He was disappointed but one day he saw a very small premule which had sprouted overnight, and it gave him a blister of hope. He patiently kept nurturing each premule and suddenly within a short span of time he found his house had been surrounded by long sky touching shoots. Years of patience lastly came back to him and those huge shoots are named “Chinese Bamboo.”

This extract that I wrote is a true depiction of my life. In my life, I have achieved nothing in these 20 years. This 14th of October I will turn 21 and I will find myself at the same spot, where I was in 2020 (6 years ago). I keep failing and failing on multiple things, on studies, relations, and career. But am still running in the race, building the same shit again with more effort from last time and giving it my all. During all these years I have been telling myself it’s okay, you are not late just persevere and persevere, once things will come to you and you will get what you want. But is that the easy thing to do? The answer is a huge NO.

It is not a movie, where you find a character suddenly thinking of changing and within a 3 minute song he achieved everything. This is real life cruel and more practical. And to build something extraordinary you need the most basic and pivotal thing “PATIENCE”.

And that is what you see on the bamboo trees in China. Just like that my life has always been a lag phase where I am trying to find what I like and what I should do with my career. And building my base strong, gathering my strength to just walk even if it means crawling but never stopping.And somehow I feel growth inside me from the last half of this year.

I have always been very fond of nature as it always helped me, dragging me out of the swamp. When someone becomes successful overnight we appreciate them, we try to copy them. But we forget one, that how much of a struggle that person would have done to reach there.

When we try to build something from scratch it brings lots of ups and downs. No matter how much we try it will never be perfect. But what differentiates us from being ordinary is how we work on our worst days and keep the loss minimal. There will be times when you will be working your ass off, and still it will show you near to 0 results. But you have to persevere and persevere, keep patience, believe the process and after some time you will find the growth and growth always happens in a long phase. Its graph grows exponentially.

When we go out in nature you will find amusing creatures, which teach us such beautiful life lessons. So, if you have something to achieve, something to do extraordinary then you have to grind yourself that much too. You have to make your basics strong and have enough enthusiasm to last long in this process. Keep the patience grow your roots and when it ill be time you will be rewarded exponentially.

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India is a beautiful country with a great culture, where you will find people from every culture. Every person you meet will tell you about their culture, and how to live a life like an ideal spiritual person.

But as time passes, you will expect a developing country to adopt more of a scientific approach towards the issues of their country and their life.

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But from the last few years, I have seen my country falling into the hands of some goons, who wear the shawl of religion and culture, and they become self-proclaimed protectors of religion (who nobody asked and never needed).

But what is more deteriorating is the condition of women and the approaches taken against the young couples.

I have seen people pissing anywhere, literally in between a busy road, and most of them you will find middle- aged uncles. And the public around it are just very normal with it but as soon as people see a boy and a girl walking together or even talking to each other, they seem like they are doing something hideous out there.

Rape are so much in this country, that now when two friend of opposite gender walking together minding their own business, and suddenly got encircled by so many people and in the name of moral policing they harassed them and gave life time trauma, minsiters coming up and telling “these are just minor incidents”.

Every year thousands of rape cases are getting registered in this country and nobody takes action on it or to be precised nobody wants to take action on it.

So what is the problem that is so deep that even after doing wrong people will blame the victim for their clothes about the time when they were out rather than dismantling the criminal.

The problem starts from the house. Indian households have a very big problem and that is “MORAL POLICING”. I will give you every example from my life.

One day, my friend came into the garden of my house with a girl who was his friend. And a grandmother living next to my house told my mom about this, and as she came what she told first “ this generation is always roaming with a girl doing these things and all”.

I confronted her at the same time and she just yelled at me and stopped the topic.

So, every person in India is already engraved in their mind that if a boy and girl are together then they must be having sex, and let me be frank even if they are, who are we to tell them or just give moral advice to them?

I came into social media in 2020 and till then I have talked to hundreds of girls and out of them 95% were sexually harassed at their home only.

Yes, you heard it right. India is having a crisis not only saving a girl from outer danger but from inside danger too.

