I wish this article could be your guide to never be in that situation again. Unfortunately, I am none the better.

The best I can do is share with you what I take with me when going on holiday. Verdict: it includes pretty much most of what I use at home.

Face

I like to keep things simple for my face. It hasn’t always been this way, and I used to have a multi-step routine. I didn’t actually notice it making a huge difference, while when turning to face massages and lifestyle choices, I noticed a change. Since this revelation, I just haven’t been as bothered if that makes sense. I still believe in good hydration and love the whole ritual of taking care of myself, but the products I buy are now often driven by good deals (hence my current Mantle and Pixi overload).

Non-negotiables are hyaluronic acid, a thick cream and ofcourse SPF. I’m pretty bad with SPF, so I always have sticks and sprays in my bag to pop-on when I notice I’m increasingly in the sun.

When having more sun exposure, I reduce any retinoids and add more Vitamin-C as my skin is prone to dark spots. At the same time, I try not to think too much about it: everyone loved my freckles when I was younger, why should it be any different now that I’m over 30?

Morning:

• Mantle Hydra Serum

• Mantle Eye De-puffer

• Mantle the daily SPF 50+

• Coola Classic Face Mist SPF 50

Evening

• Mantle Hydra Serum

• Mantle Smoothing Serum or Pixie Vitamin-C Serum

• Mantle Eye Smoother

• Pixie Rose Ceramide Cream or Pixie Vitamin-C Lotion

Hair

My hair thrived when I was pregnant. It was full, voluminous, and shone bright like a diamond. Then postpartum hit and I experienced the same dreadful hair-loss so many of us are familiar with.

Buying quality products is something I generally believe in, but truly find it worth it for my hair. Luckily, I have been able to find products I truly swear by.

These products are my holy grails. Especially the Sisley serum and Hair care oil. Since a couple of months postpartum, I use the serum twice a week and it brought my hair back to life. The hair oil I use daily and let me tell you: this is Mary Poppin’s bottle. No joke. I’ve been using the same bottle since 2024 (!!!) with one pump per day.

For shampoo and conditioner, I swap my regular sets when on holiday. As our hair tends to get more drained by swimming and sunexposure, I prefer using an appropriate shampoo and nourishing conditioner.

• UV protection shampoo

• Rahua Nourishing Conditioner

• Sisley Revitalizing Serum

• Sisley The Cream 230

• Sisley Precious Care Hair Oil

• Bumble & Bumble Pret-a-powder Dry Shampoo Powder

Body

I’m religious about creaming myself after showering. It just does not not happen. Especially after having been in the sun all day. At the same time, I am not religious about which products I use for it. Since my son is born, I tend to use the same products for both of us, as our requirements are the same: minimal and clean ingredients x proper hydration. Currently I am switching between a bodylotion and an oil:

• Eucerin Atopi Control (recommended for my son’s eczema spots)

• Weleda Baby Body Oil

Ever since I used hormone supplements, which went via a spray, I have been very hesitant to perfumes. The medication was sufficient enough to penetrate my skin and pass to my bloodstream, why would it be different for anything else? It especially made me feel iffy spraying alcohol-based perfumes directly into my pores.

Luckily I found Maison Marie Louis. This natural perfume brand features perfume oils and deodorants. I am obsessed with their No.4, a woody and earthly smell that attracts compliments (I swear!).

• No. 4 Bois de Balincourt perfume

• No.4 Bois de Balincourt deodorant

Make-up

Although I actually don’t wear more make-up than a blush, I always bring slightly (ever so slightly) more with me on holiday, just for dinners etc. Perhaps because I use so little make-up, I am critical of the quality.

My mom introduced me to Westman Atelier and I love the simplicity of their products. They are gentle and you need very little of it to make a difference.

• Westman Atelier Liquid Foundation

• Westman Atelier Blush Stick

Lately, I have also been into a darker liptone and have found this lipstick of Laura Mercier not just beautiful, also lasting FOREVER. The no lipstick without lipliner rule applies in my household, so naturally I bought the corresponding pencil.

• Laura Mercier lipstick - 5th ave

• Laura Mercier lipliner - 02 plush pink

These are the products I bring with my on holiday. They are also the products I use at home. If you have any tips to prevent me carrying 20kg of products: enlighten me.

Generally, I switch mostly in my skincare products. Perhaps because I have never felt like anything actually made a difference. Any tips of holy grail products you’ve tried are so welcome. Perhaps you can switch my growing conviction that the real difference is made by facials/massages and lifestyle.

Where I do feel like I have established my favorites is in my haircare, perfume, and make-up. These are quality products I continue to return to because of the actual results.

Perhaps you noticed I used Shopmy links. Not gonna lie, I used to think Shopmy on Substack was a little bit eye-roll (aren’t we are all supposedly wanting to get away from influencers on this platform?)

BUT I now found out the website actually features a shopfront, and realize it is not just for driving sponsored product sales. And… don’t we all want to peek into others people’s drawers? I know I do, and have been loving browsing through all the shopfronts and discovering new products.

SO, if you have a shopmy - PLEASE share! I WILL check it out and, let’s be honest, probably take your recommendations for granted❤️.

Mom does Pilates SHOPMY HERE

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I’ve been thinking a LOT about energy lately.

Not just physical energy, although you definitely need a lot of that when you’re chasing kids around, going to back-to-back soccer games and Girl Scout meet-ups, or getting up bleary-eyed in the middle of the night with a newborn (tbh there’s not enough caffeine in the world for that phase of life).

I’m talking about MENTAL energy, too. The kind you need to get through a full workday, figure out what everyone’s eating for dinner, remember to buy a present for Saturday’s birthday party (who’s that kid again? Do we even know them?), and somehow keep your cool when your child has a complete meltdown over peeling a banana the wrong way.

Because here’s something I’ve noticed about myself: When my energy is low, I’m not just tired. I’m kind of a worse version of myself.

I’m less productive. I’m more impatient with my kids. I second-guess myself, jump from one thing to another without getting much done, and generally just feel less confident and motivated. Things that normally wouldn’t bother me suddenly feel like A LOT.

And I don’t like feeling that way.

So lately, I’ve been paying a lot more attention to my energy. What’s giving me more of it? What’s sucking it out of me? And what can I do to make sure I’m not running on empty and fumes by 3 p.m.?

Because as much as I’d love to have unlimited energy (and eight hours of uninterrupted sleep every night, while we’re at it), that’s not exactly the reality of being a mom. I wish.

But there ARE things I can control. And I’ve realized that some of the biggest energy boosters have nothing to do with sleep, exercise, or what I’m eating (which are all important! To be clear!).

Here are five things that give me energy, and five that drain it.

5 THINGS THAT GIVE ME ENERGY

1. Doing hard things on purpose.

I know, I know. Exercise gives you energy. Groundbreaking!

But hear me out, because I’m not just talking about getting your steps in.

I’m talking about doing workouts that are HARD. The kind where your muscles are shaking, you’re gasping for breath, you’re questioning your life choices, and you’re not sure you’re going to make it through the next 30 seconds.

I do Solidcore three times a week (and yes, I’ve almost cried in class…sh*t is hard!), and one of the biggest benefits for me isn’t even physical. It’s mental.

There’s something about pushing yourself through a really challenging workout that makes everything else feel a little more manageable. You did something hard. You got through it. And now that difficult conversation, stressful work project, or toddler tantrum doesn’t seem quiiiite so intimidating.

It’s confidence-building. It’s resilience-building. And even though it doesn’t make sense, expending all that energy often leaves me feeling like I have MORE of it. Girl math, I guess.

2. Treating my calendar like it’s my most valuable possession.

I’ve become a little obsessive about my calendar. Like…psychotic.

Because I’ve realized that my time, my focus, and my energy are all connected. When I’m constantly bouncing between work, house stuff, school stuff (which reminds me, I need to get muffin mix today for next week’s Halloween breakfast, add it to the list!), and whatever else comes up, I end up feeling exhausted without having accomplished much.

So I try to give everything its own time and place.

I use AI to help me map out my week, blocking off dedicated time for client projects, my own business development, workouts, household responsibilities, and family commitments. Everything is color-coded, including calendars for my kids and husband. I block off my lunches, workouts and even travel time to and from my workouts.

Does it always go according to plan? LOL. Of course not.

But having these blocks means I’m not constantly trying to figure out what I should be doing next. I’ve already made those decisions (well actually, my AI employee has, thanks girl), which frees up a lot of mental energy.

3. Giving myself permission to do nothing.

So…this is not very “me”. I’m someone who likes to be productive (raised on millennial “girl boss” culture). I like checking things off lists. I like feeling like I’m making progress.

Which means doing NOTHING doesn’t come naturally to me.

But I’ve learned that I need quiet time to recharge and reboot the batteries. Sometimes that’s reading a book, getting outside for some fresh air, or just having a minute where nobody needs anything from me. I also try really hard to have every Friday be pizza-and-movie night at home, where we can all just chill and decompress from the week. (Last week was the iconic 90’s film Camp Nowhere starring Andrew Keegan…anyone?)

No podcast. No emails. No trying to squeeze in one more errand.

Just a little breathing room.

And I’m trying to get better about taking that time BEFORE I’m completely depleted, rather than waiting until I’m so exhausted that I’m no fun to be around.

4. Eating and drinking for how I want to feel.

I think of my body a little like a machine. If I’m putting crappy fuel into it, I can’t expect it to perform at its best.

So I pay attention to what I’m eating and drinking, not just from a health perspective, but from an energy perspective.

For me, that means prioritizing protein, fiber, lots of water, and whole foods that keep me feeling full and energized throughout the day. I also keep caffeine pretty minimal and am mindful about how much alcohol I’m drinking. As much as I enjoy a fun night out, I’ve noticed that alcohol can really mess with my sleep and leave me feeling anxious, sluggish, and completely unmotivated the next day.

This isn’t about eating perfectly or never having a cocktail. When I’m out with friends for an awesome dinner, I’ll go for it with all the carbs, dessert, you name it. But in general it’s about paying attention to what makes me feel my best, and making more choices that support that.

5. Spending time with people who make me feel more like myself.

You know those people you spend time with and afterward you’re just...vibing?

Maybe you had a great conversation, laughed til you cried, brainstormed an idea together, or just spent time with someone who makes you want to be a better version of yourself.

THOSE are my people.

I’ve become much more intentional about surrounding myself with people I admire, friends who cheer me on and lift me up, and people who are doing interesting things with their lives.

Because energy is contagious. And spending time with the right people can give you a boost that lasts long after you’ve said goodbye.

5 THINGS THAT DRAIN MY ENERGY

1. Trying to do seventeen things at once aka multitasking

This is a big one for me.

I’ll be working on something, remember I need to order kids’ soccer cleats, open another tab, see an email come through, respond to a text, and suddenly 45 minutes have passed and I haven’t finished ANYTHING.

Sound familiar?

I’ve learned that constantly switching between tasks is sooo exhausting. And it usually means I’m doing all of them less effectively.

So I’m trying to get much better about doing one thing at a time. When I’m working, I’m working. When I’m doing household stuff, I’m doing household stuff.

And when I’m with my kids, I want to be WITH my kids, not mentally composing an email while pretending to listen to a very detailed story about how someone got hit by a ball at recess. (But I mean…easier said than done.)

2. Letting everyone else have unlimited access to my attention.

Slack. Email. Text messages. WhatsApp. Instagram. School notifications.

IT. NEVER. ENDS.

And here’s what I’ve realized: Every time my phone pings, someone else is essentially deciding what I should pay attention to.

That’s a pretty exhausting way to live.

So recently I turned off almost all my notifications, with exceptions for important contacts and emergencies. I try to be intentional about when I check messages rather than responding to every little thing the second it comes in. So instead of being up on the group chat all day long, I’ll open my text or WhatsApp at very specific times, catch up, and then be done.

I’ve also become more conscious of how much content I’m consuming. Because even when scrolling feels like a break, it doesn’t always leave me feeling rested. And it’s easy for 20 minutes to pass on TikTok in what feels like a millisecond.

Sometimes the most energizing thing I can do is put my phone in another room.

3. Saying yes when I really want to say no.

I’m sure I’m not alone in this one.

The extra commitment. The social plan I’m not that excited about. The favor I don’t have time for. The thing I agreed to because I felt bad saying no.

And then I spend days thinking about it, figuring out how to fit it in, and wishing I hadn’t said yes in the first place.

I’ve realized that overcommitting doesn’t just take up time. It takes up mental space.

And sometimes the energy drain starts way before the actual event.

I’m trying to be much more selective about what I commit to, and remind myself that saying no to something doesn’t make me a bad friend, mom, or person.

It just means I know my limits.

And the key word is TRYING. I’m not perfect and my instinct is to overcommit. The last few years, my New Year’s resolution has been to “Do Less”. I’m not sure it’s working all the time, but at least I’m trying.

4. Clutter. Everywhere.

I don’t know about you, but when my surroundings are a mess, my brain feels like a mess.

The pile of mail on the counter. The kids’ clothes that need to be sorted because somehow now the 4Ts aren’t fitting anymore. The random artwork, toys, and art supplies that accumulate on every available surface.

It’s like having a visual to-do list staring at me ALL DAY.

And even when I’m not actively thinking about it, it’s there, taking up space in my brain.

