Good Will Hunting is such an incredible movie. A lesson can be learned through almost every scene, every line, and every camera angle. But, one of the biggest lessons I got from it during my recent rewatch is that, you have to be willing to take the first step, even if you’re risking the perfect vision of yourself in your head.

There are constant stressors in our lives. Family, friends, our professions, our education, and so much more that we can’t even begin to explain. I am the type of person to always be certain. Uncertainty scares me beyond belief. It is something that is second nature to me, so when I am stressed, I make it a point to know where the stress will end.

Yet, entering adulthood has taught me that uncertainty is everywhere and within everyone. I honestly couldn’t even tell you where i’ll be next week, or even where i’ll be in about 2 hours. And just like that, I couldn’t even tell you where I stand with myself or my feelings. That is absolutely terrifying to admit to not only myself, but to anyone reading this, but it’s the whole truth.

I always know what I want, or at least I think I do. So when confronted with the uncertain reality and the unexpected twists and turns life throws at me, will I even be certain that I will make the right choice? Expecting perfection from myself was never the goal, but I still find myself forcing the narrative that perfection is what I should strive for.

The only guarantee: death, taxes, and doubt

Doubt is such a tricky concept. Some people say that if you feel any doubt, then you aren’t certain, and some say that if you don’t feel doubt, then you’re jumping in too quickly and don’t know what you’re doing. What do I think? I think you’ll never be sure if you don’t just do it.

Doubt will find itself in every decision we make, big or small. Hot take, I think it will even find you the day you get married, or the day you buy your dream car. It’s your dream car, it’s your dream partner, yet a layer of doubt will always creep into our minds. I think that is important. If we have doubts, we recognize that things might go wrong, but we’re doing it anyway.

Doubt shouldn’t stop you, it should encourage you to basically fuck around and find out. Do what matters to you, pursue who you want to pursue, if it doesn’t work out, who cares? You always have tomorrow to pick yourself up and decide on the next thing you want to do.

It’s the basic concept of, “you’ll never know if you don’t try”. Think of it as just the added layer of nuance in a decision you thought would be simple for you.

Of course doubt is entirely dependent on how badly it takes over our minds. If your doubts are world shattering revelations, then you probably shouldn’t go through with whatever it is that you’re doing. But if it’s something simple, then play with the fabric of reality and do it, add some pages to the story of your life.

Perfection is not mandatory

As a self proclaimed perfectionist, the hardest lesson I have had to learn is that, true perfection is not realistically attainable. It just isn’t in the rule book of life. We were never meant to be completely perfect, we were meant to be flawed and complicated.

There is a sort of quiet acceptance that comes with this. Realizing that there are things out of my control, and that I will survive it. Realizing that some things will be and some things won’t, and that it is what it is.

Put simply, I am not perfect. Nobody else is either, and I should be able to recognize that having that expectation for myself is unfair.

When it comes down to making decisions, I look at them differently now. I look at them as part of the bigger picture of life. They are the small parts that make it whole. The parts of myself that I let decide how things will go. I have so many doubts, but I am starting to realize that maybe that isn’t such a bad thing, it is just the manifestation of the fact that sometimes not everything is perfect, including myself.

Take the first step

Even though doubt is in the essence of the decisions we make, it should never be the end of it. We must take control of the things we want to do, even if it means destroying the concept of what you thought would happen. You can rehearse a conversation a million times in your mind, but I promise you that the true nature of connection is found within the beauty of uncertainty.

So, do whatever it is you want to do. Don’t deprive yourself of what you want in hopes of maintaining a made up construct of perfection.

If you never take the first step, then you’ll never truly know if things would work out in the end. The day dreaming is comfortable, but the reality is uncertain, difficult, and imperfect. Chase it, do it, choose it, because you will never know if you don’t try.

From the moment we are born, we are out to seek purpose. The purpose of sleeping, eating, and depending on someone. We walk blindly into the clutches of what is comfortable because that is what we were made to do. Yet, when we reach the end of the line of our pre-programmed minds, and are able to choose which purpose we pursue, how will we know exactly what that is?

What is real purpose?

When I say “purpose”, I don’t just mean what we dedicate our lives to. What I mean by “purpose” is the never ending search to keep going for someone, or something.

I recently watched the movie, Meet Joe Black (1998). Beyond being a romance movie, it has a lot to say about the different meanings we give our lives. Its an exploration of regret, identity, purpose, and finding fulfillment in the beauty of life, specifically the beauty within its finality.

We often hear the words, “life is short.” Which in theory, it is. The movie explores this in 2 concepts. The final stretch of a 65 year old mans life, and the mere 4 days death (Joe Black) is on Earth. Both of them had different experiences, yet ultimately they found that they both found peace with the end. Joe, fell in love, experienced the chemical changes of it, and that was enough to make death cry. His 65 year old counterpart, Bill, had built an empire, grown old, raised his daughters, and was leaving behind a legacy. 2 lives, 1 purpose. Acceptance.

In the end, we find that acceptance does not come easily, of course if death shows up on our front steps, we won’t be too happy about it. On the other hand, if we meet the love of our lives and then have to go back to being cosmically invisible, i’d be mad too. But, what is beautiful about life is that it only happens once.

It is just like love, with love you only have to get it right once. Then thats it. With life it’s the same way. Lightning strikes, and it won’t strike in the same place twice.

If I had to say one thing about this movie, it would be that our life’s purpose can come from anywhere. A purpose is not an action or a tangible thing you dedicate your life to, it is a passion for life. A reason you wake up and decide to get out of bed, a person you look at and feel complete vulnerability around, or it might just be something you are chasing.

A purpose is not an end, it is a goal. It is the continuous cycle of what we wish to get out of life until our very last breath.

A struggle towards real meaining

One of the main reasons I wrote this was because I think I’ve been struggling a lot lately with mortality, purpose, and life. I am almost 20, and my current focuses are on my career, my health, and my 7 hours of sleep (sometimes). Yet, everyone around me is on the singular thing I have not done, they are all falling in love.

I think this all started somewhere along the lines of last year, and it has consumed my entire life. My conversations turned from, “How are your classes?” to “I can’t wait to hang out with my boyfriend today.” I love to hear it, the happiness is contagious, but when it is all said and done, on a Wednesday night, I come home to an empty house, a silent phone, and a recollection of the same day over and over again.

This is where it has led me to purpose, is there a purpose I am not seeing? Why does this come so easily to everyone else, yet when I’m not looking it somehow gets farther and farther away from me?