Some were harassed by their mother’s brother or some cousin and all. It is horrific and what is even more terrible is that even after knowing these things their family will say “let them go don’t talk about these to the family save the relationship” and even blame the girl for this.

So, problems start from household only, where boys are saved by their family only and girls are being left with a lifetime trauma. And nowadays these things are being normalised too much.

When I go to a temple with my friend, we come with a particular path and all the people who are sitting outside at that time, will just lock their eyesight on us.

When I go out with her, my half of the mind stays on alert mode that from where some hord will come and destroy our life by giving a trauma for lifetime. Now, some will say “so what is wrong in that we are making society better only?”

But actually this shows how illiterate, and handicapped they are from their thoughts. One more problem I have noticed this month only, is that the boys behave when they see a girl.

They behave like girls are aliens coming from another planet and they comment on their body so randomly that i can’t even tell you guys what i have heard.

And if you confront them they will come with a hord to beat you and police will come to take you into custody.

Well, are there any solutions? Yes there are. First kill all the millennials (just kidding).

I am telling these so-called elders who think they have the right to morally police anyone anywhere must be put behind the bar for violating the privacy of others.

Then teach and let the opposite genders interact with each other at the nursery level. Schools should be the place where the interactions shouldn’t be neither banned nor glorified; it must become normal.

Instant action and tight even death penalty, must be given to person who has been convicted into any rape case. Regardless of their age they must be punished equally.

The family who just protect their sons and leave the daughter to fight their trauma must take action, and rather than morally policing others they should do that to their son and give him a lifetime lesson so hard that his body hair must remember it.

Make the interaction between girls and boys normal. Give proper punishments.

And change the mentality of morally polishing others and most important stop normalising these things.

Stop asking a couple to give their parent’s number. Stop glaring at someone who is going out with someone. Stop blaming the victim.

Start educating yourself. Start asking questions why the convicts are given bails after bails, Why the rapists are so easily escaping from the justice system.

Start beating your own son who has violated another’s dream. Start raising your voice for your own sister, lover and mother.

This beautiful country needs us people to step up and make an environment where our upcoming generations shouldn’t face this. The condition of women in this country was miserable only and now it is becoming worse.

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do subscribe my publication as i post articles which help you to think more cognitively..and solve the problems..and to analysis the core issue of your problems.

Hey guys, this is the continuation of my previous article………………

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1. Change your mindset

The inferiority complex that you have built for yourself inside your mind needs to change first. Stop comparing yourself with others.

Everyday appreciate yourself, talk to yourself and mention good things about yourself.

»» This may look exaggerated and silly to you but once you start doing your mind will start thinking like this. It will help you to focus more on your work rather than spending time on overthinking.

»»It will give you confidence from inside that will bring glow to your face by itself. Change in perspective gives you a hidden boost that is overlooked every time but to be honest this is the one thing that still keeps you standing on your feet.

»»When a warrior is standing alone in the middle of battle ground with multiple wounds bleeding surrounded by an army, it is his mindset that doesn’t allow him to bend his knee, it is his mindset that give such constant adrenaline rush that his vessels will pop out, such force that even make the broken legs to run, that even make the pain to disappear just to keep fighting until every single drop of blood dripped out of his body.

»»When you are in soup there are always two ways of thinking about it: whether you just cry it out, just accept that it exists and it exists to make me something more different to evolve me into something that can withstand upcoming hardships.

»» Just one pep talk to yourself that nobody see, just you with yourself. The way your nerves working to release continuous dopamine for your small achievements on your works. Adrenaline to keep going even when you hitting the wall again and again.

»»These all comes when you change your mindset from being consider yourself as a pathetic failure to as a genius warrior.

2. Change your surroundings

»»It may sound strange to you but it plays a very important role. It affects and influences your mood.

»»Our brain works more effectively when it finds everything around it in apple pie order. It gets attracted to new things more enthusiastically.

