Istikhārah is a prayer that is done to seek Allah’s guidance on a matter or an affair. And that matter could be almost anything.

It could be marriage, choosing a partner, travelling, starting a job, choosing a school, moving somewhere or starting something new.

And honestly, I pray istikhārah quite regularly, and only recently did I realise that so many people know about it but have never actually prayed it before. 😭

Mind you, istikhārah is not only for those huge, life-altering decisions that come once in five years. It can be for the ordinary affairs of your life too , whenever you are uncertain about something and genuinely need Allah to guide you towards what is خير (good) for you.

For when you're unsure about a decision. For when you're skeptical about embarking on something. For when you're about to start something important, like a job. For when you're considering a friendship that doesn't feel right anymore. For when you're wondering whether you should take a particular opportunity.

Istikharah comes in.

One thing I love most about this prayer is what it teaches us about ourselves. Allah knows, and we do not know.

We can think we have gathered enough information. We can analyse every possibility, ask people for advice, weigh the pros and cons, and convince ourselves that we know exactly what is best for us.

But do we really?

Do we know what that opportunity will bring five years from now? Do we know whether the person we desperately want is actually good for our dīn and our dunya? Do we know whether the thing we are praying so hard for will eventually become a source of hardship?

We don't. We know what is in front of us but Allah knows what is beyond it.

And that is why istikhārah is so beautiful to me.

You are essentially saying: Ya Allah, I have considered this as much as I can. I have my own desires, my own fears and my own limited understanding. But You know, and I don't. So if this is good for me, make it easy for me and bless it for me. And if it is bad for me, turn it away from me and turn me away from it, and decree what is better for me.

The Prophet ﷺ taught us the prayer of istikhārah and its duʿā’, and it is beautifully comprehensive. We ask Allah to choose for us because we cannot always trust our own desires to tell us what is best.

And this is another thing I love about it: istikhārah teaches you to be content with Allah's decree.

It is saying, “Ya Allah, if this thing is good for me, give it to me. And if it isn't, take it away from me ,even if my heart wants it.”

That part is hard.

Because sometimes we already have a preference. We already have a picture in our head of how we want things to go. We pray istikhārah and secretly hope Allah confirms what we've already decided.

But istikhārah requires something deeper than that. It requires tawakkul and surrender. It is handing your affair over to the One who knows you better than you know yourself.

And no, istikhārah doesn't necessarily mean that you will have a dream afterwards. You don't have to see a dramatic sign, or wake up with a supernatural feeling telling you exactly what to do.

Sometimes the matter just becomes easier. Sometimes obstacles appear. Sometimes your heart becomes more settled. Sometimes circumstances unfold in a way you couldn't have planned yourself. Sometimes too, you make a decision after istikhārah and things still don't go perfectly.

But even then, your heart can have a different kind of peace. Because you asked Allah to choose for you. You sought His guidance with sincerity. And whatever He decrees after that, you trust that there is wisdom in it ,even when you cannot see it immediately.

Allah does not forsake His servants. I know this because istikhārah has been a very personal part of my life.

Two years ago, when I went through a life crisis and was almost depressed, istikhārah became one of the things I found solitude in.

When I was waiting on admission, confused about which school to apply to and which course to pursue, istikhārah was one of the prayers I found comfort in.

When I wasn't sure which hostel I should pay for, istikhārah came in.

When I was in a situationship, istikharah helped me leave who I felt was or wasn't meant for me.

And even now, whenever I find myself standing at a crossroads, I remind myself that I don't have to figure everything out by myself. I can hand the matter over to Allah.

That, to me, is one of the most beautiful things about being a Muslim. We are not expected to have every answer because We have a Lord who knows.

So pray istikhārah.

Pray it when you're uncertain. Pray it when you're torn between options. Pray it when your heart is attached to something but you genuinely want Allah's choice more than your own.

And after you pray it, don't obsess over signs. Do your part, make your decision, move forward and trust Allah.

