making every difficult experience public. You can be a real person without turning every part of being human into a spectacle…

The problem isn’t necessarily that we overshare. It is that we haven’t stopped to consider what sharing is doing for us.

Are we telling this story because we have made peace with it, theres a lesson to teach or because we need someone else to help us make sense of it? Are we sharing because we have something meaningful to say, or because we are uncomfortable with the possibility that people might misunderstand the parts of our lives they cannot see or like?

And when we tell someone else’s story, are we sharing something that is ours to tell?

I think that last question deserves particular attention.

Because our desire to be known, liked, or considered interesting can sometimes make us careless with information that belongs to other people. We forget that being close enough to know someone’s secrets does not automatically make those secrets ours to share.

Reclaiming the Parlour

I keep returning to the phrase “Don’t tell them everything”. Our parents loved that phrase. I thought it was a relic of an older, highly secretive, more guarded generation.

But now, standing in the middle of a culture that demands a “day in my life” every 24 hours, I see the wisdom in the Parlour.

The Parlour isn’t a place to hide; it’s a place to welcome, but welcome does not mean unrestricted access. It’s the space where we receive visitors, offer hospitality, and decide who is safe enough to see the rest of the house, if ever.

We can open the door without handing over the keys.

We can welcome people into the parlour and enjoy their company without feeling obliged to give them a tour of the entire house.

And we can leave some doors closed, not because there is something shameful behind them, but because our lives are allowed to contain things that are not for public consumption.

Whether I’m at the gym, at a wedding, or typing this on call into this void for my fast growing Innies, I’m learning that some things are meant to be whispered in the kitchen, not shouted from the balcony.

Some rooms are just for us.

Happy October!! 🥹🤍

New month, New what??? A fresh Love & Hatestack of the month before—where I share the things I loved, hated and maybe’d or rolled my eyes at. From culture, products, unhinged conversations and intrusive thoughts, here’s my monthly recap.

I’m not psychic, but I have a feeling you will enjoy this one, so feel free to like, comment and share. ❤️

September was a lot less dramatic than August, thank God, but somehow just as full.

A new job, new opportunities, new people, old people I love, a healthier mother, a little more money and a reminder that apparently I am capable of doing all of this while still taking out pieces of people’s vertebrae.

#FunAF

THE LOVE STACK:

• Career: At the beginning of September, I got a random call one day and accepted an offer — with a 66.7% increase from my previous salary.

  And honestly, I think what I love most about this isn’t even the money, although please believe me, I love the money. 😂

  It’s the feeling that my medical career is moving.

  ALSO I TOOK OUT BONE???

  One of the slightly insane things about being a surgeon in training.

  I assisted in a laminectomy this month and actually got to remove some of the lamina myself. Sometimes I remember that I have a very weird awesome job.

• Content: One of my existing brand partnerships was renewed for another year. September also brought 7 inbound emails and 4 speaking engagements, including panels with UNCOVER skincare, #HPPMOSSummit and more. There’s something very satisfying about getting to the point where you’re no longer constantly asking, “How do I get opportunities?”

  Sometimes, they just start showing up in your inbox.

  I like this era.

  I also hit 37.9k followers

• OOO: Two weeks off work did a LOT for my burnout and my mood when I returned.

• Media:

  Doctor’s Orders With Dr Onyii: Flagship Medical show with Pulse Nigeria

  Four episodes uploaded this month. One month completed.

  It feels slightly surreal that something that started as an idea is now an actual thing that exists. I’m also getting more comfortable with the idea that my work isn’t confined to my own little content ecosystem.

  Apparently, I am a media girlie now.

  Who woulda thunk it?

• Family: It’s been over a month since my family member’s (early birds know who it was) illness and they are back fully functional, healthy and glowing.

  After August, this feels like one of the biggest wins of the month.

  There isn’t really a profound lesson here. I’m just very happy to see them being their normal self again.

• Siblings: I haven’t seen my sister in three years. And then she came into town.

  That’s it. That’s the entry.

• L’Oréal Dermatological Beauty MedSquad:

  (this is where being a part of the Innies is really fun because this hasn’t been announced anywhere yet)

  Anywho, I officially received my welcome into the L’Oréal Dermatological Beauty MedSquad Nigeria this month. 😭🤍

  Another one of those WTF moments where I had to stop and appreciate how far this whole thing has come.

  It’s L’Oréal WTF. Ahh!!!!!

• My Team: I got a media assistant y’all!!!

  Her name is Oyin and honestly, match made in heaven? Because Onyii and Oyin?? HELLO. She’s been with me for 3 months now and we rockin’. There is something very humbling about realising you no longer need to do every single thing yourself sha.

  I am very happy to have her.

• Relationships: Hi, I’m your customer” at an event somehow turned into flowers at my doorstep this month.

  Multiple Beat The Bloat orders.

  I also got new headshots with my longtime photographer and friend.

  Lastly, a waning friendship is on the journey to being rekindled. 🥺

• The Little things: This tweet, Comments/DMs from my audience and everyone’s support generally.

  I love it here. 😩

THE HATE STACK:

• Traffic: It’s not even December yet.OMG???

  Why is Lagos behaving like Christmas is tomorrow? October. November. Please.

• Allergies: God made me a 10 and said: “Nah. She’s too perfect.”

  Let’s add allergies for some razzle dazzle.

MAYBE STACK:

• Diplomacy: Therapy work gave me a few diplomacy lessons and September gave me the opportunity to use and watch them work in real time. It turns out how you say or handle things can matter just as much as what you’re saying.

  Annoying, but incredibly useful.

  ---

September felt like movement—body, mind, career, bones, joy. Just lots of little things shifting into place.

Your turn.

What made your Love, Hate and Maybe list this month?

I’d genuinely love to read it in the comments.

Leave a comment

Happy September!! 🥹🤍

New month, New what??? A fresh Love & Hatestack of the month before—where I share the things I loved, hated and maybe’d or rolled my eyes at. From culture, products, unhinged conversations and intrusive thoughts, here’s my monthly recap.

I’m not psychic, but I have a feeling you will enjoy this one, so feel free to like, comment and share. ❤️

August gave me a good ass whooping, tried to unalive a family member amongst major wins.

Life is weird, truly.

THE LOVE STACK:

• Career: At the beginning of the month, I wrote a note titled “August Scorecard.”

  In it, I separated content income and wrote down an 8-figure revenue target.

  In August, I hit that amount with two major brand deals: a global pharmaceutical brand responsible for Aspirin and Mirena, and a clinical dermatological brand — both as a medical expert.

  Context: I got four brand deals this month. The most I’ve gotten in a single month this year.

  And I think that’s worth documenting because sometimes you have to stop and acknowledge when something you quietly wrote down actually happens.

• Content: Went out of my comfort zone and featured in Pulse GroupChat, discussing all things contraception across three episodes. I think I’m finally getting more comfortable with the idea that not everything has to happen in my own little content ecosystem.

• Sound: Ayra Starr’s #Starrgirl has been on repeat. Another perfect album this year. Treasure, Ms Paper and Heaven baby are some of my favourite songs

THE HATE STACK:

• COULDN’T BELIEVE: Almost losing someone I love.

  This probably deserves its own essay, but I don’t think I’m ready to write that one yet. August came with a rather brutal reminder that the people we love are not as permanent as we like to believe. Someone I love became seriously ill, and for a while, we genuinely didn’t know what the outcome would be.

  I don’t have a particularly profound lesson to attach to this. I mostly just remember being terrified. Having to play Daughter, trying to switch off Doctor and all the myriad of emotions in between.

  And then, somehow, they are still here, healthy, fully functional and capable.

  So this month, I’m grateful for something much less glamorous than a new deal, a good outfit or a career win. I’m grateful they’re alive.

  This singular event changed the whole temperature of my Month.

• THE HOSPITAL:

  August came with a lot of patient deaths. Some of them were expected. Many weren’t. But there is something particularly unsettling about watching young people die. People who, in another context, would just be living ordinary lives.

  And I started dreading the hospital.