In Meet Joe Black, Bill has a conversation with his daughter Susan, our female protagonist, about love. He says: “To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven’t lived at all.” So, what is life without love? I’ll tell you.

It is the same. The same as when you had to take care of yourself when you’re sick, the same as when you cry and grieve on your own, and its the same as when you sit by yourself at your table eating takeout in silence. You can try to run from it, fill your schedule, never have time to form a thought about it, or go to sleep to try to avoid it, but it will always find you. The deep sense of longing, the loneliness, the isolation, the silence you sit in when you’re in bed at night, it will always find you.

The void will not leave you, so you have to move on from it like you have your entire life. What life without love is, is just life. It is the same as it always has been, you decide how to sit with your silence. You either sit with it in peace, or be haunted by the version of you that might have been with someone right now.

Life, just like love, is a cycle of repeating goals. In life, you work towards something new because humans seek enrichment wherever they can find it. In love you grow into it everyday because the version you were yesterday lives inside you but continues to evolve with every blink.

So, what are you working for? Maybe you don’t have to decide right now, but you should pursue and work on it. Because what truly gives our lives purpose isn’t something we can fully grasp, it’s the next mountain we can climb.

And if you have no idea what your purpose might be, who knows? Maybe lightning could strike.

I am well aware that highlighting my personal insecurities online is not a smart choice. But if this can help just one person relate to what I have been through, it is worth every word I write. Because at the end of the day, we all live with insecurities and are always looking for a little bit of understanding.

I don’t want to make this whole article a long dicertatcion about how I “hate myself” because frankly, I don’t. I am aware of my short comings, I am aware I am not the standard for beauty, and I am aware those are things that make me uniquely myself I don’t let it deter me from being who I want to be.

With that being said, the truth is… I have never felt beautiful. There has not been a day in my life where I acknowledge my “beauty”. I am content, but I am not blissfuly ignorant to the fact that I am not beautiful.

“Beauty is subjective, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Or so they love to say.

Yet, there has not been a moment I have experienced complete and true self love. It comes and goes in small, minuscule moments, but leaves just as quickly as it came. Since the moment I gained consciousness, I have never felt complete self love.

But, this has not made me entirely insecure, or scared to even be myself. Actually, the complete opposite. I have always tried to be myself because that is all I have left to offer.

I cannot offer you compelling good looks, but I can offer you compelling conversations. I cannot offer you total glamour, but I can offer you effort and understanding. I like to think those things are what leave a lasting impact on the people who are willing to give me the time of day.

I don’t know if I will ever achieve the thing people love to boast about which is “self love”. I have never once experienced that emotion, or that feeling? Is it a hunch? Is it just something you know? Well, regardless of what it might be, it does not seem attainable to me.

A confusing term and confusing standard

There have been times in my life I have felt confident. Confident in my ability to do something, confident in an outfit im wearing, confident in a decision i’m making. I see those moments as a glimmer of hope in my journey to “self love”. But, I want to flip that script for a second.

Who says that “self love” can’t just be accepting yourself as you are? I don’t have to boast about how beautiful I am, because that would be dishonest. I am not putting myself down, I am just being truthful with myself.

I accept my looks, I accept that it might not be what other people want to see but honestly is that even my problem? Beauty standards are ridiculous, does anyone really expect every woman to keep up with those? I don’t think so.

You won’t find the answer in anyone but yourself

As women, our value oftentimes gets placed on how much male attention we receive. How many times men ask for our numbers when we go out, how many free things we can get from people just for being pretty, and how many dudes are talking to themselves in our DMs. But those things are so incredibly arbitrary. Nobody says that is how things have to be, we honestly do it to ourselves.

Men have the same issue, they constantly look for reassurance from their fellow peers rather than following their heart. It’s a cycle nobody has bothered to break because it maintains a sort of sadistic dating hierarchy we’re so used to.

I ask all of us, men, women, and anyone looking for love, to stop placing your value socially or physically on each other. There is no “price” or “value” on human life and who you are. There is only the things that make us uniquely ourselves, and that is all that should ever matter.

Self love and romance always tend to get placed together. People say that you cannot love anyone else before you love yourself. I agree, but we have to be careful as to how we place loving ourselves in a relationship. A relationship makes you learn so much about yourself, that could reveal much more than you thought you knew about you. The good and the bad live within you, self love is too much of a loose term to even begin to describe that.

What really is “self love”?

I think the journey to self love is never ending. It is something that continuously grows as we get older, and as we learn and experience new things. Nobody is perfect, in any way shape or form.

We might think we have self love totally figured out, but we don’t. We actually have no idea what that even means. And people love to throw the term around and put everyone around them in that box until they just figure it out themselves.

There is nothing wrong with thinking you have achieved true self love, all power to you. But don’t expect others around you to think the same unexplored and undefined emotion about themselves. At the end of the day, we are all different for a reason. Embrace the differences rather than hiding the truth.

You can love yourself as you were created while also knowing you are an ever changing being who will go through so much in their life that you will never truly stay the same for long.

Accept who you are now, but know that it’s okay to feel different about it tomorrow. After all, this moment is all we have and the next day is never promised, especially how we will feel isn’t either. You are changing, you are growing, and you are the living creation of the love that came before you. Embrace it.

Loss is difficult. And I know it is extremely redundant of me to say because we often hear it when we need it least. But, as I get older I realize that loss can come in many ways I never even expected. The physical, the mental, and the psychological tolls loss takes on us can sometimes be more than what be bargained for.

There are many bridges we will have to cross throughout our lifetimes. Some we want to cross with anticipation and excitement, and others where we might have to be dragged by our feet to cross it.

There is a sort of grief process that comes with leaving anything behind. Moving to a new home and leaving your room behind, no matter how much time you spent in that house. Or losing a friendship unexpectedly, when your paths are going two separate ways.

I like to think I am able to handle my grief in a good manner. But, what even is a “good way” to handle grief if not letting your body and your mind feel every emotion as it comes and goes? Isn’t that the fundamentals of being human?

I think the biggest lesson I have learned with grief is that there is no “correct” way to grieve. It comes and goes in waves, it cultivates itself in fond memories, and it always has a way of finding you when you least expect it.

We open our hearts to it

I recently replayed one of my favorite video games, God of War Ragnarok. A game where Kratos, a powerful demi god whose wife dies… not at the hands of a villain, but at the hands of fate itself. Kratos was used to hunting down those who have wronged him, yet this time he had nobody to confront except grief, which turns out to be one of the hardest battles he’s ever faced. This game is a spectacular reminder that grief is brutal, even to an all powerful demi god like Kratos.

