Usually, I set a reminder on my phone for the next years start date. This year? I either missed it forgot to set it entirely 🤷🏼‍♀️.

So I’m doing something a little different this time around

Over the next 40 days, I’m sharing daily gratitude reflections right here on Substack Notes, in hopes that you may also be inspired to dive back into -or begin - your own gratitude practice.

I know I’ve been talking a lot about being in the messy middle lately, and for me, gratitude isn’t about ignoring reality or slapping a silver lining on hard things. It’s a deliberate tool to shift my perspective (and focus) from what’s draining me to what I appreciate and am looking forward to.

Because when I feel good, I start to notice more of what feels good. I appreciate it more. And I find myself enjoying the little (and bigger) things that bring me joy.

To keep this simple and sustainable, I’ll be following the daily themes from the booklet, and may occasionally share the same quote - but the reflections that follow are all mine.

Here is Day 1. I hope you’ll follow along in the Notes and share your own gratitude reflections in the comments, and take this 40-day journey with me.

Day 1 - Life

“The journey between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of Life really takes place.” Barbara De Angelis

I am grateful for my life and all the becomings I have lived through.

When I start thinking of becomings I first go to “wife”, “mother”...

But when I pause and lean in a little deeper, I recognize that some of my most meaningful becomings have been internal rather than the labels I’ve acquired along the way.

Becoming a better listener… to myself and others has been reflected in learning to listen to my body, deepening my spirituality, growing in emotional intelligence, and so many layers of healing work…

And I also know that while periods of becoming are not always easy (or fun), they’ve shaped me into the woman I am today - and that is someone I am pretty darn proud of.

So today, I am grateful for the life I’ve lived. The experiences that have shaped me and the unfolding of what is to come.

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What do you actually do when you feel stuck in the yuck?

Spoiler alert - I’m not perfect and I don’t have it all figured out.

I’m a work in progress and learning as I go.

However, if some of what I’ve learned along the way is helpful for you then I feel blessed and grateful for the opportunity to share the tools I have found to be helpful.

It’s funny, as I write this I feel the resistance within me as a coach with an eye on marketing… I want to sit here and tell you the “3 easy steps to setting boundaries and feeling great in any difficult situation”… but I don’t have three easy steps, lol.

Deep things come back up and have to be processed many times as we move through the layers… And I’m here to tell you donkey - not everyone loves a parfait (gotta love the original Shrek), and onions seem more applicable when you’re sitting with tears.

So back to what actually helps me get out of the stuck-ness, yuck-ness, and just ugh of that messy middle.

Today I’m going to share a practice that’s a little on the woo-woo side: Cord Cutting.

The way I visualize it after many years of doing energy work, is that energetic cords exist between us and the people, situations, projects, and even thoughts we’re connected to.

I see loving, supportive connections as beautiful golden cords - the kind I don’t want to cut at all. Typically, I associate pure, positive feelings like love, gratitude and appreciation with these healthy connections.

Then there are the cords that drain us.

Fear. Anger. Hurt. Resentment. Unkind thoughts. The person or replay loop you can’t seem to get out of your head. These are the cords worth cutting.

Here’s how simple the practice can be:

1. Cut and push: When the person, situation, thought… anything that doesn’t feel good… comes up. Use your hand and “karate chop” the space in front of you. At the bottom of the chop, push it away.

2. Fill the Space: After you cut the cord, if it feels right you can then focus on your heart and send that person, project or situation as much love or light as you can muster in that moment… or even better sit for a moment and allow yourself to feel love, light, compassion to fill that space as the cord dissolves away.

3. Anchor in One Simple Thing: Intentionally pick one positive thing to focus on. It can be one thing you’re grateful for, something you’re looking forward to, or even a silly joke that makes you giggle even when you’ve heard it a million times. (Say for instance, why did the bike fall down? Because it was two tired 🤣).

In fact, as I was writing this post, I got up to make myself a snack and had a negative thought about myself pop into my head. I noticed it, cut the cord, gave myself a quick moment of compassion and self-love while slicing cucumbers, and moved on with my day.

And you know what? I felt lighter almost immediately. And now, sitting here writing this, I can’t even remember what the thought was! 😂

Now as with most healing work, you may have to do this more than once. Sometimes a new cord comes back! But here’s something super important that I really want you to hear: Just because a cord comes back doesn’t mean that last time you cut it didn’t work.

Sometimes there’s another layer to release. Sometimes the cord isn’t quite as thick or as strong as it was before. And sometimes, life keeps life-ing and gives you a whole new reason to feel tangled. None of that erases the work you’ve done.

Each time you practice this, you’re giving yourself another opportunity to let go of what you’re carrying and choose where to place your attention.

When you consistently do this your brain starts to respond because you are interrupting the pattern. It puts you back in the driver’s seat by giving your body a physical, tangible way to let go (especially helpful when next steps feel anything but tangible).

It mentally and physically demonstrates, to yourself and to the Universe, that you do not want to be drained or have a negative connection with anything in your life (or in your own brain, lol).

Cutting the cord is a simple and yet profound shift internally. That’s one of the things I love about it.

Is it the ultimate answer? Nope.

Is it step number one of some magical three-step process that will make everything better? Also nope.

But I’m not going to promise this or any other steps are the perfect way to feel better immediately. They’re part of it, but just like that sticky biscuit, so are the many ways we can love and support ourselves along the journey.

After more than 20 years of doing energy work, one thing I’ve come to know is this: When something releases, fill the space with light. Give gratitude for the work you’re doing. Give yourself grace and compassion, and cut as many cords away as you need to.

One by one the things anchoring you to the yuck can start to feel a little less heavy.

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Sometimes it’s beautiful. I love my life. I practice gratitude regularly and I believe deeply that I am blessed.

However, being blessed does not equal no mess 😂

My life is still messy… sticky… and sometimes it feels like I’ve walked face-first into a thread that I didn’t even see was there.

Just like the web is made up of many different threads, there are so many different parts of myself that make up the whole of an experience:

The Virgo in me wants things organized, completed in a convenient checklist and neatly tucked away.

The recovering perfectionist in me quietly asks: Are you sure you’re processing this right?

The cheerleader says: I’m doing great, let’s celebrate the progress!!!

The impatient one groans: How many times do I have to process this?

The patient one answers: I guess as many times as it takes 😉

And the one holding it all says yes, I’m here for it all and can feel it all at the same time.

I think that our emotions are wonderful invitations for where we can look closer at our thoughts, beliefs, perspectives and the stories we tell ourselves (or roles we cast ourselves in).

The amazing Ashley says:

“All emotions are valid, however the thoughts that follow them are not”.

Distinguishing between emotions and thoughts takes practice, patience, and commitment! In my experience, choosing compassionate curiosity over monitoring with the expectation that I should be feeling better by now (cue the criticism and judgement) is an ongoing process that has deepened over time.

There’s a song by Karen Drucker called “Gentle With Myself” and one line in particular invites me to ”hold myself like a tender, newborn child.”

