It makes me think about everything else in this dunya. The different seasons, the hardships people go through, the beauty of people & cultures, and everything in between. If Allah can make something as gorgeous as the seasons of the year, how is He not able to control everything else in the universe including our humanely worries.

October specifically has routinely become a reflection month for me. I think it’s the knowledge that snow will soon blanket the Earth, life feeling a little more different. Instead of staying out until the late sunset, we will be more prone to scurrying inside to keep warm and beat the early sunset. It’s like the Earth is giving us our last bright long days and telling us to say goodbye. The fall leaves are quick to grab our attention and make us realize we need to make use of the free outdoors before it’s too late, and wait for the next year. especially where I live when winter comes it feels like you lived a whole life and then some before spring creeps back in.

Winter has it’s beauty don’t get me wrong, but there’s something particularly special about going out without prepping for the cold, making plans with loved ones to enjoy outside, and knowing you can step out without worrying about freezing before you get back in.

So in conclusion I will be appreciating this season Allah has allowed me to witness before it dies and He blankets the Earth in snow. And wherever you are reader, no matter what season you’re in, I advise you to go out and appreciate the nature too.

ٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحْىِ ٱلْأَرْضَ بَعْدَ مَوْتِهَا ۚ قَدْ بَيَّنَّا لَكُمُ ٱلْـَٔايَـٰتِ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَعْقِلُونَ ١٧

Know that Allah revives the earth after its death. We have certainly made the signs clear for you so perhaps you will understand.

Surah Hadid, Ayah 17

وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ يُرِيكُمُ ٱلْبَرْقَ خَوْفًۭا وَطَمَعًۭا وَيُنَزِّلُ مِنَ ٱلسَّمَآءِ مَآءًۭ فَيُحْىِۦ بِهِ ٱلْأَرْضَ بَعْدَ مَوْتِهَآ ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَعْقِلُونَ ٢٤

And one of His signs is that He shows you lightning, inspiring ˹you with˺ hope and fear. And He sends down rain from the sky, reviving the earth after its death. Surely in this are signs for people who understand.

Surah Ar-Rum, Ayah 24

It is a season I don’t know how to name. A season I didn’t know I was coming into and don’t know when it will change. I feel like my life is on pause, and I’m waiting for something I can’t see coming. so when someone decides to ask what I have going on, I feel like tucking my tail and running. since I can’t do that without looking like a crazy person, I have to sit and talk about an imaginary path that I know I probably won’t take. In reality that is just my worst case scenario go to plan. in reality, it feels scary to dream, scarier to voice them to others, and even scarier when nothing is going to plan.

It doesn't help that I use defensive pessimism as a coping mechanism. “Defensive pessimism is not a personality trait, but a coping mechanism. It’s a way of employing a pessimistic outlook to defend oneself from the feelings associated with negative outcomes.”

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you hear that a student in your school died during the summer

your moms childhood teacher suddenly dies

and you start to wonder—when will someone close to you be next, or even more important when will you be next.

whenever someone dies it’s like reality hitting you in the face. when the Prophet(ﷺ) described it as the destroyer of all pleasures, it really portrays it perfectly.

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Remember often the destroyer of pleasures: death.”

—Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2307

someone could be in the happiest moment of their life, but if death was mentioned the smiles would drop and the mood would grow dim. death is like a growing shadow we can’t escape no matter where we go. it makes you reflect on the day it will consume you just like it has to everyone else. have you ever wondered how astounding it is that no one can convey to us how death really is? as humans we usually turn to others who have past experience in something we are also going to pursue. this is the last experience we have on this Earth and we cannot ask anyone about it—we can only know about it through what has been told to us in the Quran and Sunnah.

Al-Bara’ ibn ‘Azib reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, when the believer is ready to depart the world and is facing the Hereafter, angels from heaven descend with bright faces, as if their faces were the sun, with them are the shrouds and perfumes of Paradise, until they sit from him a distance as far as the eye can see…

“Verily, when the unbeliever is ready to depart the world and is facing the Hereafter, angels descend from heaven with darkened faces and with them sack-cloth. They will sit away from his as far as the eye can see…

Source: Musnad Aḥmad 18534

This is just part of the description of what will happen at death, and I reccomend you all to read the full hadith to get the full picture. reading reminders of death always makes me think about the real goal of this dunya, at times to an extreme of not wanting anything to do with the dunya. It makes me feel guilty for indulging in things that don’t have to do with the akhira when I haven’t reached the status I want to have with Allah.

multiple times we are warned of the dunya and told to look forward to the akhira, and yet it doesn’t feel real because the illusion of this world is right in front of us. things that shouldn’t be taken seriously are fixated on, beneficial reminders are skipped, bad habits are indulged in and good habits are ignored, and the time keeps moving.

al-Hasan al-Basri was often known as “sad Hasan” because of how often he remembered death and the way it would move him. he is often known for saying the statement:

“O son of Adam, you are nothing but a number of days. Whenever a day passes away, a part of you passes away“

each day that passes by is a day away from the time of our death. death will not wait for us to reach the point in our life where we have an epiphany to finally change our lives.

This worldly life is no more than play and amusement. But the Hereafter is indeed the real life, if only they knew.

Surah Ankabut, Ayah 64

“This indicates that those who have such knowledge must inevitably give precedence to the hereafter over this world, because of what they know about the nature of the two realms.” (Tafsir As-Sa’di)

The ayat in the Quran that end with “if only they knew” always move me because it’s as if Allah is telling me I will never know. No matter how many steps forward I take, I will always fall short, which means I never truly understood the reality of the dunya. I take comfort that the Sahaba also felt the guilt of indulging in the dunya, and were comforted by the Prophet(ﷺ) when they came to him with this concern. There are so many gems in the hadith I’m going to share below, and I recommend reading it in full and finding an explanation from a reliable source.

If we were meant to be perfect we would be like the angels that don’t sin, follow all of Allah’s commands, and are in a constant state of worship. so even though death should be a serious reminder that get’s us to stop in our tracks and rethink our purpose in life, it shouldn’t be all consuming and making us attempt to be what we can never be. At the same time we should try to do the best we can in all that will benefit our akhira so we are prepared for our death.

May Allah make us of those he is pleased with and admits into His Jannah❤

˹Allah will say to the righteous,˺ “O tranquil soul! (27)

Return to your Lord, well pleased ˹with Him˺ and well pleasing ˹to Him˺. (28)

So join My servants, (29)

and enter My Paradise.” (30)

(Surah Al-Fajr, Ayat 27-30)

buy me a coffee🤎

Anyway this isn’t about pyramids or even Egypt in particular. It’s about trusting in Allahs plan—and believing that He will always give you something better, even when you don’t realize it.

When I was in Egypt I used to hear about students of knowledge studying at Azhar University—one of the world's oldest and most prestigious institutions for Islamic learning, alongside teaching modern sciences. little did I know my father was taking us through places I would wish to have the opportunity to be in today. my father would be invited for public talks and student graduations and sometimes he would bring us along. his friends who went to the university would walk us through Madinatul Nasr, a hotspot place for the students who went to the Islamic university in the city.

I often think that if I were still in Egypt, would I be taking the same path as those students? at that point in my life I didn’t truly know the reverence Islam deserved. I didn’t know ordinary people studied the religion, traveled to seek knowledge, or even how learning is so important no matter what stage of life you are in. the only knowledge I had was the basics taught by my parents (may Allah bless them) and the foundations laid out at my previous Islamic school and weekend classes. I didn’t revere it the way I did 4 years after leaving Egypt.

I often think of another reality where I had the love for knowledge at 14, and stayed in Egypt to pursue it. I think about what I could’ve achieved and where I would be today. I was already starting to pick up Arabic in my day to day life, and today most of it is washed away with the English I picked back up when I left. I think about how much easier it would make my life today because seeking Islamic knowledge is much more normalized in Egypt than it is in the West. no one would bat an eye if I decided to ditch secular studies for a while to indulge in studying in Islamic fields and learning Arabic.

And then I think about how impossible that would’ve been because Allah didn’t decree for it to happen. not only because my life’s circumstances led for me to leave Egypt anyway, but because it was the Qadr of Allah. if such a righteous path wasn’t laid out for me there, and Allah still guided me to the love for knowledge I am grateful for only that.

the reason why I find that moment in my life so ironic, is because now in my present day life I always hear of people from my city going to Egypt or planning to, and it feels like I missed out on an opportunity that was right in front of me. I was there—I probably passed by the schools I would’ve wanted to go to today. And yet Allah decreed that I wouldn’t.

Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.