When I replayed the game, so much had happened between the time it first came out and I played it, to the second time I revisited it. It felt like I had stepped into the life of my old self, playing this game not knowing what was soon to come. As I watched the scenes between Faye (Kratos’s wife) and Kratos, It hit so much harder as someone who has now lived long enough to see loved ones and friends pass away.

It made me reflect on every single person I have ever met. The stories they had told me, the people they had loved and cared about, and the places they always wanted to see and never got the chance to.

People always say, “everything happens for a reason.” And as much as I want to think that is true, a part of me always doubts. Simply because I find it hard to come to terms with the fairness of the fate some people I know have met. Why them? Why now?

But a part of grief that I never thought would come is acceptance. Accepting that this is how it is, and this is how life works. As hard of a pill as it is to swallow, it is the truth. I reject it as it comes, but I accept it as it goes.

It is all hidden in the details

I think being able to grieve someone or something is a privilege. To have loved and cared for a person so much that their absence leaves a literal hole in your life is a clear example that your heart was open to them, and it was worth every second. To miss a place so much that it leaves a mark on you, means you made unforgettable memories there, and those things never leave you because they make up who you are.

Every person you meet, every place you go will always be a part of you. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. Every single moment, memory, conversation, and shared laugh is something we must learn to never take for granted, let alone forget.

I am not sure where all the people or things I have lost might be. But, I know that a place I’ll always find them is myself, because I am a reflection of the imprint they left on my soul, forever.

I’ll be honest, ever since coming to college I have struggled so so much making friends. Which to me was the last thing on the list of worries when coming here. College is supposed to be one of the easiest places to find “your people.” Yet, it feels like I am so far from my people, i’m not even sure if they actually exist.

What is even more crazy about this issue is, I am social. Honestly as extroverted as some may get, but that skill has gotten further and further away from me the more Ive been shut down by people.

Don’t get me wrong, I have tried. I have tried talking to those who sit next to me in class, I’ve tried meeting people at clubs, the educational kind, and I’ve even tried dming people on instagram. I know, certainly a choice but I was desperate. None of those have worked.

This is new for me, honestly I don’t think I have ever struggled this much making friends. And recently, it has made me appreciate the friends I do have already from back home, but it has also opened my eyes to the friends I seriously need to leave in my past.

So, is it really me, them, or is it just that Im looking in the wrong places?

Search and you will find, or you might not find at all

Very recently, I “lost” a friend. And I put lost in quotations because, it was never truly official. This person, who is extremely bad at communicating, never communicated to me that they didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. They simply just never spoke to me again and I found out from someone else. And unfortunately for them, when it comes to the whole “I will genuinely never speak to you again” I have gone olympic. So it’s safe to say that friendship, gone.

However, I’d be lying if I said I was upset at this friendship ending. Actually it’s the complete opposite. The moment I realized this person was out of my life forever, I was sort of relieved. Like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

No offense to this person, but I am glad that we stopped being friends. Not because they were a bad friend per se, but because It was truly never meant to be a friendship in the first place. I just simply couldn’t cater to their sensitivity.

I know, it sounds terrible. But I promise I am not a monster. I am just a bit sarcastic, and I was raised in a very latin household where “bullying” was really just a sign of love and mostly seen as endearing.

I think this friendship fading showed me something that I had never considered before. Maybe I am just looking in the wrong places.

Because, if I am notoriously known for making sarcastic jokes, why on earth would I be friends with someone who can’t even detect common sarcasm? Seriously its completely my fault.

But that definitely taught me one thing, don’t go searching if you don’t even know where you’re looking.

The endless search for understanding

I am someone who cares too much. I truly do care too much about what my friends are doing and how they are. Im not much of a person that needs constant reassurance though. I could go days without speaking to someone and I’ll understand that its really not personal, its just life. I get busy too.

Yet, very recently I have started to realize that I think I put way too much effort into my friendships, when I don’t get much back.

For example, I text a groupchat, I ask for advice, I get maybe one or two responses, I reply, and then there is no response. Not really even a conversation. Should it really be this hard to maintain the attention of the people who I call friends?

Also, it seems like nowadays the art of the phone call is completely lost. I think I might be the last person on planet Earth who will pick up the phone when I get called. And what is crazy is i’m not asking for a facetime call worth 2 hours, I am simply asking for a little conversation, because I care.

I care to ask how you have been, how is school, how is your family, what big projects are you working on? Something. I honestly can’t tell you the last time someone called me to check up on me, excluding my best friend of course.

Is it selfish to say I want those things too? Honestly I am not even asking for someone to ask about me, I just don’t want to always seem like the annoying one who cant stop talking, or texting the groupchat. But why do we always have to leave such insane gaps in our friendships? Especially now more than ever, considering there is distance between us.

I think we should all care more

My entire life I have struggled with true friendships, I have cycled through many friend groups and trios. Im sure somewhere in between the lines I was the problem. But I think the underlying issue is that I am in search of understanding, looking for it in places I probably wont find it.

I hope we can all learn to appreciate our friends more. I love my friends, and Im sure you do too, but even then I suggest we all call up our friends more.

Show that you care, show that you listen, because I think I speak for all of us when I say, it’s nice to have a friend.

As I continue to gain experience with life itself, I continuously lose many things in my life too. Just recently, I got into a car crash. Which certainly taught me many things about the insurance in my state, but it also helped me be more grounded with the things that are out of my control.

However, I would be lying if I said that I don’t often times think about all the alternate things that could have happened that night. What if I took 5 extra seconds to put on my shoe? Or maybe, what if I had been going faster, or slower? Things that never happened, yet I continue to let linger in my mind.

I find myself doing this with many things. Things I have long gotten over, yet I let take up space in my mind once in a while.

Why didn’t I just stand up for myself, why didn’t I just stay quiet? So many thoughts, scenarios, and decisions I could have made, that ultimately did not happen, and never will.

I tell myself that I can forgive, but I can never seem to forget. Forgive that person for what they said to me at that moment in time, but never forget their behavior. But honestly, I don’t think Im truly capable of doing both of those things, without the other.

I just don’t know if I can truly let it go.

Forgivness is fragile

I have never been a person who does “second chances.” Once I let you go the first time, I don’t let you come back. Of course, there have been exceptions to this rule. Because I won’t hold a grudge from elementary school, yet, I still don’t forget it.