The imagery of this is so beautiful and tender because I remember the times where I was exhausted as a new mom, holding my baby who was crying even though I had checked everything they might have needed… and still, they cried. I remember how I sat and rocked, and sang, and comforted… and I also remember those moments where I made sure they were safe and stepped away to breathe for a moment.

I’m getting better and better at showing up for myself with that same love, compassion and care. Recognizing that sometimes even though I’ve done everything “right” (and even when I haven’t) I just need - and deserve - to be held, comforted, loved… and allowed to be messy.

And sometimes? I give myself permission to put “the work” down for a while. I trust myself enough to know that I will always come back.

That’s part of being in the messy middle. Accepting its messiness as part of the process - not the final destination, and not believing that this is what it will always feel like.

Processing what I can in the moment, supporting myself, and sometimes… still feeling uncomfortable. That’s when compassion matters most.

When life’s feeling particularly messy, what’s something that helps you feel supported?

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Before reaching out, get crystal clear on your intention for the conversation.

(This was my biggest takeaway from Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.)

Take a breath and ask yourself:

• Why am I calling? Is this to share information, or simply connect?

• What do I actually want this conversation to accomplish?

• Am I wanting something from them (such as emotional support)? And are they truly capable of offering that, or is someone else a better fit? - This one has been HUGE for me!

This single pause has been so freeing for me, especially as I’ve stepped into caregiving for my dad and am also navigating other tender dynamics with people I love.

Short, sweet, and simple. (Not necessarily easy, but definitely worth the pause 😉).

I’m curious - what’s one boundary you practice, or one thing you might pause to ask yourself, before you even pick up the phone

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You know those flaky layered biscuits? (Not naming any brands here… but you know the ones.) When you pull them apart some of the layers come apart cleanly and easily. Others have those thin, almost tissue-like layers that aren’t quite attached any longer, but are clearly stuck together.

Whelp, that’s what our lives often feel like. Sometimes an experience is just one clean, straightforward, understandable layer.

Other times, there are multiple layers of thoughts, emotions and feelings all stuck together.

(You can read more about my Sticky Biscuit Theory here)

I’ve recently had a big ol’ bushwack of hurt where life handed me a painful opportunity to grow. Shortly after the “event” I had a couple of well-meaning people bring up forgiveness and that they hoped I’d be able to “forgive and move on”.

I’ve got to be honest, it kind of stopped me in my tracks…

Because what does that actually mean? What does forgiveness look like in real time?

I felt pretty clear that I did forgive this person. I still love them and hold no malice towards them. But at the same time, there were still so many things that I was processing. So I started questioning the entire concept of forgiveness. And I’m going to be honest with you… I’m still working on this and clarifying things… but I wanted to share what I’ve discovered (and has been helpful for me) thus far.

First, I know that forgiveness doesn’t mean that what the other person has done was ok. My therapist (the Amazing Ashley as I lovingly refer to her), pointed out that traditional viewpoints often quietly encourage the wounded party to accept responsibility for repairing or restoring the relationship - an old pattern I carried throughout much of my childhood.

Second, I also believe that forgiveness doesn’t always involve the other person. Ultimately it’s for you, so that your nervous system (and life) can return to peace. This is especially true when the other person doesn’t acknowledge what happened, doesn’t understand, or has no desire to change (cue the reminder that we cannot create change in someone else).

And here was the biggest lightbulb moment for me: I can still have hard feelings like disappointment, sadness, and anger even after I’ve forgiven someone.

Forgiveness does not mean feeling like everything is fine or repaired.

Forgiveness is a big ol’ sticky biscuit. It has distinct layers that are both separate and interconnected. And just like grief - it’s not a linear checklist!

Here’s how I’ve begun separating the layers:

Forgiveness can say I’m moving forward.

Reconciliation says, we are going to rebuild a relationship.

Trust says, I have enough evidence that you are emotionally safe for me to become vulnerable with you again.

Access says, you are welcome into particular parts of my life, home, family, celebrations, conversations, etc.

All of these layers (plus some others, lol) make up the process of healing. Sometimes they happen together. Often, they don’t. Sometimes relationships fundamentally change, and not all the layers are addressed.

So what does forgiveness actually feel like?

I don’t think forgiveness necessarily feels like warmth, peace, affection, or “I’m not upset anymore.”

Sometimes it eventually does.

But sometimes forgiveness looks surprisingly neutral:

I am no longer requiring you to do something in order for me to be okay.
I don’t wish you harm.
I don’t need revenge.
I don’t need to convince everyone that I’m right and you’re wrong.
What you did still matters.
And I am allowed to protect myself from it happening again.

That can absolutely be forgiveness.

I encourage you to give yourself grace, compassion and maybe even a biscuit with honey as you untangle the layers of forgiveness in your own life today.

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Then I paused and sat with that for a moment and realized…

I wasn’t tired, I was sad.

So I gave myself permission to just be sad. To feel the feeling, let the energy process through and out of me.

Grieving is a relatively new experience for me. It’s not that I’ve never lost someone - although I am grateful that I haven’t had many deaths in my life.

But I’ve learned that grief isn’t only for when people die.

Sometimes we grieve relationships, expectations, old versions of ourselves, or even what changes when we realize we need to start holding boundaries.

There are many things we grieve that never had a funeral.

A while back, my therapist shared this quote with me from Dr. Glenn Doyle:

“Ironically, when we start to get better, we also often get sad-- because we start to realize how much we’ve missed out on, how badly certain people failed us, what the younger version of us actually deserved. Healing involves healthy grieving. No way around it.”

Over the past few years I’ve allowed myself to feel things differently - honestly, more deeply and fully. I’ve allowed myself to feel grief. I’ve allowed myself to feel disappointment.

Not to get stuck. Not to wallow - which is what I used to be afraid those feelings would lead to - but to allow all the different parts of me to be heard, seen, valued, accepted, and ultimately loved.

I’ll probably write more on this in the future. For today, I simply want to offer you the same permission I’ve learned to give myself:

You can be sad.

You can grieve.

You can feel what needs to be felt without abandoning your life or your forward movement.

You can keep taking action while you do this. Maybe you move a little slower.

Maybe you become more mindful and purposeful. More accepting. More curiously compassionate towards yourself.

So the next time you have an automatic thought such as “I’m tired” I invite you to pause for just a moment.

Gently - and always with compassion - ask yourself:

“Am I tired? Or is there something else under that tiredness asking to be felt?”

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Because, like it or not, stress affects our bodies.

We have plenty of science showing that chronic stress doesn’t just stay in our thoughts. It affects our nervous system, hormones, immune function, inflammation, digestion, sleep, heart rate, blood pressure… and yes, the way our muscles hold tension. Research has long recognized that prolonged stress wears down the body and creates the perfect storm for illness and fatigue.

So how do we create the opportunities to recover and how does this connect back to boundaries? Imagine this…

You say no.

They don’t like it.

Your stomach tightens.

Your shoulders creep towards your ears and you notice your breathing becomes shallow.

You replay the conversation in your head 6 times: Was I too harsh? Should I explain more? Maybe if I just….