»» So, when you keep changing your surroundings often, after some time interval, you will feel a new rush of excitement inside you. When you think about changing your environment your mind goes creative, it will dig out all the ideas that are buried inside you, just to give your surroundings a phenomenal look.

»»And while you keep doing it, gradually it helps you to break the loop of overthinking. It reduces the gloomy environment around you and it helps you to think cognitively.

»» As the closed windows open after a long time, the sunlight entering the room fades away the dark cloud that was stagnant into the room for a long time. This small step will lift up you mood.

»» Try to get out of your room and find a place where you can sit alone and think peacefully {if there is not} then I suggest going to the terrace at night.

»»One may ask “How it will help?”

So let me tell you my story here.

»»As covid came in 2019, since then i am confined in the same house till yet and probably more, as you grow adult your mind want to go outside and as i been stuck on a loop for so many years. So i needed something to change and that was environment, so i started going to terrace during evening , subtle breeze use to flow, sometime it use to rain, that give me peace strength to fight from overthinking. And i started posting article. My thoughts from being failure it changed to what next what should i do next and how.

»» This is how changing your surrounding can just affect you. You mind just get so much bored from the same place that it need something new to fuel it up.

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But the addiction of your distractions, short term pleasures, prioritising secondary things, have handicapped your thought process.

Your will has shattered, even after knowing your incompetence, you are unable to command yourself to do the things that are required to get out from this sinking ship.

You make perfect plans but don’t follow them. Even if you do, there is an issue of consistency. You have become a zombie now. You wake up late, the whole day you watch reels, movies, series, porns and irrelevant videos and podcasts.

You just sleep, eat and waste your time on mobile or laptops. You continuously feeding your mind only irrelevant things, that now it has become unable to process different perspectives of looking into life.

You don’t exercise, don’t eat healthy and have turned yourself into a worm who is just feeding onto short term pleasures. You have destroyed your thoughtful and creative mind and your beautiful body.

You feel devastated looking at the mirror. You don’t feel confident about anything and make yourself believe that you are inferior to all.

At the end of the day, you just manifest the things, that you will change the things from tomorrow, but that tomorrow actually never comes in your life.

You are just talking big, imagining yourself following a perfect routine made by yourself, becoming successful, but you are afraid to give up this lavish lifestyle that is holding you back.

You are afraid of change so much that your mind is finding pleasure in those that are hazardous for you. It’s just like one having an addiction to drugs. You have all the bad habits now, you are continuously falling in every sector, your mental and physical health is depriving and in crisis and you are just a living corpse now.

Now one will ask can I get out of it? If yes then how?ye

But to be honest the question should be “am i willing to go through the process to change myself?”

There is a very common trait that you will find in every successful person who built themself from nothing. That is “they go through the grinding process everyday, regardless of health issues or financial , family problems or emotional. They always give their work priority and so the work pays them off by making them successful enough to get recognised and appreciated by the world.”

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Everyone has their own perspective to look at a particular thing and we all are slaves of our own perspective.

Whether we choose to show anger or stay silent, be political, vocal or choose to stay apolitical; everything we do that is beneficial for us with our perspective. Differences in mindset can be found everywhere, whether in relation or politics even in a theft.

A theft which you find wrong is right from that thief’s perspective. What I wanna say is we are enslaved by our mindset that hinders us from seeing things from multiple perspectives.

The chain of this slavery, that we put on ourselves is so hard to break that we prefer to stay in this world of our own as it is much easier and comfortable rather than using your cognitive mind to try to look at things from different perspectives.

The best example to explain this is a relationship and politics. Let’s go through each one of them

The best example to explain this is a relationship and politics. Let’s go through each one of them

1.Relationship

I am not in a relationship but I do have people who I love. Many times we fight and as I am very emotional even slight things affect me. When I get angry or disappointed, most of the time, I do one thing and that is “imagine myself in their place and go through the same conversation”. It helps me a lot to understand their situation and at the end it benefits our relationship in a fruitful way.