Surah Al-Baqara, Ayah 216

it was such a profound moment of realization for me on how Allah plans our lives and gives us certain blessings at different times of our life. so many trials were endured after leaving Egypt to where I am today and yet my connection to Allah and the deen only STARTED to get stronger after I left Egypt. I’ve gotten so many opportunities to learn the deen where I am, and formed strong relationships centered around the remembrance of Allah that I didn’t have in Egypt.

and ever since I went through this realization, I know Allah has so much better in store for me. it’s a giddy feeling I have—like a child who’s been promised a gift that they can’t have yet. and even though the present can feel challenging and like there is no relief, I remember my Rabb who has always taken care of me, and will always take care of me. one of my favorite duas I hang onto in moments of uncertainty for the future is the dua the Prophet(ﷺ) taught us to read in moments of distress.

اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلاَ تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ لاَ إِلَهَ إِلاَّ أَنْتَ ‏

Allahumma rahmataka arju, fa la takilni ila nafsi tarfata 'ayn, wa aslih li sha'ni kullahu, la ilaha illa ant.

O Allah, I hope for Your mercy. Do not leave me to myself even for the blink of an eye. Correct all of my affairs for me. There is none worthy of worship except You

—Sunan Abi Dawus 5090

so no, I wasn’t in the right place at the wrong time, in fact I was and always will be in the right place at the right time because Allah is the one who decrees everything, and He is the best of planners.

For some reason I imagine if I take it off things in my life would be easier and blessings will come left, right, and center. It sounds silly, but my brain (or Shaytaan) is trying to make it a reasonable thought.

I can’t make connections with people? Maybe it’s because they feel intimidated by my niqab.

I’m not able to express myself & people overlook me? Maybe it’s because they just see my niqab.

I’m trying & not able to get married? Maybe it’s because I’m blocking my opportunities by covering my face.

The niqabi is putting me in a disadvantage for dunya opportunities? Maybe I should just take off my niqab.

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1. the panic of figuring out how you’ll make up your missed fasts

2. looking at your cycle calender to see when you won’t be able to fast

In this post I’ll be talking about the latter.

some years we miss a couple days, and other years it can go up to 2 weeks or even the whole month for pregnant or breastfeeding sisters. some years we miss the fasts in the beginning of the month, and some years to every muslimahs distress we miss the fasts at the end of the month.

so what do we do with the feelings of sadness, helplessness, and on top of that the hormones that come with our menstrual cycle? well first we look to the experiences of the Sahabiyaat.

Narrated `Aisha: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) entered upon me at Sarif while I was weeping (because I was afraid that I would not be able to perform the ,Hajj). He said, “What is wrong with you? Have you got your period?” I replied, “Yes.” He said, “This is a matter Allah has decreed for all the daughters of Adam, so perform the ceremonies of the Hajj as the pilgrims do, but do not perform the Tawaf around the Ka`ba.” Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) slaughtered some cows as sacrifices on behalf of his wives.

Sahih al-Bukhari 5559

there are so many lessons to take from this hadith, from how the Prophet(ﷺ) handled the situation to how the matter was resolved. here are 3 points I personally want to mention.

1. the feelings of ‘Aisha

‘Aisha was ready & prepared to complete her hajj. when she found out she was in her menses, she cried because of the dissapointment of not being able to worship Allah through her hajj. first of all how beautiful is it that something that some people may see as small made her so emotional that she cried for the loss of her worship. and this also shows us that it is okay to feel the grief of not being able to worship Allah in that which isn’t allowed for us to do during our menses. so if you end up getting your menses in the time you wanted to be fasting, know that it is okay to feel those feelings, and cry it out if you have to.

2. the menstruation of a woman being the decree of Allah

The first thing the Prophet(ﷺ) consoled ‘Aisha with was that the menstruation is a decree from Allah. It is not a matter we can control and whatever Allah decress for us is best for us whether we see it as that or not. Qadr isn’t just a matter to do with the job we don’t get, or the person we end up marrying—it is even in the small things that we think our body is controlling yet Allah is the one in control with it as well.

3. obeying Allah always come before our own feelings/desires

was ‘Aisha feeling saddened by the fact that she couldn’t complete her Hajj? yes. did the Prophet(ﷺ) acknowledge her feelings and console her? also yes. but did that mean because she wanted to complete her Hajj the Prophet(ﷺ) permitted her to? no.

because although we can have a desire for something, it doesn’t mean we can disobey Allah and fulfill that desire, whether we consider it to be good or not. this is what makes Islam the middle path. It doesn’t shame you for your grief, yet it doesn’t let your emotions override the limits Allah has set. In fact not fasting will get you rewarded by Allah.

Ibn Qudamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said in al-Mughni (4/397):

“If a mentruating woman intends to fast and refrains from eating and drinking even though she is aware that this is haram, she is sinning and that will not avail her anything.”

Mu’adha said: I asked ‘A’isha: What is the reason that a menstruating woman completes the fasts (that she abandons during her monthly course). but she does not complete the prayers? She (Hadrat ‘A’isha) said: Are you a Haruriya? I said: I am not a Haruriya, but I simply want to inquire. She said: We passed through this (period of menstruation), and we were ordered to complete the fasts, but were not ordered to complete the prayers.

Sahih Muslim 335c

*the Haruriya refers to the Khawarij sect that were often extreme in their views and challenged established rulings

how do we combine the 2?

Ramadan is only 30 days, and for most of us our period takes 1/4 of that month away from us. but what if we stopped looking at our monthly cycle as the enemy, and saw it as the mercy that it was given to us for? if we were meant to fast during Ramadan would Allah not pause our period for us during this blessed month? but He didn’t and our reward isn’t decreased for missing those days. In fact we get the reward for intending to fast, and rewarded when we make up the fast. double the reward during Ramadan?! that’s something men can only dream of.

so I will hold your hand when I say this my dear sister, accept what Allah has decreed for us and hope for the reward from Allah. this will be better for us AND our bodies stress levels.

Abu Musa reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If a servant falls ill or travels, the likes of what he used to do when he was settled and healthy will be recorded for him.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 2996

when you think about it, you now have extra energy to do more things during the day because your body will be constantly fueled with energy, so make use of it! every woman’s symptoms are different during their period, so work with your period not against it. on the days where your symtoms are worse and you can’t help but rot in your bed, pair it with a lecture to listen to in the background or a Quran recitation.

here are some more options to keep your Ramadan busy during the times you’re not able to fast.

1. Make dhikr through the day

2. Read, listen, or revise Quran

   Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever listens to a verse from the Book of Allah Almighty will have a multiplied reward. Whoever recites a verse will have a light on the Day of Resurrection.”

   Source: Musnad Aḥmad 8494

3. Listen to Islamic lectures

4. Listen to the taraweeh livestream of your local masjid

5. Make dua and write a dua list if you don’t have one

   • you can still wake up during the last third of the night to make dua and make dua during other special times.

6. Give in charity

   Narrated Ibn `Abbas: The Prophet (ﷺ) was the most generous of all the people, and he used to become more generous in Ramadan when Gabriel met him. Gabriel used to meet him every night during Ramadan to revise the Qur’an with him. Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) then used to be more generous than the fast wind.

   Sahih al-Bukhari 3554

7. Cook for the fasting people

   It was narrated from Zaid bin Khalid Al-Juhani that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “Whoever gives food for a fasting person to break his fast, he will have a reward like theirs, without that detracting from their reward in the slightest.”

   Sunan Ibn Majah 1746

8. Help the one who is fasting (start with your family)

9. Volunteer

I ask Allah to make us reach Ramadan in good health & wellness, and make us able to benefit from our time and use it wisely❤

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think about a person you love in your life. you didn’t love them when you first met. maybe you had a connection but you didn’t come to love them until you learned more about them, from their best traits to their weaknesses that you came accept them with. Allah cannot even be compared to His creation as He has no flaws, which should make us love our Creator even more.

a lot of the time it is harder for us to implement what Allah has commanded us to do because of a lack of knowledge of Him. there are so many things that have been told to us through the Quran and Sunnah that will increase our Iman, increase our love for Allah, make it easy for us to act on what Allah has commanded us and yet we all fail in certain aspects of fulfilling these things.

it’s always repeatedly mentioned that if you lack knowledge of Allah, you will not truly know Him and be able to have a connection with Him. a repeated advice that is indeed true—If you don’t learn about Allah it may be harder for you to truly love Him and accept the rulings He has placed for us to follow.

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so if you are finding it difficult, start from His speech that was sent down specifically for us. read the Quran and ponder on it. point out the times Allah’s name is mentioned. the moments Allah’s names & Attributes are mentioned in His Ayat are purposefully placed with His wisdom and meant to stir the heart. learn your aqeedah which consists of who Allah is and why we worship Him.