  The smell. The anxiety. The feeling in my chest when I had to admit another patient hoping they would walk out alive.

  There were many days I simply didn’t want to be there.

In August, there were no maybes, just absolutes. Grateful to be on the other side #StillWinning

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Your turn.

What made your Love, Hate and Maybe list this month?

I’d genuinely love to read it in the comments.

Leave a comment

AHHHH!! Happy August!! 🥹🤍

New month, New what??? A fresh Love & Hatestack—where I share the things I loved, hated and maybe’d or rolled my eyes at. From culture, products, unhinged conversations and intrusive thoughts, here’s my monthly recap.

I’m not psychic, but I have a feeling you will enjoy this one, so feel free to like, comment and share. ❤️

This month reminded me that although I’m a genius, I’m still deeply human.

Annoying, honestly.

THE LOVE STACK:

• Beauty: Made this hair color my personality and IT. ATE. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. 🍷

• Career: Incredible scenes!!! I spoke on 2 panels this month, signed my first media series with ____ (guess who?! AHHH!!)

• Content: I went viral…again.

  Over half a million people stumbled into this little corner of the internet.

  The numbers will never not be surreal. Imagine over 500,000 people in your consulting room??? Chile. It was all Fun till then the antivaxxers started trooping in 😅

• Style: The looks? Served. The Body? Recomp’ed. The Live? Gagged.

• Love: Hard guy wey still dey love. Smh. It’s AI pls ❤️🤣🎉

• Therapy: This one stretched me. Imagine paying to be uncomfortable 😂Unfortunately I am too obsessed with self improvement to quit.

• Social: My schedule surprisingly allowed me to be social this month and I attended few brand events, looked FAB as hell. Don’t believe me? Check HERE

• Myself: Honestly? 10/10. Loved everything about myself this month. Almost married myself, tbvh.

• Food: Ate some of the most delicious homemade meals this month. Nothing was made in my home lmao

• Botox: re-upped on my baby tox and it is worth it every single time. Use code “OCLGLOW10” in clinic when you book HERE

• Community: slowly repairing & rebuilding irl after multiple trauma (read: japa) episodes wanted to finish me. Also, the community online is community-ing! I love y’all fr. Thank yaaa!

THE HATE STACK:

• Money: This month was oddly expensive. I am also still crying after passing up on a brand deal worth $5k because imagine me posting about bleaching cream???

• Floods: It can never be well with APC/LASG for the lack of drainage system in this “mEGaciTy”. I had to take my car to the mechanic twice this month, and as I write this another visit is imminent.

• Family: Some of the hardest moments this month happened behind closed doors. There isn’t a villain in this story that I’m interested in introducing to the internet. There are simply relationships I’m still learning how to navigate. I’m choosing privacy over details, but not pretending it didn’t shape my month.

• Business: Learning that “seen” is a complete sentence in business. 😭 My team sent proposals, negotiated, followed up, and watched a few conversations go nowhere. The internet mostly celebrates signed contracts. It rarely sees the dozens of conversations that quietly die behind the scenes. Odiegwu

• Expectations: I realized how often I prepare myself for disappointment before life has even had the chance to disappoint me. CEO of bracing for impact, lol.

• Workplace Politics: Full contact sport. Zero Stars.

• Antivaxxers: Just Avoid me. Biko

• Therapy: What? why are you looking at me like that?

MAYBE STACK

• Bullying: Honestly, sometimes you need to bully the bullies back. 😭

• People: Some relationships surprised me this month. Others deeply disappointed me, still deciding on the thunder that will fire the latter.

• Vulnerability: I still don’t know where healthy openness ends and oversharing begins.

• Therapy: What? Leave me alone. 😂

• Hope: Maybe the ball doesn’t always drop.

July reminded me that when it rains it floods. pun absolutely intended.

Thankfully… sometimes it also pours blessings. 😭❤️🤭

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Your turn.

What made your LoveStack, HateStack and MaybeStack this month?

I’d genuinely love to read it in the comments.

Leave a comment

Few months ago my therapist asked me a question I wasn’t expecting.

He looked at me and said,

“Are you going to keep running when every place you work is ‘unsafe’ and the people "don’t like you?”

I laughed. Then I felt personally attacked.

It wasn’t because he was necessarily right.

It was because he was asking a different question from the one I’d askes myself for years.

I’d been asking,

“Should I leave?”

He was asking,

“What makes you conclude that repair is no longer possible?”

That question followed me home. And weeks later, I’m writing about it.

Because for as long as I can remember, My internal sequence has looked something like this:

1. Something hurts.

2. I explain my position.

3. They don’t respond the way I hoped.

4. I quietly conclude they don’t understand me.

5. I emotionally detach.

6. I begin planning my exit.

Does this Sound familiar?

A few days ago, I’d asked hundreds of people a question on Instagram.

“At what point do you stop trying to repair a relationship?”

I got stories about betrayal. Infidelity. Disrespect. Cruelty.

The usual suspects.

However, I also noticed an overriding theme of responses described the same thing.

Hopelessness/Nonchalance.

Not the first argument. Not even the nastiest one.

They described the moment they stopped believing the next conversation could be different from the last.

That distinction...made more sense than I had ever thought to admit.

We often think relationships end because they’ve accumulated too much pain.

But pain and hope can coexist.

People survive affairs. They survive long-distance relationships.

They survive illness, bad bosses, toxic relationships and financial hardship.

Sometimes they even survive years of misunderstanding.

Pain, on its own, doesn’t necessarily end a relationship.

Hopelessness does.

And…hope is a strange thing.

It isn’t just optimism. It is also evidence.

Every apology that feels sincere.

Every difficult conversation that goes slightly better than the last.

Every small behavioural change. Even fake ones.

Every moment that whispers,

“Maybe tomorrow will not look like yesterday.”

That’s hope.

It’s not a feeling. It’s a forecast.

Hopelessness is a forecast too. Only in the opposite direction.

It’s the quiet belief that nothing you say or do will matter.

That you’ve already had this conversation.

Twice.

A million times before.

That you’re speaking, but no one is really seeing, understanding or listening.

Eventually, something shifts.

Not in the relationship.

In your imagination. You stop imagining a different future.

Actually, I wonder if that’s why silence can be so deceptive.

People assume that when the arguments stop, things have improved.

And sometimes they have. Sometimes the relationship has simply moved beyond conflict.

Not because there’s peace, but because there’s surrender.

You don’t argue with people you believe can never hear you.

You conserve your energy and become Indifferent.

Oh that word.

I love that word. I am quite indifferent about a lot of things, including people and now I wonder if I’m just hopeless on those matters.

I’ve realised this isn’t just with romance.

It explains friendships that quietly disappear without a dramatic ending.

It explains siblings who speak only at funerals.

Employees who stop offering ideas in meetings.

Patients who stop questioning their doctors.

Citizens who stop voting.

It’s remarkable how often we interpret silence as contentment.

When sometimes, it’s…resignation.

I think this was the very thing my therapist challenged me on.

Not whether my “workplace” was healthy.

But whether I had mistaken hopelessness for certainty and control.

Whether I’d reached the conclusion that repair was impossible before fully exploring what repair might require.

I don’t know the answer yet.

That’s the uncomfortable thing about therapy.

You don’t leave with certainty.

You leave with better questions.

So now I find myself wondering if I’ve asked the wrong question

Maybe the question isn’t,

“At what point do I conclude that repair is impossible?”

Maybe it’s this:

“How do I know the difference between someone who is unwilling to repair… and someone who is repairing differently than I expected?”

Omo.

The gag is therapy hasn’t told me to stop leaving.

Some things deserved to be left. ASAP ooo.

It’s asking me a different question.

Have I mistaken disappointment for hopelessness?

I don’t know yet. But I have a feeling the answer will change more than my career.

It might change every relationship I have.

Starting with HR.

See you next week.

“Doctor…what did you do to your face?” I laughed because I knew what they were really asking.

She wasn’t actually asking about my face.

She was asking how I still looked rested after weeks of call shifts.

My answer disappointed her.

Because it wasn’t one treatment.