I am however, a big believer that people can change. I won’t let you go if I see the good in you. If I see the change in you. Because I believe that support systems, and people who want you to grow, are the key to truly becoming a better person.

But, there will always be the person who won’t accept change, or won’t accept the person they can become. They push you away, they shut you out, and it ultimately leads to the end of that connection.

It is then, when we have the choice. Do we forgive this person for what they might have done or said, or do we choose to hold it against them, and realize that their behavior truly might never change?

I used to view forgiveness as a way to make excuses for someones bad behavior. A way for me to “cope.” But, as I grow older, I think it’s more of a way of accepting how someone is, and sometimes we cant help change that, because they don’t want to. And thats okay.

I forgive how you may act, I don’t like it, I don’t excuse it, yet I don’t have a grievance with the way someone wants to live their life. I just don’t want any part of it.

True forgiveness comes when we come to the realization that that moment has passed. That opportunity for something to change is long gone, and the decision for us to learn and let go is entirely in our hands. It is what we do with it, that truly paves the way for acceptance, and therefore, the action of “letting go.”

Are forgiving and forgetting mutually exclusive?

When I dig up my past in my head, I think about all the times I have forgiven someone. Sometimes it was during our connection, and other times it was years later when I chose to truly forgive someone for what they had done. Truly put the nail in the coffin.

But, if I still think about it today, and honestly sometimes it still gets a rise out of me, then how can I continue to forgive if by not forgetting it just makes it worse?

I think the simple answer is, forgiving and forgetting have to go hand it hand when it is something that continues to play a role in our lives. People can change, can grow, yet we shouldn’t forget how they used to be, because even the ugliest parts of someone can help them turn into the most beautiful version of themselves.

If it is something that is not coming back, and we don’t want it to, then we should all learn to let go of the pressure of that forgiveness. Because at the end of the day, if we forgive and let go, we can be freed from the pressure of the inconvenience that situation once brought us. The bad feelings, or that sour taste in our mouths when we even hear it get brought up.

Forget, forgive, but never suppress

The biggest takeaway I have learned when trying to find the distinction, or lack thereof, between forgiving and forgetting, is that you just have to let it happen.

I know one day, I will see something that reminds me of that time, that place, or that person, that could very well ruin my day. Yet, I have to feel all of those emotions completely, and let my brain evaluate them.

Don’t let it consume you, let it heal you. Let it show you that, you don’t miss it, you don’t need it, and you don’t have to go back. You can learn to let go, and forgive, without suppressing the emotions that come with it.

That’s the real beauty of being human, getting the privilege to feel everything so deeply. And that is something we should never forget.

I have always been someone who prides herself on listening and remembering things about others. Some say its just my attention to detail mixed with a little bit of perfectionism, but I think it’s because I genuinely think knowing the people around you, is the key to a fulfilling connection.

There is something very special about knowing and especially remembering things about those close to you. Apart from coming in handy around their birthdays, or the holidays, I think it actually can deepen your friendship, or your relationship with one another.

And this goes beyond the scope of simple things, like someones favorite color, or their favorite travel destination. I always try to remember the smaller, more important things. A story they might have told me, that left a significant impact on them. Or a special childhood memory that they look back on once in a while. It all matters to me.

This doesn’t mean that I only remember the juicy stuff, because I will certainly remember the way someone might light up when they hear their favorite song randomly, or how they might laugh at specific types of videos, ranging from cute dogs to instagram reels car crash footage? Weird but, definitely popular nowadays.

It just means that these things, have always been a part of me. No matter who I meet, I am immediately picking up on the things they love to do, listen to, or watch. I think it’s mostly because I am always looking for a connection, even if I know I will probably never see this person after this conversation. I want to make our short time together worthwhile.

In my long term friendships, it is common for me to bring up things they like. If I see a video of a little collectable trinket, I send it to my best friend. If I see a funny niche reference, I send it to my other friend. And so on. I am always looking for signs of the people I love everywhere around me. Because I know them.

But, as I detach myself from my personal standards, I find myself sometimes selfishly wanting the same back. I know, I shouldn’t expect it, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want it.

Is it selfish to want those things?

I often think about why I would expect the same sentiment back from others. It really seems all around selfish to me. Because isn’t doing a good deed for someone, never supposed to be the expectation for the other person? I know this, yet, I find myself wondering if anyone thinks about me how I think about them.

Some of my friends probably think about me when they see something I would like. I know this because they have told me. Yet sometimes I feel like even those closest to me don’t know me at all. This isn’t because of them. Trust me, I surround myself with the most wonderful friends and I would not trade them for the world. But this deep longing for mutual understanding leaves me wondering if maybe I’m the one who isn’t saying the whole story. It feels like i’m hiding something, yet I do nothing but show the world who I am.

I think part of this is because I went so long having friends that never actually knew me. It is only into early adulthood that I have completely flipped that script.

I have been through all kinds of friendships. And even in the ones you’d least expect, I found the tiniest form of understanding. I had a “best friend” for 12 years, yet I don’t think she ever truly understood me. No hate to her at all, she just never looked at me as her best friend, even though I surely did, and everyone knew that. She had 20 “best friends”, but to me, she was my only one. Once I realized not only did she not know me at all, she didn’t care to, and our friendship died out pretty fast as you can assume.

Before that, I hadn’t had a “best friend” in years. Someone that would prioritize me as much as I do them. I hadn’t had that since middle school. It’s lonely, to not be put on that same standard. To not have a single person where when they’re asked who their best friend is, your name is the first answer to that question.

And honestly, some might think that is selfish. But, I just think having that one person that truly understands you is what matters the most. A person that will stick with you through every social spiral, emotionally shattering life event, and every single lonely moment. Someone who will make an effort. Someone who knows you.

I now am starting to bring this concept back into my life, after not having it for so long. And I still suffer sometimes with dealing with the fact that maybe sometimes I’m the one who probably cares the most in some of my friendships, which is okay.

I just want a deep connection

I can’t talk about this subject without mentioning how much this has affected me in romantic relationships. Because frankly, the biggest impact it has had on me, has been with guys I have talked to.

I don’t think a man has ever truly tried to get to know me. I mean, I have never had a boyfriend so Im sure no man has had the interest to get to know me because, none of them care enough to even want to date me. So why bother?

But, that is exactly why that is something that matters so much to me. I just want someone who will want to listen to my endless ranting about the things I am so passionate about, and remember those things about me. Remember how passionate I am about politics, or dinosaurs, or how much I love chicken tenders. Or remember how much I hate frogs and tomatoes.