2.Politics

In India, right now two nick names have been given to each wing, right wing as “ANDHABHAKT” and left wing as LIBRANDU. It’s funny but I don’t deny both. Each side has their own agenda and they feed their people with their respective narratives. And the problematic part is that each side doesn’t wanna look at the things with other’s perspectives. I call myself neutral but that doesn’t exist. I too have my preferences and I mainly don’t support any side. But I always criticize the government and appreciate them.

In both situations, I have a very different take on everything from you all and I will do everything I can to prove them right as you too will do the same with your ideology.

So, this is what I am talking about. This enslaved mind runs on a fixed perspective and doing everything even extreme just to prove it right. It is breakable but as you will do you will find your next leg into another chain. It’s funny and frustrating at the same time when you will think and look back on your life you will find as you grew you followed a fixed trope in your life and that is why “we are slaves even after being independent.”

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Slowly, I started realising that the affection I am asking from others, even if they give it to me I will not be satisfied. Because the affection I crave for was never meant to be given by others, rather, it was meant to be given by my mother.

Yesterday, my father told my mom “He told the doctor that he is a writer who writes.” My mother reacted as “Are you mad? Are you out of your mind?” I ignored and went to my room. Was that reaction shocking to me? The answer is no. Everytime i have ever imagined myself telling mom about my writing, I have always got the same reaction in my mind.

I resumed my writing last year. I used to write one article per month. And after completion of each article, the very first thought that used to cross my mind was, “let’s show this mother”.

But I never dared to ask her to read my article. Because I knew what she would say “ You are doing these things rather than studying.” Somehow, I always knew how she would react to my words.

Once a child, who used to cry just because her mother left his side, who used to skip school just because her mother was not with him, who used to crawl in her arms every night, now can’t even share a simple thing about what he loves to do.

It was class 9, on my birthday my mid term result came, and i got 90%. My mom returned home, and she yelled at me, and again I cried (It is quite pathetic, I know I cried too much in my life, mostly for affection). Since then, I have lost my excitement for my birthday.

Then I came to social media during covid. And it was like giving the whole fucking river, to a thirsty person who has been wandering in the desert for weeks.

I started getting affection. Made several new relations. They became my sister, brother, friends, best friends, gf, lover. But here the loop began. Person after person, in every relation keeps changing.

And the void that I thought to fill with these people, somehow I made it bigger. The worst came, when the lack of affection by my mother got replaced by the lack of affection by others.

I often say in chat, hug me, I will be fine. When I console others I hug them to make them feel better. But, sending an emoji and hugging someone in real life is very different.

I never hugged anyone in my life, except once, when my elder sister was crying. I gave her my shoulder and gave her a side hug for merely 10 sec.

And that only felt awkward to me so much that I can’t explain. I don’t know why I even felt that when she is my sister only. Had I become so affectionless, that I can’t show that affection to others in real life?

The deepest wound came when the longing for my mother’s affection got replaced by the desire to feel affectionate by others.

Now, I often sit alone and ask myself, what should I do to make myself feel affectionate towards me? Will I ever be able to fill this void? Will I ever be able to hug anyone without getting awkward? Will I ever be able to be childish enough to be non chalant, without any pressure and overthinking? Will I ever be able to get patted by mom again and hug her?

I don’t know the answer to these questions. But what I know is that, this void of affection, the desire to get loved by others will stay inside me forever, and it can’t be filled.

— Sanal

Drop Your Heart

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The whole childhood he was chased by monsters one after another and at the end he had to kill his own maternal uncle. He stood with dharma in Kurukshetra, but he was cursed by Gandhari that his dynasty would be demolished like her and he saw his dynasty fall with his own eyes.

The beautiful city that he built Dwarika submerged into the water with his death.

He is omnipotent, if he would have wanted he would have made it so much easier for his human incarnation to live life. But he went through all the struggles. He never complained, instead he always smiled and faced everything. He embraced those struggles and enjoyed life to the fullest.