If it works out, Alhamdulillah. If it doesn't, Alhamdulillah. If Allah gives you what you wanted, Alhamdulillah. If He takes it away and gives you something else, Alhamdulillah.

Because the point of istikhārah was never to get Allah to agree with our choice. It is to ask Allah to choose what is best for us.

Alhamdulillah. 🤍

Don't sleep on istikhārah!

Seriously. 😭🤍

From my heart to yours 🤍

Shamsiyya .

And why I believe it is, is because we had never visited the school mosque in the evening just like that before. But that evening, we went to the masjid.

I was out of my hostel, clutching my bag, to go and study anywhere quiet. My normal rendezvous was the class, but that evening, I just didn't feel like going there. So I walked past the mosque, and something in me nudged me to just enter and read there. Maybe I'd find the peace and quiet I was seeking.

I did.

And I met her. She had a stack of books too on the carpet. She was there to study too, for the first time.

At first, I found it hard to begin a conversation. It shouldn't have been hard though. I had seen her around campus, and a couple of times, we waved at each other, even before I properly knew her. But you know, I was hesitant.

One thing entwining with the other, I asked her a question, and we started talking.

She's been almost perfect. She's the first person I've ever met to feel remorse over a sin that we, I included, have somehow normalized.

I found it hard to believe people like her existed. She opened my eyes to things I overlooked. The importance of caring about the difference between right and wrong.

She trusted me with so much of herself, and I will never take that trust for granted. 🥹

I remember the second time we met at night class. Our talk stretched for almost two hours. It was as if we were both looking for each other our whole lives. We packed and unpacked our emotions. We listened. We understood.

I just know that she's someone I'm grateful to have come across.

She's my unpaid therapist.

She's someone I'm endlessly grateful Allah allowed me to meet.

I love her so, so much.

I don't want this to ever end, no matter the distance or the lack of communication.

I pray Allah preserves this friendship, strengthens our bond, and always keeps it on a path that pleases Him. I pray that wherever life takes us, we never become strangers.

To forever, my girl. 🤍

1.My name is Shamsiyya Salaudeen. I have been using this name since I was born,on my birth certificate and everything. Even though my dad's name is Yusuf, Salaudeen is basically a family name.

2. My friends call me Shamsie. I love it. Some call me Shining Star, though. It's one of the meanings of my name—beautiful, one and only, shining star. It's endearing, and I love it too.

3. I am from Oyo State. I am a correct Yoruba babe that lives in the North. I love being bilingual like that. 😹 It's nice.

4. I am pharmacy student. I didn't choose it out of passion. God chose it for me, so here I am, taking every course one lecture at a time. And honestly, I love it.

5. I think I am both introverted and extroverted. Like, I love people, but some days I just shut down and want to be alone. I don't know what to call that.

6. I am an overthinker. I am working on that, though. I'm learning not to try to predict the worst possible scenario in my life. 😭

7. I am an aspiring author. I am writing a book called Shades of Faridah. I have really high ambitions for this book. It's probably the only book I want to complete and publish, which is why I'm still gathering the manuscript carefully. Some of it is, of course, pieces of me.

8. Have I told you guys that I dream about Saudi Arabia, Makkah and Madinah? I really want to go there. I want to perform Umrah and Hajj sooooon. 🥹

9. I love watching the sky. The way the clouds move slowly fascinates me. Nature in general,there's something so peculiar about trees, pebbles, the moon, etc. I marvel at His creations a lot.

10. I can hold conversations—that is, when I feel like it. People tell me that I kind of always have the right thing to say when they need it and I love it, fr. It warms my heart.

11. I have a short attention span. Be it movies or books, believe me when I say I haven't watched a full series or movie in years. 😹 I don't know what's wrong with me.

12. I don't have a hobby. 😭 I suck at being consistent with one thing. It's like this week I want to do this, and next week I want to do that. In short, I'm random.

