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If I could give one piece of career advice to developing professionals, leaders, project managers, and team members, it would be this:

Find a mentor.

Not next year. Not someday.

Now.

Learn From Those Who Have Already Walked the Path

A mentor is more than a trusted advisor. A great mentor is someone who helps you become more effective, reach your potential faster, and avoid lessons that would otherwise be learned the hard way.

There is no faster way to master a profession than learning from someone who has already traveled the road ahead of you.

Books are valuable. Training courses have their place. Workshops introduce new ideas.

But none of these can match a conversation with an experienced professional who understands your situation, sees your blind spots, and helps you make better decisions.

Many of us spend years developing habits that we assume are effective, only to discover much later that there was a better way all along.

A mentor helps you see possibilities you cannot yet see for yourself.

We grow faster when we stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us.

A Simple Example

I’ve used the following exercise with thousands of students over the years.

Suppose a major aerospace company is preparing to develop the next generation of a successful commercial aircraft.

Based on my background in leadership, project management, organizational development, publishing, and training, would I be a strong candidate to lead that effort?

Many students say yes.

After all, I’ve spent decades leading projects, writing books, teaching workshops, developing training programs, reviewing troubled projects, mentoring professionals, and helping organizations improve performance.

Yet my answer is always the same:

No. I would not be the best candidate.

The reason is simple.

I lack deep aerospace domain expertise.

I don’t know what I don’t know.

Without extensive aerospace experience, I wouldn’t automatically recognize all the technical risks, industry nuances, or critical questions that would need to be addressed throughout the program.

A highly experienced aerospace program manager might bring the aircraft from concept to first flight in three years. I might need three and a half or four years to accomplish the same result.

However, there is an important twist.

The Power of the Right Mentor

Imagine I could handpick a mentor:

• Who had successfully led multiple next-generation aircraft programs.

• Someone who possessed world-class aerospace expertise.

• Someone who knew both the technical side and the process side of aircraft development.

• Someone willing to guide me, challenge my thinking, and help me avoid predictable mistakes.

Now the equation changes dramatically.

My leadership, project, and organizational skills would combine with the mentor’s deep expertise.

Together, we would become a formidable team.

That is the power of mentoring.

The right mentor doesn’t simply answer questions.

They help compensate for what you don’t yet know.

What Makes a Great Mentor?

The best mentors are often seasoned leaders who learned through both success and failure.

They have made mistakes, recovered from setbacks, and discovered what actually works in the real world.

Because of those experiences, they can offer:

• Perspective when you’re too close to a problem

• Confidence when you’re second-guessing yourself

• New ideas when you’re stuck

• Honest feedback when others won’t provide it

• Wisdom that only comes from experience

A good mentor helps you see the forest instead of becoming lost among the trees.

Most People Already Know the Answer

One of the most surprising lessons I’ve learned as a mentor is that most mentees already know the right answer.

At any given time, I mentor project managers, program managers, leaders, managers, and professionals seeking to accelerate their growth.

When someone calls me with a difficult challenge, I typically ask:

“What do you believe is the best course of action?”

To my surprise, nearly 80 percent of the time, they already know.

What they need is not an answer:

• They need confirmation.

• They need reassurance.

• They need the confidence to move forward.

Often, a mentor’s greatest contribution is helping someone trust their own judgment.

Looking Back

The people I’ve mentored have generally developed much faster than I did at the same stage of my career.

Why?

Because they had access to something I largely overlooked:

A mentor.

If I could rewind my career and start over, finding a mentor would be one of the first things I would do.

The time investment is small.

The potential return is enormous.

The Bottom Line

A mentor can accelerate your development, improve your effectiveness, increase your value to your organization, and bring greater satisfaction to your work.

No matter how experienced we become, there is always more to learn.

None of us succeeds entirely on our own.

Reach out.

Ask questions.

Seek guidance.

Learn from people who have already faced the challenges that lie ahead of you.

You may discover that the shortest path to professional growth is finding someone who has already walked it.

Reader Question

“I’d like to find a mentor within my organization, but I’m concerned that the person might share my weaknesses with my boss. What are your thoughts?“

Answer

A successful mentoring relationship depends on trust.

For a mentee to gain the greatest benefit, conversations must remain confidential unless both parties explicitly agree otherwise.

The relationship should be a penalty-free environment where questions, concerns, mistakes, and uncertainties can be discussed openly.

Before entering a mentoring relationship, make sure expectations around confidentiality are clearly understood.

The stronger the trust, the greater the value of the mentoring relationship.

Takeaway

The most expensive lessons in life are the ones you insist on learning alone. A mentor helps you borrow experience instead of paying full price.

Now, go make a bigger difference!

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Contradition?

Take care of yourself. Look out for yourself. Put yourself first.

At first glance, this advice may seem to contradict what many of us were taught growing up. We learned that good people put others first, sacrifice their own needs, and prioritize the happiness and well-being of those around them. While there is certainly value in generosity and compassion, there is an important truth that is often overlooked: you cannot consistently give your best to others if you have neglected yourself.

It’s About Self-Responsibility

Putting yourself first is not about selfishness. It is about self-responsibility. It means making sure your physical, emotional, mental, and financial well-being are strong enough to support the life you want to live. When you are healthy, rested, confident, and grounded, you are in a much better position to help others, meet your obligations, and pursue your goals.

Airline Safety Instruction

The familiar airline safety instruction provides a perfect example. When oxygen masks drop during an emergency, passengers are told to place their own mask first before assisting someone else. The reason is simple. If you become incapacitated while trying to help another person, you may end up being unable to help anyone. By first ensuring that you are strong and capable, you increase your ability to assist others effectively.

Tears Rolling Down Her Cheeks

Another example. It was Saturday. I’m conducting a half-day seminar at the University of Toronto for about 200 attendees. The seminar was in reference to a new book related to lessons in life. Putting yourself first was one lesson I had discussed. During the intermission, I was walking among the attendees and chatting about lessons from the seminar. I came upon a woman in her early-to-mid-30s, sitting alone, tears rolling down her cheeks. I sat next to her and asked if she was okay. She replied she was now. She said she was close to giving up on life. She works full time, has three children, and has a husband who doesn’t lift a finger to help. She said she was exhausted with no energy left. She can’t continue. And she does not like her life. But she went on to say that I had given her permission to put herself first and live life from a position of strength rather than blind obedience and overbearing sacrifice. She fully received and understood my message. Of course, she did not need my permission or anyone else’s.

Position of Weakness

People who continually put everyone else’s needs ahead of their own often find themselves overwhelmed, resentful, or burned out. They may believe they are doing the right thing, yet over time they are operating from a position of weakness rather than strength.

Think of the caregiver who tirelessly looks after someone in need at the sacrifice of her own health and well-being. It is common for caregivers to get rundown, sick, sometimes hospitalized because they sacrifice so much. This is another example of the need to put oneself first to maintain the strength to help another in need.

In contrast, people who invest in themselves, establish healthy boundaries, and make time for their own needs are often more effective in every role they play, whether as a spouse, parent, friend, leader, or colleague.

Make Yourself a Priority

My experience has been that many people would be happier and feel more in control of their lives if they embraced this principle. When you make yourself a priority, you gain greater control over your energy, your emotions, your decisions, and your future. You stop merely reacting to life’s demands and begin intentionally shaping the life you want.

If this idea feels uncomfortable, remember that putting yourself first does not mean putting others last. It simply means recognizing that your ability to contribute to the world begins with taking care of yourself. The stronger you become, the more value you can bring to those around you, as well as to focus on areas of special meaning to you.

Takeaway

Putting yourself first is not an act of selfishness. It is the foundation that allows you to be your best for yourself and for everyone who depends on you.

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The Power to Choose

While I believe in a higher power, I do not believe that our lives are governed by destiny or fate. I believe in the saying, “God helps those who help themselves.” I believe things happen for a reason, but often that reason is simple: we make them happen, or we allow them to happen. If I believed my life had already been scripted from beginning to end, I would have little motivation to get out of bed each morning. Instead, I believe each of us has been given one of life’s greatest gifts: the power to choose.

Every day is filled with choices. You choose what time to get up, what to eat, what to wear, how to spend your time, how to respond to people, and where to focus your energy. At work, you make dozens of decisions every hour, whether you realize it or not. Most of these choices seem small and routine, but over time they shape the direction of your life.

Your day is largely the result of the choices you made throughout that day. Your year is largely the result of the choices you made throughout that year. And your life is largely the result of the choices you made over a lifetime. The quality of your relationships, your health, your career, your finances, and your personal fulfillment are all influenced by the decisions you consistently make.

Design Your Image

Because of this, it is important to live deliberately rather than accidentally. Decide who you choose to be. Create a clear picture of the person you want to become, then have the courage to walk that path. Two of the most important truths you can embrace are these:

You are what you perceive yourself to be.
Your vision becomes your reality.

We tend to move toward the image we hold of ourselves. Think small and you will likely live within self-imposed limits. Think bigger and you open the door to greater possibilities. Throughout history, successful people have shared a common belief: they saw themselves as capable of making a difference and then acted accordingly.

Ironically, the greatest obstacle to becoming who we want to be is often ourselves. Self-doubt, fear, and old habits can keep us trapped in a version of ourselves that no longer serve us. Yet change becomes possible the moment we stop asking, “Who am I?” and start asking, “Who do I want to become?”

This is where acting comes in.

Become a Good Actor

Once you identify the qualities you want to develop, begin practicing them. Act the part. If you want to become more confident, practice confidence. If you want to become more patient, practice patience. If you want to become a better listener, listen more intentionally. At first, these behaviors may feel awkward or unnatural. That’s okay. Every meaningful change feels unnatural before it becomes natural.

Suppose you want to become more courageous but do not feel courageous. My advice is simple: act courageously anyway. The remarkable truth is that nobody can tell the difference between genuine courage and courage that is being practiced. Every time you choose to speak up, take a risk, or face a fear despite your discomfort, you strengthen the courage muscle within you. Over time, what began as an act becomes a habit, and what became a habit eventually becomes part of your identity.

You Become What You Think About

The human brain is remarkably adaptable. Repeated thoughts create repeated actions, and repeated actions create lasting behavioral patterns. The person you become tomorrow is shaped by the behaviors you rehearse today.

So decide who you choose to be. Envision that person clearly. Then be a good actor until the role is no longer a role. At that point, you will discover that you are no longer pretending. You have become the person you set out to be.

Takeaway

You are not limited to who you have been. Choose who you want to become, then practice being that person until it becomes your reality.

Now, go make a bigger difference!

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New Book

After a lifetime of personal and professional experiences, I am pleased to announce the publication of my new book:

47 Principles for Living Your Best Life:

Subtitle: Here’s What I Have Learned Over a Lifetime

At age 80, I wanted to capture the most important lessons life has taught me and share them with others. The result is a concise, approximately 70-page collection of practical wisdom designed to help you live with greater purpose, resilience, fulfillment, and peace of mind.

47 Principles

Inside, you’ll find 47 powerful principles that have shaped my life and guided me through successes, setbacks, relationships, challenges, and opportunities. These are not theories from a textbook. They are lessons learned through decades of real-world experience.

Among the principles explored are:

• Believing in yourself

• Investing in relationships

• Extending love to those you have lost

• Putting yourself first

• Learning to say “no”

• Helping the less fortunate

• Celebrating aging

• Making the most of today

• And many more

Each principle is presented in a straightforward, easy-to-read format, making the book both practical and highly accessible. My goal was not to write a long book. My goal was to write a useful one. Every page was written to provide value, encouragement, and insight that readers can apply immediately.

Whether you are just starting your adult journey, navigating a career, facing life’s inevitable challenges, or reflecting on your own experiences, I believe these principles can help you live more intentionally and more fully.

If even one principle helps you make a better decision, strengthen a relationship, find greater peace, or live with more purpose, then the book has accomplished its mission. I can honestly say that I wish someone had handed me this collection of lessons many years ago. Now I am honored to pass them on to you.

This is a book you can read in a weekend, revisit throughout the years, and share with the people you care about.

Available now for $19.95.

What you will receive

• Instant PDF download (Digital Book)

• Approximately 70 pages

• Read on your computer, tablet, or smartphone

• Lifetime access to your purchased copy.

You can purchase a copy of the book below.

Purchase now.

Thank you for allowing me to share this journey with you. I hope these principles serve you as well as they have served me.

Warmest regards,

Neal

Senior Mentor, Author, and Lifelong Student of Life

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Lost Time

Many studies suggest that a significant portion of the average workday is lost to interruptions, distractions, unnecessary meetings, and low-value activities. Whether that amount is two hours or far less, most of us can agree on one thing: we rarely spend the entire day focused on what matters most. Work has a way of pulling us in many directions, leaving little time to think, reflect, and regain perspective.

Reserve One Hour

That is why I recommend reserving one hour of your workday as personal productivity time. For years, I practiced this habit while working in demanding corporate environments, and it became one of the most valuable tools for maintaining effectiveness, reducing stress, and improving performance.