I’m not saying my house is always perfectly tidy (two kids live here, so obviously not), but I feel SO much better when things are relatively organized.

Sometimes spending 15 minutes putting things away gives me more mental clarity than sitting down and trying to force myself to be productive in the middle of chaos.

5. People who take more energy than they give.

This one might sound harsh, but I think it’s important.

We all have people in our lives who leave us feeling drained.

Maybe they’re constantly negative. Maybe every conversation is about them. Maybe they always need something from you. Or maybe they’re just not the kind of people who seem particularly happy when good things happen for you.

And look, everyone goes through difficult periods and needs support. That’s what friendship is for.

But there’s a difference between supporting someone you care about and consistently walking away from an interaction feeling worse than you did before.

I’m trying to pay more attention to that difference.

Because while I can’t control every person I interact with, I CAN be thoughtful about who gets the most of my time and energy.

And I’d much rather spend it on people who want to see me thrive.

One last thing...

I’m not suggesting that we can all just organize our calendars, eat more protein, and magically become well-rested, endlessly patient moms.

PLEASE.

There are seasons of motherhood when you’re going to be exhausted no matter what you do. There are nights when nobody sleeps, weeks when everything goes wrong, kids are sick and throwing up all over the house, and days when you just have to get through it.

But I do think we have more control over our energy than we sometimes realize.

And the more I pay attention to mine, the more I realize how much it affects EVERYTHING. My work, my confidence, my patience, my relationships, and how much I enjoy my day-to-day life.

I don’t want to spend all my energy just getting through the day.

I want to have enough left to actually enjoy it.

Now I’m curious: What’s one thing that gives you energy, and one thing that completely drains it? Tell me in the comments. I’m always looking for new ideas (and people to commiserate with).

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Craving more?

Feeling my best is a huge part of my life. In order to do so, there are certain things I do. And once you’re getting into the habits that actually move the needle, it is hard to get out of them. And why would you, if those habits actually make you feel better? It’s why I am happy to work out often, eat ecologically, with enough fruits&veggies, and take certain supplements.

At the same time, the amount of money flying out of the door for these habits, is astonishing. When my partner throws this at me, I always counter his arguments with the question if we would rather spend the money today or in the future to pay a doctor. But sometimes I can see his doubts.

This all got me thinking. What are the habits that don’t cost a thing, but still make a difference?

I’ll go first: these are five habits I actually swear by and which are completely free to do.

1. Legs up after a long day - always

I’ve written about this habit before, and I probably will do it again. There is not much that feels as good as putting your legs up after a long day. As moms we are just on our feet aalll the time. Carrying, walking from A to B, cooking, doing laundry. When you think about the blood vessels, it makes a lot of sense that a counter to the downward motion can be beneficial. Besides that, there are many practices that advice legs-up as a way to lower stress-levels too. I can really recommend trying this once, and I guarantee that you won’t stop.

2. Lymphatic drainage movements

Every morning, you’ll find me and my son doing our “morning gymnastics”. Honestly, the look of a little human doing rump rotations and knee lifts already makes this habit worth it.

But here are more benefits.

I do 5 movements, taken from TCM, that are supposed to help with lymphatic drainage. I am planning to do a larger article about this, but already sharing the benefits here:

• Feeling less bloated & puffy - especially after a bad night sleep (hello moms who’s toddler also doesn’t sleep through the night).

• Less cravings - it’s like it gives my brain a little pause before starting the day with consuming something. A direct example is that when I have done my movements, I will opt for a tea instead of a latte and this sets my whole day of foods up differently.

• A good stretch - ahh, you know those “nice” cracks when moving your body after waking up. Getting back in form. Doing these movements, gets all the wrinkles out of my spine and helps me to be fit directly.

Comment if you’re interested in seeing which movements I am doing and you’ll get a personal head’s up when my post is going live ❤️.

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3. Working out at home

Finding a home workout routine that works for you is going to be a game-changer. The boundary to get it done will be lower and you should be able to get at least one workout in, if you prioritize that time for yourself ofcourse!

My favorite workout is Pilates. Especially because classical Pilates consists of 34 exercises. Knowing this order will give you all the tools to do your own workout at home without any dependency,AND being able to adjust it to what you feel like at that moment. If you prefer a teacher guiding you, I would recommend the free Youtube videos of Idit Spiro, for a classical Pilates teacher for different levels.

4. Movement after food

You probably recognize one of the following feelings:

• You have just taken a big meal and still, there is this sense of wanting more.

• Having finished your meal and feeling like you could take a nap.

• Having a crash after your meal of an hour ago.

There can be many examples added to this list, and somehow movement after food solves each of them.

Moving after food creates a clear end to your meal and will help give your brain time to register your fullness. Besides that, and more importantly, it will limit the glucose spike you’d otherwise experience. Long story short: after eating, your blood sugar (glucose) rises and insulin helps to bring this down. The trick is that movement makes our muscles work, which helps with different ways of taking in more of that glucose. The result is a smaller blood sugar spike and actually continuing to feel good (long) after you have eaten.

The type of movement can be whatever and doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Honestly, an active round of cleaning up or dancing with your child will do the trick too. It is a very easy thing to get done and you’ll be thankful afterwards.

5. General habits for “Health hygiene”

What I mean with “Health Hygiene” are the habits we all know will benefit us, like sleep, food and movement.

On the one hand I didn’t feel like including these habits in this article, because duh. On the other hand, they can’t lack on this list because they make a huge difference to my general wellbeing.

So, here we go. The key “Health hygiene” habits with more detail, and how I have turned them into habits:

• Sleeping enough - never going to bed past 22:30 sets the boundary and keeps my average night’s sleep in check.

• Eating fruits & veggies - making sure each meal has at least one fruit or veggie on the plate. Vitamins, minerals and fibers, and your gut will thank you.

• Hydrating well - starting the day with two glasses of water and always taking a glass of water when leaving, makes sure that I have a good baseline of hydration regardless of what the rest of my day looks like.

• Walking - 20 minutes walking, as a minimum per day, with no question about it. Sometimes it means taking a metro stop earlier or parking my car further away to “force” some steps. On other days, it is a walk around the block (doing it after a meal means hitting two birds with one stone).

My final tip to actually manage incorporating new habits

If you have a difficult time implementing habits, I have one tip: rather than following the 30-day principle*, focus on implementing something once a week. Experience how it feels. Positive effects will create the inherent pull to continue. Once that starts, you can try to be a little better every day. Before you know it, you’ll have a habit in place. This approach also prevents falling off the bandwagon if you miss your new habit once, as you’re not going at it with a “make it or break it” attitude. Honestly, it is never that black and white, and that way of thinking can be really detrimental!

*a well-known theory that doing something for 30-days straight will form it as a non-questionable habit

That’s a wrap 💌

As these habits don’t cost a thing, I would argue that you have nothing to lose by giving them a try. For me, these habits have really been making a noticeable difference, larger than what I have (ever) experienced by taking costly supplements.

What are your thoughts? Are you willing to give them a shot, or do you have free habits you swear by?

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This piece is a collaboration between Mom does Pilates and How It Happens.

Inspired by each other’s workout routines, we wanted to explore how the two modes of running and Pilates could complement each other when time and brain space is limited. Read on for our take on how to get race-ready, the nutrition and mindset to make it all happen - plus Sanne shares the three pilates movements that every runner needs to add to your training schedule.

Meet

Hey, I’m Connie, I’m a busy working toddler mum based in the UK. Since having my son four years ago, I’ve transformed my health by falling in love with movement, learning to fuel my body and challenging my own beliefs about what it means to take care of myself and my family. I’ve done it all while juggling a corporate career, parenting and studying to become a registered nutritionist. Now I write about it all over on How It Happens, where I chat mindset, movement and nutrition with a healthy dose of reality.

Right now I’m training for my first half marathon - in this piece we’ll be diving into how I’m preparing in the run up to race day

Meet

Hey! My name is Sanne, and you can find my writing on Mom does Pilates. When I became a mother, I left my corporate career to follow my passion of Pilates. While I am still home with my son, I have also finalized my Pilates education and am now teaching as a third-generation Pilates teacher in Stockholm. I love working with prenatal and postpartum women, and helping mothers feel good and strong in their bodies again.

What I love about Pilates is that it is a gentle workout that encompasses body and mind. Everybody is able to do it and benefit from it. The benefits will go beyond your body, and the control and precision will follow in other areas of your life too.

This is the view I will take in reviewing Connie’s preparation for her big race.

Connie: How I’m fueling my body for my first half marathon

The internet would have you think that the most important part of running is having all the cool gear - but I really believe a runner is nothing without the right fuel to keep us going. I’ve learnt a lot in my studies about the nutrition we need to support our bodies through endurance exercise, but I’m also learning a lot from putting the theory into practice. Here’s how I’m thinking about eating to give myself the power and energy I need to train and help protect myself from future injury.

• Pre-run: For training sessions longer than an hour or so, I aim to eat something carby around 30 minutes before I set out. Carbs are your body’s preferred energy source, so having some quick release carbs moving through your body gives you fuel to draw on as your muscle glycogen (stored energy) begins to deplete. On race day, I’ll make sure I eat a normal breakfast first thing and then have a snack before we get started. My ‘go to’ at the moment is rice cakes with honey or a banana - something my tummy will happily digest without leaving me feeling too full while I’m running.

• While running: You don’t really need to fuel during shorter distances because your body can get by on the energy you already have available, but since I’m running a half marathon I’ll need to decide a fueling strategy to keep me topped up as my muscle glycogen and pre-race fuel runs out. I’m testing out a few approaches as I train, but it’s likely I’ll take a 25g carb gel every 30-40 minutes (2-3 gels in total) and I’m also exploring salt tablets which are important to balance hydration when sweating a lot. Small sips of water throughout are also key.

• Post-run: While my appetite is usually non-existent immediately after I finish a run, I do try to eat something because my body needs more fuel (namely protein and carbs) to aid recovery and muscle regeneration. Usually this looks like a protein shake within 30 mins from finishing, because it’s easy to prep and I can manage it even if I’m not hungry. Then, I’ll eat something else a little later - like some yoghurt with granola and fruit or some wholegrain toast. Depending on the time of day, sometimes I’ll just go straight into my next meal rather than adding in a snack.

• The rest of the week: It’s not just what you eat on training days that matters. Throughout the week it’s really important to eat a balanced diet with all the major food groups accounted for (this is generally a good rule for life, FYI). I aim to eat every 3-4 hours, which looks like three balanced meals and a snack each day. For every meal I follow the plate building approach - a quarter of the plate should be protein, a quarter is complex carbs and half of the plate is fruits and vegetables. I add a thumb size amount of healthy fats sometimes. This helps keep my energy levels balanced and fulfilled throughout the week, and gives my body the fuel I need to run, rest and recover.

Sanne’s take

Obviously Connie’s knowledge about nutrition is superior than mine, as she is literally studying it. However, I can look at it with a Pilates view.

The Pilates principle on nutrition is simple: “Eating only enough food to restore the ‘fuel’ consumed by the body”, as said by Joseph Pilates. In other words: you should only eat what you need.

I find this one of the more difficult principles to cover, as I never want to advocate eating too little. At the same time, this principle literally means eating for what your body needs, which is something I don’t think many can argue with as reasonable. In Connie’s case this principle means that most likely more fuel is needed rather than less. The intense work she puts on her muscles (& mind!), requires the right nutrition to make it possible.

Connie clearly takes this seriously. She is not opting out of meals which would benefit her performance or recovery, even if she doesn’t really feel like it. Simultaneously, she has what I consider to be the perfect combined mindset on food: being mindful about what she puts in her body while not overthinking it. Eating shouldn’t be a whole thing, and sometimes it is just what it is. Overthinking food can lead to over- or undereating, and neither is good for us. Rather, try to stay aligned with your body through the meal and base your portions and nutrition on that.

Connie: How I’m making recovery part of my training plan

I’m a toddler mum with a busy corporate job, studying for a masters on the side, so when I add in a full running programme I’ll be the first to admit that I have less time than I’d like for rest. I know I should be doing more strength work to protect my body, but it is what it is right now! Here’s the bare minimum I do instead to give myself at least a half decent shot at recovery.

• I respect rest days. If there’s no run on the programme I don’t add one in for fun, I’ll sometimes do a strength or a stretching class but most of the time I don’t plan a workout at all. More strength work would be beneficial but I’ve got to be realistic about my time. Besides that, I live an active lifestyle so I easily get 10-15k steps on a normal day, so I count that as active recovery.

• I try to sleep as best I can! I could really do with working on my sleep hygiene (like banning screens before bed…) but I do at least get to bed and wake up at roughly similar times each day. I’ll aim to be asleep by 10:30pm and my alarm goes off at 5:30am so I can fit in some stuff I want to do before I have to switch into parent mode (like writing for Substack, studying or working out). In an ideal world I’d get to bed a bit earlier, but I aim to be realistic about how busy my life is and try not to let it stress me out.

• I’m doing my best to take care of my muscles. I’ve recently become much better acquainted with my foam roller - I hate doing it but I bribe myself into getting it done by habit stacking, which looks like rolling out while I watch an episode of something with my husband in the evenings. (Celebrity Traitors has just started again in the UK and we are obsessed!) On extra achey muscle days, I use a muscle roll-on with magnesium and arnica included - I find it makes a huge difference in soreness and twitchiness overnight, it honestly feels like magic.