It was a system.

Everyone assumes the women who always look put together are naturally prettier, have more time, or somehow wake up excited to do all the things.

It’s absolutely BS.

I’m a doctor. I work long shifts. I get tired. I sweat. I have mornings where I have less than thirty minutes to leave the house.

The difference isn’t discipline. It’s logistics.

Over the years I’ve slowly built systems that make looking polished the default instead of something I have to think about every morning.

This is every single one of them.

Before we start…

None of these systems are mandatory.

They’re simply the ones that have given me the highest return on my time as a doctor, content creator, entrepreneur and professional baby girl.

Looking “put together” isn’t a moral achievement.

It’s just one less thing I have to think about before taking care of everyone else.

System 1

My Hair System:

When you’re on call, the last thing you need is to spend forty minutes deciding what to do with your hair.

Braids. A sleek bun. A silk press. A wig you love.

I don’t care what it is. I care that you’ve removed one decision from your mornings.

Looking polished is rarely about effort. It’s usually about removing decisions before the week even starts.

My Hair Rules

• I don’t book hair based on trends. I book it based on my schedule.

• Monthly appointment, quarterly relaxer and biannual treatments.

• Every style must survive work, sleep, gym and creative events regardless of length.

• If it needs daily styling, I probably won’t do it.

• I repeat what works and leave the hair on my scalp alone.

Here are my favorite salons in Lagos, Nigeria:

For Color jobs: zero color damage, but spenny

For hair treatment, relaxers and simple braids: 5 star, i love the spa as well

For weaves, wigs and experimentation: being a client for 5 years now

⭐ Here’s my hair calendar for 2026

System 2

Healthy skin saves time.

This is where I spend the most intentional effort.

My daily skincare keeps my skin healthy.

But professional treatments keep me from needing heavy makeup at 5 a.m.

This is where treatments like facials, microneedling, chemical peels, lash lifts and Botox, if they’re appropriate for you, become part of a long term strategy rather than a luxury.

Most mornings I don’t need to “fix” my face. I simply maintain it.

The Treatments I Actually Spend Money On

This is where I spend money because the results last longer than another bottle of serum.

* Botox - twice yearly

*Microneedling + a peel - Every 3 months

* Chemical peels - As needed

* PRP + HydraFacials - As needed

* Lash lifts - monthly

* Monthly Brow Wax/threading

None of these are requirements. They’re simply the treatments that have given me the best return on my time.

My Favorite Products

* TAC Rejuva - An absolute banger for hyperpigmentation (Do not use on retinol nights)

* Vitamin C serum - After Moisturizer, Before Sunscreen, everyday

* My Fave Retinol Yet! - Nighttime use only.

✨ I go to Theeaestheticclinic (Branches located in UK, Canada, Lagos, Ghana and Abuja) for most of these treatments and i have linked the booking page here. You can book a consultation and should always have a consultation first to determine what works for you and your budget. I’ve partnered with them because they’re genuinely part of my own routine, and I’ve arranged a little perk for readers at the end of this post.

System 3

Face Maintenance.

People notice your face long before they notice your outfit.

• Clean freshly waxed brows.

• Simple nails (I love short nails but go design heavy).

• Lash lifts. (i tried lash extensions and they were so time consuming to do and didn’t last as long cause of my gym activities). The ROI didn’t make sense for me anymore.

Small details that make you look awake even when you’re absolutely not.

These appointments actually reduce how much time I spend getting ready every morning. They are a monthly recurring expense.

Consider a lash serum or getting micro-bladed brows if yours are sparse.

System 4

My work wardrobe is intentionally “boring”.

People assume stylish people own more clothes and maybe outside of the hospital, thats true.

I’ve found the opposite. I repeat silhouettes constantly.

Scrubs that fit well. In colours that flatter me and hide stains. Great looking sneakers.

Apple watch. Simple jewellery. A solid structured bag

In the hospital, When I’m not in scrubs, it’s usually some version of a crisp long sleeve shirt, tailored joggers or linen pants and comfortable slides like these ones.

The goal isn’t variety.

The goal is never wondering what to wear.

System 5

Accessories

Handbag and call bag packed.

ID card. Chargers. Water bottle. Food.

Supplements. Scrunchies.

Me and Anxiety do not go together at all.

System 7

Posture.

No outfit survives bad posture.

Looking polished isn’t just about what you wear. It’s also about how you carry yourself.

I highly recommend going to the gym for this. Strength training can absolutely help posture for many people.

Shoulders back. Walk like you’re supposed to be in the room. Eye contact.

Good posture makes almost every outfit look more expensive.

⭐ Workout with me FREE for 30 days.

Romanticize the Routine

Medicine is hard.

If my perfume makes me smile during ward rounds, I’m wearing it.

If my favourite earrings survive getting tangled in my hair, they’re coming along.

If drinking from a beautiful water bottle makes me drink more water… then, that’s the one I’m using.

Your life is happening now.

Not after promotion, residency or vacation.

Tiny luxuries make ordinary Tuesdays feel less ordinary.

System: The Emergency Kit

Every ambitious woman should have one. Mine lives between my work bag and my car.

Inside:

• deodorant

• lip balm

• mini perfume

• stain remover pen

• lint roller/ dental floss

• charger

• power bank

• pain relief

• tampons/pads

• safety pins

• hair tie

• breath mints

• hand cream

• a lab coat/spare underscrub/cardigan

Nobody talks about this.

Yet it has probably saved me more stress than any serum ever has.

My philosophy

People often tell me I make it look effortless.

The funny thing is…

It isn’t effortless. It’s simply logistics.

People think looking polished is another thing on my to do list.

The truth is…it came off my to do list years ago.

That’s what systems do.

Resources

⭐ Hair Calendar here

⭐ Discount Code: For Sections 2 and 3

Use OCLGLOW10 (Recommended for online bookings): Gets you priority booking + I’ll personally confirm your slot with the clinic and send you quick prep tips once you book.

• OCLGLOW5 (For walk-ins).

  📍 Available Locations:

  Nigeria: Lagos (Ikeja/Lekki), Abuja

  Ghana(East Legon & Airport road)

  UK (Birmingham,Manchester &London)

  Canada (Calgary,Laval,Montreal,Edmonton,Toronto,Winnipeg &Ottawa)

  United States

Everything else I’ve mentioned throughout this guide is linked here.

Last updated: July 2026

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Every Last Sunday of the Month, I share the things I loved, hated and maybe’d or rolled my eyes at. From culture, products and unhinged conversations, this is your monthly recap.

I’m not psychic, but I have a feeling you will enjoy this one, so feel free to like, comment and share. ❤️

This month reminded me that health is humbling. It doesn’t care that you’re a doctor. It asks the same thing of all of us: pay attention.

Ironically, the month I was forced to pay closer attention to my own body was also the month more people paid attention to my work.

THE HATE STACK:

• Health: I got a diagnosis. I will share more on this soon. It’s not bad but it’s not nothing.

• Career: Got caught in between Workplace politics, Disrespect and having to defend my professionalism. Thankfully, Mama didn’t raise no bitch so it was handled. One thing this month reinforced is that silence can easily become endorsement. If someone is writing your story for you, correct it.

• Visa: I love being Nigerian, simultaneously I hate being Nigerian. As I write this, I’m in tears cause I missed my sister’s wedding and had to watch it happen from afar. New hustling motive to buy a new passport has just been unlocked. Ghetto.

• People: Lots of Projections this month from individuals who are afraid of looking inward. Of course, it bounced off me easily. But WOW, It was a lot and I’m just a girl.

THE LOVE STACK:

• Relationships: My sister got married to the LOHL and looked incredibly STUN!!!!!

• Interior design: Got bored. Still in a creative flow state, I decided to redesign my bedroom.I just ordered these bedside tables in matcha and an olive green rug. I’m excited to see it come together beautifully.

• Sounds: Obsessed with silence lately and even working out with no music these days. But Drake’s HABIBTI still hitting.