The process is simple. Block one hour on your calendar most workdays and treat it as an important appointment. Not every day will permit this due to meetings, deadlines, travel, or unexpected events, but strive to protect the time whenever possible. I often scheduled my hour around lunchtime or shortly afterward, when it was easier to create a natural break in the day.

Give the calendar entry a legitimate, business-related title and be selective about surrendering the time. If you work in an office, find a quiet location where interruptions are minimized. If you work from home, use the opportunity to disconnect from messages and distractions. If colleagues may need you urgently, let them know how to reach you, but otherwise guard the hour carefully.

Think and Compose Yourself

This hour is not for avoiding work. It is for doing some of your most valuable work. Use the time to evaluate priorities, organize your thoughts, address lingering issues, return important calls, plan upcoming activities, or focus on tasks that require uninterrupted concentration. Sometimes the best use of the hour is simply to think. Great decisions are often the result of reflection rather than reaction.

The hour can also serve as a personal recharge period. Take a short walk. Practice quiet reflection. Enjoy lunch without rushing. Close your eyes for a brief power nap if that helps you regain energy. A refreshed mind is more productive than an exhausted one.

What makes this practice so powerful is that it creates space between the demands of the day and your response to them. Instead of constantly reacting to emails, messages, meetings, and requests, you regain a sense of ownership over your work. You become more intentional, more focused, and often more effective.

Improve Performance and Well-Being

Over time, this daily investment can improve both performance and well-being. You may find yourself accomplishing more, making better decisions, and ending the workday with less stress and greater satisfaction. Perhaps most importantly, you arrive home with more energy for the people and activities that matter most.

Takeaway: Stepping back is often the fastest way forward.

Now, go make a bigger difference!

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Company’s Most Cherished Asset

Do you know your company’s most cherished asset? My experience is that most people do not. That’s sad to me because it can be problematic of why many organizations have stalled in their growth and effectiveness.

Here are some common answers to what a company’s most valued asset is. All are important, but only the last is correct.

• People? Many companies mistakenly say so in their core beliefs.

• Profit? Obviously important to a for-profit company, and sound financials are a sign of effective management even for nonprofits, academic institutions, and public sector entities.

• Products and services? Your products and services are magnets for clients.

• Clients? Without them, the company has no future.

• Intellectual property? Past investments help secure future success.

• Brand? How will customers know you otherwise?

• Marketing? The only way to tell customers about your products and services.

• Cash flow? Solid companies can pay their bills and invest in their future.

• Productivity? An ever-rising bar.

• Quality? Of course, this is important.

• Creativity and ingenuity? A company cannot rest on its laurels.

• Integrity? Getting warmer …

• Leaders? BINGO! A company’s most cherished asset is its leaders; it’s leadership!

Leaders Foretell a Company’s Success

A company’s leaders foretell that company’s success. If a company has mediocre leaders and the best employees, it will be a mediocre force in its industry. However, a company with the best leaders and mediocre employees will be a formidable force in its industry. Yes, formidable. It’s all about leadership. Interestingly, companies with the best leaders don’t have mediocre employees for long. Employees rise to the expectations of their leaders.

Think Like a Leader

Leaders place responsibility and accountability squarely on their own shoulders. My focus of leadership is quite simple, yet far-reaching: It’s not about the ability of those around you to lead; it’s about your ability to lead regardless of what is happening around you.

If you worked in my organization and came to me and said that you cannot be successful because of the weak support—weak leadership—around you, I would ask you what you are doing despite that which is happening around you. You are not a victim unless you choose to be.

Example

David works for me and is a project manager. His project has just ended, and it failed. I don’t mean that it didn’t complete. It did. It’s just that it completed late, over budget, and with low quality. David and I meet to discuss what happened on the project and what lessons we can learn.

In the mist of the discussion, David stands by two sentences that are not true; yet I hear these sentences dozens of times a year from project managers and other leaders in his situation:

1. It wasn’t my fault.

2. There was nothing I could do about it.

It’s Not My Fault

If you work for me, it’s always your fault—you are always accountable. I prefer things to be my fault; that way, I typically have a lot of latitude to avoid or correct the situation. Your worst hardship is if it truly was not your fault because you can lose flexibility and control.

Nothing I Could Do

As for David saying that there was nothing he could do to fix the problem, there are always things that a person can do. They may not like their options, but options, nonetheless, do exist.

But going back to David, before I could say anything, he asserted that the problem was the vendor, and that the vendor was half-way around the world in Asia. (David resides in North America.) He went on to say that the vendor had three deliverables, which the vendor said would be on schedule, but each was late. Furthermore, each deliverable was of low quality even though they were committed to be high quality. So, David again says: As you can see it wasn’t my fault and there was nothing I could do about it.

If It Is to Be, It Is Up to Me

I then said to David that I do not recall during the project you coming to me and requested funding to fly to the vendor’s location and turn the problem around. David quickly replied that the vendor does not want him over there messing around in the vendor’s business. I said, I don’t care what the vendor wanted. The vendor signed a contract and you, David, are my agent for success. Then I stated 10 two-letter words:

If it is to be, it is up to me.

Meaning that if it is to be then it is up to David to make it happen.

Effective Leaders Are Looking for Solutions

Most leaders I know—and I know many hundreds and have worked around thousands—would not have thought of flying halfway around the world at great expense of time and budget to turn this problem around. I am not saying that this is the best option, it depends on options already considered and what’s best for the business. But this is how a truly effective leader thinks: Not about how little control they have or the obstacles that may seem overwhelming, but what can be done to mitigate them. My experience is that, in examples like this, the squeaky wheel typically gets the proverbial oil and visiting the vendor almost always can improve the situation.

Remember: It’s not about the ability of those around you to lead; it’s about your ability to lead regardless of what is happening around you. As a leader, you are your company’s most cherished asset.

Now, go make a bigger difference!

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Footnote. Portions of this article were extracted from Power Skills that Lead to Exceptional Performance, by Neal Whitten, published by Business Expert Press, 2023.

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Elusive approval

At some time or another, you will find people who disapprove of your behavior or your decisions. You might even project those feelings toward others from time to time. Even the people you love, and who love you, will at times disapprove of your actions.

Just opinions

Keep in mind that other people’s opinions are just that—opinions. If you allow what other people say about you to immobilize you—to impact your thoughts or performance negatively—then you are saying, in effect, that what other people think about you is more important than what you think about yourself. Don’t give that power over to another person. Listen for helpful snippets from them, but remain in control of you.

Being liked

How important is being liked to you? Most people want to be liked. My experience is that many people have being liked as a primary objective each day when they go to work.

I believe that being liked is overrated. I would not recommend going to work with a primary objective of being liked. Why? Because you are going to have many days where you failed in that objective, and you may be greatly disappointed. I suggest instead, when you go to work, have the objective of demonstrating integrity. Simply put, integrity is knowing the difference between right and wrong and choosing the right action. If you routinely demonstrate integrity, you will likely be respected. If you are respected, you likely will be liked. But even then, there are no guarantees.

I don’t place a great need on your liking me. If I did, my messages and their deliveries would be different. But I do care about you. It is my objective to touch each one of you in some beneficial way so that you notably benefit from reading this article, even if it is only a reinforcement—a reminder—of what you already know and practice.

You may say: Really? You don’t care if we don’t like you? Look, I would love for all of you to love me but it’s not going to happen. It could be that in the first moment or two of reading, someone says to herself or himself: Oh my gosh! He reminds me of my Ex! … and that is not intended to be a compliment! There is nothing I can do about that. Therefore, I do not perpetuate the need to be liked, but I do want to be effective.

Parable

I like the lesson from this parable that perhaps you may have heard.

There was a young cat running around in a circle chasing its tail. It could not quite reach its tail and eventually began to tire. An older, wiser cat looking on asked the young cat what it was doing. It replied that it was told that happiness is in its tail and if it could grab ahold of its tail, it would have eternal happiness. The older cat said, You have been told correctly, happiness is in your tail. But I have found that if you do not chase your tail, but instead go about fulfilling your dreams, it will follow you everywhere you go.

Don’t chase after the approval of others; do the right thing and it will mostly come to you.

Q&As

Question: Say what you will, but I do care what people say about me. I don’t see me being able to change this feeling in me. Comment?

Answer: Look, we all want to be liked. However, you don’t want to depend on being liked to function effectively and successfully. It is achievable to both want to be liked and still maintain control over your thoughts. It’s about not giving others the power over your future thoughts and actions. You must remain in control of you if you care about your integrity and independence.

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Question: What if I am not liked by a co-worker, yet I view the co-worker has inappropriately judged me from misinformation? Should I attempt to correct this?

Answer: It may be possible to have a private meeting with the co-worker and walk away with increased respect for each other. But it is also possible that the person will hold firmly to her or his beliefs. I respect you for trying. However, I want to caution you not to chase after most of these situations. If you do, you are letting it negatively control you. The higher your level at work and the more visible you become, the more frequent you will find yourself in these situations. It’s just a simple fact of life that no one can fully avoid.

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Now, go make a bigger difference!

Footnote. Portions of this article were extracted from Power Skills that Lead to Exceptional Performance, by Neal Whitten, published by Business Expert Press, 2023.

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Note: This article discusses escalations in reference to projects; however, it also fully applies to escalations that are outside the project arena.

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Critical problems commonly do not receive adequate attention

One of the most difficult but common situations we face in our jobs is how to resolve critical problems when we must depend on someone else who chooses not to accommodate our needs.

I often have been asked to come into organizations and assess progress on troubled projects. In every case, the top problem I identify is that the most critical problems are not receiving adequate attention. I am talking about problems that, if not solved quickly, can cause significant harm, such as missed schedules, compromised quality, cost overruns, and lost customers. If inattention to these critical problems has such an impact on an organization’s success, why aren’t we better at wrestling them to closure?

A number of reasons come to mind:

• We are afraid of conflict

• We are afraid we will “burn bridges” with our colleagues

• We think we will lose on the matter anyway

• We don’t want to look bad

• We don’t want someone else to look bad

• We aren’t convinced our position is correct

• We don’t want to expend the time and energy

• We don’t know how to resolve the conflict professionally

• We aren’t sure what acceptable behavior is in our organization

• We don’t view the item as critical (but it is).

Definitions of an issue and an escalation

What causes a problem to become critical, to become an issue?

An issue results when two parties are unable to agree on the resolution of a problem. If left unresolved, an issue can have a notable impact on the project.

What does one do when an issue arises? Escalate the issue to closure.

An escalation is the process of calling upon higher levels of project leadership, management, or both to resolve an issue.

Neither party is wrong

When two parties are unable to agree on the resolution of an issue—after a sincere attempt to negotiate—an escalation is pursued to resolve the issue. In most cases, neither party is “wrong.” Both are correct from their own points of view and missions. Often a higher-level person with broader responsibility for the project is required to resolve the issue and weigh the options more objectively on behalf of the overall impact to the project.

If you owned the company

Escalate is not a dirty word. If you owned a company and two parties within your company (or one inside and one outside your company) could not agree on the resolution of an issue, would you want them to raise the issue to higher levels of project leadership/management or allow the issue to drift? Of course, the former is the course of action you would expect.

Escalations are good for business

Escalations are a healthy and essential part of business, largely because they:

• Provide a check-and-balance mechanism to help ensure that proper action is taken

• Resolve problems early

• Help reduce frustration among project members

• Improve overall productivity by reducing rework that can result from implementing the wrong plan

• Help prioritize work activities

• Encourage employee participation and ownership of problems.

There are different approaches to conducting an escalation. For example, some organizations insist that the next levels of management on both sides of an issue be present. Others allow the dissenter to take the issue up the other chain of management with the optional presence of the dissenter’s management. Be certain that you understand the approach followed in your organization.

Guidelines for escalating an issue

1. Escalate only after a sincere attempt has been made to resolve the issue with the other party. Escalating is not an excuse to avoid confronting the other party. Moreover, it is important to sincerely attempt to negotiate a resolution before initiating an escalation. In most cases, the parties involved can reach an agreement and an escalation will not be necessary.

2. The dissenter typically is responsible for escalating the issue. This means that if you are the one who needs the other party to come around, you must initiate the escalation. The exception is if the other party does not have approval rights on your work; in this case, the other party must initiate the escalation.

3. Initiate the escalation within two workdays of knowing the problem is unresolvable at its current level. Usually, the escalation meeting can occur within two days. However, if you are escalating to high levels of management, you will find it more difficult to schedule immediate or near-immediate meetings. So, initiate the escalation within two workdays to get your meeting on management’s busy calendars.

4. Escalate the problem; not the person. Don’t make the disagreement personal. You are escalating because the issue is a business matter that must be resolved. As I said earlier, typically, neither party is wrong; each is championing a position from their perspective—as they should.