Our brains are expert imaginators - constantly running scenarios of what could (or did) go wrong. It’s part of their design: our brains are wired to keep us safe by scanning for threats, real or imagined.

But here’s the kicker:
When we imagine or replay a stressful situation, our brain sends the exact same stress-activation signals to the body as if it were happening right now. Your nervous system doesn’t pause to ask, “Wait, is this actually happening?”
It just reacts.

When that happens, rather than simply holding a boundary mentally, your body is holding the visceral discomfort of that boundary. And that’s often the exact moment we want to make the discomfort stop. And the two most common ways we try to do that are:

1. Numbing or distracting ourselves (hours of TV or an extra glass of wine anyone? No judgement here 😉).

2. Abandoning the boundary altogether.

Since you don’t want to do either of those, let’s talk about helping your body move through the discomfort instead of running from it.

One way to interrupt the stress pattern is to practice mindfulness: simply bringing present, focused awareness to the body or task. We aren’t trying to “think” our way into feeling better. We are literally training the brain and nervous system to pause, assess, and recognize, “I am safe right now. I can soften.”

Many traditions talk about “holding” energy and emotions in the hips and pelvis. Science might use different words, but either way you look at it, both are invitations to become aware of what (and where) your body is holding.

This quick seated exercise combines pelvic movement with mindful awareness to help you notice and soften tension you may not even realize you’re holding.

This practice is adapted from a pelvic mobility exercise I learned from Susan Scurlock during her Healing the Pelvic Core workshop.

Pelvic Mobility Practice: Move with Breath, Curiosity & Kindness

Find a comfortable chair and sit upright. Gently take one hand and place the pads of your fingertips under one sit bone - right where you feel the bony part of your pelvis meet the chair.
This isn’t about perfection, it’s about presence. As you begin, remember to breathe deeply and naturally.

As always, stay within a comfortable range of motion. Nothing should hurt; if something doesn’t feel right for your body, skip it.

As you move through each shape, notice without judgment:

• Are there areas that move more easily? Any choppy or jagged spots that feel sticky or uneven?

• Do you tend to hold your breath during certain movements?

• Are you unintentionally using your upper body to assist the motion?

Step 1: Vertical - Slowly tilt your pelvis forward and backward, as if you’re drawing a vertical line straight up and down with your sit bone across your fingers. Repeat this movement 5–7 times

Step 2: Horizontal - Now, gently shift your pelvis side to side, imagining you’re drawing a horizontal line from right to left, and left to right across your fingertips.

Step 3: Circles - Begin to draw a circle, gently moving your pelvis in a circular motion, starting clockwise. Complete 5–7 slow circles, then reverse and move counter-clockwise for another 5–7 rounds. Keep the movement focused in the pelvis—your shoulders should stay soft and still.

Step 4: The Star! - Here’s your challenge: imagine you’re drawing a five-pointed star with your sit bone! Go slowly and draw the star 5–7 times in one direction, then switch and trace it in the opposite direction.

Now Pause & Check In

After completing one side, pause for a moment.

• What do you notice?

• Is there a difference between the two sides? Does one feel more grounded, mobile, or spacious?

Then, repeat the full sequence on the other side, always remembering to breathe and move with curiosity - not expectation or judgement.

✨ After Both Sides Are Complete

Take a moment to pause and check in with your body again:

• What feels different now compared to when you began?

• Is there more ease, movement, or awareness in your pelvis or lower body?

• Do you feel more grounded, more centered, or simply more connected to yourself?

If it feels right, take a short walk around the room. Let your body integrate the movement naturally.

And finally… offer yourself a little appreciation.
Say something kind. Smile. You just gave your body the gift of mindful movement and loving attention - and that matters. 🥰

I’d love to know what you noticed. Did anything surprise you? Did one side feel different than the other? And what happens when you think about supporting your body through the discomfort of a boundary instead of immediately trying to make the discomfort go away?

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Because to them, having me over-function was like being a fish in water.

It’s what they always knew.

When I stopped doing something I’ve always done (for example, making my kids lunches), they might experience it as punishment or feel frustrated.

And I may experience their discomfort as guilt, second-guessing myself (“it’s not that hard for me, they work hard too…”), or these two sneaky scripts:

• “This is an easy way to show them I love them” (This is a super sneaky one for someone whose love language includes acts of service - not doing the thing can actually feel like a withholding of love.)

• “It’s easier if I just…” (This one used to be a biggie for me. When I was already overwhelmed, sometimes doing the thing myself felt easier than dealing with the resistance that came from others.)

When I feel that discomfort, my initial instinct is often to step back in and “fix” it (aka make the lunch).

However, when I pause and ask what is mine to do… it’s not making them lunch. It’s helping them build the skills to be able to balance work and self-care.
If my goal is empowerment, then I actually have to give them the opportunities to experience the work it takes to become empowered.

Boundaries aren’t only about protecting ourselves. Sometimes they’re about refusing to keep participating in a dynamic that prevents someone else from carrying what is theirs.

Lunch is just one everyday example. Even though my kids are out of school now, I still sometimes find myself pulled back into those old patterns - especially when stress, conflict, or overwhelm are thrown in the mix.

When someone has benefited from our lack of boundaries, our boundary may feel like punishment to them - even when that isn’t our intention.

A difficult part of this is that sometimes the outward action may be the same, but the internal purpose is completely different.

A punishment comes from an attempt to control someone.

A boundary controls my participation.

Punishment may sound or feel like:
“You hurt me, so I’m going to take this away from you so that you hurt too.”

A boundary sounds or feels like:
“This isn’t working for me anymore, so I’m going to change how I participate.”

So once again, we come back to looking at the all important trifecta of “What”, “Why” and “How do I want to feel?”.

What am I hoping this boundary accomplishes?
Am I focused on what I want to create (or protect)?
Am I hoping they’ll finally realize what they’ve done?
Am I hoping they’ll miss what I used to provide?
Am I trying to make them change?
Am I withdrawing something because I’m angry?

None of these make you bad or wrong, they are simply honest, human data about your motives. In reality, setting a boundary often starts with a messy mix of all of the above. But the boundaries you can hold consistently are most often the ones that are anchored in what you’re trying to create or protect, rather than simply what you’re trying to make someone else do.

Why is that important to me?

What do I need in order to feel safe, healthy, loving and whole in this relationship?
What value am I honoring - my wellbeing, their empowerment, the health of the relationship, or something else?

How do I want to feel when holding the boundary?

Empowered. Grounded. Respectful. Healthy. Safe.
This is where you anchor in that “Why” so you keep holding the boundary even when it’s uncomfortable.

Because let’s be honest - someone’s discomfort is going to bump up against your boundary. Change is often hard, messy and uncomfortable (for all parties involved).

But their discomfort doesn’t mean that your boundary is punishment.
And your discomfort holding it isn’t proof that you’re doing something wrong.

As Prentis Hemphill so beautifully put it:
“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”

So I’ll leave you with this question to ponder: Are there any boundaries that you’ve struggled to keep because they’ve felt like punishment? And if you sit with this for a moment, do you still feel that way?