13. I'm terrible at dancing, but I always try to attempt it, when I'm alone or with my roomies or friends. 😭

14. I feel things too deeply. I care deeply. I love deeply. I don't think I hate deeply; I just won't f*ck with you anymore. But yeah, I am very sensitive.

15. I'm learning to accept that nothing good comes easy. I am kinda lazy with my Hifdh revision, my book manuscript, studying. Trust me, I have the potential to do these things excellently, but laziness tries to take over me sometimes.

16. I admire my smile, the way my eyes crinkle and my cheeks form this round shape when I smile. I can't believe I was once insecure about it.

17. I have a resting angry face. My mum and almost everyone that sees me when I make a normal face thinks I'm angry. But I'm not. 😅 People think I have pride at first impression, but they said I turned out to be the complete opposite when they got to know me.

18. I am building a small business of really crunchy chin chin, which is super affordable. Putting it here cuz I need customers. Ejooo, Dan Allah, Biko. Yawwa. 😅

19. I have always looked older than my age. When I was 13, people thought I was 18-ish. I am 19 and people think I am 22-ish. I dun tire to dey explain.

20. There's so much love in me. I am a big fan of love. I try to give the best version of myself in my family, friendships, relationships—I've never been in one though. 😭

21. I don't like arrogant and fake people. Like, what does it take to just be humble and genuine for once? I detest people like that fr.

22. I am a curious person. I always have the intuition of wanting to know more about someone or something that piques my interest.

23. I love words. Maybe that's part of why I write. There's something so satisfying about finding the exact word for a feeling I've been carrying around without a name.

24. If you know me personally, you know my obsession with the colour grey. I'm in love with all shades of grey fr. 🩶

25. I am 5'6. So I'm not short nor tall. This should have been number 10 though. 😂

26. Laughing is one of my antidotes. That's the reason I love funny people. If you can make me laugh easily, you will have my heart in no time. 😂 Be it a guy or a girl.

27. I want to experience a lot of life. I want to travel, learn, write, meet interesting people, see beautiful places and collect memories that I can look back to when I'm old.

28. I'm a firm believer that prayers move mountains. Oh my God, I can testify through and through. Alhamdulillah.

29. I am still figuring myself out. 😅 I no go talk pass that one.

30. Lastly, my values and faith are my core in this life. I don't compromise them for anything. I love being grounded. I love being close to Allah. I pray I become who I want to be.

This is not even a quarter of what's about me. It's just what I think I am. Results may differ. 😹

From my heart to yours 🤍

Shamsiyya.

I was 11. I had a surgery. The aftermath of the surgery was where it all began.

You know how drowsy and disoriented a person gets after recovering from the anaesthesia injected into their veins? That was how I felt. My vision was blurry. I felt hella drowsy. I tried darting my eyes open, and in the process, my brain conjured an angel in a white garment. 😭

I started panicking.

Beads of sweat engulfed my face. I began reciting the Kalimatush Shahadah like there wasn't a tomorrow—which, of course, there couldn't have been if my time was up.

I held my mum's hand tightly.Then the confessions of farewell started pouring out.

I began apologising for the ₦10 I carried from her purse without asking. I apologised for everything I had done. Every little thing my brain could remember suddenly became a matter of urgent confession.

She said I sounded like gibberish. But me?At that moment, I felt really articulate. Articulate in the sense that I was certain I had stated my will perfectly before I died. 😭

Soon, my vision began to clear, and the angel I thought I saw in a white garment turned out to be the doctor in a white coat.

I know. It wasn't just the blurry vision that made me mistake him for an angel. It was the intensity of the feeling. The way I could almost feel the anaesthesia leaving my body slowly, made me feel like I was suspended somewhere between life and death.

And here I am now, at 12:36 p.m., lying on my bed and thinking about how I am going to leave this world.

What condition will I be in? What food will be my last? What will my last sentence be? Who will I make eye contact with for the last time?

I am oblivious to all of it.But The All-Knower knows.He knows yours too.