I want someone who will read what I write, and want to talk to me about what I say. I want someone who will talk to me, about anything and everything, because they know I love to talk. I want someone who knows how I like my coffee, especially how sweet I like it.

I just want someone to actually know me.

This is hard for me to find romantically, since I think its hard in this generation. I won’t just generalize men, I think everyone is so used to cycling through relationships, that we don’t even bother to truly know one another. That’s why we made excuses. Words like “situationship”, “delusionship”, “talking stage” to downplay the importance of knowing each other first.

If I could give anyone advice as they combat the difficulties of dating in this modern age, is to ask the difficult questions, listen to the long rants, and remember those moments. Because knowing someone, is a huge part of dating them in general. Let’s not forget that. Ever.

There will be a piece of you with me always

I have cycled through many friendships throughout my life, many long term, spanning over a decade, others merely years, or even months. Whether they were short and sweet, long and dreadful, or a continuous part of my life, they will always mean something to me. Because I once knew that person, and sometimes I like to think that they knew me too.

By reading this, you now actually know a lot about me. And hopefully, somewhere in your life, someone also, knows you too.

I often find myself circling around a “fact” I once heard. “The odds are, that by the time you are 18, you have already met the person who you will end up with.” A little scary, considering 18 years is not even a small portion of the long life ahead of me, but then when I look around, most people live up to that.

Most of the grown adults in my life had met their spouse in high school, either through acquaintances or just small encounters along the way, yet they found each other in the end. A phone call, a reunion, or just a small twist of fate brought them together again.

However, how will I know if I truly have met him yet, or if I am part of the small percentage that still needs to get out there and find my person? What if he came into my life, but I missed him entirely?

Was it a missed connection, or an overlooked opportunity? And how do I know how to fix it, or rather, find it again.

Fate? Or fiction?

Fate plays a big role in people’s lives, I sometimes wonder what “fate” might have in store for me. Im not sure if I have ever believed completely in…fate. Being raised Catholic my entire life, Im led to believe that God has a plan for me, but does this also tie into fate when it comes to meeting my person? Or maybe he didn’t include that part for me. Not cool.

I like the idea of fate, the idea that we are all born, and from that very moment, we are destined to be with one person, and one person only. Do I really believe in that though? Im honestly not sure.

Fate is tricky for me, because I want to think that every decision, every person I meet, or every move that I make is leading me one step closer to, my person. Yet, I have pretty much crossed the threshold where I should have met them, but, how do I even know? Should I be looking? Waiting?

It confuses me a bit, since everything about fate, and honestly dating confuses me a whole lot. Because, I could look at all the past crushes I have had, maybe its one of them? Or maybe its the random classmate I had 4 classes with one year, that will randomly hit me up to reminisce on the days when we had to do a group project with the worst group imaginable. Is that what will set my entire life into motion?

I am however, a firm believer that everything will work itself out. That somehow, some way, all the puzzle pieces will come together. Even if that means that finding my person isn’t in the cards for me. I also believe purpose and a fulfilling life doesn’t need to end with me sharing my life with someone else, but I do want it. Its just not guaranteed.

How will I know not to let it pass me by?

I don’t consider myself to be the most self aware when it comes to my potential “life altering” connections. Honestly, you don’t truly and whole heartedly know what you had until you lose it. But that does not mean I live my life blissfully ignorant to the obvious importance many people have in my life, it just means Im not entirely sure what exact role they played, until it has all played itself out. I appreciate them as they come, whole heartedly.

Im scared, in all honesty, of losing the right opportunity, the right person, the right time. Especially when I had it in my grasp, so tight it might have looked impossible to let go of, yet, I somehow did…let go. That possibility, terrifies me.

Its not so much regret as it is the thought of “what if.” Because, I don’t live with many regrets. But, I often do think of the possible outcomes. What if I had told him I wanted to be more than friends? Would we still be friends now? Would we have dated? Would I still be thinking about him in the back of my head sometimes even when I know I should be over it completely no matter what?

Quite the paradox right? That’s exactly why the fear of not knowing, sort of kills me on the inside. Since, I am a person who hates uncertainty. I have always prided myself on being able to make decisions, never doubtful, or overthinking any sort of question or action I have to do. I just do it, or pick it, based off of what I feel is right, for me.

But, what will I know, is truly right for me, If i’m not sure of it now? Will it somehow occur to me, will it happen slowly, has it yet to truly enter my life?

Scary, and truly truly terrifying I hate to admit. Because, I don’t know. Im actually completely uncertain. And I hate that it is something I will probably be uncertain of for a while.

Missed connection, or missed opportunity?

I find myself at odds with every possibility when it comes to fate, and who I will or won’t end up with. Since, you technically will never know if you don’t try. But, if I do try, how will I actually know?

I wish it wasn’t so difficult, and I wish I had a magic 8 ball that could answer all my questions. If I could, I would. But then again, where’s the fun in that? Don’t we all want it to be a pleasant surprise when the right person walks into our lives?

If there is one thing I’m certain of, is that I’m definitely uncertain about this. And I certainly hope I don’t or didn’t miss it when its been right in front of me this whole time.

I like to think that I am not a big overthinker. But in reality, I tend to not only overthink, but heavily overcomplicate many things in my life. One of those things in particular, is love. And I think I speak for many of us when I say that the idea of love, and being loved, seems extremely complicated.

In movies or books, the idea of falling in love seems simple in retrospect, but then you realize that there are hundreds of pages, or minutes and hours in between the beginning of a love story, to the end. If there is so much to say, it has to be complicated right?

When I watched Materialists this summer, I found it awfully perplexing how simple Chris Evan’s character, John, made love seem. When Dakota Johnson’s character, Lucy, asks him why he still loves her (despite her reasoning for breaking up with him being that he was broke), he responds with, “I just do. It’s the easiest thing.”

Love, being an emotion we have all felt or will feel at a certain point in our lives, can be easy, sure. But there is one thing I can guarantee. It will always be complicated. Just not hard. But also, easy?

Just because it’s complicated, doesn’t mean its hard.

I think many people get the idea of something being inherently complicated as being hard. Love being a huge example of this. That’s because, we can’t help it. When love walks into our lives, it just does. Plain and simple. How we go about this, and how we manage to reach our end goal, is complicated. And often confused with being hard.