I’d love to hear in the comments below, I read (and respond) to every message 🥰

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Earlier this month I started a strength training program (yay!!!!), and ended up in a pelvic flare-up (boo!!!!!).

So now I’m starting a very specific program that integrates pelvic floor health/support with strength training. But here’s the thing… it starts slow… super slow… like I focused on breathing into different parts of my body for a half-hour kind of slow.

It was wonderful, insightful, and to be quite honest- at times, really freakin’ hard.

In the last year I have literally had to relearn something as basic and automatic as breathing.

Ummm…What…How…. Huh?!?!?

A lot of people with pelvic floor issues have learned non-supportive patterns over the years… sometimes as compensation, sometimes as guarding/protective mechanisms, and almost always unconsciously. Because really, how often do you think about how you’re breathing?

And even if you’re thinking it (box breath anyone?), how often do you somatically notice where in your body that breath is going and what the rest of your body does in response?

I am living proof that you can practice deep relaxation and breathing exercises for years without full awareness of how your breath is moving through - or affecting - the rest of your body. Crazy, right?

My brain, however, is telling me “Hey, we just were doing weights 4 times a week - that was awesome, you felt so strong and accomplished!!!”

I am like yes, and… I also ended up in a pain flare… no bueno… nor sustainable.

So I chose to ask myself: How do I keep moving towards what matters when my current capacity doesn’t match the speed I’d prefer?

Exploring with compassionate curiosity:
What’s working right now?

What’s not working right now?

What I’ve come up with is this: Modify. Moderate. Meditate.

Modify: What can I change so I can keep moving without forcing?
In this case, starting a new exercise program that builds a healthy foundation and adds load gradually.

Moderate: Where can I adjust the intensity, expectations, or pace?
I’m still showing up consistently, but inside a supportive structure that meets my current baseline while building in pace and intensity.

Meditate: Where do I need to get quiet enough to actually hear what my body/life is telling me?
Bringing ease where I can and accepting that progress may be slower yet steady.

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There’s a great saying often used by the Navy Seals - Slow is smooth… smooth is fast.

Trusting myself is a process, built choice by choice. For now, I’m working to celebrate the progress instead of judging the speed. I’d rather move slow and steady towards the life I want than race toward it and burn myself out along the way.

My brain may still be yelling “Faster!”, but I choose to pause, observe, and respond rather than simply react. I’m learning that slowing down doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve stopped moving forward.

I focus on staying present and steady, and trusting the process (and progress) as I continue to show up.

Consistency isn’t always fun, but it’s always how stuff gets done.

So today I invite you to ponder… Where in your life might slowing down actually help you keep moving forward?

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Years ago, I was introduced to the spoon theory, created by Christine Miserandino as a way of explaining to a friend what it was like to live with Lupus and limited energy. Having navigated chronic pain myself, and having a daughter who lives with chronic illness, the concept resonated deeply with me.

The basic idea is that we only have so many “spoons”, or units of available energy, to use in a day, and everyday activities cost us some of those spoons.

While the Spoon Theory was created specifically in the context of living with chronic illness, I have found myself borrowing the metaphor for many other areas in my life.

The number of spoons we start the day with can vary due to many circumstances. People who experience chronic illness and/or pain live this in a very real way that is often hard for others to see or understand.

However, I think that everyone can relate to the idea that everything we do either costs or gives us energy, and the cost can vary depending on how we’re feeling or what else is going on in our lives.

So if you start the day with low spoons (i.e. imagine waking up tired because you didn’t sleep well or are having a pain/symptom flare), then you have less available to use for your daily life.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about this idea and how it relates to our decision spoons and discipline spoons.

Every decision that you make takes a spoon - I’m sure you can imagine how quickly that can add up! And when you use discipline to override resistance - working out when you don’t feel like it, choosing the foods you know will make you feel good… the list can go on and on… you can quickly run out of spoons.

That may be part of why many people have a harder time sticking to healthy choices at the end of the day - they’re all out of “discipline spoons” (and often that’s combined with decision fatigue - which, especially if you’re the one managing everything in your world, is a real thing).

So lately, I’ve been looking for places where I can stop asking myself to have more discipline - and instead make the thing I am motivated to do require less of it.

One solution for me has been prepping healthy options ahead of time so the nourishing choice is the easiest (or at least easier) choice.

Now I know everyone talks about how and what to prep… but I want to be honest about something that I realized this year… Sometimes things that we think are silly end up being things that actually serve us well.

Earlier this year I bought what I thought was a bulk bag of fruit & veggie blend for smoothies… when I got it home I realized that they were individual pre-portioned servings or “kits”.

Now, I had seen these in the past and if I’m being honest, kind of scoffed about them.

I mean, really - how hard is it to scoop your fruit into the blender?

And then I used them…

And I was astonished.

Because you know what… it was easier. It took less spoons.

I think that’s part of the bigger picture. It doesn’t have to be hard for something to be worth making easier.

That ease in the morning when I’m trying to get a quick meal made… I feel the impact.

So now, I make my own smoothie packets.

In case you’re wondering here’s what’s in them:

• ½ cup berry blend

• ½ cup Daybreak fruit blend (pineapple, mangos, peaches, strawberries)

• ⅛ cup riced cauliflower

• ¼ cup spinach

• ⅛ cup avocado

• 1 Tbsp chia or ground flax or hemp

All I have to do is add some water or juice, my protein powder and any other supplements I may feel like adding, blend and voila - a smoothie is made.

Finding healthy “hacks” like this helps me to reduce friction and use less spoons in my day, protecting them for things that matter most.

What’s one little routine or shortcut you use that saves you a discipline or decision spoon?

And would you like me to share more of mine?

Let me know in the comments below, I’d love for us to create a little collection of ways we can bring more ease, and maybe a little more joy, into our daily lives!

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“Go try to pee before we leave”.

“I DON’T HAVE TO!”

“Just try”

…30 seconds later…

Tinkle tinkle tinkle.

Honestly 🙋‍♀️ - we’ve probably all done this as adults too. You don’t think you have to go… but you try anyway. And somehow your body says, “Oh… actually… thanks for checking.”

We don’t ask children to “try” because we don’t trust them. We ask because we know awareness often comes after we pause and slow down.

It got me thinking… What if we treated our emotions the same way?

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You may have heard the term or phrase reparenting your inner child. Here’s one of the simplest (and funniest) ways I’ve found to practice it.

Instead of assuming we’re fine because nothing is screaming for our attention, what if we simply paused and checked?

Sometimes I’m not consciously aware of what I’m carrying emotionally until I metaphorically “sit down on the potty.” Then suddenly… “Oh. Apparently there was something there.” 😂

They weren’t hiding.

I just hadn’t slowed down long enough to notice.

If you’re like many women I know, you’ve learned along the way to always scope out where the bathrooms are wherever you go. Just in case.

What if we became just as familiar with our emotional needs?