5. Always inform your management prior to initiating an escalation. Your management must be aware of your intent because you will need their support. They may be able to help you in preparing your position, or they may wish to attend. Keep in mind that if they do not support your position, management might direct you to abstain. This step can also help you prepare and validate your point of view.

6. Always inform involved parties before beginning the escalation. You want all parties prepared to ensure that the escalation meeting is productive and focused on facts. Preparing the involved parties may also accelerate reaching a resolution.

7. While an escalation is under way, do not stop working the plan of record. If some aspect of the plan is being escalated or might be affected by the outcome, don’t wait for the issue to be resolved before continuing to work on the plan. It would be disastrous for project members to sit idle or to work on an unapproved plan while the approved plan is being escalated. No one can know for certain the outcome of the escalation; therefore, it typically is best to keep everyone marching together until an official decision otherwise has been made.

After an escalation has been resolved, move on

After an issue is resolved, both parties should abide by the decision made. Only if significant new information becomes available that could reverse the decision should the escalation be revisited. Otherwise, consider the issue closed.

Remember, issues are serious problems that, if left unattended, can bring a project to its knees. Issues deserve the highest priority attention within a project.

Q&As

Here are common questions that I often must field:

Question: How does a person know how far up the management chain to take an escalation?

Answer: You should continue escalating an issue until one of four conditions occurs:

• You obtain a resolution that is acceptable to you

• A decision has been made by the person who is the head of the organizations of both dissenting parties

• A decision has been made by the project sponsor

• Your resource manager or a manager directly up your management chain tells you to stop escalating.

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Question: Are there specific steps that should be followed when escalating?

Answer: An organization should have an escalation process defined for all projects and all employees to follow. This process should clearly document the steps to be taken.

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Question: What role does a project manager have in ensuring that stakeholders understand the escalation process to be followed on his or her project?

Answer: The project manager has full responsibility for ensuring that every stakeholder understands the importance of the escalation process and how to use it. At a minimum, a document should be developed and distributed to all stakeholders addressing this topic. However, it is more useful to call a meeting of all stakeholders to discuss, with real-life scenarios, the application of the escalation process. The preferred approach is to teach the escalation process near the start of the project.

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Question: When conducting an escalation, which approach do you prefer: (1) the next levels of management on both sides of an issue are present, or (2) the dissenter takes the issue up the other chain of management, with optional presence of the dissenter’s management?

Answer: The approach is a choice that your escalation process should define. However, my preference is almost always option 2. I prefer to teach self-reliance and personal accountability whenever reasonable. In cases where the person who must initiate the escalation is a new employee or is uncertain of himself or herself, then some leadership figure (such as the project manager or the person’s manager) should be there to assist.

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Question: It’s not clear to me when I must be the party to initiate the escalation of an issue or when the other party has the duty to initiate the escalation. Can you help me here?

Answer: Let’s first talk about what it means to be an approver versus a reviewer.

An approver is a person who must personally give his or her approval on an item (for example, a document, plan, or action) before that item can be considered approved. Approvers frequently have a dependency on the item to perform their work and meet their commitments.

A reviewer is a person who has an interest in an item (for example, a document, plan, or action), but the item does not necessarily impact his or her own work or commitments. The item should be made available for review to reviewers but can be considered approved without their agreement.

Let’s look at the likely permutations:

• If you are unable to obtain agreement (sign-off) from an approver, then you must initiate the escalation.

• If you are unable to obtain agreement (sign-off) from a reviewer, you “don’t care” because you do not need the reviewer’s agreement. Of course, you want to be professionally considerate; after all, the reviewer may have some information worthy of consideration that can be of benefit.

• If you are the approver and do not give your approval, then the other party must initiate the escalation to obtain your approval (sign-off).

• If you are the reviewer and are unable to obtain agreement from the other party, then you must initiate the escalation because the other party doesn’t require your agreement and, therefore, is not motivated to spend time negotiating your agreement.

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Question: Should escalations funnel through the project manager or bypass the project manager and proceed up through management?

Answer: The project manager should always be kept informed of issues that require escalating. Working with the parties involved, the project manager may be able to help resolve some of the issues. Here again, the extent of participation and authority of the project manager to resolve project issues with little or no management involvement varies across organizations. Consult your resource manager and project manager for the process to be followed on your project and in your organization.

Interestingly, I have found that many, if not most, escalations involve the availability of people resources and the prioritization of those resources. For example, it is common for a project member to work across multiple projects, and an escalation is required to shift the priority of that person’s efforts from one project to another.

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Now, go make a bigger difference!

Footnote. Portions of this article were extracted from Neal Whitten’s No-Nonsense Advice for Successful Projects, by Neal Whitten, published by Berrett-Koehler.

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Target audience

The primary target audience for this article is, quite simply, nearly everyone. You can be a project leader, team member, manager, or executive. You can work from home, own your own business, or be a stay-at-home parent or caregiver. This article can even be beneficial for students and people just entering the work force as well as people closing in on retirement.

Overview

I have personally wrestled with my own work-life balance issues for most of my adult life. In my younger adult days, I could easily have been categorized as a workaholic. I was divorced after a 17-year marriage and did not see the break-up coming. I’m not saying that a better work-life balance would have saved the marriage, but a poor work-life balance sure didn’t help it any.

For me, the integration of my work life and my non-work life has been a rough ride at times but—as a senior-aged person—I have learned a massive amount of knowledge and, dare I say, wisdom, about the highly important subject of finding a satisfactory harmony across all aspects of life. I have also read the research and musings from many valuable contributors that have opened my eyes even wider on maintaining a healthy work-life balance. My mission here is to sift through the data and present to you meaningful information that can help you not only better understand your work-life balance but to give you ideas that can help you achieve the integration that is most important to you.

Impact of poor work-life balance

Work-life balance can mean something different to each of us. For purposes of this article, work-life balance is about achieving an acceptable harmony or integration between your work life—or career—and your personal life.

If you have difficulty in juggling the demands of your job and your non-work life, you’re not alone. Many people feel like their lives are overbooked and see no relief in sight. Nowadays work-life balance can seem like an unrealistic objective. Technology allows workers to be assessable every hour of every day throughout the year. With cutbacks and layoffs a near constant threat, job loss fears can encourage working more hours each week. Work-life balance can seem more elusive than ever.

Studies show that a poor work-life balance can result in unhealthy levels of stress and unhappiness. At risk are your personal relationships, your career, and your development as a person, to name a few. Moreover, too much time spent working has its own problems. You run the risk of burning out and hating your job, maybe even yourself. You wake up one day and realize you’re not happy with your life.

What does matter is that you create a personally meaningful life that helps you feel happy and healthy overall. While balancing work and non-work life might not be easy early in one’s career, figuring it out is necessary to lifelong satisfaction. Almost everyone wishes that they had realized the importance of work-life balance at the beginning of their career. Doing so would have meant less regrets and a more deliberate life. But whatever your age, you can still seize control and drive towards the balance you most desire.

Work-Life Balance Questionnaire

Let’s take the Questionnaire for Self-Assessing Your Work-Life Balance. The purpose of this assessment instrument is to score your work-life balance and heighten your awareness of the behaviors that are affecting your work-life balance.

The Questionnaire document will:

• Provide a set of multiple-choice questions

• Show you how to calculate your score

• Describe what that score means in terms of your work-life balance

• Discuss the score’s reliability, and

• Disclose several benefits from taking the questionnaire

The Questionnaire is presented as a PDF as a downloadable attachment. Download the PDF and follow its instructions.

Questionnaire For Self Assessing Your Work Life Balance Neal Whitten

153KB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

After you have taken the Questionnaire, return here and continue reading this article.

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At this point you have either taken the questionnaire and calculated your work-life balance score, or you plan to take the questionnaire later.

10 Actions you can take in achieving your desired work-life balance

Now the big question to face: What actions can you take to achieve your desired balance between your work and personal lives?

Let’s examine many important actions and behaviors that can help you in your quest to achieve the elusive work-life balance.

1. Create a vision for what you would like your life to look like

Ask yourself what you would like your life to look like both from a career perspective and a personal perspective and how you see these two major components integrating. Then define and document what you envision a typical, desirable day would look like beginning from the time you wake up until you call it a day. That day could have interaction with family members, time for exercising, eating healthy, of course time for work activities, personal chores, special events and some downtime to compose and reenergize yourself.

Use this vision as a baseline to ensure that you steadfastly adopt actions and behaviors that move you towards your vision. Then define the priorities in your life that are important to support this vision—including those priorities that are non-negotiable except for emergencies; examples could be special family events, sleep, and exercise. The bottom line is that in order to improve upon your work-life balance it is essential that you have a vision of what you would like that integration to look like.

2. Set your priorities each day

At the start of each work day, create a to-do list that includes the identification of your top three priorities to focus on for the day. If you have timeframes available of 30 minutes or more, do not work the bottom items of your to-do list, focus instead on the top three. Your top three items are so important that they define your overall value, contributions, and success in your job. Work off your top three priorities every 2-3 days and replace them with your next set of priorities. If your top three priorities may take weeks or months to resolve, then, within 2-3 days, put a detailed, trackable plan in place to deal with the priority. Then remove that top-three priority from your list and routinely track your new plan until it is complete.

If occasionally you experience a day that is so hectic with fire fights and “please handles” that you never get around to working on your top three priorities, that’s okay; you work in a complex, demanding environment. However, if you frequently have days where you do not focus on your top three priorities, then you are the problem and need to seek help to effectively manage your workload.

If your personal life is as chaotic as your work life, consider creating the to-do list for non-work activities as well.

3. Track your time

For one week, keep track of where and with whom you spend your time during your waking hours both at work and in your personal life. Record in increments of 30-60 minutes. The objective is to identify time well spent that support your priorities and interests as well as time that—looking over the big picture—was not considered put to good use. This exercise is invaluable as you look for ways to fine tune your behaviors throughout each day. Experience shows that you will likely experience some “ah-ha” moments as you look more objectively into your routine behaviors.

4. Limit time-wasting activities and people

This action will free you to spend more time on the important activities and people, and will likely provide you with additional time that you did not realize you had. Not only will your productivity benefit, the quality of your work and the satisfaction you get from your work likely will also increase. Many people spend too much time on things that don’t really matter. Time, arguably, is the most valuable commodity in life: it is the one thing you cannot buy more of; therefore, don’t waste it.

The last tip we had discussed, “Track your time,” can help here. Also, as your day unfolds, get in the habit of consciously questioning if the time you are about to spend or the time you just spent is, indeed, an effective use of your time. After a while, this can become second nature and you will more effectively choose the areas where you dedicate your time.

5. Learn to say “no”

Ensure that your commitments mostly support your priorities. Your inability or unwillingness to say “no” can easily allow you to lose control over your day and those things that matter most to you. If you need to buy some time to think about your final decision of whether or not to say “no,” then do so—even sleeping on it. Use whatever methods will help you better control where you commit your time. If you do not seize control over the commitments you make, your time will be surrendered to others… and you will not like the impact to you. You have far more control over your day and how you spend it than you may realize.

6. Build “me time” into your schedule each day

Don’t forget to take time for yourself. While planning your week, reserve 1-2 hours per day of “me time.” The “me time” should include scheduling one thing you look forward to each day, including on your days off from work. Log the item on your calendar and don’t view this time as an easy giveaway. Actions that might qualify are reading a book, checking in with a good friend, taking a walk, time to catch up on lose ends, enjoying a 15-minute power nap, or simply being alone.

A little “down time” to recharge your batteries can go a long way, especially on days that are exceptionally hectic. Doing nothing can sometimes be what your health and life needs. This recharge time can make the difference between a dreadful day and a satisfying day. Also consider doing something special for yourself at least one evening a week.

7. Maintain one calendar

Integrate your work and personal calendars into one. This can help you maintain a more fair perspective over both areas of your life and more thoughtfully take into account your priorities in both camps. For most people, it’s all about an integrated life, not just work or non-work.

8. Put yourself first

Put yourself first. Take care of yourself. Look out for yourself. This advice goes against what many of us learned growing up. But think about it: By putting yourself first, only then can you be your best and give your best to others.

An example is on an airplane and the oxygen masks drop due to a potential emergency. You are directed to place the mask on yourself before helping someone in need next to you. You must make sure that you are in a position of strength before you can be your best for all that which comes your way and all those who may have a dependency on you.

Another example of putting yourself first is protecting your private time. Don’t be so quick to sacrifice your private time for other work and personal events. Your private time may be essential for catching your breath, recharging your energy, and reaching a level of understanding and acceptance with yourself and all that going on around you. If you have serious work-life balance issues, not putting yourself first was likely a major cause of the dilemma you now find yourself embroiled in.

9. Take vacation and long weekends

Take all of your vacation and personal days each year. Make sure that you take at least one full week off. But be daring: take a two-week break. It can be humbling, but you really won’t be missed back at the office as much as you think.

By the way, I’m not talking about taking your office with you on vacation. I really am talking about taking a real vacation where you can relax and get in touch with other dimensions of your life. If you have ever taken a real vacation—even over a long weekend—you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, don’t you think it’s time you did? Get your batteries recharged and come back with more energy than ever.