In the Tafsir of As-Sa’di when explaining Surah Muhammad, Ayah 19 he mentions several ways of knowing the oneness of Allah:

1. The first and greatest way is reflecting upon His names and attributes, and His actions that highlight His perfection, greatness and majesty. That compels one to strive one’s utmost in devotion to Him and in worshipping the Lord Who possesses perfect names and attributes s and to Whom belong all praise, glory, majesty and beauty.

2. Knowing that He is the only Creator and controller. Thus one may know that He is the only One Who is deserving of devotion.

3. Knowing that He alone bestows blessings both visible and hidden, spiritual and worldly. That makes one’s heart be attached to Him, love Him and be devoted to Him alone, with no partner or associate.

all these things and more will help in gaining the knowledge that will increase our love of Allah. we cannot expect to have the love of Allah by simply being Muslim, we must also put in the work by taking the guidance that was given to us and putting it into action.

˹This is˺ a blessed Book which We have revealed to you ˹O Prophet˺ so that they may contemplate its verses, and people of reason may be mindful.

(Surah Sa’d, Ayah 29)

Tazkiyyat An-Nafs

one of my favorite topics—tazkiyyat an-nafs, which means purification of the heart often talks about the fact that there is a connection between the inner and outer self. when you correct the heart, by default the limbs will do correct actions, and the oppsite is true.

Verily, in the body is a piece of flesh which, if sound, the entire body is sound, and if corrupt, the entire body is corrupt. Truly, it is the heart.

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 52

talking about the heart deserves a separate post altogether, and better explanations from people with way more knowlege than me. what I wanted to extract from the topic of Tazkiyyat, is the emphasis on not just purifying the heart, but the fact that you have to engage in good actions to replace the bad that was cleansed from the heart. In Ibn Taymiyyah’s book Diseases of the Hearts & their Cures he mentions…

“So the body will not grow until it gains that which will benefit it and is prevented from that which will harm it, likewise the heart will not become pure such that it may grow and become complete with respect to its correction, until it attains that which benefits it and represses that which harms it - just as the flower will not grow without these two factors.” Chapter 1.3: Righteous Actions are a Cure for the Heart

So this ties back into how we can’t grow to love Allah if we are not doing that which will increase our love for Him, which is ibadaat, righteous actions, and our obligations.

we cannot say that simply loving Allah and not obeying Him is okay. the righteous actions we do with sincerity increase our Iman, and the sins & obligations we don’t fulfill decrease our Iman. this is the opposite of what the deviant group, the Murji’ah believe. They believe that our righteous actions don’t benefit us and our sins don’t affect us, which is completely false!

Some of the Salaf said, ‘Indeed good actions are a light in the heart, a strengthening for the body, a glow on the face, a cause for extensive provisions and love in the hearts of the creation. Indeed bad actions are a darkness in the heart, a blackness on the face, a weakness for the body, a cause for decrease in provisions and hatred in the hearts of the creation.’

so we should make sure that we do not just proclaim that we love Allah, but that we strive to nourish our connection with Him by doing righteous actions, leaving off sin, learning about Allah through the Quran and of course making dua for our efforts to be accepted.

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but rather He looks at your hearts and actions.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2564

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Diseases of the Heart & their Cure

for those still curious about the book and would like an explanation on the book mentioned: Explanation Series

to all the girls that have been shamed for wanting love

to all the girls who follow the crowds and cover their desire with a sloppy bandage

even the girls who hide their desire for love, yet criticise others for wanting it

this is for you–from my journal to your screen ♡

I’m in my natural habitat on pinterest saving photos for my canva project when I stumble upon one of my favorite boards. I call it مودة و رحمة (love & mercy) from the ayah where Allah says:

I love marriage because it is one of the things Allah has replaced something haram for us with halal. He did not humiliate us by making illicit intercourse permissible nor did He make us repress what is naturally a part of our fitrah.

for me more time unmarried is more time not experiencing life with my husband. of course whatever timeline Allah has written for me is what’s best for me and that is better for me 100 times more than what I desire for myself.

I just don’t appreciate when young people even think the word marriage it is immediately stigmatized, as if it’s not a natural part of life. I’ve been told by way too many people (mostly single) that I should throw out the idea altogether because I’m “too young”. whatever that means. If I’m too young then why are the majority of young people “able” to be in relationships and it’s seen as acceptable even amongst muslims?

I put the word able in quotation marks because as muslim we ARE able to be in a relationship as long as it’s through the institution of marriage. that relationship should be initiated with responsibility, knowledge, and an open heart to learn and grow with this person.

Narrated `Abdullah: We were with the Prophet (ﷺ) while we were young and had no wealth. So Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.”

–Sahih al-Bukhari 5066

I love my moments of solitude and my solo adventures & experiences, but honestly it would feel even more complete to have my partner with me. I’m still in the beginning stages of life and would love to share those moments with the person who will grow with me for the rest of my life Inshallah. I don’t want to reminisce on my early stages of life with him, I want those memories to be with him.

life is so short and l used to feel weird about thinking this before, but after seeing a similar thought by Abduallah Ibn Mas’ud I had more conviction in my thought.

It is reported that ‘Abdullāh b. Masʿūd – Allāh be pleased with him – said: If I had ten days left to live, and I knew I would die by the end of them, and I had enough time to get married, I would get married for fear of temptation (fitnah).

–Sa’īd b. Mansūr, Al-Sunan article 493.

I don’t want to die without getting married. I know it sounds a bit dramatic. of course I have so many other things I want to experience and achieve before I die all centering around pleasing Allah and being a means for me being entered into Jannah—and marriage is one of those things. marriage is one of the more unique things from this dunya because it is not something you can achieve on a whim, it seems simple, and brings so much barakah, and yet it is something that is often times difficult.

difficult to find the right person

difficult to stay & work on the relationship

difficult to make sure the relationship is centred around pleasing Allah

And even then, we still pursue it, with all its difficulties and hardships because ultimately, the benefit and innate desire outweighs the inevitable challenges that will arise.

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I see marriage as another opportunity to be guaranteed Jannah–because at the end of the day, when I die nothing will matter except the things that will get me into Jannah.

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes.”

–Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 4163

am I saying I will for sure fulfill hadith? no, because ultimately we are entered into Jannah by Allahs’ mercy [Bukhārī 6464]. yet I hope to try my best in that regard, seeking it as an opportunity that may lead me to Jannah. If I’m not entered into Jannah through one approach maybe this will be the means through which Allah will grant me in.

there is also the increased barakah that comes with marriage. it has become hard to convince me that other worldly pursuits must come first before marriage when Allah promises his help and increased barakah for those who get married [Quran 24:32]. why can’t those 2 realities co-exist? you can achieve your goals while also being married. of course there are exceptions to this, but a lot of the time people make others doubt what they want for themselves because they believe that you can’t accomplish what you want while being married, when in fact what you want to accomplish will only be increased with barakah! how generous is our Lord that He makes something that we enjoy be a means to also bring blessings into our life.

It has been narrated that ‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab once remarked.“I have never seen anything stranger than a man who does not seek richness through marriage, even though Allah has promised, as a result of it (i.e., marriage) what He has promised: “…if they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty.”[24:32].”

[Al-Durr Al-Manthoor, v.5, pps.80-81]

who am I to deny a halal means from Allah to gain barakah from and then say it is better I leave it off? something that will inevitably happen if I’m still alive to experience it Inshallah might as well be done sooner rather than later in my opinion, especially if l have done my due diligence in learning & understanding the responsibilities and rights concerning marriage.

If there was no innate desire for marriage, and it was just something permissible and not encouraged, then I would understand putting it off–what would be the point? but that is not the case. It is encouraged, it is blessed, and Allah wants goodness for us through it [Quran 30:21].

so who am I to deny or purposely delay that which will only bring me goodness and extra reward in my life, and the possibility of Jannah in the hereafter?

It was narrated from Aishah that: the Messenger of Allah said: “Marriage is part of my sunnah, and whoever does not follow my sunnah has nothing to do with me. Get married, for I will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him get married, and whoever does not, then he should fast for it will diminish his desire.”

–Sunan Ibn Majah 1846

I pray that Allah blesses me & anyone else who is seeking love through marriage a blessed spouse that will be the coolness of their eyes, and be a means for them to enter paradise. Ameen🤍

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Sha’baan feels like the still moment before all the chaos begins.

the packed masjid

the long list of Iftar invites

the filled stores as Eid is approaching

All these beautiful switches that rush out to us before we can blink an eye. Unless you’ve taken the means to prepare. The years where I prepared for Ramadan were the years I could take a breath. I could see everything from a birds eye view and know what was for me and what I would graciously let go of.

The years I didn’t prepare for were filled with overwhelming planning, too much wasted time, and way too much regret.