Love, similarly to the hundreds of emotions we feel throughout our lives, comes as second nature to us. That’s why, I don’t like the idea of “complicated=hard”, because thats fundamentally not true when it comes to such a rare, and special emotion. Think about it this way, when you see something that makes you sad, you…are sad. Sometimes you get upset, or occasionally let out a tear or two, but our bodies just react the way they do because it just does. It’s like breathing.

But, that’s exactly what makes love so complicated. Love, is a complex emotion. Many times hitting us like a truck at sudden moments, or we grow into the emotion over time. Hard to explain, but not hard to feel.

When we love someone, fighting for them, showing up for them, loving them, is not hard. Like I said before, it is second nature. It actually just comes naturally, just as tears come out of our eyes when we’re sad, or just as a laugh comes out of our mouths when we find something funny.

The definition of “complicated” is as follows: “consisting of many interconnecting parts or elements; intricate.” Nowhere, in the very essence of the definition, does it say that something being complicated, is hard. Hard to understand, hard to follow, hard to love. That’s because it isn’t. And sometimes, it doesn’t even need to be understood. It can just be felt.

You can hear it (and feel it) in the silence

As we just learned, something being “complicated” is something that consists of many parts or elements, something intricate. The intricacies of love, can be found in so many different ways. In the way you remember your partners favorite song, their favorite food when they’re sick, the name of their childhood pet, or even their favorite movie to watch during their favorite season. And sometimes, its in the actions that portray intention. Which can truly be anything.

I recently saw this street interview, where a man stated that love was not complicated because the best parts of him and his girlfriends relationship were simple things like, having a good conversation, or just spending quality time together. But what I want to mention is that he says something important, he says that “the small, consistent things are what’s actually important to build a strong, real connection.” And I totally agree, but I also think this is why love is so complicated. Because it’s made up of many parts.

The parts when you’re sitting together at home, both doing your own thing, but sitting quietly in the comfort you feel around each other. Nothing needs to be said, but the love can be heard, felt, no matter what. But also, the parts when you both geek out over a movie you like or a topic you’re both so passionate about. And even the parts when you need to be apart, because even the people who help us grow, know that growth only happens when we have our own space to figure it out.

That is why love is complicated, because with all those factors, intricacies, elements, and parts all interconnecting, love still works. It shows up when things get difficult, it stays when things fall apart, and it helps rebuild when the time is right. The small parts are what make it whole. Complicated, but not hard.

Is love really that complicated?

Absolutely. Love is complicated because love is complex. It is complicated because it is real. Built out of so many interconnecting elements that make the entire feeling whole, and so worth it. That is what something being complicated is all about. That is what makes love so special.

I will say, I am a bit of an unreliable source when it comes to this. As, I have never actually been…in love. Im not sure if I will ever have the privilege of being loved by another person, but I see love around me consistently, and it makes me happy to know the art of loving one another is not lost. I hope that if I do ever fall in love, it is exactly, if not more, than what I hoped it would be.

Im not sure if i’m overthinking all of this, and maybe it is easy, or maybe it is hard? Or maybe super overrated?

I don’t know… It’s complicated.

I see many things glamorizing being “nonchalant” on my timeline. Mostly on tiktok, where being like this gives you, “aura” or some shit like that. But then, Im immediately countered by a post, glamorizing “yearning” as if its a new concept to us. Is the very idea of someone caring that crazy that it becomes a viral trend? Why are we so scared to uncover the part of ourselves that actually does care?

As much as we see yearning in our day to day scrolls as something to look up to, in the real world, we don’t even show it as much. Im guilty of erasing entire text messages because I deemed them too emotional, when in reality it was just me being passionate about something I care about, or someone I care about. Yet, I typed it out and I hit send anyway. Because deep down, I would rather have someone think I care too much than not care at all. However, many times, it hasn’t ended that way either.

Nowadays, the mystery that surrounds some people is more captivating than getting to know the true character of a person. People would rather not receive a text message for hours than get a reply with more than 3 sentences. I know, you’re probably denying it right now as you read this, but we have all at one point been infatuated with the question of the unknown. We would rather live in our own explanations, rather than ask for them straight up. “Hey, what really is going on between us?” not just reading in between the lines of a stale text message reply like, “type shit.”

In the modern epidemic of being “nonchalant”, I strive to be the person who cares a little extra about those I love. I want to hear about your day, the interview you were so excited for, the book you couldn’t put down, the cute barista you talked to, the sweet old lady who opened the door for you, and everything that made you stop and care. Because, caring is just the very essence of who we are. And yearning is engraved into our very being from the very beginning, its not just something that emerged from the deep depths of the internet space. Its time we restore the art of caring. The art and purity of being human.

Is it better to have loved and lost, or to have not loved at all?

There are many times when Im full of regret for caring about something too much. Cared about the wrong person, or the wrong situation. I feel everything so deeply. Every word someone has ever said to me, every book ive ever read, and every song thats ever meant something to me. It all stays with me, long after that presence has drifted from my life. But, as Ive grown older, I realize that every single thing that has meant something to me, has meant something to me because I cared. And I cared so much that I felt all of those emotions so deeply, and it left a mark on my brain, on my soul, and on the person I am today.

Friendships and relationships are a big part of caring. The very existence of these connections rely on caring for each other. In more ways than one. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, we care. However, there are times when even people who meant so much to us, eventually drift from our lives too. Very recently, I lost a friend who I was very close with for almost 12 years. The very first friend I made when I first moved to the United States too. She meant a lot to me as a friend, and even so as a sister. But, the changes we go through from ages 5 to 17 can really impact the way we grow. Differences develop, people change, and rifts begin to form.

Our friendship did not end in the way I would have liked it to. Our connection died screaming and fighting, in the worst way I could’ve imagined. Yes, we talked our fair share of crap about each other, as young teenage girls do. But as I reflect back on the countless years we spent together, I don’t regret a single thing. If I could go back and do it all again, I wouldn’t change a thing. Even today, If I had the opportunity to thank her for all that she taught me, I would. But its best to leave some things unsaid, even if it didn’t end the way we both wanted it to. Because, there was once a version of me who cared so much about this person, and I choose to cherish the good instead of tarnish it with the ugly.

To me, It is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all. Because, to have loved and gone through all the wonderful emotions that come with it, and then have the privilege of feeling the loss of something so heavy, shows to me that caring is all that matters. When we lose something, many times we don’t realize what we had until its gone. Its unfortunate, but a cruel irony so many of us face. When we lose something we love, we feel the loss so heavily because we cared. We cared about that overwhelming presence in our lives, and we cared about the magnitude of what that meant to us. Because yearning, and caring, are just the art of being human. The basic makings of our minds that overcome all emotions. The good, and the bad.