10. Take time for loved ones

Take time for loved ones. At least once per week find special time to spend with your partner, each of your children, and connect with an outside family member or close friend. The time you invest now in these relationships will not only give you pleasure, but it will also be an investment that will pay handsomely over the years.

Senior-aged people commonly note that the most meaningful part of their lives is the time spent with loved ones and close friends. Studies show that people who have built a close social network are mentally and emotionally better able to deal with life’s challengers.

Begin with small steps

In addressing your work-life balance issues, refrain from implementing radical changes such as eliminating all overtime work and never bringing your work home. If you start off with radical changes, it will be far more difficult to sustain the changes and you could end up abandoning any changes at all.

Small changes that stick will encourage you to continue with more changes and over time you will see yourself approaching the work-life balance you have always desired. Better to make some small changes that bear fruit than go for the big changes and meet with little or no success.

A few more thoughts on work-life balance

You are now armed to revisit your work-life balance and take charge in moving it to the point you most desire. But before we end, I want to share a few more thoughts on work-life balance.

You get to define what work-life balance means to you. Balance is an individual thing and everyone must find their own. It’s not about what others think; it’s about what you desire for you. You achieve work-life balance by first defining the balance you most desire. Then you examine your current life and decide if that balance is being achieved. If it’s not, then, starting with the ideas presented in this article, you can put a plan in place that will deliberately move you into the desired direction. Then periodically revisit your work-life balance situation and adjust your actions and behaviors where and when needed.

If you are thinking that you are powerless or near powerless to make the needed changes in your life, don’t go there. If you are thinking that you are too important, too busy, or too committed to change now, again, don’t go there. Although you may be at a point at work or in your life that you cannot introduce significant change—if that’s what’s needed—this is only a speed bump that will pass. You will find many opportunities to move on with the life you most desire. However, you might not like your immediate choices but choices do exist and they are a starting point. You do not have to accept that you are a victim. You may want it all but can you accept not having it all without putting yourself through a heavy dose of regret, guilt and trauma?

The goal for most people is to create a personal life that has meaning and leaves us happy and healthy overall. Writer Eric Barker said in his article, Barking Up the Wrong Tree, that the happiest people are not the people who don’t have a care in the world. Those people are bored. Research shows that the happiest people are busy—but don’t feel rushed. Anxiety is reduced by a feeling of control. And what do studies say about work-life balance? Same thing—a feeling of control is key.

Your work-life balance is something that can easily be put off for another day, another week, another year—but you already know that. Now is the time to seize the control over your life and to make it the life you most desire. It’s possible that this article could be the catalyst to change the rest of your life.

Closing

It is my hope that this article was helpful to you either in exposing you to new and useful ideas or reinforcing ideas that you may already have in play. I am not looking for us to agree on all ideas but I do believe it is healthy for us to put ideas forward for their examination and then each of us think for ourselves and arrive at our own conclusions.

Now, go make a bigger difference!

Footnote. This article was derived from an online 2.5-hour course also called Achieving the Elusive Work-Life Balance authored by me and produced by Velociteach. The online course has more than double the actions revealed in this article. You can learn more about the online course here: https://courses.velociteach.com/online-courses/neal-whitten-achieving-the-elusive-work-life-balance/.

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Target audience

The target audience for this article is any employee, but particularly those in leadership positions. Examples are project leaders, managers, and anyone and everyone who aspires to be a more effective leader. For illustrative purposes, I will focus on the position of project manager to discuss the topic of being too soft. However, if you are other than a project manager, the content and messages are still applicable to you. Being too soft is a problem that can affect all employees.

What is “Too Soft”?

Let’s begin with a simple question: Do you believe that you tend to be too soft at work? What I mean by being too soft is demonstrating behavior that results in you being consistently less effective than what is otherwise possible—and needed—in performing your responsibilities.

Whenever I ask this question at conferences, seminars, or webinars, most people respond with a yes, they tend to be too soft. Having worked with thousands of project managers, I have found that most project managers are indeed, too soft. In fact, most people in leadership positions tend to be too soft. This is not good.

10 Examples of Too-Soft Behavior

Let’s look at some examples of too-soft behavior. Ask yourself if you are too soft in any of these areas.

1. You behave as if you have the responsibility but without the authority

If you behave this way, then you are too soft. I do face time with hundreds of people each year. I frequently hear project managers say that they have the responsibility but not the authority. This is not true. You almost always have the authority; you don’t take it.

Here’s an example. When was the last time you were called on the carpet—challenged—for exceeding your authority? Was it within the past week? Past month? Past year? Was it ever? My experience is that less than 15% of people in a large group—a statistically valid size group—have ever experienced being confronted for exceeding their authority. This is sad to me. But what is sadder is that most project managers will never experience being called-out on exceeding their authority across their entire career! My assertion is that you almost always have the authority—you just don’t seize it. You are too soft.

By the way, if you are one of the few folks that has been challenged for exceeding your authority—and what you did was both ethical and legal—then I applaud you. You are pushing the envelop—raising the bar—to help your project and organization be more successful.

There are two types of people in an organization. (1) 95 percent are maintaining things at their current momentum. This is good. These are solid performers. (2) Then there is the five percent who are pushing the envelope. These are the thought leaders, those that are pushing the state of the art. Without these five percent, the company would lose its edge in competing—in being the best.

2. You consistently take on too much work

If you take on too much work, you are too soft. I was mentoring Vijay, a project manager of a 15-member team. Vijay knew the so-called hard skills of project management as well as anyone but had weak soft skills. I attended one of Vijay’s project tracking meetings and observed that there were 50 open action items on the project and he owned 40 of them—80%! I asked him why he owns so many. I said, as the project manager, it’s not good if you take on too much work. That will place you on the project’s critical path, and the PM should never be on the critical path. Being so means that the PM is not accessible to help grease the skids of those on the project that are legitimately in the critical path. If the project manager is on the critical path, then he will be tied up in too many meetings, traveling too much, and isolated from helping others.

Vijay could not adequately explain to me—to my understanding—why he had so many action items. I really couldn’t get it until I accompanied him throughout his workday. It then became apparent to me why he had so many action items. Vijay was easily intimidated by several of the project members. When he would approach them about taking on action items that were within their domains of responsibility, they would refuse to take them on—siting some excuse such as they were too busy. Rather than insisting on their accountability, Vijay did not want to have any members upset with him so he would placate them by assigning himself the new action items. Vijay was too soft by not standing up to some of his project members and taking on the work himself.

I demonstrated to Vijay an approach to fixing the problem. The next project member we visited who Vijay was certain would resist taking on a new action item that truly was his, I did the talking. We walked into Jim’s cubicle, and I told Jim that I have a new action item that I was going to assign him because it was within his domain of responsibility. Jim, as predicted, said that he didn’t have time to work on it, so it was pointless to assign the action item to him. I made it clear why Jim owned this item, but Jim still refused to accept it. I then said to Jim I want to ensure he gets the help he needs if he is so overworked that he cannot do his assigned job. I said lets you and me and Vijay, right now, go visit his boss and see if we can’t get Jim the help he needs. Jim suddenly had a reversal of attitude and accepted the new action item.

3. You require the personal approval of others to function

Here is another example of being too soft: If you personally require the approval of those around you to function from day-to-day, then you will likely find their behavior to have an immobilizing effect on you, it can stop you in your tracks. Don’t ever give that kind of power to another person. What other people think of you should never be more important than what you think of yourself.

Deep down, most of us would like to have the approval of others. We would like to be liked and respected by everyone and all the time. But this is not realistic; it just is not going to happen. It is very likely, even in your own family where everyone loves each other, there will be times when some statement you made or action you took resulted in not receiving the approval you would have liked. Well, if this can happen in a family setting, then you know there will be times when your actions will not be met with great approval at work. Just because you don’t receive the approval of another person doesn’t necessarily mean you were wrong—or that they are right. It is quite legitimate for two people to have opposing views and neither necessarily be wrong.

As a leader, there will be times when you will need to advance ideas and take actions that everyone will not agree with. Listen to what people have to say. Weigh it appropriately. But don’t be too soft where you fail in your duty to lead and make things happen.

4. You fail to perform your assignments as if you owned the business

When you look around you for the people who you respect the most, they are likely folks who come to work each day with the mindset that they perform their duties as if they owned the business—and the business is defined by their domain of responsibility. If you have owned your own company, you will know exactly what I mean. You cannot put food in your belly or pay your mortgage unless you are successful. It’s this passion that helps people achieve their best. These are people who make things happen. They believe—and their actions demonstrate—that the buck stops here and that they are fully accountable for the project.

Your boss and your senior management want you to take charge over your domain of responsibility with the passion that comes about when you behave as if you own the business. If you hesitate or routinely pull back then, again, you are demonstrating too-soft behavior.

5. You hold back from providing constructive criticism

If you hold back from providing constructive criticism to a project or team member then you are demonstrating too-soft behavior. I often hear project managers say, If I were so perfect then I would not have a problem constructively criticizing those around me. But I am not perfect and therefore I am uncomfortable criticizing others.

My reply is that leadership is not about perfection; it’s about teaching. Leaders are teachers. Your job is to teach those on your team what they need to know when they need to know so that they do not repeat the same mistakes; so they are continuously growing.

6. You avoid escalating to higher levels of management

If you have an issue with a person or group that is at an apparent impasse for resolution—and you delay or avoid altogether escalating that issue to higher leadership for appropriate resolution—then you are too soft. When you encounter an issue whose resolution is stalled, you should initiate the escalation within two workdays of knowing that the issue is not appropriately progressing to closure. What? You ask why you must wait two days? You don’t have to wait two days. You can escalate it within two hours or two seconds. What’s key is don’t delay escalating for two weeks or two months—make sure it is within two days. It is far too common in most organizations to delay the required escalation of issues for far more than just two days—often weeks.

7. You are lax in holding project members accountable

As a project manager, your job includes ensuring that each member of your team understands his or her job, commits to that job, and is then held accountable to accomplish that job. You are demonstrating too-soft behavior if you are lax in holding your project members accountable.

Let’s look at an example: I am mentoring Jack, a project manager. We are standing on the first floor of a high rise building waiting for the elevator to arrive. When it does, out steps Jill, a team leader on Jack’s project. Jack and Jill say their hellos and you can see that their relationship is friendly and engaging. Jill leaves and Jack and I step into the elevator. Before the door closes, Jill runs back and says that there is an item she needs to discuss. Jack and I move out of the elevator to talk with Jill.

Jill says that an activity she owns that is scheduled to complete in two days will require an additional week. Jack says that that’s not good and asks why the delay. Jill says she had expected to obtain approval from a handful of managers but now believes she should get approval from all the managers across the organization—which will take another week. Jack said to Jill if she believes that this is the right thing to do then take the extra week but don’t allow the activity to delay any longer than that. Jill, obviously pleased, walks off and Jack and I return to the elevator and are ascending.

Jack turns to me and says, I didn’t do good, did I? It’s interesting that we know when we don’t do well. Our instincts are excellent at warning us. I say to Jack, You could have done better. For example, you could have said to Jill that you want the activity to complete within two days as it is currently scheduled and if I (meaning Jack) must call a meeting tomorrow morning of all the managers to obtain their approval, then I will do so. But I don’t want the activity delayed.

As you listen to this example, what you don’t know is what the activity is that was delayed: it was defining the software development process to be used on the project… such as what are the documents and other deliverables to be produced, whether design reviews or code inspections will occur, etc. But the project had proceeded already to the point where code is being dropped into a formal test—it’s too late for some of the software development process activities to be implemented. Worse is that Jill had delayed getting this approval three times earlier—each time at least several weeks. Clearly, Jack has been too soft in holding Jill accountable over this period of time.

8. You delay asking for help when needed

If you delay asking for help, you are too soft. It doesn’t matter the reason you put off seeking help, you are harming the project by not resolving an issue within an appropriate time frame. If you don’t ask for the help needed, then you become the problem.

In the increasingly complex and competitive world, we are asked to do more with less. All of us, if we are truly stretching ourselves, will be overwhelmed occasionally. Often, asking for help is the right behavior to embrace. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Doing so can not only increase your personal value but can be a big benefit for your team.

9. You complain rather than constructively work issues to closure

I don’t believe that you should ever complain about anything—ever! Complaining is negative energy and adds no value to resolving the issue at hand. People who complain are exhibiting too soft behavior by averting the problem fixed from truly being fixed.

But make sure you understand what I mean by complaining. An example of complaining is when person A complains to person B about something that person C can fix. In this scenario, person A just wasted his time and person B’s time. However, if person A “complains” so-to-speak to person C—the person who can fix the problem, then this is not complaining to me. This is the first step of the solution by informing the person who can do something about it.

10. You predominantly focus daily on other than the top three problems/priorities

Again, this is more too-soft behavior. By the way, in this context, I view the terms priorities and problems the same. That is, your top three priorities are also your top three problems vying for your attention.