Sanne’s take

Here, my hot take can come in (🙃🙃): Perhaps adding some Pilates? I have said it before, and will say it again: Pilates can seriously benefit both performance and recovery.

Connie is training for an extremely intense physical achievement: running half a marathon. That’s 21KM people!! 13 miles! This requires massive amounts of concentration, stamina, and a connection between the body and mind.

PIlates can help on these aspects. The routine should perhaps be seen more as a mental exercise than a physical one. My line of teaching is from Romana, who advocated that “control” was the most important Pilates principle, besides strength and stretching. The reason is, that control means both engagement of the body and mind. The one who has control of their mind, can achieve anything. Adding Pilates in your routine can help to strengthen your mind, to enhance your endurance and to become hyper aware of how you move your body.

Besides this, I really appreciate that Connie generally respects her rest and her sleep (of course within the boundaries of what us parents can dream of). In Pilates, we normally don’t want to fatigue our muscles too much. That is of course inherently opposed to running a marathon, but at least it should be countered with enough restoration time.

In order to take additional care of her muscles, I would suggest adding dry brushing. Joseph PIlates actually suggested using a brush without a handle so you really have to “twist and turn”, though a long-handled brush will do too. It is an easy addition to our daily shower, thus not adding anything extra on the list, and the blood flow will help with lymphatic drainage and muscle restoration.

Connie: Everything else I’m thinking about (except the running!)

Running is a mental game as much as a physical one, so I’m also thinking really hard about the mindset I need to get me through my runs. In practice, that looks like testing out what works best for me and what makes running feel actually good. Here are a few things that I’ve found help keep me going when things feel tough:

• Playing to my strengths. I’m an early bird, so wherever possible I get out and run first thing in the morning - it’s when I have the most energy naturally and it also minimises the chances that my run will get pushed aside for another priority (like a busier day at work or an unexpected early nursery pick up). But one of the biggest benefits is that it gives me a much smaller window to overthink and psych myself out before a run - I get out of the house as soon as I can so that the negative self-talk that comes up with a million excuses not to go doesn’t get a look in.

• Knowing what keeps me going. I would love to be someone that’s stoic enough to run in silence (because isn’t being a mum just being overstimulated all of the time?) But I’ve worked out that I need something to distract me right now so I always have something playing in my ears. My headphones of choice are the Shokz OpenDots 2 - the battery life alone is reason to get them! On long runs, I like a fun podcast to keep me entertained (The Rest Is Entertainment and Shameless never miss) and for shorter tempo or interval runs I search on Spotify for a playlist tracking at my fastest pace so I have a good beat to run to. I recently ran my fastest ever 5km powered by this random 5:20 running pace playlist, it was a good one! For conversational pace runs, I love this Running Mix for upbeat vibes.

• Coming prepared. You definitely don’t need fancy gear to get running - one of my favourite things about it is that you can do it literally anywhere in whatever trainers you have available to you. It’s one of the lowest barriers to entry of any sport. That being said, I’m definitely finding some favourites that I’ll be bringing with me on race day. The key here is comfort and practicality so I have no distractions - I love the Brooks Adrenaline GTS 25s and crew running socks, I swear by this running vest for keeping bits handy and I always run in these CRZ butterluxe biker shorts. Nothing fancy, just tried and tested favourites that do the job and make me feel great!

Sanne’s suggested Pilates exercises for runners:

Even if a full Pilates routine would not fit Connie’s schedule, these three exercises will generally help her in preparation for half a marathon.

Craving more?

How It Happens

Nine things I’ve stopped doing to feel better

This is How It Happens, where we talk mindset, movement, healthy habits and nutrition, all with a decent dose of reality. If you’re a busy working woman wanting to take better care of yourself …

Read more

a month ago · 121 likes · 33 comments · Connie Murray

Motherhood has this crazy concept build in that somehow it becomes equally easier and harder every day. Until very recently, I have been on top of my meal game. Proper lunches, wholesome babyfood, new recipes weekly, and compliments all around.

Then my toddler started napping once a day.

My break (yes, I call it a break because it is) became longer but also more needed. Instead of using one nap to cook and the other nap to do something for myself, I took the single nap entirely for me. And I don’t mind it. But somewhere reality also hits. My son’s diet can’t continue existing out of banana-omelet (classic) and sandwiches with liverspread. The adults at the table can equally benefite some change of flavors.

So, it turns out, this Weekly Snack is coming in perfect timing for me.

, a Stockholm-based certified nutritionist, has collected three different recipes for three different types of mothers.

Wherever you are in this motherhood journey, there should be a recipe fitting for you. And don’t worry; these recipes are actually manageable and don’t require specific ingredients or strangely complicated instructions (ottolenghi, if you’re reading 👀).

Hi, I’m Amanda, behind Low Effort High Standard.

I’ve been through pregnancy, postpartum and breastfeeding twice, and I’m a certified nutrition advisor who runs a household with two little ones (7m & 3y) along with my man who works a ridiculous amount right now. I’ve done the trial and error of feeding myself during these years, so you don’t have to.

I’m genuinely inspired to be guest-writing this article. Because, building households and prioritizing body-mind strength can be done at the same time. And, honestly. Now when I’m doing it - I can’t understand how I did it any other way before.

Time is a luxury these days. So to be able to build and maintain a strong mind and body, here’s a Low Effort High Standard-cheat sheet with three different recipes, one to fit each type of mother.

1. Postpartum moms

This dish will give you a warm, calming hug from the inside and feed your body with protein, carbs and the warm liquid it craves after giving birth.

Creamy chicken noodle soup

• 500g diced chicken thighs

• 1 onion, chop in quite large pieces

• 2 garlic cloves

• redcurry paste 2 tbsp

• 400ml coconut milk

• 200ml water

• 1 cube of chicken dry chicken broth

• some grated ginger

• 80g rice noodles

• Salt, pepper

Pan fry the chicken, add veggies, then red curry paste, and then coconut milk, vegetable-stock, ginger, salt and pepper. Simmer for 25 min or until the chicken is 74 degrees celsius. Add your choice of noodles, let simmer under the lid for 3 minutes. Serve with chopped spring onion and coriander. Perfect for the freezer and fridge as well as eating immediately.

2. Busy moms

A big batch you can meal prep, and every will love!

Fried Rice

• Leftover rice (I always cook more than I need, to be able to make this dish).

• For the egg blend:

  • 3 eggs

  • 2 tbsp mushroom soy

  • 1 tbsp fish sauce

  • 1 tbsp chinkiang vinegar

  • 1 tsp sesame oil

• 2 carrots

• 1 onion

• frozen green peas

• your choice of protein (crumbled tofu/ minced beef/ minced chicken)

Whisk all ingredients in the eggblend, set aside. Chop all veggies, small pieces and fry in a pan for 5 minutes. Add your protein, then rice. Finally, add the eggs and fry for 3 minutes. Top with chopped spring onion.

3. Moms that started working out

Let’s fuel up that body and frontload on protein. It will make you feel full for longer and help gain muscles.

Overnight cookie dough oats:

• 4 dl oats

• 2 tbsp vanilla proteinpowder

• 3 tbsp peanutbutter

• pinch of salt

• 5-6 dl milk of choice

• 3 tbsp chia seeds

• 1,5 dl vanilla Greek yogurt

• 3 blueberries

• 2 tbsp chocolate chips

• 2 tbsp honey/sweetener of choice

Mix all ingredients except biscuits & chocolate chips. Set aside in the fridge overnight. Stir in chocolate chips in the morning.

Craving more?

I have to be honest. I once drafted a Substack note about how I love this place because nobody will pull up a “What I Eat In A Day”. Yet here I am, writing an article about my own week of foods.

When the thought popped up, I hesitated. Do people actually care? Then I realized, I would care. In fact, I would love to see what other women in similar or different phases of life are actually eating. We all have gained our own experiences along the way, and together we are probably sitting on a goldmine of useful information.

I used to struggle a lot with eating “normally”. For me, there have been periods of trying to eat as little as possible. Other times, strict diets and food-rules were used to control myself. On top of that, I have PCOS and want to eat in a way that supports my blood sugar and hormones.

It’s been trial and error, but I feel like I have reached a place where I am happy with my diet (in the non-diet expression of the word). Especially, because eating has become something that just is. No complicated food rules, eliminations or obsession. Instead, eating in a way that makes me feel good and without the constant food noise.

So what do I actually eat?

Frankly, it’s not rocket science and I would like to call it a combination of intuition and ratio. The one concept I follow is to eat according to my actual hunger & fullness cues. This is a practice from the Pilates routine, where Joseph Pilates rooted for not eating more than required. It is also something I have observed from living in France for years, and concluded is the reason the French can actually eat whatever they like.

It is also good to note the following points:

• I am a vegetarian. Though not principally against eating animal products, I have a hard time with non-ecological products and the whole idea of it. Although I know the science says many things, my conviction is that while breastfeeding, some animal products are good for me. Thereby, in order to get important nutrients, I do occasionally drink bone broth and bone marrow (eco & grass-fed is a non-negotiable!)

• As said, I have PCOS/PMOS, and my blood sugar spikes a lot. I try to eat in line with this, which mainly means limiting sugar and sweeteners.

What you shouldn’t expect

Don’t expect this overview to narrate a similar daily schedule of foods or perfectly curated plates. My days are different and so is my appetite. And honestly, I don’t understand how people actually make food look good on a photo.

What you can expect

Time stamps. Unpolished situations. Real food. Eating with one hand or forgetting to eat at all. Solo-evenings with girl dinners. Elaborate lunches and sandwiches on the go. You get the drift. Let’s go!

Monday

Baby woke up eeearly and mom slept horrible aka super hungry. Giving in to what and the amount I crave, but using my ratio to do so.

06:15: crackers with peanut butter & banana + matcha with pea milk (One of the few good non-dairy alternatives in my view. Occasionally I will take oatmilk as well. Not principally against regular milk, but I have not yet found ecological milk I support in Sweden.)

07:22: I am still HUNGRY. Yoghurt with goji berries and an extra scoop of natural protein powder to hopefully cut the cravings

12:16: perfect sourdough buns always hit the spot for me. Living close to a bakery, I’ve been turning to sandwiches for lunch often. For me, cottage cheese-tomato “Caprese” and good-old avocado toast can never go wrong

17:42: cup of bone broth during bath time

18:08: my all-time favorite yellow lentil Dahl (so easy and delicious!!!)

Tuesday

No breakfast today, but two cups of Matcha and an apple, before heading out to a cute play cafe with a mom-friend.

12:31: hungry when I got home, and wanted to have something easy but filling. With nothing prepared, I decided to opt for a hearty oatmeal with parmesan and avocado

12:56: I was still hungry and added a dessert & funky drink to the lunch party

• yoghurt and homemade peanut butter cups (and the real treat: time to Substack)

• coconut water with lime (for those in Sweden, these drinks are sold at regular supermarkets and are like carbonated coconut water without any added sugars. HIGHLY recommend)

18:00: roasted vegetables-falafel bowl (forgot to take a picture of this chef’s special, but it was good!)

Wednesday

10:21: a mom-friend and I had made plans to go to the farm with our kids, so my breakfast was a homemade cheese sandwich on the go (I did have a latte earlier in the morning)

13:03: cauliflower and cottage cheese bowl with left-over roasted veggies from dinner the night before

13:11: yoghurt with goji berries and tahini (I’m laughing at the timestamp of this photo, because I clearly downed my lunch and then went for dessert haha).

15:51: AG1 vitamin drink (I am a really big fan of this. Although I know it is often scrutinized, I generally feel better when drinking it + I notice a huge difference on my skin (more glowing) and hair (fuller))

17:00: I was teaching this evening, so an early and easy dinner for me with a leftover bowl of yellow lentil Dahl

Thursday

08:07: I was craving banana pancakes, so decided to whip out the baking in the morning. Instead of Syrup I added “Molasse”.

12:14: “veggie-kebab”-cottage cheese-salad bowl with a side of sauerkraut for the gut

12:37: “chocolate milk”, made with a spoon of raw cocao powder, a scoop of protein powder & oatmilk to mix

18:00: black kale & Burrata pasta (no picture of this dinner, but it is one of my favorite simple dishes!)

Friday

08:10: left-over banana pancakes with peanutbutter-yoghurt spread prior to teaching

11:30: munched a sandwich between teaching a class and taking a class, and forgot to picture it (I don’t think you’re missing out)

17:59: Greek salad, homemade Yucca fries and grilled Salmon (confession: I have been getting the ick from fish and didn’t actually touch it. Instead I added a lot more feta cheese to the meal and made-do!)

Saturday

07:22: started the day with an Orzo latte and yoghurt with apple-bites

13:04 : left over Greek salad with potatoes and hummus (delicious lunch)

13:27: my (almost) daily dose of AG1

19:30: take-out, as we were home late after meeting a friend. Forgot to picture, but opted for a Halloumi salad. (I’m not the biggest fan of traditional takeout, like pizza or burgers, as it doesn’t make me feel better afterwards. When we do take out, I normally opt for something healthier, but can still hit the spot of a cheeky meal. Besides, the real joy is in not having to cook nor clean anyway)

Sunday

No breakfast again, but had my usual lattes (Matcha & Orzo)

13:32 - delicious homemade falafel salad with oat-rice and avocado

18:38 - it was another solo evening, and I could indulge in a “girl dinner” with two bowls of sweet potato soup and a cracker with Swedish “Skagen”. (Secretly I can really enjoy these evenings, anyone else?? My partner and I did long-distance for a long time, and I thrived on simple dinners by myself. Getting back to that now and then is exactly what I want)

19:16 - Baobab “chocolate” milk

Conclusion

Overall, I will stand by eating what you feel like while continuing to use your brain. If you’re only craving cookies, maybe should try to add some vegetables. If you’re very hungry, try to top your protein intake. Be creative with animal products if they are not your thing and you do believe you need some.

