Greetings my dear readers! I am sure you all have heard this phrase atleast once in your life before. So be it your parents, teachers, siblings or even your own peers. Now unlike most of the people who do hear this phrase and tend to ignore it, I decided to think about it.Rationally. “Kisko dikhana hai mujhe exactly?, Kisko impress krna hai”. And every single time i pondered over this question, I got a different answer for myself.

the first time i asked myself this question. “kisko dikhana hai bahar?”

I remember asking myself this question for the very first time in grade seven. At the time I so wanted to deny the fact that I actually was trying to impress someone or some people. But as time passed, I slowly started questioning…

Am i seriously going to lie to myself even in this matter?

It often happens that we tend to lie to ourselves or atleast believe in something, anything at all which could give us reassurance and ground us. Like an anchor to support us when we are in a dilemma. Just like Caius Cassius, a character from the play “Julius Caesar” a tragedy written by William Shakespere, starts believing in literally the things(omens) he so not believed at all ever in his life previously, just because he was doubtful and uncertain. Anyways enough of all that literature anologies. The point I am trying to make here is that, people tend to lie to themselves just so they could rest their conscience.

And so I finally decided to be honest to myself. Who was I trying to impress? And back then the answer I got was, the so called “cool kids” of my society. Trying and failing to dress like them, speak like them and be like them. “Mujhe bahar unhe dikhana tha.”

the second time I asked myself this question.”kisko dikhana hai bahar?”

The second time I asked myself this question, I was able to find the answer very easily. I wanted to impress my crush (yes Rasgulla). Every single evening I would wash my face with my cleanser, apply all sorts of moisturizers I could possibly find that time, even though most of them did not even suit my skin. Drag the surma wand across my waterline creating the most perfect smudged streak. Fill the corner of my eyes with eye liner and over line my lips with a lip liner. Curl my hair perfectly just for him because I had heard somewhere he loved curly hair. Put on my best clothes on the days I would be sure he would come down so that he could finally see me all dolled up just for him.

“Mujhe bahar usse dikhana tha.”

the third time I asked myself this question.“kisko dikhana hai bahar?”

The third time I asked myself this question, I found myself sitting on my table surrounded by books and research material. I wanted to impress my teachers. I wanted to show them, that even someone like me can achieve some or the other thing atleast. I would try to learn as many as new things as possible. Biogenetics, Quantum tunneling, Waves, organic chemistry, calculas. You name it!

Being part of the student council for three years, I would also try to help these teachers in every way possible. Well most of the teachers did take me for granted in this matter but that is a story for some other day.

“Mujhe bahar ab inhe impress krna tha”

But honestly, this is not even the real question. The real question is whether trying to impress someone is a bad thing?

Does me trying to impress someone make me a whore?

Even before I hit puberty, I was slut shamed for the slightest thing I did differently. So be it me trying to wear more trending clothes or so they call it here in my house “fashion waale kapde” or whether I would try a new makeup style. As a tween I never questioned the authority of the female matriarch in my house. Rather I myself had started getting influenced by her thoughts! Like slut shaming other girls for dressing up modernly or hanging out too much with the boys. I was taught that these all were the virtues of a whore, and not of a “decent simple sophisticated girl.”

But as I grew older I was finally able to view the broader picture behind this so called “whore”. And I am so grateful that I was able to view the real story behind this facade of “decency and sophisticatedness”.

Because ladies and gentlemen out there beliving that the “modern way of thinking” and the “GENZ trend” has made all the girls and women whores, then I hate to break it to you all that it is NOT the real issue.

Let me introduce you all to a new term “INTERNALIZED PATRIARCHY” or if some may call it, Internalized sexism.

Cartoon published by Women Patriot corporation, an American women's organization against women's suffrage

Internalized sexism is a form of sexist behavior and attitudes enacted by women toward themselves or other women and girls. It is a form of internalized oppression which “consists of oppressive practices that continue to make the rounds even when members of the oppressor group are not present.”

And hence statements like “ladkiyon ko itne jor se hasna nahi chahiye” “dekho abhi mard jaat to hote hi hai ese tumhe bas shaant rehna sikhna chahiye” “ Ghar ki baat ghar mei hi rehni chahiye!” “Chote kapde pehenne ka kya shok hai tumhe? kisko dikhana hai bahar?”are often heard by most of us. But one wonders, where did this exactly start from, or it it inborne?