He was a perfect human, who faced his problems with a smile, never overthinking what future holds, always stayed true to his own beliefs, and he excels in every aspect of life. The whole universe resides inside him, and we too have a part of him inside us, we are his creation. We too have to go through struggles our entire life until we die. So, when something is inevitable then rather than slacking about that just embrace it, and fall in love with the process just like he showed us with his entire life. Struggle is infallible like god.

Life is all about struggle. From the moment you are born it starts and it ends with your death. It is the epicentre around which our life revolts. One’s life without struggle will be like a beautiful flower without its petals.

Struggle is the thing that carves us and it becomes the reason for the beautification of our life. Everyone in this world is suffering, some may have already fallen in love and some despise it.

In every stage of life we suffer, in our teenage we suffer from choosing our careers, in adulthood our jobs, responsibilities and relationships and in old age with our health and emotional voids.

We all fantasize ourselves as something in our mind at teenage, and we would choose the specific path to reach our goal. In doing that some get success and become what they fantasized themselves at teenage and most of them failed to achieve that.

Because we all see the end goal, that sudden change that becomes visible to us overnight, the displacement that one took in his life. But we overlook the most important and inevitable aspect of it, that is suffering, which plays a pivotal role in the path of success.

In order to achieve your end goal one has to be ready to sacrifice anything, make adjustments , be able to handle the worst situation calmly, accept the failures and not to give up even when you are in despair , agony or frustration.

One needs to travel a huge distance, have to put immense effort into his work which is mostly invisible to everyone to reach that pinnacle. And it can’t be achieved if you will be whining about every small problem in your life, if you run away from the process.

One has to fall in love with the process to achieve anything. All want a huge amount of money and stability in their life, a huge fame but most of them ran away when they found themself in front of a huge pile of sacrifices.

Everyone wants a good and stable relationship, where they want all lovey dovey talks, want to go on romantic dates, have good sex, just enjoy each other’s good sides, appreciate each other, and neglect bad aspects.

But nobody wants to go through the fights, serious talks, awkward silences. Nobody wants to show and accept each other in every aspect and they just keep neglecting bad ones and make a fake identity to represent themselves as perfect.

When two people come close, having different perspectives, they need to understand each other and respect them in order to maintain stability in a relationship. And it demands time, long phases where nothing will be going right but still holding onto each other struggling together, not leaving each other. But nobody wants to go through these struggles because it doesn’t match the manifestation that we have made in our brain.

Any career that you choose in your life, it brings struggles with itself.

If you wanna be a good entrepreneur, then you must have to be ready to accept the negative reviews from your users, failures of your projects, even getting bankrupt.

If you wanna be a singer, then you must have to be ready for those stages where you will have a negligible audience, your songs will not be appreciated, your CDs will not sell.

If you wanna be a writer, then you must have to be ready to get rejected by newspapers, magazines , your articles may not be accepted, your books will not be doing fine.

But when you go through all these struggles and still not give up your hard work and patience pays you off beautifully.

Everything that looks beautiful in our mind has their own struggles. You have to go through a long lag phase, where you have to work hard without giving in, without breaking apart, alone and have to overcome it.

No matter what you want in your life, struggle is inevitable, and it is the process that you have to fall in love with.

One becomes successful when he is obsessed with the process, when he is in love with the struggles that he is going through.

When you love the process you don’t become restless, rather you stay calm and embrace those obstacles with your both arms. So choose your sufferings, what you will love to struggle for. Fall in love with your struggle and keep patience and you will reach the pinnacle that you have always wanted for yourself.

— Sanal Kumar
Founder, The Better Days

Love being a emotion gives you a hope regardless of situation, whether you are in agony, despair or in frustration. A selfless emotion where one’s expectation vanishes. He stops expecting something in return for his deeds and just gives everything he has, without any discrimination for a longer period of time defines what truly love is.

But infatuation, showcasing high obsession with the person for a very short period of time. Being highly obsessed with their physical appearances and behaviours, you find yourself getting triggered by every little things that doesn’t fit according to your fantasies. And after sometime your get frustrated and it leads to the demise of your relation. One get attracted by other’s appearances, way of their talking, their behaviours, etc.., and it might give them spark at that time. But in most of the cases, it ends sooner than one expects,due to lack of understanding and acceptance of the suffering, that they have to go through to reach that pinnacle of emotion where they can experience love.

