Here’s What You’ll Find Inside This Post:

• The January Test that saves you from a pile of spring donations

• Dino lovers, unicorn princesses, truck kids: how to build on what they love

• Think like a collector, not a consumer

• One “wow” + open-ended support. Get the squeal AND the kid playing on a rainy Tuesday in February

• Toy picks by age and play preference, 1 to 8 (teens and tweens still coming)

• The one-line text that gets your partner shopping too

This isn’t just about presents. Play is their childhood. It is how kids make sense of their world, try on new ideas, and work out the complicated things. My guides are designed to help you choose toys and materials that last past the excitement of the unboxing, while still having the wow moment at the holidays.

The gift guides are here.

They are not a list of what’s trending.
Not a bunch of “must-haves.”
You won’t find beauty kits for five year old girls or AI powered teddy bears for toddlers. If those are your jam, this isn’t the list for you, and mom to mom, I’d rather tell you now than waste your time.

These are the toys I know get played with.
By my kids. In classrooms. By the families I work with and the people who’ve been here a long time.

I pulled these together the same way I always do:
Slowly. Carefully. With your kids in mind.

If you’re looking for gifts that get played with, not just opened,
you’ll find them here.

I hope you enjoy shopping these guides as much as I’ve loved creating them for you. You have no idea how I fill with joy every time you send me a picture of your kids playing and a message telling me how much they are loving my picks.

Every year, Nov. 1st comes and it’s like a mad dash to win the “mom who nailed the holidays” award. And even though I know there isn’t one, I want you to know that I feel the pressure too. I want my kids to be wowed, and I too, want to feel like I won the holidays. Let’s pause, back up, and…

Start with What Your Kids Already Love

Instead of hunting for something totally new, build on what’s already working. Don’t search “hottest toys for four-year-olds,” because by mid-January, you will probably end up with a pile of dusty toys destined for the landfill, maybe with a pitstop at the thrift store. And if you are anything like me, you will be totally triggered the second the say they’re bored because you just spent 8 gazillion dollars on toys that aren’t getting played with.

Instead, think about what your child already loves, and build from there.

Do you have a dinosaur lover?

They love their dinosaur figurines and carry them from preschool to dance class and into bed with them at night. Start there and build. More dinosaur figurines (these are my favorite), playdough for pairing with the dinosaurs, and some blocks for building a dinosaur habitat, or more magnetic tiles paired with some magnetic dinos for creating dinosaur worlds.

But Lizzie, what if dinosaurs are just a phase? Now I have a whole playroom full of dinosaur paraphernalia and my child has moved on to trucks…

You are talking to the right person.

When you pad your child’s current interests with open-ended materials like playdough, blocks, and magnetic tiles, you won’t be left with a toy graveyard when the dino phase is done because your open-ended toys are ready for the next phase.

Unicorn princesses? Done. Now the playdough, blocks, and tiles are raw material for building the backdrop for unicorn princess play.

If instead, you had chosen the hot dinosaur light-up volcano recommended in the top toys for kids 2026, then, when the dinosaur phase was over, you’d have yourself some very expensive landfill material and a whole pile of guilt for getting rid of the toys you spent a fortune on.

If your kid loves magnetic tiles, get more tiles (Here’s my curated list) and add some tailored accessories.

If your child is intrigued by cars (here’s my list for them), skip the big light-up parking garage that will take up a ton of space when the phase is over, and instead, invest in some blocks and roads to build the garage. Later these same toys will sub in for your child’s newfound love of construction sites.

Do you see where I am going with this?

Invest in open-ended toys that support your child’s current (and future) interests, play styles, and temperament. If they’re into blocks, dolls, loose parts, trucks, dress-up, keep the play going by adding depth, not clutter.

Think Like a Collector, Not a Consumer

One of the best things we did when my own kids were little was ask grandparents, aunts, and uncles to chip in for a family set of magnetic tiles. (Paid subs, I have a post on my favorite group gifts and why coming next week!) Instead of three separate little gifts, we got one large collection of tiles that all three kids played with for years.

My thirteen year old was three when we started asking for magnetic tile collections, and she still builds almost daily with the set of magnetic tiles that has grown exponentially. (Wanna know how to get your kids playing with magnetic tiles? This post is for you.)

But Lizzie, we already have magnetic tiles, and I want my child to squeal of excitement when they rip open their gifts. I get that. I really do. Gifting is my love language, and I am obsessed with the look on someone’s face when you nail the gift.

You can have both.

The Trick is the Right Amount of “New”

I know you want the WOW moment, and play that lasts because.. same.

But the real magic is what happens later, when your kids are deep in play on a random cold and rainy Tuesday in February. When they race home from school, eager to continue the building they started yesterday, instead of vegging on the couch in front of the iPad.

The best holiday gifts are familiar enough to dive into immediately, but novel enough to feel special. This is why “building on what they already love” isn’t boring. It’s the sweet spot for sustainable excitement. It is the way to show your child, I see you. I understand your interests, creativity, and how you love to play.

Still not there? Give Yourself Permission: One “Wow” + Open-Ended Support

You don’t have to choose between the magic of the moment and play that lasts. Get one “wow” toy and surround it with open-ended support.

The new doll that they’ve been begging for is the wow, but the hollow blocks and play silks are what keep the doll play growing long after it becomes just another messy haired, shoeless girl tossed haphazardly in the toy bin. The blocks build a simple doll bed at three, but at six they’ll use them to make complicated bunk beds, complete with play silk blankets and entire bedrooms for their dolls.

The new play kitchen is the wow, but the wooden loose parts, and the acrylic rainbow cubes keep them playing with it long past the period that they grow out of plastic play foods. The play silks become a waitress apron and the art supplies are used to make menus and take orders.

The new shiny garbage truck is the wow, but the rubber roads will keep them playing when they take them in the bath, to the beach and outside in the snow. The newest hot wheels are the wow but the unit blocks and road signs are what keeps them building cities and towns for those cars.

Try the January Test

Picture this: It’s January 15th. The holiday chaos is over. The newness has worn off. Your kid is playing on the floor. Without you. Without a screen.

Dig deep on this. Your instinct matters and you know your child best.

Which toy is still exciting when the wrapping paper is recycled and life returns to normal? That’s a toy worth buying. If you can’t picture it surviving past New Year’s, it’s probably a pass, no matter how much they beg for it in November.

Last thing before I drop my curated lists? Don’t Fall for the Panic Push. You don’t need to buy twelve things because they’re on sale for four more hours.

I am the queen of last minute, “throw it in my cart in case I don’t have enough” kind of shopping. I do it when I am hosting a team dinner, getting gifts for my kids, hell, I even do it when I am ordering underwear. You know what I am talking about, right?

Thankfully, my husband is always nearby, steering me back to reality. Please don’t buy more stuff “just in case,” and, “Lizzie, you have more than enough. Leave well enough alone.”

And annoyingly? He’s never been wrong on that.

Not only will you regret overbuying when the bills come due, but you won’t have room for it all, and most of it will land in the donation bin. Or worse, in your child’s room and playroom, making it too overwhelming for them to start playing. Just… don’t do it.

Play is their childhood. It is how they make sense of their world, try on new ideas, and work out the complicated things. Invest in toys and materials that support them in becoming themselves.

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Can I ask a favor?

Some of the best reccs in these guides come from this community that we’ve been building for over ten years.

When you DM or email me about the toys your kids have loved, how they’ve played with them, how they’ve held up, who you’ve passed them down to…. it helps everyone. Don’t be shy. I love getting those messages, and they’re one of the most valuable ways we help this community make informed, confident choices.

One more ask from your favorite Substacker… forward this post to your friends, and share my guides with your group chat.

The full guides are HERE, broken down by age and interest. Tweens and Teens coming! Scroll, shop, save, get inspired, and let me know what you love.

x. Lizzie

P.S. Want some help from your partner this season?

Forward this to your partner, because moms aren’t the only ones who can buy your child’s holiday gifts. If your partner says, “But you are better at it than I am,” This guide is the cheat sheet they need to get busy. You deserve to enjoy the season too.

“Found the perfect guide for us. Let’s split up the list and both enjoy picking out gifts this year!”

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Making the school commute feel more manageable

My youngest started at a new school year. It was a long time coming, and we needed this change. One of the tricky parts has been navigating the long commute. We drive through Salem, MA, and if you live here, you know Halloween causes insane traffic for the entire month of October. It’s bumper to bumper and you never know if it’ll be quick or you’ll sit there for ages. There’s a traffic light that I always get stopped at, where there are always groupings of homeless men and women asking for change or food. And each week, I frantically search my middle console, and come up empty.

Last week, I finally did something about it. I pulled out ten 2-gallon ziplock bags, and in each one I put a few things that might brighten their day (and mine when I passed them out the window). I put a few salty snacks, a few sweet snacks, two cans of water, some electrolyte packets, and some towelettes. I put all the bags in a big shopping tote on my front seat. And each time I got stopped in traffic, I looked for someone to hand a bag to. Was it heroic? Not in the least. But it was a very low lift way to give back while also making the long traffic-y drive feel good.

An obvious solve that made an impact

These hard shelled cases are everywhere right now, and I use them for travel, my 13yo uses them as a case for her squishies, we use them for on the go coffee table toys, etc. But last week, I packed one of the larger ones with dry snacks (pretzels, dried mango, sour candy, protein bar, goldfish crackers, etc.) and dropped them into my daughter’s school bag. No more scrambling or forgetting snacks in the morning. It keeps them from getting crushed in the bottom of the backpack. Kind of an obvious solve but ten out of ten for making mornings easier.

I didn’t have to go to the post office

My oldest child is away at college in Indiana for his sophomore year, and thriving. And I am so grateful. I know this isn’t the case for many, and that these years often have more bumps and bruises than accolades. I miss him something fierce. My heart aches for the camaraderie in our home when he is here. And so I did what I do best. I packed up a Halloween package for him, his girlfriend, and his running teammates. They absolutely loved it, but if I am being honest, it was more for me than for him. My love language is gifting so being able to send this box to him and anticipate its arrival felt like Christmas Eve. And I must add, that I despise going to the actual post office. I would rather tweeze my eyebrows than wait in the post office line. So, my husband gracefully took on post office duties as long as the package could be from him too. Done.