• Skincare: Shower oils were the skin plot twist I didn’t know I needed. I love this one

• Conversations: As a certified yapper and thinker, I had a life changing conversation about niches that completely reset the way I think about my work. My biggest takeaway? My lens has always been THE differentiator.

  Most importantly, it reminded me that gifts often feel ordinary to the people who possess them.

• Self Development & the fight against Anti-intellectualism: Say NO to Olodos.

• Content: I almost didn’t post the screening carousel.

  Four days later it had been shared over 50,000 times, seen by over half a million people and brought hundreds of new people into this little corner of the internet.

  The numbers were surreal.

  But before any of that happened, three consultants I work with had liked it.

  I don’t know why, but that tiny moment was incredibly flattering and meant almost as much as everything that came after.

• Trust: One thing I didn’t expect this month was how seriously people would take my recommendations. Somewhere between the comments asking where to get screened and the messages saying they finally booked appointments.

  I realized people weren’t just consuming my work.

  They were acting on it.

• Money: I spent years wondering whether medicine, fashion and creativity could ever coexist in one career. This month reminded me the answer is yes.

• Prayer: Something eerie about seeing prayers get answered in real time. 10/10 recommend. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.

• Journaling: 900 days in. If you have never journaled, I implore you to start. Write 3 things you are grateful for daily. Gratitude multiplies miracles. Here’s the one I use.

MAYBE STACK

• Perfection: As I get older, this seems more like a trap. Maybe some things don’t have to be perfect to be valuable.

• Exes: Every conversation seems to answer one question and create two more.

• Hiring a content operations assistant. Exciting, but still an unknown. This person could become one of the best investments in my business or just a learning experience. Apply Here (applications close: June 30th 2026)

June reminded me that the things worth building rarely happen all at once.

Trust. Confidence. Healing. Community.

They grow quietly, long before there’s enough evidence to convince anyone else.

Then one day, everyone calls it an overnight success.

The trick is paying attention before everyone else does.

Share

Now it’s Your turn.

What made your LoveStack, HateStack and MaybeStack this month?

I’d genuinely love to read it in the comments.

Leave a comment

A patient I admitted died on my last shift.

A few days later, I dreamt she woke up.

Thirty three years old.

A week before, she was at the gym. Going to work. Making plans. Living an ordinary life.

Then a vessel ruptured and everything changed.

That’s the part of medicine that never stops humbling me.

We spend so much time talking about spine pathologies, aneurysms, GCS scores, and CT findings. Then every now and again you’re reminded that behind all of it was a person who expected to wake up the next morning.

The dream made me think about something I’ve been reflecting on for a while:

Medicine doesn’t just train you. It changes you.

Some of those changes are necessary.

Some are dangerous.

And if you’re not careful, the profession can slowly take pieces of you that you never intended to give away.

These are the qualities I actively fight to keep.

Humanity

This is the one people talk about most. It’s also the easiest to lose without noticing.

You see suffering every day.

You deliver bad news.

You watch families cry.

Eventually your brain starts trying to protect itself.

The danger isn’t that you become cruel.

The danger is that grief starts to feel ordinary.

Here are some of the ways I fight this:

1. I try not to refer to patients by their diagnoses.

They had names before they entered the hospital. That dignity should remain intact.

2. I make eye contact.

I pay attention to relatives, spouses, children.

3. When all else fails, I cry.

Not every case. Not even most cases.

But some stories follow you home.

Some show up in my dreams.

I think that’s okay.

Every patient is the most important patient in someone’s life.

Confidence

Medicine has a way of making even competent people doubt themselves.

You learn quickly that there is always someone more experienced, more qualified, more knowledgeable than you.

That’s a good thing.

Until it isn’t.

Because every doctor eventually encounters a moment where something feels wrong before they can fully explain why.

A patient doesn’t fit the pattern.

A symptom doesn’t make sense.

A scan needs repeating.

A senior’s plan doesn’t sit right.

The challenge is learning the difference between humility and silence.

Medicine needs humility.

Patients need you to speak up.

Identity

This may be the quality I protect most fiercely.

You were a person before medicine.

You’ll still be a person after it.

Somewhere along the way, many healthcare workers begin shrinking their identities until “Doctor” becomes the only thing left.

I don’t think that’s healthy.

Read fiction. Start a Substack. Become a DJ. Go to the Raves. Color your hair.

Fall embarrassingly in love with a hobby.

Build a life that exists independently of your profession.

The world does not need more doctors who only know how to be doctors.

Relationships

Medicine takes time.

A lot of it.

Birthdays get missed.

Weddings get missed.

Dinners get missed.

At first people understand.

Then life keeps moving.

One of the hardest lessons medicine teaches is that relationships cannot survive forever on good intentions alone.

The people we love need our presence, not just our explanations.

Nobody wants “Best Doctor” written on their tombstone.

Medicine will take enough from you on its own.

Don’t volunteer the rest.

Keep your confidence.

Keep your humanity.

Keep your identity.

Keep the parts of yourself that existed before the scrubs and white coat. (I shared a whole list on instagram.)

You will need them.

And so will your patients.

I would also love to hear your thoughts. I wrote this while remembering her.

Leave a comment

Every Last Sunday of the Month, I share the things I loved, hated and maybe’d or rolled my eyes at. From culture, products and unhinged conversations, this is your monthly recap.

I’m not psychic, but I already know you will must enjoy this, so feel free to like, comment and share. ❤️

THE LOVE STACK:

• Hair: My new hair color gave me a new zeal to live. The tonal match is insane. Even my Consultants were gagged. IKDR!

• Sounds: Drake dropped 3 projects this month and I haven’t listened to anything else. HABIBTI is my fave, followed by ICEMAN. I’ve been acting like a private investigator trying to decipher all the bars. Ngl, I haven’t given MAID OF HONOR much airplay, Chile. #soontho

• Identity: May was the month my voice started crystallizing across platforms instead of just “posting content’. I have been attracting attention from multiple lanes simultaneously, medicine, fashion, beauty, lifestyle, wellness. That overlap is crazy because it’s difficult to replicate authentically. My creativity has also been in a flow state, I love the way my ideas flow when i’m not scared ✨

• Siblings: Deeply fascinated by how much of my love for these gremlins is in actions never words. The realisation shocked me fr 😭

• Funds & Fashion: a financially great month = a fabulous month of shopping. Obsessed with everything I bought this month, especially nightwear 💌

• Social: Attended #TheLongTable event, policy makers, the biggest health creators championing culture and credibility, and felt right where I needed to be.

THE HATESTACK

Not much to hate this month but:

• When will my sleep schedule return from war?

• Men

• that voiceover style of overlapping, rushing and hyper-exagerrated ways of speaking. omo make it stop please. no reference but you know what i’m talking about

MAYBE STACK

• Investments: Listen, I like to see my money hanging in my closet, but this Loft apartment wasn’t bad at all! #SOLD

Every Last Sunday of the Month, I share the things I loved, hated and maybe’d or rolled my eyes at. From culture, products, intrusive thoughts and unhinged conversations, this is your late monthly recap.

I’m not psychic, but I already know you will must enjoy this, so feel free to share with others ❤️

THE LOVE STACK:

• Career: Remember this entry from February? 1/2 finally. Watch here. Ha ❤️!!!

• Beauty: Sometime last year, I got Botox and other procedures that completely transformed my look from “chronically sleep deprived Dr” to “She sleeps 10hrs a day”. Reply GLOW here and details will be sent to your DMs!

• Funds: This was a very financially rewarding month 💌

• Food: Banga and starch may start growing on my head. Pls don’t try this meal if you’re sedentary. Or do. I aint your mama.

  PS: This meal contains approximately one million calories.

• Social: went away solo, then rekindled a friendship that meant so much to me.

• Content: #AtoZOfHealth , my trademark health series has been improving, in terms of reach, shares and the entire vibe, my goal is that it stays truly educational and consistent. Follow along and engage!

THE HATESTACK

• Office Politics: Yes, it exists. Even in the hospitals. Maybe Worse, actually.

• Access Bank: Finally closed my account after they delayed my visa application by 2 weeks. Me run things, things don’t run me.