Instantly identify your top three priorities

So… if I were to put you on the spot and ask you what your top three priorities at work are right now and you could not rattle them off within three snaps of the fingers, then you are not a consistently effective leader. You might be thinking how dare I judge you by so little information; that if I gave you a few minutes then you could come up with your top three priorities.

But if you need time to identify them then I restate my assertion that you are not a consistently effective leader. Instead, you are managing your day by the plethora of interruptions that come your way; by the noise and the minutia that fall over you. You are allowing your day to be managed by others instead of you taking charge and managing to the most important priorities. You are too soft if you are not seizing control of your domain of responsibility and primarily managing to your top three priorities each and every day.

30 minutes or more, work on top three

If you have five minutes between meetings and you can eliminate one of your bottom items on your to-do list, then go for it. But if you have 30 minutes or more between meetings, do not work on the bottom to-do items. 30 minutes is what I call significant time. You should be working on your top three priorities—they define your contributions, the value you bring to your job, your career.

The number one reason why projects fail

This is a good time to share with you what I believe may be a profound assertion. We have all seen lists touting the top 10 reasons why projects fail. The usual suspects tend to include weak requirements, scope creep, unreliable estimates, incomplete staffing, poor communications, weak senior stakeholder support, and others. However, from my experience these lists miss the biggest reason—the number one reason—why projects fail: Because the project manager does not manage to his or her top three priorities daily.

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We have just discussed several examples of too-soft behavior. If you routinely exhibit these too-soft behaviors, then you are clearly too soft—you tend to take the easy way out rather than do the right thing by demonstrating effective behavior. If you only occasionally slip into this behavior, then that may not be serious cause for alarm.

Why We Are Too-Soft

Let’s look at why most people tend to be too soft. There are many reasons but here are some of the more common ones.

• We don’t know how not to be too soft

Perhaps no one ever told us about the notion of being too soft in terms as focused as in this article. Recognition that being too soft can harm a project and even your career is an important first step.

• We are afraid of alienating others; concerned that people will not like us

That they will avoid us, not want to work with us or simply show their ongoing dislike for us.

• We are uncomfortable getting too much attention and having to defend our actions

We don’t want to be thrust in the spotlight. Once attention is focused on us, we feel vulnerable and the need to defend ourselves.

• We are concerned that we might hurt someone’s feelings

Another reason why we are too soft might be that we are concerned that our behavior might, in some way, be taken personally. We might feel that it is virtuous to not be truthful or insistent in not doing the right thing if we can avoid making a person look bad.

• We don’t understand our job

We are too soft because we simply don’t understand our job. We don’t realize that our job requires us to make things happen—to take the initiative—in the most effective manner.

• We are uncomfortable asking for help

Some people are uncomfortable asking for help. They feel that doing so is a sign of weakness. What’s ironic is that asking for help is typically a sign of strength; NOT asking for help is really the sign of weakness.

• We are concerned that tougher behavior will burn bridges, be career limiting

When in fact, NOT being too soft will likely and significantly support a strong career.

Close

As you can see, being too soft can easily undermine your ability to excel at your job and make things happen. But don’t despair. Almost all leaders who perform their roles effectively today had these challenges to overcome yesterday. I know I did.

If you frequently demonstrate too-soft behaviors, then you clearly are too soft. But if you only occasionally lapse into this mode, you are likely fine. Everyone slips from time to time. Don’t beat yourself up. Learn from your experiences and be determined to continually become more effective. Being too soft is a liability that everyone sees. NOT being too soft is an asset that draws respect and will cause many of your colleagues to strive to emulate your behaviors.

Now, go make a bigger difference!

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Of the broad body of knowledge, skills, and special insights that I have acquired over the years—information that has greatly helped me become a more effective leader and employee—one of the most helpful pieces of information to affect my thinking and behavior is this: When you go to work each day, behave as if you own the business and that business is defined by your domain of responsibility.

You Are a Businessperson First

We are all faced with making dozens—perhaps hundreds—of meaningful decisions a week. If we get in the habit of making these decisions as if we were making them for our own personal business, I assert that we not only would make better decisions overall, but that we would make them more quickly. You are a businessperson first and an employee second. It’s all about business.

Focus First on Your Assignment

When you start your work each day, do not focus on moving your company forward. If possible, do not focus on your company at all. Yes, you read correctly. Instead, focus first on your assignment as if you have the most important assignment in the company—because you do—to you. If you aren’t looking out for your assignment, nobody else will. Channel your energies toward successfully completing your assignments—your domain of responsibility. If everyone in your company focused first on his or her domain of responsibility, the company would do just fine. In fact, your company would probably be more successful than it is today.

Domain of Responsibility

Your domain of responsibility includes all responsibilities and commitments that fall within the scope of your assignment. In short, it is the area for which you are accountable. Focusing on your domain of responsibility doesn’t mean that you don’t care about your company. Your actions demonstrate the opposite. The success of your assignments strengthens the success of your company. Focus on you and your team members being accountable for their respective domains of responsibility and the rest will follow.

Example

You own the company. You have 10 projects going on at any point in time: Project 1 through Project 10. For simplicity, let’s say that you also have 10 project managers—one for each project. Project 1, run by Matt, is especially important to you because it is responsible for 30 percent of the revenue next year. The other nine projects are equally weighted in terms of the revenue they bring in next year, about eight percent each. Of course, eight percent revenue is not chump change, but it is hardly as significant as Project 1’s 30 percent.

Here is a question for you as the business owner. You plan to have all 10 project managers in a meeting to discuss your expectations of them. What do you tell the nine project managers to do if Matt’s project, Project 1, gets in trouble and Matt requests help from one or more of the other nine project managers? Naturally you want to protect the 30 percent revenue you expect from a successful Project 1. Some possible answers might be:

1. Do whatever you need to do to help Matt with Project 1.

2. Help Matt any way you can, providing it does not negatively impact on your own schedules and commitments.

3. Do not volunteer to help Matt at all. Require that he first go through a designated mediator to ensure that Matt’s requests are reasonable and are in the best business interests of the company.

4. Require that Matt go first to your manager and then do whatever your manager directs you to do.

5. Other.

When I play out this scenario in a live class, most of the respondents choose “1”: Do whatever you need to do to help Matt with Project 1. Let’s run with this answer for a moment. Let’s also fast forward. Matt’s project is indeed in trouble. Matt approaches Katie who is the PM for Project 2 and informs her that he needs her help. Matt says that she has Coleman on her team who has skills that he desperately needs. Matt requests Coleman for a three-week period. If Katie gives up Coleman for three weeks, she knows that she no longer can meet her project’s commitments. What does she do? What should she do? Well, if you, as the company owner, told her answer 1, then Katie sacrifices her project and hands over Coleman for three weeks—or maybe longer. You probably see the problem here. Worst case scenario, Matt may have caused all nine projects to be sacrificed—70 percent of next year’s revenue—to save his project that contributes only 30 percent revenue.

Always Find Two Hours

Let’s go back to the question of what you should tell your nine PMs to do if Matt needs help from one or more of you. If I were the owner, I would state two directives. The first is, if anyone comes to you, a PM, or to anyone on your team and asks for up to two hours of their time, you always say yes. As a professional, you should always be able to find two hours to help someone. The message here that the company owner is sending is that we are a team, and we help each other when we can.

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Help Others but Not to the Point That It Harms Your Commitments

As the company owner, the second directive is, when someone asks for your help, you help them to the point you can. However, never voluntarily sacrifice your project for another. As a PM, you do not have the authority to break your commitments; only the senior stakeholders who you made those commitments to have that authority. So, in the case where Matt requests Coleman for three weeks, but by reassigning Coleman for that long, Katie can no longer meet her commitments, Katie tells Matt no. But she is not snippy about it. She may even say to Matt, But I am willing to go to the company owner with you if you want the issue resolved there. If the company owner chooses to sacrifice my project, then I can read an org chart—I will do as directed. But I do not have the authority to voluntarily sacrifice my project.

In general, I believe in answer “2”: Help Matt any way you can, providing it does not negatively impact your own schedules and commitments. However, answers “3”, “4”, and “5” can be workable depending on the process that you choose to follow in an organization.

Remember the point of this segment: Mind your own business first. If your domain of responsibility is well looked after, this is the best thing you can do for your company and the business.

Question

I don’t think it is so easy to always be able to find two hours to help a co-worker. Doing so could be painful for the person being asked to sacrifice the two hours. Comments?

Answer

Most times, helping a co-worker will take far less than two hours, maybe 5 to 10 minutes. On the less-likely case where it will take up to two hours, depending on the urgency of your assignments, you may occasionally have to pass or put off the help for a short time. However, the message remains that we should always strive to help our co-workers in situations requiring two hours or less.

Close

Again, I have followed this practice for many years with great success and have taught thousands to do the same. If I truly act as if I own the company and that company is defined by my domain of responsibility, I have found that my decision-making is far faster and more effective. I am more apt to take full responsibility and accountability for all that happens. Thinking and acting this way is truly inspiring and empowering.

Now, go make a bigger difference!

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Portions of this article were extracted from Power Skills that Lead to Exceptional Performance, by Neal Whitten, published by Business Expert Press, 2023.

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Your leaders want you to know—need you to know—the behaviors they consistently expect from you. Just because you have a leadership role or aspire for a leadership role doesn’t mean you are living up to the expectations of your leaders.

I’m going to discuss important behaviors—Power Skills (think Soft Skills)—that your leaders expect from you. By leader, I am talking about your immediate leader who could be a team leader, project manager, or your boss. But I am also talking about any leaders within your leadership chain of command. However, for most readers, I suggest you focus on your immediate boss as you read through these Power Skills.

The Power Skills are listed in no particular order

One more point. The more you understand what is expected of you from your leader, the more you will likely focus on honing those skills, improving your performance, and in the process, helping your leader look good, which helps you look good. Talk about a win–win! So, if you have an interest in enhancing your image, effectiveness, and career—and who doesn’t—let’s get to the first Power Skill.

1. Make it brief

When you are speaking with your peers you can speak in paragraphs. When you are speaking with your immediate boss, reduce the paragraphs to sentences. But the higher up the leadership food chain you communicate, learn to shorten the sentences—even approaching sound bites. Your leaders don’t have the time for the unabridged version. If they need to know more, they will ask. They respect you more when you can net your messages so they can obtain the necessary information in the minimal amount of time.

Why are so many people too verbose and tend to speak in paragraphs when speaking to their higher management? A big reason is that we want the higher-level management to know that we are knowledgeable and qualified. We see a meeting with higher-ups to be an opportunity to impress them; maybe even reinforce to them that we are valuable and are a great investment for the company. Well, they already know you are capable and worthy, or you would not be in your position.

2. Don’t take it personally

Don’t take all your leader’s actions or inactions personally. Be generous with giving them the benefit of the doubt. Cut them some slack as you would hope others would for you. Your leaders may not handle stress any better than anyone else.

Example

Let’s look at some examples of behaviors that even the best leaders may occasionally digress to. Let’s focus on your immediate manager:

• Doesn’t return a call or text within a reasonable time

• Provides you destructive criticism—meaning there is no real value for you to learn and grow

• Provides you constructive criticism but in a destructive tone

• Demonstrates impatience even though you cannot move on an issue any faster

• Is argumentative rather than rationally discussing an issue

• Appears to not appreciate the big and little things you do

• Assigns you a task that has not been well thought out.

Promote understanding

If your boss occasionally—and occasionally is the operable word here—demonstrates this behavior, then here’s where you want to cut him or her some slack. There will be times when your leaders may occasionally be abrupt, impatient, argumentative, unappreciative—simply not thinking clearly or effectively. After all, you may have your mood swings from time to time as well.

When your boss gets this way, work with him or her and do your best to help them through this. After the dust settles, hopefully they will appreciate your great attitude and tell you so. Maybe you will even inspire them to do better themselves.

3. Keep your leaders informed

Keep your leaders informed of important news. Don’t work in a vacuum. Avoid surprises. However, this doesn’t mean you should tell your boss about every problem that comes your way. In fact, don’t reveal most problems to your boss. If you did, your boss would cringe every time he or she sees it’s you on the phone or at their office door or in an email/message that just arrived.

You are paid to solve problems. Your boss gains no value in knowing all the problems that you face each day and how each was solved. Therefore, be selective and only share those problems that you feel your boss should know about or that you want your boss to know about. And be discreet in how you share bad news with your boss.

Status reports

You must decide what information your boss needs to know from day to day and week to week. Of course, you want to avoid your boss being surprised with hearing important news about your assignments and projects from a source other than you. You also may choose to inform your boss of information that she may not require but, because it places you in a favorable light, it is in your best interest that she knows.

I recommend you provide a 1-sheet status report to your boss each week or a 2-sheet status report each month—especially if your boss doesn’t require it. In addition to using the status reports for their communication value, your boss will use these reports as reference when it’s time to evaluate your performance.