Learning our own cues for when we’re “getting full” as well as having the understanding of the places, practices, and people that can help us process what’s needing to be released… before it becomes an emergency and you’re hopping across the room with your legs crossed praying you can get there in time… oh wait, is that just me?

The more aware we become, the easier it is to notice what needs our attention before we end up with an emotional “accident.” 😂

So I’ll leave you with this to ponder…

How’s your emotional awareness these days?

Do you ever give yourself permission to simply “try”... just in case?

Or do you usually wait until your emotions become impossible to ignore?

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This phrase was picked up somewhere along the way on the mental health journey of one of my children, and it’s so applicable to everyone.

During my workout this morning I told myself “I can do hard things” during the last few reps of the 2nd set (out of 3).

At PT this morning as my therapist worked through a trigger-point… I told myself again “I can do hard things”.

It’s become a mantra when things are important AND they’re hard.

It’s become a way of acknowledging the inner strength and resilience I have - in body, mind and spirit.

A gentle nudge to keep going, take that step, make the decision, show up for myself again and again and again.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t need to modify or moderate sometimes.

It doesn’t mean to push through and not listen to my inner wisdom.

It’s an access point into the well of strength that’s already within us.

I can do hard things… even when I’m crying inside because it hurts or how heavy the load is that I’ve had to carry.

I can do hard things… even when it means trusting others (or even trusting God) and letting go of outcomes.

I can do hard things… even when it’s creating new habits that support the woman I want to be and the life I want to live.

I can do hard things… even when it’s changing both personal and generational patterns of overfunctioning.

I can do hard things… even when it means having an uncomfortable conversation.

I can do hard things… even when it means making space for my own wants and needs instead of always putting everyone else first.

I can do hard things… even when it’s choosing strawberries instead of a brownie.

And you know what… when I can’t do the hard thing? That’s ok too.

Sometimes the hard thing in front of you isn’t the hard thing to focus on…

Sometimes the hard thing is asking for help.

Sometimes the hard thing is resting (especially when there’s more to be done).

Sometimes the hard thing is trusting that slowing down isn’t the same as giving up.

Sometimes the hard thing is meeting myself where I am with compassion instead of criticism.

Hitting the reset button and restarting again isn’t abandoning myself or my goals - because every moment offers a fresh beginning.

It’s also an opportunity to lean into my why.

Because that’s part of the power in this.

Is my why important enough to work through the hard?

It’s also an opportunity to be really honest with myself… is this something I simply want or am interested in, or something I’m truly committed to?

As Art Turock said “There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstances permit. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.”

I will add my own caveats here - commitment doesn’t mean ignoring inner wisdom. Excuses don’t mean unreasonable timelines and results doesn’t mean perfection. Sometimes commitment looks like slowing down... celebrating progress… and not giving up.

I had to come to terms with the fact that it is completely ok to be “only” interested in something. It’s ok to dabble. It’s ok to test the waters without committing.

Being radically honest with myself about the difference between a want and a commitment has created freedom in my life, compassion in my thoughts, and has helped me to take off the “weighted vest” of perfectionism.

It has also helped me to look at where I’m not making progress on something I want and my actions (or inactions) around it… and gently ask myself (with compassionate curiosity): Am interested or committed.

It gives me permission to focus my energy where it actually matters, redefine progress and to be honest… I’m finding that I’m meeting my goals and making progress more consistently than ever before.

So I now choose my words carefully when talking about what I want to create and focus on, and what are my commitments… because those are where affirming “I can do hard things” matters.

Where showing up even when it’s hard matters.

So in case you need to hear it today: You can do hard things.

You have done hard things.
You will continue to do hard things.
You are resilient.
You are strong.
You are capable.
And you are competent (even while you’re still learning).

I’d love to hear from you in the comments, even if it’s simply “I can do hard things”.

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The younger they are the more narrow the lane so to speak. But as they get older, that lane gets wider and, then as they get even older, even more space and gaps as “sections” of the guard rails get taken down.

The goal is to eventually not be the one controlling THEIR lanes with OUR bumpers. If they decide they need them (structure, support, etc) then they will have the ability to put them in place or ask for help in doing so.

When I think about this in relation to over-functioning I can see how easy it is to keep those bumpers in place.

You see, the nervous system loves structure and predictability.

When someone else is throwing their ball (aka living their lives)… you have neither structure nor predictability. So we instinctively keep the bumpers up to protect them - and sometimes to protect ourselves.

Which means sometimes it’s easier to keep outdated guardrails up than to risk watching someone we love throw a gutter ball.

Because learning to bowl doesn’t look like getting strikes every turn… It involves a lot of gutter balls - which can be deeply uncomfortable to watch.

While keeping outdated overfunctioning barriers in place may keep things predictable, it can come with a steep cost:

• Isolation and burnout from trying to control other’s lanes.

• Resentment toward the very people (and relationships) we’re trying to protect.

• Robbing others of resilience as it prevents others from learning that they can throw a gutter ball and still survive it.

Part of working through this is recognizing what bumpers you have in place, which are still appropriate and which are outdated. And while you’re doing that - bringing in huge boatloads of compassion - because they were all put in place with love and the best intentions.

Sometimes it’s really hard to put those down when they’re no longer appropriate.

However, our job isn’t to keep the ball out of the gutter forever. Our job is to help them become someone who keeps bowling anyway and still enjoys the game.

Kind of gives a new meaning to the phrase “Stay in your lane” doesn’t it 😉

So I invite you to consider this… where in your relationships are you putting up bumpers that are no longer appropriate, and what would it look like to lower just one section of the rails?

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It’s not a new concept, and it’s one that I both see the value in and am STILL learning to live in real time. It’s that we should only give from our overflow. That we first need to fill our own cup, and then with what’s pouring over - give from that.

I feel like when I’m working with clients, I’ve got that dialed in. It’s very rare these days where I’m giving from my energy or feel drained from clients.

However, when it comes to the people in my life who are the closest to me… I feel like my cup gets emptied, sometimes before I even realize that I’ve even tipped it over.

Mentally, I have a fire hose aimed at them and ready (if not active) at all times. While I honor that there have been many times in the last several years where I was actively putting out major fires, my nervous system developed the pattern: always ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice, constantly scanning for signs of smoke or a spark.

When we overcarry and overfunction for others we are keeping so many mental tabs open that silently drain our processing power in the background.

In society, it is often normalized to live from an empty cup. But I don’t believe we were made to live that way.

I don’t believe that God, the Divine (or any great spirit that you connect to) wants our lives to be lived from a place of depletion. When I look at what an amazing and abundant world is before us, I can’t help but ask how could that same creator want anything else for us?

This is where worthiness, self-love, and (for me) my connection to God become more than nice ideas. This is where the rubber meets the road.

So I began to think - (a dangerous past-time, I know 😉 ).

What do I feel like when my cup is filled?

When was the last time my cup felt full?

What does it look like when my cup is filled?

How do I show up when my cup is filled?

I want you to pause and hear something really important here… if you answered “I don’t even know” to any of those questions, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

But I came back to them (more than once), and am getting more clarity and building more determination that that IS how I actually want to live and enjoy my life.