• Humidity: Nobody talks enough about how medically disrespectful Lagos heat is.

• Cancer: The zodiac AND the disease.

• Call room sleep: No matter how long you sleep on call, your body somehow knows you are still at work. Unrefreshing, body ache promax and close to illegal.

• Disrespect: Jesus IS the only Capricorn that will let you get away with it.

• Visa Fees: PLS refund if you deny me the visa??

• Men

THE MAYBE STACK

• Breakups: Somethings must end. Not because love no longer exists but because love without safety stopped being enough.

Have you ever felt whiplash contrasting the version of a person the world gets, vs. the version you get in private?

And sometimes, they are not the same person.

For the most part, he is kind. Especially to people outside. Patient. Charismatic. Easy to be around. The kind of person people would describe as “good.” He has the curb appeal of a saint.
And then there’s the version you get when no one else is around. When things don’t go his way.

Sharp. Dismissive. Unkind in ways that feel intentional. Not random. Not careless. But surgical. These aren’t blunt force insults; they are precision strikes designed to land exactly where they’re meant to—below the belt, right against the bone.
And then, like clockwork, comes the peace offering.

Not necessarily because anything has been resolved, but because the silence has become uncomfortable and the “Good Guy” image is harder to maintain in a quiet room.

And I’ve noticed something. The problem isn’t the conflict. The problem is that the “peace” only works if you accept it quickly. When you don’t—if you truly take your time to process it, suddenly I’m the difficult one. Suddenly I’m “dragging things.”’escalating”, Suddenly, I am the problem.

Peace that is rushed, pressured, or negotiated under discomfort is not peace. It’s merely compliance.

It is exhausting. Managing the version everyone loves while trying to survive the version only a few people ever see.

I’m still deciding what to do with that.

Every Last Sunday of the Month, I share the things I loved, hated and maybe’d or rolled my eyes at. From culture, products and unhinged conversations, this is your monthly recap.

I’m not psychic, but I already know you will must enjoy this, so feel free to share. ❤️

Share

THE LOVE STACK:

• The Career Progress: If you follow me on Instagram, you already know Purelife Pharmacy sent me a PR package after their Gentle Place event. The note? Changed my life.

• Confrontation: I have never regretted it, not once. Every time I’ve chosen violence over comfort, it has paid off.

• This month I networked like a mad woman. I was like “is this famzing” and still followed up. Felt strange, but nobody died??? 😭

• The Fashion: Nigerian-made medical scrubs. I lived in these all through March and just ordered more. Practical, flattering, and they understand long call days. (Use Code: ONYII10 for money off 💌)

• Gifts: Received a gorgeousssss gift from my wish-list and a stack entry in January. Can you guess what it was? 🙂‍↔️

• Social: Attending beautiful events. From Pulse Influencer Event to Tiffany Amber Brunch, 10/10 across the board.

• Content: #AtoZOfHealth , my trademark series, got a direction lift and is back in April!!! Follow me on instagram, please

THE HATESTACK

• As an Ortho resident, the irony of sustaining an ankle tear right before attempting my 1RM because I was FaceTiming a boy. I trained for 5 weeks for that moment. This is what I get…for FaceTiming a boy.

• Bola Ahmed Tinubu: I found myself deeply irritated by this man, his friends, supporters, our suffering and their collective effrontery all month. Let me stop here before DSS remembers I exist.

• Passive aggression: As a full grown human being, why are you communicating like this? -100/10.

• “It’s the thought that counts” No bitch—It’s the do that DO.

• People who talk a big game but produce mediocre work. Got burned trying to hire new talent. You live and learn 😩

• JAPAAAA: My Digital Village is growing, but my physical village is shrinking faster than Nigeria’s middle class. This is very, utterly, abysmally, inconsiderate and painful. We’re all "moving to better things," but nobody talks about the quiet grief of being the one who stayed to turn off the lights.

MAYBE STACK

• Second chances: Maybe.

PS: That was not a sign to text your ex. #LetThatBumGo Thanks 😘

After over a decade of training, six months into becoming what most doctors spend a lifetime chasing, he left. That should bother you more than it does.

The internet calls it a money move. Which is ironic, because spine surgery is not exactly a low-paying path.

I think money is the least interesting explanation. The easiest one, too.

Sometimes what people really mean is simpler than that. That he chose the “easier path”. That he stepped away from something hard into something lighter.

When a spine surgeon leaves early, people want a clean reason. Something simple. Something that makes the decision feel less unsettling.

Money gives them that. It saves us from asking harder questions about the system, the person, and what it actually costs to stay.Staying has a cost too. We just don’t question it as aggressively.

This conversation feels eerily familiar. I stepped away from full-time content creation to return to medicine. So I understand what it means to move in the opposite direction of expectation.

Medicine has always been framed as a calling. You do not just choose it, you commit to it. Years of study, delayed gratification, and an identity shaped around competence and endurance. By the time you arrive, leaving feels almost unthinkable. Not because you cannot, but because you have invested too much.

That is the logic of sunk cost. And in medicine, it runs deep.

In medicine, endurance is often mistaken for proof that you chose correctly.

So when someone steps away early, it feels like a disruption. Like something has gone wrong.

We don’t question why someone stays in medicine. We only question why they leave.

The Visibility Tax

Training is hard. That is not new. What is new is what happens when that experience exists alongside visibility.

I had this exact conversation a few days ago at an event. When you are not just a trainee, but also a public figure, the margin for error shrinks. Mistakes do not just stay in the room, they follow you. Expectations are heavier. Scrutiny is sharper. The pressure is no longer just clinical, it is reputational.

You are not only learning how to be a doctor. You are managing how you are perceived while doing it.

You’re no longer just trying to get better. You’re trying not to be seen getting it wrong.

It is easy to say someone left because there was more money elsewhere. It is harder to consider that they may have reached a point where the structure no longer made sense for them. Where the cost of continuing was no longer justified by the identity they were trying to hold onto.

The Danger of a Narrow Life

Medicine doesn’t just demand your time. It slowly replaces everything else.

I like to call it a jealous lover.

We do not talk enough about how narrow it can become. How quickly it can consume your time, your thinking, your sense of self. And how dangerous it is when a person has nothing outside of it.

Healthcare workers are taught to be committed. Being whole is treated as optional.

Having other interests, whether it is building a brand, exploring interior decor, or writing to a village of digital neighbors, is often framed as distraction. A lack of focus. But sometimes it is the very thing that keeps a person grounded enough to make honest decisions. Decisions that are not driven by fear, or obligation, or the weight of years already spent.

The sunk cost fallacy sounds like discipline when we dress it up nicely. But sometimes, it’s just fear wearing a white coat.

The Audacity to Pivot

It wouldn’t be a Dr Onyiibekeh without a diagnosis.

This is not just about one doctor. It is about a pattern we see across high pressure careers. Law, finance, academia. Paths that demand so much upfront that leaving feels like failure, even when staying feels misaligned.

So we stay. Not always because it is right, but because we have already come this far.

And when someone chooses differently, it unsettles us. Because it forces a question we would rather avoid:

“If they can leave, what does that say about the rest of us?”

Not every pivot looks the same. And not everyone has the same margin to make one.

Some people step away with financial cushioning, career leverage, or visibility that softens the landing. Others are still trying to build stability within the system.

But difficulty doesn’t make the question irrelevant. It just makes it quieter.

Because even for the people who stay, the tension still doesn’t disappear.

Not every exit is a loss.

Some are simply the first honest decision a person has made in years.

And honesty is uncomfortable, especially for the people who chose to stay.

As a doctor, who spends a lot of time in orthopaedics, I often feel like I am living in an alternate reality. We spend years studying the intricate, 26-bone architecture of the human foot, only to walk into a consulting room and see our colleagues willingly shoving their feet into what can only be described as high-grade packing peanuts.

I’m tired of pretending.