It could be tomorrow.It could be the day after tomorrow.It could be one month from tonight.It could also be ten years from now.

It is all unknown.

And somehow, that's what makes death terrifying. We have no idea when it will meet us.

If we did, our hearts would prepare. For those with imaan, that preparation would mean returning to Allah with a heart that is more ready. And for others, the heart would panic at the thought of knowing the exact date of its own demise, without doing nothing. May Allah protect us.

It makes me wonder what death feels like.

Does it feel like the end of a race? Or simply the continuation of another life in the Barzakh?

Of course, it is the latter. But I still wonder. What does it look like? How does the grave expand? How does the fragrance of Jannah reach the person when its gates are opened?

What does it feel like when the grave is made spacious for a believer? How do the two angels of questioning look? How do they sound?

SubhanAllah.

I feel terrified just typing this. Guys, we will never know. Not until our heart stops pumping. Not until our soul departs from our body. Not until we are washed by someone we could have once been shy of exposing our body to while alive. Not until we are wrapped in a white sheet of clothing. Not until we are carried to that confined, rectangular hollow in the ground. Not until earth is poured over us.

Until then, we will never truly know.

This death has been promised to us.Allah says that every soul shall taste death.Every soul.All of us will taste it.

My brothers and sisters, me too. I say this on my own behalf as well. I forget about death sometimes. I forget about how it is going to be the end of a life I've been chasing and the beginning of another. We all do. We forget, and that's a fact.

Sometimes, our brains simply wire out the thought that we could die right there and then, in a split second.

And our souls give in to sin because our bodies give them the privilege to.

Because tell me, how will a dumb person lie without their lips? They can't.

Our bodies give us the privilege to sin. But they also give us the privilege to do good.To pray.To give charity.To help someone.To speak kindly.To preserve a trust.To please our Creator.

It is left to us to choose what work our bodies should do. It is left to us to fight our nafs.

We falter every day.Allah knows we do. But Allah also wants us to get back up.To recognise our faults. To wallow in our regret, not in despair. To seek His forgiveness before it is too late. Before our soul reaches our throat. Before the moment comes when repentance is no longer an option.

So, dear reader, tonight or today—give up a bad habit.Give more charity.Do a good deed solely for Allah. Apologise to someone. Pray that extra prayer. Leave that sin you've been postponing to give up.Do everything you know Allah will be pleased with.

Because this world is vanity.

We will leave one day.We will leave behind the things we loved.The things we wanted.The things we spent so much time chasing.

And when that moment comes, we will realise how little of this world was ever worth disobeying Allah for.

So don't chase this world blindly. Remember death.Not because you want to live in fear of it, but because remembering it reminds you where you are ultimately going.

May Allah forgive our sins, make us among those who meet Him while He is pleased with us, and grant us a beautiful ending.

May Allah grant us all Husnul Khatimah. Ameen.

From my heart to yours 🤍

Shamsiyya.

There were situations where I almost considered dating. Sometimes for the sake of it, sometimes just to feel like I belonged to a man, sometimes to have someone take care of my emotions and bills. That's funny, I know.

But nowadays, dating has become transactional. Which, funny enough , I'm not ready for that trade-by-barter thingy. Not even with something as little as my time.

Don't get me wrong. I am a lover girl. I haven't really experienced that side of me yet, but I know. Heck, I can willingly sacrifice my time for someone who is worth it. Now, figuring out who that is might seem tricky.

But y'all can already tell that I cherish emotional and financial security.

But am I willing to sacrifice my fragile heart to impending fallouts? Or my chastity to fleeting physical intimacy?

No.

I had a conversation with my friend where I told him this, and he simply said, "Your reasons are valid, Shamsie. I don't advise you to date either."

I don't know if it's because my standards are getting higher as I grow older. No, I don't think so. It's the bare minimum. What every girl like me want.