One thing I will stand by, however, is that the most important point is to trust your hunger and fullness cues.

One of the ways my food-diary shows this is my breakfast. I know the (current) advice is to have a protein-rich breakfast 30 minutes within waking. However, I find that on some days I either don’t feel like breakfast, while on other days breakfast leaves me hungrier than before. Whatever the situation, I try to tap into my body and what it actually needs. Sometimes it is not having breakfast, sometimes it is a late breakfast or early lunch.

We all have different bodies, different lives and different routines. Perhaps our diets should show the same.

Want to continue reading?

Still part of the pre-internet generation, I consider myself lucky to not have had social media when I was a teen (honestly, I feel like the current teen-generation is just falling in the mud and my heart goes out for the kids and parents dealing with it). Yet, even by having social media since adolescence, certain “truths” had inhibited my mind.

Becoming a mom lifted the curtain to these influencer parroted myths. And honestly, I am happy it did. Since changing my thoughts on the below, absolutely nothing changed, yet everything changed. What I mean by that is that I didn’t suddenly stop moving or gain 100 pounds, yet my whole approach to health, wellness and simply feeling confident and good in my body was swopped upside down.

1. You must always, in some way, restrict your way of eating (i.e. “no carbs” “high protein” “low fat”)

Taking care of my body while pregnant was an act of love. It was not only directed at baking my son the best I could, it was also about taking care of my body the best way possible for the biggest physical achievement one can endure: labour.

Practically this meant eating in a way that was a combination of intuition and ratio. I knew having loads of sugar would not be good for my baby, so I set a limit on that. At the same time I trusted my body and respected its urges of hunger. How could I not? Knowing that it was growing and building a human being. It meant letting go of tracking my food and different “food-rules” (I don’t even remember which ones I was following at that time, but I expect low-carb high protein was the one).

This type of thinking about food in terms of combining intuition and ratio got reinforced by introducing food to my son. No thinking about calories or keto, but nourishment, health and pleasure.

Feeding your child provides such an objective view of what you consider healthy eating habits. On my side, I don’t de-prioritize or over-prioritize certain foods anymore. It didn’t feel right during pregnancy, and I wouldn’t do it for my child, so why would I do it for myself in a “normal” state of being?

2. You must keep your routine, or else…

Through my entire adolescence, I have been working out continuously. Honestly, always with much pleasure and a big passion, otherwise I would obviously not continue pushing as a Pilates teacher. YET there was this “doom” cloud that if I would leave too many days between my workouts I might lose it all and fall into an “Alice hole of laziness” and never get back.

During my pregnancy my most important duty was making my baby the most healthy and stress-free baby ever. When I didn’t feel like working out the first months, I simply couldn’t, afraid of doing something harmful to the nugget that was growing inside me.

It meant I didn’t do a workout for months.

This would have scared me before, afraid to never workout ever again. But it was all a lie. I didn’t end up glued on the couch with a bag of chips. Eventually, my body started craving movement naturally when the time was ripe again.

After birth, the control of your schedule is in the hands of someone else. You might plan your week and carefully craft in time for working out, but then life happens. One doesn’t plan the flu, a jump or bad nights. Prior to becoming a mom, a change in schedule would have meant pushing myself at the dawn of day or wake of night. But frankly, as a mother, taking care of your baby and yourself is more important.

Contrary to what the “fitfluencers” chant, changing routines won’t make you lose the will to workout and you will get back to what feels good when life gives the opportunity again.

3. Your looks are the most important thing about you

Even though the way we look is close to irrelevant in the ‘real world’, social media centered around images has made our “looks” take an unreasonable amount of space in our lives.

Nobody raises a brow when hearing of spending time and money on eyebrows, nails, lashes and botox, on top of make-up, skincare and diets.

Like many others, my Instagram contained influencers providing tips on “glowing up”, making sure I kept on chasing the ever moving beauty standard.

Then I became a mother and it all just felt so irrelevant.

On the one hand I was growing a human, which is obviously the most special thing one can do. On the other hand, it had been done millions of times and was happening right this second. I got this strong sense that we are all just pieces of stardust with limited time to shine. Spending that time caring overly much about how one looks is nothing more than galactic waste.

Besides, having a child makes you open your eyes to what is important and which values count.

My son will never love me more for having a forehead without wrinkles or lipstick stained lips. It is my duty to raise a good human being, with well-rounded interest and respect of people. Thereby, I don’t want my son to ever think that his looks, or the looks of someone else, is their most valuable trait. I hope to teach him to respect himself by taking care of his body by movement and nourishment that is supporting his life.

Final thoughts

Motherhood changes you in many ways. It makes you reconsider accepted standards. Writing a full list about how motherhood has changed me would probably become a series. Work, friendship, measurement of success, personal style, I can keep on going.

I realize that what is written in this article is not the most meaningful way I changed as a person. Yet, perhaps that’s the important part. Because letting go of these seemingly minor convictions created a lot of space in my life and mind.

I’ve written about it before and will probably write about it again: life is too short to let others dictate how to live it.

Want to continue reading?

I’m a mother and a Pilates teacher.

I love the practice of Pilates, especially for mothers postpartum.

I know that asking time from mothers postpartum is difficult. You’ve just finished the creation of a human. You’re tired. There is a lot of laundry. Kids need food all the time^,, whether breastfeeding or otherwise. It is not strange that working out is not at the top of your list when finally finding some alone time.

But, perhaps this is precisely why I fell in love with the Pilates routine. Because not only is the workout very effective, and energizes your body instead of depleting it, it is also a routine with benefits well beyond the mat.

Personally I am happy to get 2-3 times of Pilates in per week. Yet, I practice it everyday. It makes me feel good in my body, both in the way it looks as well as how it feels.

How? Let’s skip the longer intro, and let’s dive right into the ways I let Pilates work for me well beyond my hour on the mat.

Muscle engagement

Especially as moms, we use our muscles a lot (sorry not sorry, but I was not lifting 10kg multiple times a day prior to having kids).

We are picking up and carrying our babies throughout the day.

As you’ll know from my previous article, putting your mind to your muscle, can make a huge difference. Consciously engaging your muscles makes the mommy-task an exercise in itself. You’ll be building defined strength while taking care of your baby.

Posture

Posture is a well known benefit of Pilates and almost always a direct outcome. Being aware of your posture works through how you feel in various ways.

• There is a certain confidence with which you’ll move through crowds (which will reflect back on you!).

• It prevents compensating in the body and thereby preventing injuries in general.

• Correct posture means using your muscles in the way you’re meant to, i.e. no hanging against cabinets or in hips, but using your legs, abs, and back muscles to carry your body.

Precision

This is perhaps my favorite Pilates principle. It means being completely aware of your movements, and acting with intention and alignment. When you take this principle off the mat, you’ll create a sense of control and agency in your life, by taking on tasks (no matter how small) and completing them intentionally.

Examples are: putting stuff away after you have used it; drying the sink after washing your hands; closing cabinets after taking something out; straightening your space as you go through. Small actions like these only take a couple of extra seconds but create so much more time and relaxation throughout your life.

Concentration and repetition

The workouts I do are following the original 34 exercises by Joseph Pilates. Prior to starting my classical study, this would have sounded like absolute horror to me. It would be so boring, my mind would drift off and I just could not imagine liking the Same. Thing. Over. And. Over. Again.

Look at me now: whenever I do a Pilates routine, I can’t help myself but go for the same 34 exercises, continuing to perform them with the same concentration and trying to push myself to be better each time.

There is a super power in being able to withstand “boring” tasks and continuing to putt effort into doing them. You’ll probably notice you’ll come to enjoy them and will feel energized as a result of it.

(I feel this one counts especially being a SAHM. Hello never-ending tasks. Simone de Beauvoir literally compared it torture, which is something I would NEVER say, but haha, there is something about the repetition to which she has a point).

Maintaining my horse

I like to think of the brain as the Horse and the Rider. The Horse is the Reptilian brain, the hindbrain and midbrain that act on instinct. The Rider is the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that makes decision and overrides acting purely on instincts.

Our society is filled with overconsumption. It requires impulse control and stamina to withstand the constant flow of foods, consumer goods, and attention grabbers (hello notifications and social media).

Staying in line with the symbol: our Rider needs to be strong.

Pilates teaches a certain discipline that strengthens the Rider and helps navigate the world of so (sooo) much abundance. I have only myself to count on to say no sometimes, and I have found, that discipline does help me maintain a state of being where I feel most comfortable.

Lengthening the spine

While writing this, I noticed I was sitting slouched forward. The simple reminder of it made me sit up straight, and lengthen my sides and spine.

We want to continue to create length in our spine to make sure the tissue in-between our vertebrae doesn’t become squeezed, and we develop injuries such as hernia.

Becoming aware of lengthening your spine will let you follow up continuously, and normally leads to engaging your abdominals and core (win).

Eating for fuel

Joseph Pilates believed that we should only eat the amount of food that are body truly needs. It is a concept I try to follow on my regular daily basis. Considering what your body truly needs means eating enough but not overeating. It is finding the sweetspot of being comfortably sufficient / full. This principle has helped me tremendously with food noise in the way that I keep my hunger in check as well as trust my body when needing more.

Taking care of my body

Believe it or not, but ‘cleanness’ was something written about in the original Pilates description. There is text about scrubbing (ideally a brush without a handle) and keeping the pores clean. This part translates to me to taking care of my body by dry brushing and oiling. There are various benefits, both inside and outside:

• Literally taking care of the truest to myself: my body

• Exfoliation for smoother skin

• Blood flow and circulation

• Lymphatic massage: smoothening the puffiness and water retention

Besides these benefits, I enjoy the meditative aspect of it. In that way it is also a combination of the principle of precision and maintaining a “boring” task and finding the joy out of it.

There we have it.

These are the ways in which my 2-3 times of Pilates per week actually pays of much more. There are daily practices, principles and reminders, to keep my mind and body in check. The goal is always to feel good and confident.

In this way, Pilates is much more than a workout routine. Continuing the principles off the mat will make it worth its time in ten-fold (minimum) .

Want to continue reading?

This week, my Pilates heart is beating a little faster for this interview. Sarah has the years of experience in teaching that I can only dream of. Her photo on the Cadillac from years ago is just beautiful and she is clearly very very talented.

Besides that, Sarah is a seasoned mother. Her children have grown to teenagers. Sometimes it feels like we lack teenage moms in the Momstack corner (please say hi if you are one), and it is so refreshing to hear how different her days are. Though not less chaotic.

I can’t stop think about her statements that are just so TRUE and applicable!

• Find movement that makes you feel connected to your body rather than punished by it.

• Take the vacation the minute someone offers you help

• [Whatever the situation…] The kids will be okay

Sarah feels like someone who has lived through more and is so much wiser for it. What is it about moms that can instantly make you feel better? 👀. Overall the interview captures the feeling of wellness, but with such a sense of “realness” to it. I hope you enjoy!!

What is your name and what is your Substack all about?

I’m so happy and honored to be here! My name is Sarah Sligh.

I’m still figuring out what my Substack is about. Movement has always played a huge role in my life, but becoming a mom changed the way I approached and prioritized my 20+ year Pilates career. If I’m honest, becoming a mom changed absolutely everything.

These days, I write about Pilates, motherhood, movement, work, aging, and figuring out who the hell I am somewhere in the middle of all of it. I’ve also been forced to accept and recognize my own neurodivergence, which is frequently misunderstood in the workplace and has contributed to years of masking, burnout, anxiety, and guilt. Especially as I contemplate sending my own offspring out into the wild in a few short years.

Basically, I’m interested in the parts of wellness that don’t fit neatly into a “wellness” aesthetic.

If you would describe your lifestyle in three words, what would it be?

• Chaos

• Acceptance

• Curiosity

What is the type of exercise you recommend in general and for women postpartum?

Pilates. Obviously.

More importantly, I recommend finding movement that makes you feel connected to your body rather than punished by it.

Especially postpartum, I think women deserve to be given permission to rebuild strength and confidence without feeling like they need to “bounce back” to anything.

Last workout you did?

I did Pilates twice today!

About thirty minutes of stretching on the Ladder Barrel and Cadillac this morning, then I went through the 45-minute Athletic Group Reform class I programmed later in the day to make sure it flowed smoothly before teaching my evening classes.

Yes, I actually test-drive my own workouts. Occupational hazard.

What are nutritional values you swear by?

Real ingredients with nutritional purpose, but everything in moderation.

I’m not refusing birthday cake, drive-thru on a road trip, or a cocktail with my girlfriends. Life is too short to be morally opposed to cake.

No gatekeeping!! What is your favorite ritual that makes you feel better?