Stop suppressing the urge to care

When I look around me, so many people suppress the urge to care. They resist the urge to send that first text, or resist the urge to send someone a picture of something that reminded them of them. Why is it that when we want to show we’re thinking of someone when they’re not there, we hesitate so much to do so?

This comes down to the fundamental flaw in our current world. We have punished those who care too much, and have rewarded those who care too little. We see mystery and silence as a way to be infatuated with what could be, instead of learning to appreciate the wonders of knowing too much about what is. I would rather 10/10 times have someone yap to me about something they love for hours on end than have someone leave their entire personality up to interpretation.

We are not cartoon characters, we are people. People who care, who feel, who listen, who speak, and who know better than to prioritize theatric mystery over human connection. I believe we are so much smarter than the idea that we are people who fall into the trap that we are “too much” when we show that we care.

I yearn because I feel, I love because I care

As someone who is a self proclaimed, “yearner” in todays standards, I have no regrets in being someone who cares and has a desire to learn more about someone. Yes, I will be the person who reaches out to you asking about the very important thing you told me about a week ago. Because even if it wasn’t important, I would still care. The art of caring is within all of us, its just a matter of coming to terms with its importance.

I feel everything so deeply, and thats something I will never regret. No matter how “chalant” that might make me.

There are so many things humans are scared of that bring us together. Giant spiders, killer clowns, the dentist, or heights. Scary, but we learn to live amongst the existence of these things everyday. One day, you’ll have to visit the dentist, or kill a spider, or be in a very tall building. The killer clowns part, not so much. We know what happened in 2016. These things, apart from being very real, are commonly acknowledged as just a part of life. But an overlooked fear we have as humans is the fear of being alone. So, why don’t we live amongst the existence of this particular feeling? And why are we so scared?

Regardless of how independent someone might be, we are all scared to be alone. Too scared to come to terms with our environment, or lack thereof. This manifests itself in many different ways. Many people tend to overcompensate for their loneliness, and have a massive group of friends around them at all times. Others tend to continuously rotate through relationships, scared of being alone intimately. And others, latch on their families, too scared to be left alone to fend for themselves at all. This, all comes back to the root cause; we are all scared to be alone. But why?

Many of these issues can come from anywhere. Societal validation, romantic validation from a significant other, or family validation. We never want to seem like the “losers” with no friends, or relationship, or family. But, if we depend so much on the people around us, then when can we get to know ourselves? The real answer is, you cant truly know yourself until you overcome the need to be around others. Because the more you hang with other people, and the less you hang around yourself, you act like a social sponge, soaking up others personalities to make sure nobody leaves you. Because to you, your own presence is a stranger, and therefore, the scariest place you can be.

Exposure to the real world

Since childhood, we are exposed to new things completely alone. The moment your parents drop you off at pre-school, or when you first step foot onto a new playground. These experiences push us to make friends with those arounds us, make ourselves comfortable with our new environment, and ultimately give us character. But, the one thing it doesn’t teach us, is that its all temporary. One day, the playground wont be as busy, and one day, you’ll walk into a massive lecture hall in college where its virtually impossible to truly get to know everyone. One day, you will face things…alone.

A big part of growing up is learning that, nobody is going to come with you everywhere. If you need to go shopping, not every trip has to be a “girls trip”, if you’re hungry and want food, not every outing has to be a “dinner night.” Sometimes, the best company you can have, is yourself. Being able to tell yourself that that top looks cute on you, instead of having a friend there to tell you. Or ordering the food that you like without the fear of being judged by that one friend who hates pickles on their burger, or pineapple on their pizza (I am that judgemental friend oops). Its moments like these that are fundamental to our growth and journey into adulthood. Because when we get out of the environments where we are constantly surrounded by people, we learn that the next chapters of our lives are mostly spent, alone.

If you’re scared to do it, do it scared.

A big fear I had growing up and learning to do things by myself was, what would others think? Would I go to the supermarket and would people think, “she has nobody to go to the supermarket with.” Which sounds stupid when I think about it now, but even then, I still know people who can’t handle running errands by themselves.

I must preface, the lessons I have learned have not been by choice. The first time I had to come to terms with being alone was when I lost all my friends halfway through high school and I was depressed for weeks. I thought that I couldn’t leave my house unless I had a friend group to enjoy things. As weeks passed, I realized my youth would be slipped out from under me if I didn’t start doing things on my own accord. Thats when, little by little, I learned to sit with myself. At a coffee shop, at a park, at a bookstore, or at the mall. With this enlightenment, and being freshly 17, I booked a flight to New York City, the summer before my senior year. I was going to the busiest city in the world, alone. To truly cut out all sources of engagement with anyone I knew. This trip, that spanned all boroughs and 2 weeks, taught me that even though New York City is packed with thousands of people, you still see people alone, and happy. Thats when I knew the safest place I could be was with myself, even while being surrounded by millions of people. I could have cried my eyes out on the side of those streets and thousands would walk past me, because sometimes, we have to face battles on our own. And the people who lived there, knew that. They had lived it, as we will all have to one day.

Learn to be okay with being left out

A popular pairing to the fear of being alone, is the fear of missing out. Also known as FOMO. This epidemic, of people forcing themselves to do things because they see others doing it, is just as harmful as the feeling of being left out. I see so many people in my day to day life purposely putting themselves in situations they don’t want to be in, just because they don’t want to be alone.

If you know you don’t like parties, and you prefer to stay in and watch a movie, then why pay the $30 to go to a club with your friends? If you know you’re not a runner, and you actually hate running, then why force yourself to go to a run club with your friends? Nobody is saying to not join clubs or want to meet people, Im saying to do it by doing what you love. Instead of the club, go to the movies and watch the movie you want to watch, by yourself. Instead of joining the run club, join a photography club, by yourself. This all goes back to my analogy of being a “social sponge.” You cannot absorb everyones interests at the cost of your passion and enjoyment.

I have feared missing out on so many things, but I quickly learned, I didn’t want to be there anyway. If the whole time Im just going to be thinking about being somewhere else, why be there at all? If you know yourself well enough to know you don’t want to actually go, then you’ll be content with staying, and doing something you actually want to do. Spend your time doing what you love, because the time you do have, you don’t want to waste.