Content of status reports

For example, a weekly status report should show:

1. Your noteworthy accomplishments from the past week

2. Your key plans for next week

3. Top three issues being worked

4. 30-day outlook

5. Items that toot your own horn, if any

6. Other information that can be of interest to your boss such as you will be inaccessible in a class or on vacation for x days next week.

4. Wear one face

Don’t be one person when your leaders are around and someone different the rest of the time. Choose the same face regardless of the audience.

Your authentic self

By the way, when you always wear one face, you become your authentic self. You become more predictable, consistent, and respected with those who work with and around you. You no longer must work at maintaining two or more faces.

5. Promote dialogue

Don’t be a yes employee or a silent employee. Don’t just take notes, nod, and leave your boss’ office. Listen thoughtfully, ask good questions, and raise concerns—if any. Your leaders need your response, your ideas, and your participation.

6. Don’t dump and run

When you have an idea for improvement, don’t transfer that idea to your leader and then wash your hands of it. Be willing to be its champion and become part of the solution. Your leaders have neither the duty nor the bandwidth to personally take on and work every good idea to closure. Words don’t make companies successful; actions do.

7. Bring solutions with problems

When you are faced with a problem and need help, articulate both the solution and the specific help required. Tell your leaders exactly what you need from them, such as funding, letter of support, escalation support, lifting the freeze on hiring, or approval of a new tool. You are far more likely to obtain their support when you have a solution in hand, and they know precisely what is expected from them to help you carry out the solution.

8. Don’t complain

People who habitually complain are a bore and a waste of time and energy to those around them. If you are complaining, you are not solving; you are part of the problem.

For example, if you complain to Person A about something that Person B can fix, then you just wasted your time and that of Person A’s. But if you complain directly to Person B who can fix the problem, this is not complaining; it’s the first step of moving toward a solution.

9. Be a role model

Without fanfare or recognition, behave in a manner that others can emulate. Promote an organizational culture that supports continual success. Your leaders are looking for role models that they can implicitly or explicitly showcase to others. True role models are not easy to find in organizations. When a role model is found, that person will likely have a bright future. The business environment can be a tough playground for anyone. But if you strive to take the high road in your behaviors and actions, you will steadfastly see your reputation, respect, and value to your organization grow.

Be someone you look up to

The relatively few people around us who are great role models make it look easy. It’s not. But you get better at it over time and the payback in helping to promote your career is invaluable. Continuously strive to be someone that you would look up to.

10. Make your leaders look good

Satisfying the needs of your boss—fulfilling, even exceeding, his or her expectations—is your job. That makes your boss look good, which makes you look good.

For example, if you are a project manager, you likely have two bosses, your immediate boss, and the project sponsor. If you are a project member, you have your immediate boss, and your project leader. When your boss, project sponsor, or project leader knows that you deliberately are looking out for him or her, covering his or her back at every opportunity, the loyalty of your leader back to you will likely be high.

Your job, simply put, is to make your boss look good. There are people who do not see this as their job, but this thinking can harm their careers.

Close

We have discussed many important behaviors that your leaders expect from you—just as you expect these behaviors from those who may be reporting to you. As I said earlier, the more you understand what is expected of you, the more you will likely focus on honing those skills, improving your performance and, in the process, helping your leaders look good—which helps you look good.

Now, go make a bigger difference!

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Portions of this article were extracted from Power Skills that Lead to Exceptional Performance, by Neal Whitten, published by Business Expert Press, 2023.

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Present moments are all you have. The past does not exist, nor does the future. I know I must be sounding a bit ethereal, but this is an important concept. For example, I know folks who have made a big mistake somewhere in their business or personal lives and cannot let go of the negative feeling—the guilt—that remains with them. They carry the burden, and it takes a toll by reducing their energy, their once great attitude, and their overall initiative. They often change their personality and emotionally go into a fetal position around others.

We all make mistakes. In fact, it’s been my experience that the people who achieve the most are likely to make the most mistakes. The solution is to admit mistakes, learn from them, apply those lessons going forward—and then move on. Let it go. Let it be.

You have the ability to be fully engaged in your present moments, but when you are carrying guilt from your past or worry for your future—both negative emotions—you are no longer fully invested in your present moments. Therefore, you will not be nearly as effective as you could be.

Example

Some of my clients, when I am on their campus, ask me to stay an extra day to mentor their staff, and will give me an office for the day. Outside the office door, there is a calendar posted and folks can sign up to be mentored in blocks of 30 minutes.

This one gentleman—I’ll call him Sean—was having a serious problem with his project and brought his project plan. He signed on for two consecutive blocks of 30 minutes each to ensure that we did not run out of time before he was sufficiently helped.

About 20 minutes into the session there was a knock on the door (Knock! Knock! Knock!). I shouted, Yeah? The door opens, and a lady tells Sean that he is wanted on a conference call right now. She goes on to say, … and by the way, both our VP and the client’s VP are on the call—as well as several other senior managers. The person left and closed the door.

Sean immediately rose from his chair and moved toward the door. I asked him where he was going. He said, You heard. I’m wanted on a conference call. I suggested to Sean to come back, sit down, and relax a moment—and he did. I said, The people on the conference call probably don’t even know that you have been found. We’ve got some time.

I asked Sean if he knew what the conference call was about. He said yes, that he had messed up and told me what the issue was. I said that he was right, he did mess up. But who doesn’t from time to time?

I suggested he enter the call and take the following four actions:

1. Admit you made a mistake. This will immediately diffuse the situation. It’s no fun for folks to kick you when you’re already down.

2. State what you are going to do to fix the problem before someone directs you to do so or tells you how to do so. This is called being accountable.

3. State what you are going to do so that this problem does not happen again. This is called being professional.

4. Let it go! Learn from the experience but do not be defined by it. Emotionally, let it go.

Sean asked me a few questions and was shortly on his way to the conference call.

I found out that afternoon that Sean had taken my advice and implemented all four suggestions. I was quite proud of him.

What Would You Have Done?

Would you have taken my advice and pursued these actions? I have given this example to thousands of students over the years. A small minority say they would have followed through on all four items. About a third suggest they would have done the first three, but likely could not do the last item of letting it go. To be your best, you must learn from the experience and move on; otherwise, you are not fully invested in the moment; you are living in your past and worrying about your future. This is robbing you of your present.

Another Example

One day, while a project manager of a sizable, high-profile project, my boss walked into my office and informed me that a senior executive from headquarters was in town and planned to visit me in an hour to find out the status of my project. I would like to think that I’m a decent project manager, but with only one hour to prepare, it was insufficient time to update some presentation charts and chase down the project’s latest status.

My hands started to sweat. But I immediately caught myself and decided that I did not have a choice over whether I will be presenting to this executive in one hour, but I do have a choice how I spend the next 59 minutes and 30 seconds in getting prepared. I chose to fully live in my present moments—fully concentrate—and prepare the best I could! I cannot do better than that!

Concentrate Fully in the Now

When you go to work each day, you can concentrate this much. (I am holding one hand above the other about one foot apart, about 30 centimeters.) But when you come to work living in the past—carrying guilt whether from your professional or personal life—or living in the future—worrying—it causes you to reduce your depth of concentration. (My bottom hand has moved up and now my hands are about 6 inches apart, about 15 centimeters.)

As I said, present moments are all we have. The past does not exist, nor does the future. If you try and live in either, then it will cause you to reduce your concentration and effectiveness in your present moments. To embrace this power skill, learn from the past, plan for the future, but live fully in the now if you want to perform your best. The choice is yours.

Question

I have done things in my past that I regret and cannot let go of. I don’t ever see me being able to control the unsettling emotions I carry about those past events. Comments?

Answer

It is possible to learn to control your thoughts on such things. Do you really want to carry these burdens throughout your life? Of course not. If there is some restitution you can perform to make it right, then you can choose to go that route. Of course, you want to do the right thing. But know that you cannot change the past. Elements of it can still haunt you if you choose to dwell on them. Learn from those experiences and be the best version of yourself, but I caution you not to allow yourself to be negatively controlled by these events. If necessary, don’t overlook obtaining professional counsel to help you overcome this. The 1970 Beatles hit song title gives a great clue to a technique that may help your healing by adopting the mantra Let it be. Great present day to you!

Portions of this article were extracted from Power Skills that Lead to Exceptional Performance, by Neal Whitten, published by Business Expert Press, 2023.

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When your day ends, the dust settles and you can see the results of your efforts and actions, what picture emerges? Is it clear and concise? Does it support a vision? Or is it fuzzy, in disarray and lacking purpose?

Here’s a technique that can help you grow your leadership skills and become more effective today than you were yesterday — and even more effective tomorrow than you are today.

Imagine what your performance would be like in one year if you began each workday by evaluating your performance from the past workday and looked for ways to apply those lessons going forward. The daily evaluation may only take 5 to15 minutes, yet the longer-term payback in improving your performance can be substantial.

Evaluate yesterday

Here’s how it works. At the start of each workday — when you are at your freshest — spend a few quiet moments reflecting on your performance from the day before. Do three things:

1. List the top three things that you could have done better that day

2. List the top three things you did that you were especially pleased with

3. Identify what you can do today (the next day) to apply those lessons.

For example, if, in hindsight, you believed that you were rude to someone in a meeting yesterday, you could apologize today. Another example might be if you weren’t as prepared as you thought you should be for a presentation, you can list areas for improvement that you can review for the next presentation.

Applying lessons learned

Basing today’s actions on yesterday’s behavior enables you to adjust via lessons learned. Moreover, this immediate self-assessment can help you recover from missteps while the trail is still warm and deliberate recovery actions can have the most beneficial impact.

Performing the adjustments routinely — preferably each day — can have a strikingly positive impact on your effectiveness as a leader and your reputation. We often avoid self-assessments, especially if they are routine, because we prefer to avoid any reminders of our so-called failures. But, as professionals, these self-assessments of our actions are essential for our continued growth, maturity, and effectiveness.

Share the exercise with a friend

Even more powerful, occasionally include a trusted friend or mentor in assessing your past behaviors and discuss how best to apply the resulting lessons to present and future actions. If you and a friend perform this exercise with one another once a week, you will likely see a positive impact emerging over a relatively short period of time.

Lead yourself as well as others

This best-practice technique of evaluating yourself daily may seem simple, but it is disarmingly effective. It can continuously and dramatically improve your leadership effectiveness. Routinely applying this technique allows old habits to be questioned and immediately replaced by more effective new habits.

Quote

I am reminded of a saying by Thomas J. Watson, industrialist, entrepreneur, and former chairman of IBM:

Nothing so conclusively proves a man’s ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself.

Q&A

Question: Should I inform my boss that I evaluate myself daily?

Answer: I would. I only see an upside in your boss knowing about your desire for continuous personal improvement. I have found two things to be true.

1. People who evaluate themselves daily are almost always surprised how much they learn about themselves, and

2. Typically, less than 5% of people evaluate themselves daily.

Portions of this article were extracted from Power Skills that Lead to Exceptional Performance, by Neal Whitten, published by Business Expert Press, 2023.

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Article summary: Dealing with difficult people is not always easy, but it is necessary to have your best life. I will reveal 15 actions you can take that can put you in control. You don’t have to accept being the victim.

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We all encounter difficult people in the workplace. We may be ourselves that way from time to time. How effective you are at dealing with difficult people has a direct impact on how successful you become and can affect your job advancement, your relationships, your overall confidence, and even your health. Defined here are 15 actions that you can employ to stay in control. By demonstrating self-control, you are better prepared for dealing with almost any situation and any individual. Stuff’s going to happen, but you don’t have to accept being the victim. You have choices.

Definition

We often use the term “difficult person,” but I will define it for our purposes here. By difficult, I mean a person who routinely exhibits one or more of the following behaviors:

• Hard to work with or manage

• Doesn’t play by conventional social or organizational rules

• Is a disruptive or disturbing element to others.

By difficult, I don’t necessarily mean someone who disagrees with you. Disagreement is often healthy and even good for business. It can serve as a check-and-balance to help ensure that the best ideas and decisions are considered; it stretches the players to perform at their best. It’s not always important that we agree. It is, however, important that we can work reasonably well together despite our different points of view.

15 tips

Let’s now examine the 15 tips—or actions—that you can employ to help you stay in control when dealing with difficult people.

1. Take time to pause

When a difficult situation presents itself, pause and count to that proverbial 10. You are at a crossroads. What you say and how you say it could make matters worse or improve the situation. Now is the time to think before you act; to collect your thoughts and corral-in your emotions. If communicating verbally, this means pausing for a moment or taking an extended break. If using email, sleep on it before replying, or obtain a second opinion before sending the email. While pausing, look at the big picture. Search for what’s best for business or relationships. Focus on a good outcome and what that might be.

2. Examine your behavior

Whenever you encounter a difficult person, first examine your own behavior to determine if you are part of or the entire problem. Ask yourself, “Where’s your responsibility in all this?” You may not be able to alter the behavior of others, but you can change yourself if that’s what is needed.