Cozy blankets… everywhere

I bought my first Lola blanket in the sale they had earlier this month. This summer, my best friend, who has impeccable taste, was staying with us for a few days on her way up to see her kids at visiting day in Maine. She mentioned Lola Blankets and was shocked that I didn’t have one. But they are so expensive!! I countered. Well, when the sale came, I indulged. OMG you guys, I cannot live without it. My kids immediately wanted them too. Uhhh. Sorry, but their rooms are a biohazard. There was no way I was spending that kind of money on something that would live in their teenage explosions. So, I bought them these dupes off Amazon. They are…. Fine? Not nearly as luxurious as the Lola, but still cozy and I won’t be annoyed if they land under their bed never to be seen again. But then I wanted one for the den, and we have two dogs who love cozy things and the thought of those two smelly beasts cuddling up in an actual Lola blanket didn’t sit right. So I bought this Mellow one. We love her. Me and Sloane curl up under it every night and watch Heartland and I’m not worried about the dogs piling in too. And then.. stay with me. I know. It’s turning into a blanket addiction. Anthro was having a sale, and before I knew what I was doing, I hit buy on the most perfect shade of purple furry goodness that was screaming to live on our little blue couch in the kitchen, right in front of the fireplace where I drink my coffee each morning. I keep waiting for someone in my family to call me out on this new addiction, but so far, everyone is just happy to have a cozy cuddle.

I switched to a mid day cup of tea

I love coffee. I love it iced in the summer, hot in the winter. I am not one of those people that will drink iced coffee when I am cold. Who are you people?? I can’t wrap my brain around it. But when the weather gets cold, I want to drink hot coffee all day long. But an over-caffeinated Lizzie is no one’s favorite person. I don’t make herbal tea because I can’t get the temperature right. I either burn my tongue or wait too long and then it’s cold. So, I started making decaf English breakfast tea in my Keurig with a tiny splash of milk and honey. I put it in my favorite mug, and just like that, I am satisfied. It feels nice to love something as simple as a mug. If you’ve noticed it in the background of my feed lately, this is the one.

I hot glued stuff non-stop

If you follow me on IG, you have heard me go on about this hot glue gun. I can’t stop. I love her. We have made so many fun sculptures, mini monsters with pom pom buns, all out of loose parts and cardboard. I wish this had been around when my kids were little, because I can only imagine the stuff they would’ve come up with. I can’t wait for holiday season crafts with this trusty little doodad. Check out The Cardboard Edit for more ideas.

Dealing with my dry skin once and for all

This is kinda niche. I get such dry skin in the winter. Like, scaly, lizard skin. My mom gets it too, and I remember when I was little, my mom commenting on her “old lady skin.” I remember the smell of the Johnson and Johnson baby oil she slathered herself in after every shower before she lathered in Clinique yellow lotion. When we were teens, we’d sit in her bathroom and tease her.. Yeah. Karma. Now, I am the one with the scaly dry skin that needs to be managed. And yes, I drink an absurd amount of water. It’s not that. But, I think I found the combo that works for me! This oil in the shower is nothing short of luxury. Once you shave with it, you’ll never go back. My teens love it too. And this lotion that is so thick that it takes me three whole minutes to rub it in. But I do it because it works.

I looked for the good parts

Leaning on the horn when my daughter is late, again. You guys, my middle is getting her driver’s license so soon. And I love that for all of us. It is so freeing when your kid can drive themselves places, pick things up for you on the way home, and just generally experience the freedom that they’ve been craving for years. BUT. I will miss all the false threats I dole out in the morning while she’s taking her sweet time to come out to the car. The ones she literally grins at because she knows I am just talking smack. I will miss all the times she begs for a ride to Starbucks. I will even miss the silences where I am biting my own tongue so that I stop verbal diarrhea-ing all the things she “needs to do” this week/ this month/ in life. Teens are the best. The end.

ICYMI:

The last minute team dinner we hosted that made me cry with gratitude.
The screen battle I was losing with my kids
Something Playful: The Cardboard Edit and The Loose Parts Edit
9 year olds still cry about popsicles and other things I wish someone with older kids had told me
And finally, Permission to do less on Halloween.

Thanks for being here. And if you are considering upgrading, please use this free seven day trial on me.

Next week my gift guides officially drop (you can see the soft launch here), and I’ll be sharing a few ways to embrace the shorter days with your kids.

x. Lizzie

If you’re trying to get your kids to look up from their screens a little more, I want to tell you what happened when I stopped making more rules and started opening the boxes for them.

Creating more screen time rules that we both knew would eventually get broken was driving me (and my kids) crazy.

I was making side comments like, “Look up!” and “Get your head out of your phone.” Not only does this passive commenting not work, it also made the mood at home sour. I wouldn’t talk to another adult or child that way, and my kids deserve the same respect from me.

But… It was driving me absolutely nuts to see the tops of their heads all the time as they bent over a screen, completely ignoring one another, immersed somewhere far away, while literally sitting right in front of me.

I know this is something parents are collectively dealing with as technology becomes more and more a part of the lives of our children. So, I focused on controlling the controllables in the only way I know how. I zeroed in on play. I started taking a few toys at a time, out of the abandoned playroom, out of the bins and boxes they lived in, and started putting them on trays and in clear jars around my house.

A tray of brightly colored wheelies in the den where they congregate with friends.

Colorful tubes and wheels on the coffee table in the kitchen where they drop their backpacks and plop down on the couch after school.

Markers and stickers on my kitchen counter top, where they perch on barstools eating a snack or waiting for dinner to come out of the oven. (Paid subs, details are in The Sticker Edit!)

And then something happened in the in-between times where they’d automatically rely on screens to pass the time.

Their heads were back up. Their hands were clicking cubes together, they were laughing and sharing more. With me and with each other.

Their friends started to look into the jars on the tables, as soon as they arrived, anticipating what was inside. They’d eagerly doodle a quick pattern or a picture with the markers on the counter top, before heading off to play video games. I started to find them sitting in the kitchen longer, building something with pattern blocks before heading out for the evening.

I started playing and making more.

I found myself standing at the counter rolling bright and smooth clay into shapes instead of scrolling when I had a minute. In the evenings, my thirteen year old and I sat at the counter having a bedtime snack and quick sticker session instead of glancing up from my phone to say goodnight, we were making stuff again.

I’m not saying they stopped scrolling altogether, but that was never my intention. I am a big believer in letting kids have both. Screens and in-real-life play. And if we want kids to choose play, we need to make it as easy to start as it is on a device.

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My phone buzzed with an incoming text from Ruby, my sixteen-year-old high school junior.

It was cold on Tuesday afternoon. It was the first day I pulled out my favorite blue beanie and grey wool sweater. I was sitting on the comfy corduroy couch in my den, one dog smooshing me into the corner with his big furry paws tapping me every time I stopped rubbing his flank with my socked foot. The other one sitting politely on the ground, snoozing peacefully. I was furiously typing away on my laptop, trying to cram in the last few minutes of work before I had to switch gears and get dinner going for my girls.

I’m barely treading water right now between work and kids and life. I’m not even kidding when I say that some days it feels like if one more person asks me for one more thing, no matter how big or how small, I might just actually keel over. Even the laundry pile in the basement feels like it’s mocking me.

(I know… I’m working on it. But balance when you’re a multi-passionate ADHD’r isn’t really a thing.)

Anyway, beating away the thought in my brain telling me to let someone else take this one, I grinned, and said an emphatic yes. It’s not like I was going to actually cook the meal. (Horrible cook over here. Like, really bad.)

My oldest is also a distance runner who ran in high school for three years. So, I’ve hosted a team dinner or two (that’s sarcasm, I’ve hosted close to a dozen). I mostly know what I’m doing. I can pull it together with one hand tied behind my back.

But experienced or not, hosting a team dinner is expensive, and it takes a lot of effort to pull off.

I only have a few dinners left. Some parents would find relief in that. I understand why. But for me, it feels different.

Because one thing about me? I’m a “little kids” kinda person. I studied early childhood, I taught nursery school, I wrote an entire book about play and childhood. I am comfortable with paint on my hands, playdough under my fingernails and calling the stale goldfish in my backseat lunch.

I dreaded the teenage years. I listened with wide eyes when the slightly older moms at the store saw me struggling with a crying five year old and toddler running down the aisles and said, “Just wait until they’re teens.” Or, “Bigger kids, bigger problems…” You know the drill, I’m sure.

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The next day..

• Order food for 35 kids and make sure they can deliver on time. Check.

• Clean, vacuum, move all the crap that is currently living on my dining room table.

• Pull out every single stool, ottoman, folding chair, anything that even slightly resembles a place to sit. This is always the tough one and they literally end up sitting on the floor no matter what. Remind me for next time.

• Hit up Stop and Shop for drinks and desserts.

I knew I could do it.

I worked until one, raced to Stop and Shop, came home and snapped at my husband to stop crunching crackers in my kitchen. I had too much shit to do in too little time. He obliged.

And before I knew it, the first kids were rolling in the door, freshly showered from practice, wearing their cozies. Sweats, pj pants, Uggs.

Year after year. It’s the same. They come in shy and polite, tentatively scooping pasta onto plates, and within fifteen minutes the house is packed with laughter, shoving, music, and the very distinct smell that is teenagers.

And I love it.

They ate from paper plates piled high with bread, pasta and salad and tall, lanky, almost (but not yet) men clicked together the magnetic cubes I’d left on the table.

Guys and girls sprawled across my living room floor screaming with laughter as they played competitive rounds of this fast paced card game.

One group sat around the glass table in the den, leaned in, clicking wheelies together in patterns, having real conversations, face to face. They lingered well past 8pm, drifting in and out of rooms, mingling, teasing and snacking on Halloween candy that I’d grabbed at the last minute.