There is so much content about Ramadan to the point of becoming overwhelming, so I’m going to give you some things to start with that have helped me—and a general planner of the month that you can tweak to your liking so you can have a productive Sha’ban and successful Ramadan InshAllah.

It has been established by the scholars of Islam that worship in the month of Sha’baan is more virtuous because it is a time that people do not take advantage of it. If Allah has blessed you to be able to increase in worship in preperation of Ramadan during this month then that is a blessing to be grateful for.

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Before preparing for Ramadan we must know—what are we preparing for? why are we fasting Ramadan?

O believers! Fasting is prescribed for you—as it was for those before you—so perhaps you will become mindful ˹of Allah˺.

Surah Al-Baqara, Ayah 183

Ramadan was prescribed to us so we can gain Taqwa. Taqwa in the Arabic language means to put a shield between you and something you are scared of. A common definition of Taqwa Islamically is the definition by ‘Ali Ibn Abu Talib.

‘Ali ibn Abu Talib said: “Taqwa means fearing Allah, acting according to the Quran and Hadeeth, being content with what is little, and preparing for the Day of Judgement.”

Having Taqwa will help us achieve multiple things like:

• being more practicing

• doing more good deeds

• leaving off more haram than we were doing before

• being more satisfied with little from the dunya

So what are some things that can be done in the month of Sha’baan in preperation for Ramadan?

1. Fasting

Narrated `Aisha: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) used to fast till one would say that he would never stop fasting, and he would abandon fasting till one would say that he would never fast. I never saw Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) fasting for a whole month except the month of Ramadan, and did not see him fasting in any month more than in the month of Sha’ban.

Sahih al-Bukhari 1969

Like mentioned before there is more reward in the acts of worship done in Sha’baan, so this is a perfect opportunity to gain rewards from fasting before Ramadan. It should be noted that it is prohibited to fast all 30 days of a month, except in Ramadan.

If you aren’t used to fasting outside of Ramadan, start with fasting on Mondays and Thursdays. and if you are able to, add the 3 white days of the month which are on the 13th, 14th, and 15th.

Some things to avoid when it comes to fasting in Sha’baan:

1. Fasting from beginning to end. The Prophet(ﷺ) never fasted for a whole month.

2. Beginning to fast in the second half of the month

3. Singling out the 15th to fast. There is no authentic hadith regarding this.

4. Fasting 1 or 2 days before Ramadan deliberately unless it is someone’s habit to fast on a certain day (Monday & Thursday, 3 white days e.t.c.) and it just so happens Ramadan starts the next 1 or 2 days.

5. Fasting 1 or 2 days before Ramadan “just in case” it started earlier. this was prohibited by the Prophet(ﷺ)

2. Preparing your Recitation of the Quran

Ramaḍân is the month in which the Quran was revealed as a guide for humanity with clear proofs of guidance and the decisive authority…

—Surah Al-Baqara, Ayah 185

The month of Sha’ban is called Shahr Al-Qura’ which means the month of the reciters. Often because people are preparing their Quran to lead others in Taraweeh or preparing to generally recite during the month.

The month of Ramadan is the month of Quran, so we want to make sure we are prepared to use it effectively in reciting the Quran, no matter what level you are on. If you don’t know the Arabic letters this is the perfect time to start—not so that you can recite like a Qari after the month, but so that you have a foundation to start with when the month of Ramadan starts.

If you are more advanced, challenge yourself and see how far you can take your goals during the month of Ramadan.

3. Making a plan for Ramadan

   The way this looks is different for everyone. Do you like writing your plans or prefer digital planners? Does planning the whole month stress you out so you prefer weekly planning? Either way you should have some sort of general plan.

The blessed month of Ramadan is only 30 days, so lets make sure we put our best foot forward so we aren’t left with regret at the end.

I’ve converted a planner layout that I’ve used on my notebook app into a PDF so I could share it with all of you. I hope this is able to be a starting point for planning your month of Ramadan.

I pray that Allah makes us able to take advantage of the month of Sha’ban, and make it a means for us to enter into Ramadan with peace and ease

🌙Ramadan Planner

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when you think about it everyone who loves you, loves you to a certain capacity. they invest in the relationship because they believe they can love you to their capacity. and some relationships already have love instilled there, like the love parents have for their children. the closer the person is to you the more love there is in the relarionship—but at the end of the day everyone has a limit.

a limit of forgiveness

a limit of acceptance

a limit of emotional burden

a limit of compromising

and that’s okay to a certain extent. in fact it’s important for us to know how much we are able to take in a relationship so we don’t overburden ourselves and others. we should learn to accept that the people in our lives won’t always be able to completely fulfill us the way we want. we have to complete that emptiness with self-love and the love of Allah. having self-love does not mean being obsessed with yourself, it means accepting yourself for who you are and loving it wholeheartdly knowing Allah created you in this way.

and how beautiful is the relationship of the believer and their Lord. Allah loves us how we are in whatever state we are in and has always been there for us and will continue to be there. even when we sin again and again. when we do not worship Allah the way He deserves to be worshipped. Allah promises to forgive us, have mercy on us, guide us, love us, as long as we always turn back to Him. and even in the times we don’t turn back to Him, He guides us back to Him.

this is why it breaks my heart when I am expectant of others, want their love, chase their acceptance. why do I crave others love when they do not truly love me? and why am I chasing their love when I know my love for Allah is not complete? I envy the righteous people who are solely focused on loving their Lord and pleasing Him, to the point that they don’t notice the actions of others or the lack of actions from others. they don’t chase others, they stay with their Lord.

It reminds me of an advice that is attributed to Ibn al-Qayyim.

“Do not look for your self worth in the eyes of people; look for your worth from within your conscious. If your conscious is at peace then you will ascend high and if you truly know yourself then what is said about you won’t harm you. Do not carry the worries of this life because this is for Allah. And do not carry the worries of sustenance because it is from Allah. And do not carry the anxiety for the future because it is in the hands of Allah. Carry one thing: how to Please Allah.Because if you please Him, He Pleases you, fulfils you and enriches you…”

today is day 2 of me writing this, and wrote a beautiful piece that really resonated with me, and completes the thoughts I was having when writing this article so I highly recommend you all to read it.

Kawtharxh's Pen

I am lost, will You please find me?

Ya Allah…

Read more

10 months ago · 13 likes · 7 comments · Kawtharxh’s Pen

so love your friends, love your parents, love your spouse, love your kids—but make sure your love for Allah comes first, because He is always near when no one else is and He is the only one that truly loves you.

Abu Darda reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “David would supplicate, saying: O Allah, I ask you for your love and the love of those who love you and the deeds that will bring me your love. O Allah, make your love more beloved to me than myself and my family and even cold water.”

Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 3490

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“men used to go to war, now they drink matcha with oat milk.”

“men used to go to war, now they post photo dumps.”

“men used to go to war, now they organize their Instagram highlights.”

like many social media videos they are made to deliver humour, but their virality shows that the underlying message resonates with a lot of people. just like the article by Vogue “is having a boyfriend embarrassing now” which I talked about in my post here, the statement isn’t meant literally. The statement is just expressing a larger tension that has been built up by history, social norms, and expectations.

we all know men used to go to war, and men still go to war and fight today so what is this statement really insinuating?

when you see most of these videos they are usually posted by women comparing “men used to go to war” with something that is more commonly done by women. even though many woman will tell you that there is no such thing as the idea of gender-coded behaviour, this is an example that shows that we see the differences between genders. I don’t even think people have an “issue” with a man drinking matcha or posting aesthetic photos. it’s the added layers beyond these small behaviours that make society take note in the shift in many men today. the men normalizing 50-50 in relationships, the men who can’t express healthy masculinity, the men who don’t know or choose to treat women poorly. these are the day to day situations that have been embedded into the society and created the change that we are slowly noticing.

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naturally a woman upon her fitrah (natural inclination) desires a man who portrays masculine qualiteies. I don’t think women are saying that modern men should go and join the army, because lets be real most men who go out to fight are fighting the wrong battles with the wrong people. women are often revealing a want, and sometimes need for certain characteristics in men that aren’t very common nowadays.

a man who is able to defend himself and those he loves whether it be emotionally, physically, or morally is an attribute that women desire in men. now when a man isn’t able to protect himself and those he loves, and his behaviours show passivity, this creates dissonance between who he is expected to be and how he is presenting himself. Allah(سبحانه وتعالى) says in the Quran:

ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ ٣٤

Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially.

Surah An-Nisa, Ayah 34

this is not an attack on men, just my personal short reflection on why I think the phrase “men used to go to war” was going around. just like men, many women also have things that we should work on that have been normalized in our society that aren’t aligned with our fitrah. this subject is very broad and this post is just a drop in the ocean of what can be talked about regarding it.