1. Journaling before my kids wake up.

2. Confirming the accuracy of our daily calendar I constantly update with handwritten, color-coded Post-it notes for the day ahead. Probably my most unhinged trait.

3. Our morning routine: I never want my kids to feel rushed in the morning. They might start obscenely early, but I try to make them fun and easy with music, timers, and visual to-do lists. Yes, they are teenagers and yes, we still use visual to-do lists.

What would you tell a mother postpartum who is just not feeling it?

It’s okay if you don’t enjoy every minute of motherhood.

You will probably feel lonely sometimes. You probably need a vacation. And your baby will NOT remember if you take that vacation without them.

Take the fucking vacation the minute someone offers you help. (!!!)

Your babies are going to be okay. Even IF they refuse veggies for a while, stay up too late, act “weird” (especially if they act “weird”), and don’t sleep through the night by five weeks old. Repeat it with me…”the kids will be okay”

Most recent purchase that falls within the wellness / lifestyle sphere?

Joining Substack and finding people like you and subscribing to other humans I can relate to. Honestly.

Sarah Sligh

Movement, motherhood, masking. A neurodivergent Pilates instructor living life inside the modern wellness industry while navigating a wellness journey of my own.

By Pilates(ish) posts

What did you have for breakfast today?

Nothing, and I definitely regretted it.

The mornings are pretty chaotic with two teens at two different schools:

• 6:15 a.m. out the door to get my son to Cross Country practice each morning

• 7:20 am. out the door with my daughter for school

• 8:15 am. my son needs to be picked up from practice, shower and get ready for school to be dropped back off by 9:00.

• 9:15 am. I “leisurely” stroll into work no later than 9:15 to prepare for my first client of the day.

Somehow, I get myself ready every morning while driving circles around the city, and coworkers constantly comment on how “lucky” I am to work such “convenient” hours.

What did motherhood teach you?

That loving your children deeply and occasionally wanting to sit in your car alone in complete silence can, in fact, coexist.

And the true meaning of unconditional love. No other human being in this entire world could wake me up with a “stomach egg” at 4 a.m ever again.

Anything else I missed that you would love to share?

I think there’s a version of wellness that can become another thing women feel pressured to be good at.

I’m interested in something a little more honest:

• moving your body because it feels good

• eating food that actually nourishes you

• taking care of yourself without turning self-care into another job

• admitting that sometimes your wellness ritual is Pilates and journaling—or possibly, sitting in your car eating something you absolutely did not plan to eat while trying to remember where you parked.

That’s probably what I’m trying to figure out with my Substack, too.

Craving more?

It was one of those afternoons where the baby was sleeping and I found myself swiping through Instagram before getting up and doing something useful (I normally give myself 5 minutes of unlimited scrolling before rolling of the couch and getting on with it). Nothing caught my interest, until.

It was a video of a woman talking in the camera. It was not per se the reel that was interesting; it was what she was saying. Her monologue was about how you shouldn’t let yourself get fat because it will hinder you in achieving anything else. The claim: once you are fat, you will pretty much always have one project ongoing (losing weight) hindering any dedication you could put on another project.

Before anyone could accuse her of fat-shaming, she said something that was ultimately what caught my interest (and let me to writing this article). She said something in the sense of: “don’t accuse me of fat-shaming, because your fat is not my fat. You decide your fat, I decide mine”.

The quote stuck with me. “Your fat is not my fat”. It made me think. Consider.

I thought she had a point.

Because somehow we have come to a society where we try to objectify clearly subjective concepts: Fat, fit, hot, beautiful, attractive. The list goes on.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder

Whenever I am at the beach, I am surprised by the amount of attractive women I see. Not because women aren’t beautiful, but because not everyone I consider attractive actually looks like what I meant to feel is attractive (i.e. skinny-toned, without wrinkles, no make-up or “care” about her looks, yet perfect skin and oddly voluminous hair).

Instead, I can admire the bodies that clearly don’t follow a strict regime, boobs that hang slightly after breastfeeding or due to age, and I am not at all triggered by cellulite as the amount of available creams make me believe to be.

Similarly, I can be in awe of older women, with their grey hair and wrinkles and the big “F” up to what society told them.

Women eating with appetite or one of those cool girls training for a marathon!!

Okay, let’s stop it. This article is not about all the ways I find women beautiful and attractive (lol - if it was a man writing this, but I come with good intentions!).

What I am trying to get to is that the clearly subjective definition of beauty is somehow made an objective standard. Yet, the reality is so different from that.

The perfect standard

I am sure not everyone would like the interior style I have gone for at home. The same goes for my leather jacket. For my book collection. Or my favorite color. The list goes on.

There are many things we are so comfortable with, having different tastes about. Yet, somehow the standard of beauty is meant to be set.

Surely some of you are now thinking: “but not all of the Standards of beauty are the same. After all, we have the “skinny-chic”, the Instagram face, or the Kardashian body”. I get it, the standard ranges slightly. But, nobody can deny that in all the standards, the common thread is perfectionism and a lack uniqueness.

Somehow, I can’t imagine that I am the only who does not consider the Instagram face to be what would fit me, in terms of feeling beautiful. Most likely, when we all tap into our senses of what we consider beautiful, it' is very different than what respective glow-up lists prescribe. In fact, most likely your definition of beautiful is different than mine. And my definition of beautiful is different from the next reader’s.

We all have different definitions on beautiful, and the whole point is we should. Because “beautiful (/attractive, hot, etc.) is a subjective term: it is not measurable and based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, opinions, or experiences rather than external facts.

The Pilates angle

Sometimes, I can feel silly writing about the perception of beauty as a Pilates teacher. Because in today’s society, Pilates has become close to synonym to a certain type of body. Yet, contrary to what popular media makes you believe, the routine created in the early 1900s was never meant for achieving “a Pilates body”, “long lean muscles” or “defined legs”.

Instead, the method has circled around attaining confidence:

“Through the Pilates Method of Body Conditioning this unique trinity of a balanced body, mind and spirit can ever be attained. Self-confidence follows”

[READ HERE for more information about the history of Pilates].

This brings me back to “your fat is not my fat” and “your hot is not my hot”.

In the end, how hot/beautiful/attractive we feel, would normally not come from any alikeness to the “Instagram perfection”. In fact, I would like to argue that the more you try to attain the prescribed standard of beauty, the less confident you will feel.

Instead, feeling beautiful comes from within. The feeling of being satisfied with who you are. What is considered beautiful is unique to all of us, but confidence is always at the root of it.

Ironically, Pilates might be the answer to feeling good about yourself. Not because it will create the body we are told is beautiful, but because of the combination of mental control combined with achieving real strength. Somehow it is the perfect mix for creating durable confidence.

What I am not saying & closing thoughts

I am not saying that we shouldn’t care about what we look like. Especially as women. No man ever gets scrutinized for wanting to lose some pounds (let alone questioned if he’d be supporting diet culture) or preferring pizza over a six-pack (no low-key judgement for choosing to eat carbs and cheese even if he has a belly).

What I am saying is that we should follow the standard of beauty that is inherent to ourselves. One that doesn’t come from tracing generalized “glow-up” lists or made faces. But rather one that is more internally originated than externally validated. One that comes from our place of confidence.

Gaining confidence might be the real trick. How to do so? It would, and should, be a different answer for everyone. When in doubt, I would suggest to try a (classical) Pilates class. But then again, I might be slightly biased ;).

Want to continue reading?

This week we have (aka Tammy) from the Substack . She is a fellow mom, Pilates lover and expat in Scandinavia (but living in Oslo instead of Stockholm like moi).

The key word around the interview is Balance. Because as a mom of 2 under 3, with a finance job, being a Pilates teacher and starting her own business, balance has to be the key word.

My main takeaways?

From exercise to nutrition, Tammy has the foundation for each of the statements. There are tips about which form of exercise is best and why and nutritional values she swears by.

In everything, she is not just speaking about balance but living it.

If you’re like me, it is so fun to peek into the routines of others 👀. So ENJOY!

If you have ideas to share, want to be featured on the Weekend Snack, or have feedback & suggestions, send me a DM or comment 💌 .

I am so open to all ideas in this new format, where we can just have a little bit of fun together!

Leave a comment

What is your name?

Tammy from

…And what is your Substack all about?

It initially started out as a place to write about Pilates and my city life, but the more I wrote about Pilates and wellness, the more I realised there was a bit of a gap.

I’ve just become a mum of two (two under three!), I work full-time in a corporate leadership role in finance, I’m a Pilates instructor, and I’ve also been starting my pilates business. And I kept thinking: where is the Pilates and wellness content for this life?

There’s a lot of wellness advice coming from 20-somethings telling you to wake up at 5am, meditate for 45 minutes, work out for an hour and then journal. I’m sure someone is doing it and that’s great. But it’s just not happening in my house.

So, instead, I write about the intersection of Pilates and wellness with a busy, modern life.

If you would describe your lifestyle in three words, what would it be?

Busy: two kids, no village nearby, a full-time corporate leadership position, teaching Pilates and starting a business… I think that one speaks for itself.

Balanced: most things in life are better in balance; no extremes in food, exercise or lifestyle.

Joy: the funny moments with the kids, working on things I’m passionate about, having a good dinner, enjoying my downtime. I’m actually the most peaceful and happiest I’ve been, despite life probably being the busiest it’s ever been.

What is the type of exercise you recommend in general and for women postpartum?

I won’t tell you that doing Pilates will solve all your problems, but I do think Pilates is one of the best foundations for women, particularly postpartum.

• It’s low impact and focuses on your core, pelvic floor and overall strength: useful form of rehabilitation after pregnancy and birth (once you’ve been cleared to exercise and feel good enough!).

• If you’re dealing with diastasis recti Pilates can be particularly helpful.

• Pilates is also incredibly accessible & adaptable to your needs and mood: at home, on a mat, 20 minutes or one hour, a proper workout or something much more calming. It can fit all your needs.

But I don’t think Pilates should be the only thing you do.

• Strength and resistance training is really important: especially as women postpartum and as we get older. This is especially the case for our bone density, which already gets stripped off by pregnancy and breastfeeding.

• Cardiovascular exercise: for heart health I love adding in the occasional run or bike ride.

• Walking: in my eyes one of the best of the best postpartum exercise and truly accessible to everyone.

To sum it up: Pilates and walking as the foundation, and then gradually adding strength and cardio as your body recovers and you feel up to it.

Last workout you did?

Pilates, obviously! Usually a full-body workout, 20-30 minutes as i like to be efficient! I’m nothing if not on brand.

What are nutritional values you swear by?

Again: balance (there’s a theme here!). I don’t really believe in cutting out entire food groups, and I never have. I don’t think it’s healthy to and I like food too much (grew up in a very foodie household - so much that my parents now live in italy).

The things I focus on:

1. Minimizing is ultra-processed food: Less processed bread, butter, yoghurt etc. (my tip is to get one of those ultra processed food scanning apps, scan your regular consumables and after one or two food shops you’ll know what to get and avoid, you don’t need to walk around scanning every time).

2. Eating seasonally: there’s something very comforting about eating what’s in season, and it tends to be when food tastes best as well.

3. Protein: women need a lot of it, particularly during pregnancy and postpartum. I’m a big fan of easy and natural sources (see Tammy’s Protein grocery list for inspiration!).

4. Vitamin supplements: particularly during pregnancy and breastfeeding, but otherwise I’d rather get my nutrients from things like seeds, eggs and olive oil. Always check if you have any deficiencies though, especially during pregnancy and postpartum!

Basically, I’m interested in healthy eating, but not in making eating healthy a full-time job.

No gatekeeping!! What is your favorite ritual that makes you feel better?

If I’m having a slump, there are two things that almost always make me feel better:

1. Going for a walk

2. Having a bath

But honestly, especially the walk. Fresh air is such a reset for me. Living in Scandinavia has taught me that you go outside regardless of the weather. If it’s raining, put on a raincoat. You will survive. And most likely, you’ll actually feel even better afterwards.

What would you tell a mother postpartum who is just not feeling it?

I think it’s hard to give blanket advice because postpartum can be such a wildly different experience for everyone. But a few things really helped me.

• Walk: even if it’s just around the block. Fresh air and getting your body moving gently can make such a difference.

• Take some time for yourself: this is so hard in those early days, but even handing the baby to your partner and taking a proper shower without rushing can feel incredible. And the baby will be fine. You are allowed to put them down for 20 minutes.

• Nap time is not automatically chore time: sometimes it’s your time to sit down, watch something, read, have a coffee or just stare into space. You can do chores with a baby awake, they love watching what you do anyway.

I was lucky that I didn’t experience postpartum depression, but if you are really struggling, please ask for help <3

Most recent purchase that falls within the wellness / lifestyle sphere?

I don’t know if buying a spa day counts as a purchase, but I’m going to say that!

I booked a spa day and massage at my favourite completely no-phones spa, and it was basically the ultimate switch-off day. It felt like a mini holiday without having to leave overnight.

Honestly, it was heaven and always worth it for me.

What did you have for breakfast today?

My default is a yoghurt or skyr bowl with chia, pumpkin and hemp seeds, almond butter and granola. Sometimes fruit too, although whether the fruit survives long enough to make it into my bowl depends on whether my toddler gets to it first.

And not a very wellness-y answer, but I also love a good pastry (usually a croissant). Balance.

Workout attire tips (brands / looks / how to make it count)?