Then I got curious and took an honest audit of my energy… where is my cup at right now 🫣?

I’m going to be totally honest with you - it’s not uncommon for it to be at 30%, and my average these days tends to run around 50-80%.

Ouch… but that’s my truth in this moment.

I’ve identified many of the things that drain my cup… and recognize when (and where) I’ve mistaken my cup for a colander.

Becoming aware of what (and who) drains my energy and learning to “plug those holes”.

That’s part of the journey of no longer over-functioning. This (in part) may look like:

• Trusting that others are capable… and letting them build those skills even if they’re not there yet

• Building reciprocal relationships

• Setting Boundaries… and saying “No” when it’s not a clear yes for me (still working on “no” being a full sentence, lol).

• Listening and honoring my needs

• Shifting patterns and healing hurts and traumas

At the same time we’re identifying where our “leaks” or outflow are, it’s important to get curious on what actually fills our cups.

Friends, at first, I thought it was just me, however - I’m beginning to recognize that so many people have a hard time answering this question… What actually fills my cup?

This takes courage, curiosity and flexibility. I’m learning that it’s not always the activity itself. It’s how I feel when I’m doing it.

• Present

• Spacious

• Calm

• Energized

• Creative

• Connected

• Unhurried

Then, I have to give myself permission for all of it, to honor all parts of myself.

Once you do all that, then it’s down to the nitty gritty…How do we actually take/make the time to consistently do those things?

At a conference this past weekend, Lisa Nichols asked a question that stopped me in my tracks: “What does that look like on Monday morning at 10AM?”.

Breaking down the things we identify that fill our cups into actual action steps that are realistic and reachable.

So that’s where you’ll find me this week - practicing filling my cup. Not by overhauling my life, and not by waiting until conditions are perfect to start… or by knowing exactly what I need to completely fill my cup… but through small “Monday morning at 10 AM” steps:

• Prepping healthy snacks so I eat before I’m starving.

• Stepping outside between clients to look at the sky.

• Using my calendar to keep me focused and productive (rather than scattered and overwhelmed).

• Doing my diaphragmatic breathing between tasks (nervous system support + PT exercises = double win!!!!)

Overflow isn’t something to wait for. It’s something to practice.

Small choices. Repeated consistently.

Building new patterns and creating overflow in real time.

So I’ll leave you with these questions - Where’s your energy % at today, and what’s one “Monday morning at 10 AM” thing you can do to fill your cup?

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Here’s the sequence of exercises and mantras:

• Eye Reset (Vagus Nerve Reset): Look left and right with your head still, waiting for a yawn, swallow, or release.

  • Mantra: I am Safe and Supported

• Cat/Cow:

  • Mantra: There’s nothing to fix

• Flat Back Hip Internal Rotation: Keeping your back flat, feet going out (clapping feet).

  • Mantra: I am supporting myself

• Quadruped Hip IR (Block + Lift): Block under the knee, slow rock back and hold, return to center, lift the knee, and hold to reset.

  • Mantra: I’m allowing my body to open, not forcing

• Dynamic Downward Dog:

  • Mantra: I can move through life without holding tension

• Pigeon Pose:

  • Mantra: I am safe, I release with ease

• Child’s Pose: Feeling the pelvic floor expand with your breath, using an “s” sound on the exhale if needed (2+ minutes).

  • Mantra: I don’t have to hold anything in my body, God’s got it for me.

Today, while resting in Child’s Pose, I had a beautiful experience where in my head I heard a song that I learned way back in children’s church called “He’s got the Whole World in His Hands”. Like most children’s songs, it has a catchy tune and a very repeatable chorus which basically rotates between people/places/things that God holds in his hands… and every chorus ends with “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”.

And while I allowed this song to flow through me, I pictured so many people and situations being held by these beautiful, loving, and capable hands.

In the past, when I have thought of surrender I sometimes see myself placing worries/people/situations in a set of loving hands to be taken care of (better than I can even imagine is the thought I like to think for what God/the Universe, or the Divine wants for me). However, this was the first time this particular song came to me in this way.

I felt so loved, supported and taken care of. Like a friend was telling me that I’m not alone and gently reassuring me that I don’t have to hold these things in my body or carry them by myself.

I allowed myself to fill with peace and contentment and took a moment to send love to all the people and situations that came to mind as well as myself.

Our bodies are incredibly smart.
Sometimes, when our minds refuse to put down the weight of the world,
our muscles step in to carry it for us.

Our nervous systems are designed to keep us safe, but old neural pathways run on auto-pilot and sometimes we end up somewhere without recognizing how we got there in the first place.

While resting on that mat, I affirmed once again that I don’t have to carry the weight alone and that I’m consciously choosing to change the old unconscious pattern of holding things in my body.

Like most things that are worth having, this isn’t a one-time revelation. It’s a practice and process that builds upon itself - a series of (often small) practices that I choose again and again so that they become my new auto-pilot.

• Practicing compassion instead of criticism.

• Choosing empowerment instead of over-functioning.

• Leaning into releasing instead of gripping.

To do that, I have found that it’s deeply helpful to have the concrete visualization of actually letting things go. For me, if I believe that the Divine is capable of holding the whole world, then surely, these hands can be trusted to hold my worries, too.

I’ve shared here before that sometimes I use other visuals, affirmations, or tools to release and focus my faith and attention on what I do want to experience and create. This experience happened so beautifully and was so natural that it felt simple and deeply moving.

So I invite you to consider…

What is your body trying to hold right now?

If you paused for just a moment and imagined placing it into a set of loving, capable hands, what would it feel like to let your body soften - even just a little?

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. ❤️

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I don’t wanna

I don’t wanna write

I don’t wanna fight

I don’t even know what I want to do tonight

I just want some peace

I just want some space

I just want my feelings to not feel so all over the place

I want to feel peaceful

I want to feel calm

I want Divine Timing to hurry along

I want my kids out

But I want to feel close

I want to feel healthy but still enjoy toast

The world is your oyster, there’s so much to choose

But also i want it simple and maybe only one or two?

I can hold all these things

I can hold lots of space

And I can want to escape and give myself grace

I’m not going for perfection, not even a try…

In fact I think I’m just going to go and look at the sky.

What about you?

When resistance is strong, how do you give yourself a permission slip to just stop forcing or fighting… not in an avoidant way, but in a meeting yourself where you’re actually at kind of way?

Let’s normalize needing to pause. Share in the comments below!👇

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Like any good manifestation journey, this one starts with something that we don’t want…
My husband was part of the Epic Games layoff in April (1000 people were let go). He’s the main income provider for our family, and so this is not… ideal, should we say.

As he’s been looking for a new job I have had the opportunity to “sharpen” my manifestation skills, clarify my focus, and to deeply lean into my faith.

A lot of this faith was developed in 2024 when (less than a year after moving to a new house, in a new state), he was laid off from a different company. If that experience was a deep dive “Master’s Course” in trusting the Divine… we’ll say I’m now earning my PhD.