And it's not like I have a long list of how I want my man to be whatsoever. Of course, I have preferences,some silly, some valid. The valid ones are simply the basic qualities I want my man to have.

Now, scratch that. That's not really the essence of this piece.

What I'm trying to say is that I am happy,even relieved—not to be in the loop of emotional dependency.

Not like I have never had feelings for anyone before. I have. In fact, just once. That was the only feeling I accepted as genuine, not infatuation. I was sixteen.

But that's a story for another article.

The rest were feelings I discarded. Or I'm about to discard due to a current situation🙃. Not necessarily because of how a guy acted towards me, but because I just didn't feel the electricity spark. Mine isn't chemistry. Na spark🤣. Sometimes, though, it also depended on how they acted.

All in all, I am glad. Alhamdulillah.

Sometimes, the desire to date or be in a serious relationship weighs heavily on me. I shove it off anyway because I know the right one will come at the right time,in the perfect timing.

So lately, I've been saving myself the stress of unnecessary attachment. I block contacts that seem to be aiming for something deep. Though there are distractions here and there,but they're not enough to catch me off guard, in Sha Allah.

I will stand as a hard girl until I'm being made to sit and bask in my soft girl era ,by him.

Allah says we may want something, yet it may not be good for us.

That made me realize that I may be protected.

In fact, I am protected, and I pray that Allah continues to protect me.

The dating pool is honestly messy, and I don't want to find myself lost in that mess.

Healthy relationships do exist, though. I don't write this because I think dating automatically ruins people or because everyone who dates is making the wrong choice. This is simply my conviction, my season, and the peace I've found in it.

And just before I step into one, I pray that I'm fully prepared and truly ready for a lifelong commitment to happiness, peace, and bliss.

So until my time comes, I'll keep protecting my heart, guarding my peace, and letting Allah write my love story.

From my heart to yours🤍

Shamsiyya.

Joy erupted on the blessed morning I made my mother, a mother,

and my father, a father.

On this day,

I arrived like a shining star,

finding her way into their lives,

illuminating their hearts

and adding laughter to the home that had been waiting for me.

Or so, perhaps, I presumed.

No-

The love that wrapped itself around me,

both quietly and loudly,

the prayers whispered over me

with so much affection;

the silent sacrifices

that became the foundation of my smile,

all reminds me

that I have always been loved.

To the little girl

whose laughter echoed

before worries learned her name,

I miss you.

Long gone are those sweet days,

days that only nostalgia

allows me to visit again.

To the teenager

who smiled through tests

she never imagined facing,

who waited for doors to open,

and when they finally did,

walked into pharmacy school

with gratitude,

uncertainty,

and courage...

I commend you.

To the girl

who learned

and unlearned;

whose self-esteem grew shaky,

yet stood before the mirror of her heart

and whispered,

"That is a lie. I am worthy."

I see you.

And now,

to the nineteen-year-old

standing at the edge of womanhood,

becoming,

growing,

and letting go.

I am rooting for you so much.

Keep choosing softness

in a world

that celebrates hardness.

Keep protecting your faith

even when it feels difficult.

And to the woman

I will become,

May your hands heal.

May your words inspire.

May your knowledge benefit.

And may your heart

remain humble,

no matter how high

Allah raises you.

I already love you.

Not because of what you will achieve,

but because of who you are

while striving.

And if no one tells you today,

I am proud of you.

Always🤍

From my heart to yours🤍,

Shamsiyya.