Where did it all begin from? or our women truly just whores by nature?

Internalized sexism, fueled by misogyny, occurs when women adopt learned sexist behaviors towards themselves and other women. Historically, the gender binary has facilitated oppression by delineating cultural constructs as inherent male and female characteristics, thereby justifying hierarchical relationships as natural and establishing regulations that disapprove of or punish deviations from these socially constructed norms . According to Wittig, the social categories of male and female merely serve to conceal the reality that social differences are always intertwined with political, economic, and ideological structures.

It is also crucial to recognize that gender beliefs and stereotypes may vary across cultures and historical periods, but they consistently align with the prevailing cultural norms . As argued by Bleier, the concept of female nature, encompassing qualities such as nurturing, passivity, dependence, weakness, intuition, lack of intellectual capacity, and obligatory heterosexuality, serves to ensure women’s adherence to the roles and functions assigned to them within the patriarchal order. Recent research, exemplified by Cerbara et al has provided evidence that gender stereotypes are pervasive and can already be observed among young children. The study, which involved children aged 8-11, demonstrated that even at a young age, children internalize gender roles and develop their gender identity in accordance with societal expectations. They passively accept gender stereotypes that portray women as less competent and independent, while presenting men as lacking sensitivity and expressiveness.

In the patriarchal social order, masculinity is related to power, superiority, and high status, while femininity is related to a weaker social position, with a lack of political, social, and economic power, resulting in exposure to discrimination and oppression of women

Misogyny, defined as the deep-seated aversion or hostility towards women, operates as a cultural practice deeply entrenched within societal structures. It serves as a powerful tool for the maintenance and reinforcement of patriarchal power dynamics. Misogyny plays a crucial role in upholding the power of the dominant male group by perpetuating the oppression and subordination of women. This systemic devaluation of women within society enables the hegemonic patriarchal system to not only maintain its existing power but also to continuously expand and strengthen its influence (Worell & Remer, 1996). Through various mechanisms misogyny reinforces the notion of male superiority while marginalizing and disempowering women. Consequently, women are often relegated to subordinate roles and denied access to resources, opportunities, and decision-making processes, thereby perpetuating a hierarchical social order that privileges the interests and perspectives of men.

During the Medieval period, misogynistic ideas became increasingly established through literature, religious teachings and prevailing social beliefs. Many medieval writings, particularly those influenced by Western traditions, depicted women in a predominantly negative light, associating them with evil, darkness, impurity, imperfection, lust, dishonesty, illness and the downfall of men (Caballé, 2019). Religious narratives further reinforced these perceptions, particularly the biblical account of Eve’s Original Sin, which was frequently interpreted as placing the blame for humanity’s suffering on women. Given the Bible’s considerable influence over medieval society, such interpretations contributed significantly to the acceptance and reinforcement of misogynistic attitudes (Bosch et al., 1999). This perception of female inferiority was not limited to the Medieval period; it persisted throughout Western intellectual history, with influential thinkers ranging from Aristotle to Freud advancing ideas that positioned women as inferior to men in various respects (Bosch et al., 1999). These assumptions were subsequently used to legitimise the restrictions, subordination and control imposed upon women. Furthermore, such prejudices gradually found their way into the foundations of modern scientific thought, where socially constructed differences between men and women were often presented as natural or biological truths, thereby giving an appearance of legitimacy to women’s unequal position in society.

And hence misogny when even nurtured by women, conceives a more toxic and disturbing environment for all the females in the world.

“Ek haath se kabhi taali nhi bajti, jitni galti rape mei ek mard ki hai utni hi galti wo auraat ki bhi hai”

This is something I have heard from numerous women in India, a perfect example of what is conceived when internalized sexism or patriarchy is nurtured. Now, you all might wonder, how did i suddenly start talking about rape from sexism and misogny?. This is because rape is the product of misogny sexism and patriarchy.

(1) Asha Mirge of the provincial Nationalist Congress Party (NCP) and member of the Maharashtra State Women’s Commission said, “rapes take place also because of a woman’s clothes, her behaviour and her being at inappropriate places,” This was her statement on the 2012 Nirbhaya gang rape case and The Shakti Mills Rape case.

(2) Meena Kumari, a member of the Uttar Pradesh Women’s Commission, made controversial remarks about increasing sexual violence against women.