It’s funny (not in the haha sense) how the God/The Universe gives us the opportunity to heal and go even deeper than we knew we could.

And now… I realize that I fully trust the Divine to provide what I need… that the how will unfold in perfect order…

AND

I recognize that the area I am currently struggling with is the Divine’s timeline.

Internally, I’m like “I’d really like an ETA here please?!?!?!”

To hold both the belief that things are unfolding in divine timing AND that I want to know exactly when that timing can be expected, lol.

It’s interesting (and sneaky) because for me, this doesn’t show up as a specific feeling of fear most of the time… sometimes it’s mental spinning… or I notice that my breath is shallow, or my shoulders are creeping up to my ears… or a heaviness in my stomach. Sometimes it comes from me, and sometimes it’s triggered by someone else.

So here’s what I’m doing about it.

• Awareness: Noticing what I’m holding, where I’m “should-ing” on myself, where I can be proud of myself, and what I’m grateful for.

• Meditation: specifically focusing on compassion, releasing, and then bringing in the feeling sense of what I want to create. This is not a bypass - this is deep healing work.

• Journaling: One that I love is using Gabby Bernstein’s journaling exercise to get out the heavy thoughts so I can shift to the next best feeling.

• Cord cutting: An energetic technique for intruding thoughts. I use a physical chopping motion with my hand to separate the energy and push it away. (Energy loves when the physical body gets involved!)

• Compassion: Giving grace to myself in this very real, uncertain human experience, and to others walking through it with me.

• Surrender: While it’s important to know what I want, the how and details are something to let go of. Even on some level, the want is surrendered because when I get down to the feeling of what I’m wanting… that can look very different than what I thought would happen. The “magic phrase” of “This or Something Better” helps me both for what I want as well as trust that the highest good is unfolding.

• Discernment: recognizing what’s mine coming up versus someone else’s energy as well as what’s mine to do and what’s not.

• Focus: Getting clear on what I want, as well as what I can control, contribute and focus on. Also, taking time to fill myself up with positive resources like podcasts, programs, and books.

• Mind Candy: Giving myself permission to decompress with books or shows that require zero heavy lifting.

• Talking: I’m not trying to “do” this alone, I have built and lean on my support system, and sometimes I have to borrow their faith for a minute.

None of this is ‘easy’, but it works.

None of it is instant fixes… but the more I do this work the more I see that when I’m caught up in fear and urgency, I feel stuck.

When I come back to peace, gratitude, trust, and align with the feelings I want to create, movement tends to happen. For example, after doing some of this focused work the last couple of days, today Brian received an email requesting next steps in an interview process.

Not necessarily because my meditation “caused” the email, but I do know that I felt more peaceful, more grounded and more trusting (even in the when). When I’m in that energy life seems to flow more easily and is definitely more tolerable.

Do I still want that ETA? Absolutely.

But while I’m still in the messy middle, I can (and will) create pockets of peace that give me a safe space to rest.

What about you? When you’re stuck in the messy middle of a major life transition, how do you create pockets of peace for yourself?

Let’s talk in the comments.

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During this time of recovery I leaned into what my body was telling me and got a lot of really good insights into listening and what it means to honor where I’m at versus where I want (or expect) myself to be.

One of the ponderings that came to mind was about balance.

And how I’ve really come to dislike the term because it feels like balance means equal… and that’s not reality.

The thought (or feeling) of if I’m not “in balance” it must mean I’m doing something “wrong”.

So I’ve avoided using the term balance when talking about creating much of anything in my life.

But then I had this thought… what if balance isn’t a destination but a practice?

As I rested and let my body take the lead for a while, I knew that balance wasn’t asking me to do the same amount of everything.

Balance isn’t about equal distribution. Balance is about appropriate response.

• When you’re recovering, rest gets more attention.

• When you’re building something, work gets more attention.

• When a friend (or family member) is struggling, relationships get more attention.

In all of these cases, it’s responding to what is needed at the moment. And none of them are meant to stay that way forever.

What comes to mind is yoga, when I practice a balance pose, my focus isn’t actually on balancing (honestly, that usually makes it worse, lol).

• It’s about finding something steady to focus on.

• Staying connected to my center.

• Feeling what my body is doing.

• Making tiny adjustments as I wobble.

That sure is a lot like life, isn’t it?

And when I fall down when practicing? (notice the when, not if - because it is going to happen now and then)

Sometimes I laugh… Sometimes I sigh… or I shake it off, reset and then restart - sometimes in an easier variation or modification of the pose - but always I get back up and get back into a pose - even if it’s resting into child’s pose.

Do I always like that I’ve lost my balance in the pose? No.

Do I sometimes wish I was stronger or steadier than where I’m at? Yes.

But to the best of my ability, I keep coming back to the practice.

Noticing what I’m noticing.

What if being balanced in life isn’t just about finding the “right” amount or way to distribute your time and energy?

What if it’s about the actual practice of being in the process… feeling the wobbliness… finding those minute changes, shifts and awareness of where to focus so that it becomes easier and easier the more you do something.

Learning what adjustments feel good and bring more stability.

Learning what falling out of alignment and finding our way back feels like.

With practice you never expect to just be done. There are always new poses, new challenges, new seasons, and new opportunities to return to yourself.

This is something I both love and struggle with, can you relate?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this perspective!

How do you think about balance in your life?

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It can help shift energy, focus and perspective.

There’s a reason gratitude is one of the most talked about and accessible healing tools. It impacts our mental, emotional, physical, and even spiritual well-being.

Our brains are naturally wired to automatically be on the lookout for danger (perceived potentials and/or actual ones), and gratitude helps train our brains to look for the good that is present.

Thinking about this from a protective parts viewpoint gave me more understanding and compassion for myself during the times when I’m not automatically seeing the good in my life.

It gives me permission to not be perfect, to be human.. with a human brain… that’s doing very human things.

It’s really freeing to recognize that gratitude is actually a skill. That means that it’s something we can practice and train our brains on so that it becomes more natural (neuroplasticity for the win!!!!).

When it’s something to practice rather than perfect, it feels much more achievable.

One of the powerful things about gratitude is that as we focus on the positive things in our life that we’re grateful for, it often shifts our feelings and energy… but sometimes it’s not that easy (or quick).

Like most things in life, gratitude works best when it’s connected to honesty, embodiment, and presence.

As I’ve been really leaning in to listening to myself more fully I’ve recognized that there are times where I have used gratitude as a bypass.

I’ve discovered a part of me that sometimes… just wants to slap an “I’m grateful for” list on my day and not deal with the often complex underlying feelings that are actually present.

That productive part of me wants to just “do it”, feel better, and check it off my list.

I’ve come to see how that part of me is trying to help. It wants the relief of a finished list… but gratitude isn’t a task to be completed.

I’ve learned that when I say the words without the feelings… it falls flat.

Think about someone telling you they’re glad to see you with a scowl on their face or sarcastic tone… it wouldn’t feel authentic would it?