When everyone had gone home, I picked up the few forgotten paper plates and candy wrappers from tables and carpets. As I wandered through the house, I was overcome with gratitude for the good fortune that landed me here.

And I will not lie. When my high school junior was in middle school, I saw a mom sweating and cursing under her breath as she attempted to strap her flailing, screaming three-year-old into the car seat after a spilled ice cream cone incident at the beach, and I thought to myself, I wish a spilled ice cream cone and an embarrassing scream fest were our biggest problem right now. BUT I DIDN’T SAY IT OUT LOUD.. Hello?

I love raising teenagers. And ten years ago, if anyone told me I’d feel this way now, I’d never have believed them. I’ve learned so much about myself, my parenting, my insecurities. Strengths I didn’t know I had emerged alongside my growing teens.

And while I must admit to myself that I am on the back nine of my turn to host team dinners and have high schoolers in the house (Thank god for my Sloane, who is in 7th grade!!), I also really look forward to my house swelling up with my kids and their people as they grow into adults. And maybe they’ll have life partners and pets and children, and I will get to welcome them.

Knowing that my girl could say, “I’ll ask my mom, I bet she’ll say yes” when a teammate had to cancel at the last minute, was exactly why I’ve hosted countless playdates, dinners, snacks and backyard fire pits for my kids and their friends for the last 19 years. Team dinners and teenager hangs look very different from the preschool playdates. But I think that they were the foundation of having an open door policy at home now. I wrote everything I know about playdates, including a few can’t miss activities, what to do with siblings, and snacks, RIGHT HERE.

This morning, when I opened my computer to clear my emails and meet my deliverables, I found myself instead writing this letter to the moms of littles who might be dreading the big kid years. And I just wanted to tell you that raising my teens and watching them fly away continues to be the most raw and fulfilling stage of parenting so far.

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And I am really grateful to share it with you. Thanks for being here and for reading what I write. x Lizzie

Please leave a comment below. I read every single one.

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Sculptures out of wooden loose parts. Mini monsters, complete with little pom pom buns, out of recycled toilet paper tubes, pom poms and googly eyes.

The stuff we’ve been making got me thinking about the power of cardboard and some glue, and how I’ve used it over the years in my classrooms and in my home to build something much more important than a sculpture.

I have an old video somewhere of my thirteen year old when she was three and a half. She was standing in our tinkerspace in our old house, in old tattered pj’s, hair messy from sleep and the tantrums that kept me from daring to brush it out and she’s holding.. a glue gun.

Yes. Three and a half with a hot glue gun, and not the kind that is so low temp it barely works. She was adding beads and cardboard scraps to an Ikea doll house that we kept especially for “construction” and my kids were constantly “renovating” it with cardboard doors, pulley systems made of little boxes and string, patterned paper and felt for the walls.

But in order for it to work they needed glue, and cardboard scraps. Lots of them. They gave her the power to make something out of nothing. And for a little girl, the youngest of three. That mattered.

When I was teaching four year olds in downtown Manhattan in 2001, I had a brilliant co-teacher. She always carried a small tote bag to school and once a week, she’d pull a collection of cardboard scraps, interesting bottle caps and newspaper ads, things from her recycling bin that she knew the children would use. She’d set them up at the table like an offering of the most valuable spread of goods. Alongside it she’d set little pots of school glue and short stubby brushes. Even the most “wild children,” the ones who preferred wrestling on the carpet, the ones who ran around the classroom playing Power Rangers and almost never stopped to “make art,” would come to the table.

There was a little boy named Oscar, who typically spent all his time in the block area or playing soccer in the rec room. But on the days where we had “junk gluing” out, he would sit and create for the entire morning. Returning back to the table after lunch to ask if he could paint his creations. Looking back, his mom was probably so annoyed- she had to lug those precarious sculptures into the stroller, through the crowded streets of downtown Manhattan and on the subway. Oops.

That child taught me something I would never forget. When we give kids the time and materials, but we don’t tell them the how or the what, they fall in love with creating.

And that’s what today’s Edit is about. The cardboard in your recycling bin right now. How to set it up for toddlers through teens…

Something Playful is a paid series inside this publication. Each installment takes one type of play material (playdough, magnetic tiles, art supplies, sensory toys, chalk, stickers, and more) and tells you exactly what to put out, how much, and what to do when it stops working. Age-by-age.

If you have been thinking about subscribing, this is a good week to start. Use this 7-day free trial on me.

Behind the paywall:

• What to put out for your toddler, preschooler, big kid or teen

• How I introduce a low temp hot glue gun to preschoolers (my exact words)

• When they dump it all, or want you to make it for them

• What to do with everything they make

• The supplies I use, with links

(The rest is for my paid subs...)

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I’m deep in the teen trenches now, but it still feels like yesterday when everyone was under seven. If you’ve got a four year old hitting your toddler or a six year old on the kitchen floor yelling IT’S NOT FAIR, that’s in here too.

One part of me wants to let some of it go because being thirteen is hard and the transition to middle school can be downright cruel. The other part of me feels like I need to come down harder because what if I haven’t been strict enough?

I’m peri-menopausal and it’s like we are both going through puberty at the same time.

The problem isn’t her. It’s me. When I’m not feeling resolute in how I want to handle certain behaviors or situations, I waffle. Sometimes, I’m moody and strict. That comes from a place of “Oh shit. Did I forget to teach her manners? Did I screw this up irrevocably?”

Other times, I’m more tolerant. I will set a limit and follow through but if she needs to stomp upstairs and slam the door in protest, I am okay with it. You have to follow the rules, but you don’t have to do it with a smile on your face.

I feel like when my kids were littler, and I felt more in control and better versed in ages and stages, I was so much better at setting limits and holding boundaries. I had clear expectations on behavior. When they pushed the line, I was mostly calm and firm. I followed through with consequences, regardless of whether I felt guilty about it.

I’m probably looking back through rose colored glasses, but I know for sure that I was a much more consistent, confident parent when my kids were all under the age of ten.

And then middle school came. And high school. Now college.

They grew up and so did I.

Expectations like helping around the house felt easier and more consistent because they were home more. I had time to teach them skills, they had bandwidth to learn and complete them. (More on how we handled chores then and how we do it now.)

Behaviors, even the big ones, felt easier to connect to what had happened before or what they needed. It felt… mostly manageable.

But now, their worlds have expanded so much. Commitments are heavier, expectations outside of home are intense and there is so much freaking friend drama. And that alone is enough to make me want to wave the white flag on chores and expectations because it’s hard out there, and I want home to feel safe and good and warm.

But I also know without a doubt that children need limits, boundaries and expectations in order to feel safe. So… it’s complicated.

But wait, can we go back to talking about screwing up with our kids? Like when I’m holding the limit so calmly and then they ask one more time and I snap?

Or when I’ve woken up exhausted, and my sweet-with-sleep daughter tries to cuddle in and I push her away, racing to get the morning routine and deeply regret it later?

Or when your 14 year old says something so out of pocket that it takes your breath away and immediately yell, “You’re grounded” without even giving it a beat to investigate?
Or your 4yo hits the toddler and you react out of fear.
Or when your 6-year-old says “that’s not fair” for the tenth time that hour.

When I’m not responding to my kids the way I wish I was, this is what I tell myself:

I’m the grown-up, so it’s on me to go first, even when it’s hard. Even when I’m frustrated and busy.

Last year, after a particularly long rough patch, my youngest and I were eating lunch. I looked at her (still so little but also, when did she start to look so grown?), took a breath and said,

“I’m still learning how to be your mom. And you’re still learning how to be a twelve-year-old kid. We’re both going to make a lot of mistakes. I love you, and I wish I were handling this better.”

She looked at me and said, “I love you, mama,” and then she continued eating her grilled cheese sandwich. I washed the pan.

It didn’t end our struggles on the spot.

But it did soften something in both of us, and it changed our day, and then our week.

How can one little phrase have such a big impact?

Below:

• What to say in the moment, and later that day, when your 4 year old smacks the toddler and you’re yelling before you’ve even decided to

• The bedtime apology after your 6 year old ends up on the kitchen floor over the last orange popsicle (and the “life isn’t fair” your mom used to say)

• The note I slip under my teen’s door when I’ve overreacted, and giving a consequence, softly

• How to say sorry for how you said it and still mean what you said

The rest is for paid subscribers.

If you have been thinking about subscribing, use this 7-day free trial on me.

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My thirteen year old came down for a drink of water before bed. She saw me setting up, and lingered for a few minutes, then she decided to climb onto a bar stool at the counter and color a little while. We chatted a little, but mostly we were both just lost in our own thoughts in the dim kitchen light, coloring.

The next morning, before she left for school, we both bent over the counter again, coloring one last thing before the rush of the day.

I found myself absentmindedly filling in the giant pumpkin later that day while I chatted on the phone with my VA, as we ironed out Holiday Guide details.

My daughter was at school late that day, and had a bunch of homework. She didn’t touch the coloring all afternoon or evening. I left it out.

My oldest daughter, sixteen, walked through the kitchen after practice, popping little pieces of dried mango and cashews into her mouth from a little Stasher bag in her hand. She didn’t even glance up from her phone long enough to notice the coloring.

Until she got thirsty. Came back down from her room, poured some water, and as she drank it, she filled in the gravestone with purple and green marker, all thin stripes and tiny dots. And just as fast as she arrived, she departed.

The next day, my youngest, home from school with two friends who were staying for dinner, sat around the countertop, and colored in the entire banner. They listened to music, checked phones for texts, took photos, and they colored while I dropped spaghetti into a boiling pot of water and spread garlic and butter on a loaf of Italian bread, and put it into the oven. They munched cucumber slices as I made the salad, and I tried to stay quiet as they gabbed.