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The nature of these special moments is that they come and go. The middle of the night comes while we sleep and is gone by the time we awake for Fajr. Friday comes, and is gone before we’ve had our dinner. Monday and Thursday pass while we await the weekend. All these moments come and are eagerly waiting for us to seize on their opportunity. And yet, a lot of the time we fail, myself included to grab these amazing opportunities of increasing our worship, multiplying our rewards, and getting special guarantees from Allah for goodness.

We have just entered the blessed month of Rajab. One of the 4 special months that Allah mentions in the Quran.

إِنَّ عِدَّةَ ٱلشُّهُورِ عِندَ ٱللَّهِ ٱثْنَا عَشَرَ شَهْرًۭا فِى كِتَـٰبِ ٱللَّهِ يَوْمَ خَلَقَ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضَ مِنْهَآ أَرْبَعَةٌ حُرُمٌۭ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ ٱلدِّينُ ٱلْقَيِّمُ ۚ فَلَا تَظْلِمُوا۟ فِيهِنَّ أَنفُسَكُمْ ۚ وَقَـٰتِلُوا۟ ٱلْمُشْرِكِينَ كَآفَّةًۭ كَمَا يُقَـٰتِلُونَكُمْ كَآفَّةًۭ ۚ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ مَعَ ٱلْمُتَّقِينَ ٣٦

Indeed, the number of months ordained by Allah is twelve—in Allah’s Record since the day He created the heavens and the earth—of which four are sacred. That is the Right Way. So do not wrong one another during these months. And fight the polytheists together as they fight together against you. And know that Allah is with those mindful ˹of Him˺.

—Surah Tawbah, Ayah 36

Just as Allah has made fighting forbidden during these sacred months, He has also made sins more serious in them and the reward for good deeds even greater. This means that we should not wrong ourselves by committing sins, engaging in destructive acts, or falling into immorality and wrongdoing; because sins during these months are more severe and more sinful that at other times.

And the months that are being talked about in the ayah are mentioned in the hadith narrated by Abu Bakr where the The Prophet (ﷺ) said:

“Time has come back to its original state which it had when Allah created the Heavens and the Earth; the year is twelve months, four of which are sacred. Three of them are in succession; Dhul-Qa’da, Dhul-Hijja and Al-Muharram, and (the fourth being) Rajab Mudar (named after the tribe of Mudar as they used to respect this month) which stands between Jumad (ath-thani) and Sha’ban.”

—Sahih al-Bukhari 4662

The blessed months of Rajab is the best time to start preparing for Ramadan, which is now in 2 months, 60 days away! How fast have the days gone by, and they will only speed up from here. A lot of the scholars of Islam liken Rajab to planting seeds, Sha’ban for the fruit to grow, and Ramadan for harvesting the fruit. Now if you start planting in Ramadan then how can you expect to harvest your best fruits? The later you start planting your seeds, the more limited your harvest will reap.

Now even though Rajab is a very special & honoured month, there is no specific fast, prayer, or Dua that needs to be done in this month. There are many misconceptions about worship during its first night, its 15th night, or any other day/night of the month which have no authentic evidence for it.

Shaykh Ibn Hajar (رحمه الله) said:

“There is no authentic Hadith that can be used as evidence regarding the virtue of the month of Rajab, nor regarding fasting it, nor fasting any specific days of it, nor standing in prayer on any specific night of it.”

So what are some simple things that we can do to make the most of this month?

1. Sincere repentance and leaving sins

2. Make du‘a to reach Ramadan and for acceptance

3. Psychological preparation and disciplining the self

4. Guard time and cut distractions

5. Commit to stopping one specific sin

6. Mend and protect Salah

7. Build a daily relationship with the Quran

8. Invest in consistent good deeds

9. Avoid major and habitual sins

10. Daily self-accountability and intention renewal

I also have a recommended youtube video that I have watched before Ramadan for the past 2 years that has really helped in giving tips for Ramadan and preparation for it that I will have linked below!

A Step by Step Blueprint For Ramadan

Your prep for Ramadan starts here and now, start watering your heart so that you enjoy the fruits of your labor in Ramadan!

If you have any tips for preparing for Ramadan, we would love to hear you ideas in the comment section below🌙

A Step by Step Blueprint For Ramadan

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• a combination of qualities that pleases the intellect or moral sense.

Definition of beautiful: having an attractive quality that gives pleasure to those who experience it or think about it:

beauty in my opinion is a very diverse word. when I think of the words “you’re beautiful just the way you are” I don’t just think about physical beauty, I think about all aspects that make humans wonderful. personality, characteristics, quirks, ways of thinking and everything in between are ways that humans showcase their beauty. what do you do when others don’t appreciate your beauty? or worse you don’t see the beauty in yourself?

there are times when I didn’t like myself. whether it was to do with looks, personality, or where I was in life there was always something I was picking at. when I was younger it mostly had to do with appearances. In the awkward teenage stage of growing I was insecure of how I looked because of societal beauty standards and comments from grown adults about how I looked like a mother when I was out with my little siblings. that stage of my life was rough. my youtube history was full of every “how to loose weight fast” video and yet nothing seemed to change. I tried a water fast at 12 and made it through the second day before I started feeling dizzy and called it quits. as I sit here writing this years later, I feel bad for that younger version of me. I also feel disappointed in the adults who made those comments and didn’t realize how ingrained those comments were getting to me.

I remember going to a family wedding that year and my distant aunt and younger cousin telling me “you’re beautiful just the way you are”. I was stressed about how I looked and I guess it showed. unfortunately for them I didn’t believe them, and I didn’t believe those words until a few years ago.

when I grew out of my teenage growth stage and finally “looked my age” I was faced with another dillema. I was trying to fit in, but I didn’t know where I belonged. I was too quiet when I met people so I always felt like I missed so many opportunities to get to for connections with people. I watched others easily form friendships and keep them while I felt like I was forming shallow relationships with people I wasn’t sure I could actually call friends. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had (and still have) an avoidant attachment style, which meant I seemed self sufficent & self confident from the outside, but I really just had a low tolerance for emotional intimacy and struggled to form long-lasting relationships.

Find out your attachment style

since I didn’t realize that about myself, I thought I was the problem. Is it because of how I act? what I was wearing? what I did or didn’t do? all the thoughts made me spiral into shutting down and telling myself “I don’t need anyone anyway” which is a reaction typical of avoidant tendencies. the problem was the minute I shut down I felt my heart fighting with myself, because the truth was I did need people and my feelings were all over the place. It reminds me of a quote that I saw on pinterest that said:

“Sometimes I wish I didn’t care, but then I wouldn't be me.” ❤

I look back at the diary entries I would write in those times of confusion and wish I could give myself a hug. If I didn’t have good grades to prove my self worth in those times, I don’t where my mental health would’ve been going forward.

Throught the years as I started making more independent decisions, I realized I needed to accept myself for who I was in the present. I couldn’t be my own bully and I most certainly couldn’t be my own enemy. Enemies don’t lift us up, they tear us down. if I wanted to be able to become my authentic self, I had to accept myself even if I wasn’t where I wanted to be.

I still have those negative thoughts from years ago that pop up in my head once in a while, especially when unconsciously triggered. when a youtube ad about loosing weight fast pops up and sounds a bit too familiar to the videos from years ago. when loneliness creeps up on me and I’m questioning whether I should reach out to people. when I think I made a friendship and the connection with the person withers away. I still have my moments, but they’re not controlling me like they were before.

I’m able to sit with myself and reflect on what’s triggering me and how I can deal withe the situation moving forward. If I feel insecure about something I’m able to stop myself from spiraling into “fix it” mode and ask myself why I feel insecure. what is my motivation behind changing myself and will improving that aspect help me or cover up wounds from something else? There’s nothing wrong with wanting self improvement, but when that improvement comes at the cost of creating a bigger wound it’s time to evaluate what’s really happening.

Sometimes we think others are our biggest enemy which sometimes they are, especially when they plant the toxic seeds, but what are we telling ourselves? Are we feeding the negative thoughts or are we breathing them in and exhaling them out where they should be? If we don’t realize the beauty we already have, we’ll never realized that we’re beautiful just the way we are.

• the embarrassment is out of fear of humiliation from being broken up with or being treated poorly and getting pity from people in their life or online audience. or as Chante Joseph mentioned in her article, to avoid the “widespread heterofatalism”.

• women have come to the point where they can be independent and don’t need to rely on a man, so being in a relationship can come across as embarassing because you are an “independent woman”.

• when a woman get’s into a relationship they “dissapear” which makes it seem like a man swept her off her feet and then comes back to her friends when the relationship turns sour.