If you’re saying I’m grateful for something while ignoring what you’re feeling, something inside you knows it’s not authentic.

Now don’t get me wrong - if that’s where you can start then that’s awesome (see above… progress, not perfection 😉).

There are neurologic and chemical changes that absolutely start to happen in the brain simply by beginning to focus on positive things, which helps your physical body and more.

But if that’s where you stop… It’s like staying in second gear when you’ve got so much more available.

Gratitude is not meant to diminish your reality or bypass the complicated and sticky parts of life.

It’s meant to expand your perspective and enjoyment of it.

Even during the hard times.
Especially during the hard times.

Authentic gratitude invites in a feeling of appreciation for something (or someone). It can be so much deeper and have more meaning than a simple awareness that you like something.

But here’s a real truth - sometimes authentic gratitude coexists with hard feelings.

When you’re in a space of struggle or not feeling good, it can take a little extra time, attention, and creativity to shift into that space.

So, in those times, instead of creating a list of things you’re grateful for, it may be helpful to shift your approach.

Instead of forcing gratitude, it may help to:

• start smaller (even the tiniest appreciation is progress)

• get sensory (think cozy blankets, tea, looking at art or picture)

• borrow gratitude from tiny moments or memories

You can appreciate without pretending everything is okay.

Sometimes, mixing your practice up can be a helpful and fun way to inspire gratitude in a new or deeper way.

Here’s a creative activity that can be a lot of fun and invite in a feeling of playfulness - The Gratitude Alphabet Game (can be done by yourself or with others). From A-Z list items for each letter that you are grateful for, pausing with each one to really be in appreciation. It was the first time I really thought about how grateful I am for Q-Tips, lol, and now I regularly appreciate them… how about zippers, they are so convenient and make our lives so much easier! The trick with this one is to challenge yourself to not simply re-use items each time you practice it! I personally find this one great to do when my mind is busy as I’m going to sleep.

Another fun and powerful practice introduced by Christy Whitman is picking one thing, and then listing several reasons you’re grateful for that one thing.

Here’s an example -

I’m grateful for the privacy window “clings” that are in the door to my office.

• I love that they are unique and a beautiful stained glass pattern that I enjoy seeing, almost like a work of art.

• I love that my husband and I worked together on the project and that it was an opportunity for connection and for making this home feel like ours.

• I love that I have privacy and an office to work in from my home.

• I love that I had the creative idea to find this solution.

• I love that there were options to choose from and I was able to find one that I really love.

In this moment, as I looked for reasons why I love those window clings I felt a softening within myself, a small smile spread across my face, and I took a deep breath. I feel more grounded and in true appreciation for something that often becomes background “noise”.

Going deeper into one thing and the multiple reasons you are grateful for it, really helps connect to the feeling sense of gratitude and to begin to embody it within your nervous system.

These fun versions of gratitude can help us shift into a different mood or mental space… even if it’s only for a little while.

It doesn’t magically make everything better… but it can magically shift the energy that you’re feeling. And the more that we are in that better feeling place, the more we find reasons to stay there.

Gratitude is a beautiful way to hold the ANDs in our lives.

I can be disappointed… AND… I can be grateful for many blessings.
I can have uncertainty… AND… I can be grateful for the support that has shown up.
I can be frustrated with my children… AND… I can be grateful to be their mom.
This is hard… AND… I am held.

And if you’re in a place where gratitude isn’t helping you shift… or you have to keep coming back to it over and over again… have compassion for yourself.

You’re not “doing it wrong”.

One tool… even if it’s a really great one… doesn’t always work for every situation, or in a one and done way.

Being real about where you’re at takes courage and vulnerability.

At the end of the day, gratitude isn’t a destination where we arrive and stay forever. It’s a tool we use to build the bridge while we’re still in the messy middle.

When we stop using gratitude to cover up our pain and start using it to expand our capacity for what we can hold, things change.

We aren’t bypassing our lives, we’re honoring all parts of ourselves (even the beautifully messy ones).

I’d love to hear from you! Pick just ONE thing in your room right now ~ what are three reasons you’re grateful for it? Let’s practice going deeper together in the comments.

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Keep an eye on the chat this Friday, I’m going to start a thread so we can play the Gratitude Alphabet Game together!

Because this is one of those times where more than one thing can be true.

I can have evidence of lack…
of contrast…
of something I don’t want.

AND

I can feel the energy of what I do want.
I can connect to the experience I’m calling in, and visualize what having it will look and feel like.
I can choose actions, thoughts, and feelings that align with that future.

It’s the AND that matters.

The AND is where we get to hold more than one truth and begin to stretch and grow.

Manifesting isn’t about ignoring reality and pretending everything is fine.
It’s not about slapping positive thoughts on top of something that feels hard.

It’s more nuanced than that… more honest… and frankly, more challenging and more powerful.

The AND has given me the gift of getting to know the complexities of who I am, and meeting myself where I’m at… even when that’s not the pretty “look at what I’ve got” phase.

Manifesting always starts with contrast — with noticing something you want that isn’t here yet…. or experiencing something that makes you realize you want something different.

Some contrast is bigger or more intense than others.

But if you were in a place of total fulfillment, you probably wouldn’t want anything more.

It’s seeing something you want and feeling inspired (I had to learn to feel inspired rather than jealous by the way, but that’s another story for another day)… or experiencing something that shows you what you want to be different.

It all starts with the lack of something you want or need.

There’s a gap between where you are and what you want… and the GAP is where the work happens.

Shawn Fink, a great coach I know and have followed for years calls this the messy middle. And I honestly can’t think of a better way to describe it.

And when we’re in that messy middle, we need compassion — boatloads of it.

Through my work with Christy Whitman, I’ve come to understand compassion as “the great neutralizer”. And I’ve experienced that firsthand more times than I can count.

Compassion softens the edges.
It helps us stop fighting what we feel… and start meeting ourselves where we are.

Not so we stay stuck there… but so we can actually process and release it.

And from there… something opens.

Perspective.
Possibility.
Clarity.
Gratitude for what is, while becoming joyfully open (even expectant) of good.
And eventually we get to the place of inspired action.

It’s not a one and done process either. Depending on the level of contrast (and how messy your middle is), you may have to go back to compassion over and over and over.

If you can stay with yourself in the AND… through the messy middle… through the moments that don’t feel resolved yet… you begin to build something deeper than just the outcome.

You build trust.
In yourself.
In the Universe, the Divine, God… whatever higher power you relate to.
In the process.
In what’s still unfolding.

Even if it’s not exactly what you thought it would look like.

Even if where you end up results in new desires or clarity of what you want to be different.

This has been especially real for me lately — holding the vision of more stability and flow in our life… while also navigating moments that feel uncertain.

This is where I come back to the AND… to compassion… and to consciously choosing to focus on what I want, without abandoning myself, or what’s real.

This is me choosing to stay present and true to all parts of myself.

If you’re in your own version of a messy middle, I invite you to pause and find the space for AND, and give yourself both compassion and the room to breathe in the middle of it all.

If this post resonates I’d love to hear your comments below.

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