I love Prophet Muhammad ﷺ

I love all the prophets and their families

I love the idea of Jannah

I love being a Muslim

I love talking to Allah

I love being vulnerable in His presence

I love feeling the warmth in my heart after a long sujood

I love Qur'an

I love reflecting on a Qur'an verse

I love listening to a melodious Qur'an recitation

I love the sound of the call to prayer (Adhan)

I love Badr Al Turki’s recitation,I got hooked recently

I love Sudais’s recitation,since childhood 🤍

I love taking dhikr walks

I love my mum

I love the sound of my mum's laughter

I love laughing with my mum

I love my dad

I love my two sisters

I love my not so annoying brother

I love late-night chats with my sister

I love my cousins

I love my circle of friends

I love laughing with my friends

I love when I say something funny accidentally

I love singing along with my roommates and friends

I love hanging out with my friends

I love long phone calls with my favorite people

I love reconnecting with an old friend

I love deep conversations,that makes my intellect filled up

I love meeting new people

I love being welcomed

I love when someone understands me

I love hugsssss

I love when people trust me with their secrets

I love love

I love seeing couples shyly gaze at each other

I love my future husband

I love my future kids

I love little acts of kindness

I love being in the North

I love when I make someone happy

I love when people are nice to me

I love compliments about my character

I love my emotional intelligence

I love my sense of humor

I love my smile

I love displaying my goofy side unapologetically with people I'm comfortable with

I love the way Salima’s face lit up when she sees me

I love the relief that washes over me after I cry

I love hearing relief stories from people who overcame difficult time

I love watching the sky

I love the smell of the earth after it rains

I love sound of rain

I love cozy weathers

I love imagining good things

I love taking pictures

I love beautiful pictures of me

I love good lighting in the house

I love neat spaces

I love watermelon

I love a wholesome meal

I love being Yoruba

I love bread

I love my skin colour

I love my dark knuckles

I love my toes

I love abayas

I love grey color

I love new clothes

I love cute Crocs

I love new things in general😅

I love perfumes

I love when an outfit I planned comes out perfectly

I love writing

I love journaling

I lov learning new things

I love reading catchy books

I love reading Islamic books

I love Fulani language

I love love Arabic

I love scrolling on Pinterest and substack

I love watching Layinka Sani on YouTube

I love Aisha Dahir's tweets

I love watching ASMR videos

I love ChatGPT

I love wedding or naming ceremony jollof rice

I love sleeping

I love eating

I love memes

I love credit alerts

I love red notification of a new Instagram follower

I love fast chargers

I love Samsung products

I love the smell of thrift clothes

I love being indoors sometimes

I love babies when they're calm

I love when a toddler clings to me and won't let me go

I love feeling better after being sick

I love money

I love my life

I would love to perform Hajj soon

I love walking side by side with my dad

I love guys who respect women

There's a lot I love in this world but here,this is a sneak peek into the things I cherish.

Thanks for reading 🤭

From my heart to yours 🤍

Shamsiyya

He was my friend. My mum and his mum knew each other, so it felt like we knew each other beyond just being classmates.

Anyone who knew me back then knew I was obsessed with storybooks. Like, I could see you reading one and not leave you alone until you lent it to me. 😂 My mum discovered that at the time, so she would occasionally buy me interesting storybooks, comic books, and the rest.

One time, during exam period, I brought some of my storybooks to school. I can't remember why, but I think I just wanted to show them off.

Abduljalal begged me to let him borrow one to read, and I did. When he was done, he gave it back.

Something in me just decided to flip through the books again, only for me to see one wack, childish proposal written at the end of one of them.

"My mum and your mum know each other, and we will marry when we grow up."

Bro... at that innocent age, I wasn't even flattered. I was just confused. More importantly, I was scared because what if my mum saw it when I took the books back home? 😭

So I immediately erased it with an eraser. He wrote it with a pencil because... well, that's what we used in Primary 2. 😂

Looking back at it now, it just amuses me. I know it'll probably amuse him too if he ever remembers, because that was pure childishness.

In case Abduljalal ever comes across this piece, I have one question for you, bro...

Where did that audacity come from at that age? 😭😹

Xoxo, guys.

Chronicles of My Childhood.

From my heart to yours🤍,

Shamsiyya.

I was doom scrolling today when this funny memory popped up in my head. Believe me, it's funny 🤣. It makes me cringe and crack me up all the time 😭.