The Medical Myth of “Support”

Let’s talk about the science, because as a Digital Health Educator, I have a duty to the truth. (Actually adding this to #AtoZOfHealthEducation topics, yes, it’s that serious)😩

Crocs are a planar disaster. They are flat slabs of Croslite foam that offer zero longitudinal arch support. Long story short; on a “long ass call day,” your arches are doing all the heavy lifting with no assistance. By the 12th hour, your plantar fascia isn’t just tired; it’s screaming for help, like my patience.

Then there’s the heel stability or lack thereof. That little “sport strap” is a decorative lie. It provides zero calcaneal stability, which is why you see so many healthcare workers shuffling rather than walking. In a high-stakes environment where movement matters, being grounded in a sponge is a liability. Sorry, not sorry.

The “Aesthetic” Tax

I have built a brand around the intersection of Medicine, lifestyle and aesthetics. I believe in looking the part of a Fine Medical Doctor because when you look efficient, you feel efficient.

Crocs are the antithesis of this. They are bulky, they are Swiss-cheesed, and they essentially tell the world, “I have given up on the concept of a silhouette.” No amount of “Jibbitz” can decorate your way out of a shoe that looks like an accident. In fact, the Jibbitz are the ultimate “Lovebombing” tactic—they lure you in with cute charms to distract you from the fact that your lower back is about to give out. (side note: i wrote about lovebombing last month and the girls loved it!)

The “Efficiency” Trap

I get it. They are easy to clean. They are lightweight. They are easy to slip on when you’re called to the ER at 3:00 AM or lack the will to live. But true efficiency is about longevity. It’s about not needing a foot massage and three Ibuprofens just because you chose a shoe that prioritises “easy” over “engineered.”

Look, I’m not a monster. There are exactly three scenarios where the foam clog is permitted to exist in my line of sight:

1. The “Fluid” Zone: If you are in a theatre where the risk of “splash” is 100%, I’ll allow the Clog Work (no holes!!!). Being able to hose and bleach down your footwear is a biohazard necessity I can respect.

2. The Post-Shift Recovery: If you are walking from the shower to your bed in the call room, fine. Treat them like slippers. For short durations. But the moment you cross the threshold into the hallway? Straight to jail.

3. The “Jibbitz” Diplomacy: If a pediatric patient gives you a charm and you wear it to make them smile for exactly one round, I will look the other way. That is the only acceptable “Lovebombing” I support, LOL.

But honestly though, if we are going to talk about The Wellness Shelf and taking care of our bodies, we have to start from the ground up. And from where I’m standing, in a pair of actual, supportive sneakers, the ground is looking a lot better without the foam clogs.

My patience for unsolicited advice might be a myth, but plantar fasciitis is very, very real.

Stop the gaslighting. Buy some real shoes. And for goodness sakes, (Nigerian) medics if you're going to commit a crime against fashion and anatomy, at least don't do it in knock-offs 😩

*Heavy spiritual negro sigh of relief*

(Real shoe companies, call me for the test and sponsorships now!!!)

Hi Innies (go watch severance to understand the reverence!) ,

Every Last Sunday of the Month, I share the things I loved, hated and maybe’d or rolled my eyes at. From culture, products and unhinged conversations, this is your monthly recap.

I’m not psychic, but I already know you will enjoy this, so feel free to share. ❤️

Share

THE LOVE STACK:

• The Career Progress: I closed 2 global brand deals in February, which is insane, but also…if not me, Who???

I also stood up for myself and helped change an outcome positively for my colleagues. This was the real highlight of the Month. A win is a win.

• The Fashion: This barely there heel. Valentine’s day was delicate and dangerous in the best way 💌👀

• Workout Program: Not beginner friendly, and that is exactly why I love it. PERFECT for people who already know how to gym and want to remove guesswork. Get started here: Free 30-day guest pass

• Binge-watch Worthy: The Lincoln Lawyer on Netflix. Run, don’t walk.

• The Sound: “You” by FOLA. Honestly, his whole discography, especially Catharsis. 10s.

• Beat the Bloat Ecosystem (aka my firstborn): She keeps doing her thing quietly and changing lives while I pretend to be calm about it. If your stomach has ever tried to ruin your day, this one is for you. One of my best creations ever!

• Content: I worked out while listening to this podcast Mastering the Art of Spending Money Writing this unlocked a real “eureka” moment for me, and reading this felt euphoric.

THE HATE STACK:

No energy for an intro today but lets just get into it.

• This Video: Absolute jail for everyone involved. Electric chair for the cameraman and the Uber driver for being an accessory to nonsense. No further questions.

• Access Bank: 0/10. The consistency of their failure is almost impressive. Still a hard do not recommend. Chai

• The Culture: Oversharing. #Bringbackgatekeeping

• The Aesthetic: Cardi B’s BBL and entire tour. It is well.

  (Sometimes silence is the loudest critique).

• The Location Envy: Everyone currently in Cape Town or Japan. If you are posting sunsets or cherry blossoms while I am in this call room, please know the hate is being shipped via express delivery.

THE MAYBE STACK

• Breast Augmentation Plans: My only hesitation is not surgery. It’s: wait…what happens to chest supported rows and curls. The gym rat in me is currently in conflict with the aesthetic committee. And by committee, I mean me.

  Negotiations ongoing. No final agreement reached.

I need the gym girlies to weigh in on the 'Maybe' stack. Have you ever had to choose between a physical goal and an aesthetic one? How did the negotiations end?

Also, tell me one thing you’re officially leaving at the gate as we head into March.

Leave a comment

There is a specific kind of vertigo that comes with stepping back.

For five years, my life was content. My graduation was a milestone. Everything else was material. I lived deeply within the Signal.

I didn’t leave influencer culture. I just stopped orbiting its center.

And once you’re no longer submerged, the architecture of influencer culture becomes impossible to unsee. It’s like finally noticing the scaffolding on a building you’ve lived inside for years.

Influencer culture demands a permanent state of identity fragmentation. To survive it, you must be three things at once:

• The Product AKA “the brand”

• The Producer AKA “the strategist”

• The Patient AKA “the human experiencing wear and tear”

And the cost of holding all three roles simultaneously is rarely discussed.

1. The Producer: The Tyranny of the Edit

When you live online, you are never just experiencing a moment. You are auditing it.

You’re crying, but the Producer is assessing relatability.

You’re healing, but the Producer is plotting narrative arc.

This is the Translation Tax. It is the energy spent converting raw human experiences into something palatable, shareable, and on brand.

We call it strategy. We call it creativity. We call it building a platform. Being Relatable (which is currently one of my most hated words online currently) —But it is just cognitive strain.

Diverting emotional blood flow away from living in order to “package it”.

The moment stops being sacred.

And when that happens consistently, presence erodes.

2. The Product: When Character Becomes Inventory

I’d argue that the most dangerous shift happens when your personality becomes your inventory.

You are no longer selling ideas.

You are selling proximity.

Your joy becomes engagement.

Your heartbreak goes viral.

Your divorce becomes a headline.

Your growth becomes a rebrand.

In a pre-digital world, a wedding was a rite of passage.

In the creator economy, it is a full scale production.

The guest list is curated for aesthetic impact. The lighting is optimized.

The drop is scheduled. The Sacred becomes Social.

You cannot fully inhabit a moment you are actively capturing.

The Producer is always whispering:

“Don’t just feel this. Use it. Sell it”.

When the Product consumes the Person, you lose the ability to tell where you end and where the brand begins.

3. The Patient: The Parasocial Breach

We are taught that community is the goal.

But community, in this context, often means thousands of people observing your life through glass and commenting on the decor.

Parasocial relationships are not accidental. They are built.

Daily vlogs. Personal confessions. Vulnerable disclosures. Baby registries.

Familiarity becomes commentary. Commentary becomes entitlement.

The Patient in you, the part that needs privacy and quiet, remains under constant observation.

In any other context, thousands of strangers knowing your routines would be a security risk.

Online, it is a metric.

The dopamine of validation masks fragmentation. 1 post goes viral, then 10.

Suddenly there’s videos of people you do not know doing deep dives into your marriage.

4. The Restock of the Soul

When your life is the inventory, you are constantly under pressure to restock.

If you are not getting married, you must be traveling.