I’m a big fan of workout clothes that are actually comfortable enough to work out in. Revolutionary, I know.

Usually I’ll wear shorts, a sports bra and a T-shirt, with a sweatshirt if it’s cold. Or a really simple matching set. I tend to gravitate towards black because it makes me feel slightly more put together.

Some brands I like are Organic Basics, Mate the Label and Varley. I like things that feel simple, comfortable and i can layer more ordinary clothes with it.

What did motherhood teach you?

From a work perspective, it has made me much more efficient with my time. Before kids I could procrastinate and faff around quite a lot. Now, if I have 45 minutes, I know exactly what needs to happen and I just get on with it. Time is so so precious now.

Motherhood has also really clarified what matters to me. A happy, healthy family is ultimately what I care about most, and I try not to spend too much energy worrying about the little things that used to seem so important.

It’s also made me much better at being present. There’s a lot going on, but there’s so much joy in it too. And you realise pretty quickly that time and health really is wealth.

Craving more?

What I hope to bring across with this article is how important the mind-body connection is BEYOND enhancing your physical results. Literally, mastering this “small” aspect can bring major benefits in your stress-levels and mental clarity. The virtuous cycle it creates is just “*chefs kiss*.

HOPE you make it through the article and always LOVE to hear what you think!!

(skip through to the main takeaways)

The mind-body WHAT?

Most people have heard about the mind-body connection and know it is a key principle in the Pilates method. BUT, for those who haven’t, here is a short recap:

The mind-body-connection is about being fully aware of the movements you’re making and the muscles you are employing to make those movements.

In practical terms, it means using your brain to connect to the muscles you want to use and really feel the muscles working for you.

Now what do most people get wrong about the mind-body connection?

Too often, the mind-body connection is referred upon as a tool to contract your muscles in a better way and thereby enhance the results.

When used like that, it is often about a tightening XYZ (fill in the blank your society influenced area of insecurity…) or with better intentioned strengthening of certain muscles. But it shoudl be clear that both of these completely miss the point of the original intention of the mind-body connection.

As outlined in a previous essay (an old essay that will get a revamp soon!), a large part of Joseph Pilates’ creation of his routine was to improve mental wellbeing, as much as physical wellbeing. The mind-body connection plays a major part in this.

Joseph Pilates saw that as humans we too often move unconsciously. Clearly not pleased with this, noted by the all-caps used in his book (fyi big up for using all caps), Joe wrote: “IDEALLY OUR MUSCLES SHOULD OBEY OUR WILL”.

In the view of Joe, exercising in the wrong way deteriorates the mind, while exercising in the right way elevates the mind. This is where it gets important: by engaging your brain actively in the movement of your body, you start developing your mind.

Benefits of the mind-body connection

Especially as mothers, our life tends to get hectic (let’s all raise our hands here). Often it can feel like there is literally not enough space in the brain to keep track of all the things to do and remember, let alone to have some space for anything else!! By performing Pilates, however, a sense of clarity is created, with a sensation of lightness that makes the load feel manageable again.

It is due to your brain “lightning up” and being activated. I often joke to my students that Pilates is as much a mental workout as it is a physical one.

That’s not the only benefit though!!

Besides the literal growing of your brain by channeling the mind-body connection and activating the full set of muscles and thereby your full brain, there is another benefit of the mind-body connection: taking control of our actions to prevent the stress generated in our day-to-day lives.

Now compare this to your own life. When we are not moving consciously, with examples of being sloppy in the kitchen, not putting away stuff, leaving cupboards open, walking without intention, etc. etc., there is a stress generated. Whether you are aware of it or not.

On the other hand, being precise in your movements and taking the time to do certain things (literally often takes 10-30 seconds more to perform an act correctly), we keep our calm and can manage stress free (or at least with a little bit less stress hah).

No more autopilot (at least we can try)

The problem is functioning on automatic pilot and not consciously engaging your muscles, leading to sloppy and uncontrolled movements. The ability to control your movements is especially relevant for moms of young children.

Picking up, carrying and feeding your ever heavier baby should not be underestimated. I am SURE your muscles have been growing. At the same time, your days are chaotic, busy and never follow a schedule.

This is all stressful, on our minds and on our bodies. What can help is the ability to engage your muscles consciously and thereby creating a sense of control.

Main take-aways (if you made it this far 👏👏👏)

• The mind-body connection should not be diminished to being only relevant for engaging your muscles better and thereby enhancing your results (whatever those might be)

• The main benefits from the mind-body connection are gained by the mind

• By engaging all your muscles, you engage dormant braincells and thereby expand the mind (You will feel this in having more brain space to keep track of all those lists, chores, birthdays etc. etc. you are “just” expected to remember as a mom)

• Consciously engaging your muscles does not only put you in control of your movements, it also puts you in control of your day.

Important advice from Joseph Pilates for everyone who wants have more clarity and less stress in their daily lives: Do Pilates & “Keep your mind wholly concentrated on the purpose of the exercises as you perform them”. The benefits will extend far beyond your workout, and ultimately isn’t that the whole point?

Let me know what you think!

Leave a comment

Want to continue reading?

Published every weekend, it is like a little snack. No serious meal that needs chewing, digesting. Rather light, highly enjoyable, to take wherever you are. Expect snack-bite interviews, hot takes, day and week routines, and whatever else we might feel fitting.

THIS WEEK

We are running an interview with from The Unfenced Mother. Instantly very warm, she is from France and living in Australia (literally country combination jackpot) and shares some really good stuff. What stuck with me was discovering bowspring as a workout (hello breastfeeding mamas, I think we finally found our real chest opener) and finally hitting cotton workout pants I actually want to try. Enjoy!!

If you have ideas to share, want to be featured on the Weekend Snack, or have feedback & suggestions, send me a DM or comment 💌 . I am so open to all ideas in this new format, where we can just have a little bit of fun together!

Leave a comment

What is your name?...

My name is Mathilde, it’s French. I was born and raised in France and came to Australia when I was 23. Met my husband here and haven’t left since! I have 3 beautiful children.

…And what is your Substack all about?

My Substack is about the complexity of motherhood, food and trying to create a family life that feels connected and meaningful. I talk a lot about nourishing mothers and babies, raising confident kids, questioning some of the things we’re told we should be doing, and also what happens to us as women when we become mothers. I’m really interested in how we find our own path, make room for creativity and build a life that feels good to be in, not just one we’re constantly trying to keep up with. Building my own business around homeschooling my kids has taught me so many lessons and has changed my perspective on what is possible. I wanted a place where I could share authentically about these topics.

If you would describe your lifestyle in three words, what would it be?

Slow living, nourishing foods, having fun

What is the type of exercise you recommend in general and for women postpartum?

I am slowly approaching 40 so I started doing some strength training in the past year to support my body and my muscle mass. I have to say it has been wonderful! The good part is that I train with a group of other mums which makes it so much fun and supportive.

Recently I have discovered bowspring and I wish I knew about this practice during pregnancy and when I had my babies as it totally opened my upper body and built my glutes while respecting the natural curves of my spine. My posture is starting to improve thanks to bowspring and I have to say that I have been looking for posture solutions for years with no improvements. I am really excited to deepen my practice and I think it is a wonderful way to realign our bodies during postpartum.

Last workout you did?

Last night I did a half an hour bowspring practice and slept like a baby with no back pain!

What are nutritional values you swear by?

Proper nutrition is a massive part of my wellbeing. I do prioritise eating well every day. I fell into the trap of the wellness extreme of wanting to eat perfectly all the time which really didn’t help my mental health. I was scared of toxins, I would refuse to go to people’s houses because I wasn’t sure what kind of food or water they were going to serve me. I am so glad I am on the other side of this! I truly love nourishing my body but I also think letting go of perfection and doing the best you can is more than enough!

For postpartum, I prioritise minerals and eating enough protein to repair, healthy fats to nourish your brain and your milk as well as simple carbohydrates to give you energy.

Eating with joy and pleasure does wonders for your health.

No gatekeeping!! What is your favorite ritual that makes you feel better?

Getting sunlight on my body every morning. I massively simplified my wellness routine as I felt like it was becoming another thing I had to do on my already long to-do list. Now I listen to my body and some days I need to stop more often than others. Going outside in the fresh air, putting my feet in the grass and allowing the sun rays to touch my tummy and thighs (this is how you get the maximum of vitamin D) for at least 15 minutes whatever the season while the kids play is my happy place. It makes the day easier and my hormones happy.

Building rituals into my life even when my kids are around, really allowed me to realise that you can look after yourself even when looking after your kids. It is so good for them to see that as well so they can carry this into their adulthood.

What would you tell a mother postpartum who is just not feeling it?

You are enough!

You might doubt your ability to be a good mother, you might feel like comparing yourself to others often, you will have highs and lows, you will question who you are and if you are made for this BUT you’ve got this! Stay away from social media (Substack is great though), get outside, drop your expectations of what a good mother should be, nourish your body and learn to ask for help.

Most recent purchase that falls within the wellness / lifestyle sphere?

Probably some desiccated liver capsules and some magnesium! Can’t live without both.

What did you have for breakfast today?

I often have the same thing every morning as it fuels me for a long time and is easy and quick to prepare. I had 4 scrambled eggs with parmesan cheese with 2 blood oranges. I try to eat within 30 minutes of waking, which is not always easy with little ones but it does help my blood sugars stay stable and my metabolism.

That was yesterday’s second breakfast. Omelettes, my husband’s homemade biltong and oranges because they are so good at the moment.

Workout attire tips (brands / looks / how to make it count)?

I probably need help in that area as I am not the most stylish! I love natural fabrics so I prioritise cotton when working out. I have flared pants and bra from Indigo Luna which I loooove! They are so comfortable.

Otherwise, I dig 90’s working out styles (tracksuit pants and all)

What did motherhood teach you?

I could write a book on this! I have been a mama for almost 10 years and let’s just say it cracked me open. I never expected that I would learn so much about myself. My children are like a mirror. Constantly reminding me to look at myself and forcing me to grow. Not from a place of competition or wanting to be the perfect mum but they have humbled me in many ways and are teaching me so many lessons. I am so grateful to be a mum and to be on this path of self growth. The most important thing motherhood taught me is that the present moment is a beautiful place to be.

• Stroll through Paris at any time and you’ll see the terraces filled with people

• Go out for dinner with the French, and nobody skips dessert

• You colleagues will eat MacDo (the nickname for McDonalds) for lunch more regularly than a salad

Compared to this Calvinist Dutch coming along:

• Not wanting to leave work early nor stay out too late and wake up with a hangover (aka no terrace pour moi)

• Going for dinner but politely declining dessert (because sugar tax!)

• Bringing my (sad, very sad) homemade salad box to the office every day

You get the drift. None of it screams Joie de Vivre, because none of it was.

Since, I have (luckily) grown, and realize I missed out. Now, I look back at my time in France with such an awe to the French and love incorporating their lifestyle to my own.

Thereby an ode to the ways the French do it better, plus what it takes to do the same.

1) Eat exactly what you feel like

Talking about the French means talking about food. Good food is part of the country’s DNA and you will not find a French who doesn’t have it in their top priorities. It means no foods are off-limits (good luck on a gluten and dairy free diet) and all food is enjoyed. The French eat what they feel like. And that is precisely the reason they can. As eating what you feel like also means not eating when you don’t really feel it. In practice this looks like: really quitting eating when you are satisfied, not eating “because you have to” (like when you didn’t eat all day), and only eating food that genuinely brings joy.

In all the ways the French live, I think this concept is one of the hardest. With our huge portion sizes and forced nutrition seeking, we are so out of touch with our bodies that it’s hard to recognize the signals. However, once you master this concept, you’ll never need another food rule in your life again.

2) Always have dessert

When writing about the French it only makes sense to have two points about food. Voilà.

I have pretty much never encountered a French who didn’t have dessert. Literally every office lunch and dinner was closed with it. Since, I have become such a fan of this concept, but only if executed in the way the French do it.

1. Dessert sizes are normal (or to be considered small in our disoriented portion size world)

2. Dessert is not always a sugar bomb. Fruit or (sweetened) yoghurt counts as well

This concept works for various reasons. It limits your portion size of the main food, as you have something else to look forward to. Related to that is that it properly closes a meal, so you feel satisfied when it is done. Lastly, it gets rid of that sweet tooth directly. No craving a cookie, then eating 4 “healthy snacks” to eventually take the cookie anyway. Take desert, have a reasonable size, enjoy it, and get it over with.

3) Wear what you’re comfortable in and don’t overthink it

The French are masters of style. Chanel, Hermes, Louis V, Saint Laurent, the list goes on. That being said, I don’t think the French are constantly busy with what they are wearing. Of course there are exceptions, but I am talking the average Josephine going to the office. She’ll look good, but not super polished or refined. The clothes are pulled together and somehow match, but it doesn’t feel like she is following a Pinterest board with the outfit she has on.

It’s the je ne sais quoi that ultimately is the French style. She doesn’t know why she looks great, she just does. The golden rule? Being comfortable with what she has on:

• No too tight jeans

• No heels when not feeling it

• Feminine because she loves it

• Practical because it fits the day

In all cases: comfortable to wear what she feels like, not because somebody told her. That’s the way to go.

4) Consider that you are right BUT discuss it openly

Obviously the French are known for their pride, and often it is seen as a bad thing. I have observed this pride being engrained on a personal level and feel like it is thereby shown nationally. But to be clear: I don’t think this is a bad thing.