• some people deny the argument all together and claim it is for the relationships privacy that they don’t share anything about their relationship or only show subtle signs or “soft launch” their relationship.

• the quality of men is low and the fear of a man being one of those low quality men and being judged for picking him keeps the woman from sharing her relationship status.

*This is how I understood the comments made on this article and is just my perspective. I may have missed some points, but hopefully this can give a little insight for anyone who didn’t see the responses on social media.

Muslims consuming content

As Muslims who consume content we should be wary of what information we take in and make sure we are educating ourselves on the Islamic perspective of these topics. The reality is majority of Muslims are on social media and are keeping up to date with trending topics. What becomes dangerous is when we don’t have the Islamic knowledge to safeguard us from being misguided and following the thoughts and ideas of others.

In an article by the Center of Human Technology it mentions that “our brain is naturally wired to want to follow popular opinions of those around us to build stronger communities around shared ideas.” and “this can become cognitive biases, or ways in which our brains’ patterns make us vulnerable to errors in judgment, manipulation, and exploitation.” So if we don’t protect ourselves by seeking the Islamic knowledge, we can easily be influenced by what we listen to, and see it as okay even when it’s not.

what’s actually embarassing?

Now this topic is way deeper than it seems, which is why there are so many sides of the conversation that people are bringing up. The title of this Vogue piece is what seemed to trigger people to respond. Most women whether they were in a relationship or not responded with “the short answer being, yes”. Most men stayed quiet.

What I think people find embarassing is that there aren’t many good men, and yet we still need them—so when a woman ends up with a lesser man or settles that’s what becomes embarassing, especially when all hell breaks loose in the relationship. Even though in the situation where the man was at fault and he should’ve been the one being criticized, a lot of the time people drag the woman which is completely unfair.

The truth is relationships became a playground for men to use women because a lot of the time they let those men into their lives. Whereas in Islaam a man is supposed to be vetted by your wali, some people just let any man have access to them which is an opportunity for men to use them. This is not to say that a man can’t put on a facade and end up being the opposite of what he showed himself to be, but for the majority of haram relationships both parties entertained what they knew they weren’t supposed to, which in turn removed the barakah from the relationship.

the Muslim community in this situation

Although as Muslims we don’t get boyfriends, there is a sense of “embarassment” when it comes to husbands or getting married. You can feel it in the awkward silence when someone brings up wanting to get married in a conversation and the glorification and normalization of those who say they don’t want to get married.

In fact Chante Joseph mentions a similar point in her article:

“Where being single was once a cautionary tale (you’ll end up a “spinster” with loads of cats), it is now becoming a desirable and coveted status—another nail in the coffin of a centuries-old heterosexual fairytale that never really benefited women to begin with.”

As Muslims we should not be normalizing this narrative of trying to stay single. There is nothing wrong with making the most of your single years, but it should not be a flex to stay single forever. It was narrated from Aishah that: the Messenger of Allah said:

“Marriage is part of my sunnah, and whoever does not follow my sunnah has nothing to do with me. Get married, for I will boast of your great numbers before the nations. Whoever has the means, let him get married, and whoever does not, then he should fast for it will diminish his desire.”

—Sunan Ibn Majah 1846

While I do agree with the argument that women shouldn’t make their whole world revolving around men, there does need to be a balance. There is nothing wrong with being excited to have a husband to love and care for and vice versa—but all your happiness shouldn’t revolve around it. Don’t believe that “everything will be better once I get married”, you have to strive to become the person you want to be in your marriage before you get married. Marriage with the right person should make you an even better version of your present self.

Umm Darda Kubra was asked:

are there any good men left?

Another truth is the pool of good men has dwindled. I’ll be the first one to admit that. Even in the Muslim community, the amount of stories of Muslim mens upside down mindset whether it’s red pill, colourism, 50-50, controlling behaviour, or anything in between would send any Muslimah running for the hills. I also understand the exhaustion of talking from one prospect to another and realizing that not only were they not green flags, they were adding more red flags onto your list that you didn’t even know existed. Whenever you go 10 steps forward in an engagement it feels like going back to square 1 when it ends, which can become draining.

The answer isn’t to loose hope and promise ourselves to singleness, or delay marriage until we’re desperate for anyone who comes our way though. We should go back to the one who has always provided for us and will provide us with the husband that we desire—Ar-Razzaq, the total provider and the sustainer for all His creation.

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah said:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Allah says: ‘I am just as My slave thinks I am, (i.e. I am able to do for him what he thinks I can do for him) and I am with him if He remembers Me. If he remembers Me in himself, I too, remember him in Myself; and if he remembers Me in a group of people, I remember him in a group that is better than they; and if he comes one span nearer to Me, I go one cubit nearer to him; and if he comes one cubit nearer to Me, I go a distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.’ “

—Sahih al-Bukhari 7405

Also narrated from Abu Harairah:

“There are three who are promised the help of Allah: The Mukatab who wants to buy his freedom, the one who gets married seeking to keep himself chaste, and the Mujahid who fights in the cause of Allah.”

—Sunan an-Nasa’i 3218

If we don’t believe that Allah is able to help us, then no one will be able to help us.

final thoughts

Even though this topic doesn’t necessarily relate to me as a Muslim, there is a somewhat equivalent matter that is also being experienced in the Muslim community. Since social media consists of non-Muslim and Muslim influencers alike both sides may have differing, or sometimes the same opinions. We should make sure we are consciously filtering out the thoughts and ideas that don’t align with Islam—because what we watch and listen to can influence us whether we realize it or not.

And for the record, having a boyfriend is embarassing, having a husband isn’t.

Thank you for reading! I’d love to hear what you guys think in the comments below. I’ve also started my sisters only subscirbers chat that you can join below ✨

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The fact that I’m where I’m at today would put my past self in a panic attack. I’m in a time of my life where there’s techinically a lot of uncertainty, if you call not being in school and not having a job uncertainty that is, but I believe I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. It was hard to accept that I wasn’t following my perfectly curated plan for my life, but I realized holding onto the past was holding me back from embracing my present. I talk more about this in my post grieving my past self.

I used to be the girl who planned out their whole entire life. What university I’d go to, what job I’d go into and how much money I’d make, what age I’d get married and what years I’d have my kids, and everything under the sun. As the years went by, life taught me that it doesn’t go by my time or my plans . As Allah says in the Quran:

…But they plan, and Allāh plans. And Allāh is the best of planners.

Surah Al-Anfal, Ayah 30

This Ayah helped me a lot in times of panic when things didn’t go as I’d expected. As someone who used to travel every few years for my parents work, I didn’t get to choose a lot of the circumstances I was placed in. I remember the time I found out I had to move from the United States to Egypt in grade 6. I was so anxious because I’d been living in Western countries for so long and I’d built a community where I was living. I wouldn’t have friends there, I barely knew Arabic, and they have summer the whole year?! Funny enough Egypt does actually get quite cold in the winter months. I mention this story because I remember the fear & anxiety my 12 year old self felt, and yet I didn’t have anything to fear, I actually quite enjoyed Egypt and I wish my past self knew all the things my present self knew so she could bring all the inexpensive Islamic books, Abayas, khimars, and niqabs for me.

A lot of the ways we dealt with situations when we were younger turn into the same habits when we’re older. When things didn’t go as I planned when I was younger I would be upset but go into autopilot and shutdown. As I grew older and became more connected to the Deen, I didn’t just want to shutdown & let things be, I wanted to intentionally accept the way things were going in my life not for me but because of my trust in Allah. A Hadith that really captures this is when the Prophet(ﷺ) said:

Trusting in Allah became a big crutch for me in highschool. I was at my peak when it came to practicing Islam and highschool was not the best breeding ground during that time. Every weekend I’d have to remind myself that there was nothing wrong with wanting to practice at school, and then the week would start and I would get doubts because of what I saw around me and would have to start from a fresh slate that weekend. AlhamduliAllah I came out unscathed and now I smile at my journal entries where I was breaking down in those years, but the mental battle was there and real—should I follow everyone else or trust that Allah will bring me opportunities I couldn’t see yet?

Our brains are wired to treat uncertainty as a danger even though there is no certainty that something bad will happen. The problem is if we stay in the comfort of “safety” we miss out on opportunities and sometimes led in the wrong direction. When you face uncertainty, you shouldn’t look at others, you should look within yourself. What do you want in life and will Allah be pleased with it? And if things don’t go the way you were expecting don’t give up and breakdown, trust that Allah has something better in store for you. If you did things for Allahs sake while staying away from haram Allah will never forsake you. The problem comes when we expect continuous goodness in our lives while disobeying Allah, but that’s a topic for another day. I’ll leave you all with this beautiful ayah where Allah says:

…And whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make a way out for them, {2} and provide for them from sources they could never imagine. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He ˹alone˺ is sufficient for them. Certainly Allah achieves His Will. Allah has already set a destiny for everything.