If you are not traveling, you must be healing.

If you are not healing, you must be transforming visibly.

Human growth has been converted into a content calendar.

We are incentivized to escalate.

Drama performs. Reinvention performs. Aesthetic trauma performs.

Stability does not trend. Nah, too boring.

You are no longer allowed to grow quietly. Growth must be visible.

Preferably cinematic.

5. Performance Debt: The Compensated State

In medicine, we call a system “compensated” when it is failing but still working overtime to appear stable.

Influencer culture rewards compensation.

You can be lonely but glowing.

In debt, but flexing wealth.

Exhausted but curated.

Miserable but posting anniversary photos.

The Producer performs stability while the Patient absorbs the strain.

But eventually, every system decompensates.

You cannot edit loneliness out of your own house.

You cannot facetune companionship from a partner you chose based on instagram aesthetic.

You cannot filter your way into emotional safety.

You cannot rebrand your way into wholeness.

When the gap between your Public Signal and your Private Self widens too far, anxiety fills the space.

That gap is where burnout lives.

That gap is where identity erosion begins.

The Diagnosis: Reclaiming the Un Editable

It wouldn’t be a Dr Onyiibekeh piece if I didn’t give a diagnosis. Would it?

The cure is not better boundaries.

It is reclaiming the Un Editable parts of your life.

Privacy is not secrecy. It is structural integrity.

You are not a 24 hour utility.

The Patient requires a sterile field.

You need spaces where the Producer is not allowed to enter.

The internet is an incredible place to teach your life but girls, it is a terrible place to live it.

Everyone who lives online needs something that does not care about their brand.

A program you are never bigger than.

Something that evaluates you without applause.

Something that humbles you without audience.

Without it, the Signal becomes your only mirror.

When was the last time you experienced something and deliberately chose not to translate it?

Not to caption it.

Not to archive it.

Not to monetize it.

Some things should never trend.

The uncomfortable part of this essay is that I don’t have a neat solution yet. I am currently living in the “Maybe Stack” of my own communication style. I started drafting this on Thursday night, after a heated negotiation. I am a woman trained to be an efficient signal in a world of noise, but I’m realizing that sometimes, the signal is too loud for the room it’s playing in.

The “Court Summons”.

Some days I get it right. I find the soft landing for the hard truth. But other days, I realise three hours too late that I didn’t use a ribbon. I just handed over the raw, unpolished fact like a court summons.

When I innocently say, “I can’t talk right now, I’m working,” I think I’m being helpful by setting a boundary. But to the person on the other end, it lands like a legal notice. It’s cold. It’s efficient. It’s surgical.

We often talk about diplomacy as if it’s a personality trait, as if you’re either “nice” or “blunt.” But in this reflection of mine, I have come to see it as a power skill. It is the ability to choose the right gauge of words for the emotional procedure at hand.

While reflecting, drafting and expounding on this, I did what I always do when something keeps repeating.

I tried to diagnose it.

Not in a dramatic, woe-is-me way.

In a quiet, clinical, “what exactly is happening here?” way

And here is what I found.

I operate in two (2) communication modes. (Walk with me).

1. The Bandwidth Problem

One of the reasons I struggle with this isn’t because I’m rude. It’s because diplomacy requires bandwidth.

After a day of scrubbing into procedures that border on life and death, juggling multiple brand conversations, life stuff and people, my soft skill battery is at zero.

In the OR, closed loop communication is the only language we speak.

Me: “Scalpel.”

Nurse: “Scalpel.”

There is no ribbon. There is only the goal.

When I bring that same 14 gauge energy home, it becomes an injury. My partner says he feels dismissed. I think I’m being efficient. We are using different tools for the same moment.

I notice this in brand negotiations too. People get overwhelmed and ask, “Why are you angry?” And I’m literally not. I’m just being clear. Lol.

2. The Defense Mechanism (the most important one)

I noticed something else. Sometimes the “Court Summons” isn’t an accident. It’s a choice.

There are moments when my bluntness isn’t just a byproduct of a long shift or sleep deprivation. It is a defense mechanism. When I feel like my boundaries are being treated as suggestions, or when I sense that I’m being “managed” rather than respected, I enter Defense Mode.

In the OR, we protect the sterile field. If someone breaches it, the response isn’t a ribbon. It is an immediate, sharp correction. It has to be.

I find myself doing the same in my personal life.

When I feel like I’m being taken advantage of, whether it is a request for “just five minutes” that I do not have, or an emotional demand that ignores my current load, I stop looking for the wrap and go straight for the slap!

The Court Summons tone is how I protect my interests. It is the verbal equivalent of a “No Trespassing” sign. A boundary enforcer, if you will.

The problem is that once you spend enough time in Defense Mode, it becomes difficult to remember how to put the shield down.

You start treating everyone like a potential intruder.

Even the people who are just trying to bring you tea

I’m realizing that what I’ve been calling ‘diplomacy’ is really about safety. When I feel emotionally safe, I am gentle without trying. But the moment I feel unsafe, or the moment I feel like I’m being taken advantage of, the gentleness is the first thing to go. I don’t have the luxury of ‘wrapping’ the truth when I’m busy defending it. I become clinical. I start speaking in court summons because I am trying to end a conversation that feels like an encroachment.

The Diplomacy Tax

If you are a high achiever, you are probably paying a diplomacy tax every day.

You are constantly translating your directness into something palatable.

If we aren’t direct, we aren’t respected.

If we are too direct, we aren’t loved.

(And if you’re both high achieving and diplomatic, congratulations. You won the lottery). Please teach me.

What I’m Learning (Work in Progress)

To my 224 Innies, the intimidating ones, the “too much” ones, the ones who sound like a lawsuit when they’re just trying to be efficient, this is our shared diagnosis.

I’m learning that:

1. Safety Shapes Softness

   When I feel emotionally safe, my gentleness comes naturally. I don’t have to perform it. I don’t have to force it. It shows up on its own. My tone softens in environments where I feel respected, considered, and secure.

2. I Can’t Outsource My Peace

   At the same time, I’m learning that I cannot hand over responsibility for my emotional regulation to other people’s behaviour. People are inconsistent. They get tired. They get selfish. They miss things. If my softness depends entirely on them getting it right, I will always be reactive. So part of my work is building enough internal safety that I don’t have to armor up every time the room shifts.

3. Boundaries Are Better Than Armor

   Defense Mode protects me, but it also isolates me. I’m learning that clear, early boundaries do more for my peace than sharp, late corrections. Saying “this doesn’t work for me” calmly is more powerful than waiting until I’m frustrated enough to sound like a court summons.

4. Timing Is a Skill

   Not every truth needs to be delivered immediately. Some truths need context. Some need rest. Some need space. Learning when to speak is just as important as learning what to say.

I don’t have this mastered yet. Some days I get it right. Other days I realize hours later that I could have done better. But naming the pattern has already changed me. Awareness is the first upgrade.

And I’m committed to learning how to be both clear and kind. Firm and gentle. Honest and safe.

Leave a comment

I would love to hear from you. Let’s talk about your soft skill struggle in the comments.

Back then, “vibes” were a stable currency and the “Get Ready With Me” era was at its peak. But I could feel the bubble thinning, and then I went on a two year hiatus.

Fast forward to 2026: the bubble hasn’t just burst, it has evaporated. Cultural commentary on the rise of the “expert influencer” suggests that social media has finally begun to reward depth over spectacle. But what most analyses miss is that this shift isn’t merely about who gets more likes, it is about who is believed. The algorithm can give visibility to anyone, but it only pays long term attention to people with something substantial to say.

The Taxonomy of Influence

We are witnessing a split in how we consume people.

On one hand, you have transactional influence: the unboxings (which made it to my hatestack last month), the trend chasing, the surface level relatability that sells access to an image. It is aspirational and aesthetic focused, but it is ephemeral.

On the other hand, we have constructive influence. This is built on educational nuance, frameworks instead of flashiness, and insights that survive beyond the moment. The internet used to reward the ability to auction your private life for engagement. What we are moving toward is the recognition of constructive influence, the ability to sell access to your thinking.