I don’t know enough about the French school system to substantially write about it. However, I do know that a large focus is placed on explaining your thoughts. I have noticed this in practice in the way the French are not afraid to share their opinions and be open to defend them. Never done in a demeaning way, but by carefully laying out each arguments. They take up space by feeling like they deserve is, by believing that what they say counts.

Perhaps it is just me, but I often feel like others know so much more than I do. Generally I think this is a good starting point, but it also has its downsides. Not wanting to push your opinions or being afraid to be bored? Acting like the French as a counter is really admiring.

BUT there is a big caveat - and frankly this point only works as a positive with this big caveat- you must be willing to have an open discussion about your opinions.

• Be ready to discuss it, and don’t get offended when others don’t share the same feelings

• Honestly give and take in the discussion

• Don’t make the discussion personal; it can’t get in the way of your relationships. Equally good friends when sharing different opinions.

5) Un moment en famille

Aka family time. My direct encounter with this concept was during the spring and summer. When the days become hotter, all Parisians inevitably flee their small (very small, teeny-tiny, old but cozy) apartments to find fresh air in the city’s parks. During these days, families do the same. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, kids, everyone gathers for a picnic. Each brings blankets, foods and drinks. It is a highly relaxed atmosphere, where the kids can run free and the parents can relax, as all adults share the responsibility by keeping an eye out. Other than other highly scheduled and planned (family) dates, where you most likely leave more stressed than when you came, this afternoon actually fills your cup. It doesn’t all have to be so perfect. Less planning, more doing.

Call your family and friends and repeat: “We all meet at XYZ at this time, everyone brings some food and drinks, and everyone promises to keep an eye out over all the kids. Doesn’t have to be perfect, easy does it”. Ta-da.

6) Kids don’t go to bed at 7pm

Related to the previous point, in case the picnic extends to the dinner, and otherwise a perfect point in itself. Don’t worry so much about your kids’ bedtime.

As written by HERE, there is a lot less stress about kid's bedtime than in Northern European countries, the US and UK. I was perfectly reminded about this aspect when on holiday in France this summer. Kids crowded the restaurants at 21:00. They were eating, playing or or running around (not in an annoying way)*. Nobody was nervous about the wake windows or “over tiredness”. The adults enjoyed their dinners.

There is nothing more stress evoking than worrying about your child’s sleep (I remember my first 6 months, until luckily, I was able to let it go). And one thing is certain: feeling like your baby should be sleeping, takes a whole lot of joy away from the current moment you are in, EVEN when your baby is doing absolutely fine.

Letting go of that stress and enjoying where you are opens room for spontaneity. And thus beautiful moments that don’t happen on the couch in your living room. Why not stay in the park? Why not go for dinner at a friends? Perhaps grab some food outdoors? The French do it that way, and their kids seem to be doing perfectly fine. (another interesting article by HERE that shows we are perhaps a bit too obsessive about our kids’ sleep?).

*funny side note is that when we were out for dinner we didn’t see A SINGLE ipad / iphone on the table either. no judgements, we all do us, but it is very interesting also in relation to this point.. perhaps tbwrittenabout.

7) Giving is getting

I’ve never worked in an office with more generous colleagues than when working in Paris. People brought croissants daily just because they felt like one themselves. It seemed like nobody would bake a cake and not bring some for the co-workers. And all returns from business trips were accompanied by a local treat next to the coffee machine. To be clear: none of these were company expanses and all were on own costs.

This generosity and care for others created a very warm environment. Not only the joy that giving over getting creates, but also because it created opportunities for bonding. People soften by generosity, and it creates generosity in return.

Call to action to all of us. Where can we share more?

• Perhaps bringing a batch of your home-made cookies to your family and friends

• Buying a surprise coffee to go when meeting a friend for a walk

• Inviting for dinner, genuinely cooking with love and care, doggy-bag with leftovers

Generosity doesn’t have to cost much but creates a familiarity that is priceless.

C’est ca. There we have it. The ways the French do it better and the simple ways to incorporate it in your own life. Because frankly, really looking at the list, it is not that hard. Considering each point, it is merely a way of living that is truer to yourself. Whether it is about what you eat, wear, think & speak, it is about what you feel is right without any striving after perfectionism or principles.

👀I would love to hear from your experiences with the French culture and if you have other things that should be added to the list. Or perhaps, following through on point of discussion, you see points you completely disagree with? Comment!

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The thing is having another baby. Where for some the decision for a second one comes slower, with doubts, questions, and determining the “right time”, for me it came directly. I think my son was a mere few weeks old, when I started proclaiming I was ready for the rest of my football team. Since, I’ve turned it down slightly (11 seems excessive to me too now), but nothing is more clear than the wish to hold another of my babies in my arms. Soon.

My son is turning 1.5 this week. To some that might sounds early. But, to me this timing sounds exactly right. Unfortunately it’s not possible to place an order, and it’s the magic of nature that needs to do its job.

This is where it becomes hard. Because, the nature I need is getting my period back. For some a burden, for others a blessing. And as annoying as it is, it is necessary for this dear wish of mine. It’s just that mine doesn’t appear to be anywhere close.

My son is still breastfeeding daily. More than I expected at this age. He is also still nursed to sleep, and “needs” me at least twice per night. Unfortunately, I think this beautiful relationship is the reason that I am still not there. Supposedly breastfeeding is nature’s way to prevent another child too soon. Some women get their period back while still breastfeeding, even while breastfeeding exclusively, but I have understood, it is more likely for the period to stay away while breastfeeding often.

With all of this, I can’t help but wonder (Carrie, at it again): is my fertility ultimately my own ability to let go of breastfeeding?

In practice, it would mean weaning my son. Something I am absolutely not ready for. Not only do I believe breastfeeding provides him with a dose of literal and physical comfort, I also don’t want to give up the precious moments we share together. Gone from first smiles and face-touching to having inside jokes and a mass of giggles.

Besides the emotional part, is the practical part. Because a 1.5-year-old son, makes 1.5 year of broken sleep. To say I am tired is an understatement. At this point, one night of sleeping through won’t cut it. I’d need at least 4 weeks to get close to base again. Anyway, this means that when my son wakes up mumbling in the night, I go for the easy option. I can’t even phantom the idea of standing anything more than 20 minutes to 1 hour (or more?), trying to sooth him by means other than what is going to get us back to sleep fastest.

This leaves me in a conundrum. I am so ready for a second baby, but am not ready to let go of my first one yet.

Sometimes I step out in the wild world of the internet. I will google stories about women who got pregnant while breastfeeding. They never expected it. They were already 20 weeks along. It just happened. It gives me a sparkle of hope, but truly nothing to count for.

Another way has happened too. When the slightest bulge of nausea hits me, I will actively search for the early signs of pregnancy, catching them in my body and holding onto them for a couple of days until, inevitably, the bubble bursts.

It is clear to me that I don’t want to sacrifice the experience with the baby in arms for the baby in the future. That comes with accepting the consequences it brings. Which is humbling to the spoiled beings we have become. I choose to see that as a good thing*. In this day and age, where we can can get anything we want whenever we want it, how amazing is it to have a few remaining natural rules we are forced to obey. Where we have to let nature run its course and accept that what is meant to be will be. The instances where we can’t plan and adjust every aspect of our lives to make it fit the perfect picture in our head are perhaps the most beautiful. In the end, it’s those that make us realize how precious life really is.

*Please don’t mistake this newsletter as one to get pity from. Because, writing all of this, I know I can count my blessings. I have a beautiful son, we have a beautiful journey, he is still so young, and there a people who have actual grief to process. I know, and no ounce of me is complaining. If anything, it makes me feel so much love for those who try or have tried for so much longer than me, and seeing and recognizing their bravery and unspoken pain.

I would love to hear from you if you have gone through the same experience, or have opinions and thoughts to share 🫶

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From my camera roll

Being back at Substack makes me so happy, and my camera roll has equally started to become more crowded again. Good moments of writing featuring chocolate nuts, to funny NYT Cartoons (always a favorite).

Huge shoutout to the toeslippers. I have always said, that at one point in my life I WILL start wearing those toe-shoes. They just seem too incredibly comfortable to me. At this point, I am still a little too vain unfortunately. However, seeing these toeslippers might just be my opportunity to starting tiptoeing (yes I did it) into this urge at home…

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It's 11pm on a Thursday evening. I am writing on my phone, and know this is probably the dumbest thing to do. I am teaching tomorrow morning, and the amount of blue light will send me spiraling until 2am minimum.

BUT but, I am back. After having neglected my Substack for the summer, a small tickle popped up. It started by opening the app, then went to reading my favorite writers, and finally to re-engaging with notes. Although it was nice to let go of the constant pull, it is even nicer to give in again.

Quitting Substack went like most of my decisions: from one day to the next. I was getting annoyed with the amount of 'complaining' articles to which I couldn't relate. Not saying complaining is not allowed, nor that we can't share our feelings, but somehow it felt like there was a "dramafication" of regular situations, in order to draw in readers. Every day moments became life-changing or challenging. I normally enjoy when my partner is gone for an evening or two (girl dinner works perfect with a child) and traveling solo with my son is tiring, but I don't need a 15-point list of ways to manage.

Besides that, I felt the Linkedin effect. The one where people like & comment for likes & comments (remember the like4like?). Sure there is sincere commenting, but I started to doubt it whenever someone would engage with my content.

No other platform has made me feel as insecure as Substack has. Funny, because simultaneously, no other platform has made me feel so connected with women across the globe to whom I could relate so hard. That being said, writing is an absolute love of mine and the amount of people that just write so GOOD is overwhelming. Funny, sassy, serious, a blend of everything you'd want to get on paper.  Most importantly, these writers are consistent. Able to post weekly, with not only great content but also an editiorial style out of the books that makes you click the article without thinking twice.

I want to do the same, yet I have excuses for myself why it's not possible for me. Being stay at home, there is no time to write during the day. Unlike other powerful creatures, I normally crash around 8pm and find the way to my bed by 9.  My time to shine is the morning, but unfortunately so is my son's, and it has become a hopeless endeavour to set my alarm early enough to catch some time for myself. I inevitably end up playing Noah's arc at 6am instead.

So then what is it, pulling me back?

It's literally the, almost childish, joy of creating my own piece of the internet. And actually feeling like it’s possible. Because when I am reading back my notes, I can't help but chuckle, and the discourse on my articles makes me feel proud. If I can’t do it just for myself, why do it at all?

Accepting my typos. Not dramatizing for likes. My take as a mother and Pilates teacher. The beautiful things I encounter and crazy situations I end up in.

Ultimately I think that's why we are all here. Claiming our spots, and celebrating others who do the same. Because it is FUN to read about other women and have the take of others like you about the ultimate gift-guide, travel tips, or things they have been loving and it feels so WHOLE to meet women across the globe, going through similar experiences as you.

At least I think so, and if you’re here, I guess you do too.

Have you felt the same, and what makes you keep going? It would be so nice to hear from you!

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I am writing this with my sleeping baby on top of me. He is moving to one nap a day, and I have noticed that he often needs a “re-settle” after his first stretch and in order to be able to continue to sleep for a longer time. The same today, but this time he doesn’t let me put him down again. Even though I was in the middle of a Pilates class and I have a nice Caesar salad waiting for me, I am choosing to finish this contact nap. The poor guy has been in so much pain from getting his teeth and I prefer him getting a good amount of sleep over myself today. Instead of getting annoyed about this, I try to think about what really matters in the grand scheme of things. When I am 85 years old, this is where I’ll be returning to (not the Pilates class I just missed, coming at you as a Pilates teacher).

Whirlwind of emotions in Paris

Last week I was in Paris for my farewell lunch and dinner. My exquisite (now) ex-employer arranged that my son and partner could join, so I would be able to stay over night (and actually enjoy the dinner).

I had expected the day to be emotional, but had not foreseen the doubt that followed being back in the office and meeting my colleagues. Of course everything was blurred by the veil of time, but not only was I questioning my decision to quit working, my partner and I even felt like we could move back (we did not love LOVE Paris, like many others do, so this was surprising!).

Back home, with a teething baby, I am reminiscing, and the two things I can conclude is that 1) I had a great employer + workplace + job and 2) there is no place I would rather be than soothing my sick baby, without any other obligations, this random Friday afternoon.

Saving Jimmy

Since 2 months my son has a favorite stuffed doll: Jimmy. Gotten from his grandparents, Jimmy has been a success from the first moment. That is, until last week.

Back to Paris: my son was sick during our time there, and this mom was a little bit stressed about the fever + traveling with this fever. Of course Jimmy was there during the though times, but, due to the stress, the poor guy got lost between the pillows and sheets.

I realized the loss when we were at the airport and my son started crying when the suitcase disappeared at the bag drop-off. Sh*t.

The Jimmy doll is still for sale, but somehow it doesn’t feel the same. Perhaps I have just become a real weakling, but I can’t shake the feeling that the poor original Jimmy should be returned. Even if the price of sending the “original” equals 3 “new” Jimmies. Motherhood, and all rationality is out of the window.

What I read this week

Especially after this week, I feel like the questions about ambition and motherhood are so up in my mind. Reading the essay by Elena is really interesting. It is paid, but I can definitely recommend it (and her account in general).