My oldest is nineteen and I think he was around six when I started making this coloring prompt on the table. It became a yearly tradition, at this point, it’s more for me than for them. Of course, they weren’t going to squeal with excitement and go on and on about Halloween costumes, but it did give us a few slowed down moments throughout the week, and a nod to the little kid years, that I’m sure felt as comforting for them as it did for me.

Below: a little Halloween station for your toddler, where the mirror does most of the work. One small thing to add to the blocks for your preschooler instead of buying a Halloween version of everything. A playdough tray from whatever Halloween bits you have laying around, and a trick-or-treat game you can play in the hallway. The coloring roll and the Rice Krispie treats for every age. A sixth grade party, teens who still trick-or-treat, and why your little kid keeps asking to see the scary thing.

Something Playful is a paid series inside this publication. Each installment takes one type of play material (playdough, magnetic tiles, art supplies, sensory toys, chalk, stickers, and more) and tells you exactly what to put out, how much, and what to do when it stops working. Age-by-age.

If you have been thinking about subscribing, this is a good week to start. Use this 7-day free trial on me. (The rest is for my paid subs...)

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The image stopped me cold. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was pregnant with Sloane, and bone tired. I felt guilty that she’d been watching so much TV while Nate was off at kindergarten, and when I came across this little bag of beads from the dollar store, I thought, why not? She loved pink. I mean REALLY loved pink, in the way that only three year olds can commit to a color.

I put the beads and tray on the floor, put on some music, and plopped down on the couch with a cup of tea and a book.

One by one, she started carefully stacking the beads onto the toothpicks. She was humming songs from preschool that I didn’t know the words to. Eventually, she moved across the room and played with her dolls, she did a puzzle, and then she came back to the beads.

Before we left to pick up Nate from kindergarten, she carefully lifted her beads to the kitchen table. “I’m gonna show this to Nate-Nate,” she told me, grinning through a mouthful of Pirate’s Booty.

A bowl of beads, a few toothpicks, a piece of styrofoam, on the kitchen floor, was all it took to get her started playing independently. Well, that, and having me nearby. (More on that here)

Think about the last time you went to the diner as a family. Did your kids line the sugar packets up in a pattern and stack the little plastic jelly tubs while they waited for chocolate chip pancakes?

Think about the last time you went to the beach. Did they gather shells or pebbles and make them into a game? Maybe they pulled a few cans out of the recycling to build with before you could stop them.

That’s loose parts play, guys. It’s really as simple as that.

I’ve been promising this loose parts edit for weeks, but I couldn’t deliver because every version I wrote felt like I was overcomplicating things. So, I’ve decided that I’m not going to walk you all the way back to the seventies when the theory of loose parts play was first introduced. I am fascinated by the evolution, but you guys just really want to get your kids playing with loose parts. I’ll skip the theories and history and break it down for you by age and stage. I’ll tell you exactly what to put out, how much, and what to do when it stops working. Let’s do this.

Loose parts are a collection of objects with no fixed purpose. They can be open ended toys and they can also be bottle caps, stones, buttons, rings, discs, spools, shells, pink beads. There is no correct way for your kids to play with them, you don’t need to “set it up right.”

Most, not all, of the coffee table toys I recommend are loose parts.

If you set up the tinker tray from the playdough edit, that was loose parts play.

Why Loose Parts

My kids have played with the same wooden loose parts for eight years. The little wooden shapes have been food, money, building materials, whatever the game needed that day. That’s the test of a good loose part: it does not do anything until someone gives it a role.

Loose parts span ages and stages, and are great in a home with multiple kids. The same tray of cubes is a stack and knock over game for a toddler, pretend money for a preschooler, and a parking garage for cars for your first grader.

Loose parts are trending, but don’t search the hashtag because you will be buried in gorgeous, expensive, handmade wooden sets and the pressure to buy. You do not need all of it. You might not need any of it… I beg you to start slow, start small, start with found objects.

We spent years playing with saved bottle caps, dollar store jumbo buttons, and beach stones the kids painted themselves. They played just as hard with stuff from the recycling bin as they did with the beautiful wooden rings and the cubes purchased off of Etsy.

Focus more on making loose parts accessible and less on how expensive the toy is.

Below: four ways I set loose parts out so they get used instead of shoved to the bottom of a bin and spread across the house, what to put out at every age starting with your toddler, how to store and rotate them, what to do when it’s not working, and the loose parts list, from your recycling bin to the splurge.

Something Playful is a paid series inside this publication. Each installment takes one type of play material (playdough, magnetic tiles, art supplies, sensory toys, chalk, stickers, and more) and tells you exactly what to put out, how much, and what to do when it stops working. Age-by-age.

If you have been thinking about subscribing, this is a good week to start. Use this 7-day free trial on me. (The rest is for my paid subs...)

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It was the summer of 2019. My older daughter woke before the other kids and wandered down to the kitchen where I was packing the cooler for the long beach day ahead. With my other kids still fast asleep, she propped her lanky body onto the counter and watched me make the lunches. Ritz crackers with peanut butter for her, turkey and cheese on a roll for my oldest, no lettuce, no mayo. Turkey rollups with Goldfish for my youngest.

While I added watermelon cubes and peaches into the cooler, she popped an Eggo in the toaster and plopped down to work on a complicated, zig-zag rainbow string bracelet. She looped the bracelet around her big toe to hold it steady, and expertly moved her long tan fingers in a pattern she learned from the older girls at camp. At nine, she felt more like fifteen.

Eventually, my eleven-year-old wandered down, bathing suit on, grin on his face, hair not-yet-brushed, my youngest, six, trailing behind him, still in PJs, holding her pink velour owl that she couldn’t sleep without.

My oldest was hustling the girls and me, eager to get to the beach for high tide so he could be first to jump off the high rock. My youngest, ever my baby, yawned sleepily, waiting for me to present breakfast and clothing options. (She’s got the same personality trait now, at thirteen.)

We arrived at the beach around nine am and set up for the day. The sun was shining, the tide was high and for the most part, everyone was getting along. I liked arriving at the beach early before our friends arrived, it gave us time to get settled and for the kids to get into a rhythm before the excitement. It was my favorite part of the day. Until it wasn’t.

My oldest scampered off to assess whether the tide was high enough for jumping yet, my little one settled in at the water’s edge with a bucket and a few plastic unicorns. My older daughter strapped on her life jacket and started dragging the paddle board to the water.

“Ruby!! Wait for me!” called Nate eagerly.

Immediately her face changed from serene to stormy. Huh? Normally she’d grin back and hold the board waiting for him to jump on. Not today. Today, she crossed her arms across her life-jacketed chest and dug her heels in.

“No, Nate. I never get the paddle board to myself,” she said.

“No fair,” he said, “It’s everyone’s. Why won’t you let me on?”

“I want a turn by myself,” she said determinedly as she shoved off the shore and paddled out.

Confused, but with the message received, Nate headed back onto the beach and started digging a moat for Sloane’s unicorns. Everything was fine until I glanced up and saw Ruby with tears of anger and frustration dragging the paddle board back to shore.

She dropped it just out of reach of the water and plopped her paddle on top, furiously unclipping her life jacket, she stomped over to where I was sitting. Before I could even ask what happened, she burst into tears and said, “It’s so unfair. Nate can steer the board by himself but when I do it, it won’t go straight.”

I wanted to say:

He offered to join you!

Calm down! It’s not that big of a deal.

You know how to do string bracelets and he gets frustrated in minutes!! Everyone is good at different things.

But I held my tongue because she was nowhere near ready to be walked out of her unfair bubble.

And regardless of how hard we try, (omg, I can’t help myself sometimes) meeting feelings with logic never works. When children are in the danger zone, explanations and solutions will only make things worse.

I don’t know about you, but when my kids were little, and they were melting down, I’d easily tell myself that they were hungry, tired, and overstimulated. But as they got older, I was less patient, and it usually came from fear.

Did I parent too gently?

Why are they still behaving this way?

Where did I mess up?

I’d go from gentle to impatient in the blink of an eye.

4 things that feel confusing about “big kids” but are surprisingly normal for six to ten-year-olds:

Keep reading as a paid subscriber:

Inside this post:

• Behaviors that confuse even the most seasoned parents

• When your child says “I’m stupid”

• Phrases to calm the moment without shutting them down

• How to support growing independence while still getting the snuggles

• When you’re questioning if it’s them or you

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Six weeks ago our upstairs bathroom sprang a leak under the sink that dripped all the way down to our kitchen. When I came downstairs in the morning, one of our dogs was happily lapping up the water. It had left a big brown stain on our kitchen ceiling and was dripping down to the floor through the light socket.

My husband turned the water off at the source while I mopped up the floor. He called the plumber. I made sure to be home when they came and fixed the sink. I was proud of both of us. No one overreacted. No one got overwhelmed. We both work full time and sometimes it feels like one little mishap can send the entire week off course. Yay us.

But now, it’s six weeks later. The light is still dangling from the socket and the brown water mark is still on the ceiling. And I hate that. Our kitchen is one of my favorite places to be, and the light hangs down and mocks me.

It’s a small paint job, we already have the paint, and the light just needs to be popped back in. But we’ve both been super busy at work. Long hours and deadlines. Whether you work at a job that pays you money or you work within the walls of your own home, I know you know what I mean.

And sure, one of us could have skipped our daughter’s XC meet last Saturday and fixed the ceiling instead… but no way.

And maybe he could have fixed it on Sunday, but instead, he was folding laundry, grocery shopping and chauffeuring our middle schooler to and from her friends’ houses. I was in my office, noise-canceling headphones on, locked in to updating my website, working on a looming deadline for a brand partnership, and finalizing holiday gift guides, which somehow come out earlier every year.

I don’t know what the answer to juggling it all is, but… I love my work and love my family. I really like having an orderly home, but I am not going to sacrifice showing up for my kids in the moments that count and the ones that maybe don’t, just to take care of my house.

This part is for paid subscribers. 👇

Not sure if a paid subscription is for you? Use this free seven day trial to pass the paywall and unlock my entire archive. Poke around, I think you’re going to like it here.