Trust Economics: The New Signal

In a world saturated with content, the rarest commodity is not attention, it is trust.

We are suffering from profound “attention fatigue”. The reels are getting shorter and more clickbait driven. We are exhausted by constant stimulation with no nutritional value. The mind craves signal, not noise.

Expertise functions as a trust anchor. It tells the audience: “I have lived with this body of knowledge. I will survive skepticism. I will not disappear with the next distraction. I know things.” That is social currency, not pretty, not ephemeral, but grounded and reliable. People do not share aesthetic reels years later. They share insight.

I see this shift in creators who make complexity accessible without dumbing it down. Becca Bloom, who makes finance make sense to someone like me whose historical relationship with money was “earn it and enjoy it.” And creators like politicalbaby, who manage to make African socio political discourse both rigorous and visually compelling. They are not chasing virality. They are building literacy.

Proof of Concept: The Surgeon’s Desk

I am not just observing this shift. I am living the thesis.

By day, I am a doctor in a high stakes surgery program. I have assisted in VP shunts and burr hole craniectomies where someone’s life is always on the line.

By night, I am a digital creator in expensive fabrics, working with global brands, speaking on TEDx stage, and running a hobbyist Substack that crossed 2.5K views in a single cycle. None of which works without the foundation of knowing things.

My growth is not coming from the blazers that cost hundreds of dollars. It is coming from the fact that I can explain why your neck hurts (hello, multi level foraminal stenosis) and why lifting weights is non negotiable for women who want longevity without missing a beat. I can explain the menstrual cycle with an event planner analogy while doing my makeup—and my blush placement will still eat!

I can tell you what a VP shunt does. I can explain why financial failures affect trust capital. That combination is not accidental. It is practice meeting reflection, the very definition of expertise in public spaces.

The Longevity Play

Most discussions about the creator economy stop at virality. Virality is a dopamine hit. Expertise is a memory. A viral reel gives you a moment. A thoughtful essay gives you a legacy.

People forget spectacle, but they remember insight.

The era of “pretty only” is giving way to the era of prepared minds. This is not a rejection of beauty. I will always love Schiaparelli and a high-end moisturiser. It is a celebration of intelligence that persists beyond optics.

If you want to be a creator in 2026, do not just show your life. Teach it.

Be honest. What do you know that no algorithm can replace?

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Hello Innies (Severance fans, IYKYK),

Every Last Sunday of the Month, I share the things I loved, hated and maybe’d (or rolled my eyes at). If you know me personally, you know my hate-list is long, LOL. I’ll try to keep it cute but most importantly, honest. From Culture and products to conversations; Let’s get into it!

THE LOVE STACK:

• The Career Glow-up: I’ve officially started a new surgery program. It’s high-stakes, high-energy, and exactly the level of ambitious I thrive on. I recently assisted in a VP Shunt and I have not shut up about it. I will never!

• The Skincare Ritual: Dry, heat prone skin might be my 13th reason, but Topicrem's Soothing Cream has been my literal savior, I will never live without her. If you have (any type of) Dermatitis, Buy it, no jokes.

• Holy Grails: Since we are still talking skincare; Zaron Cosmetic Sunscreen (because the Lagos sun is not your friend) and TAC Rejuva Cream at night—HOLY GRAIL. (You can steal my full skincare routine here.)

• Vibe Check: Raindance by Dave ft. Tems has been on a 24/7 loop. Perfect song. No notes.

• Reads: Good Writers read. This Dan Koe Article: The Power of Multiple Interests validated my whole “Doctor by day, Creator by…also day” lifestyle. I also really enjoyed Embarrassment Has Good Bones by Katie Lotz

THE LOVE HATE STACK:

Now for the section where I really thrive LOL

• Unboxing Videos: In 2026, nothing is more vapid. I used to do them, now I cannot stand them. I have unfollowed a lot of people on socials too! Please get a personality that does not revolve around Designer items.

• Access Bank: 0/10. Do not recommend. Would not relive if offered financial compensation (don’t quote me! I’m an Igbo Woman biko)

• Administrative Burnout: There is a specific mountain of medical paperwork that currently has my name on it. Scrubbing into surgery is the dream; paperwork is the tax.

• Botched Injectables on Black Women: May God help us and my eyes from seeing such terror on a daily basis. If you love it, I hate you. Respectfully.

• NEPO babies: Kindly, Devour Feculence.

THE MAYBE STACK:

This section exists because I can love something and hate something about it in the same breath. Call it the duality of (wo)man. I do not make the rules.

• This Skirt that was supposed to be one of my birthday gifts to myself (or a friend to me, depending on destiny). What I hate is the price and my complete inability to forget about this damn skirt. When you see me do an OOTD on instagram please just mind your business—I either stole or “God Did”.

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  And there you have it Innies, a nice mix of Yays, Nays and waydaminnit!

  What’s on your Hit, Miss or Uhm list this month?

  Leave a comment

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We’ve reached a point in dating where “intensity” is being sold as “interest.” People are skipping the “What’s your favorite color?” phase and jumping straight into “I’ve booked you a flight to Zanzibar for next weekend.”

I’m here to say it: Getting flown out in week one of getting to know someone is not normal. It’s not a romantic movie scene; it’s an attempt to bypass the most important prerequisite of any relationship—actually knowing the person. You cannot build a foundation on a boarding pass.

I realized that my hands had to intervene. Not just to mute the notifications, but to stop the “buy-now-pay-later” emotional cycle before it started.

The Luxury of the “Slow Burn”

We are living in an era of “convenience intimacy.” Everyone wants the perks of a three-year relationship in the first three days. But you cannot microwave a friendship.

A prerequisite for dating—before the trips, before the “I love yous,” before the joining of surnames and naming your twin girls, before the grand gestures—is friendship.

You need to know:

• How do they treat a waiter when the order is wrong?

• What do they look like when they’re bored?

• Do they even want a relationship or do they want a convenience partner?

• Do you like their personality when the “glamour” of the date is stripped away?

When someone tries to fly you out in week one, they aren’t falling in love with you. They are falling in love with the idea of you, and they are using their credit card to fast-track a connection that hasn’t been earned yet.

The Intervention Protocol

I tried to step away from the “medical talk” today, but my training kicked in here. In the clinic, if a patient is over-using a medication that is damaging their liver for example, I tell them to Stop Everything. We go back to basics.

Come to think of it, it was actually quite reckless. We get so caught up in the ‘flown out’ aesthetic that we forget the basic safety protocols we were taught as kids. A boarding pass from a stranger isn’t a trophy; it’s a huuuugeee risk.

Here is how I regained control:

• The “Mute” Button as a Sedative: I realized that my phone was the delivery system for the “drug.” Muting the conversation wasn’t about being mean; it was about lowering my daily dose of artificial dopamine so I could think clearly.

• Slow-Release Communication: In medicine, we have “extended-release” pills so the body isn’t overwhelmed. I started practicing extended-release texting. Even now I don’t respond to anything before 09:00am. Except delivery packages, I am only human lol!

• Checking the Vitals: I started asking myself, “Do I actually like this person, or do I just like the way this dopamine hit feels?” If the answer was the latter, I didn’t lie to myself; I simply stepped back.

Friendship IS the Only Filter

Lovebombing is essentially a smoke screen. It’s so loud and shiny that you don’t notice the lack of actual substance underneath. By slowing down, you let the smoke clear.

True intimacy is built in the “in-between” moments. It’s built in the months of being friends, the shared jokes, and the gradual peeling back of layers. You cannot buy that. You cannot fly that in from another city.

My hands intervened because I decided that my time and heart were not for sale. I’m not looking for a “bomb”; I’m looking for a foundation. And foundations take time to pour and even longer to dry.

What about you? Have you ever been “flown out” only to realize you didn’t even like the person’s personality once the plane landed? Or have you had to stage an “intervention” for your own heart? Let’s talk about it in the comments.

And I know this doesn’t guarantee that the slow burn would last, but getting lovebombed every 3 business days wouldn’t either.