In response to a question about increasing rape cases and the state’s plans to reduce crime against women, commission member Meena Kumari told reporters “girls should not be given mobile phones” because they “talk with boys and later run away with them”.

She also called for round-the-clock policing of young women.

“I appeal to parents not to give mobile phones to daughters... if they do, phones should be checked regularly. All this (crime against women) is due to negligence by mothers,” she told reporters.

“We, as parents and society, have to put a check on our daughters... always see where they are going, and which boys they are sitting with. We have to check their mobile phones... girls will keep talking on their phone and then they elope,” she said.

Upon receiving backlash she very slyly changed her own words from “girls” to “children”.

“My statement has been misinterpreted. What I said was that parents should check whether their children are using mobile phones for studies or other purposes. I never said that if girls use phones they will run away with boys,” she was quoted by news agency ANI.

(3) The Supreme Court of India heard a case in which a woman alleged that a relative had sexually assaulted her in her matrimonial home.

Supreme Court: In a case where a relative committed rape on the prosecuterix and none of the family members believed her and in fact beat her up when she narrated the incident, the bench of MR Shah and Sanjiv Khanna, found it unfortunate that even the sister-in-law (Jethani) and mother-in-law though being women did not support the prosecutrix. The Court said,

“Being women at least the sister-in-law and mother-in-law ought to have supported the prosecutrix, rather than beating her and not believing the prosecutrix.”

I am sure that all these examples are more than enough for me to prove my point. WOMEN ARE VICTIM BLAMING WOMEN, WOMEN ARE OPPRESSING OTHER WOMEN THEMSELVES??!! This is disturbing to so many lengths!

So, now that we have addressed internalized patriarchy and misogny, I would want you all to sit back and think for a moment…

“kisko dikhana hai bahar?” But is it really a bad thing to try and impress someone?

Teenagers and young adults are at their ripe age of life. And by which I also mean that their body is constantly telling them to “MAKE KIDS, HAVE SEX” (I am sorry i had no other better way to put this). Adolescence is the time of your life when your hormones are going all crazy, your body is trying to adapt to all of these new hormones all of sudden being secreted in you system. Not only this, but this is also the time when your hormones are at their peak. Therefore like I said previously, your body is quite literally begging you to start making kids.

This is frankly speaking so normal, humans arent the only animals experiencing this. From birds to lions, literally every single animal comes to a point in their life where their body starts demanding them to make kids. Now this is completely normal as this is the only way to continue any particular species of animals.

In order to reproduce, an animal needs to find itself a mate. And lets all take a wild guess, how are they going to try to find a mate?!?! By trying to impress the other gender so that they make a family with them.

Male birds trying to impress female birds be like.

And hence, trying to impress someone isnt a bad thing at all. Rather, it is the most natural and beautiful thing to exist which is given to us by nature.

And so…

The next time you hear some one say, “kisko dikhana hai bahar?”. Remember that trying to impress someone isnt a bad thing, it doesnt make you a whore or a slut, and it so not makes you more prone to rape(yes this is smthg i have been told my entire, that trying to impress someone make you more prone to rape).

Because it would simply be ignorance to deny the most natural virtue of impressing or “bahar logo ko dikhana”. As this is the most humane, any human can get.

Let us all accept our reality.

Thank you!

We will refer to him as “Rasgulla”. Yes i do have a code word for him as usual and yes the code word is my favourite sweet. So, Rasgulla this is for you…

I have liked you for four years now. Initially even i thought tht this all is just attraction, the present says otherwise. Tbh when i first started liking you , i was just an ugly pre teen, its kind of funny but i saw you riding the cycle without using both of your hands and i thought “haaaa… he is so dreamy”. But i didnt have “love at first sight”. I had love at second sight. You were playing football with all of ur cool frnds and u shot the ball with all your might and force tht it came flying towards me, towards my head. I am sure if i hadnt jerked my head a few cm bck tht day i wouldnt hv been alive. Although u shooting tht ball with so much force was dangerous, young me found it attractive.