MOTHERHOOD UNTIL YESTERDAY

The Particular Struggle of Being An Ambitious Mother

I am ambitious. There’s no doubt about it…

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5 months ago · 104 likes · 37 comments · Elena Bridgers

With the eating disorder crisis we have been in, I am so appalled by the normalized use of Ozympic. It feels like celebrities are skinnier than ever, and beauty standards are following suit.

Why am I bleeding?

Ozempification of modern society has arrived - and it's very very bad

Like many eating disorder survivors, I’ve been nervously waiting for the post-Ozempic tide of anorexia that will inevitably crush our already besieged mental health services. Now there’s signs it’s getting disturbingly close…

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5 months ago · 781 likes · 117 comments · Eve Simmons

I love this series in general, but this particular piece was very moving. The comparison of a mother going through a lovely postpartum period vs. having a depression is really eye-opening.

Mama’s Boy

The 24-Hour Diaries: Zoloft Saved My Life.

A little about me: Hi, I’m Molly Moran. I’m eight weeks postpartum with my second baby. My two daughters were born 2 years apart, almost to the day. This is 24 hours with me now, versus what 24 hours looked like with my first baby in 2024…

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5 months ago · 24 likes · 10 comments · Leah Hamilton

Very fitting to my feelings this week, the choices we make as mothers, and when those still fit and when they start to feel like they don’t belong to you anymore

Savoring Each Season

Issue #10: The Martyrdom I Once Wore Proudly No Longer Fits

Almost nine years ago, when I delivered my daughter, I stepped into motherhood with the belief that spending more time with her was always better. I actually thought it was best for both of us. I didn’t give much thought to how it felt for me, because from that moment on, I believed it wasn’t…

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2 years ago · 39 likes · 25 comments · Amelia Larsen

That’s it!

Writing these little brain dumps are so much fun. I hope you enjoy reading them just as much.

Much love.

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While I am writing this, I am sitting on the beach. It is beautiful weather in Amsterdam and I have the luck of a family beach cottage. My son in sleeping in my arms, my dad is sleeping in his chair. We have a fridge full of delicious food and the holiday feeling is real. As Drake said it best: blessings on blessings on blessings.

Being at home with my parents makes me feel a type of way. There is immense love. Seeing my parents be the grandparents they always wished to be, and care for my son in the way that made my childhood filled with joy and safety, is something that makes my heart explode. At the same time, there is a certain grief as we live miles apart, across borders, and ‘only’ see each other once a month (lucky as we are). How different both our lives could have been had we been closer.

Your girl got engaged!!!

Fair, now almost already 2 weeks ago, but I haven't been able to share it yet. Somehow, when I have good news, I want to keep it to myself, a sacred gift that needs protecting. Anyway, here we go. On a Mother's day weekend, I didn't get the Ninja Icecream Machine I had been longing for. Instead, I got something much better.

With our family, we spend a night in a "trädgård": a Swedish castle hotel. My now fiance had picked the perfect moment, and then to think I was close to ruining it. Before the trip, I had a slight feeling something was up.

Whether it was my boyfriend's hesitation when I asked him if he had gold in his bag, so heavy it was, or just the general setting. Either way, nothing happened initially. We took a nice lunch, beautiful walk, romantic dinner (to the extent it can be with a 1-year old rubbing banana all over the table), yet...nothing. The next morning, we enjoyed our slow breakfast and took another beautiful walk. Again: nothing. Towards the end of the walk I wanted to bring up that I thought he would propose to me that day, but luckily kept myself quiet. Because then, while admiring a nice river, he went down to his knees.

A big big yes to what I know won't change anything to the life we are building together, but is still the most beautiful gesture.

Listening to your body's needs

Last week I finalized my education, and am taking it slow this week. It has been a busy period, with practice and teaching, so my body deserves some rest. That being said, I want to make use of the opportunities given by having my parents close and waking up on the beach. Not forcing myself in any way, but I can imagine that I will get a tickle tomorrow morning to take an early hour for myself and get some practice in.

I stand strongly for listening to your body. This doesn't only count for when to take a rest, but also when to honor the urge for activity. However, often it is easier said than done, and also very different per person. For some people, the urge to take a rest is stronger than to move. Especially, after longer periods of rest, you need to start again before getting into it.

At the same time, the urge to move can come from different places. Sometimes it is a real urge, as I have written about before, starting as a small tickle to want more. Other times it can be driven by discipline and obsession. Asking yourself the question as to why you don't or do feel the urge to do something is the first step. Honoring it will be a continuous process.

What I read

I won’t get over the amount of talented and insightful writers can be found on Substack. Daily I am confronted with new insights or recognition. These articles made me feel some type of way.

“Ambitious” women who’s priorities started changing when becoming a mother was something I didn’t recognize when I didn’t have kids yet. Because, like the quote of the article: “Everyone wants this”. But what if it is not what you want anymore?

Both&

“Don’t be ridiculous, Andrea. Everybody wants this.”

I love to read, and since college I’ve always alternated between fiction and nonfiction — with most of the nonfiction being business books. Books written by very “successful” people who had built mas…

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5 months ago · 29 likes · 17 comments · Kaleana Quibell

That voice we, as women, are all too familiar with. A very revealing and honest piece that made me recognize how I have talked to myself and (re-)opened my eyes to be gentle with our bodies day in and day out.

Kindred Mothering

From Controlling My Body to Belonging to Myself

This essay explores body image and self-criticism. Please take care of yourself as you read if these themes feel tender for you 🤍…

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5 months ago · 10 likes · 5 comments · Angelie Wallace, MA

This was so interesting and juicy to read!!! Isn’t this something we all wished we would have done (at least I would have liked to go back in time). It’s awesome that the writer did, and most importantly the big lesson she pulled out of it.

If you’re like me, and loved the memoire Strangers, and equally devour any other piece written about Belle’s story, this one is for you. Financial decisions are so key, and having a financial advisor observe the actions of the characters is a whole other way to look at the book.

Finance That Feels

The Most Interesting Thing About Strangers Isn’t the Marriage

Finance That Feels explores the psychology and mindset behind our financial decisions—asking why we are the way we are with money—and offers tools to help you align your money with your biggest dreams and deepest values. For more regular updates, follow…

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5 months ago · 161 likes · 36 comments · emilie dayan hill, cfa

That’s it!

A little braindump never hurt nobody! At least not in my world. Would love to hear from you, your experiences, thoughts, and as always, reading tips!

With love.

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Not working out cleared up time and mind space. Not only did I gain hours, otherwise spent on a workout routine, I could also let go of the “administration” and scheduling when to work out and which workout to do.

This new way of living felt completely right, and I started to wonder if I would ever work out again. Frankly, why would I?

It opened my eyes to the space exercising had taken in my life. But not only that. I also lacked any significant downsides, and faced the truth that I was not missing any return of investment I was promised to gain by exercising*.

* I think there is a big caveat to this: 1) I was still very active with daily walks, never failing to take stairs, and having a general sense of activity throughout the days. 2) I was pregnant, and thereby my body was changing in the most beautiful way, countering any loss of muscle/gaining of weight, I otherwise could have been bothered by.

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That was until 6 months into my pregnancy, when the itch popped up again. It was like an old friend inviting me. The walks didn’t leave me satisfied and I longed for more. I wanted to move my body. Cautious of wanting to maintain the calmness I was experiencing, I tipped a small toe into a 20-minute slow movement session. This 20-minutes per week became 20-minutes per day.

This time, the return on investment was clear: my body was less tight, I focussed on my breathing, and enjoyed the concentration on myself and my body.

Not only did I feel very well in the last months of my pregnancy, I also believe this form of exercises made my birth smooth (almost too smooth - read HERE), and helped with a speedy recovery after birth.

I know many women have different experiences, but I prepared a lot for my postpartum period. Besides making sure I had everything I would need in terms of comforting food and clothes, I was also very careful to not burn unnecessary energy and resisted movement. As much as possible, I tried to stay in bed 10 days, and when forced up, I moved with extreme care. After 10 days, I started with a 10 minute walk, which gradually increased every day. The wiggle when standing up of the couch (IYKYK) disappeared and my body was healing. Then, after 2 months, the friendly itch popped up again. This time I told it to keep patient. I wanted to stay free of exercise for the first 3 months after birth and stayed disciplined. Modern society disregards women’s bodies in general, and specifically by not acknowledging the physical and emotional impact of birth. I wanted to stay respectful of mine.

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When the 3-month postpartum mark passed, I went ahead, but with big changes to the way I exercised. Prior to my pregnancy, I used to combine different forms of exercise. Although I loved Pilates, I was always afraid it would not be enough. Thereby I combined different types of training, including running and weights. Yet, I never built real strength nor was ever “happy” with my body.

Perhaps the hormones, perhaps the experience during my pregnancy, I’m not sure what made me decide to go as I did. But after pregnancy, I decided the only routine I would follow was classical Pilates. Besides that, I took the liberty to completely listen to my body in terms of giving it rest when needed. Especially in the first months of working out again, this was more often than I’d imagined.

What happened was amazing. The routine engaging my mind and my muscles delivered. One year after giving birth, I am the strongest and most confident I have ever been.

This feeling is what inspires me to continue to learn, and share my knowledge with other mothers and women. Perhaps the workouts that make us feel better are also the ones that are possible to do. Perhaps we don’t need to always push ourselves to achieve results, and is less really more.

I think this is especially important for mothers to realize, because the “burden” of working out on top of everything else is just completely unfair. At the same time, I do believe that strengthening your body is extremely important. Not only in this time in our lives, carrying and caring, also in ever day we grow older.

My vision is to make this possible, in a way that is accessible to all. No intimidating studios or strict routines. Rather workouts that are achievable, and able to do in a park or at home. The first step is taken, the next steps are to come 👀👀👀.

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The dogmatic: “You are sacrificing yourself”

This dogmatic saying is one I have used too. When still under the spell of “corporate success” I could simply not fathom the fact that someone could dream of being anything less than CEO, especially if they were having corporate success. How different I feel now. Although I understand and respect that some parents feel different, time away from the most precious growth period of my son feels more like a sacrifice than giving up my career ever could.

Besides that, is the question of money. Not being in the standard workforce means not earning in the same way. It almost always means being dependent on someone else, and that is scary. At the same time, taking it fully rationally: would it not be my partner sacrificing himself for the fact that I am giving up my job, as he continues going to the office while I am “off”?

What I am trying to show is that the worry of “sacrifice” is multi-edged. It always corresponds with someone going against societal norms, but what holds value remains different per person. Someone can value career over time with children, joy over money, and financial independence can be achieved in different ways. As with everything, only you can decide what is worth most and what sacrifice means.

The one of trusts: “You are so smart; if you think this is the right the decision, it must be“

If I was not blessed with the most amazing manager, I don’t know. This was literally his reaction to me explaining that I no longer felt like it was the right choice for me to continue working.

This answers was one of trust and responsibility. On the one hand the trust, that only you know what is best for you. On the other hand, the responsibility of not being able to blame anyone else for following your own decision.

The boundaries of these two, is where growth happens. This is the main lesson I will take away from working with my manager. People placing faith in you, is a great stimulator to take the step forward. When that step becomes succesful, having full responsibility over it, creates confidence to continue doing so.

In the past, it benefitted me by growing personally and see my team grow. In the future, I hope to apply it to my son and let him spread his wings with trust and confidence.

The closed-ended: “Think about your mortgage“

I don’t even want to spend much time on this one, because no sh*t sherlock. As if taking a decision like this would be done lightly and, “whoopsie daisy”, we would forget to think about something small like our mortgage.

All jokes aside, an “advice” like this is an uninterested one, without real regard to what someone is going through. It is an example of a closed answer, and applies to many situations.

It doesn’t mean that someone can not be opposed to an idea or share their worries. It is the best when people do. But it should be done with a genuine interest into the matter at hand, to be really worth something.

In this case, asking how we would do it with the mortgage, would have made a world of difference, and allowed for useful discussion and tips how to handle the economy when half of the income dissappears.

The one who feels the same: “You are an inspiration“

It was a woman and a play-location for kids who told me this. She was approaching one year parental leave, meaning her husband would soon take over. It is beautiful that the standard in Sweden is to share the long parental leave between both parents. At the same time it ‘forces’ some moms back to work earlier (or at all), because the father does not want to give up his parental leave.

This was the case at hand, and the mother opposite me had hard time with it. Speaking, her voice loaded with emotion and she was holding back tears. It reminded me of myself, bursting into tears when discussing with my partner what he would do when he would be off. Not being there for baby swim broke my heart.

Since being open with my decision of wanting to be with my son full time, I have met many women who feel the same. It really opened my eyes to what is expected of mothers in today’s Western society, and that going back to work is not only a matter of policy and childcare, but also one of feelings. Even if everything is arranged for a mother to go back to work, she might not want to. And that should be equally respected.

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It has been so interesting to be open in my decision taking (first timer for this clam shell), and receiving different reactions. Some reactions fare better than others. That has nothing to do with the content of the reaction. It is all about the intention. As long as there is a genuine interest, doubtful or not, it works.

These reactions show the complexity of decisions and multitude of feelings.

In my opinion the only no-go, besides clear offensive reactions obviously, are the one-dimensional, closed-ended, parroted lines. It’s really that simple.

By Sanne DK

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By Sanne DK