Plus, get access to the archive of parenting guidance, including:

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And truthfully, Prime Day stresses me out. I get a stomach ache thinking about how many parents are falling prey to the hot toy lists and the FOMO.

Sometimes I am those parents.

I watch the really flashy toy hauls and start thinking that I want those toys? Hello? What? I literally work round the clock helping parents choose toys that last through ages and stages. The ones that build frustration tolerance, and promote independent play. The ones you place on your coffee table and toddlers, teens and grandparents gather around and play.

Those are the opposite of those hot toy hauls, and still, all the frenzy and clever marketing has me almost clicking buy.

And, TBH, sometimes I do. And it can be fun for a day or two. But those toys are built for the excitement of the unboxing, and not for long lasting play.

A handful of my most-recommended coffee table toys are on deal today, and these are the ones people message me about constantly. The ones that everyone plays with from toddlers to big kids. Grandparents and teenagers.

This summer I got at least twenty messages from moms who packed Coffee Table Toys to bring to their lake vacations and to family reunions. The ones they brought to the grandparent’s houses and the ones that gathered all the cousins and family friends around the table, connecting and laughing and creating.

If you are new here, and you’re not sure what a coffee table toy is, start here.

These tubes and wheels are a crowd pleaser. They’d be great at a Thanksgiving gathering to keep the little kids from running. Put them out on a coffee table and everyone will play. Including the grandparents and the teens. They are 16% off today, and come in a huge set. This is the container I keep mine in.

These curves and lines are meant for preschoolers because they’re great for pre-writing skills. But the big kids and the teens cannot get enough of them. Drop them into a tray, ditch the cards that they come with, and watch the play unfold.

These acrylic blocks look like a decor object, but you get to say, “Yes! You can play with them.” The toddler sized cubes are on deal too. This is a “grow with me toy” because kids use them differently at all ages and stages. I’ve seen them used with wooden blocks, for stacking, on a light table, in a window (the light streaming through is beautiful.) You can even drop them in the bathtub or the pool!

Magnetic cubes are the GOAT of Coffee Table Toys. The clickity-clack, and the ease of getting started are irresistible. Everyone who walks past them, toddlers, teens, dads’s who “don’t play” can’t not pick them up.

We recently added these extenders (also on deal) to our set and it’s been a game changer. Toddler/ baby sized cubes are on deal too.

Big kids and teens are obsessed with these. They are teeny-tiny little pixel blocks. I’ve never seen phones go down faster than when these are on our kitchen island and a group of teens are hanging around snacking. We also bring them to restaurants when we go out as a family.

These wheelies sell out every time I post about them, and they’re that good. A friend of mine brought them to her annual family beach vacation where it was all adults and teens, and they were hooked. They started calling them “talking toys” because they’d sit around, chat and build with wheelies.

If you are new to Coffee Table Toys, start slow. Don’t buy the whole collection at once, and don’t put out too many at a time.

Use clear containers because visibility is what gets kids playing. When the toys are in front of them, in sight and in reach, not put away in a box in the closet, they play.

If you have little kids and big kids, the toddler-sized Coffee Table Toys are the way to go. They are big enough you don’t have to worry about choking, but open-ended enough that big kids, teens, and adults will love them too.

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Here is a link to the rest of my Prime Day picks (there are only a few more!)

*These links are affiliate links, which means I earn a small commission if you buy. I only ever recommend things I use and believe in.

Have you been loving coffee table toys at your house? Drop a comment below!

x. Lizzie

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Was it kinda gross to let him eat in the sandbox? Probably.. but it was one of those days where both kids were in good moods and I even remembered to bring a snack for myself, so I let it go.

A little girl in a too-small, well-loved Pokemon shirt, with uneven bangs, knobby knees, a very runny nose, and white-blonde hair, who looked about six years old, suddenly leaned over, put her hands on her hips and stomped her foot on the pile of sand Nate had been excavating with his yellow metal Tonka truck.

“That’s stupid,” she challenged, in a tone that made me think she might have an older sibling at home who had done the same to her, and she was trying it on for size.

Nate locked eyes with me, and before I could even start to get up, I heard a tired, exasperated voice from the bench beside mine. “Lily, knock it off or there’s no iPad tonight.”

I whipped my head around and noticed another mom, who, like me, was juggling an overstuffed diaper bag and a stroller with a barely-dozing toddler. We made brief eye contact and she gave me one of those, “Kids will be kids” looks before she looked back down at her phone.

This is NOT the part of the post where I shit on the other mom.

With a perfectly executed eye roll, Lily was now inching closer to the big metal dump truck that Nate had carried the three long blocks from home. It was a little worse for the wear, impossibly awkward to carry, and man did he love that truck.

For a second, I felt totally unsure of what to do. My instincts pulled me in a million directions at once.

Rush over and tell Lily off?

Give dirty looks to the other mom until she dealt with her kid?

Take Nate to another part of the playground and avoid the confrontation?

Plot twist: I did none of the above. Kids need to be taught, explicitly, how and when to stand up for themselves. And standing up doesn’t always mean handling it alone. Sometimes it means asking for help. Nate didn’t handle Lily on his own that day, he looked at me, and I want my kids to keep doing that.

My hope is that a three year old who calls his mom over to the sandbox grows into a middle schooler who says “not cool” in the group chat.

And I hope it turns into the teenager who gets an adult when everyone is too drunk and someone could get hurt, even if it means they won’t be invited back next time.

And, the college kid who speaks up when they disagree with their “brotherhood.”

This was my chance.

And if you are wondering why and how I didn’t immediately confront the other mom, a glimpse into my thought process:

What and who is most important to me right now?

What do I want my kid to take away from this situation?

My answer: I wanted Nate to see me model compassionate but firm boundaries. Without yelling, blaming or shaming another person.

I had no clue what the other mom was up against, and I wholly believe we all want what’s best for our kids.

I try not to have expectations of someone I don’t even know, and it’s not my job to manage another mom’s parenting or another person’s child. My job is my own kid. Period.

Here is how I did that:

• What I said to Nate, word for word, at the edge of the sandbox (and why I pulled out my phone on purpose)

• What standing up for themselves looks like at 2, at 4, at 7, and at 12, with my words for each

• The stuffed animal trick for four year olds, and the ball story for seven year olds

• The middle school group chat, and the thing I wish I’d done sooner with one of my own kids

Not sure if a paid subscription is for you? Use this free seven day trial to pass the paywall and unlock my entire archive. Poke around, I think you’re going to like it here.

Plus, get access to the archive of parenting guidance, including:

Why I Let Us Run Out of the Favorite Snack on Purpose: the sore loser phase is normal/ making a second choice, the phrase that got my three kids through lost games, dirty cups, and missed teams/ my exact words from toddler to high school

What I said when my kids were bored (by age) that taught them how to fill their own time: My exact words for a 3 year old, a 7 year old, and my 13 year old with a new phone, what I do when boredom turns into destruction, and the day-plan list I taught my kids to write themselves

I Stopped Hiding Our Toys in Drawers. Now Everyone Plays, Even the Teenagers: The toys and art supplies I bought vs how I set them up so they get played with consistently. Toddlers to Teens. When toys are in sight, everyone plays.

Subscribe now to unlock this article and join thousands of parents just like you who want real-life ideas for more connection, less chaos, and a childhood that feels like childhood.

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I love a houseful. I love piles of sneakers at the back door. Sweatshirts and backpacks strewn across my den. Dogs barking, kids in and out of the kitchen grabbing snacks. I love messy play and art at the kitchen counter. I am good at those things. They make me happy.

But dinner? Not my strong suit. I am not a great cook, and I never really have been. I would literally rather change poopie diapers than plan, shop, prep and cook dinner. And since Nate, my oldest, left for college last year, I have been even more avoidant of cooking because he is my only kid that would eat anything and then ask for more.

Dinner around here has become such a slog.

So, when HelloFresh reached out and asked me if I wanted to partner with them to share some ways to get dinner on the table while everyone is settling into their fall routines, I knew this would be win-win. Because when there are permission slips on the counter, and the XC practice schedule has changed twice, my youngest shows up with a friend who is staying for dinner, and my middle needs a last minute ride, dinner is the thing that sends me into a total spiral.

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Every parent I talk to right now is underwater. School started a few weeks ago and it feels like we should already be in a solid routine, but that’s never the case… for anyone. It’s not just you. You aren’t doing anything wrong. All of us are overwhelmed.

There is one simple strategy I have been using during the school-to-dinnertime transition since my teens were toddlers: using play to keep hands busy, screens to a minimum, and the chaos at bay (sorta). And yes, that includes the toys at the dinner table. I’ll explain, hang on...

Inside this post:

• Why I let my kids bring toys to the table when they were little, and what those toys turned into.

• The one way I’ve used at-home meals to stay close to my teens.

• Three simple setups, by age, to keep your kids playing while you make dinner.

• How HelloFresh is helping me get meals on the table that everyone loves, without the stress of prep and planning.

The Dinner Transition

First, let’s talk about that hour when everyone’s getting hungry, one kid has homework, one kid is begging for screens, and there’s a toddler wrapped around your ankles. Here’s what you are going to do when you are ready to cook but you don’t want to turn on the TV.

Toddler: magnetic cubes, low on the outside of the fridge, like this:

At 5pm your toddler wants to be close to you, so setting up some magnet play on the fridge or on the floor by your feet keeps them in proximity, but not asking to be held.

You are right there, but you can also be cooking and talking about homework with your bigger kid.

Preschool and kindergarten:

Same cubes, but on the counter top, next to figurines they already love. Pull out some of their favorite character figurines or vehicles. The thing they already love pulls them in because it’s familiar and they know what to do. Then, the cubes become the house, a road, an ocean, whatever they want it to be. There are no instructions or boxes to pull down off the shelf. No tricky puzzle pieces that need adult input. It is 5pm. They’ve been working hard all day. This makes play easy to start and fun to sustain. Put everything on the countertop or on a table in the kitchen with you. When they say, “Mom, look at what I made!” you don’t have to stop cooking. You can dip in and out of conversation with them because you are both right there.