A small gist of wht i did afterwards. Tried to fit in the cool kids grp by first dressing up nice and all. It didnt work as i m perpetually ugly. And so i did smthg no sane person would ever do , i made a “bsf” from ur frnd grp to fit in , used her to try to get to u , unfortunately tht “bsf” was already dating you. [P.S. Tht bsf of mine now is my actual bsf i was a pre teen at the time i did this and i regret this alot, i have talked abt this to her asw and she understands me. Now she is someone i cant live without] Upon realising my mistake and the fact tht u liked her, i gv up and tried to make up by patching u guys again when yall had a brk up. But then you unknowingly cheated on her u bastard. [he basically had cheated on someone else with her but this is a story for a diff day] Frnd grp wasnt really great after this.

Years past we are a bit mature now nd the frnd grp is less unhealthy now, but unfortunately whtever i felt for you was still unhealthy enough. I changed my personality , my grades and how smart i m, my way of speaking, my fashion sense, my hair style , MY EVERYTHING FOR YOU. You didnt notice me.

So i changed even more drastically the next year. And..funny enough people started calling me pretty instead of black , they called me smart instead of dumb now. I was kind of the center of attention now, i got pretty privilege asw. But no one ever saw behind all tht eyeliner and mascara, and perhaps …neither did u.

Before me being pretty you used to bully me for how i looked and how i dressed and how i looked (did i say look twice?) and how i spoke. Bullied me for my religion for me talking abt science all the time , all this because i didnt fit in the the toxic preconceived notion set for beauty standards. But all of a sudden now u did , because i was pretty? Well thts a good thing then , u r noticing me and u think i m pretty now.

We talked late at night, every night for months. You even called my pretty. U FLIRTED WITH ME FOR GODSAKE DAMNIT! but why are u dating someone else now as if u have known them forever, u have just known her for 10 months. YOU HAVE KNOWN ME FOR 5 years! Rasgulla, why did u do this to me.

We first fought this year when you started ghosting me bcuz u got a gf, i respected tht. i set my boundaries . I didnt call u at night. but wdym “fuck off” just bcuz i called u to come hangout with not me alone but our entire frnd grp? was i just a free bihh to suhh ur dihh for the time being? We had more fights and u said u thought i liked you cuz i was nice to u. I M NICE TO EVERYONE DAMNIT! The final line was our biggest offline fight. U were yelling at me so loudly ,and then all of a sudden, u would become silent , this continued in a series , a psychotic series. U were so close to me when u were yelling at me and when i jokingly said tht i might slap you, u said u would brk my hand.You scare me, you remind me of my father…when u promised me i could always confide in you…

Yet i m still waiting,

idk why but ig i m still waiting. Because you are a dream to me…

Gbye :)

P.S. :- 23.09.2026 i think i have gotten over him now i hope i m , i dnt think i like him anymore

Whenever these sort of sessions are being conducted in the premises they are strictly only conducted for all the female students of the school. My dear readers if you have gone through the attached pdf or if you haven’t its completely alright, but I would like you to all to notice the fact that through out the pdf the mention of the victims are suggested through a single generic term “child” not a female child , not a male child , but just a “child”.

If this is the case then why are the sessions strictly just for the female students? Does the judiciary think that males are never victims? That they are always the “Prime suspect” and never the victim? Or has the government victimized the females before even hearing the entire story? This is absurd.

Another thing I would like to talk about is the kind of workshops these people conduct. From my own experience I would “love” to share some of the “amazing techniques” taught to us, “damsels in distress”. The fellow female officer told us that if ever faced in a situation where you are cornered by a man we should simply push him on his chest with our palms. Now this was such an amazing advice that I surely had to try it out! And so I did perform this life saving trick on one of my male friends who is , yes quite lean, but he is 6ft. and dear readers I hate to break it to you all , but my friend didn’t even budge.

I mean at least provide with some useful tricks. Further when I for one having common sense in that room questioned the officer, she started diverting the topic and even suggested that us females should not go out alone even in broad day light and not wear promiscuous clothes. Are we seriously sexualising minors here? I ask everyone reading this, is this the mindset of the judiciary of our country? If so, it breaks my heart to imagine the more corrupted version of thoughts of the so called higher ups. What hurt me the most was that even the officer was a woman.

When I questioned whether a same session would be conducted for the boys, they said yes to my face but then again there was never a session conducted for the boys ever.

In conclusion I would like to remind you all that a victim is never a “he” or “she” but always the “victim” even in the eyes of the laws. And that instead of focusing on what he or she is wearing we should focus on what he or she is thinking.

Thank you!!!