3. Put yourself in their shoes

When you are dealing with a difficult person, it can be immensely helpful to look at the situation from their perspective. For example: What are they going through? What is their objective? How are they feeling about the situation? What is the hardship they are facing? Your point of view will likely be affected by better understanding their point of view. How would you react if you were in their shoes? Be as understanding as possible of their frustrations or point of view. Doing so may also help to win them over; they may even come around to seeing you as an ally. Demonstrating empathy is a trait commonly found in the best performers.

4. Be willing to listen

When you listen and the other person knows you are listening, walls start coming down. It prepares you both for coming together for the best solution. They begin to feel that you care about them. Use body language as you are listening such as tilting your head, relaxing your body, and frequently looking into their eyes. Be empathetic and display compassion, if relevant. An objective for listening is to learn what they are going after. For example, they may be looking to save face, or they may be seeking power, respect, attention, approval or some other form of recognition. It may be helpful at some point to ask them what they are feeling right now. Avoid making decisions or judgments before you have a chance to hear their side.

5. Be candid about the issue

Be straight with others. Constructively confront them with the problem you perceive and what you need from them. Site specific examples and avoid any vagueness. Initiate this conversation in private. As soon as possible, set the expectations. Tell them what you can do and what you cannot do. Follow up on the discussion to ensure expectations are clear and things are proceeding satisfactorily.

6. Project calm

Your behavior will have a pronounced effect on the situation, so you want to learn to manage your emotions. Lead from a position of strength. Don’t become defensive, angry or desperate; doing so will undermine achieving a satisfactory outcome for both you and the other person. Maintain your cool. Relax your body language. Slow down the cadence of the conversation. Be thoughtful with the words you choose. Keep your voice low. Although the stakes may be high for you and the other person, promote casual conversation so that emotion can be displaced with listening and thinking rationally.

7. Choose your battles

When you are dealing with a difficult person, you typically have more than one option. Make sure that the option you choose is in both your best interest and the business’s best interest. Sometimes give-and-take is not possible with a particular person, there is no chance of compromise. Ask yourself if this situation is worth the time, energy and overall stress that it will cause. If it’s not, then let it go. Stop talking about it or giving it any more energy.

8. Don’t let others control you

When you go to work each day, I suggest you do not show up with the primary objective of being liked. If you do, you will likely have a disappointing career. No matter how you behave and treat others, there will be many days when someone will not like your behavior or even you. It’s not about being liked. It’s about integrity and doing the right thing. If you make being liked—getting the approval of others—a primary objective, then you are setting yourself up to be controlled by others. This could cause you to do nearly anything just to get their approval, including rolling over on important issues.

9. Deal with aggression firmly

Whether the aggression is delivered verbally or is approaching physical, shut down the interaction and be willing to continue when they have calmed down. Don’t tolerate verbal abuse or someone threatening your personal safety through physical or psychological fear. Be assertive in insisting that the difficult person does not continue with the abusive behavior. Once you have shown your willingness to tolerate abusive behavior, that behavior will not only continue but will likely escalate. Set boundaries. Let the person know you will respect him or her but expect to be treated with respect in return.

10. Take the high road

When dealing with a difficult person, the likelihood is high that they are not taking the high road. Just the opposite; their heels are dug in. Someone’s going to have to budge and reach out. As hard as it may be, make that someone you. Doing so demonstrates professional maturity and is a major step in finding a successful path in dealing with the difficult person. This can help diffuse the situation. A great bonus in taking the high road is that you will earn respect and your stock value will increase.

11. Seek alternative actions if necessary

If you are dealing with a difficult person and believe you have tried everything reasonable to effectively address their behavior, but with no success, it may be time to seek alternate actions. Here are six examples of options. Carefully look at each option and weigh their downsides as well as upsides.

1. Do nothing. Try to ride it out. The situation may go away because the person you are having the problem with is moving away from the organization.

2. Forge some allies. It helps to have others who think like you support one another. They may be able to influence a better outcome.

3. Avoid the difficult person when you can. Limit the time you must be in their presence.

4. Cover your back. Anticipate worse-case scenarios and be ready.

5. Raise a formal complaint. This could be with the person’s manager, HR or elsewhere.

6. Involve your boss or other management.

12. Expect some conflict

Recognize that there will always be conflict in your life, whether at work or outside of work. This realization helps prepare you for when the inevitable happens. Depending on your job, you may experience conflict on some level at least a few times a day. It can occur in meetings, while escalating issues to closure, delivering or receiving a performance review, and in just about any setting. Facing problems and solving them often require confrontation. How you deal with conflict has a lot to do with how effective you are in performing your duties. If you routinely run from conflict, you will never be the best that you can be. When facing conflict, almost never consider if you are up for it, just do it. Don’t talk yourself out of it. After a while, it won’t be as difficult for you to face conflict.

13. Seek the opinion of others

When faced with a difficult person, it can often help to seek the opinion of another—a trusted friend or colleague—about dealing with the person. Doing so gives you a chance to carefully think about how best to handle the situation. Be careful that the discussion does not slip into petty gossip. If it does and it finds its way to the difficult person, it can make matters much worse. You may find that you are not alone with your trying experience with the difficult person. Although it’s nice to know someone else is or has also had this issue with the person, the focus must be on how best to remedy the situation. Two or more heads working the issue together are almost always superior to one head.

14. Consider the potential of psychological health issues

A person displaying a high degree of difficulty for coworkers, especially if the behavior seems disproportional to the situation, could be expressing a psychological health issue that is rooted outside of work. If you suspect any possibility of a psychological issue, do your best to remain calm to ensure the situation does not escalate. You should seriously consider sharing the incident with your manager or someone in an authoritative position because this person may need help in satisfactorily dealing with their issue.

15. Practice meditation

Meditation has been around for centuries for a reason: It works! Meditation can lower heart pressure, reduce heart rate, relax muscles, calm nerves, reduce stress, and overall help you gain control of your thoughts. I love the conversation that is attributed to Buddha: Buddha was asked, “What have you gained from meditation?” He replied, “Nothing. But let me tell you what I have lost: anxiety, anger, depression, insecurity, and fear of old age and death.” Meditating, even if for only a few minutes a day or when you feel particularly angry, upset or uncomfortable, can have a noticeably positive effect on your current state.

Closing

Dealing with difficult people can be so common at work and in life that you want to continue to develop the skills that help you maintain your self-control when you encounter a difficult person. If you continue to fine-tune your behavior, you will find a reduction in the number of difficult people you encounter. Why? Because we often contribute to the problem or are the problem.

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Article summary: Managing daily to your top three priorities is so important, it defines your value and contributions to your company, and ultimately, your career. To additionally show how important this action is, it’s the number one reason why projects fail (or why your goals in life fail) because the project manager did not manage daily to the top three priorities. Read on…

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This is the single most important time-management action for your success both at work and in your personal life. Full stop. However, I will focus only on your work life (versus your personal life) in this article because that is typically what I find is the priority with the people and organizations I work with. But know that whatever I say in this article also applies to your personal life.

My decades of experience reveal that most leaders — most employees — do not know how to effectively manage their time. While most people start their day with a to-do list, the list is typically picked apart by working on the low-hanging fruit — the easier items, while the more important tasks continue to be deferred — kicking the proverbial can down the road. The list is also quickly abandoned in favor of interruptions, noise and minutia that come your way.

Put You on the Spot

If I could put you on the spot right now and ask you what are your top three priorities or problems at work (by the way, priorities and problems mean the same thing to me in this context) and you could not rattle them off within three snaps of your fingers, then you are not a consistently effective leader or employee.

You might be thinking how dare I judge you by so little information about you; that if I would just give you a few minutes, you could come up with your top three priorities. But if you need time to identify them, then I restate my assertion that you are not a consistently effective performer. Instead, you are allowing your day to be managed by others, instead of you taking charge and managing to the most important priorities. You are too soft if you are not seizing control of your domain of responsibility and primarily managing to your top three priorities each and every day.

Story

I will show you just how important this Power Skill is to your continued success through a story. I am sitting in my office outside of Atlanta, Georgia, USA and receive a call from a senior vice president — whom I will call Matt — of a large US-based company. He was calling from his Atlanta office where a portion of his company is located. He had just been given my name from a major consulting firm that suggested to him I may be able to help him and that I was located nearby.

Big Project, Big Trouble

Matt said that he had inherited a project six weeks ago because of organizational changes. The project was originally expected to be 11 months in duration and three years had gone by. Furthermore, the project was expected to have peaked at 60 team members, but today the project has over 500 full-time members. Matt said that he did not know when the project would end.

Matt asked me if I would come in and turn the project around. I replied, Absolutely… NOT. He asked if that is because I don’t know how. I said I do know how and have done this many times. If I took this job on, then I would only have 2 or 3 clients a year, and I prefer working with dozens of clients a year.

Conduct Project Review

Matt asked if I would be willing to visit for two days and conduct a project review and tell him where he needs to go from here to successfully complete the project. That, I said, I would be happy to do. I met with about a dozen project members who had hundreds of slides. I asked hundreds of questions. At the end of the two days, I visit Matt in his office and reveal to him his top five priorities or problems that need to be addressed on the project. Normally I would focus only on the top three, but because of the size, complexity, and issues of this project, I identified five top priorities.

Top Problems Revealed

For starters, I said that the project had essentially been run by executives that change every six months or so. Most executives do not have great project management skills and even if they did, this project was too large for an executive to take on and also perform his standard duties. I said he needed to identify one person who will own the project — someone who will be held accountable — someone called the project manager.

I identified four more major problems.

Numerous Secondary Problems Were Not Revealed

Matt asked me if I found any other problems beyond the five. I said I did — 75 additional problems. Matt then asked me to go through the list with him. I said that I would not do that. Matt said I am paying you to do that. I said no, you’re not. You are paying me to help you be successful. My fear is that you will start assigning resources to resolve these 75 problems. Matt said that of course he would begin working them off so that they don’t become so big that they make the top priorities list. I said again that that is exactly why I am not sharing them with him. I said, however, that I would share them with the new project manager he assigns. I told Matt that this is precisely why the project is in trouble: Because no one laser-focused daily on the top three priorities over the past three years; instead the secondary issues continued receiving the primary attention, yet few of those issues were ever satisfactorily closed.

The Number One Reason Why Projects Get in Trouble

My major assertion: The number one reason why projects get in trouble is that the project manager does not manage to the project’s top three priorities daily. I have never seen this statement on a list (unless it’s from one of my books, articles, or classes) of the top ten reasons projects fail — but this is it — the #1 reason! We typically see the usual suspects on the top ten list such as weak product requirements, scope creep, unreliable estimates, incomplete staffing, poor communications, weak senior stakeholder support, and others.

So how did I figure this out — that the number one reason for project failure is that the project manager did not manage to the project’s top three priorities daily? I am not the brightest star in the sky, but I am a relatively old guy who has been around the project management industry for a long time. I have conducted over a hundred reviews of projects that were failing. When I do this, I always summarize at the end of the review the top three priorities or problems that the project manager must immediately resolve.

When I step back and look at the top three lists, the ah-ha moment reveals itself. The problems on the top three lists should have been solved not days, but weeks or months earlier — and in some cases years earlier depending on the duration of the project. Had the project manager managed to his or her priorities daily, these problems would not still be around.

Start Day with Your To-Do List

So, let’s talk about how to manage daily to your top three.

You should begin your day with a to-do list. As I said earlier, most people do. You can put the list together at the start of your next workday or, as I do, the evening before that workday when your mind is active from the day, and you already have a good sense for what’s important to achieve the next day. I also like to know my top three priorities the night before so that my mind can start working them while I am sleeping. Everyone can do this. For example, clearly express the problem to yourself that you would like solved just before you fall asleep and when you wake, the problem will not look so difficult, and options will emerge for you to pursue.

By the way, having a to-do list created the night before also helps to reduce work-related stress that evening when I am home. My evening becomes much more enjoyable and relaxing since I have a plan when I return to work tomorrow.

Focus Primarily on Your Top Three

Let’s say your to-do list has ten items on it: Your top three and a bottom seven. Most project managers will likely have more than ten items on their to-do list, but I want to keep the list to just ten in this example to more clearly illustrate my points. When your day ends, make sure that you have spent an appropriate amount of time that day working on your top three priorities. Even if you only made significant headway on one of your top three priorities, you should feel good about what you accomplished that day.

If the day ends and your top three were not touched, but you managed to cross off your bottom seven, do not feel good about your accomplishments that day. Why? You worked on the wrong things. Resist the urge to work on lower priority items at the detriment of the top three.

As a handy rule of thumb, if you have 30-minute chunks of free time at any time throughout your work day, make sure you are focused on a top three priority. This is key: The value you bring to your project, your organization, and your company — your contributions — is directly proportional to your efficiency to work off your top three priorities; not your bottom seven. Bear with me as I repeat this because it is so important: The value you bring to your project, your organization, and your company — your contributions — is directly proportional to your efficiency to work off your top three priorities; not your bottom seven.