Big kids: Put out a few of these mini coloring pages and blendable washable markers. I’ve been so surprised by how many kids love these mini coloring sheets! Don’t be surprised if you find yourself coloring one too while you wait for the water to boil.

Even your teen or tween will color these because they don’t take a whole lot of effort for a great result. (Kinda like your HelloFresh meal!).

Coloring books, markers, pencils, container linked HERE.

Now, let’s talk about dinner.

My kids are teenagers. One is across the country at college, and my girls are in middle and high school. They come home ravenous from school and practice at different times. Start and end times for activities and practices change daily.

The only constant? I am still the mom who is trying to avoid dinner. Because I’m not good at it and it’s never been easy for me.

It’s not the chopping or getting food on the table that’s hard for me. I make a mean snack tray and I can pack a lunch box in two minutes flat.

It’s the thinking that dinner involves. By dinner time I’m balancing whether my kids have had enough protein, veggies, or carbs and trying to come up with a meal that covers my bases for the day.

I struggle with figuring out what to buy, and how much, so that it’s not all wilting in my fridge, mocking me because I bought way too much arugula and not nearly enough cheese. And mostly, it’s thinking of something that isn’t in our stale rotation that no one’s excited about but I need to check the dinner box so I just go with what I know.

Enter… HelloFresh.

Here’s how it works: You pick your meals, the box shows up, and the card walks you through the cooking. With pictures. I really appreciate the step by step pictures. They make me feel like I can do it! And I can.

Last Sunday afternoon, when everyone was in their rooms doing their own thing, my husband made The Firehouse Cheeseburgers. Instead of groaning when he called the kids down for lunch, they bounded down the stairs, into the kitchen, happy to gather around and eat together!

This week I made Low Lift Chicken and Udon Stir Fry in 30 minutes and it tasted like takeout from the good place. My girls went back for seconds, and asked if we could have this again next week.

I think I will double down on their love of udon and make Japanese Style Spicy Beef Udon Noodle Soup next.

Now, I am not saying I’m about to take on the dinner routine with a smile on my face, I’m still me. But you know who will? My husband! Ever since our HelloFresh box arrived, he has been happy to take over the cooking duties because there’s no mental load involved. Open the packages, pull the instruction card, and boom. Dinner on the table in 30 minutes and it tastes amazing. He’s been winning dinner at our house, and I’m still taking some credit for ordering the box.

Knowing dinner is decided, and portioned ahead of time and that everyone will eat it, has been a game changer.

And, something I really love is that HelloFresh built a Family Menu that works for everyone because you can swap proteins or double portions for the ones eating like the food might run out. (Gosh I miss my college kid.)

As promised, let’s chat toys at the table. Not everyone will agree with me on this, but hear me out.

When my oldest was in kindergarten and my middle was in preschool, my sister, childless at the time, was visiting and she stayed for dinner. She played with the kids while I threw mac and cheese and some carrot sticks together for dinner. I called them over to the table. I’d already plopped the baby into the high chair. Both of my kids came over with their favorite toys. My oldest, a die-cast NYC taxi car that he carried everywhere. My middle, her pink velour owl lovey that never left her side. Even the baby had a toy suctioned to the high chair tray.

My sister looked at me and said, “You let them bring toys to the table? Mom would have NEVER let us do that.”

And so I explained to her that yes, I did, and it wasn’t because I was afraid to set a limit. It was because having a toy with them kept them at the table longer, which meant they ate more. It also made trying new foods easier, because I would pretend to feed their toy a bite or they’d pretend to feed them. It made meals feel more playful and less rigid, and that was exactly how I wanted it.

Eventually, the kids grew up, they stopped bringing toys to the table and started bringing friends to the table… Which leads me to my next tip.

Friends and Dinnertime

One of the ways I’ve stayed close to my kids as they’ve grown into teens is by saying yes to hosting their friends as often as I can. As teens, their friends are so important to them, and saying yes shows them that what matters to them matters to me.

It also keeps me in the loop: who’s dating who, which kids are playing which sports, and which class is the hardest one at the high school. Having my kids’ friends around the table for impromptu dinners or weekend lunches lets me be around all of it without having to be in it. It’s been a huge win for all of us. If you have tweens or teens, try it. You’ll see what I mean.

I’ve been parenting for nineteen years, so I know that the fall won’t stop demanding me to juggle, and dinner won’t stop needing to be made. But having a plan for toys at the table and HelloFresh in my fridge has been making it all a lot easier to manage.

If you want to try HelloFresh, my code gets you a FREE Caraway Mini Fry Pan, $115 value, with your third box. It’s limited time, so if you’re thinking of trying it, I would do it now. Use my code: THEWORKSPACEFORCHILDREN and this link: https://www.hellofresh.com/THEWORKSPACEFORCHILDREN

With third box of active subscription. Limited quantities available. While supplies last.

And remember, you don’t have to set up a craft or an activity to get your kids back to play. Instead, think about making play easy to start. They’ll know how to do the rest.

Thanks for being here. Wishing you easy dinners this week. x Lizzie

It was a regular Sunday afternoon in 2017. My oldest was nine years old and obsessed with Legos. His entire room was wall-to-wall loose bricks, Lego fire trucks, Lego police cars and airplanes, and a Lego airport that was doubling in size by the hour. The top of his dresser was spilling over with a display of his creations. Under his bed were bins and bins of bricks. Lego was… everywhere.

If you know me, you know I am a lover of all things play. And with that, I have grown my tolerance for the mess that solid play sessions inevitably create. But on this particular Sunday? I was stressed.

My girls had been taking turns passing a cold back and forth, which meant there hadn’t been a week in ages when all three kids had been fever-free and at school.

I entered his room with a full basket of clean and folded laundry, ready to be placed neatly in his drawers, when I stepped on a small, yellow, SHARP Lego, and I just about lost my ever-loving mind on my sweet, unsuspecting boy.

“I’m never buying another Lego set again! This is insane. I cannot with this mess. I can’t even get to your drawers to put away the laundry...”

But then I looked down at his mop of brown hair and big, wide eyes.

“Mom, I’m building a sorting factory. Watch this!”

He scooted across the room on a belly scooter, with a handful of bricks, dropping each one by shape into box tops, complete with labels he’d made out of scraps of paper, tape, and his scrawny, little-boy handwriting.

I felt like such a jerk. I’d completely lost the plot.

The Legos weren’t the problem. I was.

My overwhelm and my adult stressors were clouding out the fact that deep, rich play tends to be messy, chaotic even. Because when kids are playing, they aren’t thinking about whether or not they are creating a mess. They are thinking about their own ability to create a world that matters to them. And that’s exactly what builds confidence, executive function, and a sense of self.

This is the part where most parenting experts say something like, “Embrace the chaos! Your kids are only little once. One day you’ll miss the mess!”

But I am not them, and I know that it’s not helpful to hear that you need to “just roll with it” when you are drowning.

Just because you love play doesn’t mean you need to live in a mess. This is your home, and you get to decide how you want it to feel and how things work inside of it. So please, don’t feel guilty setting limits around cleanup time.

Inside This Post:

• Why cleanup turns into a battle of the wills

• Crew Chief to Consultant: cleanup by age

• The sorter and the putter-awayer

• Reset the mess, not the play (the change that got my kids playing more)

• Why sometimes I clean up for my kids instead of telling them to do it

What’s Really Happening When Cleanup Time Turns Into a Battle of the Wills?

Let’s start with the obvious: No one likes to clean up. And for kids, it means stop doing the thing you love and start doing the thing that feels overwhelming and unfun.

Let me break it down for you. It's hard for kids to see the whole picture. You walk in and think, "Oh, just put the blocks away." They walk in and see 147 individual items with no clear starting point. Knowing what "belongs together" is tricky too. Adult brains automatically sort things into groups (all the art supplies, all the dress-up clothes). Kid brains? Not yet. We have to teach them. And "clean up your toys" sounds simple to us, but to them it's: figure out what needs cleaning, decide where it goes, move it there, remember what you were doing, and repeat 50 times.

This is why the “just clean your room” approach fails. We’re asking them to do something they probably cannot do. But here’s the good news: once you understand what they CAN do at each age, cleanup becomes collaborative instead of combative.

If cleanup feels like too much for them and for you, the next part walks you through what works at each age and how to make it easier on everyone.

This part is for paid subscribers. 👇

Not sure if a paid subscription is for you? Use this free seven day trial to pass the paywall and unlock my entire archive. Poke around, I think you’re going to like it here.

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Inside this post are three things they played with last week as they came in and out of the house doing their teenage thing. (And how to recreate them for your younger kids too.) And why I believe kids can use screens AND be kids who still love to play.

And in case you are new here, I want to be so clear on something. I am not anti-screen. My goal was never to replace screens for my kids. Instead, I wanted to make play as easy to start as turning to a device.

We can all make play a little easier to start by making it visible and accessible. And when we find a few moments to put something out? Everyone plays. Little kids, big kids and even adults.

A few weeks ago, I wrote THIS POST and so many of you hit reply asking me to make it a series so that you can have simple ideas right at your fingertips, whenever you need them. It’s a lighter read than The Something Playful Edits, which, I am so excited to announce, will be returning next week!! Not sure if it’s a good fit? This FREE seven day trial unlocks the archives so that you can check it out paywall free.

My girls (sixteen and thirteen) scrolled and played their fair share of video games this week. Of course they did. They are teens. But they also played, created, connected and laughed, and it felt good for everyone.

My oldest? He’s nineteen and across the country, and I’d bet he spent some time on screens this week too. And I am okay with that. I did too.

And if your kids are still little and you’re navigating the balance? Read this. Because this is how things looked when my kids were little.

Someone messaged me this week asking if I let my kids play video games when their friends are over. Keep reading to the bottom for my take on that.