I had always been an inquisitive kid when I was little. I was curious about everythinggg. I wanted to know how birds flew without falling to the ground, I wanted to know how babies were made, and so many more things 🤣. Now this is where y'all will see how my curiosity landed me in trouble.

I was 6 years old, yes, 6 😭, in Primary 2.

I was seated quietly in class, folding paper shapes, I think. I sha knew I was occupied with something so that I wouldn't find myself on the list of noisemakers. There was pin-drop silence in the classroom.

The boy writing the names of noisemakers stood in front of the class, actively trying to fish out who made any sound, his eyes scanning each one of us. Let's call this boy David (not saying his real name cuzz who knows if he might one day come across this 😆).

David walked past my desk to my friend's desk. Let's call my friend Hauwa (not saying her real name as well 🙃).

David talked to Hauwa in a hush tone. He was looking for Hauwa's trouble, I guessed. I watched them quietly from my desk tho, trying to make sense of what they were saying in a class that was supposed to be dead silent. Don't blame me please 😂 it was my curiosity.

I don't know if it was the protectiveness in me for my friend or maybe the fact that they were both violating the rule of noisemaking in class, but something in me made me tear out a sheet of paper, ready to let her know what I felt without making noise before I find my name on the list of noisemakers.

I wrote:

"Hauwa, if you don't stop talking to David, he will give you stomach."

I passed it to her.

I watched her unfold it and read it, looking confused... but I doubt she even got the message. If you ask me, I don't blame her. I mean, we were KIDS. How were we supposed to know these things?

But inquisitive little Shamsie had somehow knew that when a boy and a girl got too close, the girl would eventually "have stomach." So in my tiny 6-year-old mind, I thought David and Hauwa were doing something that would lead to that 😂.

Chaiii 😂

That was how our teacher saw the paper and read it out loud. I felt like I should disappear from the classroom 😭. I was so embarrassed.

The next thing was history. I chop beating in short 😭.

I'm sure they were, one, surprised by the conclusion I came up with, and two, surprised at how I even knew anything remotely related to that information.

But sincerely guys, do you think I deserved the cane? Please let me know in the comments.

I just dey reason why them beat me, wallahi 😂😂😂.

Thanks for reading and good night.

From my heart to yours 🤍,

Shamsiyya.

My plan was to be updating weekly, and today is exactly one week since I wrote my first piece. And here I am, picking my pen up for another piece without even realizing it. Just because I started to miss being here already.

Today, I want to talk about death. Scary, right? Yes, I know. Nobody wants to die. Or rather, people fear the state in which they will die more than death itself. I mean, that's really valid.

Over the years, we've lost people we know—our loved ones, our relatives, our friends, our mutual friends, our neighbors, acquaintances, and so on. One way or another, we've experienced how losing a human being feels in our midst. And honestly, each loss has a different degree of impact on us. That's because every deceased person had a different level of relationship with you and me.

But no loss beats the loss of someone you see every day, or almost every day. Someone that you interact with daily. Someone whose presence you notice every day, and who notices yours too. Someone who occupies a place in your daily schedule.

You will still feel the loss of someone who doesn't match what I mentioned above, but you can't compare. At all.

Let me tell you a story about my friend, Firdausi. May Allah have mercy on her soul.

I had known Firdausi for a very short time, but it felt like I had known her my whole life. I was 11, in JS2, when she got admitted into our school. Firdausi was quiet, meek, and gentle. She walked carefully and, although she struggled due to her illness, she still carried herself with so much calmness.

Just like how magnets pull towards each other, Firdausi and I clicked. We became friends so fast. I became her only friend in class, and at that time, I felt really honored—for me to be someone she probably looked forward to seeing in class every day.

Gosh, why are tears dripping from my retina? 😭

After school hours, we went home together. One memory I can recall is when we were seated during break time, sharing lunch, and I said something that made her laugh out loud. Firdausi hardly laughed, so it felt like I had won a trophy. I was happy that she was happy.