By the way, if you have 5 minutes between meetings, it’s fine to knock off a bottom seven.

Create Mini-Plans

Your top three priorities on your to-do list should be worked off your list typically within 2-3 days. If occasionally you have a top-three item on the list for up to a week, that’s okay. If you see any of the top three items requiring weeks or months to solve — and are not sure how to get them off your list within 2-3 days — then here’s what you do. Let’s say one of your top three priorities will take you a month to solve. Then put together a four-week plan. Identify the activities, their dependencies, their durations and who owns them. Then get agreement from all the people necessary to make the plan whole and fully committed, and track the four-week plan like you do any other plan. That priority is now being taken care of with a committed plan, and you can now remove it from your top-3 list and add a new one.

Occasionally Working the Top Three Priorities Can Be Elusive

If occasionally you come to work and find that you are not able to work on any of your top three priorities because of that day’s fire fights and interruptions, that’s okay. You work in a complex, dynamic environment. This happens. However, if it happens routinely, it’s not okay. If you cannot routinely work off your top three priorities within 2-3 days, then you are the problem. If you are not working them off, no one else will — this is your domain of responsibility. You need help and it is up to you to seek and obtain the appropriate help. A tip here is to make sure that you are keenly aware of what your top three priorities are throughout your workday so that you are working on them at every available moment.

Repeat: The Number One Reason Why Projects Get in Trouble…

One more time. I want to restate what my experience has shown to be a fundamental fact: The number one reason why projects fail is because the project manager does not manage to his or her top three priorities daily. Knowing this and appropriately adjusting your behavior can significantly increase the success of your projects — and your career. If you are not a project manager, this still applies to you: the number one reason why you may be failing at your assignment/job/goals is because you are not managing daily to your top three priorities.

Q&A

Question: Is manage daily to your top three priorities your full position on time management?

Answer: Not at all. However, it is an exceptionally important aspect of successful time management. Here are a few other time management snippets to noodle.

• Time management is not about being busy; it’s about being effective and getting more done in less time

• A big difference between effective and non-effective people are the things they choose not to do

• Before you start a new task, ask yourself if this is the best use of your time

• Learn to accept good enough

• Effective time management can significantly and positively affect the rest of your life.

I am reminded of a statement accredited to Eugene Delacroix, French Romantic artist 1798-1863, We work, not only to produce but to give value to time. Many of the Power Skills addressed in this Substack website help you make the best use of your time.

Portions of this article were extracted from Power Skills that Lead to Exceptional Performance, by Neal Whitten, published by Business Expert Press, 2023.

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Almost everyone suffers from low self-confidence at some time; while many people struggle with self-confidence issues regularly. Low self-confidence will hold you back from achieving your potential. It can cause you to miss out on many opportunities and leave you with a less happy, satisfying and fulfilling life. The good news? Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and become a core part of who you choose to be. In this article, you will learn 10 actions that can help you build your self-confidence. But first, let’s look at six important tenets.

Six Tenets

There are six tenets to keep in mind on the important subject of building your self-confidence.

1. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced and become a core part of who you choose to be. This has to be encouraging to know if you harbor any doubts about your ability to be self-confident.

2. Self-confidence is largely about what you think about yourself along with your knowledge, skills and experiences that you have worked hard to acquire. As you achieve more—and recognize yourself for those achievements—the more your self-confidence will grow.

3. Self-confidence can be thought of as resulting from a set of habits that you put into play. The more you adopt these habits the greater your success in boosting your self-confidence. The actions presented here largely define these habits.

4. Self-confident people tend to like themselves, believe in themselves, think positively about themselves, are optimists, seize upon opportunity, and live life to its fullest.

5. Self-confident people inspire confidence in those around them. They praise and champion others and are not threatened by their successes.

6. Self-confident people are not thwarted or defeated by obstacles that arise. They know that they have the ability and wherewithal to successfully deal with whatever challenges come their way.

Self-confidence definition

My definition of self-confidence is the feeling of self-assurance that can be boosted by the knowledge, skills, and experiences that you have worked hard to acquire. This definition recognizes that your self-confidence can benefit as your knowledge, skills, and experiences also grow.

Actions you can employ

Let’s look at those 10 actions that can help you build your self-confidence.

1. Examine moments of low self-confidence

Whenever you experience a bout of low self-confidence, write that instance down and then examine if it has any merit. Perhaps surprisingly, in most cases, it will be without justification. In these cases, use thoughtful rationalization to get past your self-doubt and productively and constructively work to build the self-confidence that you desire. If an instance of low self-confidence does have merit, then search for ways to address and overcome any issues which may be in the way.

2. Prepare and practice

Do your homework. Your self-confidence will receive a huge boost when you have appropriately prepared yourself for some event. For example, if you have a presentation to make, thoughtfully developing the presentation and then sufficiently practicing your delivery and responses to imagined questions can make you both look and feel self-confident. Do not underestimate the power of preparation in giving you the self-confidence that you seek. Preparation and practice is one of the most important actions you can take to raise your level of self-confidence.

3. Speak with a deliberate voice

Do not use a weak, unsure or timid voice. Don’t mumble. Speak with a strong, resolute and passionate voice. Speak slow enough to ensure you are not only heard but also understood. Engage others in conversation and participate in meetings and get-togethers.

4. Promote positive self-talk; eliminate negative self-talk

You become what you think about all day long. You are listening to yourself; programming yourself. Give yourself respect. Through your thoughts and actions, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy. The self-talk can come from your inner thoughts, your actual words, notes and messages to yourself and any other form of self-communication. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Be honest and truthful, but also cut yourself some slack. We are all works in progress with plenty of room for improvement.

5. Do not be controlled by what others think about you

It is far less important what others think about you than what you think about yourself. Listen to what people say. If there is a lesson to be learned, then do so and move on. If there is no lesson then move on. If you give more weight to what others think about you than what you think about yourself then you are giving control of yourself to others. Don’t give that power away. Interestingly, as an instructor who has a wealth of classroom and mentoring experience, occasionally—but only temporarily—even I slip and begin to focus more on the one negative class evaluation than the 29 positive evaluations. Never allow your source of self-confidence to come from someone else.

6. Be a good actor

Once you know how you wish to be, then act on that image. The notion of acting may sound insincere, but it’s not. This is how behavior is changed: through repetitive acting. In effect, you are faking self-confidence in the beginning and eventually you will feel more comfortable with your behaviors and become that person. As the saying goes: You fake it til’ you make it.

7. Create an affirmation file

Save memorabilia that you can occasionally revisit that leaves you with a warm and reassuring feeling. These artifacts can be emails or letters of appreciation, smart phone texts, performance reviews, award certificates and special-purpose greeting cards. Whenever you are experiencing a low moment, review the file and reassure yourself that you’re not so bad after all. By the way, don’t downplay compliments; instead learn to accept them and graciously and humbly reply with a thank you.

8. Record your accomplishments each day

At the end of each day or the beginning of the next day, list your accomplishments in a journal. Review the journal periodically for positive affirmations, especially when you need a self-confidence boost. This technique will make you more aware of your successes and will encourage an increase in your successes over time. You will be surprised at all of your achievements from year to year, even month to month.

9. Focus predominantly on your strengths, not your weaknesses

Excessive thinking about your weaknesses can undermine your self-confidence and leave you with the view of being inadequate or unworthy. By focusing on your strengths, you will feel better about yourself and your self-confidence can benefit. By the way, it is my experience that people are far more defined and shaped by their strengths than their weaknesses. For example, you were hired based on your strengths, not your weaknesses.

10. Practice meditation

Meditation’s benefits have been proven over thousands of years. It is a method that you can deploy to routinely disconnect from an increasingly demanding, hectic, technical world and refocus yourself and your priorities. Meditation helps you tap into the wisdom of your higher self. It allows you to sift through your anxieties and insecurities, including low self-confidence, and raise your comfort level with yourself and your relationship to the world around you. I am not a power meditator but I frequently use meditation in some circumstances. For example, I often meditate for a few minutes just before a presentation or important meeting. This technique helps me immensely to be in the best frame of mind to give my full attention to the event.

Commonly asked questions

Let’s now look at some common questions I receive when discussing this material. Hopefully these Q&As will serve to satisfy lingering questions that some of you may have.

Question: Do you believe that people are typically born with low self-confidence and they, therefore, must learn self-confidence?

Answer: My experience is the opposite. I observe that people are typically born with high self-confidence. Notice how small children are curious, nonjudgmental, and seem to be game for almost anything. As they grow from childhood into their teens, that self-confidence can be shaken based on the behaviors of the people around them. For example, as a teen, if you frequently experience put-downs, harsh criticism, and outright nasty and rude behaviors then your self-confidence could easily come into doubt.

Question: Can a person acquire self-confidence almost immediately or does it take weeks, months, or years?

Answer: Significant leaps in self-confidence are not likely to happen overnight but must be earned with real effort. Building self-confidence is a journey. Self-confidence begins with a mindset of positive thinking, feeling good about yourself, and playing the role; however, self-confidence is also boosted with increased knowledge, skills and experience. If you have generally reached a self-confident state and only occasionally slip into self-doubt and low self-confidence, it may be possible to get a quick boost with the right attitude and perspective. As I have noted earlier, nearly everyone experiences some self-confidence challenges from time to time.

Question: Do you believe that your instincts can play a beneficial role in supporting your self-confidence?

Answer: Yes. Big time. We all have great instincts although we may not always follow them. Our instincts alert us to data that typically should be taken into account or acted upon. If we have low self-confidence, we may be more inclined to ignore our instincts and withdraw from taking the most appropriate action. But if you have high self-confidence, you will likely seize on those instincts and act accordingly. Our self-confidence rises when we feel comfortable about ourselves and the role we should play in making things happen that are important to us.

Let me share an example about instincts. I have reviewed hundreds of troubled projects over the years. When I do this, there are typically 5 to 25 people in the room. Everyone knows more about the project than I do. My job is to ask a lot of questions that can lead me to discover the real issues. In this environment, I heavily rely on my instincts to lead me in the most productive directions. As I said, we all have great instincts. Listen to them.

Closing

The self-confidence you project is seen through your words, actions and demeanor. The more self-confident you are, the more people see you and accept you this way which serves further to reinforce your self-confidence.

Self-confident people are engaged in life and are always achieving things, big and small. These achievements build the foundation for their success. Low self-confident people avoid life’s opportunities and therefore success becomes more elusive.

Self-confidence is an important asset to a happy, satisfying, and fulfilling life; it helps you to get more out of your life. Self-confidence will help you appreciate and savor the good times and help you deal with the challenges that will continuously come your way.

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I meet with hundreds, sometimes thousands of people a year. They are bright, educated, sincere, hard-working, high-potential, good and decent people looking to move their careers and their lives forward—just like you.

What’s frustrating to me is that most people I encounter don’t believe in themselves as much as I believe in them. Consequently, they fall short in achieving many of their dreams. They look for all the reasons why they can’t be the best, blaming their genetics, their upbringing, their boss, their situation, or “the system.” They believe that great success is for others but not for them—and that thinking holds them back. You can rise to the top of whatever hill you choose to climb, if you imagine and dream you can, and you set your mind to it.

I would like to plant a thought with you that just might change the rest of your life.

As the first article for my newly created Substack website, it seems fitting to leave you with a perspective about your life and your actions in your life.

What do you think the odds are that you would be here right now? I’m not necessarily talking about you reading this. I mean what are the odds that you would even exist? The odds of your existence are zero. You may be thinking that it can’t be zero because you do exist. You can pinch yourself and feel it. But mathematically the odds are so remote. They are .000 gazillion zeros one likelihood (.000…1). Conversationally, that’s zero!

To emphasize this point, the odds of you being conceived by your parents with your DNA are less than one in a million. That’s a medical fact. Now go back one generation. What are the odds that each of your parents would have been conceived with their DNA and then they would conceive you with your DNA? The odds are less than one in one times 10 to the 18th power! The 18th power! Those are far worse odds than any lotto on this planet. But you won! You’re here!

Here’s where I am going with this. And you can track me no matter what your religious or spiritual beliefs; whatever you believe about a before-life or after-life or this life, one thing is not refutable: You do exist today.

In all the eternity of time in this infinitely expanding universe, you have for a fact this one moment. Why then would you want to blow it? Why would you not want to believe in yourself? Why would you want to go through your job—your life—being too soft, fearing failure, afraid to assert yourself, running from conflict, taking abuse from others, playing the victim, not pursuing your dreams, not demonstrating the courage to make things happen? Why would you want to operate under the shadow of others instead of creating your own shadow?

As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.” Living your dream is a whole lot more exciting than just dreaming your life. This is your moment. Life is an adventure. It’s yours to seize! Your life’s clock is ticking. Now, go make a bigger difference!