But it also depend on how you represent yourself in front of your partner. When you are infatuated with someone, you only try to show your good sides to them, or you just want to look into their good sides only. You start contradicting your own sentences, just to get through the situation quickly, multiple promises are made at that instant moment and later they all get broken, because they were never meant from the heart. You keep changing your character according to the situation just like a snake is molding its skin every time. And when all these things keep repeating and come to its breaking point, where you both can’t tolerate each other, you make it so much complicated to understand each other’s characters, that getting apart seems more peaceful to you.

When you hide your awkward sides just to get in good terms of others and ignore there too, so when the fog of this obsession, this spark starts fading away and the awkward silence hit you, you start feeling detachment with your partner, and you lost the spark that you felt first time looking at each other. And the relation perishes away.

Whereas infatuation can also be the prerequisite of love. When during the awkward silence, instead of leaving you stay there with each other, giving each other time and space. When you share each other dark sides, you get to know how the person can be when he/she become weak and come to worst situation. When you start listening to each other problems and with multiple conversation, efforts, adjustment and sacrifices both come to a common point, your efforts pays off at the end.

Now one should ask how can he differentiate between love and infatuation? So, to do so you must ask some questions to yourself, and do self analysis by being honest with yourself, without twisting emotions or words, and you will reach the answer on your own.

1. How you feel in their absence

   In infatuation, you get uneasy with her absence or sudden change in her behaviours. Rather then understanding the root cause of her change in behaviours you try to bring your fantasies into forward and demand her to be like how she used to be at that time only. You start doing melo drama after every next day showcasing how impatience you are when it comes to fulfilling your own desires. And after sometime due to lack of understanding you guys decides to just move away due to toxicity that build up gradualiy in the relation. In love, you get uneasy too, but instead of directly jumping to conclusion you respect her space and give her time on her own. You go and persuade her, but instead of forcing your own perspective and views you try to understand her. And when the situation goes worst, you go through awkward silence, you show your boring side to each other and there is no lovey dovey talks but still you stay together, your love get strong. You can go through lots of fights between these time, you disagree with many things but those disagreement doesn’t lead to the end and your love stays firm.

2. How you act around them

   Infatuation itself starts from attraction (can be of anything physical, behaviours, jobs, etc..). It gives you that instant dopamine rush at that time and you start feeling butterflies in your stomach, tingling on your limbs and you believe that this your soulmate. And when you start dating each other, you hide your perplexing things and represent yourself just like a perfect person that she would have dreamed someone hypothetically. You try to sugarcoat your every words, your every embarrassing moments, doing all big talks without working on it, you just keep contradicting yourself and keep lying again and again. But when the reality hit you after some months and you realise it was never meant to be your life partner, your lies got revealed and you bedevils your own relation. But in love you go through each other dark secrets, unhinged personalities, and instead to hating them you accept all. When you are in love you are most unhinged with your partner, you know each other flaws and rather then fixing them you accept them with those flaws. You know each other strong and weak parts, you support each other emotionally, physically ,mentally , economically however you can, just to fight the problems as a team rather than leaving her to fight it alone. Admiring each other desires, giving ample amount of time and space and respecting each other decisions are the keystones of your this bridge.

3. Will you still be with her if her physical appearance decrease by 15%? If her behavior change will you fed u with her in near time? These two question gives you rhe exact answeer to differntiate between wethere you are in love or you are infatuated with the person.

If you answer all those above question and go through self analysis you will reach your answer. Love is something that makes you strong, help you to go through your worst situations. But infatuation brings immense possessiveness towards physical appearances and it fades away the moment you see them in awkward situations. Your self proclaimed perfection, your hypothetical perfection, your fantasies all shatter.

Perfection can’t be achieved in real life. If you want your relation to work for life time then you have to adjust, sacrifice something, put more efforts on them because that is what love is. Because it always about WE in love.