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A Game of Balance and Weight

I put this on my coffee table in the den a few weeks ago… and nothing happened. No one played with it. At first, I thought, “Huh. Must be a dud.” I was glad I tested it before I shared it.

And then, instead of boxing it up, I moved it to the kitchen. Just to see what might happen…

Later that day, I was in my office working when I heard laughing and competitive banter coming from the kitchen. I poked my head around the corner and over Diet Cokes and Trader Joe’s Takis, my 16yo daughter and her boyfriend were rolling the dice and balancing the small wooden blocks on the swaying platform.

Weird, I thought to myself. Why now?

But then I realized, school started a few weeks ago and no one has really had time for movies or shows in the den. They just haven’t been in there at all, so that’s why no one played with it. Once I put the game in the kitchen, it got played with all weekend long. By everyone.

I love this swaying pendulum game for preschoolers through adults because there are no complicated rules to remember, no set number of people, and it’s light and fun. This one would make a great table top toy during the holidays when there are mixed ages spending time together.

Preschoolers:
Put this on a low table in your kitchen. Play the first round together, and then let them keep experimenting with weight and balance on their own while you do what you need to do. Don’t be a stickler about “the rules.” Let them keep it open ended and play how they want.

Grade Schoolers:
Put this out with an after school snack. Don’t ask them anything about their day, be intentionally quiet as you play together. I have a feeling details of the school day will come spilling out. Read more about how to get them talking about their day HERE.

Older Kids and Adults:
Put it on a tray and leave it out on the coffee table! I am absolutely putting this on our counter top the next time we have adults over for drinks.

We Cannot Stop Coloring With These Markers

Put the markers and paper out on the counter. Take them out of the box. Lay them out, with a long sheet. Stop hesitating and just do it.

Last Saturday night, our plans cancelled at the last minute and instead of heading out, my husband and I ordered in tacos with our girls and a few of their friends. On Friday, I’d set out a long sheet of butcher paper taped to the counter with the markers and some colored pencils. They were still there.

These markers are smooth, dry quickly, and they are so washable that they basically rub off your hands with a tiny drop of water. But what I didn’t realize at first is that you can layer them and blend them out.

When I set them out, my 13 year old put down her phone, where she’d been sitting on the couch playing Block Blast for way too long, and started drawing. I didn’t ask her to. But she saw me making some lines and dots and wandered over, and before we knew it, we were both phones down, coloring.

Later that day she was back at the counter with her best friend. The two of them sat there chatting, coloring and eating mac and cheese. I grinned as I walked past because I knew that if the markers had been put away, and the paper sitting on a shelf, this never would have transpired.

Back to the Tacos…

Between crunchy salty bites, and scoops of fresh guac, the teens were… coloring! High schoolers and middle schoolers. Coloring.

My husband and I shared a quick glance over their heads, because we both felt it at the same time… that sense of warmth that fills you when you’re surrounded by your kids and they are content and laughing with you. And if you have teens, you know that this can be a rarity. So if things have been tense at your house with your teens and tweens, try coloring. It really loosens things up.

Preschoolers:
Don’t put out the whole set of markers at once. It comes with a lot and younger kids can get overwhelmed by too many choices. Instead pull out five or six markers and lay them out on top of a long sheet of butcher paper. If you think they’ll be hesitant to start (you know your kid best) you can draw a few big squares and rectangles. Put out a snack or their lunch next to it and see what happens! (If you have toddlers, try these silky washable crayons instead of the markers.)

Grade Schoolers and Teens:
Put out the paper, and the whole set of markers. I put them in this container and included these and was surprised how much the kids used both the markers and the pencils.

The Clay Kit

When my kids were little we loved this kind of foamy air dry clay. I have never been big on slime, but this smooth, bright clay came in a close second for the kids and I loved it because it didn’t stick to hair and clothes. But stuffing the unused clay back into tiny plastic bags it came in was a CHORE and no one wanted to do it, so we ended up wasting clay and money. And eventually I stopped buying it. And then, I found this kit. And I cannot stop raving about it.

Preschoolers and Kindergartners:
Skip the tools that it comes with, and let them use their hands. Preschoolers are still developing hand strength and fine motor skills, and using their hands to roll, stretch and create will be more fun than struggling with tools that are designed for older hands. The goal is independence, and when you give them tools designed for older kids, they’ll need to keep coming to you for help.

Don’t encourage them to make anything. In fact, don’t even say anything about them making things that will dry and they can keep. Let it be more of a sensory experience, and then squish it all back up and put it away for another day.

Grade Schoolers:
Leave the tools, and let them decide what to make. Take away the instructions before you set it out so that they are working from their own brains instead of trying to replicate a craft or idea meant for older children who are more skilled. Follow their lead. If they ask to make something to keep, you can let it airdry over night and in the morning you’ll have a light, foamy, keepsake. I keep mine lined up on the fireplace mantel.

Tweens and Teens:
Now they are ready for you to leave out the instructions. My kids love to look up inspo on Pinterest. They’ve made fridge magnets, figurines and even a few little trinket dishes.

I love this kit, and I just ordered a few for holiday for my nieces and nephew because I’m a little worried they’ll sell out.

Screen Time When Friends Are Over

Someone messaged me and asked me if I let my kids play video games and watch screens when they have friends over. And here is what I told them:

There are lots of ways to navigate this depending on the ages and temperaments of your kids. But first, I want you to know that this is a hill I will absolutely die on:

Kids can use screens AND be kids who play.

It doesn’t have to be one or the other.

A few weeks ago my 13yo was in a girl pile on our basement couch, snacking, laughing and playing video games with her closest friends.

An hour before they were riding bikes.

An hour before that they were playing with Lego and making a mural out of colored tape.

Do I ever put a limit on screens for them? I do.

And when my kids were small, screens weren’t an option at playdates at our house. And they were an option at other people’s houses, and that was okay with me. I controlled the controllables.

But for my 16yo and 19yo? I wouldn’t dare dictate screens or no screens when their friends are over. At this point, I’m even hesitant to do it for my seventh grader. It’s important to me that my kids use screens while they still live in our home and I can help them navigate the balance.

When I feel like they are living on screens instead of in the real world, I try to get curious about what’s going on. It usually has nothing to do with a screen. Now that they are teens, my role is less about deciding for them, and more about helping them make healthy-ish choices for themselves.

I feel the same way about food. I don’t tell them what they can and can’t eat, but I do try to keep healthy and delicious options ready for them when they are hungry. Make sense?

If you have kids who love gaming and screens, and you want to help them find a little more balance, THIS POST will help you create the bridge between screens and IRL play.

Big kids don’t outgrow play. They lose time and they lose access to materials.

The time I can’t give back to them. The access I can.

Put something out on your kitchen counter and watch your kids get back to it.

I have more ideas than this, and I am stopping here so I don’t overwhelm you, but if this is the kind of thing you want more of, Something Playful is the paid series inside this publication.

Each edition takes one material, playdough, magnetic tiles, stickers, art supplies, board games, sensory toys, and tells you exactly what to put out, how much, and what to do when it stops working. Age by age, toddlers through teens.

That’s it for today, I hope you have a great week ahead. What are you going to put out first?

Leave a comment

Thank you for being here. x Lizzie

Please re-stack this post or drop a heart, it helps me more than you know!

You can find everything I linked in this post HERE.

A little over a year ago, my son, Nate, lost a race he was favored to win. He’s a 2-time All-American in the 5k and a State Champion in the 2-mile, and this was one of the final races of his high school career.

People were watching.

He was up against a younger, less experienced runner who pushed hard, and in the last stretch, Nate lost by a tenth of a second. Everyone was shocked. The crowd around the finish line hushed. I squeezed my eyes shut for a second and held my breath a little.

As I opened them, I saw Nate walking right over and congratulating the other kid.

It wasn’t performative. You could see it in his face and in the way his body relaxed into the moment. He was truly impressed by this younger, less experienced runner who out-kicked him at the line.

Later, in a private moment, when other kids might’ve fallen apart:

Me: “You okay? That was pretty wild.”

Nate, shrugging his tan, muscular shoulders: “What an experience. He out-strategized me. I wasn’t expecting that. Good for him.”

He didn’t sulk or beat himself up, and there was no spiraling. He talked about what he learned racing this kid, and how he’d run a different strategy next time. Then he shrugged and moved on.

That was June of 2025. He’s at Purdue now, running D1 in the Big Ten.

When I shared this story on IG, so many parents reached out to me with some version of the following messages:

“How did you raise him like that?”

“At six, my kid is a sore loser. This is goals for high school.”

“My child would have absolutely lost it. How can I help them?”

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about his childhood, all that unstructured time to play and tinker, and how it shaped who he is today. He built that resilience little by little, in the messier, earlier years. AND some of it is just his innate temperament and personality.

There were times we let him lose without fixing it.

Of course we comforted him. But we didn’t rush to make it better. We tried to be just as present in his losses as we were in his wins, and disappointment got to be part of the experience.

And just so we’re clear, I didn’t figure this out overnight. I’m a former teacher, and I’ve spent years learning how to support kids through their emotional development. Even now, as a parent of three, I still mess it up sometimes (often). If this doesn’t come naturally to you, you can learn it.

Below:

• The questions that hand a stuck little kid some power back (the fallen building, the wet pants, the sister who won’t share)

• “Making a second choice,” the phrase we used for years, with my exact words for closed screens, the dirty purple shirt, and the last of the milk

• The yogurt pouch story from nursery school pickup, and why running out on purpose instead of by accident kept me calm through the fallout

• What to say at every age: the lost board game, the empty ice cream carton, the missing hair tie, the A team cut, and the bad grade

• How to catch your own spiral before you respond, and the times I accommodate anyway

These are the words I used in my own house, toddler through high school. A free week gets you all of them and every other paywalled post in the archive. Use this Free Seven Day Trial

The rest is for my paid subs.