Surah At-Talaq, Ayat 2-3

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I’m sure we can all relate to having an obsession with having a best friend forever (bff) when we were younger, at least I do. Especially as girls we crave having emotional connections from as young as preschool age, whereas men have more of a transactional relationship through activity with each other. Female to female friendships help raise oxytocin (love & bonding hormone) which is especially created through face to face connection with other women. Studies have also shown that friendships with other women help support our mental health to reduce stress and increase feeling of happiness and provide emotional support. Oh how great it is to be a woman, alhamduliallah.

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It’s also been shown that men are more likely to open up to a female because of their higher oxytocin hormones. My theory is that’s another reason why men and women can’t just be friends, because one person will always be thinking of the other as more (usually the man) and that’s why they only share that love with that one special person. But hey, you can disagree with me it’s just my theory (that I stand by)🤗.

Friendships have such a profound effect on us and how we see the world. If you have positive friends around you, you’re usually more positive. When you have negative friends around that also bleeds into your life as negativity. I find that as I’ve grown older I’ve mentally categorized all my friendships, but one thing that all of the groups share is that they all affect me positively. No toxicity around here. It’s so important to make sure that the friends we have are genuine people that want to see us thrive. Basically any positive adjective, that’s what you want in a friend. Multiple negative adjectives you may want to reconsider that friendship, emphasis on multiple because we’re all healing❤.

With all that said I do believe people can change. And if your friend isn’t the best person having a genuine conversation can foster change in them if they see their faults. If they play victim and don’t want to acknowledge and change their ways it’s better to distance yourself or cut them off before their character bleeds onto you. This topic is also mentioned in the Quran and Sunnah multiple times.

Abu Musa reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, the parable of good and bad company is that of a seller of musk and a blacksmith. The seller of musk will give you perfume, you will buy some, or you will notice a pleasant smell. As for the blacksmith, he will burn your clothes, or you will notice a bad smell.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5534, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2628

Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “A man is upon the religion of his best friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.”

Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2378

ٱلْأَخِلَّآءُ يَوْمَئِذٍۭ بَعْضُهُمْ لِبَعْضٍ عَدُوٌّ إِلَّا ٱلْمُتَّقِينَ ٦٧

Close friends, that Day, will be enemies to each other, except for the righteous

Surah Az-Zukhruf, Ayah 67

A lot of the time we focus on the close friendships, which don’t get me wrong I loveee my close friends, but there is something sweet in the people who you’re friends with even though you’re not very close with them. You were bonded in a random moment, you see each other a few times a year and you always click and talk about everything and anything. Or the people you share niche interests with and you come together to share your love for the same things. Maybe it’s just me, but I find these friendships especially unique. And who said you had to put a cap on the amount of friends you have? There’re too many unique people in this world for that. (I’m saying this as if my introvert self can make friends on a whim). If the relationship is good, healthy, and beneficial then I say the more the merrier.

This is your reminder that you deserve good friendships around you, and you don’t have to keep people in your life that are toxic just because “we’ve known each other forever” or “I know they’re whole family” or any other reason because ultimately your friendships affect you, and either make you or break you. And of course make sure your friendships are for the sake of Allah, because that will truly guide you to those who are good for you.

To the people who haven’t found their people yet, good friendships are also a blessing so ask Allah for good companionship, just like the righteous people of the past did. Some answered duas of the people of the past:

• Hadith #1

• Hadith #2

And on that note, take a moment out of your day or night and let your friend know that you love them for the sake of Allah just as the Prophet(ﷺ) told us to.

Al-Miqdam ibn Ma’dikarib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “When one of you loves his brother, let him know.”

Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2392

P.S I had to hold myself back from ranting about studies of oxytocin levels in men and women and how that makes our relationships different, but I held back 🙂

The Muslim community usually has to speak up for itself when violence occurs, and then it almost seems that the media begrudgingly speaks up and then brushes it under the rug. You would think we were making progress because the world is even more intermingled than it ever was and we have the internet where people can learn about Islam if they really wanted to, but no, we seem to always fall back to square 1. In fact now it uncovers the real truth that wasn’t fully seen before.

Most non-Muslim don’t like Muslims and they don’t want Islam to thrive. There are many reasons for this, none that I will justify because nothing should stop you from treating someone like a normal human being. One of the main reasons I feel like non-Muslims find Muslims “weird” or have a deep hatred for Islam, is because they just don’t get it. They don’t get why you would follow a religions very precisely when the world is sooo modernized and we have “more freedom!”. It especially upsets them because we just won’t give up, we believe in our message and we aren’t appolegetic about it. There are some Muslims that succumb to the pressure and become apologetic about Islam, which causes more harm than they realize, but that’s a discussion for another day. Of course there are non-Muslims who are respectful & kind to Muslims, but unfortunately that is the minority, while some hide behind a façade and are secretly keyboard warriors.

This blog stems from a conversation I was having with while we were walking around the neighborhood, which is predominantly white. We were just chatting about anything and everything and then we were discussing hijra and the difficulty of living in a Western country. In that exact moment a male, white biker mutters something at us while he’s riding by. Not just him, in our 2 hour walk we encountered 2 other male, white bikers who made a comment at us while they were biking past us. Unfortunately for them we either barely heard what they said, or didn’t understand the underlying message they were getting at💀.

Sometimes I just don’t understand their logic because how are you going to verbally harass 2 women, one with a child in a stroller and then turn around and talk about human rights? Pick a side buddy. This incident was jarring to me because of the back to back commentary and then (yes there’s more), the people staring at us like they had never seen Muslim women outside before?! Like can a Muslimah girl please just get some peace? It made me remember the hadith:

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:

“Islam began as something strange and will go back to being strange, so glad tidings to the strangers.’”

Sunan Ibn Majah 3986

All this to say, although living in these countries is “easier” in many aspects the hardships make living in a Muslim country all the more appealing. And I bet that’s what they want to hear right? Stop openly practicing your Islamic beliefs here and just go live in a Muslim country. What they don’t understand is that first of all that’s hypocritical because like I said before you guys don’t shy away from pushing your beliefs in our faces, and 2. This world doesn’t belong to you and just because you don’t agree with someone doesn’t mean you can’t live a long side them. And 3. At least we’re not coming and kicking people off their land like most of these countries did when they found native people on the land.

For a lot of us moving to a Muslim country or even our motherland may not be something that we’re capable of doing due to many reasons which is understandable. But, while we’re living in the non-Muslim lands we have to remember that although it is hard we should continue to practice our religion, seek knowledge, and not be intimidated to water down the religion because we have Allah on our side and our reward for our hardship is with Him alone.

There are so many lessons we can take from the Sahaabiyaat, the wives of the Salaf, and of course the Mothers of the believers, May Allah have mercy on them all. This is a topic that should concern both men and women, so that we can skip past ridiculous content and claims about how Muslim women should be, when we clearly have evidence of how great Muslim women were. How can we as Muslims with the divine Quran and perfect evidences be fighting each other about the way we are supposed to live?

Let’s get started Bismiallah:

They believed in Allah

Khadija bint Khuwaylid was the first person to become Muslim. She had no hesitation when she found out that her husband the Propeht Muhammad(ﷺ) was a prophet of Allah. She supported him and stood by him even when life got difficult and others were rejecting him.

There is also the example of the women who rushed to fulfill the command of hijab when it was revealed to the Prophet(ﷺ). They didn’t wait, they didn’t hesitate or complain, they rushed to fulfill the command because of their love of Allah and His Prophet(ﷺ)

Narrated `Aishah: May Allah bestow His Mercy on the early emigrant women. When Allah revealed: "... and to draw their veils all over their Juyubihinna (i.e., their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms)..." (V.24:31) they tore their Murat (woolen dresses or waist-binding clothes or aprons etc.) and covered their heads and faces with those torn Muruts.

Sahih Al-Bukhari 4758

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They were modest and shy

‘A’isha said: I used to enter my house in which God’s messenger was and put off my garment, saying that only my husband and my father were there; but when ‘Umar was buried along with them, I swear by God that I did not enter it without having my clothes wrapped round me owing to modesty regarding ‘Umar.

(The tradition refers to the time after the death of the Prophet and Abu Bakr who were buried in ‘A’isha’s house. When 'Umar died he was buried beside them. As ‘A’isha was not related to him she felt she must observe the usual conventions regarding men who were not near relatives, even although ‘Umar was dead, for it evidently seemed to her as if he were really in the house.)