Me, myself, and I

As I reflect on the lonely times behind me, I cant help but think about the even lonelier times that lie ahead of me. I have now entered the final boss of this test, which is college. But I now know that, the experiences I have had, partially due to bad social decisions in high school, and some due to exposure therapy, have prepared me for this very moment. But even these lessons, will pass. I will soon encounter even more difficult stages of life, where being alone is the last thing I want to do, but it will be something I have to face, alone.

I love my friends, my family, and I know I will love the person I eventually end up with. But there is probably nothing I love more than learning things about myself. Because when it’s all said and done, the only person that can know you better than anyone else…is yourself. And the only way we can get to know ourselves is to do it alone.

Yes, Im scared to do it, but I will do it scared.

As many young women do when they sense a slight crisp in the air and notice the subtle change in the color of leaves, we rewatch the iconic movie, When Harry Met Sally. A captivating story about the beauty of the foundation of friendship in a relationship, and the struggles between growing adults in the chaotic New York City dating scene. For Harry and Sally to finally date, it really only took them 12 years and 3 months of course, but they got there. As Ive gotten older though, I stray more and more away from the narrative of this movie; men and women cant be friends.

During the first act of the movie, Harry and Sally are in a car together, where Harry explains to her that men and women can never be friends, because the obvious factor, sex, always gets in the way. This conversation, apart from being an obvious prediction to the outcome of the movie, sets the tone for how Sally approaches her friendship with Harry. However, Sally tries to refute this with the obvious existence of her own male friends, which are platonic. Harry of course, clouded by his own judgement and weird belief, tries to shut this down saying, “They all want to have sex with you.” Really? Are we supposed to believe that every man who wants to get to know us platonically ultimately just wants to have sex with us? Sorry but, thats just not true.

Theres so much more intimacy in getting to know one another, even if it is platonic or romantic. I believe men and women are more than capable of developing real friendships apart from blatant lust. Its about connection, not physical, but mental understanding that you really only find when someone sees you as a friend at first, or at all. The purest form of friendship comes from this.

As the movie draws to a close with the third and final act, we the viewers, are ultimately led to believe that men and women really cant be friends. I mean who can forget the iconic new years scene when Harry finally confesses his feelings for Sally? Ive been waiting 2 hours for this! But really, this draws a grim picture for our reality as women; we will never have platonic friendships with men. However, I simply believe thats fundamentally a false belief.

The “friends to lovers” trope

With the abundance of "“BookTok” videos I see on my FYP constantly, I tend to notice patterns with the target audience of new releases. Sometimes its enemies to lovers, sometimes its second chance, but it always comes back to the good ol’ friends to lovers trope. The idea that, a boy and a girl, are in love, but really only in the silence of the words they wish they could say to each other. Since most of the time, they are just really good buds! Everyone around them knows, yet for 250 pages, they have no idea. Finally, a dramatic love confession, and everything is right where its meant to be. At last, the prolonged eye contact, the remembrance of small details about each other, and the obvious “let me help you get with your crush but then i realize im in love with you” trope leads us to the conclusion that, the person they were searching for all this time was right in front of them.

Apart from being complete fiction, the actual possibility of this happening in real life becomes less and less every day. Just a few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with my friends when one of them said, “the friends to lovers method has definitely been patched”. “Patched” in this case, meaning that the universe doesn’t allow this to happen as often anymore. It was easy to say that, since we were sitting in a coffee shop, as a completely platonic friend group of 2 guys and 3 girls, and none of us are secretly in love with each other. One of the guys, who has been my friend for almost 8 years, and the other guy in our group, who Ive had the displeasure of knowing for a couple of months (all jokes), agreed with this sentiment. The “friends to lovers” trope had truly been, “patched”, after all. Since, here we were, just friends, all sharing a drink together.

Us as a group was living proof that men and women could be friends just fine. Platonic connection, mutual understanding, and good conversations amongst friends. Thats all it would be.

The importance (and existence) of real male friendships

All my life, I have had the luck of having a 100% success rate with my male friendships. Not a single guy friend of mine has ever confessed his undying love for me, or any guy for that matter. I used to believe this was due to my lack in the looks department, as I am neither a “Miami 10” or a “New York 8”, whatever the hell that means. But, apart from being “chopped and unc”, I had the privilege and the misfortune of growing up surrounded by men. As the only girl in my family, I was able to learn the basic fundamentals of what makes a man…a man. This transcended into my friendships with men, since I understand their brains much more than a girl who grew up with an abundance of women around them (consider yourselves lucky). This might make me the target of many “pick me” scandals, but truly, men can be very useful when they are thinking with their brains. Having real, platonic male friendships, I hate to admit, is one of the best things that I think has ever happened to me. Someone to call on when I need to know what I did to get left on delivered for 10 hours, or someone to actually tell me if a guy is into me or not. A bridge between two worlds that seem so different, but really are much more similar than you think.

Nobody is saying to be surrounded by men, truly, I don’t recommend it. Since, we all know female friendships are what truly nourish the soul. But, I am saying, don’t be afraid to make friendships with men, because those can be just as important. My closest friends are women, and always will be. But once in a while, I like to know that someone on the other team is looking out for me, platonically. And Im doing the same for them, also platonically.

I should add, I am not innocent in all of this. I myself have fallen victim to developing feelings for one of my guy friends in the past. Based off the fact that you already know no man has ever confessed his feelings for me, you can deduct that this has not ended well for me. Its the worst. Having to be around a guy and just pretend you’re friends with him and don’t want anything more? Awful. But, at the end of all of this, Ive learned that the safest place you can be with someone is just friends. A platonic connection that overcomes the temptations of lust, a friendship that tells you the harsh truths no matter what, and an understanding that, this is just how its meant to be.

If not friends first, then how?

I still believe the whole “friends to lovers” trope is possible. Many people can go years without noticing that the person they talk to everyday is the person for them all along. I am actually a firm believer that friendship is the best foundation for a relationship, I could really only wish that for myself as well. I just don’t believe that every friendship is the foundation for a relationship. Especially between men and women. Sometimes, its best to leave it as it is, a platonic exchange between two people.

For me, friends to lovers has never worked. But what has worked, is my friendships with men. Really well actually. And I cherish those I have deeply. And I suggest women go out and find themselves a platonic male friendship that have their best interest at heart. You never know when you need someone to come help you move a giant fridge into your apartment. Seriously.

One day I hope we stop selling the idea that men and women cant be friends, im a living example that it can work! But how funny would it be if the person I end up with turns out to be one of my guy friends? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see if the method is truly, “patched.”