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In this post:

1. Why “I’m bored” is really “I don’t know what to do next” (and why that’s not a problem to fix)

2. Word for word scripts for what I say when my kids are bored

3. What to do when boredom turns destructive: dumping bins, poking the dog, bugging siblings

Sometimes when kids are “bored” they are just… really uncomfortable.

They aren’t sure what to do next. And it makes sense. At school teachers tell them what to do, where to sit, and when to transition to the next thing. After school, most kids are in structured sports or activities. Their coaches and instructors tell them what to do and they do it.

At home, there are only so many hours in a day, and so parents, myself included, tell them to do their homework, get ready for dinner, it’s bath time, start the bedtime routine.

And on and on and on. There is always someone telling them what to do.

So then why are we surprised that when they have an unstructured moment, things get weird?

And, as parents, when our kids are bored, it makes us feel something uncomfortable too. Myself included.

Maybe I don’t play with them enough.
I should’ve signed them up for that extra enrichment class.
“Good parents” keep their kids busy, I better set up a project.

But here’s the problem…

If we don’t carve out the time for kids to be bored, they don’t get to practice figuring out what to do next when no one is telling them. They learn plenty at school and at soccer, but one thing they don’t learn there is how to start something on their own.

I kinda hate saying “hold space,” but in this case, it’s exactly what we need to do.
We need to literally reserve space on their calendars, and on ours, for them to be unscheduled. (I wrote more about this here)

Last year, I wrote a post about college kids who are shutting down after a setback and struggling to solve problems without involving their parents. They overthink every decision like it’s life or death. And none of us want that for our kids.

And that’s why when my own kids are bored, I am not giving them a list.

The rest is for my paid subs…

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These t shirts from Amazon shocked me with their good quality, and quickly jumped ahead in my weekly rotation. The solid blue t, the striped t, the white t, the cream t. They are all great for fall layering or on their own.

I also scooped up this striped sweater, henley, and sweatshirt from Abercrombie. I bought this beautiful big scarf for a friend for her fiftieth birthday, and now I want one for myself. I’m scouring the internet for a good dupe. Will report back.

I try to keep my dopamine seeking, clothing-buying brain in control with clothing rental subscriptions. I’ve jumped around from RTR to Nuuly and back through the years, but for the past 6 months I’ve been on a big Nuuly kick. I like their everyday, relaxed pieces that fit my lifestyle (I barely leave the house except for track meets, dinners out, errands, and occasional work travel.) If you want to try Nuuly, this is my referall link.

My grey hair is coming in faster than I can keep up with getting to the salon. On IG, everyone suggested Color Wow, which I love and use, but I touch my hair a lot and it comes off under my nails. I was looking for something that wouldn’t smudge. I bought this new product from Tarte, and I love it. It goes on like a cream but dries like a powder.

Dime beauty sent me a PR package and I’ve been using the dewy mask almost nightly. I wake up with super hydrated skin.

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For my house

I just ordered these mugs because they immediately spoke to me. But now I need to clear out some old ones…

I have been keeping this acrylic bread box on my counter top for a few years now, and it was time for an upgrade. I jut ordered this cake dome. It is sturdy and the top is acrylic instead of glass, so its not heavy. I love how it looks on the counter.

Our old stick vacuum finally kicked the bucket…I vacuum a lot. Between the hair from two big dogs, the sand from living at the beach, the crumbs and the art projects, I vacuum the first floor twice daily. It’s been about a month and I love this vacuum because it doesn’t clog, it is easily mountable, and the light is so bright that I can really see what I am vacuuming up and its so satisfying.

Ruby made hundreds of little paper stars and they are so bright and joyful, I needed a way to display them. I put them in this bubble, which is also perfect for displaying lego people, little cars or small animals, squishies, or sea glass.

I surprised my middle schooler with this cute case for her chrome book and she loved it. I also snuck a needoh in there and that really made her grin.

My girls have been asking for Lola blankets. I have one that I bought during the big sale, and they are constantly trying to steal it. I bought them these ones instead. Are they an exact dupe? No. But they do love them.

Art and Play Items on Repeat

This foamy air dry clay kit is even better than I expected it to be. The compartments seal shut so there’s no more wasted crumbly dry clay or dealing with those tiny plastic bags. I bought the small kit, but I’m definetly going back in for the extra large one. My kids were all over this and so was I.

Last week we made these mini sprinkle embroidery cakes. It was harder than I anticipated but the kids just had fun decorating. My older one got the hang of it quickly.

This trampoline is still seeing a ton of action in my kitchen, with everyone passing through bouncing on it. And these connectors are still holding the top spot on our coffee table.

And, ICYMI:

Thank you so much for reading my work and being a part of this community. Here is a free seven day trial if you are considering upgrading, but want to make sure it’s a good fit for you.

x Lizzie

They cried, I cried. And not just once. A lot.

Year five just started and so far, no one is begging to stay home. But I remember that dread-in-your-stomach feeling like it was yesterday. Whether you’ve got a teenager slamming the door or a preschooler refusing to get dressed, this post is for you.

Wanting to Stay Home Can Be Normal

Wanting to stay home doesn’t automatically mean something is “wrong.” It’s pretty common for kids to resist the transition because of how big the shift feels from the comfort of home to the stimulation of school. Much of the time, it’s your child wanting to stay home because home feels safe, predictable, and comfortable.

I want to stay home most days, and I’m 48. I want to rewatch last week’s episode of Real Housewives, under a weighted blanket, with the dogs pressed against me and a steaming mug of coffee. Home is easy. It’s predictable. School is... not.

School is loud. It’s fluorescent lights, smells, rules, expectations, and never being allowed to just exist. Even for kids who love it, the transition can feel like whiplash.

So no, wanting to stay home doesn’t always mean something is wrong. Sometimes it just means your kid likes being at home.

Two Things Can’t Be True Yet

Every parenting account says “two things can be true.” They say it ad nauseam.

And it is true for you. But for your preschooler, not yet.

Most toddlers and preschoolers can’t hold two feelings at once, so a lot of the time, the sad wins. And hopefully, a little while later, excited might get to take its turn.

So when the teacher texts you a photo of your grinning kid, elbows deep in purple playdough, you spend the morning wondering who that child is and what you did wrong at drop off.

The ability to feel sad AND excited at the same time comes around age 7 or 8. Until then, they’ll feel one thing at a time, probably at full volume. We get the hardest ones in the morning and at pickup. That’s normal. And no, you didn’t do anything wrong.

But They’re Crying. And Refusing to Get Dressed... What Should I Do?

Let’s talk strategy.

When we try to convince kids that they should want to go to school “because they love it!” we only make them double down on their refusal.

Below: Getting your kid dressed and out the door without a bribe, the things you can skip, teacher and counselor emails ready to send tonight for your preschooler or big kid, how to rehearse tomorrow’s tears the night before, and what’s really going on when your neurodivergent kid won’t budge in the morning.

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Homework isn’t sacred. You’re allowed to say no. Your family’s peace matters way more than a worksheet… at least it did to me.

When my children were in the early years, we didn’t really do homework. There were some exceptions and I will get into all of it below. They are 13, 16 and 19 now. Most of the time, they all do their homework. One is in college, pursuing professional flight. One is a high school junior getting ready to start the college process, and one is in seventh grade, a newly minted middle schooler.

I’m not a homework researcher and this isn’t my area of expertise. I’m sharing what worked for my family, how we mostly avoided homework, and why.

It was November of 2017, and I was walking into a meeting with my daughter’s second-grade teacher. She was about my age. Soft burgundy sweater, slacks, a warm but weary smile at the end of a long day. I remember thinking that she probably still had soccer pickups, dinner, bathtime, and laundry waiting at home, and I really didn’t want to add one more thing to her pile

But I had to say something.

My second grader was bright, eager, sensitive, and she was spending every afternoon glued to reading logs and worksheets. Instead of joining her siblings on fall walks in the woods, climbing trees and scaling the log that ran across the creek, she was racing to finish her book list so she could win the “no-missing-assignments prize.” Instead of building forts or making a gluey mess of a collage, she was spending afternoons upstairs in her room focused and dutiful, working.

Her grandparents praised her. The teachers sent her home with extra prizes. Other parents told me what a role model she was for their kids.

I should’ve been proud. But instead I had a pit in my stomach.

This was a kid who used to fall asleep every night with a book on her chest and a book light lost somewhere in her sheets. Even as a toddler, she kept a stack of board books in her crib to fall asleep with. She was a kid who, despite a nightly bubble bath, still had glitter somewhere on her left elbow and red and brown clay under her fingernails. There were buttons and bits of yarn on her carpet and marbles in an ancient coffee can that she’d count and organize and trade with her brother and sister.

But now?

She was a second grader staying up late to “work on her reading log,” recording her reading minutes like it was her job. The books she used to read, the ones that were too hard for her but that she’d happily chip away at anyway, asking us what certain words meant and taking ages to finish, were now shoved to the back of the pile in favor of much simpler books that she could race through and record on a list.

And she wasn’t complaining. She liked homework. She enjoyed the praise and the little plastic toy prizes that seemed to be tripling in number daily, in the bottom of her navy polka dotted backpack.

I could see what it was costing her. I felt it. The logs were eating the time she had to just be a kid, time to bicker with her siblings and wander the neighborhood with chalk on her jeans and a smooshed granola bar jammed in the back pocket of her jeans. Instead, she was upstairs with a reading log and a stack of books.

Kids need time to play. A lot of it. It's how they make sense of the world. Play is the most important learning there is, and no one will convince me otherwise. And there was no way that I was letting my daughter's playtime disappear without a fight.

If your five or six or seven year old comes home from a full school day and now they are tasked with homework and a five step chore chart, this post is for you.

Below is what we said and did at every age:

• The word for word email, both versions, ready to send tonight

• Exactly what to say if the teacher pushes back and tells you they have to assign it anyway

• What we did when my own kid wanted the homework

• The sticky note trick from third and fourth grade, and how it turned into a real email my kid sent a teacher at 16

The rest is for my paid subs. Not sure if you want to commit? Use this Free Seven Day Trial

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