— Reference: Mishkat al-Masabih 1771

Modesty and shyness should come together:

A lot of the time, the term shyness gets misinterpreted for the actual personality of being shy. What is usually meant by having shyness or Haya is being bashful and having self respect, especially in front of those who are non-Mahram. A great example of this is when Musa(عليه السلام) helped the 2 women feed their sheep, and one of the sisters comes back to tell him he is invited by her father to her family’s house.

They sought knowledge

There are many great examples that show that the great women of Islam sought knowledge. Whether it was for the worldly life or the hereafter it was always beneficial knowledge. They didn’t let anything get in their way of seeking knowledge. There are many examples of women asking questions to the Prophet(ﷺ), even issues pertaining to women that could be considered “embarassing”. All those moments where they asked questions has made it easy for us to seek the answers to questions we ask everyday.

Aisha (RA) said: “How excellent were the women of the Ansar! Shyness did not prevent them from learning their religion.”

—Sahih Muslim (Hadith 332)

They also didn't let the fact that men had more opportunity to get knowledge from the Prophet(ﷺ) discourage them. Instead they took the initiative to ask Him to give them time to teach them as well.

Narrated Abu Sa`id: A woman came to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Men (only) benefit by your teachings, so please devote to us from (some of) your time, a day on which we may come to you so that you may teach us of what Allah has taught you." Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Gather on such-and-such a day at suchand- such a place." They gathered and Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) came to them and taught them of what Allah had taught him.

—Sahih Al-Bukhari 7310

They made mistakes

Even with how great these women were, they also made mistakes because they are only human. Just like us! What matters is that they repented to Allah for their mistakes, which is a principle we should also carry in our lives.

An example of this is when Hafsa and Aisha (رضي الله عنهما) did something that displeased the Prophet (ﷺ) and Allah revealed:

˹It will be better˺ if you ˹wives˺ both turn to Allah in repentance, for your hearts have certainly faltered. But if you ˹continue to˺ collaborate against him, then ˹know that˺ Allah Himself is his Guardian. And Gabriel, the righteous believers, and the angels are ˹all˺ his supporters as well. (Surah At-Tahrim, Ayah 4)

Full explanation: (video, 2:07:08-2:10:35)

They had feelings

We’ve all have those times where we feel the need to suppress our emotions or maybe we feel ashamed of the way we feel. But we have so many examples of great women of Islam who experienced emotion and the description of their feelings and reactions were not left out of the great evidences of Islam. From happiness to sadness, contentment, anger & jealousy they also felt it all. Here are two beautiful examples:

Narrated `Aisha: The Prophet (ﷺ) in his fatal illness, called his daughter Fatima and told her a secret because of which she started weeping. Then he called her and told her another secret, and she started laughing. When I asked her about that, she replied, The Prophet (ﷺ) told me that he would die in his fatal illness, and so I wept, but then he secretly told me that from amongst his family, I would be the first to join him, and so I laughed."

Sahih al-Bukhari 3625, 3626

Narrated `Aisha: I did not feel jealous of any of the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) as much as I did of Khadija though I did not see her, but the Prophet (ﷺ) used to mention her very often, and when ever he slaughtered a sheep, he would cut its parts and send them to the women friends of Khadija. When I sometimes said to him, "(You treat Khadija in such a way) as if there is no woman on earth except Khadija," he would say, "Khadija was such-and-such, and from her I had children."

Sahih al-Bukhari 3818

There are so many other great things that these women and so many others that I didn’t mention did that can help us navigate the confusing world we live in today. With the online culture of seeking advice from random strangers and feeling lost from receiving different opinions, sometimes it helps to come back to the source, the Quran and sunnah to give us the advice we were meant to receive. Please don’t confuse yourself with talk from people who have no credentials and show no respect when talking about women.

Let me know what you’re favorite example was! or who you look up to the most from these great women of Islam❤

yasmine🌸

I will be the first to admit that I love the convenience of searching up Hadiths, ayat, and Islamic rulings online (of course from reputable sources). However, one thing I do constantly think about is how much more effort the people in the past put into seeking knowledge. These people traveled in the hardest conditions to get information that they valued and yet some people these days can’t commit to one class in their own city or town with no excuse.

While I do understand that not everyone can or may not even want to pursue higher education in Islamic studies, I do find it concerning when people don’t even want to learn the bear minimum of Islamic knowledge. This knowledge is going to benefit you, and not learning about your obligations can be held against you if you have the resources to learn them.

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Seeking knowledge is an obligation upon every Muslim.”

Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 224

I remember when I was in highschool if I ever suggested going to the masjid for learning opportunities, online classes, or even halaqahs at school, I was usually met with “Oh I learnt that when I was younger” or “I already know a little about that”. I didn’t even feel judgemental towards these people, I just felt bad that they were missing out on small opportunities to become better.

I think a big thing that contributes towards this carelessness of learning is the fact that we have so many resources nowadays and we don’t see the value of it. Someone can want an answer to something, and instead of going to people with actual knowledge they'll ask Sheikh Google and now even worse CHATGBT has joined the club! And there's nothing wrong with researching online, but it can’t be your main source of seeking knowledge.

Allah says is in the Quran:

The general meaning of this part of the Ayah is that if you don’t know something, you should ask the people of knowledge.

We should try even if it is a little, to always be learning something from our religion everyday. What's the point of our life as Muslims if we are not continuously learning and striving to be better? Our purpose of creation is to worship Allah (Surah Dhariyat, Ayah 56), but how can you worship Allah if you don’t know how to and aren’t striving to improve everyday?

Sheikh Salih Al-Fawzan (حَفِظَهُ ٱللّٰهُ) said:

"Beware of getting tired of seeking knowledge. Seek knowledge, even if your comprehension is little. For little (knowledge) coupled with righteous actions, in it is a blessing and good. Continuing in seeking knowledge no doubt is good. Seeking knowledge is a form of worship, and is more virtuous than the supererogatory prayer." [Sharh Al-Fatwa Al-Hamawiyyah, Tape 14]

We should take the examples of those better than us, like the Sahaba and the pious predecessors in their ways of seeking knowledge. Any time they had a question they asked those that had knowledge. If the person was in a different area they travelled there no matter the length of time it took and the hardship to get there. They were consistent in their learning even if it was small. They respected their teachers and implemented what they learned.

Even people today travel from their comfortable lives to go and seek knowledge in other countires. I have a lot of respect for those people and especially the people who can’t and still make use of the resources they have where they live. It can be hard to focus in a country & environment that doesn’t cater to that journey, but it is possible and anyone can do it if they put in the effort and Allah wants them to.

I hope this is an encouragement for all of us to continue seeking beneficial knowledge and to not completely rely on the internet for our questions. Maybe I’ll make a seperate post about some example of people from the past who Allah blessed to excell in their knowledge. And if you’re finding the journey difficult, don’t give up, it’s meant to be hard and that’s what makes what you gain sweeter. ✨

This incident made me have a reflection on the memorization of the Quran. If my intention wasn’t strong I would’ve just given up, like I think about doing everytime it gets hard but I always take it back. And if you really want to memorize the Quran or do anything else in life you actually have to put a conscious effort and accept the set-backs a long the way. It reminded me of this; about the people of the Quran:

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, Allah has His own people among humanity.” They said, “O Messenger of Allah, who are they?” The Prophet said, “They are the people of the Quran, the people of Allah and His chosen ones.” —Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 215

You get to be amongst the people of Allah if you make the Quran your companion. This isn’t a low status so it must come with hardwork. May Allah make us all people of the Quran.

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The thing about the Quran is if you forget it, it will not come after you. If you let the dunya distract you, it will distract you until you reminisce on the times the Quran filled you with comfort more than anything can in this world. So we must work hard in putting the Quran in our daily lives no matter how busy we are.

Even if it’s 1 page, half a page, or 1 ayah, as long as you make a conscious effort to make the Quran a part of your life it will not disappoint.

The Quran will open doors for you that you couldn’t even imagine. I don’t know about you all, but the happiest people I’ve seen are those who know the Quran and dedicate their lives to teaching it. Most of them don’t have fancy degrees, jobs or lavish lifestyles and yet they seem content and more happy than those living that lifestlyle. It reminds me of this Hadith:

Narrated `Uthman: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "The best among you (Muslims) are those who learn the Qur'an and teach it." —Sahih al-Bukhari 5027

So if you don’t read from the Quran everyday or you’ve realized you’ve fallen off track start from today and make the Quran your companion.

And if we neglect the Quran and still wonder why we don’t feel fulfilled in life, who is to blame? As Allah says in the Quran:

We have been given the guidance—the question is, will we take it?

This post is a reminder for me first, and has also helped me reflect on my shortcomings of the Quran. May Allah protect us from that which will distract us from the Quran, and allow us to benefit and implement its guidance. ❤