Firdausi battled with neck problems, and some days I wished she would crack out of her shell and give room for other friends. Little did I know that she was battling pains I never understood.

Fast forward to when the term ended and we went on holiday.

I always felt eager to resume school because it had been long since I saw my friends, so I literally never missed school on the first day of resumption.

My form teacher, Miss Nafisa, and a few of my classmates were dusting and arranging the tables and chairs.

Just then, our gateman came in to break the news to us that Firdausi had passed away.

I can still remember how the chair Miss Nafisa was holding fell hard to the floor. She was shocked.

I stood there, trying to make sense of what he had just said.

When he said it, I didn't feel anything, strangely. It was as if he had cracked a joke.

Life moved on for the first 72 hours—from the condolence visit we paid to her family to the prayers we showered upon her parents.

Grief is dynamic. Grief is seasonal. Grief is random.

It was after that that it dawned on me that I would not see Firdausi for the rest of my life. It was then that I started to miss her deeply.

I cried.

I cried to my mum.

SubhanAllah.

Alhamdulillah, I cherish the little moments I spent with her before her demise. I was lucky to know her.

And I pray she's in a better place.

So, for anyone who has lost someone in their life, remember that we will all follow suit at any time. Prepare, make amends, and live a life worth living.

May death meet us while we are prepared for it. May Allah grant every grieving soul more patience and fortitude. May Allah grant all deceased Muslims forgiveness.

Aameen.

From my heart to yours,

Shamsiyya 🤍

Well, for me, I had never wondered… until one mind-blowing and amazing redirection happened in my life.

I was 15. Young, still getting to know Allah and navigating through adolescence. So let me tell the story this way — I don't want to give too much information.

It was on a random night, just a day before I wrote my first JAMB. I really can't remember the exact day, but I remember the whole scenario so vividly.

That night, I was skeptical and restless. Why? Because I felt underprepared for the exam. Although I had prepared so hard, sometimes you just can't shake off the feeling of exam anxiety.

I was meant to write the exam somewhere far from my home at 6:30 a.m. And of course, getting there early was no small feat.

So my dad opted for me to sleep over at his friend's house, which was closer to the exam venue.

I had never slept over anywhere before, so you know, the sleep wouldn't be sweet and restful like that. The brain would be half awake, trying to process the change of environment. Nevertheless though, it still felt like home. It felt like a safe corner.

After settling into the guest room, I showered, recited my adhkar, and paired it with lots of du'as to pass the exam. I think I remember drifting into sleep whispering, “Allahumma la sahla…” 😂

I was really anxious fr.

Mind you, the real context isn't here yet, so just keep scrolling 😹

The next morning, I woke up and realized I had to resume praying.

Now this was where panic surged through me — finding out where the qibla was. My hosts were Christians, and their neighborhood was mainly Christian too. And at that time, I didn't know that I could track the qibla direction with my phone.

I remember him — my dad's friend — saying, “Just face anywhere, God sees the heart.”

I nodded, still not satisfied, and went back to the room reluctantly, standing to face anywhere to pray.

Like a replaying memory, I suddenly remembered the vague dream I had the night before. Wallahi, typing this right now even fills my eyes with tears. SubhanAllah.

A man clad in white was bowing in prayer. He was facing the window adjacent to the door.

Happily, I turned to face where I remembered him facing.

After I ended the prayer, I started to prepare, ate breakfast, dressed up, then we set off for the exam venue.

Just two streets away, I sighted a mini congregation of men praying — and they faced exactly where I had faced.

It was as if Allah sent me a confirmation of His guidance to me.

When I narrated this story to my neighbor, she said it was a sign that Allah loves me and loves my ibaadah. That felt beautiful.

Allah loves each and every one of us. Wallahi, His Mercy even surpasses His anger.

Let's make the most of our lives by pleasing Him and making Him our first priority.

May Allah make it easy for us. Aameen.

From my heart to yours,

Shamsiyya 🤍